What are some of the most difficult realizations you’ve had about men ?

SarcasmSlide · 2021-02-06T02:08:57+00:00

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night_glitter · 2021-02-06T01:50:12+00:00

These can be very obvious to say, but infuriating to think back on...

If he wanted to, he would.
He knows, sis.

fdssavedmylife · 2021-02-06T02:26:14+00:00

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jackrusselterror1 · 2021-02-06T01:22:12+00:00

That men will date, have sex with, marry, and impregnate a woman he doesn’t even like let alone love. That they’ll waste your life if you let them.

I realized this after experiencing an abusive relationship. Someone who loved me could never do what he did to me. It did change how I interact with men, I’m more guarded. I don’t trust what I can’t verify, and honestly most times I just can’t be bothered to take the risk. I’m no longer excited or happy when men try to get with me, instead I think “this again?”

RussianAsshole · 2021-02-06T03:42:59+00:00

They’ll happily treat you in a way that they’d never want someone to treat their daughter or sister or mother. Like, they’ll spend their youth lying to women for sex, calling women bitches and whores and telling us that we’re sexist for saying that men use manipulation and lies to get women to open their legs, but then they’ll turn around and inform their daughters that men do just that and that they need to be careful. They don’t want their daughters dating men like them.

Don’t let men tell you that “that’s not true!!!” when you spill a truth about them. They know better than anyone how men really are and how they act, which is why they’re so quick to warn their daughters about the intentions of other men.

hgd29 · 2021-02-06T01:27:00+00:00

A man who is a true feminist ally is extremely rare.

I realized this after close to 30 years of interacting with men at home/school/work/events/dating. After this realization about a year ago, I have been limiting my interactions with men and the stress in my life has drastically reduced. I will only date a man who unequivocally demonstrates that he is a radical feminist ally - knowing this is rare, I have embraced the fact that I likely won’t date ever again.

Vmwvi · 2021-02-06T02:10:23+00:00

That they are never even nearly half as good as you think they are. Even the best cases were disappointing; I was projecting everything good about myself onto them, whether it was academic ability, skill, commitment to self improvement, enthusiasm, empathy or wittiness.

gfcacdista · 2021-02-06T02:20:53+00:00

I can’t rely on men for my life. It has to be mine from the beginning to the end.

witchingsauce · 2021-02-06T05:07:09+00:00

What they call RaTioNaLity is just a user mentality. They approach relationships from it.

They don’t love the person, they love the value the person brings. And they will always prioritize the overall best or more desirable, accessible deal they can get.

You can give him your everything but if he wants something else he will pursue it no matter how amazing you are or your value. Shallower men can chase attraction or money, deeper ones will chase relationship benefits and the right kind of personality. They don’t get attached unless it benefits them. And they can turn on their partner as soon as their needs/desires shift.

Their emotional range is limited. They can develop sentimental attachment for sure and they enjoy experiencing this good feeling too (once they’ve coldly assessed everything and decided to commit because they value your company and everything you bring, including sexual attractiveness (which always fades to them. Some are better at controlling their sexual urges for other women, some are worse and cheat). But for someone who prioritizes himself feelings for the partner are gonna be secondary to his needs. Breakups are always about the woman not meeting their aspirational desires/needs. Whereas women mostly break up because the man is actively detracting from our life, not meeting the bare minimum.

Don’t ever think you’re different. Things can shift for him whenever. It was never about you. It’s about them prioritizing themselves. And we should do the same.

In some cases what they desire is misguided and when they realize it after getting something they valued so highly, they get resentful of the prize. That’s why be wary of being the prize.

There’s no perfect woman they fall in love with. No matter how good he is to you, he just knows what you bring and he knows how he benefits. Smarter ones choose their prizes better and know own needs better. Some also know the trade off of seeking another woman while single or never finding a better one who will also be with them, so they stay with one person for the rest of their life and value the relationship. They put in the work when they enjoy it and/or convinced it pays off. The good ones enjoy giving when they like you (the minute he wants someone/something else he’ll weigh the pros and cons, though. Make no mistake it’s not about you being irreplaceable).

Fds teaches us to always prioritize our gain above all and if they leave chasing some new shiny desire, at least we’ve covered our backs and the relationship was beneficial to us. Prioritize your desires the same way they do. Don’t ever settle. Even if you settle they won’t appreciate it because they’re driven by their own needs and desires and if you ever become less than what he needs and desires, he’s gonna either be done or put you on the back burner.

