Why do people assume that men that don’t get dates are basement dwelling neck beards?

pooseehunter · 2022-06-18T03:47:37+00:00

Just world fallacy

ResponsibilityKey427 · 2022-06-18T05:51:17+00:00

Plenty of guys that have their stuff together aren’t getting laid due to height and face.

melody_of_ · 2022-06-18T03:58:10+00:00

Just world fallacy, women need to justify the relative abundance and fruition of dating options they have as being largely an extension of their quality ot character. If you believe that you "earned " your options how offensive would you find the idea that the lions share of your options were purchased with the existence of what layeth below.

In the case of males they are either very successful so some of the above applies or they take the female experience and perspective as canon and run with it.

After all the world and your lot in it seems a lot brighter when you believe it wasn't just given to you as a birthright.

Nocupofkindnessyet · 2022-06-18T04:45:07+00:00

Because this is reddit. Thats just what people think the average redditor is like.

shonenhikada · 2022-06-18T03:56:52+00:00

So why is this the immediate assumption of struggling guys?

Just world fallacy. Women want to maintain the facade that female attraction is fair, virtuous, and not shallow, so when they hear of a guy struggling to date, they immediately gaslight him and accuse him of being a horrible person. The fact that there are many genuinely good men with their lives together who get zero female attention pokes a hole in this idea.

And why isn’t it that of struggling women?

Because of the empathy gap and female hypoagency/male hyperagency. In our gynocentric society, women are more valuable than men, so when women struggle they receive sympathy/support and society is blamed. In contrast, men who struggle are told to suck it up and that it's all his own fault.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-06-18T07:04:59+00:00

This occurs because women arent really aware of how difficult dating is for most men. They think it is comparably, or even more difficult for them.

Spiritual_Age_4992 · 2022-06-18T06:40:45+00:00

Either that or it's because you're a "misogynistic creep who hates all women" & they get "incel vibes" on their inbuilt vibe detection radar when within 3 meters of you.

It's just victim blaming.

I grew up in a religion called Hinduism.

When I asked them why were some people born blind, deaf, or with terminal illnesses that made them die at childbirth or live a life of agony - even if God exists, their answer literally was

"it's because they commited great sins in their past life, don't you know? They deserve it"

This is no different.

People who are more fortunate like to imagine that they got their by their own hard work & character, rather than 90% luck.

If some homeless person is dying on the street, it must be because they did drugs & lost everything and they deserve it.

It's the same between the rich & the poor, between the fortunate & the unfortunate, between the nobles & the peasants.

The underclass must be brainwashed & kept down somehow.

washington_breadstix · 2022-06-18T13:00:55+00:00

In addition to the "just-world fallacy", I think people tend to subconsciously evaluate men solely according to their ability to get women.

DizzyReplacement44 · 2022-06-18T05:02:19+00:00

In general, it's nicer to think that bad things that happen to people were well deserved.

From a woman's perspective, it's probably easier to justify rejecting a guy for a socially acceptable reason (like he's a basement dweller) instead of reasons which may invoke thoughts of her character flaws (shallowness).

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-06-18T04:34:35+00:00

Because telling that lie makes them feel like they deserve it. It’s dehumanizing.

hari_hbp · 2022-06-18T11:02:57+00:00

Again, my advice is just ignore that. It used to make me a little bit angry but then I realised, "meh, why am I getting affected by some random person's comment?"

Are you a basement dweller? Are you a guy with a neckbeard? If the answer is no to both questions, then ignore people who call you "basement-dwelling neckbeard". Same thing when they call you a misogynist, a woman-hater, loser (now that's a bit debatable) whatever whatever.

You have to realise that you can have the best morals out there (rivalling captain america), you can still be single because you're not hot/attractive.

