Let’s talk about choosing not to block

Fiebre · 2022-01-15T21:20:14+00:00

I've always wondered about those mental gymnastics. I always found it easy to block people. Once I do, I just forget they exist. Turns out, some of my friends think this is some kind of escapism and not normal?

In the meantime they can waste their and my time and energy talking about these and those scrotes and it never entered their mind to block them as if even the worst of scrotes and attention from them is somehow valuable.

MissouriBlue · 2022-01-15T20:38:30+00:00

Consider this:

I live in a safe area… I don’t worry about someone breaking in my home. I still lock my doors.

Why would I think that my feeling of security has anything to do with taking a proactive stance regarding my well-being?

Block/Delete is the “lock on the door” of your communication devices.

FARTHARLOT · 2022-01-15T20:30:41+00:00

Yes, I've been seeing lately the pressure for women to keep a poker face during shitty situations. I'm upset and its not that deep🤷‍♀️ lemme be upset and do my thing, quit interjecting your opinion on my emotion.

The pressure to play mind games to get back at men never works out in our favor, because ignoring them has more power over them. So, men craft a million different gaslighting techniques to keep our boundaries flimsy.

throwawaynevermindit · 2022-01-15T20:48:42+00:00

This is why I've become so cynical about the direction culture is going. Every interaction is being turned into a quiet tug of war where caring the least and investing the least wins the game. It's the same ideological thrust that produces attitudes like "your feelings aren't your partner's problem" and other antisocial nonsense.

I'm extremely independent and introversive by nature and even I can see that we're living in a time where the relational norms being replicated are corrosive to healthy relationships. You cannot interact successfully with 0 investment. You cannot partner successfully if you're unwilling to take responsibility for the impact you have on your partner's emotional and mental state. Being perpetually unaffected by the actions and opinions of others fullstop, even when it is good feedback in context, is psychologically abnormal and dangerous, not impressive.

Anyway, choosing not to block because it makes you seem bothered = you still basing your decisions on the mental state of a man who you supposedly aren't keeping in your life anymore. What's powerful is doing whatever you have to to disentangle yourself, without respect to how it looks or feels to him.

MadamePotpourri · 2022-01-15T22:43:27+00:00

I always advocate for blocking scrotes. Just like you say OP, protect your peace! I liken block/delete to a woman reasserting her power. To block a man is to deny him access to you. All men really want is our attention, they are desperate for it. When he texts you, he’s looking for a response... ANY response. He wants access to you. He feels entitled to access you. Don’t give it to him. Block him.

I recently read a brilliant essay by feminist scholar Marilyn Frye called “Some Reflections on Separatism and Power”. She talked about the power in denying men access to you, some excerpts below:

The parasitism of males on females is, as I see it, demonstrated by the panic, rage and hysteria generated in so many of them by the thought of being abandoned by women.

Female denial of male access to females substantially cuts off a flow of benefits, but it has also the form and full portent of assumption of power.

Differences of power are always manifested in asymmetrical access. The President of the United States has access to almost everybody for almost anything he might want of them, and almost nobody has access to him. The super-rich have access to almost everybody; almost nobody has access to them. The resources of the employee are available to the boss as the resources of the boss are not to the employee. The slave is unconditionally accessible to the master.

Total power is unconditional access; total powerlessness is being unconditionally accessible.

It is always the privilege of the master to enter the slave’s hut. The slave who decides to exclude the master from her hut is declaring herself not a slave.

Sage_Planter · 2022-01-15T21:10:32+00:00

Why would I let someone talk crazy to me, disrespect me, or bring vibes I don’t like onto my phone?

I learned this lesson the hard way. Learn from my mistakes.

I was with my NVM for around 3 years, and after I broke up with him, I didn't block him immediately. There were some logistical things we had to sort through since we had been living together, and I thought blocking him was drastic. Well, then we no longer needed to be in touch, but he still found random excuses to reach out (eg. "I know you loved this item of mine. I'm selling it. Are you interested?"). Then when I didn't reply the way he wanted (distance, without emotion), he would go quiet then come back (likely drunk) to go off on me.It happened a few times. Finally, I had enough and just blocked him after a friend convinced me it was keeping me from fully moving on.

scorchedsouI · 2022-01-15T20:44:34+00:00

There's a recent obsession with denying the fundamental weakness of the human psyche.

