Why shouldn't a man feel insecure?

NationalistGoy · 2022-10-24T04:26:04+00:00

A lot of times women calling men insecure is just their knee jerk reaction

"He has a preference that disqualifies me, so now I have to use shaming language and put an adjective with a negative connotation on him, so that he feels pressured to conform to my world view."

People react negatively to feeling left out.

bokan · 2022-10-24T08:32:02+00:00

People in this thread will tell you that you’re wrong in 20 different ways that are all more or less variations on ‘man up.’

The reality is there’s a huge asymmetry in how dating works right now. It’s up to you to choose how to deal with that.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-10-23T23:21:59+00:00

Since I’m not a man I’m not really qualified to answer, so the best I can do is offer a parallel.

When I first started dating my husband I was pretty dumpy-looking, but his ex was a literal pageant Queen. I did feel insecure because I thought that if he was coming from a relationship with a girl like that, he must not be that into me. After all, I was a downgrade right?

Chad/Stacy might be the “right” partners on paper but as a third party you’re not really able to read the fine print. Yeah my husband’s ex was really really pretty but she also vapid, had tons of baggage from the pageant circuit including an ED, and cheated on him.

We also have another friend who dated the really jealous bombshell blonde for a while, but married the small-town Christian girl who runs the family business.

The thing about insecurity is that sometimes it’s based in reality, but more often it’s not.

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-10-23T23:51:39+00:00

People easily lose patience if the reasoning behind an individual's insecurity or the behaviors attached are nonsensical and/or annoying.

Take two normal, average-looking women who are insecure about their bodies.

Woman 1: "I'm going to take steps toward loving myself as I am and believe my partner when he calls me beautiful."

Woman 2:

BABE. ARE YOU STILL ATTRACTED TO ME.

BABE. DOES MY ASS LOOK GOOD IN THESE JEANS. YOU MEAN I LOOK FAT. OF COURSE I LOOK FAT.

BABE. DID YOU MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH THAT GIRL FOR MORE THAN 7 S. BABE. I THINK YOU'RE INTO HER BABE.

BABE. ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE ME. BABE.

FUCK_IDEOLOGUES · 2022-10-24T04:47:48+00:00

That’s fine if you want to hold out for the girl next door, innocent kind of girl. But while you are waiting you better be working on yourself. If your goal is to be the best she’s ever had and to leave her feeling like she could do no better, you better be working your fucking ass off to deserve that. Otherwise your just fooling yourself. Why would she want you? What are you bringing to the table? She’s apparently a mythical unicorn so she doesn’t have to settle for you. Everyone one of you dudes crying about N counts and hoping for virgins. I guaran-fucking-tee that you guys are not putting in the work to be a worthy candidate. She’s holding out, putting off other guys, you really thing you’re her prince in shining armor? You’re not shit if you are not on a mission to improve yourself every day. What makes you think that your worthy? Because clearly enough men have cried out and said that Young, virgin (or low N count, conservative girls that know how to cook and take care of a household are ideal. So that means these girls have a very high value in the market place, what are you bringing to the table? Can you provide her with a 4 bedroom house in a very nice suburb? Can you afford to pay for her to stay home and raise a few rug eats? Are you going to be able to afford all the trips, vacation, jewelry and designer clothes she ‘deserves’ for being your trophy wife? Or are you expecting to get everything you’ve ever wanted and she gets stuck with your lame ass? Now she’s gotta work full time to cover half your rent and buy the things she wants, then she’s gotta come home and pick up after your slob ass? Get the fuck out of here I’m so tired of you guys complaining it’s rediculous. Stop. You havn’t put in the work, and we all know it because you wouldn’t be on here crying about it if you had. If you want that, then you better start writing down your list of goals and how your going to achieve it because it sure as fuck ain’t whining on Reddit about N counts and virgins. You should be incredibly insecure because she doesn’t need anything your peddling. Be someone she would choose to be with.

