Kindness is Considered Weak, Weak turns women off

fucksiclepizza · 2025-04-14T22:02:25+00:00

Nope, men's primary reason for being attracted to women is looks, women's primary reason for being attracted to men is also looks.

FaultySchematic · 2025-04-15T00:25:22+00:00

I think you're confusing kindness with deference. Women, in general, are attracted to decisiveness. Catering to her preferences means you are pedestalizing her. Inviting her into your life is going to be way more attractive than asking for permission to enter hers.

I mean, if you want to be smart about this, when you meet a woman you're attracted to and you're talking, try to find out what kind of food she likes. When it comes time to pick restaurants, just do a little research and find some good places that make that kind of food. Then you get to be considerate AND decisive. Hot and kind at the same time.

To be honest, the "Chad" behavior people shit on is totally normal, and very upfront and honest. The shit where you try to be a good little boy and offer investment in the hopes that she'll offer you sex in return is fucking stupid. Showing up to women, in a friendly/flirty way (where you're being a kind/warm person and also clearly wanting to fuck them) is fucking catnip for most of them.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-04-14T22:38:31+00:00

Go ahead bro. Be a dick to your date. She’ll totally wanna suck your cock. It’s science.

Training_Hold_1354 · 2025-04-14T21:35:20+00:00

No, that’s how men see other men. Thats why men police other men for being simps or betas when they show kindness to women.

CBDcloud · 2025-04-14T22:24:08+00:00

LOL OP. Remember, you wanted this.

So far only female answers. How does it feel to have the wrath of a hornets nest on you?

Okay, let’s get to your post. Looks? Primary? No! Initial attention getter? Yeah, for a lot of us.

Still, I’m not getting involved with a good looking Ahole. If she consistently disrespects others, with airs of superiority, that’s a no go. But, I hold my male friends to the same standard.

Also, I have to do me. I want to be treated with kindness, dignity and respect. How do get there? By treating others the way I want to be treated. I’m not going to squelch the good in me based on jerks. I’ll use my own volition and distance myself from such people.

Women are looking for power? Hard, hard no!

As a man, I’m not qualified to answer for women, but I will at least try. I’m sure that the sisters on this post will correct me if I’m wrong. LOL.

First, let’s examine my perspective on what they probably don’t want. I don’t think they want weak men. Can’t blame them. Their motherhood should be limited to the children, not their man.

Just because a man’s mommy didn’t do a good job, they shouldn’t have to raise another little boy.

Now, my best understanding of what they may want might be flawed, but here goes…

I think they want security. Start with positive emotional security. No abuse. No immaturity. No disrespect.

There is also the aspect of physical security. I don’t think that they are necessarily looking for Tarzan. They just want a man who will have their back.

Don’t get me wrong. Tarzan has some physically attractive qualities, but get real. There aren’t many Tarzans in this world, so it’s likely not a must.

About the restaurant example. I don’t think that either gender is looking for a lapdog or cat in human form. Those furry critters do a better job of loving and appreciating than a lot of humans.

No, I think that women appreciate a confident and decisive man. Women aren’t looking to be the captain of the ship 100% of the time, and they shouldn’t have to be.

Like I said, I’m gonna do me. If a jerk, male or female, sees my kindness as weakness, then they get a mighty, figurative middle finger and no more of my time or attention. Next!

Waxico · 2025-04-15T00:04:16+00:00

Yes, but it’s a certain type of woman. Those kind of women would make terrible wives and mothers and so you should ignore them anyway.

Look for a woman that doesn’t respond positively to power that bullies and subjugates others and if you aren’t attracting those kind of women then reflect and see what you can change about yourself to be more desirable to them.

I also see you rebutting to a lot of people saying that women tend to marry up and not down. While that is true, I don’t think that correlates to power in the way you portrayed it in your OP. I don’t see how preferring a guy that is taller or makes more money means they want a guy that is rude and abusive to them or others.

