Age gap relationships end in divorce

harmonica2 · 2023-08-06T08:08:44+00:00

I'm in age gap relationship and my gf is younger than me. I didn't choose the relationship because of anything to do with n counts though. She is just the most wonderful person and I love her. I certainly wouldn't want the relationship to end, or end in divorce if we got married, and I am in for the long haul.

But to answer the OP's statement, that's hypocritical to defend age gap relationships while condemning high n counts, I agree that is hypocritical. I don't condemn or defend either one over the other. I feel that people should be happy in their relationships, whether it'd be an age gap, or high counts prior, etc. Just choose a good partner out of love and good morals, good chemistry, etc.

Environmental-Row-57 · 2023-08-06T08:13:11+00:00

I just think that everyone should marry someone that they love, and can work as a team with. Rather than looking for arbitrary ages. If you're going to get married you should be looking for a person, not an age.

abaxeron · 2023-08-06T09:36:35+00:00

The statistics dont lie.

The law firm website you've linked links to another website (that started demanding payment) that links to this paper

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

that did not investigate the relationship between age difference and risk of divorce at all, and whose only dataset where age difference was even surveyed was collected on the Mechanical Turk.

Finally,

If a man today marries a woman today in the US who is so close to him in age that they have birthdays within one week,

does this choice, or does it not, reduce the probability of divorce below losing in a Russian roulette with a six-shooter?

More statistics:

Amazing; you know, these are the types of graphs that my teachers would occasionally slap kids' fingers with a ruler for making. Where's any sense of scale? Where are any numbers on the vertical axis? Where is ANYTHING?

Update:

Things are apparently even worse than I thought.

IF we believe the Economist xxxxxxxx that also didn't link their source, and if we believe that OP's study even exists somewhere, it did not reproduce in England and Wales.

"A bright young thing considering a silver fox should also take heart from a study by Britain’s Office of National Statistics. It did not find a strong link between age gaps and divorce rates in England and Wales, though there was some evidence that women marrying later than 30 who were more than ten years older than their spouse were more likely to divorce."

social_mules_alt · 2023-08-06T11:10:58+00:00

Age gap relationships may be a bad idea but age gap fucking is fun.

When I was a 24 year old soldier stationed overseas I fucked a 42 year old German woman. We met at the on-post club and she did the pursuing. At the end of the night I took her back to my barracks room and fucked her seven ways til Sunday then escorted her to the front gate the next morning for the walk of fame/shame.

We were both consenting adults and as the younger adult I did not feel exploited.

A few days shy of my 51st birthday I was traveling to Colombia for vacation. While there I fucked a 27 year old Colombian woman. I met her on tinder and she repeatedly asked if we could meet prior to my arrival in country. We had drinks and went dancing. At the end of the night I took her back to my Airbnb, fucked her seven ways til Sunday and blew my load all over her face and tits. She giggled, showered and I escorted her outside so she could catch a taxi home.

We were both consenting adults and as the older adult I did not feel predatory.

For the life of me I will never understand PPD women's preoccupation with what consenting adults choose to do with each other.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-08-06T14:35:26+00:00

Age gap relationships end in divorce

Age gap *marriages* end in divorce. Solution: don't marry and the risk of divorce drops to 0%.

Sub94 · 2023-08-06T16:08:21+00:00

It’s all about how old you look rather than the age within a limit

physious · 2023-08-06T05:54:20+00:00

18 y/os seem like children to a grumpy 24 y/o like me already, I can't imagine wanting to be in a relationship with a much larger age gap. Imagine planning your 401k while your gf wasn't even alive for 9/11 lol

YveisGrey · 2023-08-06T12:56:11+00:00

Fun fact: men don’t care about n count either…if she’s hot enough.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-08-06T05:58:44+00:00

I’m not trying to justify anything. I don’t give a flying fuck who any of y’all want to marry.

RevolutionaryFig929 · 2023-08-06T09:58:02+00:00

Dont overcomplicate things, most people will find a partner around 2 to 4 years different from their age maybe, huge age gaps will oftentimes mean that they struggle already, so its no surprise!

The 40 year old guy married to a 25 year old guy is likely already divorced once or twice lol, so there is a selection bias.