I have a question though; Are you having fun in your life or are you truly happy with your hobbies/activities/social life (except this dating issue)?

stingadingding17 · 2022-06-18T13:39:56+00:00

Because women are showered with attention 24/7 and could get a date any time any day because guys are desperate and have infinitely lower standards than women. So women assume that guys have the same experience. Also, since most women are fucking the same pool of highly romantically successful men, the men that THEY interact with are all wildly successful sexually, so they assume it is the same for all men.

Haven’t you had any Twitter feminists go off on you about how women should be able to fuck a trillion dudes and not be judged for being whores, and then explain how it’s okay because that’s what guys do? That’s cause they assume that every dude is having the same experiences as Johnny Frat boy who plowed them last Saturday night and never called them again, because those are the only men these women are interacting with because they are the ones getting all the girls. So they just assume if you’re not getting any you must be a basement dwelling loser because in their mind, guys are all just Johnny Frat boy…

BennyHillThemeStops · 2022-06-18T06:55:15+00:00

Because only unattractive people are meant to struggle at dating and the neckbeard stereotype is easy to point at.

I don't ever assume that guys who struggle at dating are like that. However, what I do know is that most guys have zero natural game.

I am the same and have had to force myself to watch comedy dating shows and PUA content to learn how to flirt with women.

twisted_rainbow · 2022-06-18T04:05:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

back_in_blyat · 2022-06-18T10:44:31+00:00

Because you have to be the female equivalent to not get dates as a woman

caption291 · 2022-06-18T03:59:06+00:00

So why is this the immediate assumption of struggling guys?

Because it's convenient to maintain whatever worldview they have. The details of what that worldview is can change slightly but why they do it on a fundamental level is basically invariably just to maintain their worldview.

2022-06-18T06:22:08+00:00

If anyone here says anything other than Just World fallacy, they’re outing themselves.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-06-18T13:08:34+00:00

People have this idea what virgins look like but in real life they would never know

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-06-18T14:05:22+00:00

A lot of dudes are slobs. You aren’t. Don’t take it personal. Toss advice that doesn’t apply to you.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-06-18T14:05:32+00:00

21 is still very young and I'm not entirely surprised you haven't been on a date. You sound busy! School, work, 10 hours in the gym a week, and keeping an active social life? This can leave little time to actually find someone you'd be interested in dating especially if your friend circle is mostly or exclusively male.

I was in a predominantly female friend group, the extremely extroverted friends were constantly introducing us to new people they met through school and dragging the introvert's out to events. When a new guy was introduced I joked they were chum getting thrown into a shark tank, a group of single women actively looking, they usually ended up dating or in a FWB with one of us. This is how I met my partner who largely didn't hang out with men, men are often not a pathway to further social connections if I am being honest (caveat they are more likely to be if they're in a relationship where you meet "couples friends") . He's still friends with the women he was when I met him almost 12 years ago now which makes me think even more highly of him.

I know a couple great guys who are/were single for a long period. Usually it was issues like struggling with depression and self-worth that caused it. A lot of times they withdraw from going out completely. So I generally chalk it up to that, not meeting enough women in safe comfortable settings, or just genuinely being unappealing.

2022-06-18T05:17:05+00:00

>why is this the immediate assumption of struggling guys? And why isn’t it that of struggling women?
I usually assume the same or even worse assumptions for struggling women tbh. For whatever reason, you don’t understand your market value and overestimate what you can reasonably pull. It might be your looks don’t appeal to many people, (hit the gym, get a good haircut) you suffer from shyness or you are socially awkward (get a hobby, touch grass), or you just aim for people above your pay grade. Some people are unfortunate and have things they can’t change like being severely short, a bad case of autism etc, and simply need to forget all improvement advice and develop in other areas. Yeah, it might seem blunt to say “brush your teeth dude” but some people need to hear that

So……If none of the above applies to you. You can’t possibly improve you looks, your social skills are stellar and your hygiene is impeccable then……..What do YOU perceive to be the problems with your inability to get a date?

