I see countless times women say they are cool with not being in a relationship. Then why even date?

northernlights190 · 2022-11-23T04:24:25+00:00

Pretty simple: I love being in a happy, healthy relationship with a person I love and am attracted to. I thrive in that type of partnership, and I would love to find one again. There are a thousand little and big things I could name that I just love about being in a good relationship.

I also am just not cut out to want or enjoy purely casual sex, but I crave sex in the context of an intimate ongoing partnership. So obviously there’s a drive for sexual intimacy too, which I personally can’t replace if I don’t date.

That said, I’m still cool being single. I have a life that’s interesting and satisfying in many ways, and a great support network, and lots that makes me happy. So I don’t feel any rush or pressure to get into a relationship that isn’t right for me.

I can’t control the future. All I can do is make sure i stay open to meeting new people and exploring where I see potential, which includes dating. If I never meet the right person, I’ll still be okay, and still have a life I like living in.

That said, I don’t think or say things like “men are shit” in the first place though. In my extensive experience most men are good people who would make good partners to a compatible woman, and I like and respect most men I meet.

lady_ven0m · 2022-11-23T03:10:27+00:00

I think a more accurate statement would be that women are happier being single than in a relationship that does not benefit them. We want to be in relationships, but not just for the sake of being in a relationship, does that make sense?

rft24 · 2022-11-23T02:34:29+00:00

just because i am capable of being content alone doesn’t mean i don’t also desire a partner. it just means i’m fine with myself and my life if i don’t end up finding a partner that i want.

why date men? because:

ideal relationship > being single > shitty relationship

anon018274031 · 2022-11-23T04:12:59+00:00

Reading your replies it seems like you are just throwing away any real answers from women, and clutching on to the very few posts that confirm your current beliefs.

Your thinking is very black and white. You seem to think all men, and all women, are some hive mind entity.

Some people will answer your question by saying I only want to be single, so I don’t date.

Some will say I am content with being single but date because there is always the possibility that a good partner might come along.

Some won’t be happy they are single, but also won’t date because they have had such bad experiences in the past.

People are individuals… who knew

NakedStreets · 2022-11-23T02:49:20+00:00

It seems like the smallest amount of critical thinking makes this obvious?

The average married woman might not be as happy as the average single woman… but that could still mean that 49% of marriages make married women happier than the average single woman.

Bad marriages make your life worse. Good marriages make your life better.

I’m cool with not eating Mexican food if we’re talking about Taco Bell, but I’m still going to try to find great street tacos.

1Here4Bach · 2022-11-23T03:25:06+00:00

If males weren’t so desperate for sex and female validation Y’all would feel the same way too. Trust me.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-11-23T03:03:34+00:00

Some men meet it and thats who Id date.

Just because one is just fine on their own doesnt mean another could not add to their life if it happens. This is for both sides.

And reality, some people are just happier single, thats its, its not that deep. People who question this are people that dont want to be single. Just because you dont want to be or cant doesn't mean others are not perfectly happy.

I just find it odd why people have to question single people, people that dont want to marry, people that dont want kids, etc. They are not you, get over it and leave them alone.

Reasonable-Scale5710 · 2022-11-23T03:37:08+00:00

I dated dozens of guys (Never had sex with any) until I met my boyfriend. I was perfectly cool with being single and that’s why I was so picky and never settled. Meeting new guys was cool I guess and possibly finding a good guy that would actually make me desire a relationship was an interesting possibility. I then met my boyfriend and he met the bar. I would still be fine without him though

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-11-23T03:03:43+00:00

I know women IRL who dont date at all who think this way. They exist.

no202 · 2022-11-23T04:32:06+00:00

Because sometimes we do want sex just like men do? Is it really that hard to believe?

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-11-23T03:30:02+00:00

Optimism that maybe JUST maybe we can find someone to share our lives with. That out there in a sea of nothingness that that island can be a place to call home and not just some trash just floating around.

Because we do want a partner and someone to share our lives with. Doesn't everyone want a nice romance? Like we do want to be coupled. But we aren't going to settle for lack of effort, someone who struggles to meet our needs, and someone who takes us for granted and just sees something to put his penis in. That sounds miserable and being single isn't that bad we have more time to ourselves.