Diamond-Breath · 2023-08-07T11:13:21+00:00

The men in these threads always gaslight themselves to the point it's hilarious and sad.

Large age gaps don't work simply because the people involved wouldn't have a lot in common and the younger partner will ALWAYS be at a disadvantage, the youth will be sucked out of her. He'll most likely die way earlier than her or be confined to a bed and she'll have to care for him like a nurse, if they have kids they will be at greater risk of having birth defects, and she'll be tempted by hotter younger men her age who actually excite her and can satisfy her. Why do you think people always joke about the pool boy and the wife? Deep down inside we all know women don't get wet for significantly older men. Even our romance novels don't involve grandpas, at most they're in their 30's, but the descriptions almost always show a handsome man with money that is in 20's. If we could choose, it would be a young successful guy. If we don't find that, we usually date the handsome man our age with potential.

TimeConstraints · 2023-08-06T06:33:12+00:00

Is this about all age gaps or just age gaps where the man is older?

I (62m) was robbed from the cradle at the tender young age of 22 by a middle-aged woman of 35. Waa! Just a baby.

(Do your math; this was 1983.)

She was gorgeous, I was homely but aggressive, and we both knew what we wanted.

But we were responsible enough to recognize all the reasons it could never work. Besides the reverse age gap we were interracial, international, and spoke different first languages, to start with.

After awhile we broke up because everybody knew it was wrong and couldn't work; she was older than some of my teachers had been. We stayed apart, for like an hour, and them madly did it again. Just couldn't not be together.

Then we were going to be transferred to different countries by our respective employers, finally forcing us to face reality.

So we married 3-1/2 years after we met and four decades on are still married, still in love.

What do your charts and tables say are the odds of that?

No_Ask_2241 · 2023-08-06T06:14:47+00:00

I wonder why then do women go for older men generally?

beleidigtewurst · 2023-08-06T10:16:52+00:00

This is a lie, just repeated many times by many (similar) sources:

This: "Age gap relationships will put you at more of a divorce risk than n count ever will."

Actual study (UK):

The main finding is that between 1963 and 2005, the distribution of age differences for all marriages is very similar in each year to the distribution of age differences for the subset of couples who married in that year, but have since divorced. While there is some evidence of small variations in the proportion of marriages that end in divorce by age difference, there does not seem to be evidence of a strong association.

Age differences at marriage and divorce

Johnny_Autism · 2023-08-06T08:40:09+00:00

Whats your point? Interracial marriages have similar divorce rates when you look at the 'data', and the stats get even darker when it comes to intimate partner violence, but no one, except stormfront types, ever bring this up to argue against it. How is this any different?

bleach-poisoning · 2023-08-06T05:17:22+00:00

Marriage is ridiculous to begin with

retal1ator · 2023-08-06T07:12:41+00:00

Interesting data but I don’t see the link to the real study, can you provide it to me?

In any case, these facts could be a case of correlation and not causation. In part.

First of all, if the data is real, then it is reasonable to conclude that if you pick a random age gap relationship, you can claim they have less chances of being long term paired, and you would be correct. Nothing to discuss here, the data speaks for itself.

However one has to analyse the potential reasons as to why.

When it comes to high-n counts for women being correlated to higher divorces, the reasons are likely a mix of correlation and causation - high-n count women tend to divorce more because of high-n count itself (its effect on relationship), but also because high-n count women must have other traits to begin with that make them unfit for long term stability (correlation with mental illness for example).

For age gaps, perhaps for women and men that seek huge age gap relationships there is a high correlation of traits that do not spell long term stability.

It could be that the issue is not the age gap itself (not completely) but due to how society views the relationship or how the people who end up in that arrangement are to begin with.

Or because socially people ending up in these age gap relationships are more likely to be previous divorcees to begin with.

Or because the stigma itself that age gap relationship have in society.

Or, again, you could discover that age gap relationships that aren’t married have better outcomes.

Or it could be that it highly depends also on the ages of the two people when they meet: later in life age gaps tend to be less of a problem.

I personally think there is an optimal age gap range for different stages of life. When you are young, a few years are very noticeable. When you’re a bit older (past 25), even 10 years gaps are manageable.

