Is dating just depressing in the 30s or what?

Medium_Listen_9004 · 2023-12-02T02:41:43+00:00

It's because most people don't really know themselves. Most people pursue desires that aren't even theirs. Otherwise, how can anyone cast judgement on anyone else?

I'm in my early 30s and don't feel depressed by dating. But I don't have the desire to be a "somebody" either. I don't see the point.

It seems like people just wanna mooch off others and judge them for not wanting to be mooched off of.

Capybara_88 · 2023-12-02T01:44:48+00:00

Yes. 30s you are sifting through leftovers trying to find the few decent people out there.

Tuatara77 · 2023-12-02T01:46:21+00:00

Have you been dating alot? What region is your experiences from in the world? Little background info would be great.

We_Are_From_Stars · 2023-12-02T02:04:51+00:00

FYI, this is what happens to romance when you take away all the controlled economic, social, and cultural structures that lead to happy relationships and people.

Most people want romance and to be loved, but in their personal and political lives will behave and advocate against the very systems that would actually make them the most happy. Thank socio-sexual liberalism and economic dislocation for most of that.

Total_Yankee_Death · 2023-12-02T01:20:27+00:00

Everything you wrote is the perfect explanation of why many single, desirable, older guys go for younger women.

Do desirable, single, older women exist? Maybe, but they aren't very common.

I_can_get_loud_too · 2023-12-02T01:55:03+00:00

I’m a woman and I feel the same. I keep finding people whose sex drive is way lower than mine so I’ve tried to date younger guys thinking our sex drives will be more aligned but i haven’t had too much luck with that either. Very transactional as OP mentioned.

Diamond-Breath · 2023-12-02T04:41:27+00:00

What do YOU offer to a good woman? It's not the age, maybe you're expecting too much. If the idea is to date younger women as an older man, you do need to provide and perform the traditional masculine role. Younger women have a lot of options and most of us would rather be with a man our same age.

tadL · 2023-12-02T08:39:57+00:00

Why are you dating 30 year olds if your preference is around 25? Date younger no problem

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-12-02T16:52:12+00:00

It sucks but it's not all thats bad. I'm navigating dating in my 30s and it can be frustrating. My best advice is get off the apps or minimize how much time you swipe on them because if that's your only way of meeting people I have terrible news for you. Meet people in irl spaces as well which is easier said than done. But try it. It means going out more. Find single friends to go out with and put yourself in more positions to meet others. Just using the apps can be really discouraging.

I've met single father's. It's not for me. I don't like the idea of helping with kids since I don't really want them. I'm single and childfree/childless.

Noncommittal types. That suddenly get really clammy at the idea that you may want something serious that involves commitment. And try to rationalize why commitment is not necessary for a good relationship. I'm like bye. No not for me.

Men with baggage. Now we all have baggage it's a collective human experience. That we all have had experiences and upsets and things that are unique to us. But.. it's what you do with your baggage that matters. If you use your baggage to be a shitty person that's on you. If you understand you have it and understand yourself in this works better. In your 30s you should work with it be emotionally mature to know you have it and not project your baggage on to others.

Men without drive and want to be stuck in a manual labor position they hate (because they complain about it). Like this is my life I don't want to do anything about it. Want to do this but never do it but complain they haven't. They are content sitting at home and gaming but complain that's all they do.

Men who don't take care of themselves. 32 going on 45. Scraggly facial hair. Bad teeth. Aged skin. Beer gut. (I work out go to the gym watch what I eat. Skin care routine. Regular visits to my dentist/orthodontist. Dress nice. Go to therapy). So if someone let themselves go yikes.

Men that just want sex. Move along.

Men who don't use their real name or anime profile pic as their dating things and memes as their thing. It will be like "J" with a black photo or a meme or anime profile pic. Instant no.

Someone else's man is in the dating space. A lot of ethical nonmonogamy or unicorn hunters. No sir I don't want to hook up with you and your wife. No sir I don't want to be a side piece. Get out of here.

