This post will probably be removed.

HereForTheFreeFoodOk · 2021-10-08T11:55:37+00:00

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eveloe · 2021-10-08T11:23:19+00:00

Whew, my post was deleted too. I’ve been on FDS for three years, under multiple accounts.

What used to be a strategic subreddit has turned into a meme subreddit, and low effort posts allow men to easily slip through the net by gaining karma, and the attention of mods.

The way we also talk about other women is also disgusting: there is a labelling and dismissal of women that post on relationships especially. These women are literally crying for help, their stuff gets screenshot, and then the pile on happens.

I’ve been in the DMs of more than three women whose posts have ended up here and being confronted with insults is horrible when you’re already in a low place.

My post that was deleted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/odrkpv/posting_low_effort_memes_and_screenshots_makes

The post about linking to bad actors:

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mg17v7/linking_to_other_bad_actors_content_aka_do_not/

There was an offshoot of some members who experienced very similar frustrations as you, but FDS mods trawled their subreddit and banned them from FDS. Their posts are still good enough to be in the handbook though lol

_mooness · 2021-10-08T13:44:46+00:00

I find the relationship advice reposts to be sad but helpful, they remind me stay on my toes. And the crappy tinder posts are funny and also a reminder not to go back to OLD. With that said, I agree sometimes the censorship is too much here.

HereForTheFreeFoodOk · 2021-10-08T12:10:07+00:00

Yeah - all the trash men memes really do affect my psyche too.

The awesome posts are few and far between - the really smart, community minded, female oriented posts, with women firing off awesome commentary and great insights.... I see them once every two weeks....mayyybe ?

We should be seeing them a few times a week.

Lamenting about scrotes.... I get it - there is no where else we can let off steam or play "show and tell" about male depravity. So part of me understands why they are needed.... the other part of me is peak exhausted seeing them.

That being said - it has turned me off men for life. I have zero attraction to have a boyfriend/sweetheart in my life.

None.

Lost all interest and hope and desire.

The good thing about this - is that it has made me become radically self focused and radically self accepting and radically self compassionate and hyper focused on achieving things.

Perhaps once I have mastered my reality on my own terms, will I then feel comfortable inviting a man into my realm. A man as a decadent luxury.

Until then - I hang out a lot in a new sub called r fiercefemaleambition

Strong minded women - thinking in a revolutionary way - and ruthlessly worshipping their potential with a commitment to see it manifest.

See you there, queens.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-10-08T12:43:56+00:00

I completely agree about linking directly to RP YouTubes or TikToks or other bad faith actors. You’re literally putting money in these men’s pockets. The algorithm doesn’t care; a hate-watch is still a watch. The most controversial YouTubers understand this.

I don’t mind if it’s a woman reacting to it though, like those funny TikToks where women (and sometimes other men) tear apart these guys.

As far as the women on other relationships subs, I find it’s a mixed bag IME. There’s always a lot of support and comments about “FDS Rescue Mission!”. There’s some snark. A lot of it really depends on whether the original OP is stubborn and willfully blind even as comments from the wider Reddit communities are telling her what’s up. If those chuckleheads are telling you it’s bad and you argue, well, you’re not ready yet.

A comment like “why does she put up with this?!” from one of us might seem harsh but if she’s got other people telling her to CoMmUiCaTe with this shitty dude and then comes here and sees us unabashedly saying he sucks and what are you doing, idk maybe it’s optimistic of me, but maybe once the sting wears off she’ll wonder “why AM I putting up with it?”

Big-Paleontologist13 · 2021-10-08T12:48:43+00:00

thanks for writing this, often someone has shared a story or looking for validation and support, i jump in and offer up what i know, i go back to check the post & it’s removed. yeah i feel the members need more ownership, as this is meant to be a place of growth. also o loathe the ‘pickmeisha’ flair, it was given to me once for disagreeing with a mod, and i felt awful & ashamed and embarrassed and NOT AT ALL like part of the community, that event actually led me to pull my patreon subscription.

arnezuara · 2021-10-08T12:59:41+00:00

I believe that, given FDS’ plans to expand, the good-quality content, i.e. strategy posts, is expected to be taken down (eventually) in order to get monetized. Additionally, it’s hard to moderate most of the content that gets posted here.