The most valuable thing I’ve learned.

shockingupdate · 2021-02-06T02:03:57+00:00

Even the nicest, the kindest, the ones who seem most sincere, have ulterior motives. Its just a fact.

Trust no man. None. Zero.

Fun_Sherbet · 2021-02-06T02:28:37+00:00

How easily they lie, and how often. Everything - and i mean everything - started making sense when i realized this. From personal relationships, to institutional groups of men (government, corporations, law-enforcement, colonialism). They will lie AT ANY COST to serve their own interests. Before FDS, I projected my own sense of honesty on to everyone.

CSardothien_1 · 2021-02-06T02:30:09+00:00

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_differentmentality_ · 2021-02-06T02:14:54+00:00

They view us as inferior.

snootdidanoot · 2021-02-06T08:59:50+00:00

You can be his dream girl, literally everything he has ever wanted and more. You can serve him and make him feel like a king. And he will still treat you like shit and cheat on you.

Never, ever try to be the woman that enlightens his life or try to change him for the better. As people, we need to do that ourselves, in our our time and using our own oathway. Doing the above is only enabling bad behaviour.

shinyjewels · 2021-02-06T02:29:37+00:00

What I learned from my ex boyfriend - that they know that they are hurting you but do not care. Some men know that their behavior is trash but will still do it because it benefits them. They aren't "unaware"; they don't need to be "taught"; they don't need "explanations for why xyz is not ok". They know and they choose to hurt you.

MrsTaylor101318 · 2021-02-06T05:59:39+00:00

Most of them have/will sexually abuse a woman to some extent. (Coercion, begging, not stopping, taking off the condom, taking advantage while drunk, grooming, ect.)

redbirdflies · 2021-02-06T01:10:52+00:00

That most of them have unresolved mommy issues and / or Peter Pan syndrome and need years of therapy before they even consider dating

How did I come to that realization: from dating men, talking to friends who date men and pretty much every post in this group

Did it change the way I view and interact with them? Yes.

Maude2010 · 2021-02-06T05:16:49+00:00

Most of them are sociopaths.

_differentmentality_ · 2021-02-06T02:39:57+00:00

Most men want relationships because they want consistent sex. They see their girlfriends and wives as consistent orifices. The hardest part for men is pretending to give a shit about them

__kamikaze__ · 2021-02-06T01:27:05+00:00

They are gross.

circescircus · 2021-02-06T04:32:08+00:00

I had really high expectations for men because of my father and grandfather. I was never naive enough to think I should trust men for no reason just because I had good male role models, but it was shocking to me, to learn how predatory a lot of men are. I used to think it was a problem restricted to the fringes of society, that being a victim of predatory men came down to bad luck. Now I can see it is cultural, institutionalized, conditioned, expected, tolerated, endorsed-- and social media/ porn have made it exponentially worse.

As I got older, I realized that I won the mega millions, in the lottery of being born and existing in this world as a woman. I participate on FDS not even because I need FDS in my own life (I'm happily married), but because I want to be a part of this community. I want to help other women. My dream is to start a nonprofit company where I can employ women, find them affordable housing, help give them access to educational opportunities and in-demand skills. I give 30% of profits from my hustle to a local sex trafficking non-profit. The founder is my mentor, an extraordinary woman. I just wish there were more hours in a day, to do all the things that I want to do.

A difficult realization-- is that a lot of my dreams would not be my dreams, if men hadn't destroyed my naivete. I would have happily existed in this world blind, deaf and dumb. Their ugliness inspired me to be better, to do better.

NotSoSmartChick · 2021-02-06T01:08:43+00:00

You can’t be just friends with a straight man. They want to fuck you. They may not even realize it themselves, but it’s there.

I came to this realization by being a woman who wound up having every guy friend eventually realize they were attracted to me. I’m now friendly to men, but not friends with them.

Only_Lime2520 · 2021-02-06T02:11:07+00:00

That they actually think you're beautiful to them & worth more to them when you have your makeup on. Most nowadays won't admit it because they don't want you to know your worth (in their eyes) and that you're winning at a game they themselves designed.

That the whole beautiful thing is just a game they designed and you don't have to play it.

That they're jealous, full of anger, depraved of healthy emotions and ABSOLUTELY terrified of emotions in themselves and in others, in theory and in practice. HOWEVER they would also lie their ass off to try to deflect you from realizing this.

