if men dislike high maintenance women then how come they are still pursuing them?

r2k398 · 2025-11-11T17:43:39+00:00

I’d guess that they like high maintenance women they just don’t want to be the one providing the maintenance.

midzeitgeist · 2025-11-11T17:36:54+00:00

Most men can't tell the women they follow online are "high maintenance." Men overestimate their ability to tell how much of a woman's face / body is natural. That's why they constantly have this fantasy of "the natural girl with no makeup on," then pull out a picture of the most conventionally attractive woman ever with semi-messy hair and a blatant mask of foundation on to show what that looks like.

Destinyciello · 2025-11-11T17:37:21+00:00

Uhhh because they are good looking?

When a man tells you what they like. You have to remember that the "are they good looking" trumps it all by a gigantic margin.

I might say "I don't want my woman to be crazy". But as soon as she is sufficiently good looking I am willing to tolerate plenty of craziness. Because ultimately the good looking is a far more important metric. That is just how the human male brain works.

Ok_Use7 · 2025-11-11T17:46:57+00:00

High maintenance could mean different things to us.

women who put so much effort into their looks, they will have extensions, filler, lashes, makeup, nice clothes, nice nails.

These women are my types but I don't think they're high maintenance. To me high maintenance would simply mean insufferable. For example, needing constant of attention and constance reassurance to maintain the status quo and security.

That's a lot of work imo which equates to high maintenance.

wtknight · 2025-11-11T22:22:59+00:00

Following on social media isn’t pursuing. My wife watches handsome younger fit Korean men in dramas, but she isn’t pursuing them.

growframe · 2025-11-11T18:42:39+00:00

High maintenance is not the same thing as putting effort into your looks.

SecondEldenLord · 2025-11-11T18:22:07+00:00

There is a difference between wanting to have sex with a high maintenance woman and wanting a relationship with one. Most men do want a woman at their level to be their wife and the mother for their children. When it comes to just sex, sure, they wouldn't mind a HM woman, just like you wouldn't mind a HM man.

Fan_Service_3703 · 2025-11-11T17:59:38+00:00

My GF is ultra high maintenance and pays for it all herself because she actually likes that stuff.

grillopie · 2025-11-11T17:33:18+00:00

ive never dated a woman with extensions, filler, or fake lashes.

in terms of who theyre following. maybe youre focusing on the wrong thing? maybe they happen to have filler or lashes or whatever, but maybe theres something else about them that is causing them to be followed.

IndependentNew7750 · 2025-11-11T17:57:15+00:00

Most men do not care if a woman is "high maintenance." They find it unattractive if a woman expects their man to pay for that maintenance. Entitlement is unattractive, regardless of gender.

MisterFunnyShoes · 2025-11-11T17:52:16+00:00

When men say and hear “high maintenance” they aren’t talking about an accurate accounting of time for a woman to make up her appearance. They are talking about how easy she is to get along with, how demanding she is, etc.

What is the psychological tax of being with her?

Shakturi101 · 2025-11-11T17:36:40+00:00

I don’t see many non high maintanence women. I also take care of myself and most women who do as well also end up being high maintanence. Men also are allowed to care about attractiveness and I know most women want a man who heavily desires them

I’d love to find a non high maintanence woman who was more into physical fitness/health and didn’t really care for all the other stuff you mentioned.

Not many exist

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No-Rough-7390 · 2025-11-11T17:37:31+00:00

It’s par for the course.

Edit: but for real, the mask comes off eventually. Every woman has her own thing.

It’s not crazy different with men.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2025-11-11T17:39:00+00:00

Never attempted to date women with extensions, fake lashes, or long nails. I find long nails (especially pointy ones) extremely unattractive. Many women wear makeup, and I don’t know if woman used filler or not.

Kingcrow33 · 2025-11-11T18:05:16+00:00

High maintenance to me doesn't mean that the woman look nice. It is a mindset.

Is she willing to stay in?

Is she looking for me to pay for her lifestyle?

Dose she complain about the gifts I get her not being expensive?

PrecisionHat · 2025-11-11T18:09:02+00:00

Do the men want to date and marry these high maintenance women or just sleep with them?

PoeticMoose619 · 2025-11-11T18:20:30+00:00

My guess would be some men genuinely don't like high-maintenance women (not into or indifferent towards various beauty treatments or procedures). They may not like some, most, or all of the things you mentioned in the third paragraph of your post.

I'm sure plenty of men would be fine with dating a high-maintenance woman if they didn't have to pay for anything, though. I'm sure there are plenty of men who expect a woman to be "glammed up," but he wants her to do it on her own dime. Perhaps that's what they're hoping for?

