Men are entitled to paternity tests but not relationships.

Miserablemermaid · 2025-04-03T21:38:53+00:00

Every time I see posts about this topic I’m baffled that no one has commented the most obvious and respectful way to handle the situation.

If you are a man and it’s important to you to have a paternity test with any woman who has your baby, just say that shit upfront. BEFORE she gets pregnant. If you’re having unprotected sex, you should be talking about how you’d handle a pregnancy. If you’re talking about how you’d handle a pregnancy, you should talk about what you’d do if you choose to have the kid. THATS when you say:

“Just so you know, I’ve always planned to test all my children’s paternity status. I’ve heard of some men (maybe even a man close to you) getting their lives flipped upside down by paternity fraud and it’s a reassurance thing”

OF COURSE it’s a dumb request to give your wife, who’s been committed to you for years and just gone through pregnancy and birth. Especially if you’ve never brought it up before. In that situation it would absolutely feel like a betrayal lol.

TLDR; if it’s THAT important to you, talk about it before she gets pregnant.

Classic-Economy2273 · 2025-04-04T12:21:29+00:00

My thing is that I absolutely believe men should get paternity tests if they have doubts about their child and the mothers fidelity.

They don't have doubts and paternity fraud isn't suspected in a significant number of cases, often discovered accidentally, through medical diagnosis;

"Mr Mason never doubted he was the boys' biological dad until two years ago when he was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis – an inherited disease which prevents male sufferers from fathering children naturally."

BUT the mother also has a right to be offended

Then there's the child's right, biological father's right along with paternal family members rights to familial relationships. The child's right to know any potentially harmful genetic health issues, or the impact/trauma of discovering the fraud.

"Teenager discovers her dad is NOT her father after testing her own blood during science lesson"

"With genetic testing, I gave my parents the gift of divorce"

There's the rights of taxpayer to not compensate and refund the maintenance wrongly named men have paid, along with the child's future maintenance costs, "The estimated proportion of separated families without any child maintenance arrangement increased from 25% in 2011-12 to 44% in 2019-20"

Mandatory paternity testing safeguards the rights of all involved.

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-04-04T04:09:04+00:00

Women don't take paternity fraud all that seriously because they'll never be the victim of intentional and malicious paternity fraud

BrightAutumn12 · 2025-04-04T08:05:12+00:00

You're literally using strawman argument

SquirmingAddict · 2025-04-03T21:26:34+00:00

I've said it a million times.

Just get the test done and have the results sent to your parents' or siblings' house.

Easy as that.

No one needs to know, no drama unless you aren't the father and no big blow up.

Don't worry about what you are and aren't entitled to.

Just get it done and stop whining about it all the time, men.

You can sure as shit bet if there was a magic button that would tell me whether my partner had been unfaithful or not, I'd be pressing that shit in secret.

Furthermore, any woman or man that says they wouldn't press thar button is lying to you. Do not trust people saying they wouldn't.

If it were possible for my partner to have gotten me pregnant by cheating on me, you better know damn well, no matter how much I loved that man, I'm getting the test done in secret.

Anyone who's been betrayed knows that it can only come from someone you love and/or trust.

So I'm not going to hold it over your head for doing the same shit I would do in their position.

Would I be hurt? I mean, yeah. But not because it makes logical sense. I would rather my partner be 100% sure of our relationship than sit with some potential seed of worry in his mind, poisoning things.

Everyone wants a beautiful garden, and not everyone can handle dealing with the weeds.

If you are the father, buy her favourite takeout and a gift on the way home. Tell her you love her and treat her like a princess for the night.

She asks why, just let her know how much you approach her.

Issue over, pain avoided, drama avoided, gratitude insured.

Just to be clear. Acting as though merely trusting someone makes it certain that they can not stab you in the back is ridiculous.

No one can stab you in the back unless you trust them.

Everyone who has ever felt destroyed as a result of being betrayed has trusted the person who betrayed them.

Trust is no assurance of correctness.

You either understand that or are inexperienced in life.

Girls, this is awful close to blaming women who've been cheated on by pieces of shit men.

