UPDATE 2: Girlfriend stopped taking the pill without telling me, and is now pregnant. Says she wants to keep it. I'm extremely scared.

typhonblue · 2013-03-27T02:14:18+00:00

You owe her nothing. Zero tolerance for abusive behaviour.

Learn from this. Here's some advice: don't fuck a woman you wouldn't have a kid with.

MisterFriday · 2013-03-27T02:35:21+00:00

I told her I forgot something in the car, got in my car and sped off.

Wow that is pretty harsh.... I can't say I blame you though given the story you told. Likely crushed her heart so she will talk shit about you till the end of time. Eventually she will get over it and life will move on.

das_masterful · 2013-03-27T04:41:36+00:00

Whilst I think it is bad form to speed off like you did, it was the most practical thing to do. She did not show an ounce of thought when she tried to trap you into fathering a child you had no intention of making. Selfish behaviour in the extreme from her.

It is a bad situation all round, but the best came out of it.

I know that last sentence is a bit Freudian, but hey, good luck to you dude. I second what typhonblue said, don't screw a woman you wouldn't have a kid with.

deshki · 2013-03-27T07:30:51+00:00

I drove her home (because of pain killers) and I parked. We got out and I told her I forgot something in the car, got in my car and sped off.

Ice. Cold.

ArchangelleSemenelle · 2013-03-27T03:33:19+00:00

That deception was terrible. I would have ended the relationship as well.

Always bag your little dude. Never trust that there is birth control being used.

Blow-it-out-your-ass · 2013-03-27T02:25:07+00:00

I almost forgot that these type of things could end before reaching the judicial system, well done.

Moxiecontin · 2013-03-27T02:18:54+00:00

Hahahaha!

That was pretty terrible of you. I understand that she did a terrible thing, but I don't know how I feel about doing a terrible thing back. She's just going to tell everyone what an asshole you are. But still, teeheehee.

Put her stuff into a box and mail it to her, tomorrow, just suck up the ten dollars it'll probably cost you. She'll just try to talk to anyone who goes to her house in your stead, and it's not super fair to put someone else in the middle of this. Also, she'll probably claim that there's more stuff at your house, accept that and be prepared for a visit from her.

AnnArchist · 2013-03-27T04:29:14+00:00

As the poster of this comment

Good work.

Pecanpig · 2013-03-27T02:19:38+00:00

So just out of curiosity, how did she go from wanting the baby to having an abortion?

higherpowers · 2013-03-27T15:15:25+00:00

Well played OP.

Don't bother yourself with the douchey white-knights, what you did was a bit harsh but the only way to play it unless you want to pay for a kid she tried to trap you into having. Any of these "omg she is so fragile right now, shouldn't have left durr hurr" weak, and impossibly stupid redditors groaning on about the feelings and emotional state of the hostage taker. What kind of stockholm syndrome bullshit is that? WTF /r/MensRights?

Once she didn't have any "bullets in the gun" there's no reason for you to give two shits about her. She tried to fuck your life up, she backed down on her initial claim, but would any sane person then try to sit around and pat this crazy bitch on the back? Are you planning on staying in touch? No? Then good, get the fuck out.

And at the very same time these retards are swooning for the poor girl who had to make a decision to terminate a pregnacy that she alone decided on... fuck that. Fuck everything about that, like your life hasn't been nothing but stress since SHE STARTED THIS SHIT. Tough shit crazy, manipulative bitch.

OneTrappedMan · 2013-03-27T02:32:47+00:00

You should use a condom in the future.

lordslag · 2013-03-27T15:50:14+00:00

I'm so glad you dodged that bullet. Never trust a woman with birth control. EVER. Enjoy the freedom that I lost so long ago, sir.