KayRay1994 · 2022-10-24T05:11:28+00:00

nothing wrong with feeling insecure, though once you identity an insecurity you should work towards overcoming it, rather than justifying it and keeping it at place

wintergreen233 · 2022-10-23T22:41:57+00:00

First, because this is PPD, to be crystal clear: I don’t care if you or any guy prefer lower N-count people, if that’s important to you then have at it, have whatever preferences or standards you want, you don’t need to justify it, it’s all good.

But to answer the question about “why not be insecure,” I think the error in thinking is the belief that everyone is directly and constantly comparing anyone they are with to everyone they have ever been with. At least in my experience, that’s not how people experience sex and relationships. Or anything that’s experiential, really.

I usually hate these analogies, but — when you go out to an especially good restaurant, you might think “damn, this is an amazing meal.” You know it’s better than many meals you’ve had. If you were to sit down and think about it you probably might realize you’ve had some meals that were better, though they were in the past and you can’t quite remember them as well.

It doesn’t matter, because at the time you’re enjoying it you’re not thinking in those terms — it’s a great meal! You love it! It’s satisfying and makes you happy, you can’t believe how good it is. And that’s what matters to you, not the memory of a past meal that might have been as good or better but to be honest was probably just different in some way.

In dating, at the end of the day people date people they like and are attracted to. At the time they’re dating someone, that’s the real, living and emotion-generating experience. You’re not usually sitting there doing direct comparison calculations in your head. Is the sex good? Are you enjoying it? Is the relationship good? Okay awesome. That’s how you’re evaluating.

Now granted, I haven’t been with 40-50 men or anything close to that, but whenever I date someone new I’m not comparing him to any of my past partners in my head. I know if the sex is bad, and I know if it’s great. I know if we have great personal chemistry, and if we don’t. Those factors are true independent of any direct comparison.

I’m not “constantly thinking” of any exes because I’m long since over them. I’m just interested in the person I’m attracted to and dating and can touch and feel and connect with right in front of me. A distant memory of my ex doesn’t directly factor in to how I evaluate a man or a relationship.

MarBitt · 2022-10-23T23:13:01+00:00

There is nothing wrong with being insecure or not wanting a woman with a high number of previous partners. But most people don't think the way you describe.

Let's say you see the sunrise. How will you feel? That probably depends on many circumstances that have nothing to do with the sunrise. If you have a hangover, you may not even notice it or it will just bother you, even if it was the most beautiful sunrise in the last ten years.

But when you are in the right frame of mind, the beauty of the sunrise stuns you and you watch it in wonder and admiration, as if it were the first time the sun rose in the sky and flooded the whole world with its brightness.

It's the same with men or women. What your wife will experience with you and how she will perceive you is mainly about her. What stage of life is she in, what has she learned. And the longer you are with her, the greater the chance that she will have the best (and possibly worst) experiences of her life with you. And so you become the man of her life not because you are better than John and Harry and 47 others buried somewhere in her ancient past, but simply because you are in her life at the right and important moments for her.

Her life isn't about you, it's about her. And you don't have to be the best or compete with someone when you're together. You just need to be there for her.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-10-23T22:42:48+00:00

Even if you feel insecure about something, you can still choose how a talk about it. A man doesn’t have to speak negatively of women with high body counts just because he’s insecure.

If I remember correctly, I have brought up the insecurity point once or twice. Usually it’s because I want an explanation for why someone speaks so poorly about other people, and I would rather think that they are insecure than that they truly have so horrible beliefs about women.

retal1ator · 2022-10-23T23:14:56+00:00

It’s not a matter of being insecure, it’s mostly a matter of feeling special. Being with a woman that has been with too many men means you’re just another in a long list of experiences, there is likely nothing special about her experience with you if she compares it with other men.

You likely aren’t the best, or the dirtiest, or the hottest, or the biggest, or the kinkiest, and so on.

What intrigues me is that the same applies to men when they think about women, but women seem to care less about it.

jonascf · 2022-10-24T14:24:08+00:00

But if she's had like forty or fifty guys before ever meeting me,

That's extremely rare. Don't worry about the least likely scenarios.

