Do you offer to pay for your own food and drinks in the early stages of dating?

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-03-13T17:51:39+00:00

I prefer to pay for my own stuff in early stages, because then i won't feel like i owe them. Thus it will make it easier to not continue things if we don't "click".

If they insist on paying - i ask them what is my budget. As i don't want to accidentally go over their budget and cause them to eat potatoes till next paycheck.

I always go in with the thought of having to pay for myself.

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-03-13T17:04:30+00:00

Yes I always do and in close to 50 dates only one has ever taken me up on it. My offer is always genuine. I do not want to owe anyone anything and a lot of men feel like if they pay you owe them something. I had one guy text me after I declined a third date (because I found out that he had a baby on the way) ask me to venmo him for half of the meal shared. Also it's just the polite thing to do.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2026-03-13T18:29:00+00:00

Yes, I prefer to pay for myself. I don't like feeling like I owe people something. I don't like it if the guy insists on paying for me after I've made it clear I want to pay for myself. If he offers to pay for the date 4-5 dates down the line, sure. But the first few ones we're going Dutch.

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2026-03-13T16:51:20+00:00

I always offer to pay. And if he gets it, and there is another date, I will definitely pay that one. I think this whole paying thing has become absurdly complicated.

AngeAware · 2026-03-13T17:56:00+00:00

I've only gone on serious dates with three guys.

Never really cared for a sit-down dinner as a first date. I seldom drink alcohol and never would have done so on a date either. Coffee would be the next option but I tended to get pretty nervous on first dates and that's not exactly a great combination with caffeine. Dairy? Also a problem. So just a walk or something like that was a better first date to me. We could start doing food or ice cream or coffee or whatever once I was more comfortable with him.

All three insisted on paying on our follow-up dates. Growing up in the South I was always taught to let the man handle the tab if you seriously like him. If not, insist on paying for yourself to avoid leading him on.

I went away to a more liberal part of the country for college and returned to the South asking the waiter for separate checks on my first proper lunch date with my SO. Poor thing looked so crestfallen.

pie-mart · 2026-03-13T17:56:05+00:00

Yeah, I offer. To me it prefer a lack of issues. So, sometimes if he insists on paying all fhe time. Thats less drama. If its easier for us to pay separately. That's less drama. To me, its whatever is most cohesive and agreeable and easy for the both of us.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-03-13T17:31:03+00:00

I always suggest going dutch. I think it’s weird to ask what is basically a stranger (if you met through OLD) to pay for my food. But I also don’t really like it when friends pay for me either. If they say they want to pay. I suggest I’ll get it next time.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2026-03-13T18:49:31+00:00

Always split. I'm in western Europe though, this seems a US/maybe eastern European thing?

love_in_october · 2026-03-13T22:39:40+00:00

At the very least. I'd find it humiliating for someone else to pay for my food. And I at least offer to pay for everything and mean it.

This is normal in my culture. Although it's not normal to go for a meal in early dating, if there is anything consumed it's usually a coffee shop or pub.

NiaMiaBia · 2026-03-13T17:22:25+00:00

No. I would not (and don’t) offer to pay when I’m dating a man who most likely asked me out, several times.

With women (I’m bi) I’ll over to cover the tip or desert or something. I will also pay for women - which is totally fine by me, since I’m likely offering upfront.

Werevulvi · 2026-03-13T17:22:36+00:00

I do typically offer to pay for my own food and drinks, unless the guy insists on paying, like I don't wanna bicker about it and I can accept a gift. When offering to pay for my own food/drinks I've no issue with the guy agreeing to that. It doesn't change how I view him.

I may agree to pay for his food/drinks too, but honestly that depends a lot more on the circumstances. Like what his budget/financial situation is, what he ordered, and just overall why he'd want me to pay. Because yeah I'd have no issue with it if he's a bit short on money, has similarly low pay like me (yes I'm fine with dating within my own class), or some other legit reason. But I'm also careful about if he's an actual cheap skate, or just wants free food or whatever. I know that's a lot less common behaviour with men, but it does happen. And yeah I do condemn that behaviour in both sexes.