That they're under performing in whatever position they have in small and big corporations. Start noticing this in your workplace, from your stories of friends, relatives.

That they CANNOT take care of themselves physically & emotionally and most will DEVOLVE without the touch of a women be it their girlfriend, bangmaid, sister, mom, women friend.

That ON AVERAGE they're fucking exhausting to deal with, not because you're incapable but because THEY ARE EXHAUSTING. They always try to contest your physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual boundaries every minute of every day. You need to RUN the moment you sense even just a tiny bit of this dynamic. Don't stick around to see how bad it is. No matter how good he seems 99% of the time.

That what they offer you can do it yourself, despite they might try and convince you otherwise. Your mental well-being and general well-being are WORTH SAVING 1000x more than whatever you think you're saving by sticking by their bullshit.

That they LIE, sometimes intentionally, sometimes subconsciously because their fragile ego can't afford 5 minutes of self introspection.

That they need us to transcend (whatever that means) but only the best of them should get this opportunity from us. Don't offer resources (time, money, energy, whatever that means) to the lesser ones, no matter how "pitiful" they seem to be, no matter how tempting it is to look "generous", no matter what values were indoctrinated in you to keep you doing this for the benefit of them.

That in our reality they don't get to define our values, although in their reality it seems like those are the values we should abide by since men as a group are heavily invested in propagating every social construct imaginable to serve them collectively.

Realistmuch · 2021-02-06T05:11:38+00:00

At the risk of repeating what’s been said above, saying what I’ve realised the hard way: 1. Yes, men would sleep with anyone they can. No attraction, no feelings, no rationale apart from you allowing them to get what they want is their sole criteria.

Asset boundaries and poof! Negging, gaslighting, abusive manipulation and the whole can of worms (I picture this literally) opens.
If they realise you’re empowered, have a support system, financially independent and doing well in life, most of them would stay away ( because you won’t fit the bill of their target victim), but MANY, MANY of lowlife scrotes out there will LOVE to TRY manipulating you to get what they want, even lower your standards, or honestly, get the sadistic pleasure of knocking all that power off, even for some time if they can. You would think why they did that (after the whole charade) but it’s simply because they like bringing you down. It’s a trophy on their wall of useless-manipulation-because-they-know-you’re-better-and-they-know-they-suck. This is mostly preceded by acts of “I’m different, yore different to me, I’m all for you” BS.
Most men DO NOT take rejection or distancing well at all. Directly intertwined with their amoebic egos, they will come back, do LVM/NVM shit, and try to disturb your onward journey after you try to move on, in ANYWAY possible. I’ve seen scrotes from OLD who I’ve removed/rejected try to access my social media despite my OLD having very minimal details about me/no social media access info. And this is with scrotes who I didn’t even have a full day of conversation! Once I deleted the app because I thought I was wasting a lot of time on it and it was distracting me from a super important deal I was working on at my job, and voila! I get these message requests from random guys who I had matched with but there was NO MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION at all, trying to either ask me “what happened why did I remove them” or just random attempts to chat. 🤢
Some men are such trained manipulative scrotes in getting what they want, it will amaze you! They will listen to you, try to get what you lack/look for/want. For instance, if they understand that you don’t have a support system, they will be your universe till you start to depend on them, and love bomb you and then once they know they’ve done this, manipulation and gaslighting to get what they want, begins. The “on and off switch” of their attention becomes manic then. And it gets to the best ones too, out there.

2021-02-06T11:56:10+00:00

The basic emotions of any man are anger and pride. That’s what most of their actions are based upon.

Just because you do everything for a man does not mean that he will respect you. In fact, the more you do, the less he respects you. Let him do things for you.

Every single one of them will try to break a boundary you set. Not because they didn’t hear or understand, but because their needs come before yours. When they test those boundaries, don’t argue or try to explain how they are wrong. It won’t work. They already know.

Do not be surprised when that “male friend” you have attempts to fuck you or ghosts you when he finally gets a girlfriend. It happens 100 percent of the time.

Women are replaceable to most of them. Even if he claims to love you deeply, gaining weight, having a medical disorder, or him seeing another shiny new toy that gives him attention are all reasons enough in his brain to leave. Never fully trust that it won’t happen to you. Don’t end up like Betty Broderick and go nuts over not seeing it coming. Have your own life.