Catherine772023 · 2022-06-18T11:32:14+00:00

The thing is that not all this advice is just for basement neckbeards.

Some guys are fat and have sedentary jobs but they still have a job and maybe their own place.

Grooming, having a shower, washing face, brushing hair, exercise and brushing teeth etc is part of taking care of yourself and sometimes sedentary job guys let themselves go a bit (especially about weight).

I think maybe some ppl got confused with Incels who think showering a few times a week is a self improvement I kid you not they post about it.

I think Incels infiltration of other forums is part of the problem.

Guys with jobs can still try to take better care of themselves, get more stylish and get hobbies because some workaholics don’t have hobbies. Unless you’re poor and you need overtime it’s best to have a work life balance.

More advice can apply to people who have jobs than you realise.

wtknight · 2022-06-18T13:12:01+00:00

There's usually a reason that a guy can't find a date, and many of those reasons intersect with the "basement dwelling neck beard" stereotype.

But I agree that they don't all do. I used to get out and go to parties and belong to social groups and all of the things that people say to do, but I still wasn't successful because I had no confidence and my social skills around women were terrible. So you're right. There are a lot of reasons why a man isn't successful with women with have nothing to do with him being antisocial. However, there usually is a reason that he is unsuccessful, and to become successful, a guy has to identify that reason and either work on it, or learn to avoid women who are going to reject him for that reason.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-06-18T13:15:12+00:00

Guess cause it's a side effect of men who go out of their way being complete idiots invading inboxes , giving unsolicited comments about some strangers life to manipulate people for possible attention when they are average at best looking . Keeping in mind I was unaware of how some men really acted online when disappointed in life. Internet has given women like me a glimpse of what younger women are going through. Which is gross. Subreddit Nice guys ,Neckbeards , and creepy pms has definitely opened my eyes. Take a look. It's really educational on why younger women feel the way they do.

AnnoKano · 2022-06-18T14:32:39+00:00

Because it's a common stereotype.

In order to correctly identify where someone is going wrong when trying to find a date, we would need more information about them than can be found through reddit. Even if we know how you look and what your interests are, this is insufficient. Maybe the thing you do that sabotages your efforts doesn't even come across until meeting you in person.

Maybe you make inappropriate jokes that make people around you uncomfortable. Maybe you tend to pick your nose. Maybe you can't read social cues. Maybe you are too arrogant for your own good. Maybe you seem intimidating or cold. Maybe you have an annoying voice. The list is endless.

Consequently everyone relies on giving out canned advice. You're focusing on supposedly "blue pill" advice here but TRP is just as one size fits all. It has to be. It's also mostly common sense. Telling people they need to wash themselves properly may be obvious, but so is telling them to go to the gym. That said, this stuff is pretty solid too so double check you are doing it right.

If you have already ticked the boxes of the obvious advice, maybe try asking a friend (a RL one) where you are going wrong. They are going to have a better idea about your character flaws than people on reddit etc.

If you don't have someone to ask, then that's indicative of the problem and you need to expand your social circle.

Super-Peoplez-S0Lt · 2022-06-18T21:18:28+00:00

People tend to needlessly generalize others to make their social lives easier. Recognizing people having complexity and unique challenges requires introspection and empathy which a lot of people in this subreddit do not have.

yikesalex · 2022-06-18T04:18:02+00:00

i disagree with what you said about this view not being common for women as well. i constantly hear people say stuff like “it’s so easy for women to get dates that if you’re a femcel you’re probably either obese or an autist” lmao

FoxCQC · 2022-06-18T05:55:18+00:00

They are scared of us. Anyone of them could have been us. You think they did anything through their own efforts? They just had the right looks, right interests, right circumstances to be successful at dating at that time. They have to demonize us because we are a truth they cannot face. That it was all circumstance.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2022-06-18T05:39:27+00:00

Okay OP from your post history…..

“I’m too much of a socially inept freak to talk to anyone and I’m too fucking ugly for any girls to come up to me.” You posted this while standing alone at a party where your friends were having fun.