But what we don't want is to settle, deal with horrible behavior, and basically compromise with ourselves to make some guy happy just to say hey I'm in a relationship! Like no being single is way preferable.

PicklePixie · 2022-11-23T05:16:13+00:00

Good relationship > no relationship > bad relationship

Some people have had poor luck with romance.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-11-23T06:43:49+00:00

Cause dating can be really good fun, you have expectations and boundaries and unfortunately you’ve got to shift through a lot of arseholes until you actually meet a good guy

Bekiala · 2022-11-23T02:29:24+00:00

It took me awhile to realize I wasn't good partner material and should remain single. I did date some before realizing this.

Of course it would have been good to have figured it out faster but there is a certain pressure to date and an expectation to find a partner. It did eventually become clear that I was wasting everyone's time and I needed to bow out. I was probably around 28 when I stopped all dating.

y2kjanelle · 2022-11-23T07:03:35+00:00

Because I still want a partner, I'm just also really happy with myself. I don't make men miserable dating them because I don't pressure every date to date me or marry me. I have fun getting to know someone and understanding how they view and walk through life. I still value dating as a social activity even if it doesn't lead to the result I want. I don't feel miserable when things don't work out because there are reasons they didn't that will help the both of us for future dates.

Novadina · 2022-11-23T03:12:54+00:00

Most men don’t meet my standards (I don’t think most women would either, I’m just picky about who I spend so much of my life with). But I wasn’t trying to be with most men, I was looking for only one good one. I had to go on lots of dates to find the gem, and that was worth it for me, but if I really wasn’t able to find one I would prefer to be single than be with one of the non-gems.

ElectricBugs · 2022-11-23T04:09:24+00:00

Well a lot to f women are choosing not to date, and that's an increasing number.

EulenWatcher · 2022-11-23T02:33:23+00:00

I’m not sure whether I should reply to you or not, as I think that stats about single women being happier isn’t correct and it was proven so multiple time. I don’t think that all men don’t meet the bar, but I can see how a lot of people aren’t really suitable for LTRs.

I was looking for a date, because I wanted to have sex, pretty simple. I was curious about dating, sex and romance. I met my husband. There are some good and great men out there and I’d guess most people have met some of them.

Upstairs-Rip-604 · 2022-11-23T03:24:30+00:00

I’ve never dated anyone. Just because I’m happy alone, doesn’t mean I couldn’t be happier some day with someone special.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-11-23T04:03:17+00:00

It’s always good to keep a line in the water just incase someone good comes along; provided that you aren’t bitter. That way you can enjoy your single life while also being open and receptive to something good in the case it comes along. However, if you’re bitter and think in absolutes like “awalt”, “ she isn’t yours, it’s just your turn”, “women are for the streets” etc. then it’s better for you to stay single. Get over your past traumas and learn to enjoy life without being dependent on someone else to make you happy first then if you’re open to a possible relationship put a line in the water but don’t dwell on it, go enjoy life and if it happens great if not that’s good too.

The main issue is a persons outlook on relationships rather than if they have the ability to be happy single.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-11-23T07:33:12+00:00

I have been in shit relationships, never again it’s soul destroying. I stayed because I felt it was the right thing to do.

I did eventually leave, and learnt not only was I ok being alone but I was thriving.

But even better than thriving on my own is being in a great relationship where we both out each other first both love each other.

I will pick being alone o et being in a crap relationship,

HazyMemory7 · 2022-11-23T02:38:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ShakeNBake007 · 2022-11-23T06:23:57+00:00

This reminds me of that meme. If you're not dating for marriage. You're dating for heartbreak. Then another girl comments. I'm dating to get my vagina licked. So just like men. Women may not want kids or a husband. They are just horny and if they don't classify it as dating they will get slut shamed.

IntegrityDJones · 2022-11-23T13:07:28+00:00

I actually enjoy dating. I love meeting new people and trying fun things (arcades, bowling, restaurants, go karting, etc) and I enjoy sex.

I do not enjoy committed relationships in any way.

iwasneverherehaha · 2022-11-23T16:18:30+00:00

Its halirious when women say this added with casual sex, only to cry and seek attention the second the guy stops paying any interest in them.