And to all you manginas out there chiding him for ending the relationship, you may consume feces and expire. Doing this to a man is worse than cheating, worse than faking a marriage to obtain alimony, worse than assault that results in injury. It's basically abusing the law to enslave a man for 18 years against his will. Speeding off into the sunset was the BEST thing he could have possibly done.

chavelah · 2013-03-27T02:04:46+00:00

Wow. I'm glad this ended without a baby getting born.

drake129103 · 2013-03-27T02:56:16+00:00

For what it's worth I think what you did was awesome. Cut all contact, have a mutual friend bring her, her stuff and you never have to see her again. Hopefully you learned a valuable lesson. I wish you the best of luck in the future my friend.

Peter_Principle_ · 2013-03-27T12:58:04+00:00

This "in the future, keep it in your pants" idea directed at the OP seems to be a fairly common theme running through this thread. If it were a woman escaping an abusive relationship instead of a man, I have to wonder if everyone would be saying "Now don't go spreading your legs for just anyone."?

Xenoith · 2013-03-27T05:12:38+00:00

You uh, should have maybe explained things to her if only for your own safely. You already know she's deceptive, wouldn't be surprised if she pulled some false accusations out about violence or rape. Record yourself for a while and keep alibis.

DaPuppers · 2013-03-27T09:10:54+00:00

You did what you had to do man.

But this is heavy fuel for the feminist agenda.

Lets hope she doesn't cry rape later on to get you back.

Vandredd · 2013-03-27T12:16:43+00:00

You should have just old her it was over. I understand wanting to just end it, I hope you don't wind up having a false rape accusation leveled against you out of spite.

equilshift · 2013-03-27T14:31:29+00:00

OP needs to brace for the false rape claim headed his way. I believe if a woman would lie about being on birth control to try and trap you into a relationship, she would be just the type of shitty person who would lie about sexual/domestic violence.

Assuming it would be a lie, of course.

Vegemeister · 2013-03-27T10:45:01+00:00

While it feels like you're home free, it might have been better to put her off gently and decisively, to minimize backlash and reduce the likelihood of attempts at revenge. You could probably still send a text message along the lines of

Attempting to make me a father without my consent was morally reprehensible, and I was deeply hurt by your actions. I hope you will think carefully on that and never do it again. In any case, you will not have a second chance to do it to me. Please do not contact me again.

DeePrincess · 2013-03-27T13:17:17+00:00

I am horrified this happened to you. I'm happy you took steps to get this corrected and hope it gets better as time passes.

saladdressed · 2013-03-28T00:51:57+00:00

I’m amazed by all the responses calling OP a jerk or accusing him of being “mean” for running away from an abusive situation. I’m sure it does indeed suck for this woman to be abandoned following her abortion, but she is not entitled to support, attention or coddling from a man she manipulated, threatened and abused!

There is no standard of decency that demands that one has to keep putting emotional energy and support into a manipulative, vindictive individual who’s intently been bleeding said energy dry. Enough is enough.

It’s relevant to point out that “comforting” this woman is not actually possible because the only acceptable outcome for her is the OP proposing to her and the assurance that he will stay with her and financially support her forever. Aside from the disgusting demand that he spend even more time with her abuser, let’s face it, he’s gonna break her heart either way—quibbling over whether the way he did it was “nice” enough is trivial

Needless to say I have very little sympathy for this woman. She engaged in reproductive coercion, something that meets the standard for sexual assault in my (and many other’s) opinion. She did it clearly to trap the OP in a relationship. She even assured him she would punish him for breaking up with her by pursuing child support. She got the abortion because she believed that would keep the OP in her life! She treated her pregnancy and potential child as a pawn for manipulating her partner and as a possible payday and that’s despicable. It’s a fucking kid, not something you lord over your partner in a dysfunctional relationship. A woman making a unilateral decision to get pregnant against her partners wishes is no doubt selfish, but it’s punishing her child most of all. I think having mom and dad both on board with wanting and planning for baby is the bare minimum we owe the next generation—anything short of that is child abuse.

SuspiciousGoat · 2013-03-27T15:17:40+00:00

Congrats on getting out of that bind, dude, but I'm afraid I can't agree with speeding off like that. From comments I understand that you had to promise to stay with her to get the abortion done, but you should have at least told her you're still leaving afterwards. It's more respectful and gives you better footing if she pulled a double blind and didn't actually get the abortion.