The LVM depravity posts are “juicy” so they get much more engagement: upvotes, comments.

However, yes, I do agree with you: we need to shift back to sharing strategies, level up ideas, and more.

yawniesleeps · 2021-10-08T13:50:50+00:00

You are absolutely correct. I think we need a better mixture of content. Some of the posts seem too bitter for my taste and does not reflect the dating experience genuinely. Yes, there are fewer HVM, but statistically they do exist. We need more positivity and hope that we CAN find a HVM not a bunch of posts about how pervasive LVM are and it’s like fishing in a haystack for a HVM. I personally don’t think it’s that hopeless but always be sure to take care of ourselves and our values.

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2021-10-08T12:00:45+00:00

There needs to be a sister sub where we can vent and criticize obvious male depravity. Unfortunately this would get a LOT of harrassment and probably banned as a hate sub.

fg_hj · 2021-10-08T12:21:32+00:00

I take breaks too.

I get easily triggered too and in the beginning the manosphere posts here were enough to make me not be able to use this sub.

The low quality meme content and tiktoks do nothing good and attract men.

mxmoon · 2021-10-08T12:06:40+00:00

I used to visit this sub daily when it focused on strategy, leveling up, Queen energy, boundaries, etc.

My ex was an abusive narc, I get it. But being with him was enough for me to almost lose my hope in men. It’s not healthy to be bombarded with how depraved men are.

I am one of the women who’s consistently triggered. That’s why I avoid FDS. I think we should talk about and do something about the depravity of men, and how abusive they are. But not on this sub.

I’ve already lived that abuse and depravity. I want to continue learning and leveling up. I want to know about women who’ve successfully vetted and are in happy relationships.

I loved reading the handbook, learning about boundaries, expectations, standards, putting yourself first. But the sub is not that anymore, it’s mostly misogynistic horror stories. I am a staunch feminist and a domestic abuse advocate, but this is not what I aim to learn about/see on this sub.

I used to check it everyday day, now I tense up whenever a post pops up on my screen.

OrangeyPanda · 2021-10-08T15:58:04+00:00

Mods on female subreddits have to be extremely fierce, it's harder to mod then any other subreddits. But that also means all of the depraved, abusive and psychotic content men post that women are subjected to disappears and no evidence is left. All they see is women complaining about men while they can pretend to be the victims and say we are overreacting. This is why i think we need to show some of the depraved men posts, because society and especially women NEED to know how men think, what they say and do.

Women have kept their struggles and the abuse we've recieved from men as a dirty secret and we've blamed ourselves for all of history. It's 2021 and we need their shit out in the open for everyone to see. If that means we need another subreddit then that's fine, but this one gets a lot of traffic.

apommom · 2021-10-08T11:10:56+00:00

I didn’t listen to the podcast episode but I did see a post about how we should “entertain voices we don’t agree with because this isn’t a cult.”

I do agree that screenshots of TRP and Tinder etc. can be triggering and further dehumanizing. We know what scrotes say and do and how they act, and it’s not cautionary either. Cautionary tales are from women’s own perspectives and those can be very valuable, even texts posts written by women on other subs. Point being, I already know how depraved men are and it’s pointless to center them and give them more of a platform. I like coming here to uplift myself and support other women, and don’t see any value to those posts or validity to the argument that they’re somehow cautionary.

creamtart_ · 2021-10-08T13:36:07+00:00

I feel like there’s this bizarre expectation for FDS to be everything for women’s needs. I imagine it’s because there aren’t enough women’s spaces online. But really it’s just not possible for one sub to cater to everyone’s needs. The mods can’t make everyone happy.

