Would you be willing to g to forgo all casual sex if it meant dating went back to how it was before?

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-01-02T12:43:09+00:00

This is what I am doing right now so no problem

Spirited_Cod260 · 2025-01-02T14:10:46+00:00

Before when?

People were hooking up and fucking 10 years ago.

People were hooking up and fucking 20 years ago.

People were hooking up and fucking 30 years ago.

People were hooking up and fucking 40 years ago.

People were really hooking up and fucking 50 years ago (the 1970s were wild).

veloron2008 · 2025-01-02T13:18:48+00:00

Dating and relationships were far more stable and long-term before. But, online dating has largely monetized, commoditized, and rendered the process into something similar to a shopping experience.

So now, people have been conditioned to expect and accept much more transitory relations (fwb, situationships) revolving purely around sex.

But, sex is a relatively small part of any (healthy) relationship. Having it as the primary driver is inherently unstable and collectively unsustainable for any society.

What's so great about casual sex anyway? I would think it gets old after a while, becoming more of a chore with all the drama and potential baggage.

Is it worth sacrificing so much in terms of stability and depth of connections? Life passes quickly, which isn't realized until we are much older.

My answer is obviously yes, because I believe casual sex to be ultimately empty and unfulfilling, if not outright damaging and alienating.

Separate-Sector2696 · 2025-01-02T12:14:31+00:00

Duh, the vast majority of men can't get casual sex anyway.

izzzy12k · 2025-01-02T17:23:23+00:00

Sure, I'm not one of the lucky ones to have such options...

I have had too many first dinner dates to count. There were many instances where I hadn't even gotten back on the road, when leaving and already had received the "this isn't going to work, thanks for the meal" text message.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2025-01-02T22:26:20+00:00

80% of men will never have casual sex. It was never an option for them to begin with

DumbWordsmith · 2025-01-02T12:34:44+00:00

No. I'm not really interested in casual relationships, but I prefer seeing women for what they are. I prefer it all being out in the open, with women being as loud as possible about how they really feel. It's a bit easier to spot the duds.

I wouldn't be able to go back anyway. I can't view relationships that way anymore.

Carbo-Raider · 2025-01-02T18:50:42+00:00

The resent questions for men on this sub, shows how women have a faulty view of how life is for men. These women see the world thru their eyes; their experience. And that is so different from men's experience.

This question assumes most men have casual sex. Women thing because they can get sex easy, and do, that men do to. How is it, they still don't get it: Because of the internet, women can all get the same top men. Haven't they heard of the AP "AreWeDatingTheSameMan"? Have you not heard of the growing incel community?

There's another post titled "If you cant admit you want a hookup, dont get angry you cant get immediate sex from your date."

I first thought this Q was for women, because I couldn't imagine a man in that scenario. But no, it was a Q for men, from a woman.

flextov · 2025-01-02T18:08:34+00:00

I already forgo all casual sex.

Every_Pirate_7471 · 2025-01-02T12:13:53+00:00

Personally this would be desirable, I don’t pursue casual sex anyway. A lot of men would want this as well, I’m not sure if we outnumber the men who would resist it.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-01-02T14:08:51+00:00

No, if anything I’d want things to become less traditional.

Women want to ask guys out? Go ahead! Let’s take the social and societal stigma away and let people who like each other approach regardless.

50/50 first dates? Absolutely! Let’s make the first meeting/date even more chill with even less pressure on either side. Both get a drink/coffee or two on thier own tab.

Hookups and casual no longer shamed? Great! Both men and women can be who they are and do what they want without any thoughts of others judgy opinions.

Let’s get rid of the old conventions and let people just enjoy dating as something fun to do!

giveuporfindaway · 2025-01-02T18:56:38+00:00

I understand the intent of the question.

Obviously "yes". Most men get zero under the current system.

Marginally luckier men get ran through, fertility lacking, post-wall, left overs.