Much like the physical body, mental health is to a lesser or greater degree vulnerable to the influence of external stimuli. You can practice mental resistance, you can be resilient and think that you're truly unaffected, but this simply isn't true. It isn't realistic.

People deny their inherent weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and the only result of this is that they're repeatedly traumatized. Their mental health takes a toll from the continuous strain, the constant exposure to toxicity, that eventually accumulates and lingers like murky waters in the subconscious. This in turn affects everything, from the way they feel about themselves to how they view the world around them.

Taking a proactive approach in removing harmful media and individuals from one's environment is to preserve the vitality of one's soul.

apommom · 2022-01-15T21:25:17+00:00

I firmly believe that if you’re not willing to block it’s because you still want to hear from that person. Blocking is showing you’re done for good. It doesn’t convey hatred, which would be a consuming emotion, it actually conveys indifference to that person being in your life.

Unstable behavior would be blocking and unblocking, sending paragraph texts “communicating” how you feel etc.

Blocking is freeing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sunshine_Daisies2525 · 2022-01-15T22:46:43+00:00

Key word there is “teenager.” I totally agree with you and I used to think like her.

That resulted in a narcissist having access to me. It resulted in me engaging with LVM and wasting my mental/emotional space. Lots of teenagers misunderstand avoidant “no one can hurt me” behavior as maturity.

Blocking is- I know and accept I am only human and you have the ability to hurt me- I just won’t let you.

Platipus6 · 2022-01-15T23:12:35+00:00

Yet another push to stifle women's anger. "You can't let him know you got under his skin". Yes the fuck I can. Much like puppies, abusive men need this smack on their nose. They need to know when their nipping was incorrect. They probably won't learn but I'm not going to let them keep nipping me. They get a reward by getting through to me, encouraging the behaviour.

Another push to prevent us from having boundaries. "I don't tolerate verbal abuse, manipulation or gaslighting" and I enforce that by blocking.

Another push to stop us from having self-esteem and a sense of self, to trust our own judgement and decide what's best for us. "I'll decide what messages people can send me and I'll decide when to cut off a man for disrespect, not some teenagers on the internet. I'm not someone who deserves abusive messages".

Another push to place men's feelings above women's safety and FUCK THAT.

99power · 2022-01-15T21:08:26+00:00

Fading is even ruder than blocking but at least blocking protects you from ever going back and making stupid mistakes? I feel like this is a safety first kind of thing. I don’t care if some narcissist gets more satisfaction by just ignoring desperate texts. I feel like this is just younger generations growing less and less empathy over time. I’m listening to this, as a Gen Z lady myself: https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/empathy-narcissism

ohnomaxwellslaws · 2022-01-15T21:04:16+00:00

For me blocking is like saying “I care so little about what you have to say that I don’t even want to get the notification”. Also, it helps keeping your inner peace 😉.

sermuonielis · 2022-01-15T20:25:09+00:00

It's a good thing that I dgaf anymore what someone thinks. I'm simply limiting your access to me. That's all what it's about.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2022-01-15T21:14:24+00:00

Exactly. Once you’ve blocked the first, and experienced the peace it brings, there is no going back :)

wonkyeyes8877 · 2022-01-15T22:44:01+00:00

To me, not blocking someone to show them you don't care actually means you do care.

preppykat3 · 2022-01-15T23:04:16+00:00

They got it all backwards. “Losing” is letting someone waste your time with their unwanted presence.

ConstantNurse · 2022-01-15T22:14:08+00:00

The only reason I wouldn’t block would be if I was building a criminal case and wanted continued evidence of their harassment.

Nothing quite like written text evidence or frequent phone calls from someone who you don’t want contacting you.

fab_pofu · 2022-01-16T00:38:37+00:00

At heart, stoicism is about controlling your response to events because the one thing in this world that you have the most control over is yourself.

That being said, stoicism was largely applied to uncontrollable life events. I have control of the block button. Why shouldn’t I use it? Even if I’m not bothered by the scrote, it’s frankly annoying getting notifications about shit I don’t care to read. Is turning off notifications to protect my peace allowed, but blocking isn’t?