Guilty-Marzipan1058 · 2025-04-04T00:18:10+00:00

If it’s socially acceptable for women to store money on their own away in case of divorce, a man getting a paternity test (even secretly) seems pretty reasonable. Just because pregnancy is painful doesn’t make the kid magically his?

cate4d · 2025-04-04T08:00:17+00:00

I'd be totally fine with paternity tests if I got nothing to hide.

These are just tactics to make men not exercise their rights. These tactics are mostly done by women who can't stay loyal or aren't sure they will be loyal.

Men use similar tactics and have side chicks.

Ask me my phone? Take my password. That is how trust is built and nurtured.

Kreeps_United · 2025-04-04T00:42:02+00:00

I'm pretty sure a lot of this comes up when two people aren't in exclusive relationships anyway.

jay303x · 2025-04-03T23:40:32+00:00

You’re basically saying “ i know you went through double digit hours of pain and eventually ripped your vagina/stomach open completely altering your body to start this family with me but i just want to make sure you didn’t let another man cum in you and now you’re trying to pass off that bastard to me 😊”

I mean, yeah? Cry about it dude, kids take an average of $350k to raise to 18 at this point. I'm not doing it on faith.

Furthermore, do you really even want a man that would make that investment blindly?

CatchPhraze · 2025-04-03T21:45:17+00:00

Before kids? Cool.i it's a boundary. It's not me it's him.

After? It's an accusation.

If you respect your wife at all, you talk about it before you have a baby. Hiding your insecurities to then weaponize them against the mother of your brand new child is evil.

mesalikeredditpost · 2025-04-04T05:32:22+00:00

So another person forgetting context.

It's supposed to be mandatory.

Gets rid of the excuses of trust.

Thanks for conceding

0x474f44 · 2025-04-04T11:50:02+00:00

Just make paternity tests mandatory at birth…

leosandlattes · 2025-04-03T21:50:10+00:00

If my husband wants a paternity test during or right after I've given birth to his child, he should swab that baby himself and carry that secret to his grave. I don't want to know about it. It will come off as some sort of fucked up accusation that I will never be able to forgive, even if I understand paternity insecurity.

Infamous_Anonyman · 2025-04-04T05:02:08+00:00

I read that less than 1% of men aren't the father.. it's just one percent, but still more than none.

It should be mandatory or standard procedure, because the only person that knows for sure is the mother.

gnomeweb · 2025-04-05T02:31:27+00:00

Why do you have relationships with someone you don't believe in the first place?

desiringyouall8 · 2025-04-05T16:37:35+00:00

I'd be more sympathetic to mothers being offended if the law didn't leave men on the hook for child support even if it is demonstrated that he isn't the father. This is an example of systemic injustice, and therefore it can be prudent for men to protect themselves from this injustice, and women should be sympathetic to the reasoning.

Nevertheless, it would be better to just change the law so that only the (biological) father or those who voluntarily adopt legally responsible for the child. Under those circumstances, I would agree that a man who has no real reason to suspect his wife's infidelity to be acting more irrationally.

Informal_Oil2279 · 2025-04-05T19:04:56+00:00

Yeah how ever how can we be sure that she isn't just looking for a safety net? For one reason or another? Why should a guy be forced to take care of another man's seed on the bases of trust?

Hungduck69 · 2025-04-03T23:34:44+00:00

It's a bit insensitive but it's such a major issue potentially that rationally some men just want to cross it off the list

TheNattyJew · 2025-04-03T21:47:34+00:00

easy for you to say. In one study, of the men that had paternity testing done, 30% found out they were not the father. Countless other fathers are paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for kids that were never theirs. As a woman, you never have to have that situation played out for you. You hopefully fully know who the father is.

Routine_Condition273 · 2025-04-03T23:15:55+00:00

Whenever a woman is upset about paternity tests I pose this question:

If your baby didn't look like you, and you're worried the hospital could have mixed up babies in the nursery, would you want to do an easy and painless test to make sure your baby is actually the one you made?

All women who get upset at the idea of paternity tests lack empathy. They literally can't imagine what it would be like to get tricked into raising a child that isn't theirs.