You’re not locking yourself in your moms basement, but you were at a party posting this on Reddit instead of putting yourself out there and forcing yourself to work on your social skills. You want sympathy, not advice. Sympathy won’t change your fate. But “touch grass“ and “get a hobby” are proxy advice for work on your social skills. Go to therapy if you need to.

Or don’t. Don’t change a thing and post about being a 22 year old virgin next year

catniagara · 2022-06-18T11:05:11+00:00

It’s because that’s been our general experience with men who literally can’t get dates. In high school, college, and the workplace the men not getting noticed are inevitably as you’ve described. They often lack self awareness to an often comedic degree as well. One guy I met who is an insufferable troll said “people online keep calling me a fat neck beard living in his mom’s basement eating himself to death…haha jokes on them!!!” And I was like “Why? Because you’re a skinny toothless weak chinned no-beard living on his brother’s sofa and toking himself to death? It’s the SAME GUY!”

Basically all of those archetypal associations are meant to convey a guy with no social credit who still thinks he can get a girl who let’s face it, wouldn’t even talk to ME let alone this dude.

Take heart, regular humanity. Those are the only guys who actually CAN’T get anyone. The rest of you more likely have an issue with trying than with being undesirable. It’s hard to meet people if you’re painfully shy, self conscious or have no free time at all. But it’s only IMPOSSIBLE if you’re a basement dwelling incel neckbeard who doesn’t wash your ass.

And actually if you go to conventions you’ll see that even those guys can get a girlfriend.

thedarkseducer · 2022-06-18T11:58:55+00:00

Ngl the guys I’ve met that can’t get a girl had that basement dweller mentality. They either think they’re special and over do it OR they think they’re not worthy and don’t attempt. There’s variations between this but what I see is the type of guys are literally not confident and realistic cognitive bias leads them to stereotypical thinking about women . Phony confidence (arrogance) or not feeling good enough. If you don’t believe in yourself not matter how good of a person or choice you think you are, why would any woman trust you enough to feel the same?

Emotional intelligence is dead

daproest1 · 2022-06-18T17:47:40+00:00

Men evolved to use violence and logic to solve their problems.

Women evolved to use emotional manipulation and deception to solve theirs.

Men have an innate need to feel useful

Women have an innate need to feel like a good person.

Boys in middle school = punch each other

Girls in middle school = spread rumors about each other

Women’s go to response when something doesn’t make them fEeL gOoD is ALWAYS:

-shame -insults -guilt

That’s why. Men are held accountable for everything, women are allergic to accountability.

I’m speaking in generalities obviously

krischens · 2022-06-18T10:16:10+00:00

And it’s like, I have a job, and friends and I’m a college student, I spend 10 hours a week in the gym

So where/when do you meet women then?

Dropthebanhammer101 · 2022-06-18T11:40:21+00:00

This really IS unfair. A lot of men do t date because they can't talk to women and lack confidence. Same with women. They Re actually very high value humans- kind, friendly, generous spirit, productive in some way... and bonus: they look good too. I think they compare themselves to their best looking friend (s) or celebrity and then get into their own head. Looks are awesome and don't get me wrong, important to a degree but have you ever seen a really hot lady with a 3? I have all the time in real life. It isn't his bank account t or magical peen that's keeping her with him.

It's his HV traits like an actual personality, having things in common, treating her well (and I don't mean like a fairytale princess, I mean like a valued member of society and like they love ND care for her... not a bang maid they can yell at and drag).

Wanna meet someone that's good for you that will make a good partner? Go to places they can be found. You like hiking and biking? Join. Those kind of clubs and forums. Like athletic women? Join those places in real life. Sure women mY more difficult to find d in niche hobbies so you find people who accept those hobbies. If they loom awesome but trash everything you love to do, are they worth having Round anyway?