Also, the thing about being unbothered is laughable. Who here is unbothered: the woman who blocks because she no longer wants to be contacted, or the one who adamantly refuses o block because she wants to project an air of indifference to avoid satisfying some scrote?

True queen behavior is doing what benefits your life regardless of what a scrote thinks about you.

thinktwiceorelse · 2022-01-15T22:27:41+00:00

Well, who cares what they think? I block them for me, so they wouldn't be able to reach me and stalk me, not for them. I'm not "teaching them lesson", neither I play it cool. I simply don't care, and want them out of my life. And it works.

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2022-01-15T22:01:53+00:00

It's so weird that all it took to mess with that teenager's peace was you preferring to block people.

EternallySlumbering · 2022-01-15T20:27:58+00:00

“Nothing outside of yourself should alter your peace” I mean sure…. But let’s not pretend we aren’t social beings and that our feelings and emotions aren’t based heavily on what’s going on with our social connections.

Yea I‘ve seen this hesitancy to block a lot with ppl in my age bracket too. It’s like a power thing, you don’t want to seem like you care too much.

Here’s the truly powerful thing tho, blocking and moving on and coming out the other side faster than you would have had you continued to allow people to access you. That’s how I frame it to myself, access. Do I want this person to still have access to me? No. So I block.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2022-01-15T20:55:48+00:00

I mean, I view blocking scrotes and shitty friends in the same way as any other nuisance. I have the option to skip commercials on tv or on podcasts, so I’m going to use it. Same thing with blocking people who I never want to hear from again. Blocking isn’t an indicator that they have made you emotional or upset, to me it’s just a firm closing of the door. I don’t want my phone going ping ping ping from Johnny McTriffling while I’m taking care of business and building an empire. I don’t want the interruption. Blocking is the move of a focused, successful person. Why let dusties interrupt your flow?

ciaramcw · 2022-01-15T23:25:05+00:00

Blocking somebody is me beig in control...I got there before they did and I am the one that can unblock them. I am in control of who talks to me and how they talk to me...they can think that way but really it's the opposite cause let's be honest these kids be stoopid.

blessedwiththree · 2022-01-15T23:38:05+00:00

Blocking is appropriate and it has nothing to do with "caring too much". In real life interactions, it's akin to cutting someone out of your life. It prevents toxic people from manipulating you and subjecting you to other negative behaviors.

People who can't bring themselves to block someone in the appropriate situation, either do not have strong boundaries, or want to continue interacting with the person. Blocking is not used as an insult to the person, it is done for OUR OWN personal peace/sanity. My guess would be that this teenager's belief is that it's being used to make the blocked party feel upset and/or to solicit a reaction from them (which is not why we use it at FDS).

For those of us who are aware of how easily we have been gaslit in the past, the block and delete is priceless. Using blocking prevents a man from resurfacing after he already screwed up and is trying to pull at your heart strings (or lie so you will give him the benefit of the doubt). It's also useful when you've realized you aren't compatible or something is "off" with a man. It gives you the ability to shut the door and honor you first (and generally correct assessment), without letting your boundaries/standards slide or be trampled on.

Leaving an open connection with a person who is not worth your energy, is taking energy and effort from other meaningful and valid connections. It gives you the power back to determine who/what you surround yourself with.

OnlyPaperListens · 2022-01-16T01:04:52+00:00

By this logic, she must welcome and embrace spam, no? An avalanche of car warranty calls and sales e-mails clogging up her phone is FINE, because nothing outside of herself should alter her peace.

NoMoreLVM · 2022-01-16T02:00:24+00:00

The beauty of blocking is that who cares if they think you care too much? You’ll never know, because they’re now blocked and dead to you 😃.

I honestly learnt my lesson in not blocking because they ALWAYS slither back. Months later you’ll get a “hey” message when he’s ready to waste your time again. It’s really not worth it.

And of course I think men know that blocking shows that you care less. Leaving the door open for them to message you by NOT blocking shows that you are holding out some hope. Blocking them and cutting off access to you shows that they’re really not all that important to you. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise- blocking is the ultimate power move.

ApartPersonality · 2022-01-15T20:57:26+00:00

Don’t let teens- literally children who have been indoctrinated into coolgirlness/pickmeism- influence how you go about being a HVW. “Blocking makes you look like you care” is a opinion that is rooted in inexperience, and that narrative exists to benefit men.