In any case, I agree that 20 years age gaps are a huge challenge in itself and it is not wild to see the reasons why these relationships tend to fail.

beleidigtewurst · 2023-08-06T10:10:04+00:00

Men are so desperate to try and justify age gap relationships.

There is no need to "justify" relationship between two adults, sorry to break it to you.

It seems, someone else is both desperate and incoherent about gender differences in aging.

And nearly every second movie having some old lady, including grannies hanging out with young men means that our DEI charlatans really believe that foundational instincts of our species are, somehow, merely socially induced. Hilarious.

However, men very conveniently ignore that age gap relationships have poor chances of lasting.

That's simply not true. I'm too bored to dig the link again, but curiously, divorces were less, not more likely (and, curiously, even if genders are swapped).

I write it of to "something else" that started the relationship to begin with.

mrcs84usn · 2023-08-06T05:42:13+00:00

Marriage if you’re a man = stupid.

This goes double if you have a lot of assets.

63daddy · 2023-08-06T11:40:50+00:00

Simple: Have an age gap relationship(s), but don’t marry. No marriage: no divorce.

wtknight · 2023-08-06T13:47:30+00:00

The statistics dont lie. Age gap relationships will put you at more of a divorce risk than n count ever will.

I’m not sure that most of the men who advocate for age gap relationships actually want to get married to these women, so your CMV might be irrelevant.

NoExpression8722 · 2023-08-06T15:51:02+00:00

Relationships with a huge age gap to me are weird, I’m fine with just age gap fucking.

BirdMedication · 2023-08-06T17:35:43+00:00

This post is a charcuterie board of bad logical reasoning and bad data

MSAPPLIEDSTATS · 2023-08-07T12:11:21+00:00

Older women are obsessed with this topic

notmyrealnamepapi · 2023-08-06T07:14:23+00:00

Like I have no problem with the age gap if the woman is like 25. Although still not recommended.

But I just can't imagine as a 40+ year old to like a 18 year old. I'm only 24, and for me, 18 years old are still like children to me, lol

harmonica2 · 2023-08-06T08:29:55+00:00

I'm in an age gap relationship. As for an age gap relationship being the worst decision a person could make, what if the age gap relationship is going really well like mine, and it's the best relationship I have ever had? Isn't that a good sign, if it's going so well, where as the worst decision a person could make would probably have some bad signs in it?

Illustrious-Line-996 · 2023-08-06T05:32:53+00:00

A. Don’t get married it’s pointless these days and B. Half of marriages end in divorce.

The age gap has very little to do with it

harmonica2 · 2023-08-06T08:33:05+00:00

Are women being contradictory and possibly hypocritical if they tell guys to expand their dating options and expand their pool to help find a partner, but then when guys expand their pool in terms of age, and find success, then the same women don't like, even though they told the guys to expand their options more to find love.

Over_North8884 · 2023-08-06T10:15:51+00:00

None of this presents a reason not to pursue age gap relationships.

Happy_Nuclear_End · 2023-08-06T16:06:25+00:00

Half of the marriages end in divorce anyways, if I have to bother with marriage why pick the empty eggs carton vs a young woman with the same end result?

harmonica2 · 2023-08-06T09:00:23+00:00

The thing that seems contradictory about guys taking advantage of young women though, is when women say older guys want to marry young women to manipulate and control them. I do not understand this because it seems most guys think that if they get married that they are giving women all the cards, so if that's true and most guys think that, than why would it be taking advantage of a young women to give her all the cards, if that makes sense?

captaindestucto · 2023-08-07T11:16:46+00:00

.. At least men are usually honest about their motives here.

I know of two 15 year age gap relationships that lasted. But even if there was a good chance it wouldn't last, there's no way I could date someone with adult kids or decades of experience over me. It's not a choice some of us can make.

neinhaltchad · 2023-08-06T08:44:34+00:00

I wonder how many other “gaps” and variables predict higher divorce rates.

Got any charts on a “weight gap” where a guy is a healthy weight and the woman gets fat?

Or just a general gap in SMV regardless or looks? How about intelligence?

No studies on that I suppose.

Regardless, unless you are one of the exceedingly few people who will find somebody and stay married to them literally until death this point is moot.

Worst case scenario, I have a bunch of short term relationships with younger women.

The horror.

