Dating apps have caused the destruction of actual, meaningful love

itsokiloveu · 2022-12-05T16:39:31+00:00

Women have voted that any type of approach outside of a dating app is seen as taboo. So it’s not the dudes. We just conformed to the new normal.

bigmanpav · 2022-12-05T14:23:23+00:00

I agree with a lot of what you're saying. But I wouldn't blame dating apps for the lack of men approaching you. Young men get bombarded with messages that women don't want to be bothered, harassed or catcalled. They get messages that women don't owe men anything, that patriarchy should be destroyed, that women don't need men, etc

I'm not saying that these messages specifically say men shouldn't approach women, but it creates an atmosphere where men are generally less confident about their prospects when it comes to approaching women for fear of it being misconstrued

It is now up to you to shoot your shot. Approach a man and give him your number. If he's smart and into you, he'll ask you out. But now you women need to take the first step because of the social situation we're in

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-12-05T14:36:46+00:00

Dating apps made it easier for really attractive people to date easier. And made it harder for those that would normally struggle. Rich hit richer and the poor got poorer. Except the app developers: they just got rich regardless.

propyl21 · 2022-12-05T14:31:38+00:00

Not just dating apps, social media has ripped the fabrics of society. Everything is about your online presence and getting that dopamine hit. Think about your own post, and how you feel when someone agrees with you vs when they don't.

It's just the nature of where online dating has gone naturally. The path of least resistance so to speak. Though also how companies have shown zero care and are amoral in order to make as much profit as possible. As an example, a young girl here in the UK killed herself due to online bullying but also harmful content. Did the companies do anything to eradicate such content? No. Why? Because profits.

I met my wife 12 years ago on match.com and the scene couldn't be more different now. I feel very sorry for a huge majority of young people in today's day and age because the levels of peer pressure is truly horrific.

Plus with all the algorithms and money making schemes, is it any wonder young people fall down rabbit holes and end up in online cults?

The problem is huge and can't be deciphered in one sitting

Necessary-Worry1923 · 2022-12-05T14:32:50+00:00

One of the main reasons "cold approach" is out of fashion is the fear men have of being called a creep.

Electronic rejection is totally private, no one else knows except the man and the rejecting female.

Cold approach is the least successful technique and the one with the most public humiliation. Everyone is always watching and even recording these events.

Affectionate_Pen_623 · 2022-12-05T15:37:47+00:00

Why do I feel this discussion would be radically different if a man was complaining?

Men not wanting to speak to you in person isn't dating apps fault. Either you're not attractive enough or not inviting enough. You cant complain about harassment or creeps and then wonder why you're not getting hit on. I still approach in real life but I now reduce that to only the most attractive women or those giving the most IoI's.

They come online thinking its going to be a carefree way to meet people. But then I feel thats like coming on Reddit and expecting light, respectful conversation with a variety of different stances when, in actuality, its full of trolling and stupidity and good discourse is often only found in more niche communities and require work discovering. Online dating hasn't really caused anything, merely reflected the state of a post-modern society where curating an "image" or "personal brand" matters above all.

Fancy-Respect8729 · 2022-12-05T14:26:08+00:00

Other factors: 1) Men have better things to do now. More distractions. Other priorities. 2) A socially distanced pandemic. 3) Men are routinely told approaching random women in public is harrassment. 4) Cost of living crisis. Less money spent on dating. More thinking of future. 5) Extended adolescence. Living at home with mummy well into 30s etc.

feanoric · 2022-12-05T14:19:54+00:00

I'd say that the dating Apps were just an answer to a social decay that is unavoidable. We became more dependant on digital communication, and that kind of communication does not often include human interaction and cues. People are basically being groomed into autistic.

But People will survive... women will keep increasing their dose of xanax, men will watch porn in 3D, etc.

The decaying conditions will never be enough for any kind of revolution, but also not enough for people to be happy. This limbo may as well last for centuries and I expect a population collapse and an old population that modern states will not be able to keep (hence why Canada is promoting Euthanasia)

I find it quite ironic people who hate tradition, children and family are so eager to push for laws and entitlements that requires taxes from a stable Western educated population that is collapsing fast, and yet they are contributing to that collapse.

itsokiloveu · 2022-12-05T15:04:31+00:00

Lastly, I truly believe dating apps have eliminated social skills almost entirely. I’m a 24-year-old relatively attractive woman who exercises regularly (grew up an athlete) and still have not been approached or asked out on a date by a man in 8 months.

I get what you mean, but that's mostly because us guys frequently get told women find it hella uncomfortable when they get approached.

StopTheIncels · 2022-12-05T15:34:53+00:00

Lastly, I truly believe dating apps have eliminated social skills almost entirely. I’m a 24-year-old relatively attractive woman who exercises regularly (grew up an athlete) and still have not been approached or asked out on a date by a man in 8 months

At all? Or a man you deem attractive? Big distinction.

Transmigratory · 2022-12-05T15:06:49+00:00

Not been asked out in 8 months despite telling us you're relatively attractive and exercise regularly? Defo other things you're not telling us.

lolthankstinder · 2022-12-05T15:31:14+00:00

I met my girlfriend on Tinder! Dating apps are fine, the problem is how YOU (and many other women) feel about them and the guys you meet on there.

You describe VAST options but the truth is that you’d be perfectly happy with many of those options, you just needed to actually invest in one and focus on the positives rather than the negatives. Many women, like you, have tons of options online and manage to blow off tens of thousands of guys with nothing but a few pics and 255 characters. The problem is that if dating apps inundate women with thousands of extraordinary guys, women just perceive them as ordinary and want more.