I see some women oversharing their trauma expecting a trauma support therapy sub; newbies who shitpost screenshots showing they clearly haven’t read the handbook; WGTOW-esque defeatist posts. The list goes on. I’m not speaking for the mods at all, but truth is none of that belongs here.

I vote we go back to OG FDS - ruthless DATING strategies that maximise female benefit. No coddling fragile egos, no playing armchair therapist, no stupid screenshots and obvious karma farming. Just solid strategy and advice.

Toot--Sweet · 2021-10-08T12:20:59+00:00

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Determinedblonde · 2021-10-08T12:50:24+00:00

I agree. I want to see more positive content, from HVM to making new HVF friends, to dating when you’re not sure if someone is HV or not. Whereas complaining about obvious LVM is no longer required. Once ladies have read the handbook, we get the basics - an imbalanced relationship full of disrespect and the man being cheap = dump him.

I think most women in the sub are aware of red flags now - in fact, I’ve seen one glaring one with a neighbour today.

Interesting-Bat3992 · 2021-10-08T14:06:32+00:00

Don't forget that this community is getting a lot of newbies as well as incels and scrotes due to recent publications such as vice (and the others that I forgot). And there are scrotes that actively downvote, and conspire to bring down this sub. What is the best way for them to do it? Infiltrate with marginal FDS values, not read the handbook, karma farm, swamp the mods with hate mail and troll posts, do everything against the rules (such as name calling that you mentioned), burn out mods, divide the people within, and complain.

When this sub had less people, it was manageable. But now that this sub is flooded and gaining attention, and since scrotes are downvoting from the outside since they are not allowed in, they are burying the quality content posts. You have seen the vitriol they spew and their obsessive compulsion to hate on and stalk this sub.

You can't make the mods responsible for handling the downvoting of quality content, and who are tirelessly working to defend this sub. And you should also understand by now that men want to shut down the only safe space for women where men's depravity is exposed.

tellmesomething11 · 2021-10-08T12:46:39+00:00

I think it’s important to show these red pill posts because many women, especially who are new to FDS, are aware something isn’t right, but can’t put their finger on it. When we break down the imbedded issues with red pill posts, we allow women to view the content and discussion quietly without having to expose themselves or their past pick me behavior. The more detailed posts model the appropriate behavior to have.

it’s easy to be exasperated at the barrage of posts that come in that show the bad behavior, especially if you have elevated past that.
but FDS is a place to teach women. And some discussions may apply to you and some may not. To express disappointment because it is not serving your needs is sad, but perhaps you have elevated past this sub and no longer need it.
with that said, I’m many years in my journey and sometimes I still get caught “slipping” lol. Sometimes I justify a red pill behavior. It may be faster that I recover, but I appreciate the variety of posts to show me that this is a lifelong journey. I constantly need reinforcement lol!

Edit: Name calling isn’t acceptable and as women, we need to do better. To those that do call other women names, don’t be triggered because that person was literally you a few years (or even a few months back) Be better. And y’all should be reporting women who resort to that low vibration.

thatsmisswitchtoyou · 2021-10-08T12:24:47+00:00

I've lurked here longer than I've had an account and contributed here, but I see your point. I've probably lurked for a good year, and over the year there has been an increase in posts that expose us to men's depraved behaviors vs content to build ourselves and each other up.

I've even added comments on those posts, and your post made me do a bit of a double take. Now, I know I'm new here in terms of contributing content, but it would be nice to see things that don't bring more focus and attention to men- even if it is to point out their depraved actions.

I've even thought it would be nice to discuss hobbies and other things that we could do/use to better ourselves. Example: Fashion of HVW women. I dress way differently than I did back when I was more pick-me minded. It would be neat to discuss those kind of transformations, etc. Granted, that might not be the target of this sub... but it is one example of content that seems nice because it focuses on improving and expressing ourselves through our own unique styles. Truly I think it did wonders for me to evaluate how a HVW dresses and carries herself.