That's what I'd guess.

Emotional_Meal748 · 2025-11-11T18:21:31+00:00

Lumpy-Clue-6941 · 2025-11-11T19:02:29+00:00

The disparity between the appearances of the women in a guy’s IG feed and the women who will actually consider fucking him is worth noting.

You’re right that better-looking women tend to be high maintenance because

a) men are more likely to indulge them in if instead of walking away

b) femininity takes hard work (diet, exercise, shaving, make-up).

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-11-11T20:28:45+00:00

I wouldn’t agree that following them meant they were actively perusing a relationship with them. And even if it did it wouldn’t be the maintenance that they liked but simply that they were more attractive regardless of that maintenance.

DGenerationMC · 2025-11-11T20:39:18+00:00

"Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."

Frosty_Coffee6564 · 2025-11-12T03:08:11+00:00

Maybe they mean ‘high-maintenance’ more in terms of emotional support?

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2025-11-13T11:00:49+00:00

desperation and thinking too highly of themselves

eluusive · 2025-11-13T12:13:44+00:00

I think there's a misunderstanding of terms here between the genders. I don't mind a woman who's financially "high maintenance" as long as I can afford that. What I don't want is a woman who is emotionally high maintenance. That is to say, difficult to get along with.

Unfortunately, these things tend to come together and I don't think men really understand that. Women who put a lot of work into their looks get lots of attention thrown at them, and this leads to them becoming entitled. If one man won't do what she wants, another man certainly would. Why should she ever learn compromise?

peeper_tom · 2025-11-13T15:35:47+00:00

Mk ultra monarch programming. But i see how that can seem “nuts”. So please inquire or share your perspectives if this inter-rests with you. 🤪

SexCrispies · 2025-11-13T16:15:50+00:00

How are those men GOING FOR those women? As i understand you, they follow those women on social media. Is any of those men in a committed relationship with such a woman? No.

chocobolamo · 2025-11-14T10:01:33+00:00

Let's not normalize bpd

Throw_r_a_2021 · 2025-11-11T19:44:14+00:00

Because they’re sexually attracted to them.

Whiskeymyers75 · 2025-11-11T17:32:18+00:00

I’d say attractiveness. What do high maintenance women all seem to have in common? They look a lot better than the average woman. Which leaves me with a question. Are low maintenance women only that way because of how they look?

Chemical-Low209 · 2025-11-11T17:44:02+00:00

It's kind of a contradiction kinda isn't.

Are they being honest when they say don't wanna high maintenance women? Well yes kinda

They don't wanna women who thinks she's better than everyone else, who's too hard to please, who's arrogant, who only into material things, shallow, or very judgemental.

But that doesn't necessary mean that guys won't guy for very attractive or flashy women. They will. People still like attractive people. Guys are usually gonna go after attractive women regardless.

And are gonna shoot their shot with women who are more attractive if they are gonna shoot their shot

Icy-Gene7565 · 2025-11-11T18:04:16+00:00

Recreational use

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-11-11T17:51:05+00:00

I don’t get the concept.

Are these women not being “maintained” when they are single?

James_M_Croft · 2025-11-11T18:19:00+00:00

The usual "Woman confuse male lust with male love" post again.

The guys going in the profiles of hyper feminine pretty girls are after their bodies, simple as that. That is what actresses, sugarbabies, escorts, golddigers, models are, bodies that act in seductive ways. Not as single man cares about what they are beyond that because it may as well not exist.

Now consider the opposite. Ever noticed how paradoxically men also seem to hit on you and be more romantic when you don't look your best? It is because they are not after a body, they scroll Instagram or some adult site for that. If you want more than a body, you go for the girl that is not putting their all in their looks.

Men are simpler than women realize.

Complete-Record5167 · 2025-11-11T17:33:59+00:00

The men pursuing them are likely the ones that have a hard time getting laid so they will put up with shit.

Funky_hobbo · 2025-11-11T17:54:53+00:00

Men like eye candy more than women (oftentimes). That's why they follow these types of women.

They don't want to date them, they just want to appreciate their beauty.

berichorbeburied · 2025-11-11T20:20:07+00:00

Because they are attractive?

Men are going after attractive/sexually attractive women

Regardless of their requirements or standards or beliefs or careers or thoughts or actions or etc

Men are not women and women are not men

We aren’t looking for the same thing

Any man who says they are. Is either a man trying to get a woman. Or a man that isn’t actually attracted to women and just wants a working relationship on paper

Any man that’s attracted to a woman is going to accept her flaws depending on how attractive she is. & how much he wants her

Not all men. But in general

Like I said a million times. Men are not rushing in droves to look at 80 year old women. And men aren’t calling 50 year old women the peak of physical attractiveness for a reason. So it should all make sense to those who can understand

EugeneCezanne · 2025-11-11T23:19:43+00:00

i noticed each of them would follow online a bunch of women who look hyperfeminine and clearly spending more than enough time+money on their looks.