TheNattyJew · 2025-04-16T02:00:16+00:00

Yep. Nothing kills attraction quicker than being kind and friendly to women. Their reasoning is that if you have to be nice to them, then you must not have any other options. If you have no options, she doesn't want you. If you can afford to be an asshole to her, then in her mind, you can afford to lose her, because you must have options. Kind and friendly men are boring to women. Women would rather eat glass than be bored

mineurownbiz · 2025-04-14T23:50:24+00:00

I think "nice" usually means like, was respectful to the service staff or stopped to pet a dog. Or listened without interrupting. Women love that shit.

bv0724 · 2025-04-14T21:38:29+00:00

I am not sure if I agree with this quote to begin with, but the general idea of what you are saying is,

Women are not attracted to men who are violent, but to men who are capable of violence and choose to control it.

or as Jordan Peterson puts it,

A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control.

The idea is supposed to be a bit more nuanced.

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-04-14T21:41:08+00:00

I don't really think it matters as long as you're attractive.

FearlessSea4270 · 2025-04-14T21:31:49+00:00

No, woman’s primary reason for being attracted to men isn’t power. Kindness is not weakness.

Have a great day ✌🏻

attendquoi · 2025-04-14T21:35:59+00:00

Chivalry ≠ kindness. If you're only holding doors open for people with vaginas, you're not kind.
Similarly, if you only do kind things to get access to vaginas, you're not kind.

Solondthewookiee · 2025-04-14T21:47:04+00:00

When women say they value kindness, you think they're referring to choosing where to eat?

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-04-15T00:01:05+00:00

Yes, PART of women (the primal sexual part) is drawn to power, authority, masculinity. That is not ALL of a woman, or necessarily the decisive part. Women have in-built tensions. You can't take one part of that and say 'Oh, this is what women REALLY want." No. Women REALLY want men to figure out how to be it all.

So yeah, being an asshole of sorts does make it easier to show the power and masculinity. But it is not the only path. Many good women will simply have the other parts of herself shut down the primal attraction your bad behavior causes because she also recognizes you are bad news.Of course, go the other way and seem kind and nice but weak and you will be in the friendzone.

Women aren't gonna change, whether they admit this all or not., They can't. It's hardwired. Men also can't change their own hardwiring. So I guess what men need to do is figure out how to be kind and powerful; masculine but also decent. If we don't, I guess more and more women will go their own way.

themfluencer · 2025-04-14T21:34:58+00:00

Nice and kind are different. Nice is what you’re describing here- people-pleasing passivity is unattractive, for both men and women. Assertiveness is attractive. Kindness is assertive- looking out for people and their best interests while speaking up for your own needs.

justdontsashay · 2025-04-14T22:12:07+00:00

None of this is accurate. At all.

A performative “nice guy” is often unattractive.

Being passive, not expressing opinions, seeming like you don’t care can be unattractive (your example with going out to eat is in this category, I think)

Kindness is an attractive quality.

Being a good, caring man is attractive.

You don’t seem like you understand women or attraction at all.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-04-15T02:50:59+00:00

I find it interesting that your sole example of “kindness” is asking your date to choose a restaurant. Because while that’s not unkind, it also certainly wouldn’t be my go-to example of kindness… that could just as easily be due to laziness of not wanting to come up with a suggestion. Not saying it necessarily is, my point is that it’s just very neutral and could be for any reason.

Kindness is not weakness, niceness is not always kindness, and “chivalry” is more about traditional gender roles, which some women are into and others aren’t. Basically, I’m seeing a lot of separate things getting conflated here.

And at the end of the day, most everyone appreciates true kindness, but that alone is not enough to generate attraction. I’m sure you appreciate when a woman is kind, but if you don’t find her attractive, that’s not going to make you want to date her. It’s the same for women.

themoderation · 2025-04-15T07:03:50+00:00

Only the smallest of minds consider kindness to be a weakness. It is the easiest thing in the world to be uncaring and cynical. It requires no effort, and there are no risks. It requires bravery to be vulnerable with other people.

You are confusing kindness with meakness, which is just being too afraid to assert yourself. Telling someone they can choose the restaurant has literally nothing to do with kindness or with being a woman. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had the exact same conversation with men where the roles are reversed. Same with movies, drinks, games…nobody likes having the burden of decision making on them with zero perameters. It’s the paradox of choice.