Stop placing emphasis on is she/he a 10 and that its a failure or settling if they Rent. Stop caring what anyone thinks if your mate isnt.

People assume you must be an intelligent or, "nice guy" here on Reddit because, sadly, there are a HUGE amount of those types sliding g into DMs and being open here in reddit. It's absolutely shocking the Hate they send to women as if women owe them something.

hodlbtcxrp · 2022-06-18T13:16:37+00:00

You see this sort of argument a lot with people who don't have jobs or people who are poor i.e. they are assumed to be lazy. I think this is due to the idea of meritocracy. It applies not just to the pursuit of economic capital but also erotic capital.

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-06-18T14:09:15+00:00

Those are very dismissive comments that indeed some women might post but I would never do.

My advice is very different: assuming the basics are covered (hygiene, grooming, job or study, etc), go out and socialize in places where women are, like classes, activities etc. Be friendly and not eager to turn every encounter you make into a date. If you do get a date, listen to what the woman has to say, be kind and polite, don't overwhelm her with things that are only interesting to you. And if you do manage to have sex, be attentive to her needs, find out how to give her pleasure.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-06-18T15:25:45+00:00

Because its an easy way to silence and not talk about the issues.

ChancyChancery · 2022-06-18T18:50:58+00:00

Also...you're only 21. You have plenty of time for dating. Going on groups like this and those like it are corrupting you. Reddit and anonymous strangers online isn't really life, but it can cause a corrupt view of the world if you participate in an echo chamber. Get out there and enjoy things.

ObviouslyAnAltAct · 2022-06-18T20:10:20+00:00

Because when it comes to dating in modern day America it is fundamentally unfair and heavily stacked against men. It is what it is and that's life. The pendulum swings back and forth throughout human history. Don't worry man. Just wait 200 years and you'll be good.

Lotus_82 · 2022-06-18T04:22:58+00:00

I think that the overweight, anime-watching, video game-playing, basement-dwelling virgin image comes to mind because they’re usually the type of dudes who have the worst social skills.

Social / communication skills are pretty much the most important thing to be successful at seduction, so when I read posts from guys complaining about not being able to get laid because of “hypergamy” and because women only want “bad boys“, my mind goes to the angry neckbeard pretty fast.

teproxy · 2022-06-18T08:15:32+00:00

Because doing otherwise requires acknowledging large scale social issues - things like racism and ableism, as we know that race and mental disabilities are the biggest predictors of dating success.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-06-18T12:07:57+00:00

Its not my immediate assumption.

Its some loud minority.

And going to a party sitting there posting on Reddit instead of actually parting is not going to help you. Put your phone away and talk to people.

edgyny · 2022-06-18T12:53:44+00:00

It's because the basement-dwelling neckbeard possesses almost every unattractive male trait.

Unathletic/overweight/fat
Dresses poorly
Extremely poor hygiene/smelly/greasy
Mamma's boy/dominated by parents
Failure to launch/no goals
Entitled
Un/underemployed/can't afford to live alone
Poor socialization/loser friends
Porn/objectifying attitude/masturbates incessantly
etc, etc

Guys who are unsuccessful with women intersect with the basement-dwelling neckbeard in multiple aspects.

Hard_Corsair · 2022-06-18T03:49:20+00:00

I have a job, and friends and I’m a college student, I spend 10 hours a week in the gym. I’m not locking myself in my room waiting for mommy to bring me my dinosaur chickie buggies with hunny mussy on the side.

Either you have some sort of malignant personality trait that drives people away, or you’re absolutely terrible at marketing yourself.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-06-18T05:13:43+00:00

Could be that they come off (through their manerisms, usage of words, way of speaking, vocabluary) like they don't have irl experience about the world and got all their info from internet where extremes are running rampart.

Also do you know that those who spend much time in the digital world (especially video games) are generally seen as basement dwelling neckbeards?