TheOGJammies · 2021-10-08T12:32:50+00:00

To be blunt, FDS is unsustainable on Reddit.

We can’t moderate or quarantine the negative posts here fast enough. We can’t replace our mods as fast as they burn out dealing with the BS here. We’ve tried.

I and the other original mods and disciples went off a few months ago on the negativity of this sub and people not focusing on dating and the user base attacked us for it.

Literally the entire mod team, the people who crafted this sub to what it is, got eaten alive by the user base.

So now you’re mad at the decline of the sub, but you were also mad when we tried to fix it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o10s8d/reminder_fds_is_not_wgtowovaritfemcel_etc_were_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Everyone who was invested in writing strategy doesn’t want to be here wading through incel and depressed femcel bullshit or have their work plagiarized.

A lot of the mods who are active lost their patience or went off the rails.

haggis_rising · 2021-10-08T13:43:30+00:00

Yeah, I agree. Posting screenshots of male depravity is low effort and gives LVM a voice on FDS. I wouldn't see the memes go completely because they can be a relatable starting point but there's just too many now. I especially hate the tiktoks of men dishing out advice - I don't gaf about men's opinions. It's good to be aware of abusive tactics, etc but the wall to wall depravity feels like an invasion of our sacred female space.

These days I find myself either rereading the handbook or on FLUS for level up strategy and to feel empowered.

Impossible_Mud_7599 · 2021-10-08T15:44:55+00:00

I appreciate this community a lot and want to continue to see it succeed. I do think the mods are overwhelmed.

Perhaps we need some more mods. Or a mod schedule — the ones we have are engaging with abuse 24/7. It can’t be good for their mental health. They likely don’t have energy left to engage in thoughtful discussions with us at the end of the day, and that is okay. They are human.

I would be happy to help coordinate. Mods, feel free to reach out if the idea of a mod sked appeals to you. Or maybe you’re already doing this.

Let’s try to get to the root of the issue, here.

Fylgija · 2021-10-08T15:53:26+00:00

I’m really glad you mentioned this. I have had to realize I need to take mental health breaks from this sub, due to misery porn and posts that provide no value but only reinforce misery.

We should seek to provide posts of value, posts that encourage us to consider our positions and beliefs, and posts that empower us and help us position ourselves for better futures. We should create posts that help us level up, not sink into a scarcity mindset and dwelling on the evils of the world.

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2021-10-08T16:41:10+00:00

Just to put in my own 2 cents but I love this subreddit and it's probably the only real space online where I feel free to express myself. That being said, I've also noticed the heavy amount of content towards male depravity and I think it has been affecting me negatively. I see a lot of comments by other members here saying that they are turned off by men and don't want to date them---which is fine by the way---but personally, I do want to keep dating men and get married eventually. I am just tired of putting up with LVM behavior and want to start cultivating a self-esteem that allows me to interact with more HVM instead. I want to be able to flirt with men lol... I'm not saying in a way that's throwing myself at them, but in a way where I feel so confident in myself where I'm able to interact with men comfortably without necessarily becoming overly attached to them. The point I'm trying to make is that it'd be nice to see some advice posts geared towards that direction too.

Frogspocket · 2021-10-08T16:53:13+00:00

i'm someone who has had posts removed by mods before, but i've learned that there is definitely a method to their madness. i started to understand WHY they delete the things they delete and the reason is really boring and undramatic: it's because the content just doesn't align with the sub. so it doesn't bother me when they delete THOSE posts (including my own). they have an eye for what fits and what doesn't.

