Why this misconception that less attractive men will treat women better?

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-07-24T19:56:39+00:00

Because the theory is that a man who is barely lucky enough to have a GF in the first place will value her unconditionally and do everything in his power to keep her happy.

I can understand why people would think that, or at least want to. Is that how it actually works in practice? No.

wtknight · 2022-07-24T19:30:17+00:00

Attractive men have many options, it's true and most of them are already taken before the age of 30 (at least in my circle of friends), but in my experience handsome men tend to treat me better, men with high status treated me better.

If an attractive man is treating a woman better by giving her the type of monogamous relationship that she wants, then she's probably an attractive woman, and he's her attractiveness match. The idea that attractive men are going to treat less attractive women worse comes from the idea that more attractive men are just going to use less attractive women for sex and plate them at best or pump and dump them at worst.

kaiden08 · 2022-07-24T21:34:57+00:00

I think men unsuccessful in dating fall behind in social and emotional development at times and it leads to them lashing out and becoming bitter. Perhaps if these men had been more successful at an earlier opportunity they would have kept pace developmentally, but they fall behind and become angry about this while stagnating in their social and emotional development

anon018274031 · 2022-07-24T19:27:52+00:00

I don’t think women think they will 100% treat them better. I think it’s just a bit of hope that they won’t run off at the first sight of another options, because there won’t be one (or at least not a better one).

todo_pasa_ · 2022-07-24T19:27:41+00:00

I think the logic is "if he's desperate he'll treat her better"

And I can assure you the men who say this haven't actually dated unattractive men.

Having low self esteem can make them jealous, angry, insecure, etc. Those traits affect a relationship. Also being desperate is not sexy.

Barneysparky · 2022-07-24T19:25:46+00:00

The guys here believe that Chad treats women badly and that if they had a girlfriend she would be better treated by them, than the thug they imagine.

In the real world, where people who go out into it live we see perfectly normal people coupling up. Not alpha and beta nonsense.

The vast majority of guys with options had a high school girlfriend, sowed their oats in college a bit then either met their future wife there or shortly after, after dating a few people and figuring out what they want from their lives.

Meanwhile, pill guys are treating dating like a video game that they can master without actually doing it. Or if they do date, it's to rack up points, not find the gal they want to spend their lives with.

Sigma1979 · 2022-07-24T19:53:02+00:00

Where does it come from?

Logic? Science? Not being an insanely stupid bluepiller?:

https://www.mandatory.com/living/1321953-study-finds-women-happier-less-attractive-men

The study featured 113 newly married couples, with the average age being in the late 20s. The couples were then rated on their attractiveness by evaluators from Southern Methodist University and Florida State University. And what did they find? The found out that if the dude isn’t all that in the hot radar then he is more likely to do all he can to please his lady (so she doesn’t leave him). And that includes getting her gifts, having pride in his own looks, doing chores and going all out in the bedroom.

And all that makes his partner happier of course.

“The husbands seemed to be basically more committed, more invested in pleasing their wives when they felt that they were getting a pretty good deal,” the study reads.

Although when evaluators rated the men more attractive than the lass attractive ones, they discovered that the pressure women felt led to activities that had a negative impact on their lives — and that’s because women would try diets, loads of exercise and other crazy measures in order to keep up with their attractive partner.

“The results reveal that having a physically attractive husband may have negative consequences for wives, especially if those wives are not particularly attractive,” researcher Tania Reynolds said. “The research suggests there might be social factors playing a role in women’s disordered eating.”

I'm chuckling at the fact that so many ppd morons in this thread think the opposite tough... it's about supply and demand... a good looking man doesn't have to treat a woman right because he's in such high demand that he doesn't have to put in effort into a relationship. An ugly man who gets a good looking woman has a high incentive to treat her right. A billionaire who finds a $1 million dollar winning lottery ticket on the street isn't really going to care all that much. A poor guy is going to hyperventilate and will pinch himself to make sure he isn't dreaming at his luck. This is basic logic.

06534956 · 2022-07-24T19:46:14+00:00

Unattractive guys don’t have many options, so when they are able to get a woman, they tend to want to keep her.

This is true of most men, imo. Guys know how much time/effort/energy goes into wooing a woman so when they have one, they tend to treat them pretty well.

This is talking about relationships and not just hookups.

huhwhatokok · 2022-07-24T19:41:50+00:00

Halo effect basically. This is well documented in studies. Basically, Chad and a less attractive guy can treat you the same but you’ll perceive Chad as treating you better because he’s more attractive.

ruboyuri · 2022-07-25T02:57:40+00:00

It comes from less attractive men, that’s why

Everyone is the virtuous hero of their own story

Youngrazzy · 2022-07-24T20:16:17+00:00

Men that have issue getting women tend to Treat the first woman they get good.

JoeRMD77 · 2022-07-24T20:59:39+00:00

People need to remember that 5'8 portly Italian guys like me have lucked more than anyone thinks or would ever bet on.