Dating is hard it sucks it's not fun. But it's what you make of it.

Ok_Grapefruit_631 · 2023-12-03T09:34:48+00:00

Imagine having this much of a negative perspective, jaded much.. enjoy being single for the rest of your life I spose.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-12-02T02:30:31+00:00

I’m hearing from a lot of women in their 30s that the men aren’t too great either. 🤷‍♀️So they share the same complaints about you guys as well.

MyLastBestChance · 2023-12-02T01:19:45+00:00

What you can attract is your level 🤷‍♀️. You may not have the same exact baggage/ challenges but it’s an equivalent handicap.

Ok-Supermarket-6747 · 2023-12-02T04:08:51+00:00

If you are an enthusiastic worker and feel good about your job or how you live life then you will enjoy talking about it. If it feels like an interview, ask yourself: Why am I such a Boring interviewee? If conversation is sUcH a HaSsEL or that being asked about your life feels forced then maybe you should change your life first before dating. Almost everyone is guilty of needing change at some point.

People had baggage coming into their first relationships anyways. More and more people growing up in abusive or one-parent homes means the relationships inherit the family curses until/unless healed. Don’t expect a 20 year old to even know what all their curses are yet, just like 30 somethings have trust issues from prior failed relationships.

Stop creating single moms. If men would stop banging women raw without any engagement or marriage or loving relationship foundation then you wouldn’t have this partially self-created problem.

If you cannot afford a woman then you cannot afford a child. Stop blaming women for looking for men who are capable of supporting a family. Women are also entitled to lifestyle preferences just as much as men and especially now that women are part of the workforce, if you cannot provide her with at least the lifestyle she could provide for herself then sit down.

There is a fucking minimum income requirement to live life stress-free and women are researching it to get it. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, go on strike, apply for a raise, for a higher paying job. If men would stop making single mothers you’d probably have a father to tell you all this

Would you be passionate about an ugly woman? Therefore women are not usually passionate for broke men. If a man can choose an ugly vs beautiful woman he will go with the latter. If a woman can choose poor vs rich she will choose rich. You say lack of passion as if it’s a woman’s business. MEN traditionally bring that drive and that passion and conquest for his duty of creating a nurturing space for a woman so she can bloom. If you want the woman to chase and have passion for you then you want a man. Go to a gay bar

Everything is transactional but that doesn’t mean that it’s not sentimental. Who cares about transaction? Care about sentiment

Go to the fucking gym wtf

Go find the women you banged in the past and try to wife them up. Especially if you already gave them kids. Now at least you are insta-dad to your own kids. Otherwise look for childfree women. They exist

Do you want to take care of the kids or you want the ex taking care? You want to care for someone else's kids? You should praise the ex is in the picture so you get alone time on her week off

No one is perfect. Find someone with mental issues you think are quirky or that you can deal with. Find someone with issues that literally do not bother you because you pay no mind to ‘stuff like that’ or whatever. Relationships take work. Grab the 70-80% compatible woman and work on the 20-30%

Funny comparison to cars for someone who just complained it’s so transactional. Maybe part of this attitude is why women are looking more at if she’s a make he can even afford hmm??

Be the change you want to see.

wtknight · 2023-12-02T01:31:13+00:00

I chatted with women in foreign countries online when I was in my 30s. Most of them were significantly younger, and none of them single mothers. It was a great time and I eventually met my wife this way. It wasn't depressing at all.

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63daddy · 2023-12-02T04:03:26+00:00

Early 30s was the best for me. Went downhill from there.

lacuti3 · 2023-12-02T05:22:47+00:00

Yeah all the guys I’ve ever been with had mental issues. Not sure what to go for next, maybe just hot guys?? Since they all have mental issues

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-12-02T12:44:31+00:00

Dating was depressing in my 20s. Dating in my 30s is just watching the dumpster fire continue.