You want excitement and sexual tension… but that highlights your unrealistic expectations. You can’t just meet the right person, you need it to feel special. If your soulmate fell right onto your lap wriggling like a worm, you’d probably reject them because you have unrealistic expectations for meeting the one and it seems “too easy”. Sometimes meeting the right person isn’t a romantic comedy with some magical first interaction and story.

You and your friends probably met people in real life because, unlike guys on dating apps, you had more realistic expectations and actually gave them a chance. It might not have been as easy to just “swipe left” on these guys and get rid of them, or your interaction wasn’t anonymous so you actually had to give them a chance or be deemed “shallow” by mutual friends, or they didn’t seem so ordinary because they weren’t surrounded in similar options.

And lastly, a lot of women HATE being approached and plead for guys to stop. So, guys are starting to listen. That’s a big reason why I used dating apps was because I was so tired of having to hit on women all the dang time just for some small sliver of hope that they’d give me a dang chance. I could bother dozens and dozens of women in a day and maybe get a date with one.

So I think dating apps are totally fine. A lot of women just ruin them with unrealistic expectations.

WideAwake550 · 2022-12-05T14:54:07+00:00

The #MeToo movement killed off cold approaching more than dating apps ever did.

During that era, I saw tons of men turn into Mike Pence 2.0 overnight due to fear of being labelled creeps, harassers, or dealing with allegations.

Nothing was the same after that and COVID made things even worse.

As for dating apps, they're okay. People have found dates and even long term partners on it.

But the apps made women more open about their preferences and requirements which has made an increasing number of todays' men say "Fuck it" in regards to relationships if they feel they don't meet such physical criteria of the women who dominate OLD, hence the rising sexlessness.

It is what it is though. Hookup culture and OLD has really changed a lot of young women(especially in America) though. A lot of women now overinflate their SMV due to the thirstiness of the love starved simps on those apps. Now, you have obese single moms who think they deserve High Value Men or "tall dark and handsome" just because they have a vagina. And the "body positivity" p̶s̶y̶o̶p̶ movement makes it very controversial to even point this out.

The gravy train ain't gonna last forever though. Women's advantage over men in the dating market could very easily come to a standstill in the future. I remember Hummers being some of the hottest cars back in like 2005 but, once the Great Recession hit out of the blue and gas prices soared up, Hummers started to go the way of Blockbuster and Kodak.

Treacle-Flimsy · 2022-12-05T16:52:17+00:00

There's no point for a guy to approach the women, especially in the US. You'll be labelled all horrible things, for even trying, so yeah. Why bother?

judge_me_harshly · 2022-12-05T16:17:47+00:00

Not a big loss. Women's love for men was and will always be conditional, so it's a lesser value of love you can learn to live without anyways. Women have plenary power over dating and sex, so if it's this fucked up it's due to women's mismanagement. No reason to worry yourself about things you have no control over and the dating market is something 90% of men have no control over.

Don't do things in life for love, that's stupid. Men are using the apps because they are safer and more efficient. Also, you don't get to spend decades shitting on men who approach women as "creeps" then get mad when men stop approaching women. We just adapted to women's standards, so if that has led to us not approaching you, your fault. Make us want to do that gay romantic shit. Give me a reason to want to tolerate you. Because at the end of the day when it comes to women's emotions, the best I can do is tolerate you and very few of you give enough of an incentive to do just that.

md8716 · 2022-12-05T15:40:28+00:00

I’m a 24-year-old relatively attractive woman who exercises regularly (grew up an athlete) and still have not been approached or asked out on a date by a man in 8 months.

Have you even remotely considered the idea that maybe you're not as attractive as your ego leads you to believe?

Men still approach women irl. They just ain't approaching you, lol. I also see that you tried approaching and the dudes only took you as worth nothing more than a midnight booty call.... so yeah let's maybe not come to sweeping conclusions based off personal failings.

ManWazo · 2022-12-05T15:55:36+00:00

And please don’t give me the “I’m an introvert” speech. Introverts one generation ago didn’t have dating apps. They were forced to interact with the opposite sex to find a partner.

Introverts from generations ago still live with their parents.

I’m a 24-year-old relatively attractive woman who exercises regularly (grew up an athlete) and still have not been approached or asked out on a date by a man in 8 months.

Why do men need to do all the work?

Men used to walk up to a cute girl and ask her out. They simply don’t do that anymore.

If they do that now they get labelled as harassers.

There is an easy solution to your problems: get off reddit and go ask men out.

kvakerok · 2022-12-05T16:56:38+00:00

Men used to walk up to a cute girl and ask her out. They simply don’t do that anymore.

You should thank the so-called feminist movement for that. Why the fuck would any guy in his right mind stake his livelihood, his career, his life on asking some girl out? One harassment accusation and he's out of a job, unemployable. Especially with the rise of the "I regret my fully consensual ONS - I must've been r***d".

averagedude4 · 2022-12-05T16:02:17+00:00

Dating apps didn’t solely destroy meeting in person, it’s the media telling men it’s not socially acceptable to approach anymore.

The internet itself is what’s contributed to more socially awkward people.

SoumarRu · 2022-12-05T16:00:12+00:00

I agree, I stopped feeling excited when I see a beautiful woman in the coffee shop. I assume she has many options on dating apps and a big followers count on ig, so if I approach her I’m just another fan. Women have many options and more men are quitting the dating scene. It’s been a half year I did not use dating apps or talked to women, it’s the least stressful period of my life.

itsokiloveu · 2022-12-05T14:15:58+00:00

If you see someone you like why don't you go walk up and talk to that person, why are you just waiting for someone to come up to you?