the thing that bothers me is when they delete criticisms about the sub instead of just letting us talk it out from time to time. maybe we need some kind of weekly meta thread if there isn't one already? i agree with you completely that we can handle it here. we can critically engage with one another in a healthy way. we've proved over and over again that we stay respectful with each other here while we argue. so as long as we stay aligned with the sub's goals while we critique each other it (and it doesn't spiral out into petty fights) it makes no sense that it's all burried and silenced. very frustrating

coccinellids13 · 2021-10-08T13:00:52+00:00

Thanks for having the guts to say this. I thought of creating a similar post like this especially about the response from the mods but I was afraid of getting banned since yesterday I saw 2 (%100 proved female) activist women get banned because they didn't share the same thoughts with the mods. On one account the mod threatened to ban her and then claimed she was banned for coming after the mods? These people were accused of being misogynistic male trolls coming for the sub and mods even though they were discord-approved accounts.

Due to the painstakingly clear difference of up/downvotes on our comments and their comments, I know we have the majority but it's still useless since mods don't even listen to your complaints or points. Yesterday's events proved this for me :(

cherriesandmilk · 2021-10-08T13:43:32+00:00

Yup I’ve been saying this. This sub is turning into something else, like a caricature of what it once was.

devarah · 2021-10-08T16:39:53+00:00

I would comment more if I wasn’t subjected to a grading system by others which would classify me as fds newbie or pickmeisha depending on my post history/lack thereof or the mods’ opinion of my post, which are both someone else’s grading of my performance.

I am here to be outside of such Patriarchical systems so I just read and upvote.

I remain supportive of all of our posts here because I have found every post useful in some way.

NothingFrosty2517 · 2021-10-08T17:18:20+00:00

I think the root problem is the difficulty of managing growth. I’ve seen the content change over the time I’ve been here too. More meme posts, more man-bashing and negativity. I was thinking of messaging the mods privately so am glad people are bringing it up. I guess they’re aware. I wish them the best, since they’re surely overwhelmed. But I’m hesitant to financially support them because I’m worried this place could turn into something hateful, amplifying too much negativity.

Too much negativity isn’t helpful to people’s dating lives, some even give up hope completely. And it isn’t necessarily helpful strategically either, in the cultural pushback on redpill misogyny.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-10-08T15:48:29+00:00

I love the depraved men posts. I find them really really healing. No one I know IRL has been with anyone as toxic as my ex and no one believes me that it was as bad as I say it was.

Now I know my ex wasn’t an outlier or one of the bad apples, that other women have experienced the same thing.

Yes, it’s depressing to see the true state of manhood, but shielding women from the truth isn’t going to make dating any easier.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-10-08T16:24:26+00:00

The sub is what you make it. Contribute the kind of content you want to see. It takes a long time to write a strategy post so not many people do it. I’ve had an idea for a post for a while and just have not had a large block of time to sit and write. But I think it’s also wrong for anyone to expect a stream of inspired, brilliant strategy content to materialize for free. Be the change you want to see instead of passively complaining and waiting for other people to do the work.

I also don’t think it’s right to expect the mods to delete content (memes and posts pointing out redpill shit) that is on topic, just because you don’t like it. It’s great that you’ve moved beyond that stage and understand these toxic strategies of men but the content is still relevant and helpful to newbies.

wavesandtea · 2021-10-08T13:40:37+00:00

I totally agree with everything you are saying. FDS has helped me realize I was with a narcissist and also gave me the reading list I needed to get out of it...BUT being in FDS is like strolling through a dark negative forest filled with thorns.

The % of posts on PTSD inducing material is very high. We should be aware of what a LVM is but should we really have to scroll through 20 posts of "a scrote did dis and dat" in order to get to the good wholesome content?

FDS taught me to not give power to LVM and not react, sooo....why are 75% of the posts about them? Isn't that giving them power?