New-Context831 · 2022-10-23T22:35:59+00:00

It's fine to be insecure dude, for me personally I find it repulsive, there's like no circulation down there, I'm not going down on that, and if I'm not willing to go down on her I sure as shit don't want my babies coming from there either

Doesn't mean they're bad people though and I understand not everyone can be picky...

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-10-23T23:10:01+00:00

But if she's had like forty or fifty guys before ever meeting me, then I know that in a line up with fifty other randomly picked men, I am absolutely not going to be the best choice available there. So what can I do?

You're talking like someone with limited experience.

You should go sleep with 50 or 60 women and see if what you say is true regarding a new partner.

A person you are (a) attracted to (b) have a good rapport with (c) have common values with and (d) have a lot of common interests with simply is rare.

Most of the flings I've had maybe had one of those elements, which is precisely why they are flings. It doesn't matter who ghosted who or who dipped out first.

Or I can stay in a relationship with someone who has had better before and can probably have better again, and I have to live in a race to prevent that from happening.

First, from this point of view, it really doesn't matter who you are --- a woman can always "have better," at least sexually. It's always possible. So you're in that race regardless.

Second, your point of view is wrong. Better is subjective. If a woman chooses you, she thinks you're her best option. Why just assume she's settling for you? That speaks to self-hatred rather than any choice the woman is making.

but I also don't think that it's unreasonable of me to hold out for that over getting into a relationship with a woman who will be there with me but in her mind will be constantly thinking of her ex John, who had a much better job; or Daniel, who was much more fit; or Harry, who wasn't balding; or Steven, who was taller; or Mike, who was a much better conversationalist; and so on and so on.

I've been with a high amount of women and I never do this to a new partner. And what's more --- it's easy for me not to do it. Every person is their own person. Why assume women aren't the same? The past is past.

SeaTale5237 · 2022-10-23T22:37:42+00:00

it’s okay to be insecure but insecurity isn’t desirable so caring about it will probably put some women off of you. it’s okay to prefer a less experienced partner though im the same with men

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-10-23T23:48:08+00:00

I’ve recently found out women are VERY sensitive about disclosing their body count (on the dating over 40 sub)

I personally don’t ask and don’t care (Im 46) because I’m not going to be in a serious relationship with any of them. I want sex and occasional weekend companionship and beyond that, don’t fucking bother me.

I think men should 100% be asking body count early and often. If she has a promiscuous history, here are some possible reasons to avoid:

Indicator of mental health issues
Higher risk of STD/STI
If you are number 137, there is probably going to be a number 138
Emotionally unavailable
Callous personality
??? feel free to add your own

I do have a rule not to date strippers (again, for a relationship) because in my youth when my girl and I were on the adult club circuit I saw how empty and transactional these girls were. So sure, have some fun, but don’t try to settle down with one.

N-count matters and as a man, you should care. A woman should care too.. her health is on the line with cancer causing HPV strains.

lovelythecove · 2022-10-24T00:02:18+00:00

This says a lot about your mindset in general. I have never questioned my “place” compared to my husband’s previous partners. Why assume the worst (my partner is negatively comparing me to all their previous partners) instead of the best (I am the best of all the partners my partner has had)?

My husband and I both have similarly high n-counts and we agree this is the best sex we have ever had. We have the greatest sexual compatibility, our bodies physically align best out of our previous relationships, our romantic chemistry is the best, our comfort and openness is the most matured (which is largely what makes sex with someone good), and our own sense of self is the most developed it’s been (which makes us better able to be in a relationship at all).