I know a few family members of mine who met their partners though OLD, so I don't think it's a bad thing, but I do think some people get addicted to it.

AidsVictim · 2022-12-05T16:06:45+00:00

I am completely against dating apps but would be happy to hear from supporters of them.

Hinge, Tinder, Bumble etc. allow us to quite literally select from millions of options. Something is going wrong in your current relationship? Simply give up and cheat with someone on a dating app, or find someone else from the VAST pool of options.

I use them because there are almost no single women my age in most places I go to in public and women generally do not like being hit on by men like me in any case.

Further, every single one of my female friends (including myself) have actually met our exes or current partners in real life regardless of using the apps.

Sounds like it's not an issue for you then. If your entire social group is meeting people IRL and can ignore OLD what's the problem? Are the men you're meeting cheating or leaving for women they meet off OLD?

Lastly, I truly believe dating apps have eliminated social skills almost entirely. I’m a 24-year-old relatively attractive woman who exercises regularly (grew up an athlete) and still have not been approached or asked out on a date by a man in 8 months.

I think that since meeting online has become the common mode of dating, men simply don’t believe they need to speak to us in person anymore. It’s really sad and disheartening to witness. Men used to walk up to a cute girl and ask her out. They simply don’t do that anymore.

Reasonably attractive younger women in shape are pointless to approach without you giving IoI (for most men that aren't very attractive or from certain groups "allowed" to hit on women in public). Most men have been inundated with media saying how awful and stressful it is dealing with men hitting on women and that they should "stay in their lane".

Overall, they’re the destruction of loyalty, socialization, and authenticity in dating.

That goes far beyond OLD and is related to destruction of social bonds, communal socialization, atomization etc.

EasternToe3824 · 2022-12-05T18:57:20+00:00

Men do not owe you their time and effort. If they found you attractive enough, they would approach, if you make yourself available.

my_alt_has_alts · 2022-12-05T14:39:14+00:00

I don't understand. If you are not comfortable using OLD..... then don't use it? Why do we all have to agree on 1 method?

I think they are perfect for a certain kind of people. It's very dramatic to say the ruined LOVE. Blind dates have existed for decades.

2022-12-06T12:01:59+00:00

I think there are 2 important points explaining why men are less asking out women:

people are less here and there: when I took the trains 15 years ago, people were actually speaking to eachother. Nowadays it is extremely rare. Most people are in their phone, tablet or notebook, a lot has headphones (regularly with loud music). People are not available or looking for a conversation with a stranger
in the past years, many women said and repeated that men should not do various things, including speaking to a woman who has not given then a bright sign that she is up to it. Despite what some people say, there are many good guys who are following the rules given to them... and so they don't approach women because it is extremely rare that a woman sends a sign that she is up to a convo.
asking a stranger out is inefficient: I never had a date from it. Actually Tinder, which is really unefficient as well, gave me a few dates.

And in addition, another point is relevant:

Gender equality. You said it yourself, you are a feminist, and so am I. Nowadays men should not have privileges, women have the same rights, men should help more in the house, women should get better jobs and contribute more financially... ok! But why should dating stay so unbalanced with one gender asking the other out, paying for the first date?

Honestly no one asked you up in a long time, ok, but when was the last time you have asked a man out, and how frequently are you doing it? And why are you not doing it otherwise? Afraid of rejection? Welcome to the male dating privilege!

2022-12-05T15:14:23+00:00

"Meaningful love" never existed. People were just monogamous because of social repercussions and fiscal security. Now that everybody is free, it's all just lust remaining in us all. Everyone only cares about getting the best orgasm from the best they can get.

PDtinyblisters · 2022-12-05T14:48:37+00:00

You are wise and 100%. You’re only 24 and think exactly like me who’s 45 and started dating pre internet and pre cell phones in the 90’s, back when I was a teen.

Not only the new generation is the way you’ve described above, but the saddest part is that older people my age and over quickly changed their behavior. So many people these days are awkward and flakes. Too much screen time… a bartender I know has been shocked how people don’t talk on the bar anymore and EVERYONE is glued to their phones.

Crazy times…

Reading your post gives me hope that we’ve reached the rock bottom and society will gradually bring back more warmth and real interactions into relationships.

Good luck!

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swordfishrenegade · 2022-12-05T15:19:31+00:00

If this based on experience or just a theory you made up?

RealAmericanWeasel · 2022-12-05T16:13:49+00:00

I haven’t used one since around 2011 or so but one thing I didn’t like about them is the bio. I actually don’t want a lot of information on someone I’ve never met. I’d rather learn that through question and answer. I didn’t really buy a lot of the BS I’d read on there but it was concerning what people thought would make them sound appealing.

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-12-05T18:31:22+00:00

No your right they all suck

venusianfireoncrack · 2022-12-05T19:51:42+00:00

Same, I met my boyfriend when I was 16 in real life at a church party, I don’t regret it. And I was forced to go! (I’m an introvert — bookish type.) It’s worth it to push your comfort zone and go out and meet people.

Latter_Adagio8945 · 2022-12-05T23:13:17+00:00

I agree. Preach sister. Glad to you a woman in favor of abolishing dating apps.

Ok-Hunter-4227 · 2022-12-05T23:27:39+00:00

So tru

iT_I_Masta_Daco · 2022-12-05T23:36:03+00:00

I agree with some things but not all!.

I will give you the introvert speech. I would be seriously F'ed if there were not any dating apps.

I rarely approached women face to face as i'm not much of a talker to people that i don't know.

Even when women approached me, i was busy doing my stuff (either working out, working or with friends and hanging out with THEM).

