Consider the mixed messages straight men receive. Our sexuality is labeled "problematic", our interest is default assumed to be unwanted, badly timed or otherwise inappropriate, yet we still have to initiate. Moral panics have made the process difficult for decent men, since, excepting obvious forms of harassment, there's very little consensus.
Create a post on whether it's okay to ask a coworker out, or message a recent acquaintance at a hobby group, or a woman in our social circle, and they'll be a thousand different responses, a thousand different standards/opinions. And the cost of screwing up can be legitimately concerning. Being mislabeled a creep and/or creepy can destroy someone's social life.
Men who aren't bothered by this are usually the types who ignore boundaries anyway. Continuing the expectation for men to approach therefore selects for them.
On the other hand, women are rarely judged as a threat. Unreciprocated interest from women is considered benign. Sl*t shaming generally only applies to sexually aggressive approaches. The social cost they face amounts to not much more than embarrassment, which would change once this becomes normal.
Women approaching makes a lot more sense now. Outside of situations like bars/clubs, it's safer overall. They can get to know men first without being labelled devious Nice Girls.
They still get to select men who measure up in other areas of masculinity, just not this. This one thing - a man's courage in approaching - is no longer a factor in their dating choices. Seems like a minor loss.
If this is indeed just a social norm then changing it would benefit everyone.
[–]Mrs_DrgreeWomen Are Right About Islam[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Notanothrshitthrow1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
Yea the onus being on men to make every first move just doesn't make sense in today's society. It does frustrate me when women say "I don't approach because I fear rejection, I did it once and got rejected and it was humiliating!!"
Welcome to the male experience. Yes it sucks, but you get used to it upon repetition. Besides, it will help women in the long term. Almost every girl I've spoken to has had a moment where they've spotted a cute guy, wanted something to happen but were ultimately disappointed that the guy didn't strike up a conversation. Well guess what? By approaching him you would have quadrupled your chances of something happening.
[–]The_Meep_Lord1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
The issue is women want the benefit of being coveted trophies still. They do not want equality, they want to keep there privileges.
But just like feminists argue patriarchy hurts men, this selfishness hurts women.
Men cannot give women what they want for they have lost the privileges that let them be what women want.
Men are going to make less and less, they are going to be less and less masculine, they are going to be more and more emotional, they are going to be less sacrificial and put themselves first, they are going to commit less and do less for kids.
In order for equality to work, women have to stop believing that they are prizes to be earned. Because they are not prizes anymore.
Sex is no longer sacred and rare, with men only ever seeing there wives naked. It is now impossible for men to not see women sexually exposing themselves unless they completely shut themselves out of society.
Yet they keep acting like it is some prize that they give men. That men have to improve themselves for years to be worthy of something they see random nobodies get everyday for free.
[–]Mrs_DrgreeWomen Are Right About Islam[M] -2 points-1 points0 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]NotanothrshitthrowNo Pill 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]shadowofdoubt131 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Women make the first move when they think you’re attractive... women DM and women approach men. You’ve outed yourselves lol
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[–]MrMushySauceNo pill on PPD, RP in the sheets 28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
She’s right. Men who are personable, fun, relaxed, attractive, and who actually like women and have female friends are approached by women.
Uptight, watchful, loners with no social circle are far less likely to be approached. Not sure why anyone has to explain this.
[–]bokan 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Quite a bit more to being personable and appealing.
[–]bokan 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
I didn't see you admit you've never been approached, and I have no idea what the purpose your strike-throughs serve.
Of course women prefer men they already know something about and trust; women prefer men they share common interests and common goals with, whereas men care about boobs or butts or whatever.
[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I hope you realize I'm not writing the words you claim.
Since you are so deadset on talking to yourself, I'll step out now.
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (20 children) | Copy Link
Are they afraid of rejection or do they have so many options they never get a chance to ask men out because men beat them to it?
[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 5 points6 points7 points (7 children) | Copy Link
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link
Oh good god, gross comments from creeps in r/gonewild aren't positive reinforcement; there is zero chance those women are going to date those slobbering old men who comment there. Those comments are garbage and worth exactly as much.
Because that's women's culture. Women try to uplift their friends.
