Women put virtually zero effort into dating, and certainly far less than men

henryXsami99 · 2022-10-16T05:42:14+00:00

It's goes down to two situation honestly 1) if she likes you, she would put effort for you 2) if she doesn't like you, you have to put effort for her, to make her like you, and return to 1)

dbz19_kai · 2022-10-16T01:42:52+00:00

I agree that men put more effort into dating/relationships/sex than women do.

Essentially men are the go-getters, women are the ones who are gotten. Men have to ask out, men have to be attractive, men have to do this and that, and women just have to be there.

It's essentially why the N count double standard, or "lock/key" analogy exists.

It's basically like a guy who has lots of sex obviously is a guy who has a lot of things going for him. He has to put a lot of effort and be a desirable man.

A woman who has a lot of sex basically just has to be there.

Life isn't fair, life isn't equal, just roll with it.

RIPGeorgeHarrison · 2022-10-15T23:00:20+00:00

Redding that post you linked, I am once again astonished at how people on the dating themed subreddits are able to parse apart a man’s vent post (it’s usually a man’s, though sometimes a post made by a woman get this treatment) and identify 20 different reasons why OP’s dating struggles are definitely OP’s fault, and tell him to “do better sweaty” or even insult him in the process. Fascinating that these people are real.

CimZim · 2022-10-15T21:18:36+00:00

So, I doubt this will change your mind much, but I'm the same as the chick in your post. I always either go Dutch or pay for the whole date, I was the one to do the asking out 90% of the time, I planned the date or at minimum made recommendations that fit in a low budget, and asked about how the guy was feeling, what work was like that day, kinds of hobbies, etc. Although when I was dating I wasn't interested in sex with any of them in the beginning I did do things like initiate holding their hands and kissing in an attempt to show affection.

One of the things I'll point out is this; more men are against some of this behavior than you may initially think. About 20-25% of dudes I dated said they didn't like my masculine behavior. They didn't like me ordering and paying for myself or initiating affection or it bugged them that i planned the date. So this could prevent other women from doing so too, albeit probably not too many.

The_FatGuy_Strangler · 2022-10-16T00:09:32+00:00

I’ve also experienced the complete lack of effort from women that you have. 90% of them are pretty much how you described when you first match them, in fact they never even ASK me anything about myself to get to know me, which makes me wonder why they swiped right on me in the first place. Not to mention virtually none of them ever say anything clever, witty, or funny yet it’s up to me to be their entertainer like a dancing monkey.

GridReXX · 2022-10-15T23:39:51+00:00

Imo women put more effort in maintaining the relationship. And men put more effort into pursuing the relationship.

learn2earn89 · 2022-10-15T23:11:08+00:00

Attractive women. Y’all forget uggos exist.

catniagara · 2022-10-16T13:58:02+00:00

In my experience the less attractive person puts in the effort. If a guy is hotter than me I have to convince him. If I’m hotter than him he has to convince me.

Men often over-perceive their own attractiveness in expecting women to chase them.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-10-15T22:00:36+00:00

Women touch men they find attractive and give high amount of feminine IOI. They may not initiate grand gesture; but will use touch and a variety of other mannerism. What describe is very bizarre and not a normal experience of 'masculine/feminine' dancing - similar in Tango where there is a lead and a follow.

It seems to me you are only sensitive and responsive to strongly masculine courting rituals being done toward you; and are either unaware, insensitive, or disinterested in more passive/feminine courting and only able to read/pick-up grand gestures. Nothing wrong with that; but we should call it what it is, and be honest that this is not a reflection on women as a whole; but on the type of trait in a woman you prefer.

There are men, however, that are completely hypnotized by feminine detail - both in movement and response, and prefer it. Feminine courting takes place in small change, behavior, response/reaction, and beforehand. She may have just showed up; but she showed up in a particular way. She showed up "ready" to be receptive to him in the physical and mental.

It is my experience that these men are often sensitive to feminine detail, and will notice them and compliment them more than men that are more sensitive to masculine role and grand gesture from the woman. They often point out things that the woman is unaware that she is doing herself sometimes; and respond to it. They are also more keen to detail, such as a woman having manicured nails and polish color that he said was his favorite passively. Men think these men do not exist; but I've had highly 9/10 looking men have certain fingernail likes and love a woman's toenails. These men are hypersensitive to change in the woman whether she intends it or not.