So i subconciously shut down the convo, don't know i get hit on, don't feel like flirting. I also don't date at work (don't shit where you eat) and can't connect to random people on a whim. I really need to get to know them through an app before i feel comfortable AND able to read their cues.

But hey it's 2022, women get to vote, work and and also approach men that they deem interesting, so whats's stopping you?

Societal standards?.

LoganCaleSalad · 2022-12-06T02:31:14+00:00

FYI with toxic ideologies that have made it OK for a large swath of women to label guys they find unattractive as creepy for saying innocuous things while chads that can say the most basic or even vile things & still get in their pants you'll play absolute hell getting men to approach you anymore. It's made most men too scared of being labeled creepy or a predator.

If y'all actually want to date in hopes of finding a relationship you ladies are gonna have to suck it up & start approaching men more. Also call out women that show the behavior above when you see it, hold them accountable for this toxic behavior. It's really the only way to heal the gender divide.

Digital-Bionics · 2022-12-06T02:46:05+00:00

Totally agree with what you're saying, the last point though. Men don't approach women anymore (much). A good percentage of women are weary of men approaching them, stupid toxic idiot men of course. This has made it more difficult for everybody as a lot of good men don't want women to feel uncomfortable in that way.

Esterwinde · 2022-12-06T10:46:12+00:00

Dude dating apps are worse for introverts. It just promotes antisocial behaviour that pissed off everyone because it’s so fking easy to ghost and shit.

I hate dating apps with a passion, and I hate the fact that it’s currently the dominant way to date someone in this generation.

Also for your case, nobody approaches you anymore because they’re scared of being labeled as a creep, it’s not because they don’t need to, it’s because they can’t anymore. Maybe you should approach them from now on, isn’t this what feminism is fighting for? Women being equal to men? Then do your part and initiate interest instead of waiting for Prince Charming to come to you.

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-12-06T11:11:10+00:00

I think all dating apps/sites should be shut down as there detrimental to mental health. They promote unrealistic standards and cause a lot of hate.

I used them on and off for over ten years without much success but never again. Closed all my accounts down earlier this year for the final time. I find them disgusting!

Individual_Guitar595 · 2022-12-06T12:03:09+00:00

It's 2022 and any woman can walk up to a cute guy and ask him out herself.

ironmonki23 · 2022-12-06T15:22:19+00:00

Dating apps are for people that want to get laid and these fucking amateur porn stars trying to lure men to their financial doom. You have about as much chance of finding love on a dating site as Kanye does getting back in the good graces of the people

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-12-06T16:51:33+00:00

OLD is a pressure cooker for dating, which for me I always hated.

Men expecting me to sleep with them when Ive known them for a total of maybe 6 hours across 3 dates...its crazy. OLD makes it so much harder to get to know someone without the pressure of dating expectations.

I always preferred getting to know someone over a period of time like in the old days.

My less toxic exes, the majority of them I met organically. I knew WAY more about them when we started dating. On our first date I already knew I liked them.

Most of my exes I met off of OLD (and one where I met him once through a friend but I had seen him on OLD sites) I dont see their interactions and dynamics with others and with random people until months in, and if I had seen it from the get go I would have never dated them in the first place.

honeypeanutbutter · 2022-12-07T11:22:58+00:00

I think the apps also cater to low-effort behavior. Why bother spending time developing a hobby or engaging in a group activity when you can sit at home and look at a literal human sushi menu of everyone marketing themselves to the best of their ability?

Puzzleheaded_Bet7294 · 2022-12-05T17:58:38+00:00

Scenario: I approach an attractive woman.

Pros:

.0001% chance I get a first date

Cons:

Possibility of being accused of harassment
good chance she has a boyfriend
good chance she is in a “situationship”
good chance she’s got at least a couple orbiters
maybe she wants to stay single because women have much stronger social support systems then us
chance of getting recorded and put on tiktok and humiliated by millions of ppl for perpetuity

antariusz · 2022-12-05T23:49:08+00:00

Also women : eewww this guy went up to me in the grocery store and tried to flirt with me, THIS IS NOT OK, IM JUST TRYING TO BUY FOOD!

Also women : eewww this guy went up to me in the gym and tried to flirt with me, THIS IS NOT OK, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET SWOLE"

Can't have it both ways, Tinderella

shonenhikada · 2022-12-05T15:24:43+00:00

Dating apps made it easier for people who already had no problem getting dates and made it harder for people who are already struggling.

(picked random names don't get butthurt)

It's made it easier for 22 year old Tyler who's considered attractive, is in his final year of college, rents an appartment, plays American Football, had dated for the past 7 years and has a very big social circle of both boys and girls.

It's made it near impossible for 20 year old Brad with acne who works as a truck driver, doesn't have experience with talking to girls, who doesn't know how to take a good picture of himself and who still lives with his mom.

Same with girls but different.

Dating apps have made it extremely easy for 19 year old Isabelle from Miami, who is an attractive, thin blonde with 3000 IG followers, to get to know countless guys, go on expensive dates where she doesn't have to pay, get into the fancy parties, and hook up with three different 10's every day if she wants to.

It's made it really hard for 24 year old Emily who graduated university, has her own place, car and money, absolutely hates the modern dating culture and only wants something serious. She now has to sit trough thousands of matches where half of them want to date casually, another 30% don't meet her standards after all, some might have some very visible red flags during the talking stage. Half of the dates she goes on were really just guys acting like they didn't only want sex, another majority is not interesting or have different values.

Dating apps honestly just suck in any place that isn't mostly a tourist city. And even then it's obviously not for anything long term but just drinks or hookups. I used to live in Rotterdam, Netherlands and using the apps there is so bad it's not even funny. I now live in Cairns, Australia and it's a lot more laid back there and people are more likely to meet up, go for drinks and have casual fun because it's a backpackers / hostal city.

But even that proves your point that genuine romance is hard to find.

liefelijk · 2022-12-05T15:44:54+00:00

I met my husband on OLD, so I’m definitely not against them. 😂 As with everything, there are positives and negatives. Tinder does seem shittier than OkCupid and previous gen dating apps, maybe due to swipe culture.

I would say that the majority of couples I know met through their IRL social connections. That holds true with Pew data as well, which states that a minority of couples met on OLD, even among the 18-29 demographic.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-05T21:52:20+00:00

I don’t entirely disagree, but dating apps are just one piece of the puzzle. The bigger picture is the breakdown of communities and “third places” (places other than work and home where people spend time and interact with others). Bars and clubs are the only remaining third places and you can still definitely meet people there, but for those won’t don’t like to drink or who don’t like those settings, it will be very difficult.

It’s also not because of the “me too” movement. The men who state that reason still wouldn’t be approaching women otherwise. Nobody is calling the cops because you struck up a friendly conversation. Many young people just don’t have good social skills anymore due to the aforementioned breakdown of communities, helicopter parenting, and now the pandemic has put a final nail in the coffin for Gen z.

gofigure62 · 2022-12-05T15:15:03+00:00

Dating apps haven't destroyed anything. The lowest grade people are just drawn to them because of the low barrier to entry and the expectation of sex being delivered to them.

People have always cheated, you simply didn't hear about it as much because the internet didn't exist for people detail how they've been cheated on. Digital footprints make it harder to cheat when a partner can find a trail of text messages, emails, and social media posts. Cheating was easier to hide before the internet because someone could just say they had to work late, work out of town, and visit family. They weren't tethered to a phone so if the cheating partner wasn't heard from, it wasn't considered suspicious or a big deal. Which is why people are finding out through DNA testing that they have siblings and relatives that they never heard of.

The over romanticizing of previous years needs to stop. If you haven't been asked out in 8 months in public then your social skills are probably just as poor. What do you actually "do" to get hit on in public? You have to go out where people are actually socializing and be comfortable talking to your peers or other patrons. You have to appear approachable and make someone comfortable enough to approach you. Are you going to places and spaces that encourage socializing with other humans, or are you just out running errands and expecting for a man to interrupt your day and ask you out on a date?

If you go outside staring at your shoes and avoiding people, most people aren't going to approach you to talk.

Dating apps aren't responsible for your social life or romantic life. You are. An entire world of sociable and personable people exist off line. They're out living their lives and engaging with other people. Go meet them. It involves going to places and events you normally wouldn't, it involves starting conversations with people you normally wouldn't talk to, it involves being unconformable with the vulnerability of bidding for connection with other humans. They may reject your attempt at conversation, you may not having anything to talk about, you have to deal with the discomfort and anxiety associated with what could be an uncomfortable moment. However, the reward of having a social life and having people naturally gravitate to you is worth the discomfort.

Truth-among-Facts · 2022-12-05T15:04:45+00:00

That's why l recommend for every Men over the age of 21 to not use them and Rather go find their wives in the Real world instead

toasterchild · 2022-12-05T15:15:26+00:00

I never would have met such ax perfect partner for myself had it not have been for the matching percentage on OKC. I don't think i would have ever looked at anyone 45 minutes away if it hadn't been for that 98 percent match thing. It's been 10 years and i can't imagine my life without my best friend there. Never could i ever had met someone i meld with this well IRL. That said, swipe apps are total garbage accept for hookups.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-12-05T19:11:51+00:00

I fail to see how dating apps have caused the destruction of "actual, meaningful love" as in the US 40% of relationships begin online, almost entirely on apps, and though not all relationships end up with meaningful love, many do.

How does an app make being disloyal easy? If anything technology has lowered instances of infidelity. Currently we are seeing less infidelity than ever before since it was recorded. While it's still too often currently 80% of men will NEVER cheat and 87% of women will NEVER cheat. Cheating continues to be on the decline, perhaps because people have more agency to find their own partners without pressure or coercion to date or marry someone their parents or community wants them to. More often people are choosing those they genuinely want to be with.

There is something unique and special about stumbling upon a person in public.

Unique, yes, as this is a rare way to meet someone if you don't already know them through social and professional circles. Special? Hardly. It's no more or less special than other methods.

Dating apps have not damaged social skills as they often get introverts to come out of the house more often and dress up nice to meet someone in the flesh whereas previously they were less likely to meet someone as they didn't necessarily go out and socialize as often. But it's true that the social dynamic in an app is not going to be the same value as in person; that's why you go on a first (and/or second and/or third) date with someone. So you can socialize with them in person.

I do think the pandemic has definitely put a blight on social skills as well as the work culture in many countries including the US.

Truth_Sellah_Seekah · 2022-12-05T21:08:25+00:00

Lastly, I truly believe dating apps have eliminated social skills almost entirely. I’m a 24-year-old relatively attractive woman who exercises regularly (grew up an athlete) and still have not been approached or asked out on a date by a man in 8 months.

That's a positive point. The fewer men approach women the better is for both sexes.

itsokiloveu · 2022-12-05T21:29:04+00:00

I loved tinder, I'm also 24 and fit. I actually found my long term partner on there a few years ago when I was looking for that. We live together and are very happy, and have a great relationship.

Personally I will take apps over irl options any day. The trick is you have to have a solid idea of what you're looking for then vet mercilessly for it. You have to take initiative and be proactive, too.

