It is infantilizing to women to say that women who have drunk alcohol cannot consent to sex, while nothing is said about men who drank alcohol

Ronniebbb · 2026-06-15T03:50:57+00:00

I think it's a good guideline that should apply to both sexes. If you're drunk you cannot consent, most contracts are void when you're under the influence and it impairs judgement heavily.

That said if both ppl are hammered and it's not force able there's a grey line

Theawkwardmochi · 2026-06-15T08:56:37+00:00

It's very simple: 1. Both (or whatever number of people were involved, you kinky bastards) are drunk - not rape 2. One is only slightly buzzed or completely sober, the other is black out drunk - rape

Basically: we had sex because alcohol lowered OUR inhibitions - not rape. I waited for the alcohol to lower THEIR inhibitions (or make them barely conscious) - rape

It's not gendered. Drunk people jointly making stupid decisions are fully accountable for them. Getting someone drunk with an intention to make them make stupid decisions is predatory.

I absolutely agree we don't talk enough about sexual violence happening to anyone bar the straight women. Yes men rape women. But women also rape men. Men rape men. Women rape women. It might happen at a smaller scale (most rapes are still female victim male perpetrator), but it doesn't mean we don't need to talk about it and acknowledge it actually happens.

BusinessZestyclose86 · 2026-06-15T01:53:42+00:00

This isn’t a gender issue. If someone is black out drunk they cannot consent.

Future-Stretch-401 · 2026-06-15T05:40:25+00:00

I think it’s more of a mechanical issue. Because physically the man penetrates the woman there’s a default that if he’s capable then that establishes either his ability to consent, or that he is the initiator, but there’s no such equivalent for the woman. I’m not arguing that’s true only that it’s the logic used to decide who is at fault.

OffTheRedSand · 2026-06-15T01:47:52+00:00

I think it also applies to men.

But here’s the thing, I’ve never really understood the details of drunk sex.

During sex women can be extremely passive and have things done to her, and during sex men do things for women like penetrate her.

It’s far easier to get penetrated during sex while drunk compared to penetrate someone while drunk. This is where the difference in experience stand out to me personally.

I think it a man was drunk af and had a woman perform oral sex on him without his consent while he’s near blackout drunk then yea it’s rape. And even if she forced him to penetrate then yea it’s rape, but it’s much harder to do while assuming she’s drunk too.

It’s just easier to have sex with a drunk woman while also you’re drunk yourself than vice versa.

I’ve been drunk before and blackout drunk and I can’t even imagine trying to fuck someone in that state, but it’s easier for someone to have fucked me in that state, also level or drunkness matter.

It all just boils down to how it’s easier to penetrate someone than to force someone to penetrate especially with alcohol involved so that’s why it’s more common to see advocation for the gender that can be raped easier.

rosephase · 2026-06-15T01:58:24+00:00

As a feminist who loves drunk sex you are making shit up.

Getting consent, for a first time, while drunk is risky for both people. In my consent talks I tell people to always check in with a sober version of each other to make sure this is something you both want, not just now, but for how it works in your life.

Otjahe · 2026-06-15T01:51:57+00:00

I think the premise within the premise is wrong.

I’ve certainly not heard that "any time a woman has had any amount of alcohol she can’t consent" as a common feminist talking point

Expensive_Lion1807 · 2026-06-15T01:55:15+00:00

Let’s postpone this debate until there are sober women trolling bars specifically looking for drunk men to rape and posting content coaching other women about how to successfully do this.

Maybe also wait until female Uber and Lyft drivers sexually assault drunk male passengers en masse.

Maybe wait for all of those women who rape unconscious men and are found not guilty because the unconscious men “didn’t say no” to be found.

Perhaps when sororities routinely participate in female led gangbangs of drunk men or when men regularly have to cover their drinks to keep from being drugged and raped by predatory women.

Yeah, how about that?

Major-Platypus2092 · 2026-06-15T01:46:05+00:00

I don't know who you are speaking to, but my impression of feminism is that they take a more nuanced view of alcohol impairment than you're giving them credit for, so I suppose I disagree with the premise you've introduced.

Tylikcat · 2026-06-15T01:55:08+00:00

Because we're not talking "make bad decisions" drunk, but "not fully conscious" drunk. Men that drunk usually can't function sexually, though I would imagine most would be pretty appalled if they woke up the next day to find someone fucked them up the ass.