It also doen't help that in the videos a guy who rants about being virgin, not getting dates, throw temper tantrums about women tend to look like basement dwelling neckbeards. So we attatch an image to the words/rhetoric and wen we read the same words/rhetoric the image of the guy ib the video is summoned.

Patrickstarho · 2022-06-18T06:57:52+00:00

Read TRP.

AnonPinkLady · 2022-06-18T08:12:46+00:00

It's a stereotype

DreamsOfWishes · 2022-06-18T11:42:16+00:00

YOU ARE FUCKING 21, chill out, it's gonna happen. Don't ruin yourself before you get a chance.

AelfredRex · 2022-06-18T12:09:16+00:00

I picture the average college-aged young man behind all these "struggling" posts. He's so bog average it hurts. He watches the popular movies, watches the popular shows, listens to the popular music, takes the popular advice. Every interest he has that might make him interesting he hides away in fear that he might not be accepted into the herd. He's terrified of standing out, of being an individual. This is why he "struggles". He's so bland no kitty wants to eat him.

As Jim Morrison once said, "Where's your will to be weird?"

fiwaeawi · 2022-06-18T10:38:03+00:00

Fuck this ... Bring me my dinosaur chickie buggies with honey mussy on the side....

Ohmaygahh · 2022-06-18T14:42:14+00:00

because what they're really trying to tell you is to sub communicate that you would be a good lay. Emphasis on sub, you can't say it directly.

The concern for most men isn't if a woman is a good lay, it's if she's even down to even try.

Naebany · 2022-06-18T09:33:51+00:00

Because people suck.

kayakr1194 · 2022-06-18T16:44:14+00:00

I feel like it's an easy shot. There are many people who don't date or don't have success in many aspects of life and yet are not basement dwelling beards of the necktable.

I spend a lot of time in my basement, because it's where my computer is in the house that I own... Strange coincidence. But I have education, a career, hobbies, friends etc. Ultimately, this is reddit and if someone wants to call someone else a basement dweller, do you really want to that person in your life?

AtomicMGTOW · 2022-06-18T17:23:35+00:00

Narcissism.

Narcissists base everything on appearances/perceptions. If they can't see a woman literally hanging from your penis by her mouth she doesn't exist. If they don't know if/where you work, you're jobless. Narcs require proof of everything but it requires constant proof and the second they can't see it, it doesn't exist. If they've never seen you with a friend, you don't have any. They want to force people to 'prove' themselves to them. Makes them feel powerful when in reality they have nothing. They don't have real friends or relationships or even children. They may have a person they fuck/live with, they may have a person they interact with (usually to exploit them) and they may have a child, but all these things are for appearance. None are actually deep connections. Just props in their drama where they are always the main character.

There are two ways to have the tallest building in town. You can invest a significant amount of your time, money and resources trying to build the biggest building in town OR you can spend your time, money and resources destroying all the buildings taller than yours. The weak, lazy and incompetent invariably choose the latter.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-06-18T04:44:20+00:00

I have yet to meet a guy who could absolutely not land any woman who DIDN'T look like one. All the ones who complain and look good are picky, but they don't take ownership of their standards. Instead, they blame others for not meeting them.

WaffleConeDX · 2022-06-18T08:41:55+00:00

Because they bitch about it constantly.

beleidigtewurst · 2022-06-18T09:48:51+00:00

FOR F*CKS SAKE just quit the bang bang business, JEASUS FREAKING CHRIST or quit whining!!!

How many times should it be stated: THERE IS A FUCKING MONUMENTAL LIBIDO GAP, AN AVERAGE YOUNG WOMAN HAS SEX INTEREST OF A 50 YEARS OLD MAN. AN AVERAGE 50 YEARS OLD WOMAN, HAS LIBIDO OF A DEAD MAN.

Not freaking hard, is it?