I've had plenty of guys approach me in OLD and irl. It's certainly not dead. I just always opted for apps because I have specific tastes and prefer to get what I want rather than "take what I can get" due to being passive.

jojo-giraffe · 2022-12-05T22:34:00+00:00

Speaking from personal experience, I met my partner on a dating app 7 years ago. I was a freshman attending an all women’s university on a basketball scholarship, and I was working part time at a women’s boutique. All I did was go to practice, go to class, go to work, rinse and repeat. Next to zero chance I was ever going to meet a guy IRL while in that routine. I consider myself exceptionally lucky to have met him when I did, and I saved myself from having to really and truly enter the dating world, which is an added bonus lol.

SaltedCanadian · 2022-12-05T22:40:42+00:00

I disagree. I believe porn, combined with men’s ridiculous bitterness towards feminism, has ruined relationships

Men now believe they’re entitled to sex from a hot woman with zero effort.

They’re also mad that women can—and do—publicly outperform them in every way aside from athletics.

As such, men don’t put any type of positive effort into relationships. They just play control games.

They’ll put a lot of effort into ensuring they don’t show a woman they actually like or respect her when they do actually like and respect her just because they want to control her.

Then they act surprised when she gets depressed, overwhelmed and dumps them.

They’ll put a lot of effort into manipulating her, putting her down, mocking her interests, her friends and her career, but they won’t put any effort into actually building a positive, mutually beneficial relationship because what they care about most is that they perceive themselves to have the upper hand.

Western, white men didn’t used to be like this. Western men used to be respectful and hard working, they used to be caring. Now they’re emulating black North American men and Men in the Islamic world and it’s all going to hell.

Murkwilect · 2022-12-05T21:20:51+00:00

It is what it is. I personally like that it's more convenient to date now because I'm an introvert and hate going out and would rather chat with a girl online and then invite her over. And it's less awkward IMO than cold approaching a girl in real life, the 2 of you are looking for dating on a dating app whereas with cold approaching the girl might not be single and it's easier to find like-minded people online.

LloydVanFunken · 2022-12-05T22:45:42+00:00

There are people who are today happily married who met on places like Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, and even Match.com.

IntegrityDJones · 2022-12-06T18:11:56+00:00

Nah. I can’t believe you’re attractive and haven’t been asked out in 8 months. And you’re young. That makes zero sense to me.

Dating apps have had absolutely no impact whatsoever on me getting hit on or not. I don’t use them myself either. I’ve actually been hit on an insane amount in the last two years, which I feel has something maybe to do with the pandemic? But I’m not sure what exactly. Pent up sexual frustration from men probably.

I’m 37. I went out for dinner and drinks with friends last Friday and got hit on 6 times that night alone. It makes no sense to me someone young and attractive would not be hit on in public.

pinacolorada · 2022-12-05T15:02:00+00:00

As an introverted 23F, I just don’t meet a lot of guys in my everyday life. Dating apps make it possible to meet guys I would never otherwise have crossed paths with.

Yes there are downsides to having too many options, you might let it get to your head, hurt someone or get hurt along the way. But in the end I think that by broadening your search you’re much more likely to end up with someone who’s a good match for you than if you were restricted to just the people who exist in your social circle.

lle-ell · 2022-12-05T15:42:50+00:00

I think dating apps are a mixed bag. I definitely see the downsides. I have been on them briefly 10 years ago, and couldn't find a single person in my area that I liked. Decided to give them another try at age 30 (after only dating guys and gals I met irl in the meantime), and within a few days of OLD I met the man of my dreams.

A potential benefit with OLD is that it's so useful to vet (and be vetted!) right away on some key aspects. Especially if you have unusual preferences or needs. I don't want to fall in love with a man and then discover that we have opposing stances on marriage, children, pets etc. I also don't want to scare potential dates off by asking about those things right away.

You can totally build attraction and meaningful love over texts and calls. The first time I met my partner in real life, the first thing we did was to hug for 10 minutes straight. (After 2 weeks of talking to each other)

TL;DR: it's what you make it.

bobcatgoldthwait · 2022-12-05T15:45:33+00:00

I agree with most of your post except for this:

Something is going wrong in your current relationship? Simply give up and cheat with someone on a dating app, or find someone else from the VAST pool of options.

This is a pretty sad outlook on relationships. You're basically saying people have always been willing to throw in the towel on a relationship when it got tough, but the only reason they didn't was because they didn't have enough options.

Frankly, I don't know of a single person who's said "yeah me and x had a fight the other night so I downloaded Tinder". Maybe you've found people for whom love can be such a fickle thing, and if that's the case then that sucks for you and I'm sorry. But that kind of behavior strikes me as borderline sociopathic and not common at all.

Pastakingfifth · 2022-12-05T16:06:31+00:00

You didn't mention anything in your post that had to do with what you called "actual, meaningful love" in your title.

I think the very fact that your examples contradict your title is interesting but answers your own question. Dating apps and perhaps dating itself don't have much to do with love. They have to do with the convenience of mating rituals and habits.

Social skills are an interesting point and a new phenomenon I'd say. It wasn't that long ago that there would be no appropriate way to use your social skills to introduce yourself to and "seduce" a woman you didn't know. This is a post-1950s phenomenon AFAIK.

Globalization and the decentralization of dating is a whole can of worms that we're experimenting with right now and dating apps are part of that.