No_Card6050 · 2026-06-15T03:15:46+00:00

People who cannot consent, cannot consent.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-06-15T02:13:34+00:00

If you're both drunk this is what we call double jeopardy which means everyone is stupid, but no one is evil unless there's some evidence of pre meditation or drugging.

The caveat to this is that generally speaking men can drink more than women and also, as far as I know, metabolize it better. So if he sobered up and she didn't before the sex happened, he's got no out. There's also likely no convicting him without signs of force.

If only one party has been drinking, the one that did not drink is taking advantage and/or a rapist (obviously depending on prior relationship and conversation). This is regardless of gender.

I would personally say yes, any amount of drinking, but I recognize other women may not feel that way. For me, if she wouldn't do it stone cold sober, she wouldn't do it at all. Same for a he BTW.

My best advice for all genders: stop having your first sexual interaction with anyone include alcohol. It's just messy boots and leaves too much room for pain, damage, and evil. Do the deed stone cold sober a bunch, talk about it, talk about consent, and then hook up drunk as a skunk.

SylvarGrl · 2026-06-16T17:07:40+00:00

It’s not infantilizing to say drunk people are not capable of consent. Men, being people, also cannot consent while impaired. Your “nothing is said about men who drank alcohol” doesn’t hold up to scrutiny, since academic, legal, and medical sources all use gender-neutral language to describe what is and is not consent.

You may be conflating differences in behavior between the sexes—men are overwhelmingly more likely to use drugs or alcohol to incapacitate a partner in order to coerce them to have sex than women are—with what does or doesn’t constitute consent.

ThrowRAGlobeVase · 2026-06-15T02:17:42+00:00

You’re getting a lot of shit for this lol.

I think you framed it a bit as “why don’t people care about men who don’t give consent while drunk?” And that’s what people are reacting to.

I think the hidden argument you’re making is: of course being black out drunk and being taken advantage of is unmistakeable-y bad. But, there’s this middle ground - having a bit of alcohol, but saying yes to doing things the person might not have otherwise - in which quite a few people would claim said person (usually a woman) is unable to give consent. That is a little infantilizing because the same person could get behind a car, drive, crash into someone, and be treated as someone who was consciously making those decisions.

alotofironsinthefire · 2026-06-15T02:47:09+00:00

Nuisance really does die on the internet, doesn't it?

When we talk about alcohol and consent.

We're usually talking about too much alcohol that you can no longer give consent.

And yes, this applies to men and women.

Two people being buzzed and having sex isn't rape.

One being so drunk they can't stand, or slur their words is.

bluestjuice · 2026-06-15T02:44:35+00:00

Sexual assault conversations usually focus on women who are assaulted, which is its own problem, but yes, this principle applies to men as well.

Shrimptank_mom · 2026-06-15T03:56:41+00:00

As an alcoholic I agree with this. I own everything I have ever done while under the influence, including sex.

If the guy was sober and I was blacked out, that would be different. That would be SA.

If the man is blacked out and the woman rides his face or something (dick doesn't usually work at that point) then he is a victim and she should be held accountable.

Alcohol and sex just don't go together. Happens all too often though.

DatingVX · 2026-06-15T10:05:26+00:00

Its simply a double standard.

But to be more real, its cause women are more vulnerable creatures, and they are usually more commonly suspect of stalking, men who are horny, assault. The man is also seen as the dominant/stronger one

DesiCodeSerpent · 2026-06-15T21:08:52+00:00

No one under influence can give consent. Since statistically, drunk women are tasked advantage of, it’s been stated explicitly. Men drunk or not do get sexually assaulted and no one is ignoring that.

So it’s not insulting to consider this but it’s definitely insulting that men have to explicitly told this so that they don’t take advantage of drunk women. Also insulting that you turned a statement to prevent violence against women as an insult to women.