Of course, we're going to have inflated egos but I notice most women are even worse after they've slept with someone they consider attractive and then set their new standard, so.

Who really has the inflated ego? At least for a 5 like me, it's attractive - not so much for my equivalent. She should be lucky I even messaged her because I've tapped way hotter outside of the apps.

But yeah, too many hot women validated guys like me not for my physical appearance but for my ability to socialize with them harmoniously and form an emotional connection with them. These weren't shallow women and they certainly didn't have egos themselves.

Of course, I have much better luck getting to know a woman first and forming friendships that turn into more, like most men, than luck on the apps.

In the end, a lot of these women can't tell the difference between confidence and ego or just don't care. Besides, there's plenty of egotistical men who're happy and married.

Most women are just fine with a man who talks gud' about himself and that's the cold hard truth, be it confident or egotistical.

I show posts to my friends sometimes and their response is "big dick energy", not ego. But I guess you can call it whatever you'd like... or maybe it's just confidence because I think I'm good enough for most women and know I am - at least that's the program my brain runs on it and nothing can derail it because of the validation I received in the past.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2022-07-24T22:38:50+00:00

It comes from the fact that less attractive guys get less chances and they tend to value the opportunities they have with women. They want to keep women around because they don't attract too many in the first place.

It only makes sense if you just take a moment to think about it.

Why would an unattractive guy pump and dump when it could take years for him to find another woman who would fuck him?

That would make absolutely no sense.

You can also be less attractive and have high status.

tired_hillbilly · 2022-07-24T20:07:12+00:00

in my experience handsome men tend to treat me better

Halo effect. You see a handsome guy treating you one way as positive, while an ugly guy treating you the same way is a negative.

I have an analogy for you. I admit it's a little far out there, but bear with me. Purebred dogs often have horrible health conditions and short lifespans. German shepards tend to get fucked up hips and spines. Pugs and other bracycephalic dogs have fucked up breathing. Dobermans have heart problems. Great Danes have seizures. Breeders are so focused on making aesthetically perfect dogs, where "perfect" is all superficial shit defined by dog pageant rules, that they ignore the health of the dogs. It's not that they are trying to breed unhealthy dogs, it's that they filter only for aesthetics, and some unhealthy dogs match the aesthetics they're going for, at least until they die in agony at 7yo.

This is what women are doing when they focus on looks first. They don't filter out any physically attractive, bad personality guys; but they do filter out physically unattractive, good personality guys. What's worse, due again to the halo effect and sunk cost fallacy, women often get stuck with those bad personality guys way longer than they should. Those purebred dogs I mentioned can be scientifically proven to be unhealthy; no matter how aesthetically pleasing some Great Dane is, the epilepsy will show up on an MRI. There is no dirtbag-detecting MRI.

I don't think physically unattractive guys are inherently more likely to treat a woman better than a physically attractive guy. But women are less likely to realize they're being mistreated by a physically attractive guy than an unattractive guy. So they'll suffer more abuse from an attractive dirtbag than an unattractive dirtbag. This isn't good for anyone, the woman takes abuse she doesn't deserve, and some unattractive-but-good guy is alone. Well I guess the abuser likes that outcome, but that doesn't seem like a good thing to me.

fnonpm · 2022-07-24T19:27:02+00:00

Less attractive men are behind in experiences by decades

It's sort of a coping mechanism that makes them out to be a hero in their head since they're alone for a majority of the time

It gets really sad with the cruelties of nature but hopefully the human experience gets better with new technology

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-07-24T19:49:47+00:00

They won’t. They will vent all of their rage and frustration at getting ignored by women at the one woman they could find to give him attention.

sarkington · 2022-07-24T20:30:31+00:00

Because some (many?) people think transactionally

jonathan88876 · 2022-07-24T20:48:47+00:00

Attractive men aren’t any more assholes on the inside but if they are assholes, they can get away with it

BitsAndBobs304 · 2022-07-24T22:30:55+00:00

for the same reason that if a human were to be superman/homelander, he'd turn into a psycopath.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-07-24T23:00:50+00:00

Attractive men have many options, it's true and most of them are already taken before the age of 30 (at least in my circle of friends), but in my experience handsome men tend to treat me better, men with high status treated me better.

I actually notice that guys with options who take it - guys that get lavished attention, have heaps of sex - they don't settle down, until their SMV is sliding.

Whereas guys who don't play around so much settle down sooner.

warramite · 2022-07-24T19:48:22+00:00

Why this misconception that less attractive men will treat women better?

