Q4W would you date a man who earns less than you?

purplish_possum · 2022-01-12T20:15:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

OmarNBradley · 2022-01-12T21:16:08+00:00

I married a man who will never ever make as much as I do, since he picked a career that does not pay like mine. I don't care and have never cared. I can make my own money and picked purely on attraction.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-01-12T21:15:40+00:00

It’s not so much about income itself as it is about lifestyle. Is he able to match my lifestyle without me paying for him and still save enough for his comfort; then yes I’d date someone making less money.

Now, my lifestyle isn’t ultra extravagant, so I’d also not date someone who makes way more money but decides to burn it all on luxury stuff.

I think financial habits, long term goals, and lifestyle is what needs to be more or less aligned in order for it to work.

DonQOnIce · 2022-01-12T20:25:25+00:00

As long as he can financially take care of himself, sure.

livs4dietdrpepper · 2022-01-12T20:25:25+00:00

It’s more about laziness and drive for me. If he’s a passionate person trying to follow a dream, I have a lot more sympathy for that than if he can’t/won’t work. If he just works a minimum wage job with no aspirations, that would bother me honestly, just because of the lack of ambition and not quite so much the money.

I’ve dated someone that was an aspiring twitch streamer and worked a minimum wage job on the side. I helped support him, but he wasn’t lazy at all, he did what he needed to do so he could try to follow his dream. I can respect and understand that..

Maybe I’ll feel different when I’m older and want to start a family, but that’s where I’m at now.I support myself at this point so I’m not really relying on my partner at this point

chingness · 2022-01-12T23:16:20+00:00

I already do 🙂

Fit_East_3081 · 2022-01-12T22:38:42+00:00

These questions are stupid because nobody wants to make themselves look bad, so obviously the answers are going to be skewed towards women who say they don’t care

Because all the women who do care will just keep quiet, otherwise they’ll get harassed online for voicing how they truly feel

sendcopes · 2022-01-12T23:55:20+00:00

maybe short term, wouldnt be involved for any significant amount of time

shiningLisa · 2022-01-13T00:20:03+00:00

r/Femaledatingstrategy has the answer for you

luliloo · 2022-01-13T08:41:10+00:00

No, because there are plenty of guys that make more. I’ve tried it in the past and it just stressed me out thinking about our future.

forthetinderelllas · 2022-01-13T09:29:57+00:00

I would put money on these men the women here are marrying having big dicks.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-01-12T20:10:13+00:00

have and would again.

CimZim · 2022-01-12T20:52:01+00:00

I have gone on dates with men who made far less than me or were unemployed at the time. My FWB also makes less than me, and I pay for some of the things we do together (vacations, dinners, movies) because I don't want him to be financially strained. If I had a cohabitating relationship he could be my "househusband" for all I care.

I would not get involved at all with a man who earns significantly more than me though. $10-15k above me is my limit.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-01-12T20:56:00+00:00

I married a man who earns less than me. I was not hung up on how much he makes, as long as he could pay his own way.

IcarusKiki · 2022-01-12T20:29:41+00:00

Yes but he has to have ambition

BikePersonDotCom · 2022-01-12T20:10:03+00:00

Of course - he has to be hot, attentive, and share my fairly niche hobbies. Ideally younger too, better dynamic there. The housework thing ain't it though, couldn't care less about that given they can't carry/breastfeed a baby and I can just pay a maid/au pair for the rest.

y_dove · 2022-01-12T21:03:36+00:00

I would not. I would entertain something casual maybe but not long term. It’s not about dating down but about maintaining a certain level of comfort. For example if I want to go on a vacation, I would want to go with my bf so he must be able to afford to pay at least his half. I wouldn’t want to stay in Airbnb so he would have to be comfortable and be able to afford to stay in a 4-5⭐️ hotel (I can afford all those things). Same goes for going out, place to live and overall experiences etc. in my experience it doesn’t work in a long run 🤷🏼‍♀️

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-01-12T20:59:29+00:00

Currently doing that.

When I met my bf I was starting my career making 80k and he was working for fedex making around 17 an hour. Right now he’s unemployed and I make a lot more than when he met me. He worked up until 3 months ago, but stopped to focus on school.