Why respect her after she did this to you? Because it prevents you from going down to her level. It makes it harder for her to lump the blame on you and by doing so, avoid learning anything from these events. No one wants her doing this to her next man.

That being said, you still did the right thing.

OneTrappedMan · 2013-03-27T16:27:50+00:00

OP is a fucking champ!

Pop the champagne, bro. And always wear a rubber.

rightsbot · 2013-03-27T01:58:18+00:00

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ANALGAPE · 2013-03-27T03:42:09+00:00

I am glad you got out of the relationship, but I don't think that was the best way to handle it.

Good luck and don't ever go back to her.

PinballWizard10 · 2013-03-27T07:58:07+00:00

I want to start by saying that what you did was not wrong, and you don't owe her anything.

But you should have offered a formal breakup. I don't think it's a bad thing that you took off like that, just that it would have been better to sit her down and explain why you're doing what you're doing.

DrDerpberg · 2013-03-27T16:31:16+00:00

Good on you. Too many guys would've been sucked back in.

If she's willing to be this deceptive on such a huge issue and announce her plans to leech you for every penny, she's going to do worse to the poor fuck who ends up putting up with her.

darkmuskrat · 2013-03-27T03:47:14+00:00

I cant judge if what you did was good or bad. But you made a decision, remember to stick to your guns. And remember when to keep your pecker in your pocket.

DerpaNerb · 2013-03-27T04:17:58+00:00

I don't know if I would have just sped off lol... she could maybe at least get an explanation, but I'm glad you didn't get forced into paying for a kid for two decades.

invislvl4 · 2013-03-27T06:48:27+00:00

You did the right thing by leaving like you did as only pity would have kept you there unable to leave. Far better this way for the level of her immaturity and lack of respect for you and your life. Just remember to not give in, all it takes is answering the phone once or a single text and it's all back to square one. Good luck

PowerWisdomCourage · 2013-03-27T12:46:47+00:00

Good that you ended it, but that was rather lacking compassion. Of course, she shouldn't have put you through all that bullshit to begin with so I understand your reasons.

Neurotikitty · 2013-03-27T14:38:00+00:00

Not to be Captain Hindsight, but I'm going to go ahead and give advice to all men out there that I've heard frequently directed at young women.

"Always be responsible for your own birth control."

Bobsutan · 2013-03-27T15:05:13+00:00

Hail Mary, successful! Tom Leykis would be proud. You should call his show and tell people your story.

JamesRyder · 2013-03-27T15:16:58+00:00

Two types of wrong exist - moral wrongs and legal wrongs. The difference between them is that one of them hurts someones feewings and the other lands you in prison.

I'm sure some guy sat in prison right now because he was unable to pay his child support after getting fired during the recession is patting himself on back going "Gee wizz I sure did the Right Thing™".

I speak from experience having run away many times from bad situations.

YumYum_Bottle_of_Rum · 2013-03-27T15:47:32+00:00

Keep driving and don't look back. You did the right thing.

2013-03-27T16:47:38+00:00

I hope you've learned your lesson! NEVER, EVER believe a girl who says she's on the pill, or she can't get pregnant. NEVER!

2013-03-27T18:45:33+00:00

If she tries to contact you going forward contact the police and record/store any phone calls, messages etc. keep a written journal of every bit of contact from her going forward.

She's a psychopath so I wouldn't be surprised if she pulled the rape card on you now for ditching her.

noodleworm · 2013-03-27T19:04:39+00:00

Your right to leave a relationship with a woman you don't trust. But am I the only one who feels kinda bad for her that you dropped her off after having an abortion. Lied to her and ran away.

If she really wanted the kid she's be in a fragile state cos she only aborted it cos of you. Could have at least seen her inside and told her you were leaving.

Maybe cos im just not the type of guy to gold a grudge. She did wrong but that seemed kinda like kicking her while she's down.