So all in all I'm totally fine with either splitting the bill (or we pay for our own stuff) or either one of us pays for both as long as there's no pressure on either one of us to pay for the other person. Because I just don't wanna start a relationship with an argumment about money, and people who dunno how to spend their money wisely are a red flag. So in that sense, yeah how the date is paid for matters, as it does show how we relate to money which is an important part of getting to know each other, but no I don't need for the guy to pay for everything or anything like that. I just need to know if he's a cheap skate, or trying to buy his way into my pants, and if he's none of that then we're cool.

cb8585b · 2026-03-13T17:35:43+00:00

Yeah especially so on a date I went on where I knew i wouldn’t even be replying to him again when I got home.

chalkandapples · 2026-03-13T21:32:48+00:00

I always offer and it's genuine. There's no good reason that the guy pays. If he insists I won't argue, I offer to pay my share because it's fair, but I don't love paying or anything so if he wants to pay then sure. I have also had guys take the wrong message when I insist I pay because they think I don't like him or something. My parents tend to fight to pay with my aunts and uncles and other parents when I was young, it's cultural but I always thought it was ridiculous.

I don't won't hold it against a guy if he splits the bill with me, I offered. But obviously if someone pays for your food that is a very nice thing to do, and all else being equal naturally I will have a better impression of him compared to others.

Novadina · 2026-03-13T23:33:06+00:00

Yes I always suggested going dutch. But men always declined and insisted on paying. Sometimes they allowed me to pay for a second part of the date, like we go for ice cream after. And then for a second date I usually offered to pay if they paid the previous time, and more often men did agree to that. Then we switched back and forth if we continued dating. When my husband and I were dating, we not only alternated paying, we alternated who drove to the other’s place, and alternated who cooked dinner when we stayed in.

badgersonice · 2026-03-14T08:46:12+00:00

I always did (and I meant it!). I paid for both of us on some cases (I invited the guy out, or it was my turn on date 2 or whatever).

Aside from just being fair and polite, it also has the side benefit of accurately communicating to the guy that I’m not interested in fulfilling trad roles and being a stay at home wife.

If the guy gets offended or is excessively pushy about him paying the bill, or if he never lets me pay, then he’s inflexible and not compatible with someone like me, who likes to be fair and doesn’t like being in debt.

We probably have fundamentally different values and it just won’t work out.

Sxnflower15 · 2026-03-14T13:39:19+00:00

No…why should I? If I wanted to pay for myself then I’d go out by myself. If I did, the guy would not be seeing or hearing from me again.

kmb218 · 2026-03-13T17:40:33+00:00

If you offer to pay for yourself, how genuine is the offer?

100% genuine.

Is he expected to refuse?

No.

Will accepting your offer make him less desirable in your eyes?

Not less desirable. But I might be questioning how interested he is or maybe if I misinterpreted it being a date and it was just friendly.

If you don't offer, then how do you deal with the bill?

The server comes and says how much to pay. I or the guy asks if its possible to pay separately which it normally is.

Do you just count on them offering to pay for you?

No.

If they offer to pay for you, will you accept immediately or would you insist on paying for yourself?

I would insist to pay for myself, but if he then still wants to pay I will let him.

Would you ever offer to pay for them?

On the first date, no. If he has payed for me, I would offer to pay at the next date.

Does your response depend on whether you'd like to see him again?

No.

CatallaxyRanch · 2026-03-13T18:59:16+00:00

I always offered or pulled out my wallet but I never had a guy accept my offer. They always insisted on paying, at least on the first date.

What I would usually do is let them pay for one part of the date and then I'd insist on the next part -- e.g. if he paid for dinner I'd pay for the movie, or if he paid the cover I'd pay for the first round of drinks. Or if he paid for a date, I'd invite him over the next night and cook for him. There are ways to make sure there's reciprocity without going through the unsexy ordeal of figuring out how to split the check.

ladybird_00 · 2026-03-13T16:44:02+00:00

No, I never offer to pay and I’ve never been asked to. I don’t do anything when the bill comes to the table.

If a man ever asked me how we should handle the bill, I’d pay for the whole thing and there wouldn’t be another date.

half_avocado33 · 2026-03-13T18:22:56+00:00

I always paid what i ordered. For ease of wording, we call this 50-50.

Brilliant-Block-8200 · 2026-03-13T18:30:41+00:00

I did when I was dating. And the offer has always been genuine. Most men I’ve dated have insisted tho, so I cover whatever our next activity is

I will say tho, that I’ve had several men get nasty or even threatening when I used to insist to pay. So it’s definitely something women need to consider. There are also a lot of men who take it as a sign of disinterest when it’s not

DMmeClownPics · 2026-03-13T19:02:50+00:00

Yes I will try to pay for my own. If I was the one to initiate asking them out then I typically insist on paying, though it’s rare for me to not be argued with about that.

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buckeyetree · 2026-03-13T16:50:45+00:00

Either treat them, split or offer to pay when they invite me.