Eastern-Action1384 · 2023-12-02T22:57:45+00:00

Lol both genders have it hard as they get older. Unless you are one if the minority you gonna have baggage and trauma (not only from relationship also work and social life and your friends or families). Most men and women loose their physical beauty as they get older that's life. Dating is no depressing in your 30s let's say it's different that's all. Just enjoy your 20s and if you couldn't just move on. No one can make it up to you. Try to enjoy whatever the future brings to you.

KayRay1994 · 2023-12-02T03:26:26+00:00

the single mom concern is frankly overblown - relax, there are loads of women who are/will be single in their 30s without a child. Of course, you wouldn’t know this if all you consume is manosphere fear porn.

As for the rest, sure, people are in less shape, but it isn’t dramatic or drastic. Relationship baggage is what it is, though being single for a long time does also bring its fair share of baggage too.

As for the gold diggers, they’re easy to vet - and the minimum income stuff is kinda understandable, especially if it’s reasonable - nobody wants to date someone who’s barely getting by.

Given, i’m just 29, but I know quite a few people in their early 30s, some even their mid 30s and it isnt really a horrid hellscape, sure, the fun and excitement of your 20s is gone but life kinda gets more real as you get older…. so no shit

Oli_love90 · 2023-12-02T11:42:02+00:00

Sorry to be harsh - but I’d be pretty sad to match with someone like you. I hope I don’t run into too many guys who think like this. I get you’re venting, that fine, but man this is just so mean.

Idk about other women over 30, but dating already feels daunting, you wish you’d found someone when you were younger but it didn’t work out, you know you look a little older (at 30 it’s not that drastic, come on) On top of all that then there’s just guys who look at you as a “high mileage shitbox”.

This type of thing is why women just opt out. OP why not go for younger if you’re just going to bring this attitude while dating?

Naebany · 2023-12-02T10:29:19+00:00

And women wonder why men in their 30s date women in their 20s. No sweet it's not because they are easier to manipulate or whatever, they are more attractive, fun and less baggage.

Pitiful_Bug_3028 · 2023-12-02T03:05:55+00:00

Lots of single men looking for a women to raise their kids 🤷🏾‍♀️

Overweight men who want an ig model

Men who think women are gold diggers when they have no real gold anyways.

Men who are desperate for sex

Men with no stable jobs… you’re 30 plus ! Yikes 😬

Men who are abusive and controlling

Men who are “poly”

Men who scam… women scam so do men 😬

Edited to add more.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2023-12-02T03:14:48+00:00

Dates feel like job interviews

Women at this age are "tired of playing games" so they have curated a list of robotic questions to make sure she's getting what she wants and isn't going to get played again.

People have tons of relationship baggage

Yes.

Lots of single moms wanting a man to support them

Don't.

Lots of gold diggers

Vet them. Pretend to be poor, or keep your wealth well hidden and the gold diggers will shy away. Flaunt your wealth and it will be your fault if you attract gold diggers. Get a shitty car, leave the expensive watch at home, get an android, etc.

Requiring a minimum income

See the above point. If she has materialistic standards, she's probably just a gold digger.

Very little passion

Sadly yes, but this is an easy tell that they are just using you to settle. If she's actually attracted, the passion will be there.

It's so transactional

Sadly yes. All relationships are generally transactional, even most friendships.

Sex is very meh, most people get out of shape and flabby in the 30s

Take leadership in the bedroom and make sex what you want it to be. Make demands.

I really don't want to become an insta-dad for a single mom's kid(s)

Don't. Leave single moms for the single dads or simps.

And for people with kids the ex sometimes is always in the picture (shared custody etc)

See above.

Lot of people with serious mental issues

Vet everyone. Discard the mentally ill.

It's like shopping cars and only being offered a selection of high mileage shitboxes

Find the best bang for your buck, or try the "new" market out if you're qualified.

God it's depressing

Sure, but it doesn't have to be. Always be willing to walk away.

FromAuntToNiece · 2023-12-02T03:39:30+00:00

LOL! I have yet to date a blatant gold digger!