It is better to block and delete a man than try to nicely reject him. More often than not, they will go insane. I have screenshot after screenshot of men calling me every name in the book when I politely say I’m uninterested. Now, I just ghost.

If he stops texting you as much, calling you as much, or finds more and more stuff “wrong” with you when he didn’t before, he’s cheating, sis. Men need female attention. He is getting it from somewhere else and trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem.

sassenachpants · 2021-02-06T07:06:00+00:00

Most of them are not worthy of the deep, unflinching love women offer.

ariaa126 · 2021-02-06T06:50:05+00:00

Men will never apologise for their wrongdoings. Instead, they’d gaslight you into thinking you’re the one that made them do such things and you’re the one who’ll end up apologising to them.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2021-02-06T03:07:11+00:00

That everything to them revolves around "MuH PeNiS"

shockingupdate · 2021-02-06T05:48:53+00:00

One of my most important, difficult realizations about men was actually more about me (and maybe a few of you): I can project perfection onto him all I want but he’ll always be better on paper than he is in real life. I should always expect to have to vet them, train them, and teach them how to love me in constructive ways, like a child or a pet. And if a man seems perfect on the first date, that’s not him; that’s his representative.

Aka, the version he presents on Date One might disappear the moment he’s locked me in, so even when I’m dating exclusively, I’m still single until I see how he acts when he gets comfortable.

dkwantsdk · 2021-02-06T03:36:28+00:00

Men are not our equals.

Every complaint and stereotype about women is a projection of male fear.

Men seek male approval not women's. Doesn't matter their sexual orientation or if you're their life partner.

advice1988 · 2021-02-06T01:32:52+00:00

- Flattery coming from a man is hollow, they are just trying to sus you out and see if you in turn are easily swayed by some pretty words, not even original ones and take it as an indicator of how far they can take it.

- Just by witnessing how quickly men's behaviour changes when I don't react in the way they expect and being declared a bitch at a drop of a fedora. Negging is a child of flattery.

- Any remark about my looks, hold no water with me, in an age of Instagram, You could go on a page of a woman doing calligraphy art and look at the comments, they will literally talk about the way her jumper curves a woman's breast. We shouldn't be flattered by someone's observation skills. I refuse to be flattered by any man talking about my corporeal form, Have a conversation and the next time we talk remember small off hand things and flatter our intelligence and wit. If I want to be told I look great in my new dress, the gyal dem will tell me (lets be honest if a woman compliments me....I know I look good).

chlamydiakoalaa · 2021-02-06T03:22:26+00:00

That the vast majority of men will never “do the work”. Most will never go to therapy or deal with their traumas/attachment issues in order to be a healthy partner.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-02-06T03:09:47+00:00

That most of them don't see women as people, and they're happy to be "above" us

Mcccy · 2021-02-06T02:54:34+00:00

Their wet dream is a submissive wife-mommy.

I visit my fam in Greece every year but I really don't look 'greek' (blonde/blue eyes/tall). Every single time, a greek guy will hit on me in the worst English I've heard in my life and when I respond politely in greek that I am Greek I can just SEE his eyes loosing that spark.

Most Greek women are radfems and will tolerate none of greek boy bullshit and they know it. So they try to find -what they believe- "submissive" women to live their manly man dream.

If you're Asian or russian and a greek guy just won't shut up, it's cause they think you're gonna accept into being his submissive mom² , sis RUN.

burpleseaurchin · 2021-02-06T13:43:28+00:00

99.999999% of them are pornsick beyond belief. They're not only spending insane amounts of time jerking off, but they're jerking it to the most depraved and awful shit. MANY of them spend more time looking at pornstars than interacting with any real life woman, and it makes them completely fucking delusional. Some of them even manage to do that while having a girlfriend.

There's also a very very high chance that they'll have something wrong with them sexually - ED, incessantly pushing for anal, wanting an open relationship, pushing for unsafe sex/stealthing, into BDSM, willing to rape and being turned on by it, strange kinks/paraphilia, into violent sex, thinking of you in terms of porn categories, hentai, etc.

How common pornsickness is really just explained SO MUCH about many of my interactions with men. Off color jokes, inappropriate reactions to situations, awful senses of humor, etc.

swaylyn · 2021-02-06T03:07:10+00:00

That they’ll pretend to be who you want in a relationship to “keep” you. And once they feel comfortable you won’t walk they CHANGE. A nice 180 that they act like isn’t any different from how they began.