Seems you were either matched with the wrong kind of woman or a woman that was not attracted in any way, but for these reasons the conclusion that women put '0 effort into dating' is obviously false.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-10-16T05:09:28+00:00

You’ve JUST said in your post you didn’t feel you had to do any of that stuff with this new girl

Why are you still preaching that men have it harder, you gonna lose her over this

rockerroses · 2022-10-16T01:32:41+00:00

As a woman, the issue is that we get shamed by other woman for initiating, paying for dates, etc.. our mothers told us to have the man make the move and if he doesn’t he’s not into you. The issue with that is that sometimes men are scared to make the first move And the woman will need to help him by asking him out.

hostility_kitty · 2022-10-16T02:30:01+00:00

Facts I initiated the first date with my fiancé when we started talking because I REALLY wanted him. It really depends on how much a girl is into you and if she flakes often, then she’s not that interested.

bunnakay · 2022-10-15T21:12:25+00:00

If I'm not putting effort into something, it's because I don't care.

pan3639 · 2022-10-15T21:17:23+00:00

Because they don't have to. That's how it is on easy mode.

urukshai · 2022-10-16T03:23:05+00:00

They pay us back in marriage.

14ers4days · 2022-10-15T21:59:50+00:00

Men do all that stuff because they want to. Women can't initiate or move things forward, especially physically, or they will lose all respect. If a woman pursues a man he'll think she is a hussy. I've actually had men get VERY offended when I tried to take the lead even a little bit.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-15T21:47:21+00:00

You're taking what men should do to be successful and comparing it to what women may do to end up less successful.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-16T01:08:32+00:00

Women don’t put a lot of effort into initiating the relationship. That’s true. But we carry ~80% of the relationship after the first few months. Usually, men pay less and less attention to their partner while expecting more and more of her time and energy. This has been by experience with every relationship. So I’m sorry, but I think men get a better deal here. A few weeks to months of effort vs. years to a lifetime, however long the relationship lasts.

anjovis150 · 2022-10-15T22:32:22+00:00

Generalizations the sub.

gymbro718NYC · 2022-10-15T22:59:01+00:00

So you are complaining that you had full control of the situation and full responsibility for how everything goes? I mean if you want someone to take you out and take responsibility for taking you to bed, perhaps you should try dating guys?

SincereJustice · 2022-10-16T06:32:26+00:00

We put effort into our appearance, which is the main thing you care about (and then get accused of vanity), and make ourselves available.

By the standards of history, which used to be “lock up your daughters behind guns and walls”, that’s plenty

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-16T00:21:23+00:00

You claim women don't initiate and then produce a recent example of a woman initiating with you.

Also 68% of people of all genders in the US believe first dates should be split/pay for yourself, this isn't rare.

Fairly recently I went on a date with a girl I could see myself dating seriously. I was taken aback by some of her gestures. Firstly, she suggested to actually meet up (on hinge) within the first 5-6 messages, instead of sitting there chatting for two weeks like some girls want to do. Secondly, when I paid for lunch she was very adamant about treating me to lunch/dinner next (and also offered to split the check, which I declined) Thirdly, she took initiative by text a few days when we were talking about meeting up again, to suggest she join me on a specific day/time so I can show her one of my hobbies.

This is very similar to the way I date. It's never seemed to shock anyone as a rare approach.

I agree that people whose first messages on apps are a 'hey' or an emoji are pathetic but this isn't gender specific; I saw it from both men and women and enbies on Bumble.

As for breaking the touch barrier, that should be a mutual decision where consent is at play, the burden is not on you, these are collaborative things.

You accuse women (in your personal, limited experience) of having sucky bios and then describe behavior you don't like that has to do with swiping and nothing to do with bios.

More women are approaching men than ever before in human history and the trend is only heading (slowly but consistently) toward more gender parity in this.

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uccelloverde · 2022-10-16T09:22:47+00:00

I pay in 3 cases on dates. When I invite because that's polite, when I feel like I make a lot more money than him and feel bad, and if I want to be as nice as possible while rejecting because he gives off red flags and I don't want him to get mad for any reason. I've had some guys insult me after rejection, harass me for weeks, stalk socials, go on weird tirades etc so at this point I pay preemptively so they can't use that against me if they get mad at me later.

If a woman pays for you and then doesn't want a second date... you're probably the second or third reason.

New_Relative_8709 · 2022-10-15T22:19:10+00:00

You probably don’t understand the concept of suply and demand. If they are getting a lot of attention while not putting any effort, why should they? If a girl can never pay for anything, never leave her confort zone and still be successful, why should she put effort? The only time i saw this mentality being bad for any of my friends was when one of then came out as bi and realized that if she wanted to get the girls she couldn’t just put 0 efforts and still manage to win

And don’t get me wrong, im with you in the idea the girls put 0 effort in dating and it does fells really weird and lovely when one does put a little bit of effort, but reality is, they don’t need it

vogel777 · 2022-10-16T00:47:23+00:00

"I have to make her laugh, witty banter with her, ask her out on a date, logistically plan the date, pay for the date, ask her out on a second date and so on

.

I have to break the touch barrier. That burden is on me. I have initiate the hugging, hand holding, kissing, making out and sex. If I fail to do so, in a limited window of time of usually a couple of dates, I 100 percent wake up to a text message saying "you're a great guy, but I'm just not feeling it is all." That window of time is real. If you're not at least making out by the 3rd date because you get caught up in your head, hello friend zone."