Reality is Chads have same distribution of assholes and abusers that Normal Men do.. but women and even men delude themselves otherwise due to Just World Fallacy and Chad is Wonderful Effect

Niceness isn't a factor in sexual or romantic attractiveness, If a woman sees many women calling you attractive and a good person she will fall in line with the pack and find you attractive as well, even if you tell or show her things that show the opposite

You could be convicted of Child Molestation or Murder, but if you're popular/good looking you'll never lack women

"I want to choke a women in bed, seeing them lose their breath makes me hard as fuck"

If a popular well known guy in her community tells her that she'll say

"I've never done that before"

If he says "Come on.. just do it for me baby"

She'll agree because she wants his approval and is turned on by thought of a powerful, well respected man's dominance

If some loser incel says it, she may call the police in fear or ask some Chads she knows to beat him up for "being a rapist"

Chad and ugly men treat women the same, but women perceive it as being worse due to Halo Effect

Hygiene is also pretty low on the list, if it wasn't we wouldn't have women complaining about their BF's not wiping their asses but we do.. yet they're still dating 🙌

heartheartdoki96 · 2022-07-24T19:27:56+00:00

Because red pill and dudes like that like to claim they'd be good partners ans they're only single because women are shallow assholes. If women jusy lowered their standards, these red pill dudes would make them so happy. Except they don't think women's happiness is important because they see women as overgrown kids who need controlled and can't take care of themselves properly. But they'd be gold partners, better than Chad lolol

DreJ-X · 2022-07-24T19:47:31+00:00

Because ugly guys get friend zoned and become her emotional tampon.

He has to listen as she talks about what an asshole her current boyfriend is and how she wishes she could find a nice guy like him.

These ugly men are so confused thinking, I'M RIGHT FUCKING HERE!! Why do women only go for assholes and not nice guys like me, even though they say they want a nice guy like me?

Note that the definition of asshole for a woman= guy that doesn't jump at my every whim and give me whatever I want and isn't a pushover.

dysonRing · 2022-07-24T19:52:44+00:00

As a man that is friends with other Chads it is true, but also the same for my unattractive friends.

In short I can vet, women can't vet, ergo the sociological disaster we are witnessing, women's predilection for serial killers, dark triad, drug dealers, dictators etc, is making the world a worse place because they can't simply think logically, it is all tingles.

wrathofkalima · 2022-07-24T19:59:35+00:00

I agree. Ugly men have always been the worse option for me. Horrible personalities. It’s not the halo effect, they were generally insecure pieces of shit. It’s about rooting for the under dog. Society pretends that ugly, poor, disabled etc are better people than privileged members of society. Under privileged people can sometimes be so bitter and mean. That’s what I find with ugly guys. They always tried to bring me down because they felt I was more attractive than them and could leave them.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-07-24T20:20:35+00:00

Women believe the reverse misconception, that attractive men can't rape or be violent.

Everyone knows the studies on attractiveness vs perceived trustworthiness.

vorter · 2022-07-24T20:37:17+00:00

Not necessarily treat better, but more likely to commit and take seriously. More attractive guys also get more leeway/chances with bad behavior, but yeah I’d say assholes are evenly distributed across all levels of attractiveness.

SoftAd6291 · 2022-07-24T20:49:20+00:00

I’ve heard the opposite. A lot of girls don’t like dating guys “below them” because it boost their ego. “Oh if I can get a hot girl like what I can get a hotter girl” and they can start to treat the girl shitty.

This is the case for very very insecure men with big egos

caption291 · 2022-07-24T21:42:35+00:00

Halfway trough highschool a tall and attractive guy beat his girlfriend. The other didn't have one but was ugly and a little bit autistic.

Which one do you think the girls were scared of???

The halo effect is much stronger than people believe.

DreJ-X · 2022-07-24T19:44:05+00:00

But for what ive read, unattractive (men and women) are more likely to have bad and bitter personalities since ppl treat them that way so they give away what they get away. Atractive ppl seem to be more friendly and charming since they have recieved a better fedback because of halo effect. I

Perhaps what they wanted to say is that the "chad" isnt faithfull since he has a lot of options where to chose from?

Spinning4plates · 2022-07-24T19:44:47+00:00

So women are terrible at vetting for men.

They consistently choose men who are narcissistic, abusive, controlling etc etc. (I know I know victim blaming, but like you're not babies you're adults come on)

The reason that this is the case is because when a woman gets the tingles or the spark she gets rose tinted glasses. Every red flag looks like everything else when the world's tinted in rose.

The men are saying that objectively speaking it's pretty obvious which male is which over a long enough time scale.

So what women should do to vet better is keep their objectivity by ignoring their initial attraction and vetting men over a long period of time who seem good on paper.

Ignore chad, he's probably bad for you and if he were you'd be too infatuated to notice.

Chads aren't any less likely or more likely to abuse you, you're just more likely to ignore his red flags than you are less attractive men.

also u/mrs_drgree this should be a CMV post tbh.