Local_Quality534 · 2022-11-23T17:27:33+00:00

FREE DINNER

Filmguy000 · 2022-11-23T17:48:51+00:00

I'm sure you know this already, but women nowadays are pretty much covered. If they want to go to college and pursue a high paying career, it's there for them. If they want to be the single mom Wal-Mart worker, the state is more than happy to chip in. And finally, if she is already married and decides that she needs to find herself, the courts will make sure she gets paid handsomely.

We all know now that women are generally not attracted to most men. But now we have apps. So, if they feel the desire for some quick action, they can get it within the day if they so choose. And it doesn't matter how the woman looks, but the guy has to look good. And in less than a generation women's sexual options went from being local to worldwide.

Women by nature are very opportunistic when it comes to choosing a partner for a relationship. Men on the other hand are generally far more idealistic. And we live in a time where women not only have sexual leverage, but the average woman can live comfortably without male provisioning.

All of this is now being exposed due to our rapidly changing culture and society. And now we are seeing how men and women really operate. And this realization is not pretty when it comes to guys. Because we are now thinking, "So...they never really loved us all that much to begin with? Why the hell am I trying then?" And I notice that women on here try to say that it's only women on this forum that are acting aloof and arrogant with their sexual leverage and singledom bliss. And that we as men should just go out there and meet "real life" women. What they fail to acknowledge is the fact that our (men's) real life experiences is what drove us to these forums for some sort of explanation and answers.

I think it's time that men begin to reassess what they want in life. Because chances are, if you as a man are not exceptional, no woman will truly be all that into you, regardless of your relationship status.

Men need to be content with being alone. Women will always need us to keep the lights on, build their homes/workplace and keep the roads paved. But unless we (individually) aren't providing them with certain lifestyle or are someone they can show off to their friends/social media, they don't want us. Because if she indeed longs for a relationship, chances are the man she wants in hear head doesn't exist. So, settling is the next option. Most will no longer do that, especially after a certain age. They will fuck their booty call for intimacy then spend the next night alone with their favorite wine.

Are there exceptions to this? Sure. But I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket hoping to find it.

Blaphrodite · 2022-11-23T19:46:48+00:00

The women delegation could ask the same of men.

Guys that don’t want a relationship… why even date. But we know the answer to that one.

barzbub · 2022-11-23T20:47:29+00:00

Translation: I’ll accept FREE meals and gifts from men and give nothing in return!

habibi_cat · 2022-11-23T05:49:48+00:00

Women are single but they are still getting their attention and validation needs met.

hardlander · 2022-11-23T04:59:04+00:00

I can think of a few reasons: Free therapy for women. Free protection from men. Free dates for women. Having access to regular sex without commitment. Easy access to ego boosting from simps.

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-23T04:43:09+00:00

So this functions on several levels:

Obviously some men do meet the basic standard and being coupled is preferable to being single provided it's a good relationship. The unlikely nature of a good relationship and good man don't make it less desirable. If anything it makes it more so. The fact we are content without in no way changes the desire for more than. I'm content without cherries on top of ice cream, and I still go out of my way for that too.
There's lots of people who would be terrible relationship material that are still very interesting, fun, and cool to get to know. I'm glad I met those guys, it enriched my life (hopefully theirs) and still taught me about relationships and dating.
Dating isn't a waste of time unless you make it such. I was going to eat a meal that day anyways. Might as well do it while interviewing another person for the role of the love of my life. If it doesn't turn out that way, oh well. I was going to be out that night for pizza anyway and the pizza was good.
The shallowest goal in my life is to be happy. I'd rather meaningful. And there's more meaning spent in the hard toil of seeking a worthy and beloved mate than in opting out due to difficulty. So while I acknowledge people and men especially may make me more unhappy, I prefer meaningful sorrow to meaningless sorrow.
Sometimes we just get bored. It's not complicated or nuanced. Sometimes you gotta shake things up just to feel alive. What better way to fuck up a boring tranquility than dating?

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-23T12:21:40+00:00

Why eat chocolate if you're cool not eating it? Maybe you enjoy it, even if it isn't vital. Women are lied to their whole lives that a relationship will definitely make them happier, and even those who don't believe it might take a risk because if you do end up beating the happiness statistics, the payoff is great.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-11-23T22:43:09+00:00

It’s not us making the man miserable. It’s the men who are making women miserable.

