Men and Women. Do you too notice that dating advice on internet makes men think women hate them for nothing?

WilliamWyattD · 2022-02-20T03:24:59+00:00

The modern sexual marketplace is characterized by an unprecedented focus on the ability to generate raw lust and desire in one's partner, and thus has become ahistorically visual, even for women. Another dimension of this is that men in particular care more about how much lust they stimulate in women, how long they can do so, and the consequences if they do not.

Raw desire stimulation may be the mating element where there is the most tension between the genders and their mating strategies. So this is a big part of why it can be increasingly hard to match offers with bids.

SupermarketFun21 · 2022-02-20T04:16:10+00:00

I kind of see where you're coming from, in that reading dating advice always made me feel like you need to be a thoroughly flawless, jacked Adonis who always has the right witty quip in order to stand a chance at attracting women. It led to me experiencing a very unhealthy amount of anxiety and sense of inadequacy, but only because there's actually a grain of truth to it. Women are, in the initial stages, ridiculously unforgiving and hard to impress.

But "hate?" Nah, not at all. It was always apathy I feared, not hate. Women like to keep their rejections as non-confrontational as humanly possible, and I've never read dating advice that implies otherwise.

Demasii · 2022-02-20T04:17:34+00:00

I noticed that in general women after the age of 23 to start developing a negative attitude toward men when it comes to dating. All due to bad experiences from men in the past.

It's a normal human reaction for both sexes. Over time the brain develops shortcuts to judge the person infront of you based on extremely limited information to help protect themselves.

C_Sec_Matt · 2022-02-20T03:04:10+00:00

I don't think you need to be extremely careful, but yes you do need to be careful.

Women generally have an abundance of men willing to replace you very quickly. These could either be her 'orbiters' or any number of the dudes she matched with on Tinder she hasn't messaged back yet (or at all)

Also; stop giving a fuck what women think of you, even if you are trying to date them. It shows a lack of confidence.

Live your damn life. A good/great woman will jump on your moving train, not derail it.

learn2earn89 · 2022-02-20T02:59:32+00:00

I think that there are very attractive women out there that have men constantly throwing themselves at them. Those are probably the women that hate being approached. I knew a Stacy that told me she hated all men except a few. Your average woman isn’t really approached. I’m below average and the last timeI was approached it was by an obese dude 3 years ago. I kept speaking to him nicely but I let him down gently.

logiauser · 2022-02-20T03:20:25+00:00

Because every man has likely been rejected for something as fickle as tying his shoelaces wrong. You can say one wrong word and torpedo your chances.

Women just have the ability to do this now, openly, so men are figuring it out on the fly and adapting. It’s so common that the advice is becoming common as well.

Be careful of the source of the advice you take. Most of the people here (especially the women) are long married/off the market. You’ll get all sorts of advice that doesn’t work in the modern market.

And yeah, it really is like trying to defuse something.

SladeWilsonXL9 · 2022-02-20T04:23:26+00:00

No troll, but I actually had a woman judge me for the way I tied my shoes. I do the bunny ear way because that’s how I was taught and it’s literally the only way I thought existed. Until this woman I was interested in ridiculed me and told me that’s for kindergartners and how adults do this loop way to tie their shoes? I can’t even remember what it was. I thought the bunny ear was the only way so I was in shock.

JacobMugatu666 · 2022-02-20T09:55:31+00:00

There is a lot of truth in what you say. Men are terrified of women in a lot of ways and this breeds resentment and hate, hence movements like the red pill and men going their own way.

The origin of this is both complex and simple at the same time. For one, I believe most men don't grow up with a strong male presence. Even if they grew up with a dad and not a single mom, chances are their dad was weak, let their mom walk all over him and they never learned what it is like to respect a male figure.

When your first experiences with males is that of loss of respect, you naturally extend that loss of respect to yourself because, well, you are male too. That's the making of a nice guy. Nice guys always talk down to other men, they consider men impure, bad, jerks, etc. and they see women as better than them and more deserving.

This leads them to seek validation and approval from women, which is a need they never got fulfilled by their fathers or male figures early in life. Men (or should I say boys) run around being concerned with girls liking them, validating them, proving to them that they are sexually desirable. But when you imbue someone with the power to validate you, you also give them the power to invalidate you.