There’s a reason we both decided to stop seeking other sex and relationships, and become exclusive with each other — it’s because this is the best sex and relationship we could possibly want or need. Maybe in theory we could both be even more compatible with other people, but after a certain level of compatibility, there’s no real point in seeking more. Sure, I could find a job that makes $100,001 instead of $100,000, or even one that makes $100,100, or $101,000, if I want to keep searching and searching. But this isn’t how most people operate when they’re already happy enough. I have never thought to seek more since meeting my husband. Why would I? We know that we are perfect enough for each other.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-10-24T00:21:43+00:00

Why do you want me to argue with your PERSONAL feelings, PERSONAL preferences and PERSONAL desires honey?! Why? This question is so confusing, you want me to argue with your own brain like a looney?!

Superdunez · 2022-10-24T02:03:50+00:00

I think you need to stop letting their exes live rent free in your mind.

They left them for a reason. You'll never have the biggest dick, you'll never have the most money. Someone will always have more. Further, you have no idea why their relationship ended, so why worry about it? She's with you, and the best way to change that is to start getting neurotic. It's not a good look.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-10-24T00:37:26+00:00

You can be insecure, but that’s not an excuse to shame and control others. Some women are insecure about their weight, but that doesn’t give them the excuse to demand others conform to make them feel better about themselves. The chances of you dating a woman who has had sex with 40-50 guys is incredibly small. Most young women never make it to double digits. Panicking about high count women is a waste of time.

Rook_Cross · 2022-10-24T13:34:27+00:00

You remember and compare to those other women too. You want to sleep around, have that experience, while denying women that, so you can seem good in their inexperienced eyes, good because they are inexperienced. you slept with those women too, they're just throw aways? People should marry as virgins, non-virgins should marry people with similar "counts" to them and try to repair the damage they've done to themselves together. You wanting to be "the best she's ever had", is very revealing. It's all about ego. Don't want to be insecure? Be and marry a virgin. Otherwise you should be marrying someone else like yourself and have to learn to live with what you two have done (corrupting marriage and sex, which is only supposed to be done within marriage).

Counter_Proposition · 2022-10-24T19:19:24+00:00

OP, you're coming at this all wrong IMO. If you're ever comparing yourself to any of her exes you've already lost. Try and cultivate an abundance mindset and a strong belief in yourself and what you offer, then you'll naturally stop caring about her exes.

shmikwa10003 · 2022-10-23T22:37:59+00:00

sex is like pizza, even when it's bad it's still pretty good.

because you had a really awesome meal 1 time 10 years ago, you ain't never gonna eat anything else ever again?

mcove97 · 2022-10-24T05:53:22+00:00

Cause insecurity doesn't benefit you and just make you feel like shit.

learn2earn89 · 2022-10-24T00:26:40+00:00

Is a high n-count really all that common for people? I can’t wrap my head around this. Most people I know have 5 or less, and in my immediate circle it’s usually 3 or less. I only know a few people in my life who I’m almost 100% sure they’ve been with around 20 people but those are outliers.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-24T01:27:39+00:00

That's extremely unappealing to me. I know that it's improbable and unrealistic for me to expect a virgin, but I also don't think that it's unreasonable of me to hold out for that over getting into a relationship with a woman who will be there with me but in her mind will be constantly thinking of her ex John, who had a much better job; or Daniel, who was much more fit; or Harry, who wasn't balding; or Steven, who was taller; or Mike, who was a much better conversationalist; and so on and so on.

You see how none of the things you list have to do with having sex with those men? She could just as easily at her place of work, or with her hobby groups run into John who has a better job or Daniel who is more fit or Harry who has hair (heh, hairy/Harry).

Someone who is only limiting their dating pool to people they think have a low-n count for these reasons is deluding themselves. There will always be more men out there. The point of being with someone (or even dating them temporarily) is that you both chose each other regardless of the competition on either end.

If you date a virgin because you think you will seem like you're better in bed just because she has nothing to compare it to, you will likely also get nervous when there are men in her coding class, or dudes at the bar she works at.

That being said, do not ever change your preferences for anyone but you. Don't date someone out of some sense of moral obligation if you're not attracted to some part of their behavior. But yes, you will be labeled insecure if you self-announce as you did in this thread that you feel like you don't stack up against other men/the competition.

Ok-Expression7575 · 2022-10-24T16:05:19+00:00

If you view your partner as someone who can just come and go because they had better dick in the past, then you don't believe someone can truly love you for you and is just with you for how much pleasure you can bring them. Relationships are multifaceted and sex is just one component of them.

You don't care that she's had past sexual partners, you just feel unworthy of her love if you're not her best sexually.

If it's any consolation the vast majority of one-night stands suck since the other person has absolutely no clue what you like. The sexual gratification one receives from someone exploring your tastes with you is far more satisfying. Someone with three or four long-term partners will have had a lot more satisfying sexual experiences than someone with multiple one-night stands.

bunnakay · 2022-10-23T22:25:38+00:00

Why are you eliminating yourself, rather than letting her make the decision? Women are perfectly capable of determining whether they enjoy fucking someone. Do you not trust their judgment?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-10-23T22:54:10+00:00

Reason you want to feel secure: because secure men fuck and insecure men pay for Onlyfans. So if you want to fuck, start building that backbone and stop being so scared you aren’t “good enough”

NakedStreets · 2022-10-23T22:54:32+00:00

My first partner was obviously the best I’d ever had… and the sex was often uncomfortable. When I heard other women talking about their positive sexual experiences, I knew that better was out there.

Personal experience isn’t the only source of data, and inexperienced women still leave men because they are unsatisfied

AnonPinkLady · 2022-10-24T00:24:34+00:00

I didnt read this whole thing but from what I gather, you think being insecure about a women's sexual experience is just being realistic because if she's been with a lot of other guys, she's probably had better than you and ultimately it's just inevitable that you won't measure up.

But here's some peace of mind:

In terms of relationship, sex isnt as simple as a rating out of five stars based on the body of the partner and their skill level in bed. Every single sexual encounter is different than the last to point that there's no point comparing them. Sex on an anniversary night for example where you look in each others eyes and realize you've never loved any living thing more in your life and you spend hours just touching, feeling, indulging in the sensation of their chest rising and falling with every breath against yours and just staring into each other, not even exchanging words because what you feel is beyond language, isnt truly better or worse than sex on the kitchen counter a few weeks later when you've got home from work and you just can't stand another second not being all over each other and you're cursing and yelling and grabbing so hard you're leaving red marks. They're both amazing but I couldnt say which is better they're both sensational experiences. If she loves you this is likely how she sees things with you. She isnt comparing all these other guys with you, she isn't thinking about anything but you. Comparing sex of the past of someone she now feels nothing for to the sex she's having right now with someone shes madly in love with is just pointless.

Gilmoregirlin · 2022-10-24T01:48:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

mrmudzi · 2022-10-24T00:02:39+00:00

But if she's had like forty or fifty guys before ever meeting me, then I know that in a line up with fifty other randomly picked men, I am absolutely not going to be the best choice available there.

This is the difference between you and men who have happy, healthy relationships.

I have no need to compare myself. If she likes being with me and I with her, then we're good. I have a high bodycount, and I would not want to be with someone so insecure that they expected me to dip out constantly. The jealousy and fights because of that would push me away. And I know for a fact that the exact insecurity you describe is what craters so many relationships where your girl only has eyes for you, but you hate yourself so much that you think her next man is always around the next corner.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-10-24T00:01:21+00:00

Okay I understand feeling insecure. I get it but there is usually nuance there. If there is a higher than you body count there's nuance to be had (bad relationship that didn't work out, dating horror stories). She may have had more bodies but were those overall positive experiences. Be the best positive experience for her show her kindness and effort? Like there's other ways to stick out which ultimately will be more important.

Guys before you couldn't hang so be the one that steps up and does it? Sexual experience isn't the end all beat all and she will know what she likes, and you get a road map to pleasing her. That isn't a bad deal and if you are kind and show that effort like all those past dudes are gonna be a joke.