Because when women give men compliments, those men assume women want to marry or fuck them. Women can't even tell a man on the street: nice shirt or he will follow her home.
[–]nothatyoucare 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
What are you talking about here? Women who post photos aren't paying people for compliments; they give them freely.
Fuck, no. Men can give compliments to one another.
Oh. So which is it? Women constantly bask in a shower of glowing praise, or they fear rejection? Because you sure make it sound as though women have a constantly renewing stream of options to choose from.
[–]nothatyoucare -2 points-1 points0 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
Women post in NSFW subs because it’s sexually arousing for exhibitionists to do so. Men freely visit and post compliments and comments in order to encourage more photos or increasingly provocative photos or video. Good luck with your quest to stop men from creeping on nudes.
The demand for compliments from women is in bad faith. Men want positive affirmations from sexually attractive women; else compliments from other men would work just fine. Tell the truth.
Tell. The. Truth. If compliments are all men want; compliments from men will fill the slot.
[–]nothatyoucare 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
I doubt many women are asking out utter strangers. Most prefer friends or acquaintances they already trust, someone they’ve already established a rapport with. Someone they already have mutual interest with.
If they’ve both been flirting rejection is a slim possibility.
[–]Gravel_RoadsJust a Pill 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Outside of a social venue, where do women cold approach?
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (22 children) | Copy Link
SAGE is a predatory publisher with a history of lying about peer reviews.
Do you have any science? Or just propaganda?
[–]nothatyoucare 0 points1 point2 points (21 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (20 children) | Copy Link
What even is this word salad? Did you even read the “citations” which have fuck all to do with a disparity in sex drives?
“Meta analysis”??
[–]nothatyoucare 0 points1 point2 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (18 children) | Copy Link
Ha ha I’m not the one making a claim. Find a reliable peer reviewed source, shouldn’t be that hard, right?
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
You may never know.
[–]nothatyoucare 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah? Any other hormones involved? Heard of ovulation?
This is the only sub on Reddit in which women are prudes who don’t like sex at the exact same ratio as women who are sluts because they love sex.
Science is such a mystery
[–]nothatyoucare 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]bossman1461 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Even though it might take a few years of social conditioning, I agree. Approaches don’t have to be aggressive. Just having more women reaching out to men could help equalize things a bit.
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
What??? Are you serious after writing a book about how women don’t possess a sex drive and attempting to back that claim up with a paid blog?
Stahp
[–]nothatyoucare 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Whatever, Homeskool
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah this isn’t a real problem. The purpose of a date is to learn about the other person’s intentions and attitudes towards sex and relationships. If she’s unsure, she can just decline sex.
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Slut, tramp, high n count woman, whore, ho, she’s for the streets, ONS not a wife…
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
She’s a sexual predator. Someone should have confronted her.
[–]Mondholm -1 points0 points1 point (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh, you were bragging. I misunderstood. I thought this was classic whataboutism.
I’d have stopped it.
[–]Mondholm 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Consent is for everyone.
It's cool if you're fine with it, but the next man, or kid, may not be. Normalizing sexual assault isn't cool.
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[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Your “social circle” apparently permits women to grab ass without consent. At least be transparent about the incongruence and explain why it’s fine for women to sexually assault men but the men keep their hands to themselves.
It would sure clear a lot of things up if you were open and honest about the double standard.
[–]Mondholm 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Defend it to your fellow men; I’m certainly not on your team.
I’m on team Keep Your Fucking Hands to Yourself
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[–]captaindestucto[S] 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]januaryphilosopherBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]januaryphilosopherBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bokan 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
I wanted to ask you to spell it out, literally script a casual conversation, then I erased it because I realized that PPD men aren’t talking to women unless they want something from then.
In any other realm, explaining social skills and learning casual chitchat would be welcome. But all these men want to know is how to get women to do what they want. Utterly disinterested in female friends, friendly discourse, or expanding a social circle.