And chivalry? You should have good manners with all humans. Not because it will gain you sex but becuase being good to humans makes the world more pleasant. Good manners are attractive to most women. Ass kissing isn’t. Learn to tell the difference. Strength and confidence are attractive to most women. Simpering adoration and puffed up aggression are both THIN veils for a weak, insecure person. Not hot. Treating a woman like she’s some sort of queen isn’t kind, it’s dehumanizing and condescending. Treating a woman like shit isn’t strong or confident, it’s adolescent and off putting.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-04-14T22:01:33+00:00

I love kind nice hot men. It’s my thing.

Itsthethrowaway2 · 2025-04-14T21:40:54+00:00

This is an oversimplification rooted in outdated stereotypes. Some women might be drawn to confidence or assertiveness, but that doesn’t mean they prefer cruelty or disrespect. Being powerful and being an asshole are not the same thing. If someone is repeatedly going for someone who treats them poorly it’s likely a reflection of unhealed trauma or poor relationship models. But it is not a reflection of biology. Also, nice guys do get chances. But if you’re only being nice with the intent to get a woman’s attention or affection then you’re not actually nice.

nonquitt · 2025-04-14T22:29:27+00:00

Bro thinks women dislike men who are kind when in reality that it is literally the first thing they will all say they want. I love this subreddit so much. Here’s the blueprint of what women want man, and then beyond this every woman has her own things she likes of course, but this is the blueprint that should replace the Chad blueprint that a lot of people espouse here.

Kind

Good at something / passionate / has their own thing they are the LeBron James of at least in some way

Handsome

Taller than her / larger than her

Reasonably fit proportionate body type with some muscle tone / shoulder breadth

Likes her / indicates some level of liking her more than “any random woman off the street”

Can handle himself — financially, emotionally, mentally, socially, administratively stable — if she wasn’t with him he’d be fine — not going to fall apart if something bad happens

Sexually compatible (rarely do I see this be the limiting factor for women though)

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-04-14T22:30:05+00:00

Kindness is not weakness. Grow up.

BlessdRTheFreaks · 2025-04-14T22:03:10+00:00

This is so not true.

Being kind a very valuable trait in a partner. And being kind =/= being a pushover

Life-Income2986 · 2025-04-14T21:51:34+00:00

Hey OP, why do you feel qualified to make sweeping generalisations based only on what you have personally observed from online posts written by losers? This seems like shaky ground for a closely held belief.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-04-15T02:26:42+00:00

There is a difference between kindness and being a doormat.

I don't think women would be turned off if you open the door for the elderly or a person wrangling a stroller.

2025-04-14T22:08:08+00:00

Kindness is the reason I fell in love with my boyfriend, even though he wasn’t my type physically (at first).

SamuraiGoblin · 2025-04-14T23:37:41+00:00

Kindness is not weakness. What a ridiculous premise.

We are at the top of the food chain, the most successful species in the history of the planet, specifically because of our innate capacity for kindness.

There's a difference between thinking you're being nice and actually just being weak. And there's a big difference between actually being nice, and "pretending to be nice until she let's me fuck her."

"If a man is nice and asks her places she'd like and not "choose.""

Women are attracted to niceness, but it has to be accompanied with strength and confidence. A guy sitting back and letting her do all the work on a date thinking "I don't want to be pushy, I will let her control things so she is happy," is not being nice and it's not attractive. It's being weak.

Women want men to take the lead, but do it in a way that shows he's generously thinking about her.

"I'm going to take you to a charming little Italian restaurant because I think you'll love it," is the kind of thing she is wanting to hear.

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efficientaficionado · 2025-04-15T01:42:11+00:00

In this case, it is simpish kindness that is seen as weak. You know, where a guy will treat a girl he just met to an expensive dinner and flowers.

What women seem to want is a guy who has the ability to be both an asshole and kind. So long as she is generally the person receiving the kindness, it's far from seen as a weakness. She won't mind coffee or drinks for the first date, cause that's all he'll give her; and unless she's really asking for the mean treatment, he's generally good to her in an emotional sense; in that he also has the ability to put her in her place, which is part of being able to be an asshole.