TheCameraLady · 2013-03-27T21:38:20+00:00

Well it's a dick move. But being a dick is a small price to pay, compared to 18 years of child support. You did the right thing.

Edit: Also hey, I'm genuinely curious to hear if anything further happens. Maybe she'll get knocked up by another guy, and say "lul i faked abortion, pay me". Or maybe she'll turn into an obsessive nutter who beats your door down. Keep us posted, bro.

Dnar_Semaj · 2013-03-28T04:09:02+00:00

I'm still waiting for SRS to come here.

Glad you're OK OP.

ThetaOmega · 2013-03-28T04:32:08+00:00

If she shows up a few months later saying she is pregnant again/didn't get the abortion, demand a paternity test.

With all that has happened, it is a possibility that she might try and get pregnant by someone else, and claim it's yours.

2013-03-28T08:53:03+00:00

http://i.imgur.com/IAtojNh.gif

The look on her face as you drove off must have been beautiful.

Coinin · 2013-03-27T11:30:09+00:00

I think you were probably right to end it, especially given how you felt about her, but running away like that was a pretty uncompassionate thing to do. I really think you should try to mend your bridges with her.

youdneverthink · 2013-03-27T12:05:26+00:00

So I went with for two abortions (I was a dumb dumb teen) and four hours seems legit. Was she hurting? It is pretty painfully for a day or two. Your doing the smart thing by staying away.

dusthoof · 2013-03-27T12:40:05+00:00

God bless you good sir

almightybob1 · 2013-03-27T13:41:18+00:00

Well, you were in an impossible situation with no good outcome. Speeding off is maybe not the best way to handle it, but it's done now. Who knows, maybe it'll shock her into realising how immoral her own actions were when she's on the receiving end this time.

Anyway, you should just send the stuff straight away and get it over and done with. Good luck.

keithlmac · 2013-03-27T14:01:09+00:00

Excellent job man.

2013-03-27T14:21:03+00:00

Congratulations on getting your freedom back, but while you may not have done anything particularly wrong, you also didn't display any basic human compassion towards a woman who had just gone through a huge emotional trauma, regardless of whether or not she had wronged you. You are right, but you are not kind.

RD_Is_Best_Pony · 2013-03-27T14:21:04+00:00

Shit, you had the nuts to do what you had to. Good on you.

lazlounderhill · 2013-03-27T16:48:51+00:00

This is exactly why I always use a condom (never kept in place that it could be deliberately sabotaged - you are taking this risk everytime if you take her word for it. I'd be willing to guess that 1 out of every 3 pregnancies is a direct result of this. The OP did exactly the right thing by getting the hell away from her - she's forever untrustworthy and a sociopath.

2013-03-27T16:50:15+00:00

Sadly there's not much you can do. No legal recourse. Sorta why this subreddit exists in the first place.

capitanestevan · 2013-03-27T17:50:29+00:00

I think it's time you changed your username :)

Glad everything worked out for you

johnsmith66 · 2013-03-27T18:35:11+00:00

I drove her home (because of pain killers) and I parked. We got out and I told her I forgot something in the car, got in my car and sped off.

Good. Get her out of your life.

noprotein · 2013-03-27T19:29:12+00:00

As a man and a sympahtizer to OP and MRA, its a bad situation but you chose a fast, rough and cruel approach. I think its best for everyone vs the opposite but there was more you could have tried. I get it but its cruel.

AHairySomeone · 2013-03-28T00:16:59+00:00

What kind of car do you have? I wanna know how fast you got out of there.

Nimzo · 2013-03-28T03:19:06+00:00

There was a discussion here a few days ago about this exact same scenario. I brought up the fact that men don't have any safeguards against this sort of behavior and can be forced to pay child support for the next eighteen years, while women have access to abortion or adoption. I want to see if all the downvoters still think this is fair.

ecko009 · 2013-05-12T15:12:01+00:00

all jokes aside you just dodged a missle

NotARealAtty · 2013-03-27T21:34:09+00:00

I would suggest pursuing charges for rape/sexual assault by fraud. Though succeeding would be a long shot, your situation could set a precedent for other men in the same position. There's plenty of case law of it happening with the genders were switch, which would support your claim...though we all know that's not how it usually works out.

cheshire137 · 2013-03-28T13:40:59+00:00

I didn't see the "home" part on first read, so I was picturing you dropping her off on the side of the road out in the desert or something. Was getting all riled up, reread, "oh, okay".

browhodouknowhere · 2013-03-28T02:32:51+00:00

As a dude, you should have stayed with her after the abortion.