I don’t get to hitch my wagon to a fat, bitter, combative woman who is going to make my life hell for years on end.

Isn’t it women who famously like to say “I’d rather be single than settle for [insert random entitlement]”

Well, I’d rather have casual sex and STR’s with younger, hotter more free spirited women.

Stay mad.

Dstar538888 · 2023-08-06T19:42:24+00:00

Any 40 or 50 year old dude out there who genuinely thinks a 20 year old girl actually wants them for them and doesn’t have ulterior motives (ex. Money) is doing it to themselves and I absolutely do not feel sorry them 🤣

modidlee · 2023-08-06T10:28:40+00:00

People don’t usually know the person’s age they’re attracted to before they grow attracted to them. If a woman is attracted to a man and he’s attracted to her they’re not going to deny the attraction just because there’s an age difference.

RonMexico432 · 2023-08-06T13:00:42+00:00

Pair bonding? I hate how RP tries to make relationships sound like an 80s sci-fi flick.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-08-06T13:15:06+00:00

Cost benefit analysis. Younger hot chick with higher divorce rate, or older meh looking chick with lesser divorce rate, but still high, given that divorce rate is 50%. You might as well go for the young hot one at this point and enjoy your time. Best solution is to not get married at all obviously.

Antisocialite99 · 2023-08-06T13:51:33+00:00

A ten year age gap between people that got married after the age of thirty used to be incredibly common in previous generations and not lead to divorce.

Of course that's not old men dating young women, but the way this poster describes it is like you better date someone your exact age or else disaster awaits.

nunchuckbitch27 · 2023-08-06T15:22:11+00:00

I can say from personal experience that my relationship is perfect it’s loving, healthy and supportive as well. We have a strong connection and a ton in common. We have been together for 21 years and hopefully many more ahead of us. I was 20 when we stared dating he was 36, so a 16 year age gap. We are very happily married. He has morals he isn’t a creep he didn’t groom me he isn’t controlling. I wanted to be in this relationship as much as he did.

Willow-girl · 2023-08-06T16:17:08+00:00

Ladies, don't do it! You will wear him out ...

macone235 · 2023-08-06T05:55:45+00:00

Some age-gap relationships end in divorce, not all. The sources you post only prove correlation as well, not causation. The only significant difference was 20+ year age gaps. I don't disagree that a 20+ year age gap isn't going to fair well for the guy. Eventually, he's going to be 70, and hypergamy is going to kick in, and the woman is going to want masculine energy.

The point is that for the man it doesn't really matter though, because the 70 year old woman would leave him too if she could. He's being used either way, so he might as well return the favor.

Low n-count preference isn't about divorce rates either. It's about finding a woman who is loyal.

Also, why are you sourcing charts from Imgur...made in MS Paint?

DerayRevan · 2023-08-06T05:18:10+00:00

Well many here already say don't get married, so l don't think they could care less about this

Also on the n-count, it's not about pair bonding as l've said many times

We just wanna know if the kid is ours like our male ancestors did

RepresentativeBook62 · 2023-08-06T18:45:38+00:00

My ex was 13 years my junior. I'm currently seeing one woman 17 years my junior and one 18 years my junior and occasionally hook up with women even younger.

I don't have to defend squat. If I'm attracting them then I have the right to date them. That's entirely between me and them. Society can bugger off.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-08-06T11:04:30+00:00

Who's marrying them? lol

The key is to just have a good time, maybe for a few years. The Leonardo play

Safinated · 2023-08-06T22:16:10+00:00

You’re assuming these men care about marriage, divorce, or the best interest of their partner. That is probably an incorrect assumption

13choppedup2chopped · 2023-08-06T07:02:42+00:00

Is divorce bad? People here treat marriage like a negative. But it’s better to have triad and failed than to never have risked at all.

Ylduts · 2023-08-06T09:01:54+00:00

Men simply shouldn’t marry in western societies period, if they are looking at the data. Their is almost no incentive to do so and yet their are severe consequences.

giveuporfindaway · 2023-08-06T19:41:18+00:00

Don't marry them, just breed them. Preferably in a third world country where they have no recourse. Problem solved.

AutoModerator · 2023-08-06T05:14:38+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

hear4comments · 2023-08-06T07:11:24+00:00

There’s pretty much no avoiding divorce. The thing about age gap dating for men is. Not Marrying the girl he’s dating, but also being up front with his intentions.