At this point I'm fairly certain I won't want children, but I'd still not want to date a woman who doesn't like paternity tests. It's basically a litmus test for empathy.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-04-04T01:22:47+00:00

Men: Did you even love me if I can’t accuse you of being a pathological lying whore that wants to defraud me for 18 years without you feeling some type of way? 🙄

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2025-04-03T22:46:09+00:00

So women are absolutely able to get an abortion but they shouldn't expect men to support them as well right?

throw-away-8040 · 2025-04-04T02:23:05+00:00

Ah yes, the bajillionth paternity test thread trying once again to shame men into dropping one of the few behaviors that might protect them from paternity fraud.

Classic.

It's also always interesting just how much adverse everyone is to simply making paternity tests mandatory (Even through it would literally drop the number one complaint about it being a infidelity accusation). Almost like y'all are just antagonistic towards the concept of a paternity test by itself

Despite the 1 in 10 of men that might be raising someone's else bastard. Society just keeps doing a huge disservice to men's right by not promoting them

Heck, even supposed First World Countries like France and Germany keep adding strict regulations, or in more radical cases, have straight up made them illegal without a judicial order

Paternity tests as a concept really should never have been as polarizing as the people in this sub make them out to be

Odd_Book_9024 · 2025-04-03T21:23:45+00:00

I would have 0 interest in being in a relationship with someone whose pride is so hurt by this request she’d want to divorce.

So the break up would be mutual.

That ain’t wife material.

Bassist57 · 2025-04-03T21:15:53+00:00

You do know paternity fraud happens though, right? There are women who knowingly cheat, have the baby of their sneakylink, and then emotionally manipulate their husband to not get a paternity test, and he has to take care of another man's child for life. It happens.

-Kalos · 2025-04-04T07:44:04+00:00

Wow a sane take on paternity testing. Fathers absolutely should take a paternity test if they have doubts, you can buy them at Walmart for pretty cheap. You can also request a court ordered paternity test if child support is requested from you. That’s all well and good but mandatory testing setup my the government at birth is such a needless waste. As for mothers, of course one would feel offended having your fidelity questioned if there’s no reason for it. Almost like black and white thinking shouldn’t dictate most things when a moderate take is best for everyone

SayuriKitsune · 2025-04-04T11:32:47+00:00

I have seen this situation 3 times, just one marriage survived it but to be honest.. they arent the same anymore.

In this situation the men accused the wives for whatever reason, one was because the girl was a bit blonder (the wife is blonde too, just darker)....

All of them took the tests, pass them but 2 divorce immediately.

I wouldn't have a problem doing a test but its the lack of trust. Wouldn't it be easier to do one of those heritage tests than also confirms family ties?

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-04-05T00:28:06+00:00

Yep. My issue is that men truly have so many options when it comes to paternity testing, yet still complain like it’s banned. You can a) talk to your future wife about it in advance to make sure you’re on the same page, b) buy and use a cheap and accessible paternity test without her ever knowing, or c) tell her last minute you want a paternity test and deal with the consequences. What you cannot do is take option C and then cry because she doesn’t just roll over and accept the slap in the face, and act like that is some sort of men’s rights issue. Or try to force all men to get paternity tests in order to avoid the stigma.

ExcitementLow4699 · 2025-04-03T22:28:24+00:00

One thing ive learned while being partnered with my husband for the last decade is that i gotta give him space to have his feelings, the way he gives me space for mine, and that theyrenot always about me or a result of my actions.

*I* know for a fact that our daughter is his, and that i havent cheated, but if he was having anxiety about it, even if there's no legitimate cause for it, thats still the feeling he would be having. I would ask him where its coming from (if ive done anything to worry him or if its coming from outside the relationship) and gladly get our kiddo a paternity test if it would put a relatively immediate and definitive end to his anxiety.

BearSpray007 · 2025-04-04T00:28:28+00:00

Which is why the test should be mandatory at the hospital. No one has to ask, no one has to be offended…the end (leaves sub)

justdontsashay · 2025-04-03T21:31:07+00:00

I really don’t think it would have been a relationship-ending issue for me if my kids’ father had wanted a paternity test, I would have found it a bit ridiculous because I never cheated and the kids came out with his exact coloring lol.