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2023-12-02T01:38:09+00:00

Yes, this is what it is like now. Women's standards only go up as they age

relish5k · 2023-12-02T03:26:02+00:00

And for people with kids the ex sometimes is always in the picture (shared custody etc)

Isn’t that a good thing?

It's like shopping cars and only being offered a selection of high mileage shitboxes

Well…take a look at yourself too, eh?

Spyro7x3 · 2023-12-02T02:21:02+00:00

30s have been good for me I just don't date 30+ year old women

Independent-Mail-227 · 2023-12-02T02:15:18+00:00

In my 20s it was already like this, except for the single mothers but some of them still appeared here and there.

neverendingplush · 2023-12-02T09:41:12+00:00

It was depressing when I was in my mid 20s. Having normal pleasant conversations with women were damn near non existent especially on tinder. It felt like 99% of the engagements fell on to me. When I did sleep with them it left me thinking " all that for this".

Most had kids, which I would be more accommodating if they took better care of themselves. I know before I start talking to a woman online she's going to bother me about my height as that seems like the end all be all , yet be 100lbs overweight bad skin, broke, unrecognisable from the use of filters, and horrible attitude. So yes it's fucking sad, despite the fact that in my opinion the 30s should be so much better then your 20s.

Consistent_Ad3181 · 2023-12-02T09:48:55+00:00

"high mileage shit boxes" brilliant🤣👍

kvakerok · 2023-12-02T10:01:22+00:00

Do you know what helps? Having lots of resources and being attractive.

If you're not in a career by your 30ies, you're straight up a deadbeat lol.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-12-02T13:58:27+00:00

Enjoy your like-new Toyota Cresseda!

Dulyknowted · 2023-12-02T23:23:17+00:00

Honestly, I disagree. I’m 32F, and I feel like dating is becoming better and better. I have however a fear of missing out, and leave one easily when I think the grass is greener on the other side. I’m not easy to hold onto, that’s my issue. But I’m working on it 🤦🏻‍♀️And I guess many of the good ones left out there have this too, otherwise they wouldn’t have been single perhaps in the first place. Online dating has made it easier to substitute

mike-sonko · 2023-12-02T02:48:41+00:00

I'm in my 30s. When I was single I dated mostly women in their early to mid 20s. Most 30s women I encountered either had kids or were childless but with extreme babies rabies. Glad I met my GF and I'm not in the dating game anymore.

Nessa_Morgoth · 2023-12-02T09:56:47+00:00

Here in Spain and other Mediterranean countries the 30's are the new 20's. I'm 34 and I look younger, not flabby or gross. In fact I have better body now than before when I was young and extremely thin. I say these because I saw a lots of posts of you complaining about dating after the 30's but I had quite contrary the other experience: I found the love of my live on these age and I feel more comfortable with me and my body.

mrcs84usn · 2023-12-02T03:46:18+00:00

Date younger women. My 30s dating was much better than my 20s, especially because i could afford to do cooler stuff.

ShiningWoman · 2023-12-02T14:56:26+00:00

Maybe you should've settled down in your 20s then instead of riding the p*ssy carousel

roger61962 · 2023-12-02T11:17:57+00:00

Go 4 younger women.

SeveralLiterature980 · 2023-12-02T13:09:15+00:00

Lol dating my 30s has been awesome.

Regularly date/hookup with women 10+ years younger, get with the really hot older ones. Idk. Can't complain.

If you allow yourself to waste time with bad leads though, I can imagine it sucks.

2023-12-02T07:19:17+00:00

Yes. Yes it is.

Signal_Adeptness_724 · 2023-12-02T13:53:31+00:00

Date younger

Ohmaygahh · 2023-12-02T15:50:53+00:00

It gets even more depressing in your 40s. So many nail technicians/estheticians, part time cashiers, low libido women. Or super high libido Reiki practitioners. Occasionally you'll see a great gal, but they happen to live in 2nd and 3rd tier cities that are at least 75+ miles away.