Koipisces · 2022-12-05T16:11:28+00:00

Just wow. The MeToo Movement was meant to show how many women have dealt with harassment after being silent for years. Silent for fear of judgement, silent for being shamed as a victim, silent to be the only one who experienced it. I’m happy it happened as it showed how many women have actually dealt with harassment. A survivor shouldn’t have to live in shame, the rapist should. And before, men also brushed off coercion as innocent while it can have traumatic effects on the victim. Blaming this movement for men being too afraid to hit on women, in a sense of “poor men and the poor women who don’t get hit on anymore” is quite disgraceful. I hope you will experience exactly what all these survivors experienced because that’s what you deserve. And even after the movement, enough creepy men who don’t give a fck and still try to hit on women in a bad manner. If you are genuinely interested in a woman, there are many ways to do it that’s aren’t creepy. Also, it’s actually really weird for men to approach women on the streets without knowing the woman. Like, you just find her physically attractive but do not know a single thing about her.. you only see her in that very moment. It’s different when idk the person works in the same building and you happen to see them a couple of times, but randomly hitting on a woman on the streets, is weird. Unless she idk wears a tshirt from your favorite anime and you think that’s so cool and want to compliment her. But with zero commonalities it’s just kinda weird. If you want to pick up women, go to events, parties, communities, or get some hobbies. Go speed dating. Ask your coll to hook you up.

I think dating apps are def. not the best way to find LTR because it’s very low effort. It is however not bad if you want to meet people with similarities, just do not have high expectations. The problem is also the expectations I guess. And for women it’s basically a lot of vetting and filtering out fckbois if you want a real relationship. You will def waste a lot of time talking and perhaps meeting the wrong people.. in the hopes of that one good person.

Georgist_Muddlehead · 2022-12-05T16:31:07+00:00

Hinge, Tinder, Bumble etc. allow us to quite literally select from millions of options.

I think OLD mostly gives more options to people who have a lot of options IRL. Are attractive men approaching much less IRL because they have more options on OLD?

Most men don't get very many options on OLD. So I think they would be even less likely to be approaching less IRL.

I would find it particularly surprising if it's a big factor for men in their mid 20s or younger. I doubt many college age men do well on OLD. They are outnumbered by women and also women's dating pool would usually include men a few years older.

Are they using OLD a lot (and instead of meeting people IRL) in spite of these reasons?

obviousredflag · 2022-12-05T17:18:41+00:00

This is a borderline personality view of online dating. You have an increased fear of being left by a potential partner. Loyality is paramount for you. Anything that might even only threaten that in theory is painful to you. You need authenticity and truth in dating, because you constantly believe that the people you love are lying to you about their love towards you. The reason you are lonely is probably also the reason why men don't approach you.

Did your Ex cheat on you with someone from OLD and now OLD is the villain in this? Sure, cheating is morally wrong, but a relationship with a BPD partner is probably the more plausible reason for cheating than the existance of OLD.

I have two friends with BPD and they use OLD just fine to satisfy their promiscuous needs and also to find new partners. They have been cheated on, they have been broken up with, but they did not develop this hatred for the tool.

There are people out there who won't cheat on you, regardless of the existence of OLD or not. There are men who approach cute girls, regardless of if it's easier on OLD. OLD is not the villain in your world. BPD is, and you need to realize that whatever you fear from people comes from THEM and not from the existence or use of online dating tools.

Otfd · 2022-12-05T17:41:53+00:00

I am going to have to disagree as someone dating someone from a tinder match.

I was always against dating apps, but getting old (27) and busy with work and life. I used tinder, had a few hook ups, then met my current GF.

Didn't kill the excitement at all. We met hung out, went on loads of dates before having sex for the first time about a month in. Plenty of sexual build up, getting to know each other, and excitement was present. Plus how does it kill socialization? When we first met we were only texting for like 2 weeks, pretty surface level conversations. So I still had to navigate talking to someone I essentially just met like I would if I met her at a party or somewhere else.

Your comment about your relationship going bad why not just hop on an app? Well that's not really the apps fault that someone is unfaithful? I used it and would never just hop back on because we are in a fight or something?

Our relationship is no different then the last one I was in and I met her at a party. We have now lived together for year, things are going great and I wouldn't have met her without an app.

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-12-05T18:34:36+00:00

Let’s be honest tho if your attractive you don’t have to follow any of those rules plus those are not rules anyway those are hateful women

smokey3801 · 2022-12-05T19:11:02+00:00

I met my wife on pof 11 years ago, very much in love, and best friends, 2 kids, house, all very meaningful. They allow people to meet people they wouldn't perhaps have otherwise met, and fall in love.

Internet matches are less likely to end in divorce then couples who met high school or college

In fact now more babies born as the result of people matching on dating sites then any other way of meeting ... AI is litterally shaping our genetics as a species let that freak you out for a while 😬

Regular_Biscotti693 · 2022-12-05T19:32:51+00:00

its more likely to get a woman msg you when making a funny youtube than hiting on girl in the street.

Nodeal_reddit · 2022-12-05T21:20:03+00:00

Men don’t speak to women in person because women are just as awkward and send clear signals that they don’t want to be spoken to IRL.

IN_AR_OM · 2022-12-05T21:50:02+00:00

I agree with everything you’re saying. I am F(28) and I’ve been with my partner for 10 years. We met at university a year before Tinder was introduced. When I watch my friends navigate the dating app world I can’t help but feel like it’s killed the “dance” of dating which is what creates that lasting connection between two people.

First of all I read that statistically only the top 10% of men get to access to 80% of the women so it’s not actually the case that these apps have given ALL men more access to women. Also even though those men might see the easy access to sex (ie hookup culture) that these app provide as a benefit to them, biologically they are only able to “fall in love” through a hormone called Vasopressin.