I personally don’t date. I haven’t in nine years and that’s nine years I haven’t had to deal with a man being jealous of my athletic abilities and intelligence, of trying to sabotage me and gaslight me, I just come on this sub to practice turning the other cheek in the face of virulent misogyny.

ithinkoutloudtoo · 2022-11-23T05:27:03+00:00

Free food dates, lol.

TootTootMuthafarkers · 2022-11-23T08:54:45+00:00

No, when a woman says that she means the exact opposite, and also you, she doesn't want to date you!

Tell me I'm wrong redditors!!

zerofeetpersecond · 2022-11-23T05:21:26+00:00

Women get free shit and attention from dating.

ViolentTakeByForce · 2022-11-23T05:34:36+00:00

Don’t listen to what women say, believe what they do.

The good ones admit it when you call them out on their hypocrisy. Stay away from the ones trying to explain it away.

pending_ending · 2022-11-23T04:32:04+00:00

Maybe because.....they're lying. Holy fcking shit.

2022-11-23T03:42:57+00:00

Misery likes company. Hence the existence of reddit. But look if the men were both fuckable and cherishable as complete human beings, how would psychologists, sociologists and journalists make a fat dime?

Losers, are a wonderful lubricant for our respective betters to ease their intellect upon.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-11-23T02:29:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

catchtowards12345 · 2022-11-23T02:34:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

williams5713 · 2022-11-23T04:55:22+00:00

Out of boredom.

pearllovespink · 2022-11-23T10:51:23+00:00

Why should I give up trying to find a partner just because I’m already happy in life? This logic makes zero sense.

Diddy_1978 · 2022-11-23T10:52:11+00:00

Women are happy to be in a relationship with a good guy. Women would rather be single than in a shitty relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Not rocket science…

Katatonicsnake · 2022-11-23T10:55:46+00:00

I feel like your title and text ask two different things. Most women I know are fine without a relationship, but it doesn’t mean that the majority of them wouldn’t want to be in a great relationship, because to them: great relationship>>>>>>>>being single>>>>>>ok relationship>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>bad relationship.

Great relationships are difficult to find and build. I’m married and it’s more than I could had hoped for, but I also realize that I’m incredibly lucky. Because it is partly that, luck. If something happened, and I found myself single or widow, I probably wouldn’t try to find anyone, because I know great men are hard to find. And even after that, relationships require effort.

neetykeeno · 2022-11-23T13:29:40+00:00

I don't date. So far I have removed approximately 2000 fucks from the sexual marketplace by dropping out. I invite all you sexually unsuccessful men to ponder on that number.

I'm fine with that. I live more peacefully and other women's market value and ability to demand what they need increases due to increased scarcity. Thoroughly recommend it to any woman who is finding the juice not worth the squeeze. Solve your own problem and help other women solve theirs.

PandasRCool62735 · 2022-11-23T13:44:45+00:00

I want love lol. I mean like ok being content by myself is super important and honestly I am gaining that content but I still want someone to go through life with :)

the_lazy_orange · 2022-11-23T13:59:16+00:00

We are conditioned pretty much from birth that finding your “soul mate”, getting married, and having children is the ultimate goal in life and the best form of happiness anyone could ever experience. Its constantly pushed by religion and the media. Your told all the terrible experiences in dating will eventually pay off and will be worth it when you find “the one”.

tradtrad100 · 2022-11-23T14:08:39+00:00

Because it's copium that allows them to survive in a suboptimal situation

Solid-City-3798 · 2022-11-23T14:25:02+00:00

Good relationships are hard to find, but worth it. Personally I want someone loving, caring, good hearted, honest, loyal and kind. And that is very hard to find. So its like you could give up hope and stay inside or you could keep dating. We have to be ok with being single and willing to accept no one if it plays out that way so we can wait for the right person. What these women are saying is that settling for a bad person isn't better than being single. A good man is worth the wait.

EvaViaMusic · 2022-11-23T14:32:31+00:00

Dating is hella fun! You get to meet interesting new people, do something super fun with them -- especially things you couldn't do on your own, like rock climb (someone's got to belay you!), sing duets, rock out, or even just do a float down a river. If it turns into more, it turns into more. If it doesn't, you still had an unforgettable Thursday evening.

