My wife and I have had a series of events come up that make me concerned. She adamantly denies any inappropriate behavior but I just don’t know. I want to believe the best but I am struggling.

What do you think?

Here are the facts…

About 5 years ago we took a vacation. While there I noticed her texting an excessive amount. I confronted her and she said she was speaking with “John” a lot. They have a business relationship.

I asked to see the texts but she had deleted them all.

I pushed her on this and she eventually apologize and express remorse. She admits he is attractive. She said she didn’t physically cheat and I believed/believe her. She agreed to speak to him less and not erase texts anymore.

We later talk about this again and she says she wanted to avoid the situation and make us better so may have over admitted guilt. They are just friends. I see her point and on this.

Few years later I am looking at our phone bill and see she is making a large number of long calls to someone. I look it up and find it is the same person, John. She has business reasons to communicate with this person but the volume seems to far exceed that.

I asked about it and her first reaction is defensiveness. “Why are you looking at my phone bill”? I choose to let this pass as well.

More time passes. Our marriage is faltering for a variety of reasons.

I start seeing her texting a lot and doing this thing were when when her phone goes off she will quickly get it and hide it. We were in a hotel for a week and it was painfully obvious of how protective of her phone she was.

More time passes. We agree to separate for a bunch of unrelated reasons but live together for a bit before I move out.

A few days before I move out a she gets dressed up and go out. I don’t ask any questions. We are separating and she is free to live her life how she pleases now.

After I move out we decide to try to reconcile.

I learn the person she went out with was John. To her credit, she tells me right away when I asked her. But she only says dinner. I ask twice to confirm her response. She was out for more hours then just dinner so wanted to lock that in.

That night I can’t sleep. We are fighting to reconcile but why is John still in the mix? Why would she choose to go to dinner with him of all people as we are separating?

I text her and tell her I need help finding peace with this. I ask for her texts right before and after the dinner and her bank statement from that night.

Bank statement shows they also went to a bar and she paid. $50. So he bought dinner then they went to bar. Thinking 2-4 drinks each? My wife is loopy at 2 drinks.

She says she deleted texts from that time. This might be ok though because when we separated I deleted a bunch of stuff too. Cleaned my phone. Fresh start.

I ask her why she told me about dinner but not drinks. She said based on the history with him and us (San Diego) she froze.

Kind of a jerk move, but I insist she get the texts from that period from him. They still talk. He also said he erased his. Says he erases all texts every few weeks.

I ask for her recent texts with him. They are not sexual but there are a lot of them. Constant talking.

Here we are.

Is she not being fully honest or has this just been a bad series of events?

Can I reconcile or can I no longer trust her?