And if you do "LTR" dates, maybe you should use some other way, not "swipe left or right to get snusnu" you know.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-06-18T07:06:14+00:00

if you're 21 and haven't even been on a date, I'd assume there's something wrong with the way you're presenting yourself. I could be wrong but without knowing you personally that would be the safest guess.

the hygiene stuff gets assumed because, even if it doesn't apply to you, it's common enough to be the first guess.

arinamarcella · 2022-06-18T07:30:27+00:00

Take a shower because anyone over the age of ten smells when they don't. Shave so you look like you care about yourself or trim your beard for the same reason. Brush your teeth on the off chance that anyone will be within a meter of you when you're talking.

Go outside, because that's where people are. Get a hobby, be ause doing something you enjoy is a good place to find other people (which includes women) who also like doing that thing and that's a great common ground to start from because it's something you can do together or at least be passionate about together.

These are above advice because usually someone is failing some aspect of this. If you aren't, great! All of the above advice assumes that your real problem isn't the fact that you're an insecure asshole who treats other people (which still includes women) without dignity, respect, and honesty.

If that's not your problem and you do treat other people with dignity, respect, and honesty, then maybe you're just young and need to cut yourself some slack in the "I haven't lost my virginity" department. If that's what you care about, then any woman you're with is just going to feel like they are there to fulfill your goal of no longer being a virgin. What a prize to be that woman.

Say you're 21 and just voicing an insecurity to the fine people on the internet (because that never bit anyone in the butt but your anonymity is assumed in some small part, right?) and in your actual interactions with other people, in this case women, the insecurity around your virginity is buried so we'll under a decent ability to flirt and communicate, but you still, despite all of these things you do, you still can't get laid.

Well, you're 21 and you've got roughly 4 years before that neuroplasticity barrier sets in and your stuck with whatever personality you've got more or less for life with room for improvements and you're better off working on that and the ability to otherwise take care of yourself regardless of whether that means a career or whatever else passes for the ability to provide for yourself in your society. If you're doing that and you're doing all the other things indicated as positive advice, chances are you'll find someone to sleep with you along the way. Do you have to be looking? Sure. Do you have to be obsessing? No.

You'll lose your virginity eventually and if you don't in the next ten years, you can come back to this post and we can talk about how badly you must have lost the genetic and geographical lottery. It's not usually enough to have lost one by itself with extreme outliers, but both might sink your probabilities.

BoogersAndSugar · 2022-06-18T16:05:19+00:00

The thought of this situation becoming more common raises too many uncomfortable questions, so they react with covert hostility.

OvalTownship · 2022-06-18T18:30:12+00:00

It's easier to blame the guy using a strawman then it is to admit it's hypergamy because of the simp culture and MUH QUEENS are amazing etc etc

BatemaninAccounting · 2022-06-18T22:27:19+00:00

I’m a 21 year old virgin... and it’s like, I have a job, and friends and I’m a college student, I spend 10 hours a week in the gym.

Um, bullshit. Unless you have the worst attitude of all the guys in your peer groups, or some horrible disfigurement, you should have even accidentally ended up with at least one sexually active girlfriend by now.

LillthOfBabylon · 2022-06-18T10:44:50+00:00

To me it seems like everyone assumes that guys who aren’t having a great time with dating are just neckbeards who don’t try.

Because that’s the majority of them. Even when it’s not a hygiene problem, it’s a social skill problem, where the guys are creepy and misogynistic.

And it’s like, I have a job, and friends and I’m a college student, I spend 10 hours a week in the gym.

Looking at your Reddit history and the post talking about hating your friends because they get pussy........

Good hygiene is the first step. good social skills and not obsessing over sex is the next one.

So why is this the immediate assumption of struggling guys?

It goes hand in hand with mental illness, but not always.

And why isn’t it that of struggling women?

Struggling women are usually bitchy radical feministls.