Maffioze · 2023-08-06T10:39:22+00:00

Not everyone is necessarily interested in lasting relationships or marriages. The men who are into younger women are probably just more physically attracted to them. Because when it comes to the actual qualities needed to have a healthy and lasting relationship, younger women aren't better.

OutrageousRecord4944 · 2023-08-06T13:25:28+00:00

I think what truly makes a marriage last is cultural backgrounds combined with religiousity.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-06T13:48:29+00:00

I ended my age gap relationship, yes. He was sexually abusive, yes. Though I will say it's more of an impact over intent situation there.

But the thing we could never have fixed was his polyamory. Everything else we could have worked through, including the sexual issues, and I was willing because I loved him. Given time and opportunity, we could have gone to couples counseling and worked out what was wrong. We didn't have that because he insisted on polyamory, and I was a distant secondary.

We related to each other on so many levels. The day we met, we clicked on so many cultural touchstones -- music, TV, general "not from around here" stuff that was unbelievable. I was still finding my way toward my passion in life, but I had discovered at least the gist of it by four years in and was doing the coursework I'd need to pave the way.

I had problems I wasn't addressing, either. So it ended as much because of me as because of him, and it's a good thing that I spent intensive time in therapy after the relationship ended. We were both unfit to be partners to other people at the time, and I hope he's doing better now.

LaPolloGrande · 2023-08-06T14:46:29+00:00

Holy shit, that OkCupid graph is like a decade old. Are you seriously trying to use that to justify something?

kkkan2020 · 2023-08-06T15:04:55+00:00

but the average age gap for couples is about 4 years ....

nerojt · 2023-08-06T18:23:29+00:00

Ignores the fact that there are broad individual differences between people. Averages do not mean that much if one finds what they are looking for, as there are matching outliers in all tails of normal distributions.

RedditAlt999 · 2023-08-06T19:12:56+00:00

Most marriages end in divorce. If I were in that position, I'd rather be with a younger woman that brought me happiness and youthfulness than with some older, jaded hag... Just being fair here.

katyushas_boyfriend · 2023-08-06T19:21:42+00:00

Age gap relationships end in divorce

Then don't get married.

They dismiss things like different life stages, bad power dynamics, stigma, lack of similarities, family planning challenges

I don't see why family planning would be relevant here, both parties can still use contraception methods.

I'm not sure what kind of "power" an older man would have over a younger either unless she was financially dependent on him. But many if not most relationships involve a significant degree of financial dependence when a woman takes time off work to raise young children.

The others aren't considered relevant by many men, or many people in general for that matter.

But the truth is men just want to date these young women because they only care about looks

Is there something wrong with caring about appearance? Women do it, would you criticize women for pursuing tall guys?

There's other factors too, younger women have less baggage, are less likely to push for more commitment, etc.

L3Kinsey · 2023-08-07T05:20:01+00:00

Tovo34 · 2023-08-07T05:47:15+00:00

You lost me with your black and white thinking

CountMandrake · 2023-08-07T15:04:42+00:00

Who's talking about getting married?

And EVEN if I was thinking about getting married, I would still take the risk with the hotter, younger, more fun woman.

Sorry... Not sorry.

lighthub · 2023-08-07T19:06:10+00:00

Its absolutely hypocritical of men to praise age gap relationships and to continuously defend them while criticizing women with high n counts saying it will increase risk of break ups.

Hypocritical you say, lots of men especially on here, have no shame about being hypocrites at all

I think this highlights how men care about looks to the point they dont care about having partner they can relate to and connect with.

In other news water is yet, but they love gaslighting the world that it’s women who care for looks the most.

ksmigrod · 2023-08-08T09:04:20+00:00

My father was 14 years older than my mother, they were together for 35+ years, till his death.

Statistics are far less convincing than personal experience.

Title	Age gap relationships end in divorce
Author	Illustrious-Line-996
Upvotes	94
Comments	316
Date	August 6, 2023 5:14 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15jh1mf/age_gap_relationships_end_in_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/age-gap-relationships-end-in-divorce.1227633 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227633

Comments

This is a lie, just repeated many times by many (similar) sources: