Testing a potential partner with no sex, while having casual sex/hook ups with other guys before, makes no sense objectively speaking

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-08-04T10:10:11+00:00

This thread has been retagged as a CMV

HydrazineHawk · 2023-08-04T11:26:44+00:00

Golden Rule on this topic: when a woman makes you wait for sex, the sex is never worth the wait

Kilatypus · 2023-08-04T15:41:12+00:00

Having to wait for sex from a girl who is willing to give it out more easily to people she is hooking up with is like buying a product at a mark up while everyone else can buy it for cheaper.

Inb4 someone's bothered at the analogy equating women to products. It's a metaphor.

If there is a genuine connection going between a man and a woman, when sex occurs is not going to influence it. Withholding intimacy for the "relationship" guy incentivizes guys to try tovbecome fuckboys in order to get the sex they want.

TheMedsPeds · 2023-08-04T14:46:41+00:00

I am sure there are handful of women who do that. But I seriously doubt this is a huge huge issue. I think most women either think of sex as something sacred and wants to wait to have it with someone she is married to/seriously dating. Or has sex with anyone she wants to.

At most, I could MAYBE see if a chick starts talking to a guy on a dating app and he actually seems pretty cool and she could see actually being in a relationship with him. She might not fuck on the first date. But still would probably do it within a month or so. She is just making sure he A.) doesn't think she's a slut and B.) making sure he isn't only interested in sex.

But to think a chick is dating a dude for like months, while only holding hand and pecking him on the mouth then after getting home from her cute little date, she just jumps on Tinder and looks for a random dude to get railed by that night? Idk sounds like a caricature. Or something that's kind of rare.

prettycooldude1995 · 2023-08-04T11:49:30+00:00

the guy is literally getting cucked in this scenario

itiswhatitis1090 · 2023-08-04T16:11:56+00:00

What will happen is the guy most likely will be having sex with other women too.

ghiemba · 2023-08-04T16:27:41+00:00

People used to wait for marriage to have sex. Waiting 90 days is nothing. But I'm not waiting 90 days just to prove a point to someone that's gonna be fucking around with other people in that same time period.

Sad_and_grossed_out · 2023-08-04T16:43:19+00:00

Story time of my youth- back when I was 20 I had been talking to this one guy I had a bunch of mutual friends with. We had hung out like twice and made out one night, we were kinda drunk and went back to our friends house where some of our friends crashed out. We were laying together and he kept trying to take my clothes off. I wasn't really comfortable with this yet as it takes me a while to get comfortable enough for sex, especially back then when I was pretty inexperienced. I didn't know him that well yet and I didn't really want to fuck in my friends spare room cuz it felt awkward When I told his I was ready yet, he threw an absolute man baby fit, I mean he got up cussing under his breath, slammed every door in the house on his way out, and left. It was super icky and a little scary honestly. I didn't see him anymore, any attraction I had for him at that point was dead.

A few months later I started dating this other guy in our friend group who pursued me, I also didn't feel comfortable fucking him right away cuz it really does take some time to get to know people before sex. He was super sweet and gentle about it, didn't push my boundaries didn't throw a toddler fit, so guess who ended up getting sex after a few weeks? He did and it was cool, we had built up some pretty good tension and it was a nice time for both of us.

There's a lot to be said for building tension and not freaking out when a girl doesn't want to jump in and fuck you immediately. If a guy wants to leave after not getting it right away that's fine, he weeded himself out as far as I'm concerned.

My dating methods apparently work just fine I've been married for 3 years, in the same relationship for almost 10 years.

As far as I know he first guy is still single like 15 years later. I don't even ever remember seeing him with a girl ever when I'd see him around town the years before I moved states.

CharlerBubbenstein · 2023-08-04T16:41:38+00:00

When they are young and fertile they quickly reward sociopaths with sex. When their looks and fertility fade they find a more reliable option and test him and develop recurrent nighttime headaches. As old as time.

General_Ad7381 · 2023-08-04T06:11:42+00:00

I mean, I don't actually see anything objectively wrong with the "90 day rule." Lots of people like to get close just to have sex and then dip, but most of the people who are like that aren't going to sit around for three months.