JulyParade · 2022-01-15T23:04:05+00:00

I block because they never give up. If you don't block you'll be checking your phone every time some scrote needs validation. And damn, they need a lot of validation. Maybe these younger women aren't old enough to know he's going to come around year after year, holiday after holiday. No thanks.

12thwizard · 2022-01-15T23:40:56+00:00

These poor kids. Blocking is the most amazing tool we have online. It is our way of curating the type of interactions we have. We wouldn't let 99% of the people we interact with online into our own personal space...let alone the psycho that calls us derogatory names or w/e.

BLOCK, DELETE. Mental gymnastics is right...imagine feeling like you can't block for your own peace, just n case THEY think you're too invested. Fuck that.

Competitive_Bar8657 · 2022-01-15T23:30:46+00:00

I chose not to block because I thought its cruel and impolite

What was cruel is how those guys kept sliding back, ignoring my discomfort and insulting me after I stated my boundaries. Then I blocked and never felt better.

stelladiver512 · 2022-01-16T01:15:19+00:00

I see it about access. If a person proves that they are not worthy of access to me, then that access gets taken away. Having my personal number is a privilege. I don’t block cause I’m upset, I block cause you a fool. And I don’t let fools have access to me.

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2022-01-16T00:27:18+00:00

I’m a firm believer in ghosting and blocking, I’ve caught much flack for this when I express it too. That ghosting is cruel or whatever, guess what? I don’t care and I do it anyway because ghosting ppl is absolutely necessary sometimes. Making that decision is a way to protect my side of the mirror and my psyche. I don’t really want to hear all the times to NOT ghost people, I’m a human and I have social interactions and relationships with people I’m well aware of when not to.

two_cat_morty · 2022-01-16T01:37:40+00:00

The only reason I don't block is for my safety. I want to know if a man is becoming very angry or stalkerish because I'm ignoring him just as a heads up. Getting his dumb drunk texts a few times a year really doesn't disturb my peace, but it DOES bother me to not have any idea where he is rage wise because he might be on his way to murder me. But every situation is different.

hexriot2001 · 2022-01-15T23:44:19+00:00

there is no reason to see or hear from them again, they are completely useless to you. block.

heythereitsemily · 2022-01-16T00:19:58+00:00

I think it shows strength to block. That means I have boundaries and I’m enforcing them. I don’t let just anyone walk back into my life, say what they want and disrupt my peace.
Like a year ago I was seeing this guy, it didn’t work out cause he showed me some horrible qualities about himself and I blocked him. 2 days ago, he messaged me from a different fucking number. I told him “I don’t want you to make it up to me. I’m not interested in you. No hard feelings. Please leave me alone.”
I was over him. I blocked him. I didn’t want his words in my life. He found a new way to get to me and since then, I feel like his negativity and me having to push him away again has disrupted my peace and now I’m actively working on restoring it and getting back to the mental space I was in before where he’s the past and doesn’t exist. It’s extremely rude and inconsiderate of him.
If you don’t block, it will make it even easier for them to keep bothering you. Like how many times did he message me from the other number before trying a new way? I would not have wanted to deal with that all the time.

broogaloo · 2022-01-16T00:28:30+00:00

I block spam callers from my phone because they're annoying. How is blocking an unwanted person's texts any different?

oscine23 · 2022-01-15T21:10:13+00:00

Ha. I dated a narc and he loved it when ppl blocked him bc it let him kno he got under their skin. That’s the logic behind NOT blocking..not giving them the satisfaction. I blocked his ass, tho lol

herbivorouscarnivore · 2022-01-15T22:23:12+00:00

lol I bet that teen is running to her friends asking what people really mean when they…!?

For me, blocking is a way to put someone in their place: I’m gonna pretend they don’t exist, and blocking facilitates this.

mypetchickens · 2022-01-16T02:42:31+00:00

I personally do not usually block for safety reasons. Say I go on a date/many dates and then the guy is not a good fit. I will make it clear that it is over through a simple text. Typically they stop responding.