AkieShura99 · 2022-01-12T20:59:34+00:00

No problem. Would be great if he can financially support himself. If I make enough to easily support 2 people and then some, I don't care about his income at all. As long as he isn't lazy or just with me for my money

AtomicTimothy · 2022-01-12T23:35:57+00:00

Yes but it depends on how much less as I prefer an equal partnership (in many areas) and I would think that it partially represents their education too which is very important to me

SyllabubQuiet2482 · 2022-01-13T00:27:19+00:00

Hell to the NO lol

Desert_butterfries · 2022-01-13T01:17:30+00:00

Yeah I would but he can't be stagnant.. well now I don't work (I quit my job so my man can provide, he wants a housewife), but when I was I was making $11 an hour lol. I would absolutely date someone who was making 10 or 9, but again it would have to have been a stepping stone to something else.

I want marriage and a family before 30 (I'm 26), it would be very hard to achieve those things if my man were to forever be making 9 an hour. Lol. I suppose not impossible, welfare is a thing.

Geospizae · 2022-01-13T07:48:17+00:00

as long as he has a job and does something with his life, i don't care how much money he makes

neetykeeno · 2022-01-13T08:01:37+00:00

I am not on the market. But if I was the criteria in dating a man would be that he is in good mental and physical health, has a similar set of lifestyle factors he enjoys and not be lazy or desire more control over my life than he grants me over his. Earning less than me is fine...seeking to overall contribute less value than me to the relationship will get a toe put under him and him being booted from my life.

lonely_mixtape · 2022-01-12T20:49:20+00:00

I wanna eventually be a stay at home mom, so he'd need to make enough to provide for a family. Whether that's more or less than what I make, doesn't really matter.

As of rn tho, I'm only a college student, so I don't expect my potential partners to be making a family supporting income, or any income at all atm. I'm thinking more in terms of what I need from a life partner. So atm, a potential partner would need at least a good work ethic, and even better a financial plan or career goal.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-01-12T20:34:50+00:00

No, but only because I make an absolutely sad and pitiful amount of money. In order to make less money than me, it would mean he probably fucked up somewhere along the way. If I was making a substantial amount, enough that I could feel financially secure with my own paycheck, I may feel differently.

Edit: Spelling

RabbitNRaccoon · 2022-01-12T20:54:22+00:00

I could.

However he would have to have a career. And have some ambition for his life. Doesn't mean he has a "I want to be rich" mindset, but a "I want to be financially stable" mindset.

Also, he should be good with money. And should make at least the average salary for his age.

death_by_1000_cats · 2022-01-12T20:33:09+00:00

I have and I'm married to one although the difference isn't significant

ExpressReception · 2022-01-12T20:46:48+00:00

never

sushiii2020 · 2022-01-12T21:37:23+00:00

Nope. Gotta match me or be within $20k of me.

pearllovespink · 2022-01-12T22:02:20+00:00

I wouldn’t. I watched my mother go through it and I never want to have that kind of relationship with my spouse. It was constant bickering over money and who was going to pay for what.

Few-Distribution-586 · 2022-01-12T23:57:47+00:00

Waiting for the FDS lurkers to justify how a value of a man can only be defined by his income and usefulness to the woman-queen, when a lot of woman here say otherwise.

Although, I think they are too coward to preach misandry in open field.

Fearfactoryent · 2022-01-13T08:06:24+00:00

I make 4x as much as my boyfriend. He treats me very well and I love him. However it definitely is a turn off for sure.

philomexa · 2022-01-12T20:14:58+00:00

The day I married my husband he had -$87 dollars in his bank account. He is current funemployed because touring musician + covid = practically no income (studio gigs and tutoring only go so far when every other musician in the tri-state area has the same idea).

In a good year he might earn $30k, I currently earn $90k plus investments and property.

lilacmaze · 2022-01-12T21:33:23+00:00

No, because I date men who are older than me. If they earned less than me despite more years of experience then they probably aren't very driven.