That's not "pursuing." That's just window shopping.

Anyway, the simple answer to your question is that the high-maintenance women are more physically attractive. Men value physical attractiveness so highly that it can subordinate other values pretty easily at times.

Another is that when men say "high-maintenance," they are mostly thinking about the amount of maintenance that would be expected of them: is she going to drain my bank account, require a lot of effort, etc? They're not really thinking of how much work women have to do. Most men probably have no idea what it takes to make an insta-hottie look like "herself" in a post. Men are somewhat notorious for posting pictures of women still in makeup as examples of how women look better without makeup.

Damn_thats_tufff · 2025-11-11T17:51:01+00:00

Trust me, its not the pursuit you think it is. Yes men want to experience them but they do want to commit for the long term? Most likely not.

Now as for your attractiveness comment. You need to cope. You’re “average men” dont necessarily pursue “average women” and doesn’t HAVE TO, just like your average women doesn’t pursue broke men. Men and women have different values in dating. Men typically places value on beauty first, so yes the supper attractive lady will get more attention than your average looking women… just like a rich guy gets more attention than poor guys.. Thats how the dating dynamic mostly works.

ViolentShallot · 2025-11-11T19:42:19+00:00

Your first issue is the misconception of "high maintenance"

You think we mean "that puts effort into her looks".

What we mean is "she demands a high amount of resources". Resources here being money, or time, or emotional effort, or attention, or problem solving, or...

Those two CAN be loosely correlated: a woman that spends a lot on her looks tends to care a lot about her looks, and be difficult in things like time needed or skewed priorities. But it's a loose correlation at best.

Second misconception is your understanding of "want". Want can be either "desire" (in which case we are primarily and almost uniquely about looks) or "want to be in a relationship with", which is where being high maintenance becomes a problem.

So, to repeat your question more specifically:

"Why do men say they don't want to be in a committed relationship with a woman that demands extreme amounts of energy and resources, but then lust over women that put a lot of effort into their own looks?"

See how that's much less contradictory now?

LoudPiece6914 · 2025-11-11T20:11:22+00:00

Because men want to have sex with those women, they don’t want to have a relationship with them.

small-pp-small-smv · 2025-11-11T22:07:50+00:00

Because unfortunately there's a lot of simps out there who will put up with bad behavior and women with shitty personalities

Bouldershoulders12 · 2025-11-11T22:37:48+00:00

Because men eventually learn even if she’s “high maintenance” there’s usually a guy who gets to smash for little to no investment if she’s attracted. Doesn’t hurt to feel the waters out .

SexCrispies · 2025-11-11T22:52:24+00:00

It's just not the same men

SeemedGood · 2025-11-11T23:37:23+00:00

Because only a tiny percentage of men enjoy the luxury of having sexual choice.

Women chose and men are chosen, and women’s tendency towards mate choice copying and high overlap in sexual choice creates a market in which most men have to cast a broad net in order to be chosen at all.

Alarmiorc2603 · 2025-11-12T03:26:52+00:00

OP you know guys who hit women have girlfriends right? Does that mean that women like getting the shit kicked out of them?

midnight_blue77 · 2025-11-12T05:45:30+00:00

Because they're hot. This isn't rocket appliances.

leefjk · 2025-11-11T17:53:22+00:00

If it was socially acceptable, and there were actually a lot of products for men's looks, they would probably try hard too.

Logos1789 · 2025-11-11T20:38:47+00:00

Because most women don’t take care of themselves.

N_Count_Council · 2025-11-11T22:49:52+00:00

high maintenance is much better than a complacent, lazy, fat woman. They tend to be much more physically attractive women.

harmonica2 · 2025-11-11T23:40:29+00:00

I know a couple of guys who are dating high maintenance women.But i'm guessing the women must be really good in bed for them to keep with them.

Sick-of-you-tbh · 2025-11-12T00:02:05+00:00

Because there’s not much of an alternative.

Title	if men dislike high maintenance women then how come they are still pursuing them?
Author	Rude-Solid674
Upvotes	60
Comments	285
Date	November 11, 2025 5:28 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ouflsk/if_men_dislike_high_maintenance_women_then_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-men-dislike-high-maintenance-women-then-how.1566280 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566280

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