Lovedbythesunandmoon · 2023-08-04T06:24:11+00:00

Most people have sex when they're comfortable and that can vary based on many factors. I don't think real world people have rules like this.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-08-04T12:36:26+00:00

Context is infinitely variable. Maybe Sally the student meets Timmy the Bar Bassist. Timmy is hot as fuck and Sally is drunk. Moreover, Timmy is kinda dumb with no future. The only connection is physical. Sally fucks Timmy the night they meet because it seems fun and she doesn't think Timmy can hurt her emotionally because there is no real connection.

Later, she meets Peter, a fellow student. Their chemistry is off the charts, and it is far more than physical. Peter could be a boyfriend and maybe even a husband. Sally falls for Peter hard and fast. But she puts off sex with Peter because she knows he is dangerous. If they bond even more, and he plays her or mistreats her, Sally is going to be hurt badly. So she waits on sex--maybe not 90 days--because she wants to make sure it is the real deal before exposing herself to emotional danger.

NoExpression8722 · 2023-08-04T13:52:46+00:00

If she’s “making you wait”, it’s safe to assume you are the beta-buxx. Do not fall for the “she wanted to see if there was a deeper connection” BS. Play it out if you want to, and then smash and dash. Or just leave immediately. Just because she “made you wait” doesn’t make her entitled to a relationship.

blebbyroo · 2023-08-04T06:13:45+00:00

Very few people have a set rule, but waiting to have sex even if you’ve had hookups is a pretty good vetting strategy and also allows yourself to develop stronger feelings beyond “yeah he’s hot and I like him” to “I can’t stop thinking about him and feel like I’m in love even though I know it’s too early to feel like I’m in love” and then when you do have sex it’s so much better and you feel so much closer

evadingbanslol · 2023-08-04T12:38:36+00:00

It's funny when girls pull games like this because I've ended up in relationships with some girls that fucked on the first date and the ones that like to "make you wait" it almost always never works out because of the games they play. OP is correct

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-04T06:27:37+00:00

How am I supposed to know he is a great man and potential romantic partner, though?

I have sex on my own timeline. It will depend on how well I know the guy, how comfortable I am with him, and how much chemistry we have. It does not matter if he is a “great man and potential romantic partner” if I do not have chemistry with him. But not everybody is going to hit it on the first date and that’s my right. And it’s not “withholding sex”, it’s getting to know someone before sharing my body with him. Which to me is fair.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-08-04T14:43:05+00:00

makes no sense objectively speaking

Well, for starters, this isn't an objective scenario, so approaching it objectively is of course going to fail.

I mean, if you are a woman who likes having casual sex/hook ups, what is the big difference here?

Because they're looking for a serious relationship, not casual sex.

Dudes on this sub have written dissertations bitching about women who have touched too many penises and the endless whining about body counts and "pAiR BoNDiNg," and you're wondering why women are hesitant to add to their partner count?

UpstairsAd1235 · 2023-08-04T22:21:45+00:00

A woman who is used to having casual sex, but who imposes rules for sex on a specific person, is not imposing those rules by any test or anything like that. She just isn't attracted or doesn't feel like having sex with him. If these rules are specifically for one man and not for others, then they are unlikely to be partners, and if they are, her attraction is not genuine.

She is different from the woman who, because she is good at controlling her impulses and for moral/religious reasons, saves herself for her future partner.

Cho_Assmilk · 2023-08-04T16:01:59+00:00

We aren't in a relationship till we fuck. Full stop.

So we may go on a date or 2, but after 3rd date if your titties aren't in my mouth, then I'm friendzoned and will seek other sexual interests. If our friendship turns into something more, so be it. Only way this changes is that you seek exclusivity prior to intercourse, in which I would have denied it and we went our separate ways.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-08-04T16:41:05+00:00

I see your point but guys do this to themselves, after three dates if you haven't had sex just move on if having a woman sexually desire you is important to you. If you agree to wait for sex you are informally telling her you don't have better options with women who will have sex with you.

LittleBoyGB · 2023-08-04T10:47:57+00:00

No one is entitled to sex but we are entitled to equality of treatment and if we're not then we can verbally vocalise and push back on that.

The people who know what this is about will get it and those that don't need not.