-WhoIsJohnGalt- · 2022-01-12T22:30:32+00:00

married a man who earns nothing, but i guess it helps that we live on my passive income and i dont have to work all day to support us, i dont know if id care about that or not, but i dont care about our situation

lemurianelf · 2022-01-12T22:39:02+00:00

No. I'm conservative and a man needs to be a provider first and foremost. I would make an exception if he was very smart and working on his business and I saw a potential payoff later similar to an investment. I'm already expected to do most of the chores and cook and look great and hot, so why would I settle for a bum who can't even earn his own keep? I'd just stay single.

Schick_Mir_Ein_Engel · 2022-01-12T23:46:08+00:00

I did. I married him. Now he earns more than 80% of our social circle.

When we started dating, he was a broke ass grad school student who would not go out for eating at restaurant or did not own anything expensive. I was making comfy salary but I was saving money too. But we had a lot in common - nerdy jokes, music / movies, books and computer programming.

Why did we click? I love his ambition and his honesty. He is driven and he wants to improve continuously (even till today). Our attitude towards money is the same - be frugal, spend on important things, no need to show off.

Now he earns 3x my salary and we are planning to buy a house soon.

Prestigious_Olive467 · 2022-01-13T08:56:26+00:00

To me it's not about how much he earns but how he spends it. I know ppl who earn 130k a year and are constantly broke. Sometimes I get the feeling I live better than people outearning me. You might make 10 times more than me but how do I struggle less it seems???

One guy earns 10K a month and one time I wanted to go to a store to get food with him and he was like maybe not I have 80 left on my bank account and there are two more weeks to go in the months and I'm like what the f***. Whered the other 9920 go so fast?

If you're not good with money we're not a match. It doesn't matter if you go to casinos, do bets, overspend on Gucci or generally get in debt because he wants a new car every year... I just can't live like that!

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-12T20:18:25+00:00

As long as he is still financially independent and doesn't expect me to support him, he can make as little as he pleases.

Diamond-Breath · 2022-01-12T20:49:29+00:00

Hypothetically I would if he's super hot, loyal, an excellent father and house husband.

But I much prefer a breadwinner husband.

bison5595 · 2022-01-12T22:52:11+00:00

Look at the statistics. It’s not common. No matter what women answer on this forum, the overwhelming majority date men who make more money

Novadina · 2022-01-12T23:06:01+00:00

Yes, for the right guy. I do expect him to be employed and earn enough to support his lifestyle. His lifestyle would have to be compatible with mine too (not necessarily the same, just compatible with), so if he lives in a tent in the street that wouldn’t work for me. I’m not very extravagant though, and we nice we are serious and committed I don’t mind paying for most things so we can both have an increased standard of living.

I’ve been with my partner for over 15 years, I currently earn about 4-6 times as much as him (actual amount depends on values of stock bonuses). When we first started dating we made about the same, but I figured it was likely I’d earn more eventually because he was already 31 and I was 23 and had just graduated college and just barely started my career. We split everything 50/50 for the most part for around a decade, until we bought a house together.

if you also think it’s necessary for women to work if they’re in a relationship with a man, or if it’s necessary for women to be able to maintain their own expenses or be financially independent, and why or why not.

Yes, if there is no kids, I think the woman should be expected to contribute financially just like the man does. I highly doubt my husband would have been willing to live together with me if I expected him to pay for everything, we’d have had to have roommates to afford it if we did that, and I’m 100% sure he’d rather me just work and pull my own weight than have a roommate just so I could be lazy.

If there is kids then it seems fair that one person of either gender can take care of them as their job if the couple can afford it.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-01-13T01:15:17+00:00

Never again. They can’t handle it.

Willow-girl · 2022-01-13T03:25:42+00:00

Yeah, I live with one now. Left a wealthy man to be with him. Love trumps money every time!

raisininresin · 2022-01-13T09:40:53+00:00

Yes. Currently dating a guy earning only about 60% of my pay. He’s older than me and has more years of working experience (so it’s not like he just graduated from school or anything). It’s not a dealbreaker for me because he’s intellectually curious. He spends some of his free time learning new things and bettering himself. He also has complementary life skills to mine, for example, he has way better social skills than me although I may have done better academically. So even if his pay never catches up with mine, I’m fine with it and I don’t consider it dating down. I think of it as in the current climate, my skills happen to be more lucrative than his.

chinesebeautyqueen · 2022-01-13T01:27:30+00:00

Hard to find men who aren't insecure in that aspect. So, no.