This is where the fear come from. Men are terrified of being invalidated because they believe women have the power to invalidate them. So they either walk on eggshells around women or retreat into their lonely existence swearing off women rather than risk rejection.

But here is the big issue with this. I cannot think of something more unattractive than a guy who needs external validation from women. Women naturally sense a guy like this and they will usually reject him, which fulfills his self fulfilling prophecy of being invalidated. The reason this is so unattractive is because a man who needs to impress others is automatically seen as beneath them. If you do anything to impress another person, you are automatically communicating that their opinion of you is more important than your own opinion of yourself. And since women don't want a guy who sees himself as beneath them (hypergamy and everything), they will reject a guy like this.

The only way out is for men to learn to respect men and to validate themselves. Only you know yourself intimately and the kind of person you are. You know if you are honest, honorable, generous, a good person, someone who is fair, someone who helps his friends, someone who is worthy. If you don't feel this way about yourself, then you need to change yourself into a man you like and respect. Feeling good about you is the most important thing you can do about your dating life and sanity.

When you get to this point, you will cease to seek validation from women and you will be free to appreciate them for who they are and what they can bring to your life. You will stop trying to get them to like you or approve of you or find you sexually attractive, because you already know you are and therefore need no external validation. This will make you immensely more attractive and arousing to women than anything else you can do.

Now I know a lot of guys will tell me that they need female validation, but I want you to think about this. You are telling me that the only thing you want women for is to feed your ego's need to feel validated? That's the only purpose a woman can serve in your life? How is this any different than an Insta thot who needs constant likes on her latest thirst trap? Does that make you feel good as a man that your only use is to give her validation? Well, think about what you are saying because you are doing the same thing to women. Validating yourself and being secure and confident in yourself frees you from the need to see women as providers of validation and now you can actually get to know them as people and as the sexual beings they are so you can hopefully exchange some orgasms.

just_a_place · 2022-02-21T17:20:08+00:00

You think only dating advice makes men think women hate men? lol

Try:

The Media

Academia

The Workplace

The Government

Advertisements

Corporations

Hollywood

Social Media

Magazines

Television

Every book published in the last 10 years

Public Schools

etc. etc. etc...

But dating advice treats women as bombs.

Oh! You mean like this? [for the less perceptive out there "The Bomb" is a metaphor for women]

Athlete9000 · 2022-02-20T07:29:14+00:00

Women are not demons, however, if a woman is presented with more options than she can manage, she'd naturally pick from the best and develop habits to quickly filter out the rest. It's not hate, it just might not be feasible for her to respond to everyone, and of course she may just not be interested.

When you consider just how many men are competing for one woman online, it's difficult to not think about every action. People play the numbers game, because their chances of success are so low that they try to brute force their way into some action. On a general level, I'd say the intention of the advice that comes across as 'women hate men' is to make guys realise just how difficult OLD may be for them. There's some good and bad in it.

I think women really really underestimate the gap in attention men and women receive in OLD. It's definitely not ideal if men are contacting them mainly for sex, but I maintain: easy access to some form of intimacy is better than nothing at all, especially when they're also not fighting off stronger biological urges. They don't have to like it, but complaining to a guy about this is like complaining to a homeless person that you don't have a mansion... It's better than being homeless.

Vtridolla · 2022-02-20T02:57:35+00:00

Humans are shrouded in nuance. The world isn’t perceived as black y white.

Ill_Professional3797 · 2022-02-20T03:15:27+00:00

It's not really that women hate us. They just wish most of us didn't exist.

You have to be extremely careful with everything you do or say or else, you will blow everything up.

If you're on the bubble of being attractive you're so easily replaceable that she's looking for even the slightest reason to toss you aside and keep looking for Mr. Perfect-for-them.

toasterchild · 2022-02-20T10:09:11+00:00

Nothing is less attractive than being treated like I'm not a person because the guy is clearly terrified of my rejection.

Go for what you want. Like everything else in life it takes practice to get smooth at it.

bildramer · 2022-02-20T10:42:36+00:00

They do and it's obvious, that's why it seems that way. Most things are what they seem.

Hoopy223 · 2022-02-20T04:50:18+00:00

Nope but following dating advice blogs made me depressed and self-hating.