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Drew1312 · 2022-06-18T12:18:28+00:00

both genders are biological beings, hard for a boy/man/girl/woman to like you if you they aren't attracted to you this is mostly bs.Some people are able to be in relationships with people the don't find attractive but most people can't it's just how humans work

TodTheRod01 · 2022-06-18T18:56:42+00:00

More often then not because women only deal with X type of men, they don't see below that...so anyone below that to them is just a loser...and when many think loser nowadays the caricature you bring up is what most think

hd222 · 2022-06-19T00:01:24+00:00

It's a valid question. The only reason I downvoted is because of the rampant misogyny breeding in the comments. Wow.

y2kjanelle · 2022-06-19T00:40:50+00:00

Because I've come into contact with them, lmao. As someone who actually dates men, yeah, those types of men exist and fully expect results from women.

And also, those are low effort, helpful pieces of advice.

I could tell a man a bunch of ways to get more attractive. And don't get me started on dating apps, I mean you guys have to know those pictures are that bad.

I could tell you what ways to put your hair, that you need braces, how to groom your beard and flatter your face shape. I could tell you what products to use based on your skin type and what order to use those products in, I could tell you what to buy to delay balding, I could go on for hours about committing to a style, about charisma/auras, eye contact, and avoiding seeming creepy, I could talk about conversational skills, educating yourself on feminine interests, expanding your social circle, etc. But men don't want to listen to that.

I made a more in-depth comment about all this a while ago and you know what men said to me? To be quiet because it was too much work and they didn't want to "change" themselves.

So since men don't want to do that or even listen, I suggest you just quietly observe other men then and stop asking women. At this point, all men are going to get is "I don't care" or "That's just too bad, sorry dude" or generic "shower and smell good" advice.

Women put more effort into their appearance and men care most about appearance. It shouldn't shock anyone that things that emphasize appearance (first impressions, attraction, dating apps) would be the things that women are more successful in.

nemma88 · 2022-06-19T01:33:58+00:00

Because a lot of them are.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-06-19T02:24:11+00:00

People tend to not like to degrade their own character, this becomes especially true when it comes to womens choices in dates.

Moreover I also feel like it's the fact that women don't understand where the starting line is. Most women when asked for actually advice, they give advice that would work on a girl that is already interested in a guy, not how to get a girl interested into a guy (which is most men's actually problem)...

Thus women see 3 types of guys.

First, the creepers that are necklace beards.
Second, the guys that are friends that don't have a chance with her to save their life (they can't give advice and might expect guys to understand the friend zone and not a wretched hell whole)
Third, the guys that they actually notice and develop an interest in (their advice for this is generally how not to fuck up the interest, and it the most common serious advice given)
Forth, the guys that she didn't even notice and thus she has never considered them as males...

Most men end up in the 2nd or 4th categories, thus women don't have advice and don't want to admit that they don't see the vast majority of men as males.

Illuminaughtyy · 2022-06-19T05:00:28+00:00

I'm a basement dwelling neckbeard and I do way better than I should.

2022-06-19T07:30:29+00:00

Lol, I know basement-dwelling neckbeards who lost their virginity younger than you.

Social skills are a big factor.

Environmental_Ear106 · 2022-06-20T13:19:23+00:00

Women don’t care about mens problems in general, you should learn it now before it hurts you in the future. I have had numerous women call me gay mainly because they don’t really understand that being in Engineering as a junior is horrible for mental health, and they don’t have to approach or make things happen so they can’t relate. This is the exact reason women’s dating advice is terrible cause they don’t know that when you put on a set to attract women it has to be care free and flirtatious. All of those things are hard when your super stressed out, and not good at forgetting.

daisydaisydaisy12 · 2022-06-20T21:20:15+00:00

How many women have you asked on dates?

Title	Why do people assume that men that don’t get dates are basement dwelling neck beards?
Author	fideliuscastro
Upvotes	219
Comments	355
Date	June 18, 2022 3:45 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vexlec/why_do_people_assume_that_men_that_dont_get_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-people-assume-that-men-that-dont-get-dates.1121035 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121035

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