So your question is would you like an 18 year old virgin bride on your 18th birthday? Sure.

Fine_Video7691 · 2025-01-03T00:46:56+00:00

UpstairsAd1235 · 2025-01-03T02:02:10+00:00

Yes!... The fuck?...

Most_Read_1330 · 2025-01-03T08:32:08+00:00

Absolutely. All non-chads would benefit from that.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-01-02T12:14:41+00:00

Never had interest in this. It’s actually a bad idea especially for men. Your problem isn’t the current dating market. Your problem is that you are not competitive in this dating so you want to go back to being unionized, where the weakest member of the union still gets benefits, but the strongest members of the union are not allowed to reap the profits of being more competitive.

Instead of wishing to go back to union days, which were kind of made up anyway, focus on become more competitive in the dating market so you can play the game as well.

Pro-IDGAF · 2025-01-02T13:39:45+00:00

before when? because my version of “before” was the 80’s-90’s and casual sex and hook ups were very much a key feature to life and dating. most everyone did it and those that did, liked it. girls included.

nobody courted anyone and being official had zero to do with sex.

but thats was my crowd. there where the “prudes” that played the courting non-sex game. they were fewer in numbers though.

so you’re talking some other century?

MisterFunnyShoes · 2025-01-02T12:27:54+00:00

Nah fam

Friedrich_Friedson · 2025-01-02T13:14:36+00:00

Hard pass. Not interested in controlling romantic environment just to justify the puritan beliefs of some people

flexible-photon · 2025-01-02T13:49:24+00:00

Yes but only if divorce and cheating were shamed as it was back in the 50s. Currently serious relationships and marriage don't mean shit in today's society and they are no more stable than teen romance.

avocadolanche3000 · 2025-01-02T12:36:18+00:00

No.

Casual dating ain’t new. The free love movement began in the 19th century but was advanced in the 60s and 70s.

The problems in modern dating don’t stem from casual dating. They’re a side effect of OLD and social media. In particular they’re a result of gender wars between radical feminists and conservative losers who want things to be more structured. Love resists structure.

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markov_truwitt · 2025-01-02T16:46:56+00:00

No.

It doesn't matter how far back you go, the 'commitment' side of the equation still puts married men in a more exploitable position than is reasonable to expect them to blindly accept. You would have to change more than courtship for traditional courtship to be worth it to men anymore. So long as divorce is so easy for women or ruinous to men, it is too risky for a man to narrow their focus to a single woman.

He has to put himself out there because he can only learn by process of elimination. So long as the burden of picking a safe partner for lifelong commitment is his and not society's then it is on society to validate and legitimize his learning process. Dating, 'casual sex', and adventerous romanticism are how he learns to differentiate between viable and nonviable women for long term commitment and creating a family.

abaxeron · 2025-01-03T03:50:14+00:00

Under your conditions, absolutely nothing would have changed at any point of my former or current life.

MasterAd6260 · 2025-01-03T10:52:24+00:00

I don’t think most men would. Men used to be required to do certain things like initiate/plan/pay for dates. Or for trips and etc for his gf. He was expected to provide for his long term relationships. If there was an anniversary, birthday, valentines etc he was expected to take her to dinner or buy her a gift.

A lot of men nowadays are simply not willing to come out of pocket to participate in the “modern dating culture”.. this is why they rather ask girls to come over to Netflix and chill.. she is most likely bringing the alcohol and paying for her own Uber as well. Why would men want to give up easy, guaranteed, cheap/free access to fast sex for a relationship that requires 3x the energy, the effort and the finances and you most likely can not sleep with her on the first one or two days that you match.

nnuunn · 2025-01-02T14:48:30+00:00

It'd certainly make the lives of everyone who's not a young Chad much easier.