AreOut · 2022-07-24T19:25:54+00:00

it doesn't mean they WILL treat women better, it means there is a HIGHER CHANCE they will treat women better, because SOME of them will be thankful a woman gave them attention

neolib-cowboy · 2022-07-24T20:40:23+00:00

I'm pretty sure that misconception began based on the interactions some men had with women where the woman would say "Why do I keep dating all these jerks (chads/athletes), why can I just have a nice guy like you," or, "I think you're a nice guy, but I'm just not that into you." So a lot of people got the idea that nice guys finish last (debatable) and therefore, assholes finish first, and therefore ugly guys are "nice guys" and attractive guys are "assholes."

Nigglesscripts · 2022-07-24T22:25:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-07-24T23:49:13+00:00

I always felt that unattractive men would treat women better because of their desire for companionship and their lack of options. Attractive men can also treat women better if they want, but with the idea of having more of an abundance of options, they have lesser of an incentive to unless he desires to build more with a particular woman.

urbangoth · 2022-07-25T00:30:40+00:00

Tbh I never thought this. In my experience and in perceiving other women's experiences, the less attractive (physically, emotionally, or otherwise) a guy is, the more likely he is to mistreat you because he feels constantly concerned you're going to leave him, or is vengeful because of how many people regard him. Attractive men have always seemed to treat women better. They've never employed petty or manipulative tactics to make me want them—arguably, they don't "need" to.

The "hot guys are jerks" has never been my experience. All the guys who have been mean to me or others are fairly "ugly". I had one unattractive guy try to physically corner me in my own dorm to try to coerce me into sex when we were just casually talking, and only backed off when I physically shoved him and told him I wasn't scared of him. Maybe he thought being "dominant" was supposed to be attractive, but it was outright rapey behavior where he was trying to block me from being able to leave and verbally telling me we were going to bang. That's gross from ANYONE. But I've never had a good looking man try that.

Most guys I find attractive have, if anything, been very polite and respectful, even to the point of self-deprecation at times, which I don't understand, but is the case. Most of them wanted stable relationships and to date, probably because they were tired of hookups and had seen/had enough of temporary engagements.

Scarypaperplates · 2022-07-25T01:10:43+00:00

From other men. I've only heard this from guys who complain about "chad" and say that good looking men will treat women badly and that its womens fault for wanting chad. The experiences of friends in this shows the opposite irl. I also fell for this meme when I was very young and naive.

OddPreparation3247 · 2022-07-25T10:08:12+00:00

When it comes to personality, unattractive can mean emotionalimmaturity,

It can. People come with various personalities. But from my lived experience unattractive people need to mature emotionally fast to survive in social context. You need to be very aware and emphatetic to other people if you are unattractive. you spend more time considering other people's emotions, beliefs, desires. And you need to be better at setting boundaries and spotting manipulation because many people will try to use your ugliness to gain sth. And you need to become better at regulating your own emotional state because there is not much positive reinforcement from outside. Attractive guys don't bother because there is no need. Their emotional awareness is like an atrophied muscle. Everything they say is interpreted as positive, funny or insightful.

lack of confidence in hard times,

After many years on this planet I rarely go to a "tall Chad" for help. On encountering any obstacle they tend to crumble and quit. And when they do, they become toxic and defeatist, poisoning the whole group - you know this type of a cool kid who can't be bothered to do anything hard. When hard times are comming find a short, ugly mfer and earn his respect. They make best most reliable friends if you are genuine and decent. They save the day on a regular basis with a smile :)

laziness,

Not my experience. And I've seen a lot of good looking men leeching off their wives/gfs.

poor at communication, not good at giving affection, etc.

Yeah, yeah, we get it.

Idk if this is an American thing. Some kind of post-Calvinist ethics? If a guy is good-looking and rich he HAS TO be good, mature and chosen by god etc.? It seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You exclude ugly people from a fulfilling life and then push them into isolation so that they become emotionally and socially stunted. And then you bitch about them. You live in an eternal highschool with bullies, nerds, cheerleaders, goths etc.

So where does this misconception come from that the less attractive men actually treat women better?

Perhaps it comes from a, in my opinion correct, belief that conventionally unattractive people tend to be better people overall. They are easier to talk to, have more understanding for your flaws and weaknesses, they tend to have genuine compassion for others. Best years of my life were in relationships with women who were considered not hot, below average etc. And those women were beautiful to me with all their physical flaws and insecurities.They are wonderful people. My female friends who married ugly or short guys are happy too. Those are also the couples that are most fun to be around. Good people will find other good people beautiful. But if you obsess over hotness and inches and income and round asses then you will never be happy. You will live in constant fear, calculating if the guy that is about to screw you over, is hot enough for you to cope.

kayama57 · 2022-07-25T11:37:32+00:00

Unattractive men should allegedly have a harder time cheating. This is the best I can come up with

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-07-25T23:11:34+00:00

It's the same thing with someone attractive must be mean or less intelligent or possess some negative trait to balance out their physical beauty. I don't know exactly when this became popularized but I remember it being big when I was growing up.