2013-03-27T10:49:08+00:00

this was very cowardly

you really should've had the conversation with her that you had with us

it's not like you'll never have to deal with her again

2013-03-28T01:42:35+00:00

Hope she gets over you soon. You have treated her like crap, lied and led her on. And the saddest thing is that your child is gone because you were too irresponsible to let it live. I can only hope you have another chance to have a child someday. It could have helped you to grow up.

Cyridius · 2013-03-27T07:44:12+00:00

Yeah, so I get why you did what you did. But it was wrong. You should face up to that - not as a man, but as a decent human being. Not having the guts to tell her to her face that you want nothing to do with her... Not to mention I would wager that seeing as she finally did get the abortion she would be feeling some measure of guilt.

I would suggest answering that call the next time. It's the right thing to do.

And yes, I know, I read the whole thing. She's a crazy bitch out of her mind, and her family's likely crazy too. But she's still a person.

Cyridius · 2013-03-27T13:53:49+00:00

Never trust a female, no matter how you feel about her or what she tells you. Always protect yourself. ALWAYS protect yourself.

Tiggity-T · 2013-03-27T16:31:35+00:00

Sorry, but you are both equally selfish and short sighted. And now an innocent life is gone for the sake of convenience.

Sadiebb · 2013-03-27T04:03:12+00:00

Just a suggestion, though maybe too late for you... Think LONG and HARD about slamming someone who's already down. And someone who's just had an abortion and is woozy from drugs is about as down as it gets.

You could end up like the guy who spent hours being interviewed by the police after his name & behavior was featured (accurately, I'm sorry to say) in a suicide note. It was a relief to him that charges were not pursued...until the note was released to the person it was addressed to.

What an ugly situation that was.

eeezo · 2013-03-27T15:53:56+00:00

So, you didn't use a condom even though you know the pill isn't 100% effective. Then when she gets pregnant, you guilt her into having an abortion. Then after the abortion, you leave an emotionally distraught woman with no moral support.

You paint yourself as a victim and you don't want to take responsibilty for your actions. Thank fuck no baby came out of this, because both of you sound like really fucking horrible people.

infiniteyawn · 2013-03-27T09:16:14+00:00

Yeah okay, but you can't coerce someone into getting an abortion and then just speed into the sunset.

I don't know what else you could have done, but a little compassion might have helped....

no_pants_lance · 2013-03-27T14:31:37+00:00

sorry OP, but the speeding away thing was childish at best.

What you SHOULD have done was break it off with her and tell her exactly why you don't want to continue the relationship (because of her dishonesty and deception) take the higher ground and explain to her that the deception was not okay and you weren't going to stand for it. Now, to her, you're just the asshole who sped away and left her hanging after having an abortion.

I realize this is /r/mensrights but that doesn't mean we can't have a little respect and be adults about handling situations with abusive SO's

who's to say now that she won't go out and get pregnant from a one night stand and try to say she never really got the abortion and the kid is yours? what if she never really got the abortion in the first place?

My advice to you OP, and I hope that this doesn't get downvoted into oblivion just because it goes against MRA hivemind, is to call her, explain what you did and that it was impulsive, and explain to her that the reason you don't want to be with her anymore is because she deceived you in the way that she did.

dpearson27 · 2013-03-27T15:32:42+00:00

OP, you're a childish dick

Tusse · 2013-03-27T13:16:21+00:00

Sounds like the two of you were a perfect match... :-D

Let's just hope the outrageous tale of the two of you messing each other up comprehensively gets round so that normal people can avoid both of you.

mrdenver · 2013-03-27T14:55:07+00:00

You are a coward speeding away like that. You should have told her why you want out instead of leaving the girl hanging. For godsakes the girl just had an abortion and you sped off. wtf. This is not about men's rights. If you want men to be respected start acting like one.

hous · 2013-03-27T04:54:10+00:00

Son, I am disappoint.