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-10-08T13:33:57+00:00

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complex_answer_22 · 2021-10-08T15:34:46+00:00

Yes, and I had to take a break from this sub for a while because of it. A post was made a while ago that it IS a dating sub, and the point is to date men, and weed out the bad ones. For me, that was in direct conflict with all of the content that was being posted. I still agree and align with the basic principles, but I rarely see any actual dating advice. Awareness is great, but continuously reading horror stories was keeping me from dating anyone at all. I feel like if you constantly expect bad things to happen, they're going to happen. It's important to be open to new experiences while also being careful and mindful of red flags.

LysistrataRises · 2021-10-08T15:45:25+00:00

I agree with the sentiment, but I feel that this is a case where the onus is on us to make posts of a more positive nature, if that's the kind of post we want to see more of. And it's hard! It's much easier and more cathartic to retread the same "look at these terrible men, stay vigilant" content, and it serves an important function, especially for newcomers.

Can all of us that want more positive content go ahead and try to contribute that positive content over the next week?

AJLake80 · 2021-10-08T15:50:29+00:00

I referred a friend to FDS who was having a dating dilemma. She posted a very personal story that was difficult for her to talk about publicly and some questions. She was immediately blasted by one of the mods and banned from the sub. I felt so guilty for sending her to FDS. We have spoken very little since then.

Onextto0 · 2021-10-08T16:22:48+00:00

Isn’t there a low effort type ban on certian posts? I do think there are many many shitty posts that bring no value. However if you want better quality posts you should def start visiting the website.

scorchedsouI · 2021-10-08T16:48:44+00:00

This is the result of there being too few female-centric spaces. FDS, the one that is allowed to exist, deviates from its original purpose because women who aren't that interest in dating but more interested in analysing general male depravity flock to it. There's no other space on Reddit to post stuff like that and have a lot of women engage and discuss without unwanted males screeching in the comments.

thewetdog_ · 2021-10-09T13:15:37+00:00

I agree with critical discussion being necessary and healthy. However, the recent drama start s with someone posting a weak meme dissing the hosts and shaming the entire sub, for having Elle on the podcast. If there were grievances about the podcast, the best place for everyone to talk about it would have been the podcast post. But turning against the sub and making these broad character assertions about the hosts, mods and sub itself is hardly constructive, it’s just provocative.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-10-08T14:50:43+00:00

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taylor232424 · 2021-10-08T15:37:52+00:00

At times I feel like this sub went from dating strategies to women being shamed for DESIRING to be in relationships. I’m sorry is this not a sub for people who Desire to date?

2021-10-08T15:04:03+00:00

Lead by example and create more content you want to see. Everyone is going through different things on different days and if you think that there are too many shit posts, then make the posts you like and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

menina2017 · 2021-10-08T15:41:54+00:00

I don’t have the answers. I’ve had some posts deleted too. Maybe I’ve posted the wrong things. if so, I apologize.

I have this really hilarious TikTok that I’ve been wanting to post. It’s a woman getting ready for a date and she has excellent comedic timing. She’s just joking about how horrible dating men is. It’s light hearted and cute but I don’t want it to get deleted lol. Anyway sending you hugs.

lightcobaltblue · 2021-10-08T17:37:20+00:00

I see others here criticizing the negativity and I get that. Maybe it has to change. But for me personally, it seems to be helpful. Because although I left my ex for good about two months ago and I know it was the right decision I sometimes find myself thinking about something positive about him and begin to miss him. And then I read in the sub and I come across a lot of behaviour from men that's really unacceptable and he displayed almost all of it. It helps me to see it.

2021-10-08T17:55:53+00:00

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oscine23 · 2021-10-08T14:29:58+00:00

A post of mine was deleted too when I shared a story about someone I had dated and wanted genuine advice. The kids deleted it and didn’t respond when I inquired as to why, if I did something wrong. It legit hurt my feelings and pissed me off.

SkiesEclipse · 2021-10-08T16:32:58+00:00

I think one thing you have to think about, is that the patriarchy, and individual men in our lives have gaslit women to become accustomed to certain behaviours. Behaviours that only benefit men, and when women raise their voices in protest, we have been shamed and blamed for wanting a very basic level of respect.