Most of the “Male Dating Advice” industry is a sales gimmick.

You make the person feel that they lack something and then sell it to them.

Complete-Temporary-6 · 2022-02-20T08:51:10+00:00

Women don't care about men as humans, they don't hate men necessarily. That's two completely different things.

LalaTheSecond · 2022-02-20T03:04:21+00:00

Men's sexuality is kinda repulsive when unrestrained and tempered by actual emotions toward the person they are with.

I know it isn't nice to hear but I figured i'd just be honest.

DivineDaedra · 2022-02-20T03:52:49+00:00

hurriedly hides horns and tail no I have no idea what you’re talking about no demons around here no sir

All jokes aside, women are human beings just as varied and volatile as men. There are good ones, bad ones, and ones who fall somewhere in between. We tend to be more cautious when it comes to dating/sex (some more so than others of course) but if you talk to us like you’re trying to verbally defuse a bomb it’s gonna feel a bit awkward.

The more comfortable and relaxed you are, the less awkward things are going to feel. Just talk to women like they’re people and enjoy the conversation.

Mobrowncheeks · 2022-02-20T03:06:43+00:00

That’s because women don’t “ like” men. They don’t care about men as a whole, and at worse we are a threat to them.

So Ofcourse you can say something that turns her off to you because she’s already defending against you from the get go.

Not to mention that every time a women finds out you struggle in dating, she claims it’s your personality is the problem, essentially saying your inner being , who you really are, is unattractive to people.

Suck-Less · 2022-02-20T05:01:13+00:00

Just being on the internet makes me think this. It has nothing to do with dating advice

prettymuchredpilled · 2022-02-20T06:10:06+00:00

Humans are ultimately lizard-brained and categorize people based on a few experiences. Women do this by assuming that the handful of asshole men who've approached them negatively are representative of the majority of men. That's why if you read dating advice written by women or male simps it tends to come off as misandrist (or is outright misandrist).

ericneo3 · 2022-02-20T11:55:27+00:00

But dating advice treats women as bombs. You have to be extremely careful with everything you do or say or else, you will blow everything up.

Not just dating advice: TV, social media, news, work, college.

Men have sit through mandatory classes/training for college and work as part of their induction/onboarding process.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-02-20T14:50:05+00:00

Can confirm I am a succubus.

sarkington · 2022-02-20T15:23:47+00:00

If you don’t have empathy or the ability to process sensory information, of course you might think women are big ol meanies

Most of us are not machines, however

dfmoti · 2022-02-20T16:25:48+00:00

As a woman I think the depiction of us as being these emotionally unstable things you need to handle with care is irritating. I think from both perspectives we are simple creatures. All we want is to feel appreciated and loved, that's the only dating advice that should really be followed. The rest of the advice stems from emotionally traumatized people trying to direct the ones lacking basic social skills. Dating as a whole isn't challenging enough to even require advice or the level of discourse that's going on now. What makes it hard is people who haven't let go of the hurt they've experienced.

And unless a woman is bitter, no woman hates men - and even the bitter women don't actually hate men they're just upset they can't find a partner that works for them. But again at the bottom line of that issue is accountability and self reflection.

Ranziel · 2022-02-20T19:34:40+00:00

Hate is harsh. When it comes to dating, women are akin to employers, men are akin to employees. One is in an inherently advantageous position and is going to leverage it for selfish gains. Such is life.

KingWhoCared86 · 2022-02-20T22:01:04+00:00

Pretty much. But honestly I think what curbed me off from dating is the constant war between who has it worst in society. I feel like I got burnt out from all of it. It seems like dating is this game of dominance, control and manipulation to me and honestly any pain I’d get from loneliness I can self medicate and ignore.

AnnoKano · 2022-02-21T02:24:50+00:00

Ah yes, treating women as though they aren’t fully human. What an excellent dating strategy.

WorldWideButtCheeks · 2022-02-20T09:15:22+00:00

We are not emotionless demons my friend! Stay away from toxic men who tell you this, they most likely dont want you to be as miserable as them☺️

Classic_Head3437 · 2022-02-20T03:27:36+00:00

Dating advice on the internet should be taken with a large grain of salt. It's mostly fat internet dorks salty because hawt girls don't want to fuck them

CrabMaster- · 2022-02-20T03:08:36+00:00

Its really not tough. Im about to give all the advice men will ever need.