Ohmaygahh · 2023-08-04T14:30:02+00:00

It makes perfect sense. Imagine handing a hedonistic 10 year old child all the money in the world to buy ice cream. Imagine that child is you. What would you do with unlimited wealth.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-08-04T07:02:39+00:00

There's one reason, and it's the only reason you really need to know - they don't want to yet. It's very simple. The reasoning doesn't really matter. If someone wants to wait for sex and you don't then you break up with them. Everyone knows where they are. Just so you know though, the no sex thing is also to see what the man will do when life inevitably gets in the way of a sex life. She's not going to put the effort in if he's already pressuring her after a few weeks.

froderenfelemus · 2023-08-04T12:48:57+00:00

You can want casual sex and building a meaningful relationship before being intimate. Obviously they care more about who they wait for. Really weird to hook up while with someone you want to get serious with though.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-04T08:53:01+00:00

It makes a lot of sense if you consider that people can learn from their experiences at all. Women get their boundaries pushed a lot and might take some time to do what they're comfortable with. They may also adapt to the comfort, or perceived comfort, of different men. Anyway, it's a weird thing to fixate on considering that usually people just do one or the other.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-08-04T12:51:53+00:00

If he has shown you that he is a great man and potential romantic partner

Well usually, he hasn’t yet. He may show some potential but she is still vetting or waiting for commitment. If she had casual sex or didn’t make others wait in the past, she probably sees that as a mistake and is trying to do better this time. You might not like it but it’s not about you, and you’re always free to move on, because the right guy for her won’t have an issue with waiting a bit for sex.

Personally, I don’t like the idea of a set time frame to wait, as every situation may be different. It’s more a matter of when he’s shown the qualities and level of commitment you want. This could be as soon as a few weeks or not until marriage depending on the people in question.

SarsaparillaCorona · 2023-08-04T06:39:36+00:00

I legitimately lose interest if there’s no sex by the second date, and I’ll only allow that second date to occur if it’s incredibly obvious that sex will occur but couldn’t due to various reasons.

This isn’t because I go into these dates or am interested purely in sex, I just have a personal preference for women who are comfortable with sex and see sex as an enjoyable thing to do and not a tool to lock down ulterior desires or motivations. We’re both adults, we both know sex is enjoyable, we’re both attracted to each other, why not just, ya know, do it?

I think the mental gymnastics you see in women who engage in hookups but withhold sex comes from them wanting to have their cake and eat it too. They count drunken (and they’re pretty much always drunken) hookups as one night stands, anomalies, ‘not like them’ or ‘it made sense in the moment’ sorts of things, compartmentalised away from their actual dating life where they think making a man wait or making him chase will make him more attracted to her and make her out to be of higher value than they actually are.

Reality is that the men she hooks up with and the men she leads on to fulfill an arbitrary requirement before spreading legs are the same people, it’s just that the framing and context of the situations are different. In one scenario, she was purely operating on lust and endorphins, actually allowing herself to do the things she wants to do but feels (external) shame outside of the confines of being drunk, or high, or on holidays, or on a rebound, or bored, or home for the holidays, whatever.

In the other, there’s obviously an intention on his end or her end to potentially make this a more serious engagement, and the only way she knows how to assure that it’s serious to enforce limits and restrictions on sex in order to build the foundation of a ‘relationship’ and not a FWB/sex buddy scenario. If she fucks on the first date she’s obviously a whore who gives in too easily and no high value man wants a whore.

But high value men also have options, be them present in other people or in their inherit ability to find more people easily. When presented with a woman who is obviously interested but refuses to sleep with him he sees a woman who is ashamed of her own sexuality and he sees someone who perceives sex as a tool for manipulation instead of something that is done because it feels good. That is inherently unattractive for a long term prospect because investing emotion and care into someone who does that is incredibly painful and damaging.

Also who the hell wants to wait weeks, months even years only to find out she’s bad in bed? Same goes for women? Why invest all this time and emotional energy only to find out he’s got a two inch pecker and thinks foreplay is the removal of clothing?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-08-04T07:58:25+00:00

Premise: lots of men like sex. Lots of men will pretend to like a woman for sex. Lots of men will pump and dump or linger in the "grey area" for sex.

Situation 1:

Woman wants sex. Woman goes to club and finds hot guy for sex.

There are no feelings or emotions involved. Only sex. Does it matter if the guy just wants sex or doesn't actually like her? No it does not. Because they both just want sex. No feelings are hurt if he disappears the next day

Situation 2

Woman likes man. Woman wants relationship with man.

Does it matter if the guy just wants sex or doesn't actually like her? Yes. Yes it does.

Will feelings be hurt if he disappears the next day? Yes

How do you know he likes you and possibly a relationship with you and not just sex? Many ways, but not having sex with him is one.