Blonde_Icon · 2025-04-15T03:39:09+00:00

Men in the past were probably even less kind, wdym.

TigerBiting_A_Katana · 2025-04-15T03:56:50+00:00

Once again this is an oversimplification. Kindness from an attractive man versus kindness from an unattractive man is not the same. It’s received very differently from the woman in question.

So yes, if a woman is genuinely attracted to you, being kind to her will get you further than being a prick. (Assuming she doesn’t have some mental issue that predisposes her towards enjoying abuse).

One last thing, being kind is not the same as being a pushover. Don’t conflate the two.

desiringyouall8 · 2025-04-15T06:23:41+00:00

While women aren't attracted to kindness in men in a visceral, sexual sense, that doesn't mean they don't find kindness desirable in their boyfriends and spouses and even in causal sexual partners for other reasons, including reasons that, on an individual's level, are interwoven with what she does find sexually attractive.

I don't see how your example is one of kindness (which is different from politeness, niceness, or chivalrous). Kindness refers more to treating someone with the gentleness one would expect them to give to their kin. Gentleness does not necessarily mean an absence of strength either, but rather can also mean one has control over one's strength, especially in the face of the vulnerabilities of others, as opposed to being thoughtless and hamfisted, or worse, uses his strength to take advantage of the innocent in their weakness to his strength.

With this I mind, I would argue that women's overall attraction to men is not merely to strength, but more towards the juxtaposition of strength and gentleness, to the proper use of strength in the face of others' weakness. Or, if you prefer, women's overall attraction is to men who strike a balance between "alpha" and "beta" qualities so that they can utilize both as they judge fit.

Hi-Road · 2025-04-16T02:14:32+00:00

If you got 100% power and 0% looks I don’t think women are gonna be checking for you lol. Will you get women? Yes. Will they really want you? Probably not

I kinda agree on the kindness thing. I think the issue is dudes thinking kindness has anything to do with sexual attraction. For the majority of people, probably doesn’t. I know there are some people in here like “well I did t find my partner attractive till I got to know their personality” - cool. But there are people you can look at and be instantly sexually attracted to. The kindest men and women aren’t seen as the most sexually attractive of that alone. Alone! You need looks and kindness and status acts as a “multiplier”

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-04-16T12:23:30+00:00

False. Kindness is appealing

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-04-16T14:56:41+00:00

Disagree. Some women want a man who is assertive - being assertive =/= being mean, it just means the other person doesn't have to bother choosing and people are in general lazy so most people, men and women, do want someone else to choose. Lots of men also describe their ideal woman as someone who "knows what she wants and asks for it" aka assertiveness.

Women's primary reasons for being attracted to men is looks and personality, same as men's reason for being attracted to women.

Boxisteph · 2025-04-18T17:41:43+00:00

Kindness is power To be generous you must have a lot of something yourself. Kind men are generally secure and mentally stable.

Niceness is not kindness and women are constantly measuring personality proxies... Its the most important thing to a woman. A personality match

flyingpilgrim · 2025-04-18T23:23:41+00:00

Kindness is something a lot of women can and will be attracted to. At the same time, cruelty backed by power is something a lot of women can be attracted to. If a guy is just "nice" and not attractive, and doesn't seem powerful, then he's like the equivalent of being attracted to a cardboard cut out. If a guy is attractive and people respect his cruelty, he can afford to be cruel without retaliation, then a lot of girls will be attracted to that.

Manifestival1 · 2025-04-14T21:40:46+00:00

Power? No it isn't.

Kookerpea · 2025-04-15T04:20:35+00:00

I've known a lot of kind men who dated and married successfully

ThatBitchA · 2025-04-14T22:50:33+00:00

Women aren't attracted to power.

Well, most women. There's always someone with trauma who confuses power for love, attention, validation, whatever.

Women are attracted to confidence and kindness.

relish5k · 2025-04-15T23:26:34+00:00

men who confuse assertiveness for “not being nice” do indeed have problems attracting women

cutegolpnik · 2025-04-14T21:46:52+00:00

its also unattractive if a guy says "we're going here" without seeing at all if that's a bad idea for some reason.