If this happens, I keep them unblocked. I want to see if they text me or continue to, so that I can have a warning of any stalking behaviors.

veniphyl · 2022-01-15T20:44:03+00:00

Pickmes will still hope to be picked. They want to be accessible even to people who have wronged them. That's how they cope with being too weak to block. In case of scrotes, it's because they always want to have access to as many women as possible.

oceanbreeze88 · 2022-01-16T02:12:14+00:00

I also block people who are coming for my peace, or people from the past who pop up out of the blue and want to start following you etc etc, I block people from periods of my life I don’t want to revert or turn back to… the more I have removed people that don’t fit in my life anymore the more I have grown… so there’s that. Edit: this might not apply to everyone but I used to not vet people and didn’t have the standards of people to be around me as I have today. So I’ve had to cut quit a few people off in order to grow and move forward.

TigreImpossibile · 2022-01-16T04:28:31+00:00

I agree with you about blocking, but why do you feel the need to justify yourself to a teenager anyway? Who cares what they think??? 😂

Block block block blockity block! 😃👏🏼👏🏼🎊🚫🙊😅✋🏼

aquietsword · 2022-01-15T21:08:49+00:00

So weird to me this comes from the younger generation. I mean there's still push for things like body inclusivity because seeing the same apparent "standard" for beauty was, ya know, damaging.

It just sounds like ignorance talking because there's a lot of nuance that I don't think was considered.

myeggsarebig · 2022-01-15T21:35:37+00:00

Just another attempt by the patriarchy to soil the brains of young women and children.

“Be tough like a man so we can rape you like a woman.”

IgetUsernameScraps · 2022-01-15T23:40:34+00:00

What? Blocking someone is not having a “complete mental breakdown.” Omg what a tool. 😂

RussianAsshole · 2022-01-16T06:00:43+00:00

That’s what teenagers say before they go into the real world lmao

Sweetheartsorrow · 2022-01-15T21:26:12+00:00

For me it’s a power move to block. I have the power to revoke access to my life. I’ve always been this way even before finding FDS and I always caught sht for it from my friends. “He knows that it bothers you now, why would you do that?” Why would I give a sht how he feels about anything at all anymore? I blocked him. The logic is stupid lol

callmebubbles92 · 2022-01-15T22:37:50+00:00

I bet a lot of these anti-blockers don't do it because they don't want that connection to completely close. They like the idea that someone is thinking about them. Maybe they'll even get back together! *clown face* After all, they are so ~above it~ when it comes to caring about how someone is interacting with them, it makes me feel like they would also be susceptible to taking someone back, like they want to make it known that they don't hold grudges.

found_thissubfinally · 2022-01-15T21:54:27+00:00

Nah I'mma keep blocking. They can bend themselves into pretzels to convince me to not block but I don't care. If don't like someone I'm going to block. It's like telling someone not to slap the mosquito when it bites you.

steffy0212 · 2022-01-15T21:57:33+00:00

They’ve got it wrong I think, blocking for me has always felt like indifference, not anger or hurt. As in, I care so little about you and your opinion, I don’t even need to hear it. Go away annoying buzzy fly.

I care so little about you that I’m not even going to put the effort in to educate you or try to communicate with you. I am just going to put you on mute and carry on with my life.

Betty_Bottle · 2022-01-16T07:45:25+00:00

I used to hate blocking because I didn't want to come across as a "bitch". Now I've blocked all my exes and all their shitty enabler friends.

By not blocking, you are giving them access to you. They think they can still message you whenever they want and steal your time and attention.

Surely the majority of us have had that notification pop up, sighed, and thought "why is he still messaging me? What does he want now?"

plumeriaworld · 2022-01-15T21:26:01+00:00

Yeah, I remove the cell phone element from it and take it back to simpler times where we didn’t have technology that allowed just about damn near anyone to have access to us. It’s like if I were walking down the street and someone who I deemed as crazy or unacceptable kept talking to me or trying to gain my attention, I would not stop and engage in a convo with that person. I would keep it moving. That’s how I look at blocking.

And I’ve had former male friends say that they don’t block people because they’re not afraid to engage with someone. I find those people are pretty simple in their thinking and either don’t understand or value their time. These are the same types of people that play ‘devils advocate’ imo.

orangecatspajamas · 2022-01-15T23:21:49+00:00

The most fun I’ve had in a while was going through and blocking every friend and family member of my ex on top of blocking him. They are all social media addicts and would still watch my stories and like and comment on my posts. They don’t deserve to have access to what I post. I care about myself too much to leave the door open for future disrespect. I’d rather go wild blocking people connected to my ex than to risk having them keep tabs on me.