And that they have the nerve to selfish and not be talented in bed but still complain about the need for foreplay because they just want to get it in when their dick demands and foreplay “tAkEs ToO lOnG”

boredbitch2020 · 2021-02-06T03:11:37+00:00

All of them benefit from women being kept down by lvm's behavior. The low bar makes the bare minimum look better. If they do literally NOTHING for you, they can whine about what a good guy they are whenever criticised, and everyone will back then up. They Will never stand against rapist men.

They don't care about you, they care about their dick. They don't care about fuckall until it effects them. The fastest way to get through to them is to make shit their problem.

lvoncreek · 2021-02-06T10:38:06+00:00

They will never think we are equal to them. None of them, not even the nicest ones. This was very hard to accept.

Imaginary_Bed_2572 · 2021-02-06T13:17:17+00:00

Many see themselves as the default, the "neutral" and us as "the other". This is why anything we do is outstanding or disturbing to them. Everything feminine or female therefore belongs only to women and men are excluding themselves from it- this ranges from make up and fashion to child care or traditionally female jobs and sports to female owned businesses, female podcasts, youtubers.....If a company is 50/50 they believe it is more women working there, it FEELS like this to them. They don't recognize women, they overlook us, thus take us for granted as they aren't even bothered to look at the efforts we provide.

feminologie_ · 2021-02-06T03:08:47+00:00

Men are incapable of love. Their idea of "love" is simply infatuation and sexual arousal. They are incapable of loving deeply, with their heart and souls the way women are. Men's feelings of love come from their dicks. If they aren't interested in sleeping with you, then they literally cannot love you. That's why so many men leave their wives who they supposedly loved for decades, just because she gained weight or got older. They are only capable of lust and they mistake it for love.

akiikaaki · 2021-02-06T02:56:27+00:00

That they do what they do on purpose. They know they are trash and their actions are hurting you they just literally don’t care. That 99% of them only speak to me because they think they might get sex out of it one day

oi_oi_oink · 2021-02-06T03:35:42+00:00

That they're not unaware, they KNOW they're hurting you and they keep doing it because they know that you won't leave if they cry "mentul-helthh" and unawareness.

2021-02-06T08:04:24+00:00

That they can have no feelings or care about women but still want to fuck them.

JesusisKingisLord · 2021-02-06T13:11:48+00:00

That straight men who are trying to be my "friend" are always hoping in the back of their minds are hoping it turns romantic or sexual.

simplicityduplicity · 2021-02-06T12:06:57+00:00

That guys who claim to be “highly sensitive” men tend to be the most sociopathic of all. My old PickMe ass had a thing for these particular dudes and always was left wondering why they were constantly sulking, hung up on something, seemingly “weighed down”. They just want your validation and empathy. They never give a fuck about you as a person.

Salt_Satisfaction · 2021-02-06T13:17:10+00:00

That too many of them see us as inferior.

That what I thought were just friendly interactions or honest attempts at dating were just ways of trying to put their foot in the door to have sex. One guy who invited me to the cinema had even made a bet with another guy about who would lose their virginity first (as I would later find out), and I was one of the targets. Thankfully my mother, a very FDS lady, thought something was fishy and forbade me from going.

That sex with men is more likely to be disappointing than not. That's right, I thought sex would always feel as good as masturbating, I was wrong.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-02-06T16:54:40+00:00

There is a gender treatment paradox. Most men treat women like shit because most women are more than good enough. That's also why they will burn through good women for years, then settle for any woman when the "time is right", aka they hit the man wall.

Men whine and complain as if good women are hard to find, but it's the exact opposite. They know just about any woman is good enough, and that's why they have no problems with using and discarding women.

