When is "put out or get out" appropriate?

Taipanshimshon · 2021-10-06T02:24:09+00:00

It's always appropriate.

I'm going to make this as non gendered as possible.

For consistent issues -

If you want sex and your partner doesn't - walk.

If you want kids and your partner doesn't - walk

If you want x and your partner wants y , but expects you to provide y without providing x your partner isn't a good fit for you at best

343_peaches_and_tea · 2021-10-06T06:23:27+00:00

Obviously you're free to leave whenever.

But.

Kids are a big exception. After giving birth it's very possible she'll either:

get a tear
feel touched out from holding the baby
have her libido tanked by hormones

If you leave your wife with a 3 month old because she's not having sex with you. I'm sorry but you are an asshole.

In that case just wait it out. My wife and I were down to sex once a month after our first. She never wanted sex because our son was all over her breastfeeding. She would associate being touched with not having personal space.

We simply gave it time. Her libido came back.

Obviously if it's been years after having kids and things aren't looking like they're improving then that's different. Expecting your husband to live in a sexless marriage for life is mental.

Hoopy223 · 2021-10-05T23:39:32+00:00

Letting a girl sleep in your bed and hang out at your house for three days w/o any nookie is the most Reddit thing ever.

purplish_possum · 2021-10-05T23:34:29+00:00

Either party can terminate a relationship for any reason or no reason at all. If because of lack of sex a relationship isn't working for a party he or she can bounce. No explanation is required.

Uglinessisreal · 2021-10-05T23:59:51+00:00

You aren't obligated to remain in a relationship if it isn't making you happy, who cares what anyone else considers "appropriate"?

The thought of a partner that you have occasional reluctant sex with doesn't sound like much fun to me. For a lot of men it's either put up with that or stay single.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-10-06T03:08:01+00:00

I mean I'd say its always appropriate.

If you aren't what each other needs then obviously it's time to go.

It's not sexual coercion. It's a fact. It's the same with anything really.

In saying that, lol you let her stay in your house for three days and you didn't have sex at all?

hopesy123 · 2021-10-06T06:23:51+00:00

I feel like these examples is on the very extreme and already pretty messed up side, it’s no secret that people can be abusive or do dumb tests and what not, most of those relationships are hard to save, but otherwise when it comes to these things having an open communication and dialogue would be best where both people can talk and say what’s on their mind. I get that some people value sex higher than others, and anyone have the right to leave a relationship anytime or for any reason 100% agree on this. But if you were in a relationship and you had sex pretty regularly before and the woman then suddenly stops or says she’s doesn’t wants to, and you don’t even ask or care as to why she might not want to, like at all, I think that says a lot about your character. You can still leave ofc.

And also if you were to put sex up as a dealbreaker/ultimatum like “if you aren’t gonna have sex with me and you keep saying no, then I’m gonna leave this relationship, if you do have sex with me then I will stay” and the woman then buckles under and agree to have sex with you, cause she doesn’t wanna lose you and have feelings for you. You then have sex and you can see how fucking miserable she is, like would that be a good thing?? would that honestly make you happy? Idk it’s a messy thing I think people should be careful with ultimatums as a general thing tbh

Comfortable-Unit-897 · 2021-10-05T23:42:19+00:00

I gave it two excruciating years and left! She decided not to even touch me. I walked away with a shitload of stuff at her place. Im not sorry!!!

SyndicatePlus · 2021-10-05T23:46:27+00:00

Withholding sex in a relationship is absolutely damaging & it clearly shows the person doesn't care about you or never did.

WALK, exactly 100% of the time. There is no counter argument.

markaleftis · 2021-10-06T05:44:25+00:00

My boxes:

Without sex, you can have a friendship (+ affection from relatives like mom) or a commercial, uni, etc partnership. Aka relationship involves sex.