The ugly or shy or losery guy will "treat her better" rather than her "hot" boyfriend who is a jock or a leather jacket wearing cheater or something. See a fuck load of movies between the 1980s and early 2000s.

ScarAdvanced9562 · 2022-07-24T19:21:31+00:00

When you read history, you study history, you realize that both men can treat women like trash.

Yes, both of those men can treat women like trash, but if women keep going to said trash, maybe she’s a garbage truck

GottaPSoBad · 2022-07-24T20:09:00+00:00

Why this misconception that less attractive men will treat women better?

What does "less attractive" mean? Sounds kinda nebulous.

When it comes to personality, unattractive can mean emotional immaturity, lack of confidence in hard times, laziness, poor at communication, not good at giving affection, etc.

Sure. And a woman who's a 4 or lower in attractiveness can often have a lot of these same qualities. "Unattractive" is a synonym for "ugly." That's not necessarily the same as "less attractive." Also, what about just normal, average guys?

When it comes to physical attractiveness, unkempt facial hair, bad grooming, poor hygiene (eyebrows, teeth and nails), too fat or

All rough, I agree.

too skinny

Now you lost me. I think this is where we go from having a reasonable criteria or fair standards to just being too picky. Not even about skinny guys specifically, but when you say "not fat and not skinny" you basically indicate a pretty narrow window of acceptability. Is that reasonable? How do you stack up to your own criteria?

inappropriate clothing for their age, etc.

I'll be the first to call out men for being shitty dressers, but this just feels like another nitpick coming from you now.

in my experience handsome men tend to treat me better, men with high status treated me better.

Than what? Sounds like you're comparing two opposite extremes. Have you ever dated a normal guy who was just...not perfect and also not a basement dweller?

m0rbidowl · 2022-07-24T20:28:06+00:00

It makes no difference and is such a dumb myth. I've been treated like garbage by ugly men and treated like a queen by attractive men. I think this is a myth created by incels who say things like "WhY dO wOmEn Go FoR tHe ChAdS aNd LeAvE tHe NiCe GuYs BeHiNd".

gofigure62 · 2022-07-24T21:55:22+00:00

It's a narrative that unattractive men use to make themselves superior to attractive men.

All men are capable of being shitty people/partners hetero or homo.

A shit man is a shit man, looks be damned.

I've had plenty of friends hetero and homo be dogged out and treated like shit by extremely unfortunately looking men.

Most of the time, ugly men are worse because they're holding years/decades of resentment for heing rejected. So anyone who gives them a "chance" is going to be treated like a punching bag and helf accountable for everyone who rejected the beforehand.

It's best not to gice uglies a chance. They're not better people. Typically they're worse because of their resentment and mental illness developed over their percieved slights regarding their physical appearance.

Paranoidexboyfriend · 2022-07-24T20:35:37+00:00

Less attractive men have fewer or no other options. People with no options get desperate to hang on to mates, especially attractive ones, so they will bend over backwards to keep the few they can get. Especially if that mate is way better than anyone else they have a shot with.

NyahFriday · 2022-07-24T22:26:47+00:00

Just the idea that if you're less attractive you get less opportunities so you're more likely to treat each opportunity/woman with more attention, respect, etc bc you'll value them more.

Catherine772023 · 2022-07-24T20:56:08+00:00

I think the incel community cleared that assumption up. It’s over.

LegitimateGlad · 2022-07-24T19:24:43+00:00

It's just normal blue pilled shit advice, just how less attractive women will be more loyal, not a whore, or "house wife" for a man.

Edit: I will add that since a good portion of guys are struggling they will simp really hard for her since someone finally gave him attention/relationship.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-07-24T19:53:04+00:00

From men saying it.

jackedsoon · 2022-07-24T19:54:44+00:00

i heard it from other women. lots date less attractive guys cuz their experience with hot guys was bad and think theyll get treated better and wont get cheated on.. lol

poppy_blu · 2022-07-24T19:59:16+00:00

Oh goody, another man here to tell woman we’re wrong about how we’re treated by men.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-07-24T23:42:00+00:00

I agree. I find that the rejects are not rejects because of looks but what they did not do with those looks, they barely take care of themselves, are overweight and under-exercised, often suffering from bitterness and a sense of entitlement towards women.

2022-07-25T10:41:38+00:00

your right woman, should just date the top 20% of men.

surely this will not have any negative consequences..

801735 · 2022-07-24T19:29:16+00:00

So where does this misconception come from that the less attractive men actually treat women better?

From your imagination.

The bin is attracted to trash because it knows it stinks and the garbage bag won't mind the flies.

If you want to dial it up to 15/10, sprinkle the romantic fantasy with him actually having standards and expectations and her having to literally perform consistently IRL in measurable capacity. "Ewwww.", right? Riiiight.