It feels extra great when you realize you worked on yourself so much that you are genuinely a great catch, but the pool of women who are available and interested in you never would have been interested in you years ago. And the kicker is they didn't improve, they got worse.

I still haven't fully reconciled the awful feeling, but I can tell you that pouring a nice cognac and sipping away looking out the window while it snows while thinking how messy and miserable their little lives are is a small comfort.

basedmama21 · 2023-12-03T02:04:26+00:00

Where are you meeting women. Get off the apps. Join a coed sport. That’s where the fit women who have somewhat of an outlet for their mental stress are.

BatemaninAccounting · 2023-12-02T09:53:17+00:00

Dates feel like job interviews

Always has been.

People have tons of relationship baggage

Always has been.

Lots of gold diggers

Lmao outside of maaaaybe some very specific areas of the world, no this isn't the case. Tammy, 26 female with 1 kid, is not looking for anything but a working class dude that can emotionally and physically provide for her while she also works a working class job.

Requiring a minimum income

Lmao no. There are even some women that put up with deadbeat dudes with no income.

Sex is very meh, most people get out of shape and flabby in the 30s

You're having sex wrong.

SnooCupcakes9990 · 2023-12-02T05:21:50+00:00

Yep, because most women peaked in their 20s. Those who were smart are now married and in stable relationships. You're dealing with the leftovers, or as we like to say, "career women"

This is why, for men, it's a disadvantage to be in a commitment relationship in your 30s. Men age better than women, and that proven biologically.

LillthOfBabylon · 2023-12-02T13:01:34+00:00

Where do people get this notion that dating in your 20s is any better?

Dates feel like job interviews

That has always been the case if you are using online dating and not just naturally dating someone if your social circle.

People have tons of relationship baggage

BAGGAGE IS BAGGAGE. People in their 20s are dealing with baggage from highschool and mental illnesses that werent caught yet.

Lots of single moms wanting a man to support them

Thats a personal problem.

Lots of gold diggers

IDK why you guys act like 20 year olds cant be gold diggers. Or do you mean most people in their 30s don't want a bum loser?

Requiring a minimum income

OMG, you're expected to have a job in your 30s?!

Very little passion

Says who?

It's so transactional

Idk where you guys get this notion younger people can't enter those relationships too.

Seriously, the majority of your complaints is either complaining about single moms, fat people, or things people in their 20s go through.

deadcatbounce93 · 2023-12-02T12:55:11+00:00

I don’t see an issue with requiring minimum income, good credit, financial compatibility as it really will shape your success as a couple. People like to deny this and pretend it’s all about love and all that. Never worked out with broke guys because our lifestyles were incompatible. I can’t imagine trying to rent or buy a property with someone I’m dating, only to have their garbage credit bring me down.

As for gold diggers… I don’t think you should be too concerned with this. Often times, the men complaining about gold diggers don’t have any gold to dig. On the flip side, I’ve never heard a wealthy person actually use the term gold digger.

I think there are plenty of women in their 30s who don’t have children. Out of just the circle of people I know, the majority don’t have kids. You could always seek out childfree women, you’ll never have to worry about supporting any kids.

Regarding transactional / interview - like dates and boring sex… if you’re having this issue repeatedly, maybe you should consider that you might be the meh conversationalist and be mediocre in sex.

Not sure about this statement that most people get out of shape and flabby in 30s… where are you finding these people? If you’re into being fit and health conscious, you should emphasize this and look for women with similar priorities. Look for women who are into the gym, play a sport, have an active lifestyle. You didn’t mention geographically where you are, which might be an impact as well. For example, I’m in Dubai, and people are very much into fitness and health so I genuinely haven’t ever ran into flabby and out of shape people.

Unfortunate, the older you get, the more likely that someone has an ex whom they need to split custody with.

If you want a woman who’s single, mentally stable, takes care of herself, holds interesting conversations, is high energy and the sex is amazing, is financially stable / free, has hobbies, and no baggage from prior relationships… you should ask yourself what you bring to the table. Women like this have a ton of options and high standards. They’re not likely to be interested by a man in his 30s complaining about dating on Reddit.