Because if he just wants sex he's more likely to give up early. Less emotional investment and less emotional hurt when he disappears.

Does it work all the time? No. Does it work enough of the time? Yes.

Dstar538888 · 2023-08-04T14:32:26+00:00

These discussions are pointless because you can’t dictate when or who a woman has sex with🤷🏽‍♀️ it’s completely out of your control, so screaming into the void about it is not going to solve anything 😬

RonMexico432 · 2023-08-04T16:38:23+00:00

Of course it's a test. She's she's you as more than dick and wants to be sure you're not another sh*tbag trying to get his Nutter Butter touched. It's not that hard. Guys should try understanding women as much as they complain about them thinking not exactly like horny desperate guys.

63daddy · 2023-08-04T16:59:42+00:00

I disagree. Wanting to test compatibility isn’t the same as being insecure. Wanting to test compatibility doesn’t mean men are entitled to sex. You are conflating different concepts as if they are the same.

I may want to try working out at a gym before committing to a 3-year contract. That doesn’t mean I’m entitled to have gyms provide a free introductory membership. However, a gym choosing to let me try it out for compatibility is more likely to get my long term commitment to them than one that is not. Same thing.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-08-04T12:10:18+00:00

i mean, its not something i ever did--it absolutely does make perfect "sense", the two things are wholly unrelated. the person you are waiting on sex with you are hoping gets emotionally invested before sex so that they don't leave after sex, the people you are having sex with you don't give a shit if you keep seeing them or not. you're whole self-esteem analysis is bizarre and just not what's going on there. there is literally NO other way woman can do this except to sleep with every man she meets and hope for the best

SierraMistSoda · 2023-08-04T13:14:17+00:00

People should have sex when both people are comfortable. Maybe she needs to build a connection to the man before having sex so she can bond. Hookup sex is normally alcohol driven and also its less about the women complete enjoyment.

If she had a few hookups does that mean she is forever suppose to give sex to a man she is talking to right away because its not fair to him that she had those hookups years ago?

If a guy really like a girl, and I mean really likes her, he will tip toe around the sex topic. He doesn't want to scare her off and he really likes he and wants to make sure everything goes right.

2023-08-04T14:47:09+00:00

You know the fish/fisherman analogy that men like to use? The waiting for sex one is the woman’s way to fish. Of course fish don’t like it.

Guess what — if a man is willing to wait for sex, it means he likes the woman more than her body. It suggests that if she couldn’t have sex one day (childbirth, cancer, etc) that he is still happy to be with her because his soul is courting hers, not his penis just being antsy for pussy. If you have sex too early, sure men will be like “nooo if I really like her I’ll keep dating her!” But we don’t know the “if I really like her” bit. How do you, as a man, prove that you really like a woman? Love bombing? Lots of fancy dates? Gifts? No, that could be “pay to play” as a strategy to fake actual interest.

If you really like someone, you’re willing to do hard things for them. I’m sure that the 90 day rule flies out the window if a man is doing difficult chores for her — ie helping her move, building a fence etc. But we typically don’t have hard things lying around for a man to do in this day and age. So what hard thing can a man do? Keep it in your pants while you wait for us. So yeah, say it’s simp or beta behavior all you want. WE DON’T WANT “ALPHA” IF ALPHA HASN’T PROVEN HIS TRUE INTEREST.

Now as a woman who’s never done casual sex, I can’t speak for that perspective. But I will say — judge how you want to be judged. You do something stupid in your youth? Want us to hold it against you forever? Sure go ahead and filter out those who’ve had casual sex. Like a pattern of casual sex I can see being insulting to men. But once or twice as a college student? You’re being absolutely silly twisting yourself into knots.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-08-04T15:18:33+00:00

It's not a test, it's a filter. It makes perfect sense. Each person is different. My needs are different. Sometimes it's a quick fuck. Sometimes, you want to pursue more, so sex is delayed. Different people, different experiences.

If I want to wait 7 days with John, 30 days with Mike, and 90 with Tim, that's perfectly fine. It's my prerogative to do so. If they don't want to wait, they can leave. No one is being forced. John doesn't know Mike or Tim. Tim doesn't know John or Mike. Mike doesn't know Tim or John. So none of them would know when sex was had with someone else.

basic1091 · 2023-08-04T18:46:55+00:00

Why does it make no sense? U know that men often pretend to be interested in you or a serious relationship with you to get what they want and then lose the interest. The whole concept of waiting is to make sure he is interested in you long term. I think that makes perfect sense when u are looking for a serious relationship. If you, as a woman, only look for something casual, fun or a hookup then there is no real reason to wait with intimacy.