EdwardCircumcizehand · 2021-10-06T13:18:05+00:00

Unless otherwise specified beforehand or some extenuating circumstances, sex at least occasionally is an unsaid part of the deal. To attempt to wield sex as a bludgeon against your partner is immoral. That said, if you only care about the relationship for the sex, you would have violated your unwritten part of a relationship

Society has many unwritten rules that all of us except the totally inept can figure out. Ways of speaking, topics to refrain from, etc. These are some of the unwritten rules of relationships - you’re adults, not children, our relationships are also a way for us to find sexual satisfaction as well as emotional.

sivarias · 2021-10-06T16:47:05+00:00

If we aren't having sex, we aren't in a relationship. This is a friendship, and you will be treated as such.

drew8311 · 2021-10-06T01:34:14+00:00

Sex is part of the deal if either partner wants it to be part of the deal. Same with being over 6ft and under a certain weight, or hair color, etc. There isn't even a debate here.

neetykeeno · 2021-10-06T03:07:36+00:00

Well it is pretty complicated...lots of different issues can be involved. Obviously, for example it would be kind of a shitty move to throw a LTR out if the reason they can't fuck is they are waiting for a hernia operation. And obviously ultimatums followed by sudden actions are kind of trashy low class reality tv level crap compared to having a bit of a talk and then agreeing together that the relationship is less than ideal and needs to end so you can both move on.

NotTheBestMoment · 2021-10-05T23:28:41+00:00

No counter argument exists, you’re right

WilliamWyattD · 2021-10-06T06:25:13+00:00

I'm not sure it's ever really 'put out or get out' per se. Typically, it's just 'get out' because it isn't really about the sex, it's what their behavior reveals about them as a person. Once you see that, you wouldn't take them back even if they offered sex again.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-10-06T15:23:35+00:00

Women have made it very clear that relationships are:

"Perform to my expectations or I'm outta here".

Which is fine.

So, men should hold their partners to the same standards right? Equality right?

Let's see how that works out for our trusty LTR men.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-10-05T23:44:04+00:00

whenever you want? the first ones a shit test BTW, the second I have no idea lol

FrivolousMood · 2021-10-06T02:35:17+00:00

It’s perpetually appropriate. Unmet sexual needs are a legitimate reason to end any relationship. How is this even a question?

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-10-06T09:02:34+00:00

Personally I don't think Withholding sex is a tool to be used against somebody , for goods or in trade . Should be enjoyable and wanted by all parties in involved

However if an individual doesn't want to have sex with you explicitly, and it's becoming a routine, then there's something going on to where it's causing them mentally to be turned off. Sex has to be worth it for all the mess that comes with it , it has to be worth it. I'm just saying lol .

Sometimes people are not in the mood to have sex , so don't confuse what I'm stating as if somebody says no a couple of times as they don't want you, just some people don't have as high as sex drive as other people. That's why it's imperative that you partner up with somebody that has the same libido as you.

Megabyte7637 · 2021-10-06T00:51:09+00:00

Good question.

ThisBoringLife · 2021-10-06T11:16:55+00:00

Hmm...

Personally, I'd go more or less the direct route. Let it be known sex is important to you in a relationship, and let them know if they want things to continue, they know what to do.

Yes, they're free to disagree, but as you said, you're free to break it off as well.

DeliciousPussyNectar · 2021-10-06T12:01:06+00:00

Immediately. Lol.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-10-06T12:35:49+00:00

You left out the first one was an emotional mess trying to hurt herself, abusive, etc. This was not a normal relationship.

In your OP, you imply she did this out of the blue with nothing going on with her or your relationship.

You have every right to leave for any reason but you sure left a lot out about her emotional state. The cut off of sex didnt come out of nowhere, there were issues going on.

Physiologist21 · 2021-10-06T16:47:13+00:00

Whenever you want it to be. Just like anyone can decide to have or not have sex with you. You can decide to give or not gibe your time attention and resources. Isnt life grand?

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-10-06T22:50:08+00:00

All the time.

I've straight up told numerous women not to hit me up if we aren't having sex when I come around.

"it shouldn't be about sex and I have no right to her body"

What a nonsensical response, but I've heard this plenty of times in my day. The answer is always delivered calmly and with a smirk. 'Whatever you say, and you're right --- I respect your decision. Now respect mine to leave and not come back until and only if you're up for having sex.'

Then go fuck someone else.

It's very simple.

daddysgotanew · 2021-10-07T14:44:06+00:00

The first bitch you described is a nut job. Good on you for leaving.

After about 3 dates with no sex, I’m gone. If you withhold sex after we start having it, without a valid reason, you’re gone. If you try to use sex to get me to do something, I’m gone.

It’s just sex. It’s mutually fun and low risk in the modern era. If you’re not interested in having it with me, I will go find someone who is. It’s harder nowadays, but I manage

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2021-10-06T00:56:00+00:00

I mean, if she doesn't want to have sex with me, fine.

I certainly don't want to force her or make her sign a contract for periodic blowjobs.