It's okay to feel insecure about it. But it's not okay to make your insecurities someone else's problem and make them feel bad.

sublimemongrel · 2022-10-24T00:21:16+00:00

As a woman, I have never once in my life compared past and present partners like this, let alone constantly. If I’m with you it’s because I want to be with YOU

Logical-Confection-7 · 2022-10-24T12:54:02+00:00

Bro, why’s you are saying sounds so weird. First, it seems that you think you can’t be truly love because you think you could never match to other men. Then, it seems you are comfortable with a women with less “lovers” just because she would not notice your mediocrity, or that’s how it sounds. “If she don’t know any better she would be satisfied with me”. That’s exactly how it sounds un my mind. Third, your example is compatible with a woman who has dated a lot yet remains a virgin than with a woman who likes to hook up. And I guess you wouldn’t choose the second over the first option, so?

AngelxEyez · 2022-10-24T19:29:53+00:00

The idea that we compare men that way is really misguided. I’ve honestly never thought to compare in my mind two guys I’ve been with… they were separate , unrelated instances and it provides me no value to compare..

we don’t mentally rank guys sexual performance in comparison to eachother. so odd to think that.

coupLing783290 · 2022-10-24T20:53:27+00:00

Being her best ever in bed won't make her stay with you

Sonofabase · 2022-10-24T11:10:35+00:00

This is unreasonable for a few reasons:

If the woman chose you, she chose you. If you can’t believe that it’s your problem not hers.
If you don’t trust her that has nothing to do with body count.
You know vaginas don’t actually “get loose” from multiple partners, right?
If you don’t have the self-esteem to believe in what you have to offer in a relationship that also has nothing to do with the woman, that’s a you problem. If you have self confidence you have no reason to care about anyone else she has been with. If you do, see #2.
Insecurity usually has very little to do with anyone or anything but you. Insecurity is invented in your mind. Plenty of other men are faced with the same situations as you but aren’t insecure about it. Why? Self confidence.
This suggests the real issue is you can’t handle an experienced woman because of your own insecurity. Again, has nothing to do with women and everything to do with you.

Superannuatedpunk · 2022-10-24T00:32:01+00:00

Women with 40-50 previous partners are vanishingly rare. Calm down.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-10-23T22:55:49+00:00

Don’t let it make you insecure, she isn’t with those men, she is with you, so that means right now she wants you. A lot of men on one night stands out in very little effort so what makes you think her past lovers are that great?

EugeneCezanne · 2022-10-24T02:58:43+00:00

Well, first, thank you for admitting to the insecurity. That's the first step.

Sadly, you botched the second: taking personal accountability. Because the problem isn't her n count, or that it's making you feel insecure. The problem is all the stuff you tell yourself about it. All of that stuff--whether you're "the best," whether she's thinking of an ex, whether she'll find better—is all a product of your own mind.

The only one making you insecure is you. Now, is that how you intend to go on living your life?

Lastly, this just isn't how high n count individuals think. We're not sitting around comparing or grading. We're just trying to be happy in our current relationships like everyone else.

ToberOct · 2022-10-24T01:55:49+00:00

You should be more worried about being compared if s/he had 3 or 4 relationships before you. If s/he had 50 other wo/men s/he won't even remember them, and you will stand out in a sea of nobodies. With 3 or 4 people, s/he can actually remember the cuddly feelings and events shared with them.

I don't understand worrying about being "compared" though. Aren't you more hurt by the fact that your intimacy is not just between you two?

There's no point in looking for low n count non-virgins. Being with only one person (when you two were both virgins when you met) is unbelievably amazing. After that it really doesn't matter. Low n count non-virgin and high n count is the same thing.

AdventurousTie8034 · 2022-10-24T05:38:55+00:00

Nobody ever gave me a satisfying answer on how to deal with this insecurity. I think it’s inevitable to feel insecure in such conditions

Just-Pie-5579 · 2022-10-24T21:44:14+00:00

I think most people who badmouth high n women are not insecure - they are jealous. Somebody parties somewhere without them. If these men got to party with everyone else we would not hear one negative word from them.