OrganicAd5450 · 2025-04-14T22:23:04+00:00

A man who chooses a nice place that he thinks a woman would like shows leadership. He is not unkind, unless he is just choosing something he wants suspects she doesn't. A guy who asks a woman what she wants is not bad unless he makes her find the place. If he asks what she likes to eat and then chooses a place that has that, he is great!

Plazmatron44 · 2025-04-14T22:46:01+00:00

It's not that kindness is weakness it's just that women don't care how kind you are unless they find you attractive. Basic civility between an ugly man and a woman who's job involves interacting with him doesn't count as kindness.

EulenWatcher · 2025-04-14T23:03:35+00:00

Women, just as men, value both appearance and personality. Here we had a good post with the study on the topic and some data.
Chivalry and kindness are different things.
Nice and kind are also different things.
Choosing a place for your date doesn't necessarily mean you don't care about your partner's opinion. It can show thoughtfulness if you know them well enough what they like.
"Nice guys finish last" is just a way to deal with dating struggles by blaming the other gender and not looking at what you might be doing wrong. It's similar to "men don't like strong women!". Neither strength or niceness stop people from dating, it's some other traits or behavior.

TotalTravesty · 2025-04-15T00:01:31+00:00

A nice guy whose only discernible personality trait is niceness (so pretty much every internet nice guy) is a human-shaped vending machine of free favors. Fun to take advantage of, miserable to go out with on a date. Just look at your example: two indecisive people deferring to each other is an unspoken circle of hell.

It’s not that complicated. Consider the other person but hold on to your personal ideals and beliefs. Let me back up: develop personal ideals and beliefs first and then hold on to them. That’s the first step in no longer being nice and becoming interesting.

BrainMarshal · 2025-04-15T00:05:10+00:00

Dude if this is true where you live... move, and seek better women.

catdog8020 · 2025-04-15T03:28:37+00:00

I have a friend who is a simp to woman and he is always nice and kind but it’s not genuine. The problem is that when you are disingenuously kind it puts woman on a pedestal which shrivels up their V****A.

Complimenting woman, love bombing and seeking validation and being overly nice and respectful with the expectation of getting something back from a women is disingenuous.
That game used to work in the 1960s but not now. Many but not all woman are not interested in men and just looking for an excuse to emasculate and invalidate men.

Regardless, I think very few things can impress some if not many women outside of looks. Game, money, magic tricks, style and even emotional intelligence rarely has any impact on some if not many women in unfamiliar environments.

If you can find a familiar social environment that’s not gonna lead to a sexual harassment complaint then yes being kind if it’s genuine will be attractive. However, be aware that being continually kind to a women who is not attractive to you could be considered sexual harassment if your at work. Why? Because eventually you’re gonna have Human Resources call you and say Stacey reported to us that you made her feel UNCOMFORTABLE.

Reno0vacio · 2025-04-15T05:26:36+00:00

Niceness != simp/dormat/nice guy

Lightinthebottle7 · 2025-04-15T05:58:41+00:00

Watch less "alpha male" content, it is frying your brain. Like, the level of which your position is not grounded in reality is astonishing.

SayuriKitsune · 2025-04-15T09:36:39+00:00

nah, I wouldn't date someone who isnt chivalrous and kind. The only ones saying chivalry is dead, weren't ever chivalrous in the first place. Chivalry is not just done to get into someone's bed... Some men forget this.

gokeke · 2025-04-15T12:45:40+00:00

Excessive kindness is weak. Selective kindness is strength

RandomRedditRebel · 2025-04-14T22:21:18+00:00

Boyfriends are kinda like bosses.

When a man (boss) provides you with what you're looking for in excess (Money), you'd be willing to put up with the fact that he's a dick.

Not because of it.

Title	Kindness is Considered Weak, Weak turns women off
Author	YtBlue
Upvotes	52
Comments	365
Date	April 14, 2025 9:30 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jzam10/kindness_is_considered_weak_weak_turns_women_off/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/kindness-is-considered-weak-weak-turns-women-off.1549614 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549614

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