But if she doesn't want to have sex with me, it's the curb for her. Of course this is when it's indefinite.

That's the fairest possible way to deal with it, I think.

And, remember, with women (I used to think this wasn't the case back in my Blue Pill Days and now I know better) it's never "I don't want to fuck."

It's: "I don't want to have sex (with YOU)".

upalse · 2021-10-06T01:20:36+00:00

intense sex at first

gaslighting about "sexual coercion"

want to continue as "platonic relationship"

Textbook BPD bait&switch. Normal girl would be honest with you and just break up once she's lost hots for you.

hobo girl

Either a normal girl - she's seen you're a chump the moment you brought her in with no make out sesh during the date. Or cock tease in case there was a make out, and then suddenly ice queen.

ARX7 · 2021-10-06T09:22:51+00:00

I'd argue the withholding of sex unilaterally is the sexual coercion. Sex is normally part of intimacy within a relationship not something you get to hold over someone's head as a bargaining chip and if its ever done is a pretty big flag that it's time to leave.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-10-06T00:18:16+00:00

My man you are smart!

Read /r/deadbedrooms, you've dodged multiple bullets.

If it were WWI and you were with me in the trenches, I'd be following you.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-10-06T00:09:17+00:00

Any reason to leave is valid. But as a woman who has been more or less on the other side of this, I wouldn't date someone who constantly pressured me into having sex when I didn't want to.

chilikettlechips · 2021-10-06T00:58:56+00:00

Enthusiastic consent goes both ways.

Surprised Pikachu face for the women.

Cuntwaffe3 · 2021-10-06T00:53:52+00:00

I don't particularly have an argument, as people can leave whenever they want, for whatever reason and people can say no to sex if they do not want to. Depending on the why is where people pass judgment, but as a whole I don't think it is something to debate about.

I just want to know why your ex went on a sex strike.

Fudstersecured · 2021-10-05T23:51:43+00:00

Jeez, you’ve had terrible luck with women. Girl number one sounds like a basket case. Girl number two sounds like she was in a bad state.

Scarypaperplates · 2021-10-06T05:26:35+00:00

I mean the second situation doesnt sound like a relationship situation so not sure why you would view it as one given your following argument.

mandoa_sky · 2021-10-06T07:54:56+00:00

well i'm very upfront about the fact most of the time I'm asexual and so have no desire nor interest in sex with anyone.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-10-06T12:30:08+00:00

All parties in a relationship have every right to determine what you will put up with and what you won't.

Slingsyogurt · 2021-10-06T14:01:19+00:00

I think it’s appropriate to break up if you’re unhappy for any circumstance. A relationship requires two people. Sexual compatibility is important.

However - I think you’ll always hit a stale mate or for better terms, this (not this exact situation about sex - could be anything) will continue to happen with all relationships where something isn’t met and you two break up (rather than fixing the issue).

You mention she wilthheld sex without a care for your feelings. She may have felt the same way you do. It doesn’t make her right, or you, they’re just feelings to work through. She may feel like you didn’t care about her feelings. So now you’re at a stale mate. One of you will need to bend for the other to reinstate how much you two do care for one another. And how to get it back to feeling happy for both of you. This is best if both people take responsibility to help the partner when their insecurities and doubts pop up or having a problem elsewhere in their lives. Like taking turns to help each other when one isn’t fully functioning.

You didn’t ask her what the sex strike was for, as far as the comments I have read. It seems both of you felt the same way. Unheard. Unhappy. Partner doesn’t care for my feelings, only their own - paradox bc neither of you can reach each other.

It was right of you to break up if you’re unhappy. It’s sad you didn’t feel connected enough to someone to try and work through that and ask questions, because no matter who you end up with - problems DO arise. Bending for someone you actually like and will bend for you is really nice to have, because sometimes I’m a grumpy fuck and need that balance. Sometimes my partner needs my bend to balance us.

revisionistnow · 2021-10-06T19:17:48+00:00

I think there are some other ways to approach this problem.

I don't think the only value a woman brings is their ability to get you off. Now if she doesn't provide that and she is staying at my house for free, she will need to be providing ALL of the other domestic services.

If she can invite over a few different attractive friends through the week to make up in the area's in which she lacks then I'd image we'd have a pretty satisfactory relationship. Really boils down to communication.

Boondoggie7777 · 2021-10-06T23:34:21+00:00

No, you shouldn't assume anything in a relationship! You don't get to automatically decide sex is part of any deal!