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Swans-r-cunts · 2022-01-12T21:05:30+00:00

Currently am

ididntwanttoexist · 2022-01-12T21:16:05+00:00

Yes. I don't care about someone's finances unless they're indicative of other personality issues, like if he's living outside his means then whining about not being able to afford basic needs, or has racked up tons of debt, or is a lifestyle welfare leech. Other than that, I don't want kids and I don't care about getting married, so his finances are not really relevant to me in a practical sense. I can see how a huge wealth disparity could cause problems in some scenarios but my required lifestyle is pretty basic, so probably wouldn't matter even if my income vastly increased.

lolamariexoxo · 2022-01-12T21:33:40+00:00

No, but I don’t make much now because I’m only 20, and going to start school this month, I do expect that person to be financially responsible and smart, how much I would expect them to make really depends on age If I date someone who’s 27 (unlikely) compared to 47 I’d obviously have different expectations, I think money does matter in a realistic world, I will only date with the intentions of marriage and if I have children I would want to be a Sahm especially while they’re young.

CFinCanada · 2022-01-12T21:47:59+00:00

Yes.

Not minimum wage, though.

Traditional-Yam1475 · 2022-01-12T21:59:19+00:00

Nope. I would never.

oldcamembert · 2022-01-12T21:59:50+00:00

I've never dated or have been married to a man who earned more than me.

houstongradengineer · 2022-01-12T22:02:27+00:00

Married one, sort of. Not a problem as long as the difference isn't so vast that somebody's lifestyle has to severely change.

Dealunbreaker · 2022-01-12T22:18:58+00:00

I married a guy who made less than I did at the time and has for most of our 20 year relationship. Last year was the first time he made more than I did and it was neck and neck most of the year.

Trylena · 2022-01-12T22:25:32+00:00

Depends, if he takes care of the house I can be the breadwinner without issues. I don't care about diving everything 50/50, I want partnership and to grow together. It doesn't matter who brings the money because money comes and goes, I want someone that will be in the bad times and the good times.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-01-13T00:05:41+00:00

Yes, and married . Logically if you're legitimately looking for a person to be with you can't exactly base that person on their dollar to dollar comparison of what you earn , Have to look at the person themselves , are you attracted to them ,do you have chemistry, can you have a conversation with this person ? Are they agreeable in nature with you ? Are they working to where they can maintain themselves? These are very important features ,and characteristics to consider when looking at a person for a relationship potential. Most blue collared jobs in my area either earn less, or slightly higher than my earnings. Which is what I consider being a manly man having these kinda jobs. Just my opinion Blue Collar jobs are firefighters , cops , construction workers, electricians , engineers, plumbers, farmer etc . Now some people might say well these people earn lots of money, well they may in the area of the United States that you live in , but I live in the rural South and a lot of these guys don't get paid like what they would get paid in New York or California etc.

errrright · 2022-01-13T00:22:54+00:00

Yes, and I currently am. As long as he has stable employment and makes enough to support himself comfortably, I don’t care if he makes less. I don’t consider it dating down - I have a thing for tradies and handymen and I make more than a lot of them, so naturally it’s bound to be this way.

silkPJson · 2022-01-13T00:47:07+00:00

Not unless I already knew him and liked him a lot. Like he has other green flags that can overcome it.

Lots of women I know earn more then their partners I think it’s pretty common now.

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-01-13T01:07:13+00:00

NefariousnessStreet9 · 2022-01-13T02:08:39+00:00

I married one so....yeah

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-13T02:57:21+00:00

I would not date someone who makes less than I make because I’m a school teacher living in poverty.

Altruistic_Wafer4398 · 2022-01-13T03:10:45+00:00

I earn a decent amount so if they earn a bit less because they choose a career that wasn’t super lucrative it wouldn’t matter. What’s more important is motivation and financial responsibility, if they could be earning more but don’t have the drive to or if they were irresponsible with money then it would be a problem. Also If they were earning significantly less I think it would be a dealbreaker, I can see that being a problem in the future.