I hope this perspective helps you see things clearly

Khaleesi-Unnie · 2026-06-15T23:22:10+00:00

Men and boys are sexually abused by both men and women. Anyone who genuinely works supporting survivors of sexual violence knows that. In lesbian communities rape happens. Women can rape other women. Again, I don't know if this was a genuine discussion or not. I do think there is an issue with perceiving men as victims of women but I feel that is coming just as much from men as women. This bizarre idea that men always want sex is very dangerous and has been used by some women to excuse their sexual abuse of men. The Haley Beck case is a recent example as the victim's family didn't believe he was a victim until his grandmother intervened but his father according to the police report allegedly didn't see his son as a victim. We should grapple with the reality of sexual violence against boys and men by men and women but acting like its all feminists who are against this just shows that you have no connection to this work. But of course there is also the reality that men and boys are also sexually abused by men and that often goes underreported because of shame and homophobia. I think that it is great that the bravery of the female victims of Dr. Larry Nasser inspired the male athletes at Ohio State to come forward and demand justice. Survivors of sexual violence often feel solidarity with each other, regardless of the sex or gender of the perpetrator. This doesn't need to be some competition between men and women. We need to educate everyone about consent no matter their sex or gender.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-06-16T09:38:38+00:00

>If a woman sleeps with someone that they’re not proud to have, nor would have in a sober state, it’s often beneficial to communicate to society - and themselves - that it wasn’t entirely in their control.

Men really seem to believe this is the case, but that not reality. The reality is that regardless of the facts of the situation, and the amount of evidence there may be, you will be called a liar. You will have your motives questioned. You will lose relationships with people over it. I have seen it happen firsthand in even the most egregious situations. You wouldn’t believe escaping any consequences by lying about being sexually assaulted. You would be compounding your problems significantly.

>In more extreme and rare cases of something like pregnancy from unprotected sex, it can make getting something like an abortion easier - whether that’s legal access or societal justification around it - if someone feels they were unable to consent at the time.

In theory you don’t have to name your attacker for this. It’s worth noting that half of the states that now have abortion bans do not have exceptions for rape though, and in those that do women are being counseled to seek abortion care in states without bans because of the relative difficulty of obtaining one with an exception for rape.

And if it’s merely societal justification you’re concerned about, it seems like it would be much easier to just not tell anyone about the pregnancy at all.

I’m just not really seeing a lot of benefit to lying about something like this.

Not making moral judgements on any of these things; just answering your question directly.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-06-15T02:14:46+00:00

“I am disappointed that this belief isn't applied equally to men”

It is, though.

love_in_october · 2026-06-15T06:23:37+00:00

The only time I've actually heard this used is when, although both have technically consumed alcohol, the man is a bit tipsy and the woman is blackout drunk.

ImaginaryDimension74 · 2026-06-15T02:26:20+00:00

Many state codes and even more college regulations define a rape victim as one who is penetrated without valid consent and a perpetrator one who penetrates without valid consent.

Therefore if a man and women have sex in which both are unable to give valid consent (due to drinking for example) he’s the perpetrator and she’s the victim by definition even though they both consented to the same act under the same condition.

It’s very biased.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2026-06-15T05:25:53+00:00

Feminists don't care about men and boys who are sexually assaulted or abused snd neither does society. I've been both sexually abused by women as a child and sexually assaulted by women while too drunk to consent. (Which is why I don't drink anymore). Feminists were the first ones to laugh at me, while other men said I was lucky. Whenever men mention men or boys who are sexually abused or assaulted, women always chime in with "yeah but it happens to women and girls more" or "yeah but it was probably done by other men", they never have empathy. And then men will call us lucky. I can't ever get anyone to take me seriously. So yes, men aren't taken seriously by anyone.

DarkNo7318 · 2026-06-15T01:46:45+00:00

There is a very fine line between someone being so drunk as to not be able to consent, and being drunk enough to make bad decisions.

The latter is completely ok in my book. Anyone who makes the conscious choice to drink signs up for the consequences of any bad decisions made

DMmeClownPics · 2026-06-15T01:41:24+00:00

Who doesn’t apply it equally to men.

KayRay1994 · 2026-06-15T02:00:13+00:00

Because men are far more likely to take advantage of a drunk woman than the other way around, it is simple as that. Also, just cause you don’t see feminists talk about it as often (because it happens far less) doesn’t mean it happens less. In the instances where a drunk man is taken advantage of, and he either speaks of it or word gets out, the general consensus amongst feminist is “he was too drunk to consent”, tbh I’ve seen a lot more men go the route of “he had a good time and nobody got hurt!”

y2kjanelle · 2026-06-15T01:58:12+00:00

No do not ever put us in bad uninformed positions like this again. It is helpful to be aware of the effects of alcohol including impairment and blacking out. No young person should be barred from this knowledge because you don’t think they deserve people’s caution and extra safety. It is always better safe than sorry, always. I have been drugged before and I appreciate any time and every time someone looked out for my wellbeing. Every time even if you or anyone has thought their caution was unneccessary.