That being said, you're free to leave or ask someone to leave your apartment. You should give them the common courtesies when doing so, e.g. kicking them out in the middle of the night with no way to get home is a dick move. You can ask them to sleep on the couch, or you could move to the couch.

Iamflowerlady22 · 2021-10-07T04:58:57+00:00

You did fine. Its not coercion. It would be if you threaten to kick her out if she won't have sex with you, but you didn't try to bargain with them. You have every right to break up with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you. You really don't need a good reason. Like you said, they are not entitled to a relationship. Even the second woman was in the wrong. She knew she was using you.

I-Fail-Forward · 2021-10-06T03:06:01+00:00

Put out or get out is never appropriate.

Because being directly confrontational in a relationship like that is a terrible idea, if your relationship has regressed to the point where you are delivering ultimatums, you should have left that relationship a long time ago, and if you didnt see the signs, you should still leave now, but without the confrontation.

If they ask why you left, simply tell them that you where sexually incompatible and move on.

That said, you should be able to talk about this well before it becomes this kind of problem, if it really is an irreconcilable difference, you should have figured it out and ended the relationship when you talked about it.

Sex is an important part of a relationship (at least it is for most people), but the why of somebody not having sex should be more important than having sex, if it isnt, you shouldn't be in that relationship anyways.

Metza · 2021-10-06T05:23:57+00:00

I wouldn't consider myself on a radfem/fds "side" in part because I think that radical feminism is far more diverse than what is represented by stuff like FDS, and in part because I'm a man and to me feminism is something I read and learn about and not something that I am.

Sorry this is really long. You wanted a perspective, so I am giving you mine, but as applied to the examples and situations you described.

I think that the emotional undercurrents of your argument are completely valid and touch upon something that is often hard to talk about. There's a lot of idealized talk about love and relationships in which we think that love should or ought to transcend sex. Love is about a person, sex is about bodies. Sex gets to be "just sex" because love is something else and more pure. I think this is bullshit, and that it can be really emotionally damaging bullshit.

Sexuality is fundamental to who we are and how we express ourselves as people. It's more than just getting your rocks off. It is a fundamental way in which a lot of people express themselves as a person who desire and who wants to be desired. Even when we talk about "meaningless sex" it is still potentially meaningful for us as people since it allows us to explore ourselves and develop the sort of desire that links us to the world. There are, of course, other ways and people can, for one reason or another, develop satisfying relationships to other people and to their broader world without sexual contact.

What's really important here is that we have a pretty fundamental need for a kind of intimate contact in which one can express their desires. Sex is a great way to do that. It allows us to express ourselves in a raw emotional way, loose from the tangles of trying to make sense of our feelings or put them into words. But sex is also a site of trauma for most if not all people. In one way or another we have all experienced some sexual humiliation or violation and often we tend to carry those wounds around with us. Sometimes that can make certain kinds of intimacy difficult.

The problem in your reasoning isn't that it's false. Rather, it's that you make a category error. You mistake the lack of sex for the lack of intimacy often expressed by it.

Your complaint in the first example isn't that you weren't having enough regular sex, but that she put up a very explicit border to intimacy, but didn't give you any space to negotiate a relationship to that boundary. If i'm reading the situation right, it seems like when you tried to talk to her about the importance of sexual intimacy, instead of engaging you in a discussion that gave you space to express yourself and allow your desire to be recognized she rebuffed you and accused you of even questioning it. That's her right, as it was your right to leave.

In your second example, you were actually quite patient and showed precisely that "lack of sex" wasn't the issue. It was the fact that she was being dodgy and opaque and gave you the impression that she was taking advantage of you. I imagine you would have felt differently if, instead of reacting as she did, she had an honest discussion about her hangups and recognized that you wanted to have sex, but that it would take her some more time to get there.

When we can't express our desires, the wounds they hide begin to fester. The issue isn't the lack of sex, it's the sort of breakdown of intimacy that often accompanies the lack of sex. I've gone through periods in my relationship where sex has been an issue, but we talk about it and allow each other the space to express how we're feeling. We've had a lot of shitty conversations that have been really hard, but we've also seen things get better and heal.

Barneysparky · 2021-10-05T23:37:36+00:00

You never said what happened with your girlfriend to make her not want to have sex with you, sounds like she gave you an ultimatum about something and let you do the breaking up.