The girls who badmouth high n women are the insecure ones. That's why they choose to align themselves with men to score social brownie points.

Ohmylordyjesus · 2022-10-24T05:06:03+00:00

In my experience, women with higher body counts have more emotional damage. A lot of prior issues you have to deal with as a man. Even if you have a lot of patience, sometimes it’s just not worth the headaches.

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GermanChocolateChamp · 2022-10-24T00:49:25+00:00

Its hard as man to not feel insecure but its mostly in our heads. We want to be a woman’s best lay but :(

Historical-System972 · 2022-10-24T01:36:16+00:00

Preach. If you're not Chad and you're not insecure, you're delusional.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-24T01:51:26+00:00

First off, being insecure is a normal human feeling. It’s not wrong in and of itself. But when you let it rule your behavior, it can and will lead you astray, cause problems, and push people away. Like with your example, you’ve already made a spurious conclusion, that a woman with many past partners won’t see you as her best option, and one with only a few past partners won’t get curious about what else is out there and think maybe she could do better. There’s just no way of knowing. In fact, a woman who has some experience and knows what’s out there and still picks you, is more likely to genuinely think you’re her best option, I would guess, vs one who just thinks you’re her only option or the best of her very limited options. Not that all women who have only had a few partners will feel that way, of course, just an example of why your assumption won’t always be true.

I’ve dated men who had mostly been with women who’d generally be considered unattractive (obese, poor hygiene, stuff like that) and apparently not the best personalities either. These guys would openly state that I was by far their best… and still take me for granted and treat me poorly, and in one case even dump me for the unattractive verbally abusive ex. So just because someone hasn’t done better, doesn’t necessarily mean anything positive for your relationship.

Insecurity also tends to lead to toxic and unpleasant behaviors that make women not want to date you and other men not want to be around you either. If a man is insecure and jealous, he will try to control his partner’s behavior, maybe throw a fit when she goes out with friends, police how she dresses, not allow her to have male friends, constantly asking insecure questions for reassurance, etc. That’s no fun to live with and tends to kill attraction in women and annoy everyone regardless of gender. A certain level of insecurity is normal, but if you’re always worried about one of her exes or past hookups being better in some way, it goes beyond that.

Haunting_Afternoon62 · 2022-10-24T05:40:40+00:00

This could apply for women being insecure too. And not only Chad's have high body counts. Unless I'm that picky and shallow that the guys I consider not Chad's are actually Chad's. But anyway I'm not into the idea they have a high body count either. The other women are probably way better in bed than me. And if he's promiscuous then how can I trust he doesn't wish he was banging someone else, and remain faithful?

ThanosSnapsSlimJims · 2022-10-24T14:39:23+00:00

I don't believe in feeling insecure based on what other people are doing.

gate18 · 2022-10-27T01:52:28+00:00

But if she's had like forty or fifty guys before ever meeting me, then I know that in a line up with fifty other randomly picked men, I am absolutely not going to be the best choice available there. So what can I do?

Realize that you are talking out of your backside!

Where did you pull "absolutely" from?

So realize that.

but I also don't think that it's unreasonable of me to hold out

Your body, your choice. Your life, your choice. But don't be like "a lot of the guys who badmouth these women are being jerks and unreasonable."

No one would even know whether you are holding out or not if you don't go around being a jerk, right?

I know a woman that hasn't had sex in 7 years. She wasn't found one that she feels is worth it for her. Does she want him to be a virgin, fat, trim...? I have no idea. Does she think "men are trash"? Now.

Same with you. It's pointless to be insecure. And it is insecurity. But if you want to be insecure, shrug.

Title	Why shouldn't a man feel insecure?
Author	cara-melada
Upvotes	133
Comments	428
Date	October 23, 2022 10:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ybuk9a/why_shouldnt_a_man_feel_insecure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-shouldnt-a-man-feel-insecure.1136722 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136722

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