Things like a men showing us respect, listening to us, sharing household duties, giving us commitment and monogamy, or having a normal sex life. Compound this by the fact that there are more people on Reddit who actively espouse that FDS is a hate group, which actively turns many women away from the sub.

My point is, posts showing male depravity ARE negative, because male depravity IS negative. But it is very necessary to deprogram women to the gaslighting they’ve experienced. And for male lurkers who think our philosophy is so wild, and our ideas crazy? We need to continually show proof of the deranged shit that we’re up against out there, and why exactly we have this philosophy in the first place.

I for one, appreciate these posts, because on this subreddit it may seem like the posts are overkill or an echo chamber, but once I leave this community and go about my day to day life in the real world, it’s the exact opposite messaging. I come here to feel like I’m not crazy because I set a boundary with a man. I come here, when a guy ghosts me, and everyone in my life tells me I’m being stuck up for not going out with him again once he comes back.

And I’ll agree on one thing. I do think sometimes the negativity can be a bit much if you spend a lot of time on the sub. But in instances where it becomes too much, I just take a break. And that suits me fine.

If you’re looking for strategies, I would advise you to look at the handbook. It’s not the only place on the sub for it mind you, but I think most women who frequent this sub haven’t read it, and it has some great information.

This sub is specifically for dating, however there is FDSLevelUpStrategy for talking about strategies not related to men, and AskFDS for specific dating advice. My only critique, is I wish those subs had more people, and more activity, because their just as great as the main sub.

SupermarketObvious92 · 2021-10-08T15:57:06+00:00

Just chiming in with my two cents: I love this sub and I think the mods do an amazing job given the shit they probably have to wade through on a daily basis.

That said, I do have to take regular breaks from the sub because some of the content is so negative it makes me anxious. Last year when the pandemic struck hard, I also ignored a lot of the news and limited it to once a day. It’s good to be informed but too much news about the sick, dead, and the hospitals running over gave me chest pain.

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-10-08T14:49:06+00:00

I can understand posting a news story or screenshot if you also have something to say about it. Then the screenshot is just a visual for the point you’re making. But simply reposting a screenshot is a bit low effort. I think the mods established meme-free Monday to combat these kind of posts, but maybe we also need a high-effort only day as well.

Btw, what ever happened to fine af Friday?

Tharwaum · 2021-10-08T11:39:39+00:00

“Many people said they often take breaks from FDS because this content is too negative and they need a break from it.”

I need to take breaks from content not related to women’s issues that I follow as well. Does not mean that I want that content not to be on the source when I am ready to watch it (or for others to watch). I don’t always feel like clicking every post but this doesn’t mean I want the content to change or be reduced.

I do not mind at all the red pill posts, they are funny, directly prove fds “points,” and this is the only place I really see that kind of thing so it’s educational.

sleepysiri · 2021-10-08T15:06:31+00:00

FDS isn’t going to be perfect. I understand that some posts might trigger women, but this is Reddit, this is the outside world. One should work on themselves to the point that external triggers do not affect them to a detrimental level.

The outside world, Reddit and FDS cannot and does not coddle people. This is a resource for invaluable information. No it’s run by women for women. It’s not run by divine beings who have the power to cater to everyone’s whims. They are trying their best and doing their best.

I understand feeling triggered and pained. I understand that this feels like a safe space and to allow certain content onto it feels like this safe space is being tainted. I truly do. But I also feel that it is extremely entitled and in poor taste to ask or demand or expect this sub or any sub to cater to an individual’s needs and wants.

This is an open platform. To say, “I don’t like X, Y and Z so can you please change,” is very, very strange to me, and ungrateful, and even a little self-absorbed.

This sub is an open resource with mountains of precious information that regularly saves women’s lives. The women that run it are troopers honestly.

I don’t agree with many things in many subs. But I don’t go all gung-ho and post to them asking that they change specifically for my needs.