PusheenExpert · 2022-01-13T03:56:46+00:00

The main thing for me is whether he can afford a middle class lifestyle for himself, which is the lifestyle I have on my salary. Can he afford to contribute equally to a house downpayment, save for retirement, or travel overseas a few times a year, for example. I'm not willing to subsidize someone who can't. But if he's financially stable in that regard, I don't care so much about specific numbers above a certain threshold.

While my bf was in grad school, he was earning 30k while I was earning 50k. Now I'm earning 80k, while he earns 90k after graduation. I'm expecting to earn 150k if I change offices at my company (international move to USA, hence the big jump in salary), but it hasn't made me feel that he needs to earn more to continue being attractive. The fact that he's passionate about what he's doing and that it actually makes the world a better place (engineering at a green energy company) is super attractive to me, and I'm proud of what he's achieved, even if his salary is likely to always be lower than mine, since I work in tech.

ohdiddly · 2022-01-13T04:08:12+00:00

lonepinecone · 2022-01-13T04:19:01+00:00

I’m married and have a masters degree. My husband has an associates and makes almost $30k less than me. He has many other good qualities and supported me financially and emotionally during school. It’s not a problem for us. When we have kids, he will likely stay home

NarniaFox · 2022-01-13T04:34:33+00:00

I think the ideal variant is when both partners have similar income. A significant difference (either down or up) makes it harder to match lifestyles without getting a dependent partner or becoming depending on them.

So yes, as long as they could afford similar comfortable lifestyle and I didn't have to support them. Yes, if there's a big difference but they're working on their career and are okay with me earning more. No, if they expect me to provide for them and they aren't planning to climb their ladder/stuck in a low-paid position/don't have education etc.

I think a 20-30% difference is okay, but anything close or more than 50% would be conditional.

Considering your edit, yes, I think it applies to women too. Imv every adult person should be able to provide for themselves. Women aren't an exception and for them it's even more important, because they have higher risks to end up as single parents than men do. Also being fully financially dependent on your partner isn't safe and can cause resentment in both of you.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2022-01-13T04:58:50+00:00

Of course, in fact I’ve never been in a LTR with someone who made the same or more than me, always less. Rich guys have always turned me off, very entitled and out of touch.

Edit: I’ve never been attracted to lazy or cheap men, however.

ejvee · 2022-01-13T05:05:40+00:00

Yes. But his money habits and attitude to money matters more to me than net income/salary. There’s no point dating someone on $200K a year who for the life of him can’t save money or develop healthy financial habits.

princessxmombi · 2022-01-13T05:11:48+00:00

Yes. I have and I am. To me, dating down isn’t directly linked to income, but it is linked to whether or not someone has a career, or at least a decent career plan. If they’re well into adulthood and don’t have either, then that’s an issue. If they’re jumping from job to job and/or are not able to support themselves and also have a little money to go out and do things occasionally, that’s unappealing to me because it’s very different than how I am.

nikki1810 · 2022-01-13T05:17:53+00:00

If he works or has something he is passionate about, sure. However, he has to be able to somewhat provide for himself, i wouldnt want to enter a relationship with someone who lives off of others and has no passion to change that.

2022-01-13T05:46:52+00:00

Lol I had a woman gift me an S-class before when I was fresh out of college and broke. She was a millionaire from 3 previous divorces. Hahahaha at these comments. I'm dead. We live in different worlds. It's literally useless arguing hahaha. Might as well be explaining astrophysics to Bolivian tree frogs.

In what world would a bunch of guys trained since birth to believe women don't select men, come to accept that gender roles become meaningless when certain men are involved?

themagnificentfaust · 2022-01-13T05:59:56+00:00

Date but probably not marry.

If my husband starts earning less than me but is happy at his new less paying job and has time to help out at home i will be very content as well.

Koipisces · 2022-01-13T06:16:00+00:00

I def. would if I would find him attractive and he is passionate/successful/happy at what he is doing. I want a partner I can lookup to and respect, and I don’t think I can have that for someone that works but actually hates what he is doing for example. Ambition is very attractive. I’m also ambitious so I need that in a partner. Also honestly speaking I’m on the high earning spec, so it is more difficult for me to find someone who earns more than less. My experience however is that men often get intimidated when a woman earns more. Or worse, they judge you for buying LV/Chanel/Gucci with your own earned money and complain how it’s a waste of money lol.

bees-and-stuff · 2022-01-13T07:37:04+00:00

I don’t care how much my partner makes as long as he brings in some income or is doing something productive with his time. For most of our relationship I’ve made more then my partner. I don’t care and he thinks it’s cool.