So it has nothing to do with the man, it has to with the womans intention with the man. When she falls in love with him and wants something serious, but he ghosts her after having intimacy, that shit hurts bad! So many women rather wait to avoid the heartbreak.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2023-08-04T13:33:44+00:00

It's supposed to not make sense to see how you respond to it, they just want something different so they have a different approach which is perfectly reasonable, most men are just pissed about it not being fair or anything but it's also not like you should be treated as if she should be equally slutty forever, how would that make sense

DatingVX · 2023-08-04T10:32:21+00:00

This is what women told me;

If I sleep with a guy very fast, I have no respect for him (as in, not boyfriend material) If I make a guy wait, I do and I see him as boyfriend material.

Of course for men, this is backward as always. Because we see it as a greater disrespect to make us wait longer, and more of a win if we get it right away.

Regardless, it does make sense. If you want a future with a man you almost have to pretend you don't have the sexual history you do, and you're not capable of the ''slutty'' things you are, because well.. you're trying not to be perceived as slutty. I dont mind the 3 date rule, but stretching it beyond is not for me either.

flumberbuss · 2023-08-04T06:31:06+00:00

People can change. A woman could have gone through a fuck around phase and decided it didn’t work for her, then switched to a no-sex until 10 date rule, or 90 day rule, or whatever. Don’t get mad at people trying different approaches just because you missed out on a phase you like.

But I think all such rules can and should be treated as guidelines and not rigidly. That is, if you have reasonable judgment. I have multiple times slept with women on the first night we met, and gone on to LTRs. I married one such person and had children with her. First night we met at a bar and spoke animatedly for hours. Both falling for each other. She left because she thought she would fuck it up and I wouldn’t respect her if she slept with me on the first night. But then she changed her mind and called me after I got home. I’ve never understood men who don’t respect women who fuck on the first date, but it’s common, so hard to begrudge a woman who wants to wait.

HydrazineHawk · 2023-08-04T09:43:46+00:00

I don’t mind the 90 day rule. Plenty of women willing to bang on the first date once they find out the simp that waited for 90 days either has a terrible sex drive or is one of those bible thumpers that’s bad at sex.

If a woman is making you wait for sex, wait for her, but also keep having sex with other women in the meantime. She isn’t owed your chastity lmao.

John_Oakman · 2023-08-04T11:31:29+00:00

But it does make a lot of sense: she's treating him differently than all of her previous partners (or hookups or whatever), that special (in the sense that it is different from the rest) treatment.

And if that treatment deters all the fuckbois, "nice guys", and other manipulative & unsavory characters more concerned with sex than emotional connections? So much the better.

Usual-Leopard-9102 · 2023-08-04T06:29:54+00:00

The problem with this is different. People thing they can chance someone with it. But that doesnt work. Sure you can see if someone wants more then just sex with it....in part......But you wont put someone into a relationship with it.

We had the talk about this stuff when i was 15 and there where a few naiv ones in this age fine. With 18+ i dont knew girls/women that didnt understand it. What they said was "I want more then just sex and i want to at least date him 3 times to see what his intentions are." It was not about waiting 3 dates in this case it was to get time to get to know the person. The time to "check him".

And yes some did have just sex with other guys they didnt wanted more with. But they clearly stated "yeah i know i would never want a relationship with him". It was just yeah different emotions.

I understand why. Its not about beeing logical or fair more about personal emotions.

Weird but beheaving sexy but shitty as a guy helped, beeing to nice put you in the "i cant have just sex with you i want more zone." lol

Yeah i dont see a problem in the reasoning from those people. If it would be just rational sure but its about emotions too.

