I'm using my own example to explain the issue so this is not a rant or "woe is me" post

Like a large number of men, I don't have the good-looks required for casual sex (hookups, ONS, sexual flings, FWB, etc). My only option is to pursue long term relationships

I'm in my mid 30s now and only had 2 serious relationships.

When I try to date women in my own league for a serious relationship, I realize that their sexual histories dwarf mine. That they had higher BCs at 18 than I do now at 35. That their brains are literally cooked from years of casual sex, hookups, ONS, FWBs, situation-ships with attractive/hot men who literally tower above me in looks, body, height, penis size, sexual prowess, charm, etc. That many of them have experimented with and experienced things sexually - clubbing, hookup apps, gang bangs, threesomes, orgies, sex parties, rough sex, kink lifestyle etc that are just a distant fantasy to me I only see in porn. Their sex lives have been so hedonistic, colorful, spontaneous, and eventful that it simply intimidates me.

I am told that I need to get over this because they're women and they have lived their lives. That I'm small minded and petty for caring about past and I should just accept it or stay single and lonely.

Now because I'm required to invest my emotions, time, & money into getting a relationship, I have a few mental blocks:

  1. How can I accept that she's completely able to enjoy casual sex, just not with me? That there is a category of men she enjoys casual spontaneous sex with but I'm not in that category? That I'm too unattractive to her for casual sex. How can I be aware of this reality yet still keep on emotionally investing in her and pursuing her with sincerity?

  2. How do I come to terms with the fact that she enjoyed a type of sex that I'm not allowed to? That I'm confined to having sex within a relationship only, but she's not. It feels like such an immense power imbalance