Just for the record, I haven't been hurt. LOL

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One_Appointment_1727 · 2022-07-24T21:49:56+00:00

I’m an attractive woman. Not a model, but above average. When I first started dating I believed that men will use any woman for sex, but commitment meant that a man really cared about you. In part I think I was projecting my own high standards for a relationship onto men, if I don’t really love someone I’m not going to be in a long term relationship with them. And when I love someone, that it, they’re my person & I wouldn’t trade them for anyone.

But what I’ve realized is that many men will settle to avoid being single. Just because a man wants a relationship with you doesn’t mean he loves you. For this reason, I do think choosing a man with a lot of options can be smart. You know he actually wants you. That being said, looks are not a good indicator at all of what kind of person someone is. You can tell that from their personality.

herbb100 · 2022-07-24T22:14:08+00:00

Simple it's demand and supply.

The9thElement · 2022-07-24T22:30:23+00:00

DGMR Ugly guys do pump and dump women because that’s men for you but ugly guys are more likely to treat a woman better because they know she can’t be easily replaced.

Rook_Cross · 2022-07-24T23:06:30+00:00

I think men push this idea themselves, "I would treat her better". But women also think, "Well he's desperate so he wouldn't try anything, he would be thankful". Someone being attractive or unattractive doesn't mean they will or won't have serious personality flaws. Often times unattractive ones have chips on their shoulders and attractive ones can be arrogant. It depends. But i would generally agree that the more attractive are more well adjusted than the lesser attractive and treat women better. It's not just experience either. I think it might be the "hurt people, hurt people" kind of thing.

Ghost_Boy24 · 2022-07-24T23:28:08+00:00

It’s who you wanna make babies with? Good genes are attractive, and desired to be passed on.

M_LaSalle · 2022-07-25T00:12:16+00:00

Attractive men don't treat women better, but they are attractive, so they are perceived as treating women better. A woman with an attractive man is being treated better because she's with an attractive man. Being attractive, he's also funnier, and more interesting, and more sympathetic and understanding. Attractiveness has a way of doing that.

tonyghow · 2022-07-25T00:42:10+00:00

I thought women claimed that they don’t always go for 6’2” Chads— that they go for average attractive men all the time as long as they make up for their lack of physical attributes in other ways (confidence, charm, wit, humor, etc). Money being a separate beast since it’s not a personality trait.

It follows that less attractive men (must) have better personalities in order to even be considered. And that Chads don’t need to have much of one since they use their SMV stature as a crutch. Of course women would prefer both attractive and great personality, but those are the unicorn men.

Unless a man can be attractive, have a great personality, and treat a woman badly? Is it a separate concept?

Also, what happened to women saying that Chads are more likely to pump and dump since those men think they don’t need to restrict themselves to one woman? Are women also getting pumped and dumped by ugly dudes?

These claims are all over the place. The only thing that remains is that all men are trash. Yet another feminist claim.

memelordzarif · 2022-07-25T00:47:17+00:00

Well now that I think of it, there’s a fair bit of reasoning to it. Its harder for a less attractive guy to get a girl and that’s why they want to keep any girl he finds. Well that’s the general idea but there certainly are exceptions. I get why a less attractive guy would treat you better but not why he’d dump you. It’s the exact opposite for a chad. He has more options and they can pump and dump anyone anytime because there’s always someone in line to get with him. So they are expected to treat women worse because they have a lot of options.

Redditcritic6666 · 2022-07-25T00:48:54+00:00

It's the reverse: people believe that attractive men treats women like crap because these attractive men are "players" and uses their attractiveness to play the field.

In realty there's a lot of nuiance and false preception. What's actually happening is that attractive men have more options and therefore 1) holds more power and sway in the relationship... which equates to treating women worse then these "Queens" deserve and 2) a bit of survivalship bias in which more attractive men who wants to settle down early and will do so, leaving the attractive men who wants to play the field a bit more promenant and because women interact with those men more often, it gives all attractive men a bad rep.

So the conclusion is that attractiveness really has no bearing on how they'll treat their women. There are also less attractive men who treat women like crap :i.e. actual incels, or just doesn't know how to "treat a women" because they have little to none experience with women and therefore just lack the knowledge on how to "treat a women". There are certainly less attractive men who will treat women better because of multiple reasons including just lacking options or bargining power, or just personal experience and upbringing. There are attractive men who treats women like crap because they can, and there are attractive men who treat women very well.. and their significant other is wise to not say too much because of mate guarding.

alchemist10000 · 2022-07-25T01:05:20+00:00

I wonder if OP would apply this same phenomenon to finances too. That poor people aren't necessarily nicer and kinder than rich people, and that there are rich people who are great human beings, and poor people who are nasty, a phenomenon that I have found to be true. As opposed to the widespread belief that rich people are assholes and poor people are wholesome souls.