Accomplished-Alps204 · 2025-01-02T12:45:24+00:00

Nope, I have nothing against casual sex, practiced it a lot. For me it's normal to start casually, if it clicks on both sides for something more, great. If not, oh well...we had fun.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-01-02T14:09:31+00:00

No. People should be allowed to have casual sex if they want. I don't care if other dudes whine that THEY can't get casual sex, so I shouldn't' be allowed to have it.

If anything, they seem to take pride in NOT doing the things I do (ie be charming, fun, generous, patient, considerate, laid back -- instead, one dude told me that, that because I'm bisexual, women who have sex with me don't count as "straight women" because they could get HIV??)

So I think they should be free to take whatever shitty approach they want and then fail if it doesn't work.

Illustrious-Baker775 · 2025-01-02T15:24:20+00:00

Is it what i want? No. Do i think there would be some huge benefits to society if it worked like this? Holy hell yes.

STDs and unwanted pregnancies would more than likely be cut in half or more. Im also a firm believer that sex should not be used as a method of self validation, so forcing people to find self validation through other means seems like a net positive to me.

ilikecats18851 · 2025-01-02T23:00:37+00:00

I like how you assume it's easy for men to get sex, because if you don't your entire belief system collapses.

Affectionate_Cat1512 · 2025-01-02T12:15:06+00:00

Anti_Thing · 2025-01-02T18:03:45+00:00

Yes, absolutely! I've already lived according to this standard for my entire life, as have most of my friends & family. I don't think it's necessary to go back to 19th century style courtship, or even to only go on dates with one person at a time. When it was a universal social norm to wait until marriage, options weren't narrow because, well, it was a universal social norm.

Duriel- · 2025-01-02T21:13:49+00:00

Would you be willing to g to forgo all casual sex if it meant dating went back to how it was before?

hell no, as you women can't go back to when you were virgins.

wtf does this even mean? lol

"dating" is casual sex! This is why lvw have no idea beyond the tip of their noses. Courting is preparing for marriage!

Your question is being aimed at the wrong group, as all men wanted sex then, and the same is true today. The only difference today is most women are not into courting, as they want to be "independent".

19whale96 · 2025-01-02T23:04:18+00:00

Sure, I wouldn't see any appeal in casual sex if I could reliably find commitment.

wtknight · 2025-01-03T00:46:46+00:00

Yes, because I already dislike casual sex.

Proudvow · 2025-01-03T03:23:21+00:00

It's hard to say if my dating options are still largely gonna be women who hooked up before. Then it's just lame that it's now banned.

If their pasts were retroactively undone then I'd take the deal.

LordShadows · 2025-01-03T11:19:11+00:00

That's literally the opposite of what I want.

Women tend to be so focused on either finding "the one" or avoiding being taken advantage of that they refuse any experience that doesn't seem perfect from all angle at first.

Because nothing is perfect, it's those that lie the best and can put the best show that gets selected and then betray their expectations, making them think their already unrealistic standards weren't high enough already.

The fact that women with experience tend to be shamed societally doesn't help either.

Long-term relationships should not be the first step but something built from many casual relationships that evolved into short-term then long-term ones.

It's something that needs to be builded from carefree experimentation and what is learned along the way about oneself and others.

But, I'm also polyamourous, so my perspective might differ greatly from others.

I also do think a lot of people would feel a lot better in non-monogamous relationships but are too scared by the taboo around it to try, though.

-Kalos · 2025-01-03T21:54:05+00:00

I like how dating and relationships are today. Date who you want without the stigma and despite people’s beliefs online, serious relationships and marriages are better off today with people knowing what they want and the divorce rates have dropped for decades

SteveSan82 · 2025-01-04T08:37:04+00:00

Women were doing it in the past too. Just look at dna test results

ThickyJames · 2025-01-04T11:32:54+00:00

This is actually a good question. I had to think about it for a few moments before answering. The correct answer was not immediately obvious to me. Going out on a limb, I'd wager it's essentially opaque to most people who do and all those who don't ask it.