Press X for blow job
[–]bokan 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]42lines 1 point2 points3 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]januaryphilosopherBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]42lines 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]januaryphilosopherBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]42lines 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]januaryphilosopherBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]42lines 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]januaryphilosopherBlue Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]42lines 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]BlKaiserXanax Pill 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]januaryphilosopherBlue Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MisterDudeBroGuy 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jamesbwbevis 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HazyMemory7 -1 points0 points1 point (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kahing 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]HazyMemory7 -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]HazyMemory7 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Sad-Pen-3193 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]HazyMemory7 -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sad-Pen-3193 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HazyMemory7 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Potential_Respond224Amy Elliot Dunne Stan 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]HazyMemory7 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Potential_Respond224Amy Elliot Dunne Stan 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]HazyMemory7 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Potential_Respond224Amy Elliot Dunne Stan 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FimTown 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Potential_Respond224Amy Elliot Dunne Stan 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 1 point2 points3 points (38 children) | Copy Link
[–]AloneOnTheStrange 7 points8 points9 points (37 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 6 points7 points8 points (35 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wrasserman 6 points7 points8 points (24 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 0 points1 point2 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wrasserman 5 points6 points7 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wrasserman 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wrasserman 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 1 point2 points3 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wrasserman 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wrasserman 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]nothatyoucare 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Tell us you have no sisters and female friends without admitting you have no platonic women in your life to care about.
[–]Wrasserman 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Buddy, you attacked the poster you were responding to. The least I could do was respond in kind.
[–]Wrasserman 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AloneOnTheStrange -2 points-1 points0 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 4 points5 points6 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]AloneOnTheStrange 2 points3 points4 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]AloneOnTheStrange 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]desifemmefatale_94 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]AloneOnTheStrange 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]nothatyoucare 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BittererWegwerfNo Pill 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]youdontevengoh3r3 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NateHate1402[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]purplish_possum 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Substantial_Video560 -1 points0 points1 point (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mondholm 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Substantial_Video560 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MisterDudeBroGuy 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Substantial_Video560 -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MisterDudeBroGuy 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Substantial_Video560 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sad-Pen-3193 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kentucky_Supreme 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OscarSmiledBlue Pill Man 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude. Sociopaths and psychopaths exist, as do substance abusers and narcissists. Don't blame the victims when there are so many broken, twisted people out there masquerading as charismatic winners.
[–]OscarSmiledBlue Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AloneOnTheStrange 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sad-Pen-3193 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AloneOnTheStrange 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]odd_cloud1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I absolutely agree. If women are selectors, would be natural for them to… select.
[–]Mrs_DrgreeWomen Are Right About Islam[M] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]That__ESTPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]That__ESTPurple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yummylicky23 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gofigure62No Pill 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RealNiceLady 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kentucky_Supreme 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hemaristhysbe1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh. Are you interested? Don’t your interests and desires count for anything? Or are you just waiting to get picked by a man you may not get along with, may not have anything in common with, may not share any chemistry with?
[–]RealNiceLady 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]basedconfidentsbroBased 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Smitten_Squire 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ExtraGreenBox 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HumanSockPuppetEqual-Opportunity Oppressor 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaydrunkmonkey 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aimeereddit123[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ruboyuri 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LarryLooxmax 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vtribal 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]no_usernameeeeeee 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]melody_of_ 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]melody_of_ 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SabrineYasmine 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mandoa_sky 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]mandoa_sky 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mandoa_sky 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrystalExarch1979 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Guitar-Master9891 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]itm4l2000 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cholmanattom 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Catherine772023 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lowlifedougal 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lowlifedougal 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HahGoodAtBusiness -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]whyamiherewhatawaste -1 points0 points1 point (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sad-Pen-3193 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]captaindestucto1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
So how is FDS these days?
[–]whyamiherewhatawaste1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
? Do you want people to give their opinions or insult them if they don't agree with you? Grow up.
[–]captaindestucto1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
you're making generalizations about men that could be considered quite insulting (we're essentially just interested in sex)
I don't think my suggestion requires women throw themselves at men. They can ask men out, then assess the situation normally from there on. Asking men out doesn't require becoming sexually available to those men.
[–]whyamiherewhatawaste1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Sex is riskier for us. We don't want to risk being with a man who's not fully sold on us. Most men would be very happy with zero commitment. Women aren't.
[–]Mrs_DrgreeWomen Are Right About Islam[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link