Oli_love90 · 2026-03-13T17:18:39+00:00

I don’t explicitly say “I’m paying” but I do that move to pay thing. It would be nice to be paid for and I greatly appreciate it, but I get that’s not how every man dates. I will say that sometimes I think when guys pay they’re more interested but idk.

If they offer to pay, I thank them and accept.

I’ve never offered to pay for a first date but for 2nd/3rd I may cover them. If it’s a lowkey thing like coffee, I would absolutely cover it. And I like gifting so I’m okay paying for things for people anyway.

blebbyroo · 2026-03-13T20:07:27+00:00

Yes I offered to pay every time - if I was sure there would be no second date I would insist on it.

If I wanted a second date and he let me pay for myself I would be disappointed but depending on how well the date went might over look it - this honestly never happened though.

If the date went well and I offered and he denied and paid for me it helped spark the flames. My husband insisted for the first 3 dates to pay for the meal. I would take us for desert after though or get rounds of drinks depending on where we were. Also after the third date I put my foot down and made him let me pay for the meal.

UnstableHotspot · 2026-03-13T21:24:10+00:00

Yep, always offer. I have split the bill, been paid for and paid for my dates before.

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2026-03-13T17:22:29+00:00

No I don’t offer because there is no reason to. If he’s really into me, he would feel insulted by me offering. If he’s not, then he would ask me to pay. I let the man lead in that situation. In a hypothetical where I would offer, I would expect him to refuse and if he doesn’t, I would take it as a sign that he doesn’t actually want to see me again. So naturally he would be less desirable in my eyes.

I don’t do anything when the bill arrives on the first date.

If our relationship progressed, I would be happy to pay for some dates but would I ever treat a man on the first date? No.

JustGeminiThings · 2026-03-13T17:52:14+00:00

I'm always prepared to pay, and I will offer to split. I won't push for it though, unless I the date has gone some kinda way. It's not a deal breaker but it's something to note and observe. I also don't expect, or even desire, lavish first dates.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-03-13T17:16:11+00:00

That depends on where i am. If i'm in a society when it's a default - then yes, by default i expect to split the check, and i'm okay with that. If it's more traditional society then no, by default i expect him to pay, and if he doesn't i will pay my share no problem but it would be a turn off.

Then it also depends on a date. If it's coffee date i can pay, sure, but if they are that cheap i'm not sure i want to continue. If it's dinner - then it's another story.

If i offer to pay - it's always genuine. If i offered and he said yes - that's okay, i hate mind games, i wouldn't offer without meaning it.

If they offered and it's something that i consider okay - i wouldn't blink an eye that they pay. If it's something expensive - i wouldn't want, because it's usually manipulation.

I offered to pay few times. Mostly it was when i was on a date with students, and they deserved it because they behaved lol. That's a joke but basically i enjoyed their company and they had no money and i had no issues to pay for them. Most men are not that enjoyable for me to want to pay for them.

No, my response doesn't depend on this. It's a factor no matter what, and i see how they address this situation, how they convey their desire to pay or to split, and so on. It's all part of the vetting process.

DenverKim · 2026-03-13T18:37:03+00:00

I always offer to pay. If they suggest somewhere super expensive that I don’t want to pay for, then I will politely suggest a more casual option instead.

They rarely let me pay though. If they do, I honestly assume that it means they aren’t interested. And so far, that instinct has never proven me wrong.

If a date goes really well, I usually ask them if they want to get a nightcap at a bar nearby, at which point I will buy the drinks.

anna_alabama · 2026-03-13T19:45:56+00:00

Yeah I offered to split the bill on the first date with my husband, but he declined my offer. I just think it’s the right thing to do

ThatBitchA · 2026-03-13T18:00:37+00:00

No.

My husband paid for our first date. And our 2nd and 3rd dates.

After the 3rd date, maybe the 5th date, I said we should take turns since we're not interested in stopping anytime soon.

He still preferred to pay for most dates.

Even now, he pays using his card from our joint account. I never carry a wallet because he's got one.

icypiee · 2026-03-13T17:32:19+00:00

If he hasn’t made it obvious that he’s going to pay, then I will ask if he wants to split.

If he says yes, I’ll split it 50/50. And then I’ll never see him again lol

Ronniebbb · 2026-03-13T20:58:11+00:00

Always. When I went on dates and when I met my husband and we were dating, we always split the bill(minus birthdays and if the restaurant just didn't split, then we took turns paying). Just made the most sense.