It's hard, because we have pride in ourselves, and get trained to compete with other women. There is no audition for women, if you're a stable adult, you're good enough. Any man that implies you need to prove something isn't looking for a relationship, he's just mooching benefits.

simplicityduplicity · 2021-02-06T11:20:32+00:00

That they fake compliment all the time to make themselves seem kinder than they actually are. And these fake compliments are only used to a) get out of something they’ve done or b) try to get (more) sex or c) a means to apologize. Genuine apologies are altogether rare or simply nonexistent.

spreadmywings89 · 2021-02-06T18:02:41+00:00

Every single one of them operates from a level of selfishness that is beyond comprehension. Every single one.

penelopesheets · 2021-02-06T02:17:42+00:00

Men in your family can be and often are sexually attracted to you, possibly even as a child.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-02-06T19:28:03+00:00

These are some of the things that made me just say I'M DONE

Men having back up girls for decades! They will have babies with them and even marry them then ditch them when "the one" comes along". Loyalty, not in their vocabulary.
They will say anything to you to boost their own ego, or to have sex with you. They don't have honor, or pride, that's not a thing anymore.
They will accuse their girlfriend for being controlling if she doesn't let him watch porn, go to strip clubs, or do drugs. Men not having jobs and leeching of their wives or girlfriends.
A fat guy with no education, health problems, and a dead end job that put down his blind date for being a size 8 because he thought he deserved someone younger and petite.
A man that told me on a date that he had the clap from prostitutes he frequented in Mexico and would I like to be his fuck buddy??
A man that wore house slippers on our date said the last girl he dated was high maintenance, because she wanted a house someday.

I thought maybe it was just me, maybe I attract losers. But then I looked online, at social media, and our dating culture.

Its no longer about one man and one woman involved in a healthy and happy relationship striving to build a life together (unicorn rare, HVM).
To them a man doing nice things like buying his girlfriend flowers, doing the dishes for no reason, paying bills, taking her out on a date, cleaning, pleasing her sexually, this is "simping for a woman" and discouraged by other men.
On OLD men just want "something casual" or they are polyamorous. They lie when they say they want a relationship.

The last deal breaker for me in terms of dating was that men simp for other men. Straight male culture is very homoerotic now. Straight dating is all about men impressing other men with how low they can go in terms of standards and getting their girl to do fucked up degrading shit.

Straight dating is like this:
Brian "I got my girl to do this"
Toby "I am going to try this tonight"
Toby "She hated it and cried a lot but I finally convinced her to do it, XD"

That's it

This is the least manly thing I have seen come from straight male culture. Straight dating has become dehumanizing to women, and I lost what respect I had left for them.

EarthKveik · 2021-02-06T11:55:49+00:00

So. Much. Fucking. Projection. Literally all the behaviours we're accused of, from social tropes to what we're accused of in our actual relationships, are more often performed by men. Gossiping? Gold digging? Baby trapping? "Monkey branching", you name it. They're the ones that are most likely to be doing these things.
He knows what he's doing. There's no such thing as a bumbling male.
- Same goes for neurotypical men whose executive function in the home crumbles to fuck all as soon as a woman's interested in them.
If he wanted to, he would.
If he's speaking to you he probably wants to fuck you. Actual friendship with straight males is rare as fuck, friendship with men is seldom worth pursuing.
They don't really have "types". Their "type" will be whatever you are not. It's just a ploy to keep your self esteem in the toilet.
How much they value any form of female attention and the lengths they'll go to to get it.
Most of them are too selfish and emotionally limited to have anything real with a woman.
HVM are extremely rare. The chance of an autistic woman like me finding one are slim to none, but if I focus on building a good life for myself I'll have a life that's better than anything I'd have ever had with a man.

icecream1013 · 2021-02-07T04:52:39+00:00

the epiphany that changed EVERYTHING about how I think about men, interact with men, and made me think like a man: a man knows EARLY ON (even when he meets you) what he wants from you. he knows if he wants to marry you, be casual, etc with you very early on.
men will date a woman for YEARS (even have children with her) and have zero intention or desire to marry her. a man will have no serious intention for a woman after spending 2, 3, 4, 5+ years with her. it will mean nothing for him except a good time.
men primarily want sex no matter what they say or do. their main goal is to get sex. even better if the sex is consistent and requires little effort from them to get it.
men value what they have to put in work for. they feel special by earning a woman and earning sex from her.
men fall in love by doing and giving, not receiving.
men come back primarily for sex. if he does not come back, thank your lucky stars because he knows you are serious and will not go for his bs.
men do not care about your accomplishments.
men will marry women they do not love.

Starsuponstars · 2021-02-06T17:25:56+00:00

Men are not our allies. Not even "good men," the men you like, the men you think are different, the men who parrot feminist talking points back at us. They are just hunting for more challenging prey than the regular LVM and his pickmes, because they think they're better. The masks of these dudes occasionally slip and they always reveal misogyny, but they are always surrounded by a protective ring of "feminist" pickmes who will attack anyone who calls him out on it. I'm convinced 'male allies" hang around feminists in order to undermine feminism and divert women's resources to serve male interests.