Donttellmehow2feel · 2022-01-16T03:34:22+00:00

I used to view things exactly the same way - I didn't want to show them I cared enough to block. And guess what, everytime I wished I had blocked them earlier and regretted having entertained them.

qualitylamps · 2022-01-16T05:23:45+00:00

The only reason I don’t block is because I want to know exactly how crazy a person is getting. As someone who was assaulted by someone I had blocked on social media/phone, I would have known to expect my attack if I had received the texts or seen the Facebook posts saying “I’m going to kll this b.” I never respond to texts from people who aren’t important to me and I don’t post on social media anymore, but I will never block anyone again. Just my personal experience.

Eta: had a TPO on this person 2 months before I was assaulted.

Also my comment was removed initially so I censored some words and reposted.

epitomeofjess · 2022-01-15T21:02:06+00:00

I feel like the same people that choose not to block have their exes stories on mute (because they don't want to see them) but religiously check to see if their exes have looked at their stories.

I personally always block because I don't want people I've dated to see how I'm doing or allow them to have access to me.

waterbugsrcool · 2022-01-15T22:07:04+00:00

Before FDS I used to be in that camp of not blocking for those same reasons, mostly because I never felt any temptation to reach out to people after I was done with them and I genuinely did not care enough to block them. But then recently I dealt with a string of guys who just wouldn’t take my silence for an answer and would send me message after message trying to contact me. I never felt any desire to reply but it was honestly SO annoying and I realized for these kinds of men, even if I wasn’t responding, they were definitely deriving some kind of satisfaction just from knowing I was seeing the message. It’s like while I’m busy trying to play it cool and unbothered, these guys are getting off on repeatedly poking me with a stick and waving their hands in my face to see if I’ll react. They don’t even actually care if you respond, just the act of reminding you they still exist is enough. Now I am very pro-blocking, because to me it is the easiest, most low-effort way to tell these guys to fuck off. So much less energy than trying to hold my ground.

Bezzazz · 2022-01-16T01:11:25+00:00

That's weird. Okay, so they got under your skin...well, now they're blocked, so they can't do it ever again (unless you unblock them). Why wouldn't you take the opportunity to take out the trash?

TriggeredQuilt · 2022-01-16T04:16:02+00:00

It’s the opposite for me, I block when I no longer care to continue the interaction. You bring no value or your opinion is not something I’m going to convince you to change. I don’t need to convince, educate or endure you. Goodbye.

spicyspa · 2022-01-16T06:26:03+00:00

Yeah, no one should care if a jerk thinks he got under your skin. After all, why would you care about making him think you're chill. If you don't block you just open yourself to experiencing more annoyance, pain and waste of time. It just prolongs the inevitable.

blasthead99 · 2022-01-16T08:27:36+00:00

It's absolutely possible to block someone out of annoyance while not caring much at all. This is the same reason people block spam numbers on their phone

The inner peace thing is totally justified too, but blocking does not equal caring

blackmetalbetty · 2022-01-16T10:03:10+00:00

If you leave your inbox open/unblocked, that person can send you any manner of things. They could send a spiteful pic of themselves in a Santa's hat with their thumbs up banging other people and the words 'Wish you were here' inscribed in postcard font across it. Why would you leave your life open to people who moved funny/evil against you? It's the principle of it. That sounds like some easily avoidable shit (block, delete), stop trying to be stoic.

FUBARfromLSA · 2022-01-15T22:24:13+00:00

I don’t base my actions in the opinions of a minor child.

She’s 16 and is not at an age where her brain has fully developed.

Tell her she’ll understand when she’s a grown up sweetie,

guesswho23 · 2022-01-15T20:36:42+00:00

I’ve been thinking about this lately. I’m for whatever is healthiest for the individual during the moment.

I also think there’s space in this conversation for grace with ourselves. It’s hard for some of us to block and KEEP them blocked. Not everyone has built the skill to block and delete. (I’m saying this from experience and seeing so many posts about how red flags were ignored which tells me immediate block and delete did not occur). And at the same time, I believe there’s room here for SELF-CONTROL, discipline, and accountability.