Be tall, be lean, have a good job, have a car, have your own place, have a nice face and hair.

The more of these you have. The better.

LateralThinker13 · 2022-02-20T04:13:20+00:00

So if I enter a room full of women and get naked, they will probably scream and call the police instead of have sex with me.

Well duh. And honestly, if a strange woman got naked in my room I'd not be thinking sex, I'd be thinking setup, lawsuit, stalker, etc. This is not an unreasonable response.

But dating advice treats women as bombs.

Why shouldn't it? Most women aren't, but that's the power they currently have. They ARE bombs - some go off, some don't. Play the game, win scary prizes.

I know that women are different from men. But they are not some emotionless demons that will judge me even for the way I tie my shoes.

No, women are the opposite - emotion-DRIVEN demons who will judge you even for the way you tie your shoes.

And every demonstration of interest will be either rediculed or harshy rejected.

If you haven't experienced a lot of ridicule and rejection, then you either haven't dated much or are a wealthy chad.

RedWolfCrocodile · 2022-02-20T14:11:04+00:00

Dear OP:

Please DO NOT try getting dating advice from places like the red pill communities.

wtknight · 2022-02-20T03:12:50+00:00

It's not about women "hating" men. It's about teaching men to navigate women's choosiness. Men who are attractive enough who date women who are significantly less attractive than them won't have any of these problems. In fact, the women will actually simp for them.

TheMorningJoe · 2022-02-20T05:01:24+00:00

It sucks, if there’s one thing the internet is good at is making a dude feel like complete trash. I just want to happy lol

hearyoume14 · 2022-02-20T07:49:15+00:00

Part of it is hormonal birth control. It effects mate selection and we tend to pick unsuitable males (that aren’t as genetically compatible) as our bodies continually think we are in the early stages of pregnancy.

Honestly that is probably where some of this “She had a baby and now isn’t attracted to me” stuff comes into play. Between the forth trimester and seeing her spouse not pregnant or on birth control that ability to tell by a man’s sweat comes into play.

Both sexes have their issues and,as someone who works with the public,everyone seems to have lost their graces. When my autistic ass is one of the most socially aware in the room there’s an issue. Years of classes not withstanding.(In the US) people are out of shape, dopamine seeking (I think that is also an issue) and disconnected.

Online advice can be strange at times. Talk to your partner is good advice but more needs to be said. We can get ruffled and take things personally. Unfortunately you judge others by those you’ve known before. Especially if they were negative experiences. Who wants to allow someone to do something for you if it didn’t go well in the past?

Deidara-katsu · 2022-02-20T14:08:04+00:00

Enjoy your journey and don’t complain about any consequences that may arise

ruboyuri · 2022-02-20T17:05:44+00:00

Most men I know are amazed that women would want to fuck and be around them. Nothing about sex for women and living with a man is appealing to them, because they certainly wouldn’t want to do it; they just shrug and say that women are mysterious and full of feelings, and that’s the end of the explanation for them

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sibellita · 2022-02-20T11:18:17+00:00

Dating advice on the internet always makes me sad for our human species because both men and women seem so SHALLOW.

When I read a guy's profile and he spends three paragraphs talking about how his ideal woman LOOKS, I just shake my head and leave, even if it matches how I look exactly. And the same is true of women's profiles that I see.

BATTERY__AZIZ · 2022-02-20T14:04:09+00:00

But dating advice treats women as bombs. You have to be extremely careful with everything you do or say or else, you will blow everything up.

This is definitely true, but only in the beginning stages. Once you get to that first date and she in fact likes you and wants to see you again, then it finally becomes even vs. being so slanted in the woman's favor.

Superfluous_Toast · 2022-02-20T14:34:57+00:00

We're not demons and we don't hate you or want you to stop existing.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-02-20T18:32:39+00:00

Huh. It's almost like the feminist sexual revolution has led to hypergamous women getting used by the top 20% of men and coming to resent men as a whole for it. Thus continuing the cycle of lowering men's status in society.

drewbilly251 · 2022-02-20T18:52:46+00:00

Can anyone here tell me how this relates to the “shit test”?