The world is filled with many triggering things, the only thing we have the power to do is build ourselves some armour, practise some healthy coping mechanisms and deal with it.

swatir24 · 2021-10-08T14:52:34+00:00

The sub is growing fast and with the kind of volume it sees now, it's rather natural that there will be a lot of low quality content. I'd honestly prefer seeing it grow and reach many more women than keep it a tight-knit community, so I don't mind the low quality posts.

That being said, not everyone who visits the sub will read the wiki or get a foundational understanding of FDS principles. When I came here first, I'd just spend time browsing the top posts because that was the extent of my investment in FDS back then. It is new joinees like these that will be drawn to the low effort memes or Tik Tok content and if that kind of content keeps them around, encourages them to read more on FDS and changes their outlook towards dating, I think it's a win-win for us.

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LizzoSaidTruthHurts · 2021-10-08T12:22:26+00:00

I don’t understand why people don’t just scroll past the content they don’t want to engage with. There are enough people who do want to see the memes and who do want to laugh, so why can’t there be space for that?

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-10-08T11:46:56+00:00

Dude, you don't even post any content in this sub. Why are you complaining/ You can't complain about what gets engaged in a sub and then do absolutely nothing to have the content you want to see posted in the sub.

OrganicMasonJars · 2021-10-08T13:32:21+00:00

I think that one reason for the low-effort memes is because it's so difficult to get flaired. I was told in a sister sub that you're more likely to get flaired by making posts instead of commenting, so people are mostly likely just spamming up the post queue with everything and anything until something sticks.

I'm not even sure my comment will make it through, given that I'm still unflaired myself, hah.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2021-10-08T14:51:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Lucid_for_a_Day · 2021-10-08T14:58:08+00:00

I do believe we should be conscious in the culture we are creating but I disagree with your assertion that those type of post are only no effort point grabs.

I see them as informative. Not everyone is at the same point in their journey as you may be. When I first joined about a year ago I found these types of post eye opening and the discussions that formed around them comforting. Yes some of them are triggering to me as well but it’s my choice if I want to spend time on them or not. Learning to regulate our emotions and navigate things that trigger us is part of the level up process. It brings growth.

To me a lot of FDS is reconditioning. And those serve as reminders of why I stay the path when it becomes hard or lonely.

At the same time I don’t think posts like yours should be removed either.

Outrageous-Bat2472 · 2021-10-08T15:32:18+00:00

Well my comment will be removed like all my others probably. I agree. I take breaks too. I’m no longer dating and found a HVM, after married 20 years to LVM… but my advice and comments never make it past my “fake” account being new… so feel like it’s pointless to even attempt to pass along what advice I have.

2021-10-09T00:26:22+00:00

With respect to the OP, I have mixed feelings about this.

Some women here may need what appears to be "gratuitous posts" about male depravity. Perhaps such posts should have a distinct flair to them or some type of mark that sets them apart so that they can be easily distinguished from anecdotal posts or questions about male behavior, and therefore can be more easily avoided by women who don't want to open them. I don't have a specific solution, but maybe the mods are more creative than me on this.

A lot of posts here can run the risk of causing women to not want to date any men no matter what; it is kind of causing me to do this, but at the same time, there are things about male depravity that I would never have learned if I had not come across such "gratuitous posts" in this sub. I guess I'll call it a necessary evil.

Sewud · 2021-10-09T14:48:18+00:00

This is still Reddit, people will have different ideas, and the content will reflect what the users feel like posting. It's also possible that any community devolves into memes because people like to be entertained. I think when people link to other internet content it's mostly to make fun of how low the bar is for men.

Title	This post will probably be removed.
Author	PlusHunt
Upvotes	1626
Comments	151
Date	October 8, 2021 10:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q3vdnl/this_post_will_probably_be_removed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-post-will-probably-be-removed.1076739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1076739

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