The second one, yes she wasn't into you but needed a place to stay. Homelessness sucks, and just like asking for change at a red light they do what they have to do to get by.

RabbitNRaccoon · 2021-10-06T03:10:42+00:00

Technically, any time you want to.

Ethically, any time a woman puts herself willingly into a situation where she knows sex is supposed to happen but refuses.

For a GF or wife, it's any time they go on strike. If there is a problem in the relationship, of course no one is in the mood for it. But if she is doing it to get back at you, give her her walking papers.

For non-GFs it is any time she does anything that supposes sex. For example, a woman should not expect to be able to sleep next to a heterosexual man in his bed and act flabbergasted when he tries for sex.

This is a big boundary, I see a lot of women willfully violating and I don't understand why. They will go into a man's house, go into his bed, sometimes take clothes off, give or receive a massage and the like and then when the man tries for sex, act surprised like they had no idea.

Women will go to Netflix and Chill and act like they didn't know they were agreeing to sex. When they knew what it was. It's disrespectful.

In instances like this, always tell her to leave. At best she is purposely wasting your time and trying to use you for ego validation and gets off on watching you look stupid when she denies you or at worst she is "shit testing" you and wants you to pass it.

In both cases, tell her to leave. And don't reneg if she changes her mind suddenly. Don't play her game.

Sex is not an obligation. But women and men have to take more care and exercise mutual respect when it comes expectations of sex.

I wish more people would talk directly about sex with new partners. Why is it weird to talk about sexual expectation in advance? People date for sex, love and relationships.

So it should be socially acceptable to discuss it early on. That way both are on the same page and can make decisions about continuing the relationship or not early on. 🤷‍♀️

LittyKitsune · 2021-10-06T01:23:13+00:00

Shouldn't even get to that point honestly. If I can't fulfill what my partner asks for in a relationship I put my ducks in a row and end it myself. At least leave with a shred of dignity instead of getting "kicked out."

DillonTheFatUglyMale · 2021-10-06T13:50:20+00:00

"it shouldn't be about sex and I have no right to her body" red flag

I am really glad that you responded with ''Well yes, and you have no right to a relationship with me either'' proud of you man. resist

''Sex is part of the deal'' yup. relationships are an agreement. if someone breaks the agreement, any of the participants can decide to leave.

Naru4odo · 2021-10-06T13:56:12+00:00

I've had a girlfriend try to do this before, she claimed that she was on a sex strike because I wasn't acting right, so me being tit for tat, started to demand money for the simplest of things, when we go out, we split the bill to her dismay, when I stop to buy food, I only get for myself and when I get home and she asks where's hers, I tell her she should go get it herself, I even demanded her half of the rent and bills, she had no choice but to cave because I told her if the lights or water got cut I'd be leaving and moving into a place of my own, I have my money so it's a simple thing and she knows this. She thought she controlled the relationship because she controls the sex, I taught her a lesson that month, because it's actually he/she who cares less controls the relationship. The one thing my father taught me is to never be afraid of losing a woman, always have it in your mind that you can lose her at anytime, were you do this, and operate in kind, you don't care whether they wanna go or stay. Just look at it in terms of economics, when you're with a woman, you'll spend more and save less, when you're single... Well you get the gist, most are a liability so operate in kind.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-10-06T01:43:00+00:00

You can NEVER tell someone to leave their own home they share with you, or your home that you invited them to stay in, because they won’t fuck you. You can especially NEVER leave someone in an unsafe situation with nowhere to stay because they won’t fuck you.

HOWEVER, it doesn’t seem you did either of those things. You are never obligated to stay in a relationship you don’t want to be in, no matter what the reason is that it’s not working. Personally, I would have worked a little harder to find out why she didn’t want to have sex and see if those issues could be fixed, but if you weren’t interested in doing that, then the relationship was probably on its last leg anyway. And I would definitely not be comfortable with someone crashing at my place after a date and just staying indefinitely, sex or no sex! That’s rude and weird. Tbh I kind of suspect you told her she could stay for a while and then changed your mind when she didn’t want to fuck you, but IF the story happened as it sounds, then you would be right to tell her she needed to leave. You just shouldn’t have allowed her to be there so long on the expectation of sex, that was your mistake. But telling her to leave was fine if you never said she could stay for days like that.