RinoaRita · 2022-11-23T15:27:45+00:00

With a great partner > no partner > bad partner. Obviously there’s no clear cut line between where a partner is so bad you’re better off alone and that’s different for everyone.

SnowBorn6339 · 2022-11-23T15:53:31+00:00

I’ve noticed that men want me wayyy more than I want them. I don’t have a desire to be with them or to talk to them and am perfectly content being on my own. I won’t settle for mediocrity and will only date a guy if I truly feel he’s special and worth my time.

ArseOfValhalla · 2022-11-23T16:10:11+00:00

I was definitely happier single than when I was married. I still dated though. Out of loneliness mainly. People are allowed to enjoy being single but also go out and that's ok!

But once I was ok with being alone, dating was the last thing on my mind. It was a lot of fun going out to eat or hiking or going to concerts by myself. Didn't have to deal with anyone else and I could do whatever I wanted. Then when I was ready, dating also was easier because I didn't get the f*** boys, or put up with them I guess. I was ok being single than dealing with their sh*t. I ended up meeting someone and I am way happier now than when I was married. I do still miss being single occasionally because I don't have to ask someone what they want to eat or do but I love being with him. So being happier single made me happier in a relationship - if that makes sense.

2022-11-23T16:42:16+00:00

Statistically that might be true, but plenty of women are also unhappy being single. They may get lonely without a partner to love them.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-23T18:25:19+00:00

Because marriage or long-term relationships are not the only reason to date. It has nothing to do with 'men not beating' some bare minimum.

Go on any dating app that has tags/profile selections and see the variety. Some are looking for relationships, some aren't sure, and some look for something casual. Socializing is fun. Kissing is fun. Sex is fun. Affection and desire can exist outside relationships. If all parties involved consent and are aware it will not be leading to a relationship or marriage then where is the problem? You might say, oh but if one catches feelings... but you could also say the inverse about marriage or a relationship... oh but what if someone loses feelings/falls out of love.

Sometimes the journey is the worthier part.

Think_History_5682 · 2022-11-23T18:37:14+00:00

Bc a woman's man is part of her identity and a measure of her desirability

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-11-23T18:45:09+00:00

the default of being single is better than being in a bad relationship.

being in a good relationship is better than being single.

thus its nice to be in the default state of being single but date a good seeming guy if he comes along.

ImogenCrusader · 2022-11-23T19:34:11+00:00

I'm cool with not being in a relationship, but when I stumble into love I'm not just going to ignore it, it's just not something I actively focus on finding.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-23T21:09:29+00:00

Because a big schlong is nice to have from time to time

KikiYuyu · 2022-11-24T01:17:00+00:00

A human could live off some sort of nutrient sludge that tastes like crap, but just about every person will find their life enriched by a variety of dishes and tastes. It's like that. I can survive being single, and I can find other things to enjoy about life... but I'd also really like to enjoy romance if I can because that will only make life richer.

Ok-Device1258 · 2022-11-24T05:56:07+00:00

I don't put much into self-reported statistics.

MuchMethod7039 · 2022-11-24T07:17:11+00:00

It is human nature to desire companionship. Men and women both desire relationships-- whether they are romantic in nature or not.

lallelelu · 2022-11-24T16:47:59+00:00

I guess a lot of women would still like to have a relationship but only a good one and not a relationship at any price.
A relationship is the cherry on top, but its not necessary to happiness.

I guess a lot more people are now way more realistic with dating. We find a partner, share time and maybe it wont work out. But thats not a bad thing, maybe this whole "love forever" is just not true for most people.

OddAcanthocephala904 · 2022-11-24T17:55:06+00:00

Dw I'm not dating u may find happiness

ClaraBow01 · 2022-11-26T19:55:03+00:00

I think it’s that many women see dating as a plus and not a necessity. We don’t have to settle for someone we aren’t happy with. Most women would rather be single that in a bad relationship.

I see countless times women say they are cool with not being in a relationship. Then why even date?

Comments

menaretrash

Title	I see countless times women say they are cool with not being in a relationship. Then why even date?
Author	Luciansleep
Upvotes	96
Comments	440
Date	November 23, 2022 2:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z2cmc9/i_see_countless_times_women_say_they_are_cool/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-see-countless-times-women-say-they-are-cool-with.1140518 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140518