Just saying this as I feel like both these demographics, the poor and the unattractive, have the same thing happened to them. To quote Saruman, "Do you know how the orcs first came into being? They were elves once, taken by the dark powers, tortured, and mutilated, a ruined and terrible form of life, and now perfected."

Poor people and unattractive people are like these orcs, moulded by the harshness of life experience. However what I find amusing is a majority of feminists have more empathy for poor people and are on poor people's side, because they often struggle financially themselves, but have no empathy for unattractive people, as women rarely if ever struggle to attract mates.

Christian_Kong · 2022-07-25T01:17:50+00:00

Who is more likely to take care of their shit. The rich kid who gets whatever they want when on their parents dime or the poor kid who had to work and save up for a year to get that one thing they want?

While your 3rd paragraph(things that lead to being attractive) can be correct, most of the things in your 2nd paragraph can apply to attractive guys.

Going back to my first point, people with lots of options are more likely to run when the relationship gets rocky. People with more options are more likely to cheat. Nothing it is a guarantee but it's a fact that less attractive guys will be more likely to appreciate having a partner than those that have girls throwing themselves at them.

Booexgirlfriend · 2022-07-25T01:38:20+00:00

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f_ckupsomecommas · 2022-07-25T03:41:30+00:00

I don’t think there’s necessarily a correlation between how good a guy looks and how he engages with other people, at least not a clear one that I’m aware of. I think maybe if you’re better looking than people might engage with you more positively, which can either make you feel content or in some cases, difficult to swallow your pride. Whereas if you’re not very good looking, you either allow it to make you frustrated and cynical, or more kind and empathetic to others due to your understanding and experience of the less flattering aspects of human nature.

There are plenty of good looking jerks, and plenty of great guys who aren’t attractive. There are also plenty of good looking friendly people, and unattractive assholes.

ragman75 · 2022-07-25T03:41:57+00:00

its not a miss conception. It just seems like its not true becuase when women choose to date "less attractive" men, they just date uglier men with more money. So the net result is the guy is as attractive as her usual standard but he just got to that sum adding up different numbers.

ragman75 · 2022-07-25T03:44:01+00:00

Attractive men have many options, it's true and most of them are already taken before the age of 30 (at least in my circle of friends), but in my experience handsome men tend to treat me better, men with high status treated me better.

Most people are taken by the age of 30, attractive or not. Its a super recent phenomena for this significant amount of young people to not want to ever get married.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2022-07-25T06:13:25+00:00

I don’t know where it comes from but from my experience, they can be even worse because of resentment. My unattractive exs had the mentality that they had to take what they can when they can get it because they never know when the next woman would come along. Resulting in them being cheaters, but the kind of cheater that would always try and come back to you when they realized they couldn’t do better.

Not only where they cheaters but they have to be even more manipulative to get girls/women (I dated them between my teens until about 22, which is why I use girls and women) to sleep with them, making them more sexually aggressive. One of my exs frequently threatened girls with telling them that he would go to their boyfriends and say they slept together, so they should sleep with him or he’d tell their boyfriends a lie and break them up. It unfortunately worked on girls who had low self esteem or were a lil slow. They were honestly so vile on the inside and out. My “attractive” ex was not as manipulative, but overall more sporadically violent.

abagus101 · 2022-07-25T07:16:53+00:00

Maybe it's because they know the grass isn't greener on the other side. I don't consider myself unattractive but rather pretty average, my wife is significantly hotter than me. I always tell people I rolled double 6's and I'd be an idiot to ever roll the dice again. She also cooks and cleans and bears strong children for my bloodline.

PrinceBagratoni · 2022-07-25T07:57:44+00:00

Attractive people in general tend to be nicer and act in a less compensatory and insecure matter in relationships.

dumsaint · 2022-07-25T08:03:18+00:00

Halo effect.

beleidigtewurst · 2022-07-25T08:23:27+00:00

This whole "treating" thing is a hidden: will bent over backwards for me.

Curiously, lack of such backwards bending/treating women as special type of humans that needs to be treated with particular care is dubbed as "misogyny" by all women, feminazi or not and curiously, by feminazi even more so.

So, now, attractive men need less of that backwards bending. Less likely to be "simping" using modern words. That is all what it is about.

Attractive men have many options, it's true and most of them are already taken before the age of 30 (at least in my circle of friends), but in my experience handsome men tend to treat me better, men with high status treated me better.

Yay. Then you have yet another reason to hate those unattractive ones.

Plopolok · 2022-07-25T09:12:49+00:00

First, what you mean by "treat better" is fuzzy. If you mean being confident, communicating well and having good clothes, then by definition unattractive men are unlikely to treat women well. You could do the same with money: if good treatment is inviting her on luxurious dates, then poor people can't do that. But all this doesn't say anything about the intent to make her happy, only the capacity.

Then there's the concept that niceness is unattractive while DT traits are attractive. You might disagree and think it's a misconception but many people consider it true.