This is different to women who fall in love through Oxytocin which is released though orgasm (hence why we feel more attached after the deed while men experience the opposite - a drop in testosterone which explains the ‘post nut clarity’). Vasopressin (men’s love hormone) can only be released over a more extended time period and is based on how much they “invest” in the woman (time, resource, connection) and their ability to build a genuine bond with you (vs seeing you purely for sex) is also based on “doing” things together.

Dating apps / hookup culture has diluted love for both sides. There’s less and less opportunity for the slow burn, sexual tension, genuine kind of love and it makes me sad for my friends as I want them to feel what I feel with my partner.

NockerJoe · 2022-12-05T22:51:17+00:00

I've seen plenty of people meet somebody off an app and have a relationship. The difference is they're mostly people you wouldn't look at twice on the street for both genders and they were mostly regular working class women and regular blue collar dudes.

The women I see struggle usually want a dude who's physically way above the norm, or has a career that puts him way above the norm, or both, and are often obsessed with their own image of themselves to some degree.

If you want Barry the contractor who's 5'10 and 190 pounds thats not exactly a hard order to fill. If you want Adonis, the interior designer who has a six pack, you're gonna be looking for a while.

daddysgotanew · 2022-12-05T23:03:56+00:00

No they haven’t. They’ve just taken sexual attraction back to its primal roots. Decent looking women never cared about their ugly, beta boyfriends/husbands. They just didn’t realize they had any other choice. Now that they have six figure jobs and hundreds of Chads to pipe them down at their fingertips, there’s no need to settle. Love was never real, especially for 80-90 percent of “average” looking people. It was just a utility. Now that the chains are free, everyone has reverted. It’s sexual attraction first, then everything else.

PapaPinyun · 2022-12-06T01:07:35+00:00

Im only 42 and my wife is in her 30s and their existence literally doesn't even appear in our life in the remotest way.

angeltay · 2022-12-06T01:18:52+00:00

I met the love of my life on OkCupid. He’s so busy and I’m such a shut-in that, despite living only 15 minutes apart, I don’t think we would’ve ever met. I spent a lot of time researching dating sites and OkCupid was the one I was reading was more about relationships over hooking up (though I’ve heard that’s changed now). We both deactivated our accounts after the first date, without the other knowing, and we’ve been together 3 yrs now. It’s the healthiest relationship of my life, and we’re talking about getting engaged soon.

Maybe it wasn’t as magical as a real-life first connection, but I put my favorite childhood MMO in my profile and he also grew up paying it, knows everything about it, and works on it for a living. That felt pretty much like fate to me. He did have abysmal match rates before we matched though.

As far as not approaching people in public, I think it’s something men feel kind of iffy about unless they’re in a situation where they know romance is on the table. Men don’t want to come across as creepy so they don’t say anything at all. Nobody wants to come across as the douchey pick up artist. Internet culture did ruin that part of dating— I think a lot of men assume women will get upset when they’re hit on because of the minority of extreme but loud voices on the internet.

Diamond-Breath · 2022-12-06T02:10:29+00:00

I love dating apps, it makes it easier to vet and it's way safer. I wouldn't want to meet up with a creep. Plus, I found my boyfriend on Tinder, he's the most amazing man in the world. It was my first and only date from a dating app, I highly recommend it and won't shut up about it.

masterlaster1199 · 2022-12-06T02:23:49+00:00

I’m a 24-year-old relatively attractive woman who exercises regularly (grew up an athlete) and still have not been approached or asked out on a date by a man in 8 months.

This is an unusual scenario.

In Malaysia you would be puppied from behind by a guy non-stop or get dragged into a clique of orbiters if you are in college or high school.

Also in before anyone unfamiliar with my personal coined term puppy - imagine a guy following behind you incessantly and trying to amuse you or get your attention, like a puppy. Also wag wag, horny.

5eggsEveryday · 2022-12-06T02:35:33+00:00

Dating apps did neither of those things. At best it made it easier to connect people between one another. Exposing female nature, of course but that's a good thing. Some men still can't accept it and decide to check out from dating. Blaming external forces is easier than your lack of will.

Wide-eyed-Calico · 2022-12-06T04:26:41+00:00

I love dating apps, imo they're the best invention since sliced bread.

I'm 30, demisexual, polyamorous, child-free, and haven't seen someone out in the wild that fits my qualifications in years. Going online I can view people's profiles to see if their morals and values align with mine and see how much effort they care to do on the dating front. My current relationship has been going on for 8.5 years strong and we met in person but neither of us made a move till we saw each other on okcupid and I find that adorable.

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-12-06T05:35:39+00:00

I don't think dating and sex was actually that accesible for most people. I read somewhere that in the 1920s, most property in NY was rented out to single people or people living in essentially dorms. 60% of men were bachelors, just skimming away through life.

TInder, and whatever this shit is that we call dating - just democratized the rich beautiful lifestyle and brought it to every tom dick and harry styles out there.

imnot-lola · 2022-12-06T10:54:00+00:00

I met my partner of 5 years on tinder lol

syndactylity · 2022-12-06T16:21:51+00:00

I guess 40% of people are in shallow loveless relationships, how sad

abaxeron · 2022-12-07T12:54:45+00:00

If "actual, meaningful love" can be destroyed with a simple phone app, then it should have been destroyed a millenium ago.

Title	Dating apps have caused the destruction of actual, meaningful love
Author	itsokiloveu
Upvotes	171
Comments	489
Date	December 5, 2022 2:09 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zd7pqz/dating_apps_have_caused_the_destruction_of_actual/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dating-apps-have-caused-the-destruction-of-actual.1142834 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142834

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