Dry_Lobster5997 · 2026-03-14T12:15:12+00:00

I don't offer, I take out my wallet because obviously two working adults are going to split the check.

If he insists on paying tho I let him. Not worth conflict and it's a nice gesture.

YveisGrey · 2026-03-14T14:10:36+00:00

Nope if a man asks me on a date I assume he is paying

Nearbykingsmourne · 2026-03-14T15:12:21+00:00

Yes I do. I like to emasculate men a lil bit.

waffleznstuff30 · 2026-03-14T17:39:43+00:00

I do?

I don't mind the concept of 50/50. I want a reciprocal partnership. So covering drinks I cover the tickets? Like my affection doesn't come with a pricetag. And it goes to the highest bidder. I want to spend time with and enjoy them? It's not about the money spent and more so who I spend it with.

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-03-14T22:18:50+00:00

Yep. Always did. I paid for me and my now boyfriend’s first date because he drove quite a ways to see me and I figured it was only fair.

anomalocarus · 2026-03-15T00:34:59+00:00

Ive never offered to pay and ive never had someone get upset about it. I did go on a date with a guy who said he couldnt pay, and i stopped seeing him for many reasons, but partially because he couldnt pay.

Mentathiel · 2026-03-25T09:53:14+00:00

Always offer, usually relent and accept being treated on the first date bc I know men feel pressure to do that, but then I insist on the second date being on me.

If I don't plan to see him again, then I'd insist to split the first date bc I don't want to feel like I was taking advantage.

But tbh I never went on a first date that didn't result in a second, I always got together with people who I already knew at least somewhat as friends or acquaintances, so there weren't any big surprises on the first date.

Prior-Impression-871 · 2026-03-13T17:02:12+00:00

I only let the man pay if I can see it going further in the first place. That said, I will offer and like him less if he accepts

I'd pay my share when I first started dating my boyfriend and I regret it. It really does set the tone for the rest of the relationship. There's no rewards, no "proving yourself" until he decides you're committed enough to deserve that date and these flowers. If you don't ask for anything initially, you won't be getting those, ever

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2026-03-13T18:05:08+00:00

Yes. First dates I always paid 100% for both of us. If the date was good enough to warrant a second date, I’d say “you get the next one”

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-03-13T20:22:48+00:00

If he's the one initiating the date and suggests somewhere expensive even after I've told him my budget, then I fully expect him to pay. Otherwise I offer to pay. The only exception where I insist to pay my share is to get the hell away from him.

AmandaPea · 2026-03-13T20:57:01+00:00

Yes. But I prefer to alternate paying for dates. Same as going out for dinner or drinks with friends - we usually take turns paying for one another. Maybe it's a Canadian thing 😂 idk. The polite way.

CatchPhraze · 2026-03-13T23:41:32+00:00

If I don't want another date, I insist on splitting. If I want to date the person taking turns is more romantic then splitting like I do with "just friends"

Kaleidoscopetide · 2026-03-14T02:41:52+00:00

Yes. The offer is very genuine if he makes the same amount of money than me or less. If he makes significantly more, I think he should pay, and it affects my attraction if he doesn’t.

Edit: I have also been the one to pay for a date with a man. He had less money than me, so I didn’t mind at all.

QuestioningThink · 2026-03-13T19:20:54+00:00

No because I don’t and will never approach or ask a man out first. The person who initiates pays.

SocrateandAthena · 2026-03-13T18:36:40+00:00

I absolutely did while I was dating, for the very good reason I didn't want to feel like I owed anything to my date. I was way more comfortable doing it.

GimmeDatPomegranate · 2026-03-13T18:49:48+00:00

I always pay for myself on the first meet up, always. Outside of that, take turns.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-03-13T20:17:30+00:00

Yes

It’s genuine

No, he’s not expected to refuse

No, it won’t make him less desirable

I offer so this question is a not applicable

I’ll accept because I’m not going to turn it into a pissing contest “thanks, next time it’s on me”

If I asked him out, I expect to pay

No

Perfect-Reading-761 · 2026-03-13T20:18:04+00:00

Yes i did.

theminxisback · 2026-03-13T20:37:34+00:00

If I'm not interested, I will split the bill. If I am interested, I suggest we take turns paying for things

Title	Do you offer to pay for your own food and drinks in the early stages of dating?
Author	Morbidly0beseCat
Upvotes	10
Comments	169
Date	March 13, 2026 4:40 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rssek2/do_you_offer_to_pay_for_your_own_food_and_drinks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-offer-to-pay-for-your-own-food-and-drinks.1575412 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575412

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