MuertaDeLS · 2022-01-13T15:59:49+00:00

Do you believe them?........

Scarypaperplates · 2022-01-13T20:24:27+00:00

Yes because im not looking for a man for his money, I make more than enough on my own. My goal is to make enough that I could cover him too.

KeySea4772 · 2022-01-13T23:09:47+00:00

I would if it was his passion and he was ambitious but in a low paying field

gimpgirl555 · 2022-01-12T20:19:13+00:00

Pretty much as described. If you're going to write "it depends" please be specific on the conditions as to where you would and would not. Would also be curious about your take on whether this should be viewed as "dating down" or not.

My husband has never worked a day in his life. He retired after university. I don't see it as dating down, no. I'm just a sugar mommy.

Plane_Bandicoot · 2022-01-12T23:58:18+00:00

Yeah. Most men I’ve dated have made less than I do. I still favor and prefer men in white collar, professional jobs, but I’ve had some early career gains that have put me ahead of the curve, so I’m making more than most men I date. Current boyfriend makes a lot more than I do working in medicine though lol

januaryphilosopher · 2022-01-12T20:31:39+00:00

Yes, and I don't think it has an impact on dating up or down. So long as we can practically afford the kind of lifestyle we want between us I don't know why I should care.

poppy_blu · 2022-01-13T00:15:44+00:00

Yes at this stage in my life. I’m older have all the kids I’m gonna have. If I were single tomorrow income wouldn’t even be a factor beyond not being a deadbeat.

pm_me_hairy_nudes · 2022-01-13T00:28:00+00:00

If I was really loaded, I probably wouldn't care at all. If I felt really safe with my financial situation ($200k+ a year, tons of savings, could retire by 30, etc) I could date someone unemployed as long as he wasn't lazy, apathetic, incompetent or dumb. Sometimes people are passionate about something that doesn't make money like history, journalism, art or music, we get it.

Most men aren't ready for a SAHD/career woman dynamic though. If I'm working and he isn't, outside of washing my own plate after dinner, I'm doing zero chores period. If I'm paying for everything, I want a clean house, free meals, husband who keeps in shape, never have to read my own mail, bills or set up appointments, and kids I barely have to talk to.

SnailLemon · 2022-01-13T12:27:26+00:00

I'm gay

creeperedz · 2022-01-13T12:44:09+00:00

Of course. Someone's earnings don't affect my interest. I'd rather be with someone who makes minimum wage doing something they're passionate about than making six figures doing something that makes them miserable and I have to put up hearing about it.

ruboyuri · 2022-01-13T15:26:08+00:00

I have and would

But I have met zero partners that I think are willing/able to be the household manager and primary caregiver

KekeSmall · 2022-01-13T16:44:35+00:00

No. But I’ll only make an exception if the difference is small.

sweetestpineapple · 2022-01-13T17:56:03+00:00

Already do, and already have. Money doesn’t equal attractiveness to me. I’d prefer if the guy had a job but I’ve dated unemployed guys before and broken up for unrelated reasons. I have a minimum wage job so it would be a little unrealistic to expect someone financially successful. I wouldn’t wanna be with a workaholic even if he made lots of money because I value quality time more. To me dating down is dating someone unattractive, which I wouldn’t do anyway because looks are my top priority.

lissssa-13 · 2022-01-13T19:15:23+00:00

I am with someone who makes less money than me. I pretty much always have been, in all my relationships, actually.

I wouldn’t date someone with no ambition or career, but I just happen to earn more income right now. I doubt this is forever. We actually have very similar careers.

Title	Q4W would you date a man who earns less than you?
Author	gmoney92_
Upvotes	44
Comments	280
Date	January 12, 2022 8:05 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s2fija/q4w_would_you_date_a_man_who_earns_less_than_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-would-you-date-a-man-who-earns-less-than-you.1095657 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095657

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