I lurk here often and almost never comment because a lot of these discussions are beyond my communication skills and natural emotional intelligence.

I don’t know enough about the “shit test” but from what I’ve read it seems to be in line with what OP is talking about-basically just asking if this is anywhere near the ballpark and if anyone else feels it too and can speak to that in any way

ThunderToffee · 2022-02-20T20:29:39+00:00

I can't stand that bomb defusing approach. It fosters a way of life where you navigate every situation with fear. And it seems to be getting worse each generation, where people are just getting more and more judgemental of each other's actions and putting them in all sorts of categories because everyone now thinks they're a psych analysis expert.

Donn13diablo · 2022-02-20T20:34:15+00:00

There's some truth to it because I've definitely dated these "bombs" before. Everything looked at extremely critically, judged for every move made or thing said. That said, rationally i know not every woman is like that but i can see how a person that has had a similar experience can think most women are like this when they are fed the red pill logic.

ameleahj · 2022-02-20T21:38:47+00:00

No, we're not soulless demons and no we dont just look at you and fill with rage and chomp at the bit to tell you all the ways you're bad. You're really just looking at a small sample size of women and spreading that across the board. Sure there is the hypergamous and gold digging woman. But what of the 21 yr old registered nurse that doesn't date because she's too focused on her professional career, is she a soulless gold digging hypergamous demon or could she possibly be something else? What if women werent all the stereotypical "popular mean girls" in Hollywood teen films? Is there every chance that you're just being flooded with the same rhetoric, stories and scenarios time after time you can't see outside of it? What about the girl who works hard everyday to support her male partner in study? Is she a soulless gold digging hypergamous demon? Or is she a good girl? What about the girl that works at the library that you've never met, don't know her personality or hobbies but spends every spare minute caring for her grandpa? Does she hate your guts and is just waiting to meet you in public to shame you for existing? Is there any chance she's not doing that? Is there any chance it's not actually the majority?

Keepgoing921 · 2022-02-20T23:29:44+00:00

I sometimes see tik tocs of how other females are treated by their men and yes it makes me 100% feel ways I wouldn’t feel prior to seeing that video. For example my bf didn’t ask me to be his valentines and that’s all I seen this February was “my man asked me to be his Valentine’s (in such a special/ thoughtful way)”

FabulousFuchsbau · 2022-02-21T03:22:54+00:00

And women, are you actually emotionless demons??

According to the Red Pill we’re emotionless demons but also overly emotional demons, so I guess it depends on what Red Pillers believe now about women. I mean besides us being stupid but also evil masterminds.

masochisticanalwhore · 2022-02-22T15:54:19+00:00

Men already think women hate them for nothing

Pilling_it · 2022-02-20T06:57:24+00:00

Men and Women. Do you too notice that dating advice on internet makes men think women hate them for nothing?

Hate is a strong word.

Most of the time, when I read dating advice on the internet (which I don't do anymore unless it's something that I consider to be actually useful), it makes me feel like women hate me.

Don't forget the representation of the population isn't the same on the internet as it is irl.

Women are not as easily sexually aroused as men. So if I enter a room full of women and get naked, they will probably scream and call the police instead of have sex with me.

Personality doesn't win you many points, but sure can make you loose a lot.

But dating advice treats women as bombs. You have to be extremely careful with everything you do or say or else, you will blow everything up.

That advice is something drastic for people that lack everything. When you'll get some experience you'll notice some points to be extreme and you adjust. In this case it's more the awalt stuff : all women have the possibility to act in a given way, so don't put in your head that one is entirely different.

For dating it's a bit more complicated, but I don' t think it hurts to be a bit more cautious at first than what is needed rather than the opposite.

Aran82 · 2022-02-20T07:59:26+00:00

The posts are directed most likely at a top 20 percent men - the rest women don’t even notice much less hate.

Title	Men and Women. Do you too notice that dating advice on internet makes men think women hate them for nothing?
Author	Novatonavila
Upvotes	156
Comments	406
Date	February 20, 2022 2:53 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/swqyhk/men_and_women_do_you_too_notice_that_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-and-women-do-you-too-notice-that-dating-advice.1103954 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103954

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