There's also the supply and demand aspect.

Fwiw, in my observation it seems rather true: less attractive men seem to be more willing to make efforts or sacrifices for their partner, and more desiring of a "deep" relationship based on mutual trust and equal respect, versus a superficial relationship where the guy takes what he wants without regard for her long term happiness, often even deliberately misleading her. Apparently your experience/observation differs, so idk.

techr0nin · 2022-07-25T09:24:32+00:00

This might be an unpopular opinion but generally speaking, I think attractive people tend to just be better people. And the reason is extremely simple — attractive people tend have better mental health.

Yes I’m sure there are tons of exceptions and some of them may be taken advantage of which causes trauma, but overall the Halo Effect means attractive people have mostly positive interactions with people since childhood, with people going out of their way to help them, with adults/superiors being extra nice to them, and peers treating them with respect or even reverence. Attractive men are looked to to take the leadership role and are expected to succeed, and attractive women are a protected class and given unlimited chances. They are basically going through life as the protagonists (at least while they are young) while average and below-average people are treated like NPCs. And these preferential treatments don’t just come from the opposite sex, they also come from the same sex and across the age spectrum.

A mentally healthy and balanced individual that is already at the top of the hierarchy doesn’t need to prove his or her own worth by putting people down or knocking people off a peg. They can afford to be kind and generous knowing that they already have abundance.

heavywepsguy · 2022-07-25T13:18:18+00:00

Wtf eyebrow hygiene? On one end, I've heard of overly simplistic "just shower", and then on the other end, something as specific as eyebrows?

kevkaneki · 2022-07-25T13:38:47+00:00

The logic is that high value men can afford to treat women as disposable objects whereas low value men can not. But this logic is bullshit for multiple reasons.

High value men have options, that is true, and because they have options they are more likely to cheat, and less likely to put on a front or try to mask their unattractive qualities. Low value men are, for the most part, less likely to cheat (mostly because they can’t lol) and more likely to put on a facade and pretend to be a “nice guy”. That much is true, but it gets more nuanced when you consider that low value men tend to be the ones who have been hurt and played the most by women, so they tend to be more bitter, more resentful, more insecure, more controlling, more abusive, etc. High value men tend to be healthier men in general. They’re more disciplined, more in control of their emotions, less bitter, less insecure, the whole 9 yards…

In my experience, no man is perfect. But the way I see it, your relationship with a high value man is going to be healthier and happier despite the potential for infidelity, whereas your relationship with a low value man is guaranteed to be more exclusive, meaning you have less of a chance of him stepping out or leaving you, but the relationship as a whole will be subpar in comparison.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-07-25T13:44:33+00:00

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oofieoofty · 2022-07-25T13:52:48+00:00

People with healthy self esteem treat others (including their partners) good. People with bad self esteem treat others (including their partners) bad. Ugly people tend to have bad self esteem.

EviessVeralan · 2022-07-25T17:11:58+00:00

I think it's projection. There are a lot of guys who may not be the best looking who would love to have a girlfriend and treat them well, so they assume all not great looking men are the same way.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-07-25T18:01:44+00:00

I don’t think it’s true. I believe is people projecting. Like whenever someone mentions that they want to date/marry someone “Rich” or that “has money”, you’ll notice them writing paragraphs on how bad they are and how only people that are “broke” will treat them better. The thing is I believe in their head they think they’ll run out of choice if people start looking for people that are more up-kept and are doing well for themselves. This allows them to do the bare minimum in up-keeping themselves. This will also give them the chance to not do well for themselves but still enjoy that romantic relationship

gopher_glitz · 2022-07-25T20:47:15+00:00

Men without as many options will be willing to put up with more bullshit.

YungMulahBBY · 2022-07-28T01:52:02+00:00

Women subscribe heavily to lookism, so they believe the good looking guys treat women well, when in fact they are the guys who pump and dump women all the time. But, because good looking face means good personality to women, you might think that way.

AncientLamborghini · 2022-08-06T10:20:52+00:00

Ugly men are useless lmao

MOProG2 · 2022-08-18T05:08:04+00:00

This is facts. It's a cope that the "nice guys" use to communicate that women should be with them. Men need to improve themselves if they want to earn the right to be with a woman. In the distant past high status men had multiple wives because the "unattractive men" we're not sufficient.

Men if you're unattractive, change it or accept your fate.

Final_Biochemist222 · 2022-11-12T08:04:55+00:00

I'd hate to be a guy a girl might go for because she percieves that I will treat her better because I'm ugly lol

Title	Why this misconception that less attractive men will treat women better?
Author	Booexgirlfriend
Upvotes	175
Comments	570
Date	July 24, 2022 7:17 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w73fqr/why_this_misconception_that_less_attractive_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-this-misconception-that-less-attractive-men.1124988 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124988

Comments

This whole "treating" thing is a hidden: will bent over backwards for me.