But I’m tired of seeing people spiral because they’re not in a place with this established skill set or whatever, and then placing blame onto themselves (or feeling like they have low self-esteem, etc.) because they are not blocking and deleting as quickly as they assume others might.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: for those struggling to block, you aren’t any less worthy and you’re working on building skills to block at a faster pace. And for those who block and delete at the first red flag: good for you, your established boundaries are admirable, and I hope we can all get to a healthier place with ourselves.

there’s a difference between a pickme and someone who is shedding their pickme/on their way to being a HVW, which isn’t a linear road.

Lady-Flutterfly · 2022-01-15T22:14:10+00:00

Ok, they are obviously perfect people living in a bubble nothing can penetrate..

Most of the people I've blocked haven't had anything to do with me having a strong emotional reaction or anything like that, it's just to get rid of unnecessary clutter. If people are spamming a comment thread somewhere with stuff I can't be bothered to read, I block them just like I do with ads I don't want to see. Sometimes I block people as a consequence for seriously overstepping a boundary after not respecting a warning. That's not about me having a mental breakdown, I can handle a lot, but I will give consequences where blocking is one of the alternatives. And sometimes I just need space from someone and blocking is a necessary (temporary) evil.

sleepysiri · 2022-01-16T17:53:08+00:00

I think this is because blocking, from a childish POV, is something dramatic and conveys investment, that you care about the person you are blocking. It takes some maturity to realise it’s simply an act of spring cleaning.

lolmemberberries · 2022-01-15T23:47:32+00:00

I think people having to write a think piece in a comment section about how another person chooses to implement their own boundaries is bizarre. [Edit: Reading through more of the comments, this person actually went out of their way to blow up an inbox over this. My point still stands.]

That being said, I block people when I no longer want them in my life because I've found that there were people who would still "orbit" my social media accounts if I didn't. Protecting my energy meant cutting off their access because no one's entitled to know anything about me once the relationship has ended. Not to mention, it means that the person can't try to come back and revisit the relationship when it suits them.

ferociouslycurious · 2022-01-15T20:28:29+00:00

I agree with them that it’s best not to care much what the negative party is saying. However notifications are annoying AF so I just want to clear up the cluttered digital space. And if your starting space is caring too much, reducing exposure is a step in working to care less.

RevolutionaryNinja24 · 2022-01-15T22:09:12+00:00

My friends and I are part of that “younger generation” and I block the hell out of people and if I make a new page I block them on that page. A few of my friends agree with me but the others don’t because they want the people to see them flourish and see what they missed out on. I think it doesn’t make sense because if you’re truly done with the person why continue to keep the door open? And it just makes it seem like everything you’re doing in your life in terms of “levelling up” is just so they can see, not really for yourself

SapphoRattie · 2022-01-16T16:38:55+00:00

I block them so they can’t stalk me and I know it bothers them even more 🤭

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-01-17T03:16:59+00:00

Blocking protects your energy.

Some people choose to "restrict" someone's access which means they cannot see if you've read their messages or not.

It's not enough. You still subconsciously care about what they have to say to you. Say no. Enforce that boundary.

Senior_Raise180 · 2022-01-15T23:14:06+00:00

For me, the block button may as well be the "dead to me" button. Once you're blocked I have erased you from my brain. You no longer exist.

chainsawbobcat · 2022-01-16T00:25:02+00:00

: “It’s so weird to me how you let anyone mess with your peace . Nothing outside of yourself should alter your peace and if it does and if you are not emotionally stable enough to not have a complete mental breakdown if someone say something about you and have to block them to not alter your peace is not healthy . You control your peace and if you still on the level where outside words and people affect you and your internal well being it’s sad.”

I mean cool that a teenager has the words to take about this concept, even though the heart of this has really been missed 🤣

If you feel NOTHING from the world around you, you are a sociopath.