IsADragon · 2013-03-27T02:35:17+00:00

Yo dude I know other people are saying that you don't owe her anything and all that crap but what you did is very immature. Yeah what she did was incredibly shitty but going through all this was something she did for you. It's going to make her feel like shit and you running away from this like a child just going to make everything even worse. You'll constantly be running from her and your mutual friends and the things around her.

She fucked up big time, doesn't mean she deserves you being such an ass back. You at least owe her an apology and an explanation and a clarification on where you stand with her. Avoiding your responsibility is just going to make things worse and could bite you in the ass. At least fucking call her and tell her you don't want to be with her anymore because you can't trust her anymore.

stopsayingfaggot · 2013-03-27T06:13:37+00:00

You're a coward for not breaking up with her. She had no more leverage or power over you - you're rich, she's poor and just went through a physically and emotionally difficult experience. You could have confronted her about how you felt manipulated and lied to, or even tried to end things amicably if you wanted. You risk nothing by breaking up with her; in fact it might even help prevent unwanted drama (stalking, retaliation) down the road. But instead you just lied and ran away.

loony636 · 2013-03-27T05:37:34+00:00

We got out and I told her I forgot something in the car, got in my car and sped off.

Well that's mature.

Lolthien · 2013-03-27T12:59:39+00:00

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

That is about the shittiest thing in the world to have done. Seriously, short of punching her in her surgery scar and THEN running off... good lord man. She got a fucking abortion for you. She did what you wanted. Christ on a cracker, is this considered what men's rights is?

There are some people calling you out for being a shitty, shitty person. But then they says 'she deserved it' or some bullshit.

You are telling me, that the most mature, manly, and adult thing to do was to lie after taking her home (after being suspicious that she FAKED AN ABORTION) then flee like a goddamn roach under the fridge?

It is situations like this that give radical feminists the ammunition they need to keep emasculating men. This is a motherfucking tragedy and I'm ashamed to be part of a community that supports it.

ryhntyntyn · 2013-03-27T09:36:39+00:00

Dear OP,

You suck. This doesn't mean she wasn't wrong, to do what she did. But no one else is responsible for your contraception. You should have been wrapping it in the first place. And your irresponsibility is what led to being put in a position where someone else could victimize you. Victim blaming? No. Had you been wearing condoms, THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED.

You deserve no props, especially for the way you sped off at the end, like a fucking weasel. You are a class A douchebag. She sucks. Everybody loses. Every pat on the back you recieve on this is only coming from another douchebag. And anything that you do to try and paint yourself as a good guy or a victim is simply self deception.

Doucheception.

This subreddit should be condemning you for bringing the whole level of the gender down a notch.

CosmicKeys · 2013-03-27T09:05:10+00:00

Dude... an abortion is a huge deal, you need to rectify this. Girls and women can develop serious PSTD like symptoms, and this is likely a defining point in her life. Two wrongs do not make a right, you did not do the "right thing" as you put it, you felt terrible for a reason.

You don't owe her a relationship, but every human being deserved a basic amount of respect.

Andoo · 2013-03-27T04:02:36+00:00

I was in a similar situation once, but wasn't going to post here because I ended up dating my girlfriend and we got married. This sub would have creamed me for defending the girl when we had so little to go off of. All we had was your story. I still get angry thinking about some of the things my wife did when we were younger.

It seems like you both doged a bullet. Hopefully she will grow into a mature woman who does not tread so lightly on rocky waters. Hopefully you will buck the fuck up and become a man. You should feel sick as a dog right now. You just helped end your child's life even if you didn't plan it. You seem more concerned about trivial things, like how these posts go and how you look in all this. Just remember who you are.

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