But if they just looked nothing like him or there was any little thing that planted a doubt in his head, and a test would take away that doubt, then why not?

When the test came back showing he didn’t have any reason to worry, though, I would expect an apology and a nice gift or something though lol

reignoferror00 · 2025-04-03T22:36:20+00:00

Ideally, (and most certainly ideally covered by some form of universal healthcare) paternity tests would be a mandatory part of the whole birthing experience at a hospital. Lot less of legitimate offense if that was the norm.

In our current world, he is going to have to get it done sneakily, without her knowledge to avoid the real possibility of genuine offense.

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ACE_Overlord · 2025-04-04T11:28:26+00:00

I would just get it done in secret. No harm, no foul.

ronnyyaguns · 2025-04-05T00:58:01+00:00

How often do dudes actually ask for a paternity test and of those that do how often does it turn out they aren't the father?

If it's a situation where you're asking it seems doubtful you're in a relationship with the woman and also there might be good reason for you to suspect you aren't the dad

DGenerationMC · 2025-04-05T03:56:36+00:00

I think this is just yet another case of everybody looking out for their own interests, especially in the face of inconveniencing others, even those they (apparently) love and care about.

Very hard situation for everyone to "win" in without someone else "losing."

Nard_Bard · 2025-04-05T19:42:08+00:00

Test

Major_Staff_655 · 2025-04-09T13:34:40+00:00

All you have to do is quietly ask the doctor to do a paternity test and then if you aren't the father dip

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2025-04-04T01:43:41+00:00

It's not a tit for tat thing.

Paternity testing does not establish fidelity. It does suggest insecurity, unless it's openly clear that there are multiple possible fathers.

If he has decent reason to suspect infidelity, they have way bigger conversations to have regardless of the result. I mean, yes, do the test, but also sleep separately and put the relationship on pause until you've fully sorted out what was going on to raise the suspicions. If he is the father, that doesn't fix whatever made him suspicious.

If he has no reason to suspect infidelity, then he's paranoid and insecure, and shouldn't share the bed until he gets his mental health sorted out. By all means, take the test, but move to the guest room and call a therapist.

I realize that some guys think this all goes away if you ask for it during dating, before the pregnancy, but for me that would be a red flag just as big as wanting to control my finances or put limits on my browser. A man who proposed, let's get married and have babies and plan to paternity test all of them - I would politely decline.

I know that some couples are utterly blended that way, but I have never known my husband's phone password nor do I want to, because I trust him.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2025-04-04T00:45:57+00:00

Just have the convo before getting pregnant…

“Hey babe, this is no reflection on you, but if we ever have a child I am going to do a paternity test. It’s not that I don’t trust you, cuz I do. It’s more that there are irrational thoughts that take hold and can turn into cancer, and I’d rather not have that happen because of my own illogical fears. I’m telling you now cuz I don’t want it to be a surprise or cause you pain in the future.”

It’s not that hard

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-04-04T08:56:55+00:00

Men are already entitled to get a paternity test, why are we even debating this??

Big-Bodybuilder-5035 · 2025-04-03T22:23:40+00:00

Or we just bypass all this and leave insecure men to die alone

abnabatchan · 2025-04-03T22:10:59+00:00

If my future man ever dares to ask me for a paternity test, I’d literally implant a body cam in his shoulder, like, surgically, so it’s permanently there, and I can watch his every move 24/7.

SherbertDense1415 · 2025-04-04T06:09:42+00:00

This is the dumbest topic. Why the fk would I get a paternity test. I would know if the child looks like me. And if I had any doubts then I could get some the kids blood myself and do the test on the downlow

Title	Men are entitled to paternity tests but not relationships.
Author	Positive-Emu-1836
Upvotes	60
Comments	325
Date	April 3, 2025 9:10 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jqudpr/men_are_entitled_to_paternity_tests_but_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-are-entitled-to-paternity-tests-but-not.1548506 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548506

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