Those of us who are not sociopaths absolutely will feel a variety of disruptive feelings from external stimuli, depending on our unique circumstances. That's very healthy. Removing the stimuli is a very effective and healthy response. Many people just punish themselves over and over bc they don't feel like they are worthy of peace ✌️

boo_rdl · 2022-01-15T21:14:01+00:00

This is just pickme behaviour. My friend never blocks men, just so that she can walk around telling everybody how annoying they are and that they are constantly texting her, yet supposedly she does not care. And you can see how much this is messing with her by how much she talks about it. I might be considered a bitch by her for blocking men, but at least I am a happy bitch and do not waste my time constantly talking about men. I cut them out and move on. And looking at it from the other perspective: When I text someone and see that I am blocked, this sends a way stronger message of "Leave me alone" than just not answering. Because when you block someone, you show that you care so little that you do not even want to read their texts, if you just do not answer, yet still can receive texts, you send out this signal that you are still willing to read their texts.

melympia · 2022-01-15T22:06:53+00:00

If the person you chose not to block is someone you know IRL and have to see pretty much every day (at school/college/work, for example), then I can understand the approach to not block. Because if they cannot blow up your phone, they'll get to you in person. And messages are easier to ignore than someone literally getting in your face.

MonetsMenagerie · 2022-01-15T23:05:30+00:00

It’s so important to block people. If you don’t then you leave the door open for them to get to you.

Exactly why I block all my ex’s whether it was amicable or not. My friend didn’t want to seem “mean” so she didn’t block him and now they’re back together

Tiltedwindmill · 2022-01-16T02:13:01+00:00

If you block someone, that means they got under your skin and the best way to get back at them is by not blocking them since that would be showing them that you care.

Sounds like a very toxically masculine view of interpersonal relationships.

cryptohobo · 2022-01-16T07:21:52+00:00

If they weren’t so pressed about it they wouldn’t have said anything in the first place lmao. Block and delete!

AyemHerself · 2022-01-16T14:30:53+00:00

if you are not emotionally stable enough to not have a complete mental breakdown if someone say something about you and have to block them

That's... quite the leap. Is that person okay? Mentally stable?

It sounds like this type of person takes being blocked too seriously. 🙄

_mooness · 2022-01-16T15:59:03+00:00

Block and delete is for me just as much as it is for the other person. It signifies that I’m moving on now and creates a sense of closure.

And since when is anger shameful? I acknowledge my anger and I’m proud of it. It’s a real human emotion, and it means I know when someone is committing an injustice against me. Why does this particular emotion have to be censored? I celebrate my anger as much as I celebrate my happiness.

souredskittles · 2022-01-16T20:04:09+00:00

Spam callers call me all the time, should I not block them because it’s showing them I care too much? Nah 😂

xdecadent · 2022-01-19T09:39:07+00:00

People want to seem so high minded and above it all while showing that they don’t really think that highly of themselves at all.

People don’t deserve unlimited, unrestricted access to you. Access to you should be conditional. Period. Leaving the door open for folks to wander in and out of your life is a recipe for disaster.

sleeplessbeauty101 · 2022-01-15T20:28:37+00:00

Yes I should absolutely let someone verbally abuse me and continue to let them because my internal world is so stable.

What a dickhead. I do hope they figure it out one day and start hitting that block button. But they sound like someone who gets blocked.Of course people have an affect on other people. You see animals putting up with an animal they don't like? They protect the fuck out of their space and those in it.

misandryisnotreal · 2022-01-16T01:36:24+00:00

did you ask that CHILD if they’ve learned about being a gaslighting prick yet? What an embarrassing thing to write to a stranger on the internet.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-01-16T04:59:23+00:00

Yeah, that's fine level of gymnastics that gets it so wrong! So it wants to tell you that it's practically your fault for letting it get to you? 🤡

That's some law of attraction level of advise right there! If you're bothered it is still your problem because you're letting yourself be affected.

No, I am entitled to take measures to protect my peace. I'm not playing.

I used to think that I should make them block me. But they can always unblock and then abuse me some more. Why would I leave that door open? It's like an invitation to them.

2022-01-17T08:45:04+00:00

Sounds like a teenager mentality honestly. Its all about perceptions to them, thats an age where others view of you is paramount so naturally they're more concerned with how blocking looks to the other person.

iaintgonnacallyou · 2022-01-16T04:23:10+00:00

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2022-01-16T05:00:13+00:00

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2022-01-16T00:26:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Let’s talk about choosing not to block
Author	iaintgonnacallyou
Upvotes	804
Comments	143
Date	January 15, 2022 8:16 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/s4t5dy/lets_talk_about_choosing_not_to_block/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lets-talk-about-choosing-not-to-block.1095999 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095999

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