All that sounds so hard, I feel so sorry for the poor men who have to like think like what film shall we see, make some conversation, kiss your date goodnight etc. You men have it so hard, I'm literally traumatised just reading about all that 😭

Diamond-Breath · 2022-10-16T02:37:15+00:00

That's the least that men can do when women doll themselves up for a date and take on greater risks meeting a strange man. Sex is way riskier too for women, it's fair that men take the initiative and pay for the dates. If not, then women are practically carrying them.

AntiFeminismAU · 2022-10-16T01:03:56+00:00

As a woman, I think a lot of it is dishonesty on both parts. In short, I mean that she’s probably not seeking much from it from day one and wants to get to know more about the guy before putting in the effort. This is dishonest, imo, but dating is like anything else: what you put into it directly impacts what you get out. However, each person is different and I see the point in going “minimal effort” if your mind isn’t made up yet.

There is a societal expectation that men should pay. Or someone women will say “whoever asks should pay!” which is just code for: the guy should pay.

Wrong. “Whoever asks should pay” is code for if you ask you pay versus if the woman asks you out then she pays. It’s simple to understand. And yes, we do ask men out, just not as much as we care a lot more than just about how you look. I’d have no problem asking out a guy if I was interested in one. Stop defining yourself by what society thinks.

If you took an average woman and magically turned her into a guy, she would have zero chance at getting laid. Here’s a part of a YT video where a woman tried to be a man on tinder

I haven’t watched the video, but I have done this experiment before, just recently actually. And what do ya know, it was some guys on Reddit who kinda talked me into it. And on both Bumble and Hinge I got quite a few conversations as well as dates arranged. The women seemed really into me and it got freaky (I’m straight) so that’s when I just shut the accounts down.

But FYI

(opens with hi)

That’s why she couldn’t get any good response. That’s the dumbest way to open a conversation it’s really not even an opener. I was successful with the experiment, but I actually made conversation and kept things going.

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-10-15T21:49:04+00:00

certainly far less than men

Initially If men however invest their effort wisely, dating becomes fairly simple. Admittedly I never struggled dating. After my first divorce though, it was a little harder. I had so much more going for me though, so I still had a plethora of options. Which is key.

If men put themselves in positions, where they have an abundance of options, than dating does become simpler.

Godspeed and good luck!

cryptographicbot · 2022-10-16T00:04:51+00:00

Men pursue at first then woman has to do all the work when they het together… groceries, maintaining house and cooking, looking after kids… everything. I wish i only had to do the pursuing instead of s lifelong slavery!

Choice_Ad_6230 · 2022-10-16T02:41:35+00:00

yes, ok, what we doing about it brub?

Upstairs-Rip-604 · 2022-10-16T03:06:55+00:00

Online dating seems weird. Maybe try just making friends with people. If the relationship grows stronger, so be it.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-10-16T08:30:04+00:00

In my case I’ve initiated most of my conversations, planned the dates, paid for the dinners (I had one dinner paid for me). I’ve literally did put in more effort than the guys. I think it depends, you put more effort when you are truly interested in the person.

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-15T21:38:12+00:00

Meh. A lot of the work women put into dating is behind the scenes. They are expected to maintain an appearance, and are more likely to dress up for a date while men wear tshirts and jeans sometimes.

Even though it makes me kind of selfish, it is less enticing to me to go on a date with someone if I have to go get ready for something and pay for food just to see if I’m compatible with someone. I’ve been avoiding dating for the last month or two because I’m a little low on cash, so I’d rather spend my money on things that are more worth it to me. If someone really wants to go on dates with me at this moment, they’re either going to have to take me on a free one or offer to pay.

Ocelot-marmax · 2022-10-15T21:20:55+00:00

I've found women don't really participate in dating or relationships.

Sure they'll go long with everything if you plan stuff, but that's about it.

Then they whine about "I have to pay for clothes and make up and look nice so you pay for everything", which means, you pay for everything and I have all this nice stuff to wear for Chad so you pay for his nice looking woman.

Women don't participate because they don't have to. They have a full rolodex of just creepy guys in their 1200+ DMs and messages and swipes a day. She has to literally exist and show up.

They want you to "make a plan". Why? because they go through 15 suitors, rank the plans, order by "expensive", then choose the most expensive one with the most Chadly guy, and the rest are put in orbit on the back burner.

I'm perfectly fine with this, it's just how the game is play. Play the game, or don't, it's up to you. But those are the rules.

Do 100% of the work, if she shows up you're lucky. If she even does the token "pretend to pay half" on the date so you'll pay for it she must really like you.