The only truly decent men I have ever known would never claim to be feminist or even a feminist ally. They butt out instead of wading in to interfere. And even the ones who aren't terrible people can't really comprehend our struggle and our pain. Their grasp of injustice is theoretical, not visceral.

Feminism, even radical feminism, is full of pickmes. It's as if the more radical a feminist is, the more disillusioned she becomes with men, the harder she needs to believe that somewhere, somehow, there is a male unicorn who isn't like all the others. These women glom onto "male allies," worship them, shower them with money, make excuses for them, and side with them against other women. Suggest to them that no oppressed group ever won their freedom by appealing to the moral sense of their oppressor (a la Assata Shakur) and you'll get a self-righteous rant about how feminism will never succeed without male help and they refuse to have anything to do with your "purity politics." The male ally in question will in 99% of cases turn out to be a predator, grifter or both, but his female disciples will deny all. Yes, even in radical feminist circles.

Knowing this is painful, but I've probably avoided a lot of trauma by actively avoiding men and never, ever assuming they are decent. I assume they are liars and pornsick creeps until a literal mountain of evidence proves otherwise, and maybe not even then.

2021-02-06T01:15:51+00:00

If you know anything about history, it becomes painfully obvious that men are born rapists and have to be trained out of it.

candyfox84 · 2021-02-06T16:21:00+00:00

The majority of men have the potential to be dangerous. Live accordingly.

divination__ · 2021-02-06T18:33:37+00:00

You have to treat men like dogs. I don't mean keep them tied up, lol... more that you need to be constantly standing your ground. You can't reason and explain to a dog why it shouldn't bite you, you should just have enough authority for it to know it shouldn't, and for there to be consequences if it does. If you are too lax, if you don't uphold your boundaries, you will be walked all over.

I don't even think they're fully aware when they take advantage, they just think 'she's offering this to me for free, why shouldn't I take it'. You have to take your payment upfront. And this is constant. I think there are good men, and i think men are capable of love, but we shouldn't project our own conscientiousness and empathy onto them and assume they will see how hard you've worked for them, how much you've sacrifice, and reward you. make sure you are getting yours right from the start.

IAteTheDragon · 2021-02-06T20:44:28+00:00

Oh, and one more thing. They are most probably signed into some porn/sex platform. I've seen it. Back in the day I set up an accoubt on the most infamously, notoriously explicit sex/dating portal in my country(for shits and giggles, it couldnt be that bad could it) What I have seen I will never unsee. It got me sign tf out with screeching tyres.

Thousands upon thousands of users, most of them posting their dicks, DMing me in hordes, begging for sex, publishing videos of their sperming dicks, Dick zombies. (There were women too obviously, but most of them doing stuff for the money) A nest of abomination. Thousands upon thousands of men from my city alone. Then it hit me: they're out there when I take a bus, they are passing me by on the street. They are someone's boyfriend, husband, father, neighbour. I literally live among them.

The shocking number of users made me realize I cant possibly risk and take men seriously,while my own immediate environment consists of this sex platform zombie users. A very grim realization. There were hundreds od thousands users from my own city, how the fuck can this be real. It's been out there on the back of my head ever since. 😔

Introambi1 · 2021-02-06T15:00:08+00:00

Men have taught me not to love what I can’t trust.

2021-02-06T16:27:30+00:00

Many of them, if not most, will NEVER be able to empathise with you, solely because they are not a woman.

There are four types of people when it comes to empathy. Those that are capable of it without having to experience anything themselves, those who cannot empathise no matter what, those who are only capable of empathising with you if they experienced the same thing or something similar, and those who have experienced the same thing but still cannot empathise because they’re a crappy person.

Some men are the third kind. They empathise with you or respect you, but ONLY because they have sisters, mothers, wives or daughters. Maybe even then, the empathy and respect is half-assed. Or they FINALLY get what it means to be objectified when a gay man (most likely very politely, because gay is not synonymous with predatory) hits on them.

Many men are the last kind. They can go through something similar to you, or see something happening to someone else that is happening to you. Something that should have made them grow as a person. But for whatever fucking reason, they don’t.

Most men are the second type. They just can’t empathise. And if that’s the case, they’ll blame it on men being logical beings 🙄 I have met more illogical men than logical. Rubbish.