c0pkill3r · 2023-08-04T15:47:49+00:00

I disagree as someone who's been in lots of relationships with self identified cucks and submissives. Lots of guys who say they don't masturbate, but rather would like to have sex, so they would like a woman to show them when and how to become sexual. It comes across as sweet. And often a lot of those types don't know what no fap is, it's just a natural inclination. However some of the types who talk about no fap will admit a darker side to that thinking. They will talk about becoming porn addicted and enjoying darker porn where the woman is getting raped/abused. How they had fears of their sadistic desires because of it, and decided to do no fap for that reason. So some men who are aware of the darker side of themselves enjoy being cucked in order to suppress it. From a DID framework you could say it's done in order to "switch" them to more feminine sides. The woman might want this, and actually prefer it, because lesbian romantic, bi romantic, pan romantic, omni romantic women exist. So she might be out loud be saying something like "this Chad has a way bigger dick than you, he's got muscles, he's my daddy Dom, you are nothing but a worthless little boy compared to him" but what she feels emotionally is that she's in love with the cuck and that extends beyond sex. This can be especially potent with women who know how to objectify hard men and turn them into toys. Because she can also make the cuck feel special and privileged for being so close to her emotionally even if he doesn't get sex. Playing with men's Madonna whore complexes. And asking him what's the purpose of him wanting sex in the first place.

It reminds me of this phone sex I had on discord. It was months back but I still remember it really well because I hardly do that type of stuff anymore after something really traumatic happened to me. But the guy started telling me about how he was a virgin and I said "oh you're a virgin? That's really cool" and he got so angry and started saying I wasn't supposed to say that and I wasn't a normal woman. I quickly figured out that he wanted the type of stuff that I described above. But I was so reluctant. I remember telling him "I'm a cuck" and he got so angry, again, and started saying he was a cuck too. As if his desires to be one were more important than mine because he was a man. It was the most angry phone sex I ever had. He kind of forced me to dominate him. And told me he knew he was doing that too. 😅

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-08-04T10:31:29+00:00

That's a lot of words but all I'm hearing is "waaaah I don't like it when you do that if you do that then...then... you're a mean crazy stupid poopyhead and should feel bad"

Any guy just looking for a bit of casual is going to have a point beyond which he is unwilling to invest in keeping up a facade in order to maintain the possibility. Obviously that point is going to vary with the man and with the amount he wants the woman he is after. I suspect a lot of men would be willing to wait for months to prove themselves to a very beautiful woman.

Like any other tactic, holding out is one that is perfected with use followed by reflection upon that use. If she holds out longer than necessary and a guy walks when she would rather he stayed there's a bunch of lessons in that. If she doesn't hold out long enough there's a bunch of different lessons.in that. And these lessons from experience are a thousand times more accurate and useful and teach good judgement in use of the tactic better than anything a man has to say about what he thinks about holding out in general.

You just can't trust what men have to say on this one. They don't like it. Everything they have to say means "but I don't like it stop doing things I don't like". We know they don't like it. But oh do many of them tolerate it adequately for our purposes. And...it's still a useful tactic and if it appeals to a woman to use that tactic it is best learned in use... without paying much concern to random men not liking it. The only thing that matters is how the specific man is interacting with the tactic. A million men on Reddit could post carefully constructed arguments as to why they think as a tactic it is this that or the other and the women who do it are whatever something however bad...and it won't make a damn bit of difference. The tactic has been known to work and is best learned in use and definitely men are not reliable sources of advice on it.

NaughtyNorwegians · 2023-08-04T08:15:15+00:00

Waiting with sex allows for a more deep and genuine mental and emotional connection to develop. Casual sex just stays casual, no deep emotions involved. You cant compare the two. If Im looking for a relationship and emotional connection I wont involve sex before we know if we are compatible as potential life partners. Cause having sex can mess it all up and make you connected on false premises, thats how you end up in a hopeless relationship where you arent really compatible

daddysgotanew · 2023-08-04T11:38:48+00:00

No it doesn’t and you should walk away if you ever find yourself in this situation. If she doesn’t fuck you on the first/second meetup, she’s either not attracted to you/has hang ups about sex or possibly both.

The sex is never worth the wait

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-08-04T14:48:44+00:00

Alpha fucks/beta bucks

quadzillax · 2023-08-04T06:26:01+00:00

Sex is not always an act of love. Sometimes it’s a frenzied ritual where bodily needs are met.

Men and women both attach too much meaning to the act and less so the intent.

Still_Succotash5012 · 2023-08-04T17:48:42+00:00

It doesn't make any sense, and if she's making you wait but you know she couldn't help herself from jumping on the last guys she was with, get out now. It won't get better.