DesertShifter · 2023-12-02T18:49:59+00:00

How about, and really hear me out on this... how about you just date someone in their mid 20s instead?

EmbarrassedClient283 · 2023-12-02T20:59:20+00:00

I have never dated a woman above the age of 22 but I trust your word on it, sounds logical that it would be as you describe

shadowofdoubt13 · 2023-12-03T04:20:20+00:00

Is that why men in their 30s go for 20s women? Would make sense from that perspective

LockDownHalfGuard · 2023-12-03T05:16:15+00:00

True and depressing post. 36 year old single male here, dating is hard...lots of single mum's, and as someone who's into health and fitness, I get a lot of attention from morbidly obese women... It's just how it is.

boom-wham-slam · 2023-12-03T09:55:48+00:00

This is why no matter how old you are as a man you always date 25 and under.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-12-03T15:27:10+00:00

Nah, dating women in their 30s is depressing. Date younger and you won’t have these problems.

WeeklyAtmosphere · 2023-12-02T02:52:12+00:00

Hoopy223 · 2023-12-02T01:30:24+00:00

I’ve dated a few women who aren’t like that list but…dammmmmm……….

apresonly · 2023-12-02T02:06:06+00:00

I never got the job interview thing.

In order to develop a connection with someone I have to at least know they aren't gonna hit a red flag and know the basics about them. And I am extremely happy to answer any questions a guy has.

> Sex is very meh, most people get out of shape and flabby in the 30s

yeah thats having a human body. this has gotta be porn damage?

harmonica2 · 2023-12-02T03:28:17+00:00

I'm in my 30s and dating is better for me and easier now. Is it me?

Alealexi · 2023-12-02T03:37:13+00:00

Actually my 30s is the time I had the best sex in my life.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2023-12-02T09:36:08+00:00

Women are quite flexible if you know how to handle them, men are usually more disagreeable and set in their ways, you can't really undo a child but I guess some men are able to make that a quality that makes her fall more in love with you, you can show her that you're a good dad, it won't make her indebted to you but that's not really the goal just that you have enough value to show her that she should be kind to you and make her not want to lose you

yungplayz · 2023-12-02T11:03:19+00:00

Bro you ARE offered a selection of high mileage shitboxes only. That unless you’re willing to drop like a hundred grands. Have you been shopping for a car anytime lately?

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-12-02T11:52:14+00:00

I would feel depressed if I was dating. Having walked away from dating and relationships I'm much happier.

AreOut · 2023-12-02T12:16:36+00:00

it was depressing in 30s, now when I am in my 40s it got way better

JaxJim · 2023-12-02T13:17:42+00:00

Dating in your 60 is no paradise either.

kitterkatty · 2023-12-02T14:58:38+00:00

Look up Joe DeVito, the midlife dating coach lol oh god it’s so funny. It’s bleak so bleak that his routine practically writes itself and that was BEFORE Covid.

MiaDovahkiin · 2023-12-02T15:25:01+00:00

Dating is hard for lots of people. It's not just about age or gender, it's about your lifestyle and choices. For example, I am 26 years old and I haven't even fallen in love yet. I feel like I'm officially late for something. But this happened as a result of my choices and character. I am an introvert and shy person, which made it difficult for me to meet people. Maybe the decisions you make and your lifestyle have had an impact on you, too. Maybe it's not a coincidence that the people you encounter turn out this way?

chickenfriedsteakdin · 2023-12-02T15:33:50+00:00

And this is why people should get married earlier and pick people to build a life with while they aren’t tainted with negative consequences. But online culture makes hooking up and playing around easy. Apps make people feel there is always something better around the corner

Title	Is dating just depressing in the 30s or what?
Author	wanderinstarlight
Upvotes	169
Comments	352
Date	December 2, 2023 1:14 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/188rvyo/is_dating_just_depressing_in_the_30s_or_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-dating-just-depressing-in-the-30s-or-what.1239824 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239824

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