There is a correct answer: it's not a matter of preference. Any person who at any point in their life has or will desire some form of continuing relationship or expects respect or exclusivity from any partner must answer "yes". The very ground of the relationship is foregoing chances.

It reminds me of the Uber who complained about the traffic constantly in an hour and day when I was particularly unwilling to put up with whinging ignorance. He finally invoked the goddamn state as a thought-terminating cliché. "What's all the traffic, what do I pay taxes for...?", etc.:

"You are the traffic. Think! If you weren't, you wouldn't be in it to complain. If you can't identify the problem, chances are it's you."

domdomdom333 · 2025-01-05T05:51:54+00:00

Never managed to get any casual sex for more than a decade so no loss here.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-01-05T12:36:38+00:00

What is real commitment? You can break up anytime for no reason.

James_M_Croft · 2025-01-13T13:36:26+00:00

Yes sure. but depend on what "dating went back to how it was before" means.

I mean. We are all in casual market for sex, because dating DOES NOT GIVE YOU SEX.

Not even the most misogynistic guy likes having to deal with 20 "annoying" women when you can do 1.

AS LONG AS HE GETS SEX, none gives a flying shit.

growframe · 2025-01-02T13:47:04+00:00

I don't see the point? It's not like the sexual revolution invented promiscuity or casual relationships. The only change from going back to "how it was before" is that women would have less autonomy and harmless sexual behaviours that have existed for centuries would be repressed. No.

DellOptiplex7080 · 2025-01-02T14:24:35+00:00

Not interested in puritanism

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-01-02T16:32:00+00:00

This would be better for men as a whole, the only variation in individual responses would be if a guy was already at the top and is having all the casual sex he wants and significantly over-inflating men’s numbers otherwise the rest of the vast majority of men aren’t having the frequency or quality to even count as a sacrifice.

SeaworthinessSea2407 · 2025-01-02T18:08:44+00:00

Casual sex has always been a thing. Sure there are select periods where it is less stigmatized but a world without casual sex is a pipe dream

man-frustrated · 2025-01-02T13:34:12+00:00

The problem is that the cat is out of the bag. You could socially enforce monogamy but we'd still know that beneath all the pretense they're all whores. This genie won't go back in the bottle.

Pro-IDGAF · 2025-01-02T12:32:51+00:00

absolutely, cultural progress has bottle necked ever since we thought it would be plausible to go above and beyond our natural impulses. Already you kind of see how traditionalism is still reminiscent under liberalism just more chaotic and competitive. Still wonder why progressivists never point the blame on nature for our short comings, maybe then we would achieve actual progress rather than chasing our tails, expecting a different outcome each time.

SuckingMuffin · 2025-01-02T17:17:38+00:00

I don't do casual sex anyway, as a hard rule. I don't even date people who do. But, fuck no.

Dating how it was before sounds God awful. Everything is on me, to make the first move, pay for everything, set everything up, take all the responsibility, and so on.

Fuck that. I'd way rather shit be split or all the super leader type women we have now.

Let me be your 6'3, 105kg shy housewife.

RealityCold4693 · 2025-01-02T14:54:47+00:00

You got to they were cheating back then too yall sound like women when yall that

GrandpaDallas · 2025-01-02T15:11:06+00:00

No. I prefer casual sex from time to time.

LikeTheBed · 2025-01-02T15:23:41+00:00

You are in for a rude awakening if you think people haven't been casually fucking around since the beginning of time. Not to mention that most societies, historically, never dated how you seem to think. Even in the more Christian, western, societies, people were sluts and cheating was a habit.

Title	Would you be willing to g to forgo all casual sex if it meant dating went back to how it was before?
Author	Perfect-Resist5478
Upvotes	49
Comments	280
Date	January 2, 2025 12:09 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hrsanf/would_you_be_willing_to_g_to_forgo_all_casual_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-be-willing-to-g-to-forgo-all-casual-sex.1540149 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540149

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