The supposed unwritten sex contract in relationships is a sensitive topic, but it comes down to two truths: 1) Nobody is obligated to have sex with you, and 2) Nobody is obligated to stay in a relationship with you. Your partner can refuse sex for any reason, and you can leave for any reason including lack of sex. Now there are certain situations that would definitely make you an asshole for leaving, like if your partner can’t have sex for a while due to having a baby or surgery or something. Even if the reasons are psychological, I think the right thing to do is usually to be patient and try to work through them. If it doesn’t work and your sex drives are just incurably mismatched? Then it’s probably time to end things.

MMAjambo · 2021-10-06T01:50:56+00:00

Reddit logic is man bad woman good

LillianF320 · 2021-10-06T00:05:22+00:00

Still am curious about the reason behind the first girls strike. She was clearly open enough to say you have no right to my body if what you stated is true. Just seems odd she’d be comfortable saying that but wouldn’t explain why she wants a break from sex in a relationship. Curious about what she considered sexual coercion as well.

People can withdraw sex as an abusive tactic but it’s hard to know with so little information.

filthyburrows · 2021-10-06T10:21:00+00:00

you don't have the right to any persons body.

if you act as if sex is something to be expected then I think you are less likely to get it ( in my experience)

those two things being said, in any form of romantic relationship it is important for both parties to be aware of each others sexual need if they intend to keep on playing within the relationship.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-10-05T23:36:45+00:00

Everything about this is dysfunctional and there are a a lot of missed opportunities to problem solve in relationships.

What’s the expectation here? Someone unwillingly having sex with you? Kinda pathetic. Solve the problems in the relationship as an adult and if that’s not possible yeah you should leave. But making it about how you’re owed sex is weak

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-10-06T00:22:21+00:00

Well both of those situations would have been "get out" situations for me, as far as your question this is why I tell guys to make your intentions clear from the get-go with women and never be "just friends" with a woman you're attracted to, it is stupid to put yourself in the friend zone.

And if you have options if a girl isn't even putting out signals of trying to fuck you unlike the third or fourth date just move on, waiting is one thing if she's a virgin or she has a body count of like one or two in the context of a serious relationship but if she's had casual sex I ain't trying to hear all that

I remember a situation where a girl who I knew had been promiscuous and was not shy about doing certain things (I had seen video confirmation) I went out on a date with her and she tried to play the "I don't want to rush into things I want to take my time with you " schtick, so when she was leaving I tried to arrange for my fuck-buddy at the time to meet her at the door but she was late by about 5 minutes so I just did the next best thing and did some social media posting, don't let these broads play around with you if you can afford not to lol

Rosifer433d · 2021-10-06T06:09:51+00:00

Huh, a man is not entitled to a woman's body just because he is dating her. Or married to her. This isn't Saudi Arabia. We do things a bit differently in the Free World, thankfully.

As for a very attractive sleeping on your bed and not having sex with you. I'm sorry, did you hire her to have sex with you and then she declined? And even if she was an escort, she has the right to decide she doesn't want to h ave sex with you.

''sex is part of the deal''

LMAO Why do I have the feeling this human being only enters a romantic relationship to have sex?

That's a nice little text just to try and justify that he's entitled to sex, which he is not.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-10-06T11:47:55+00:00

Dodged a bullet with that first one… crazy AF

kissmetilyouredrunk · 2021-10-06T00:05:04+00:00

The first time, a girlfriend I had a normal relationship with decided to go on a sex strike.

Because of....? That seems kind of relevant

donoyonoton · 2021-10-06T08:28:29+00:00

For men it's almost entirely about sex. Women might not like that fact but that's just what it is for us. Never tolerate a relationship you don't like.

Rockbottom503 · 2021-10-06T14:12:32+00:00

Your first relationship - she goes on a sex strike, literally using sex as a weapon to get you to do something, you leave, she accuses you of sexual coercion?!?! Surely even she must see the irony in that shit!

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-10-06T00:13:01+00:00

To find the result of an equation you need to clear X. The problem is not the result, is X.

The same for a relationship. If X doesn't want to have sex then the problem is not sex, it's X.

Clear the fucking X.

Unless you want something else from a relationship, of course. But If you want sex and you're with a partner who's unwilling to have sex with you then you need to find a new partner.

Why is so hard to understand?

What do you think women do when they want to get married and their boyfriends don't want to put a ring on it?

The baseline for sex it's personal higiene. If you take a fucking shower and your girlfriend doesn't want to fuck you then you need to bail out.

In a world where men who beats the shit out of their wives still get a blowjob before going to bed there is no excuse for a woman to not fuck their husbands and boyfriends on a daily basis.

If you are not getting any despite being perfectly average (and clean), hell if you are plain boring and fucking gross but still a woman agreed to have a relationship with you but you are not having then kind of sex you like, then the problem it's not you, the sex, the emotional conection, the lack of orgasms or the house chores.

It's her. Get a new woman.

sernamedeleted · 2021-10-06T02:24:43+00:00

Possibly the wedding night, but my wife and I didn't seal the deal until about halfway thru the honeymoon.

I guess, the only time would be if having sex would disarm a bomb or something.

"Blow me or blow up."

I really don't think it's ever appropriate to end a relationship only because someone isn't ready for physical intimacy. But that doesn't sound like your only issue with the first relationship.

But don't let a homeless women steal your bedroom again. It's probably okay to ask her to leave without demanding sex as the other option in that case.

Freevoulous · 2021-10-06T07:13:02+00:00

IMHO, if the relationship does not START with sex, it is doomed to failure.

Either she is so sexually into you that she cannot help herself but to fuck you, or you might just as well quit. The chances of a sexual relationship starting from null and improving over time are very slim.

Over time, you might show her to be a good boyfriend, provider, friend and partner, but you are unlikely to suddenly become more sexy to her than you were on the first date.

Iron-Giant169 · 2021-10-06T15:31:23+00:00

I left a girl at the bus stop near my place after she ate my food and spent the night in my bed and didn’t put out. Couldn’t even be bothered to drive her ass home. Was it mean? Yes. But idgaf

BoogersAndSugar · 2021-10-06T09:52:23+00:00

They can call it whatever the hell they want. If you feel you're being played or taken advantage of, you have every damn right to remove yourself from the situation. Most of these girls know exactly what they're doing. Never forget that.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-10-06T12:40:55+00:00

any relationship that allows a woman access over your life leads to them getting leverage over you. At which point the shit tests just increase and get worse over time. The only winning move is to walk away and you did that with #1. #2, kicking her out was the right thing, probably would have done it sooner.

PsychologicalPlay235 · 2021-10-06T13:54:56+00:00

You're not entitled to sex- just like the rest. But everyone in this world is entitled to basic human decency. Sounds like you have too little of the latter to understand me, though.

FatPam007 · 2021-10-06T16:04:01+00:00

But you can't expect your partner to give you sex whenever YOU WANT. That's selfish and disrespectful. She has the right to not be in the mood or not feel good or whatever. Being in a relationship means you understand the other person. In your case you don't care about the other person but you just want to satisfy yourself. It's really creepy too that your girlfriend accused you of coercion... You may have tried to force her to have sex with you, which would make sense based on your post... That's really bad.

billsull_02842 · 2021-10-06T03:05:07+00:00

if a buyer is not getting a fair exchange from the seller should he continue doing business?

Aldabruzzo · 2021-10-06T12:56:07+00:00

Yeah, "put out or get out" is appropriate whenever you're not getting the sex you want from your relationship because the other party WILL NOT give it to you. The other party CAN give it to you. She's physically able to. She knows how to. It's just that she won't give it to you. She refuses you.

Under those circumstances, it's time to tell her to take a long walk and don't come back.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-10-06T17:09:32+00:00

It is never appropriate. But it is never appropriate to do the opposite as well.

It's like saying "ring now, or get out."

Same thing.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-10-06T06:52:44+00:00

A woman only fucking you doesn't count. She needs to fuck other guys, preferrably strangers to prove her commitment. If she refuses then she's not willing to please you sexually.

The test that you should be using is "fuck all of my friends or get out".

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Bamaboy1900 · 2021-10-06T17:53:13+00:00

Were those two girls virgins? If not what did their n count look like?

midwestufohunter · 2021-10-08T21:39:51+00:00

Yikes

Stomach-Competitive · 2021-10-10T08:23:24+00:00

It depends on the situation.

May I ask why she went on a sex strike? You don’t go from a normal and happy relationship to just withholding sex for no reason. (You might have been justified to walk, or she might have been justified in not having sex, maybe both parties were justified or both of you were wrong.)

Title	When is "put out or get out" appropriate?
Author	roman99789
Upvotes	118
Comments	587
Date	October 5, 2021 11:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/q28a81/when_is_put_out_or_get_out_appropriate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-is-put-out-or-get-out-appropriate.1077164 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077164

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