Now I'm not suggesting a course of action, but porn is fairly low cost I'm told.

jjlew922 · 2022-10-15T22:24:56+00:00

So how did you feel in this specific instance? And how do you feel about her now? I’m genuinely curious.

AntiFeminismAU · 2022-10-16T01:24:08+00:00

Great post and totally agree. This is exactly why I’ve stopped making such an effort when they never do. I no longer ask them on dates or make any first moves. I ALWAYS split the bill to filter out the gold diggers who are only after a free meal. Why don’t you do the same?

nothatyoucare · 2022-10-16T04:41:26+00:00

Baumeister goes into this.

Bad_texter · 2022-10-16T13:26:12+00:00

Let me be honest with you…

If i’m already interested in a man, I’d do everything she did. Keep up a convo, show up, initiate next date (i do not offer to split but will suggest “let’s go to xyz next time, my treat this time”), continue convos etc.

I have been slow and not putting in much effort with guys who I wasn’t that interested in but willing to give a chance. I basically just show up, without extra effort. How much effort i put in is how interested I am in him.

daddysgotanew · 2022-10-16T15:52:55+00:00

Just be careful. I’d say it’s even a red flag these days if a woman is taking initiative like that. Next will be love bombing. She’s probably doing it out of desperation; the next question you have to ask yourself is “why is this young, pretty woman desperate to have a man like her so much” and you’ll then probably find some deep rooted psychological or social issues that make her difficult to date.

Being a non-Chad, I’m extremely wary of good looking women who show intense interest in me because it’s not the norm. It stands out and sets off alarm bells for me.

Weak_Ferret_5407 · 2022-10-16T18:53:40+00:00

Because they don't need to. Female is life on easy mode bay-bay.

LetSuitable5665 · 2022-10-16T19:04:57+00:00

Most of womens problems when it comes to dating could be solved if they put in more effort into finding their match. They have “themselves” to focus on, so it takes out more time then they’re willing to put in. It’s not gonna be easy, but nothing worth having comes easy.

H8beingmale · 2022-10-18T01:08:18+00:00

well duh this is obvious, this is nothing new, this is the way it has always been, and probably forever will be, hence why the forever alone community will always be male dominated, or just more common for men than for women to reach a certain age or certain decade without ever having dated anyone or had a relationship before

H8beingmale · 2022-10-18T01:24:31+00:00

another thing, women never risk having their social awkwardness or social ineptness being dismissed or labeled as being weird or creepy, whenever you hear of someone that gets labeled weird or creepy in social situations or social interactions, its pretty much always, 99 percent of the time, a guy, male.

Remy_me_me · 2022-10-18T18:59:57+00:00

Men run the race while women get to wait at the finish line.

fayaz_mogra8 · 2022-10-23T10:37:41+00:00

The exception does not make the rule

HimNeutron · 2022-10-31T15:25:26+00:00

Dated a girl and your situation is eerily similar to mine.

Don’t want to be pessimistic but just know she’s done that before with other guys, and there’s a chance you won’t be the last. Some girls are serial daters. I thought since she offered to pay (and forcibly did sometimes), initiated convos and plans, made sexual advances, that I found a good one.

Few months into dating the “coldness” started showing itself, she wasn’t initiating as much, longer to reply, etc. Everything was perfect until one day it wasn’t, and we were still even going on dates during this period. But she probably found the next guy.

I do agree that women should make more of an effort, but ones that show “too much” effort in the very beginning have done it before so keep your guard up. I say this all only because you said you saw yourself seriously dating her and that resonated with me heavily.

misanthropicman85 · 2023-01-27T06:23:21+00:00

This is normal. There are very few women on OLD and this causes a bad dynamic.They get bombarded by likes and messages so sincere attempts get drowned in the din of "yo" and "wat up"Due to seeing so many messages and gender dynamics, many never actually engage in swiping. This compounds the problems with the first pointCompetition is fierce and you will be passed up for the slightest errSome women on OLD have no interest in actually meeting someone. OLD to some is just a means of self-validation, trolling, or getting free stuff (this make all of the above even worse)Women have hundreds to thousands of likes. 5 to 100 active matches in day. Why would they have to put in any effort. Lucky they even respond to you.The few guys who get all the attention from women, take the women for granted.On the otherwise of things, both success and unsuccessful guys put out low effort for different reasons. Successful guys don't need to put out any effort, women throw their numbers at them. Unsuccessful guys, by definition, have tried and failed. So what's the point in continuously putting in effort when no one matches/responds back.

Druizard · 2023-02-01T17:44:16+00:00

Yo wanna fuck bro? Im here for you. We do deserve better #no homo

Title	Women put virtually zero effort into dating, and certainly far less than men
Author	HazyMemory7
Upvotes	244
Comments	364
Date	October 15, 2022 9:09 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/y4yq9v/women_put_virtually_zero_effort_into_dating_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-put-virtually-zero-effort-into-dating-and.1135495 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135495