We already make our own choices, we’re legal adults. Men should receive more concern it’s abhorrent that you think women should just receive less. Feminists don’t think women are weaker, they just actually care about the wellbeing of women. Men should learn from this.

ta06012022 · 2026-06-15T02:45:47+00:00

Who is saying that only women can't consent while drunk? Of course it's the same for men and women. I don't see anyone arguing otherwise.

Candor10 · 2026-06-15T03:02:05+00:00

Bigger problem I see is if both parties are drunk, only the woman is seen as being the victim of unconsentual sex.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-06-15T03:10:35+00:00

That is also considered sexual assault

Mission-Pie-7192 · 2026-06-15T04:44:09+00:00

It's gross to sleep with impaired people you don't know.

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Holiday_Tap_4358 · 2026-06-15T02:08:34+00:00

Do you mean it’s not applied to men who have sex while drunk or it’s not applied to other actions after drinking?

peasey360 · 2026-06-15T18:17:44+00:00

This is a major conversation I’ve had with coworkers since I started my career in 2017. Jack did not rape Jill, Jack cannot consent to sex either. Jack and Jill in all likelihood being under the influence reverted to their animalistic instincts to reproduce because they thought it would be fun. Jack is not a rapist, Jill is not a victim, they’re 2 humans who at the time did what they thought would be fun. Your brain doesn’t just self delete after a few drinks. Fuck these HR dicks who think co workers can’t date.

Confident-Ad-6978 · 2026-06-16T17:24:52+00:00

I think anyone who says that drunk people can't consent never went to the bar and got laid drunk. Don't fuck people you know are drunker than you. general rule!

IndividualSoggy3614 · 2026-06-20T03:04:58+00:00

If she is drunk get yourself drunk to up to the point you are unconscious uhh before you're too drunk call your friend to pick you up and just leave her alone.

theringsofthedragon · 2026-06-22T17:10:29+00:00

Nobody says that lol. Imo in a real court of law you'd look at who was passed out / unconsenting.

And like if we're being honest most of the time it's men seek, initiate and do the sex. Not all the time, but most of the time. Because men want sex more.

So if you have a man and a woman who are both extremely drunk, but the man in his drunkenness fondles the woman, humps her, runs his hands under her clothes, puts his fingers inside her vagina, takes off her clothes, puts his penis inside her vagina, thrusts in her, finishes in her, while the woman is passively laying there out of it, and she didn't want this, I would say the man raped her, even if he was drunk. It was not "mutual rape".

You can commit crimes when you're drunk, such as hitting someone while driving your car drunk, you'd be held responsible even if you didn't know what you were doing, because you did the thing.

A drunk woman can also rape a drunk man if the situation is reversed and the man is passed out, didn't want this, and the drunk woman starts stroking him, getting on top of him, puts his penis inside, etc.

Both happen but one happens a lot more than the other because men seek sex way more than women do.

LongShanksFTW · 2026-06-15T03:40:32+00:00

What you’re referring to was really a 2010s fad. It’s pretty accepted that you can consent to sex after drinking.

DapperDan1929 · 2026-06-15T05:30:36+00:00

Odd take. This stance doesn’t make you look good bro. These are maybe “inside thoughts” lol

wtknight · 2026-06-15T12:43:35+00:00

I think that it takes more willful agency to push for sex rather than to submit to it. I don’t think that it is infantilizing to a gender, either. A gay or bi person, whether male or female, can do exactly the same thing to someone of the same gender.

Main-Tiger8537 · 2026-06-15T06:50:54+00:00

conservatives + feminists "women are a vulnerable group/class" by a majority are responsible for this hence the issue will never be tackled properly as it requires a gender neutral approach... you can frame the topic in a good faith way or in a bad faith way and people fail horribly in different ways...

systemic sexism

guess how it is for boys will be boys vs girls will be girls OR teach boys to not rape vs teach girls to not rape double standards for sexual violence + domestic violence and violation of consent...

the doordash incident proves feminism right

doordash incident "askfeminists"

thoughts about the doordash girl situation "twoxchromosomes"

Title	It is infantilizing to women to say that women who have drunk alcohol cannot consent to sex, while nothing is said about men who drank alcohol
Author	savethebros
Upvotes	105
Comments	358
Date	June 15, 2026 1:39 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1u62wkd/it_is_infantilizing_to_women_to_say_that_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/it-is-infantilizing-to-women-to-say-that-women-who.1582894 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582894

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