2021-02-06T18:14:32+00:00

Men see sex as an extension of masturbation

IAteTheDragon · 2021-02-06T19:52:27+00:00

That their ONLY natural advantege over women is being physically stronger. And that was enough for them to take over the world.

IAteTheDragon · 2021-02-06T19:48:59+00:00

That they are really not as fascinating or interesting as I used to assume. How can you possibly be impressed with a being who is merely a vessel/servant to his penis? Plus, they are soo soo whiny. Very unimpressive.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-02-06T06:36:27+00:00

The pretty ones count in their looks to skate by and get confused when some one expects competence out of them.

faux_naturale · 2021-02-07T00:49:24+00:00

That they will fuck anything. So their compliments and degradations are equally meaningless.

Mella_20 · 2021-02-07T06:03:50+00:00

I realized that men will do literally ANYTHING they can get away with.

Usually a woman won't stay with a guy she can't be bothered to treat nicely. But a man will. For the benefits. There is someone out there he can respect but he won't wait or try to find her. He is perfectly content stringing the other one along.

There is no shame or restraint or conscience. No "hmm maybe I shouldn't do this cause it isn't fair". They will do it if the woman won't stand up for herself. I came to realize this by observing around me. Found some insight on FDS as well.

I'm still trying to figure out how I can trust men if they are only as loyal as their options, and whatever option they have they will use to their advantage. It seems the only option is to vet continuously and set boundaries and be extra careful, but what's the point if you can't trust them to do right by you without having to train them like dogs?

i_said_what_i_said_ · 2021-02-06T14:15:15+00:00

Their motivations for most things are sex or control/power.

miwamus · 2021-02-06T17:43:07+00:00

They know.

Spiritual_Cockroach · 2021-02-07T00:13:29+00:00

Women stand to lose way more than men do from modern relationships. That's why 50/50 is bullshit. We might be able to be independent financially now and not have to rely on marriage to survive, but now we still get the shit end of the stick, they expect us to work full time, pay half for everything and still do all or most of the chores, child rearing and be a kinky bangmaid? That does not benefit us, if a man can't even bother to pay for a nice date why the hell does he feel entitled to all of the above? This is why we need to be vetting and careful and only accept HVM. Women are the ones who lose, we lose time, we lose money, we lose energy from men who want to use us while going 50/50 and doing the bare minimum or less while they look for our replacement and dip as soon as it's convenient for them.

dancedance_83 · 2021-02-06T07:32:20+00:00

That if you set the expectation low, they’ll gladly follow it.

Evidence: I had abandonment issues when I dated my first boyfriend. I told (begged) him, “please don’t leave me.” And, he didn’t. He just treated me like garbage because all I required him to do was stay with me. Que Surprised Pikachu face when I had enough and left him. It was because he thought I’d never leave either bc that’s all that was expected and required.

pikkpie · 2021-02-06T04:20:53+00:00

That attractive men flatter me if they give me attention. Bruh, learned the hard way-

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-02-09T01:08:23+00:00

that for men, shit behavior is the default, and is only changed when harsh, steep penalties are involved.

That there is NO such thing as the "ugly but nice" guy. They're ALL built the same. They're ALL going to start off being perfect, nice, sweet, kind, caring, compassionate at the beginning of the relationship and then degrade over time. So you might as well go for looks, given that personality "fades" quickly in men.

mtan15 · 2021-02-07T11:09:41+00:00

That they really are mostly the same entitled, porn sick pieces of shit.

2021-02-09T11:04:38+00:00

That men won't break up with you if they don't like you. They'll waste your time while looking for your replacement and then dump you. Or they might stay with you while having your replacement.

In men's eyes were just disposable holes and human diaries/therapist for them emotionally dump on. Not to mention they will try to turn us into unpaid maid sex slaves.

sekhmetwisdom · 2021-03-02T05:24:30+00:00

That scrotes do not see women as human

sekhmetwisdom · 2021-03-02T05:21:36+00:00

Scrotes are from planet death and came to mother earth to eat us alive

Title	What are some of the most difficult realizations you’ve had about men ?
Author	_differentmentality_
Upvotes	323
Comments	226
Date	February 6, 2021 12:51 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ldm098/what_are_some_of_the_most_difficult_realizations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-are-some-of-the-most-difficult-realizations.1192947 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192947

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