Skirmish101 · 2023-08-05T01:21:58+00:00

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. I wouldn't even bother if that were happening to me.

moncombat · 2023-08-05T01:48:42+00:00

Only whores would do that

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Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-08-04T12:04:18+00:00

Very few women do this

wtknight · 2023-08-04T12:19:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

papichino88 · 2023-08-04T17:10:04+00:00

I believe it is prudent for women to secure at least a show of investment (time, emotional and/or financial) before she has sex with a man. But she also needs to recognize if she had one night stands in the past or even worse, is still actively in a hookup mindset while selectively enforcing this rule, then her market value takes a hit.

If we accept the premise that men exchange time, energy and resources for sex then no man wants to find out that the woman he is investing in gave up her body for little to no investment from another man. It's a similar feeling to a woman being perfectly happy paying $100 for a dress that she loves then finding out another woman purchased it for $10. She will rightfully question the value of the dress that she purchased. However, if that dress has always been priced at $100 and cannot be found listed at a lower price, then the seller establishes authentic value while the buyer will never run into any remorse for their purchase.

NittyGrittyDiscutant · 2023-08-04T19:19:52+00:00

agree, feels off to me

not even mentioning the fact that i would be deep thinking bout how our future sexual life would look like if she can withhold for so long

Horses4causes · 2023-08-05T11:59:50+00:00

Women have become enslaved to men demanding sex. Liberation is disguised subjugation. Empowerment is disguised subordination.

2023-08-05T13:22:40+00:00

Yeah, red flag. "Testing" is pretty shit to begin with, but if a "test" ends up feeling like blatant disrespect I would be out of there in a split second.

PM_ME_YOUR_DONGERZ · 2023-08-05T17:50:30+00:00

I'm on team women with this one. The solution to 90% of women's dating problems is to pick better. But it's not only picking better, it's vetting for longer. For the type of relationship I want this is the ideal way to go.

goodwill299 · 2023-08-06T00:16:57+00:00

Dating a guy and not sleeping with him but sleeping with other guys is crazy and so fucked up.

omegapro95 · 2023-08-09T12:19:26+00:00

When women make you wait for sex is because she isn't that into you, whoever, she probably had casual impulse sex before with guys she lusted for. But you, you just the safe option for her, but not what she desires.

Comfortable-Hall1178 · 2023-10-06T23:03:36+00:00

I guess I see the point of this post. I want a Boyfriend, and I’ve had sex with 4 men, none of which ever became my Boyfriend. I was an incel until I was 28, also a Virgin until I was 28. The first man I had sex with I have seen a grand total of 4 times between when we met and had sex on March 22, 2022 and today, October 6, 2023. He’s a single dad and he works in another city from the city we live in, and his daughters live in another city still. All in the Province of Alberta.

The second man was FWB from April 25, 2022-January 31, 2023. He dumped me entirely as a friend on February 6th when he texted me to say he met somebody and was dating her, after telling me we would still be friends. He tried to end sex twice during those 9 months because I was struggling with sex and often appeared traumatized, but I insisted on keeping sex because I felt he was being unfair and was giving up on me, and I didn’t wanna lose him, even though he kept saying he thought it was best for me if we went strictly platonic, but I pushed about sex, and he ultimately changed his mind and kept having sex with me until he got a girlfriend. He knew I didn’t wanna lose his friendship, but I lost it anyway the moment he got a girlfriend. I signed up for FWB. I didn’t sign up to be tossed aside like I mean nothing. I liked him, and I wanted to keep our friendship, but I haven’t seen him since we last had sex on January 31st. He broke my heart.

The third man was a one-off. No big loss there.

The fourth man is a really good friend, and I keep hoping we can be something more someday, but I won’t make the same mistake with him that I made with the FWB.

I just want a man to want me for me and not just for sex. I have Autism, ADHD, I’m on Disability, I have a job now, I work out, I swim, I eat healthy food, I go to Karaoke on Saturday nights, I love Superheroes and Disney (Specifically The Lion King and Bambi), I love Vampires and drawing and painting and writing and reading. I want sex, but it’s not the ONLY thing I want. I want connection and feelings and mutual attraction and all that stuff.

Title	Testing a potential partner with no sex, while having casual sex/hook ups with other guys before, makes no sense objectively speaking
Author	UpstairsAd1235
Upvotes	201
Comments	352
Date	August 4, 2023 5:58 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15hrlzc/testing_a_potential_partner_with_no_sex_while/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/testing-a-potential-partner-with-no-sex-while.1227454 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227454

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