Why don't feminists just stick to dating male feminists?

KikiYuyu · 2023-12-19T20:29:34+00:00

I would think a lot of feminists do stick to male feminists. I suppose it depends on what brand of feminist the woman is. More hardcore will be more picky.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-12-19T17:36:14+00:00

Having values in common is what a lot of if not most people look for in a long term, serious relationship. Tons of women see ultra conservative men as a red flag and won’t date them because of this. What’s more common is more politically active women dating moderate/apolitical men that agree with them on major issues but aren’t as interested in current events or activism.

AngeCruelle · 2023-12-19T17:58:48+00:00

I'm moderate and am okay with hanging out with people from all over the political spectrum unless they're like burning crosses or something.

Ime this is exactly what many feminists do. I personally don't know any who are dating conservatives. Data suggests misalignment in political beliefs between young men and women may be contributing to dating issues.

TheMedsPeds · 2023-12-19T22:01:18+00:00

Can’t speak for other left wing women, but I’d rather get hit in the back of the head with a brick than date a right winger.

And I still consider myself “center left”

There’s this right wing guy I know that has been hitting on me semi lately that unironically reports stuff off the FB trad west page and when he asked me out I was like “lol why? I’m fine with being friends with people who don’t agree with me but I’ve never date one.” My S/O is supposed to be my life mate. Just couldn’t imagine that person being anything but to the left.

No-Refrigerator3350 · 2023-12-19T17:54:58+00:00

We do. There's several articles going around about how conservative men are having trouble dating.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-12-20T01:26:22+00:00

First off, they generally aren’t dating hardcore conservative men. Why not just male feminists? Because for one thing, they’re in short supply. For another thing, a lot of male “feminists” really aren’t, they’re just virtue-signaling liberals who only support feminism when it benefits them, aka third wave sex positive feminism but only about the sex part.

Most of the men I’ve dated have been pretty much apolitical but support everyone’s human rights, which is what matters to me more so than using certain labels.

DietTyrone · 2023-12-19T17:52:55+00:00

For the same reason, why red pill men want promiscuous women but complain when they cheat. And For the same reason, why red pill men want conservative women but complain when they end up in dead bedrooms.

You all need to stop dating the extremes. There are plenty of people who are neutral about things. It's not male feminists vs toxic masculinity. There are plenty of good men.

froderenfelemus · 2023-12-19T21:58:28+00:00

I only date male feminists. It’s a totally dealbreaker for me. So I’m sticking to doing that

dishonouronmycow · 2023-12-19T20:27:22+00:00

I tend to avoid anyone that’s religious, anything further right than centrist and anyone that follows any right wing/red pill accounts on their social media. I don’t want to waste my time or theirs. It’s not perfect but if I’m single forever because of it then so be it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sadsad0088 · 2023-12-19T17:38:10+00:00

I don’t understand either why some women date men who don’t align with their beliefs and complain, only for it to get worse when they have kids.

That said, IRL people don’t usually spout out feminism and other theory stuff, the ones who do IMO are usually obnoxious and annoying so that’s one reason why I’d avoid them.

I’ve always tried to see what someone is like through their actions and opinions.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-12-19T17:57:30+00:00

They usually do at least try to. The problem is that people may call themselves feminists or act like they're feminists in some contexts but not others. A man can be a feminist and masculine or conservative, they're not contradictory.

Uglypostwall · 2023-12-20T13:11:34+00:00

Male feminsits doesnt exist.If man is claiming he is feminist,he is only saying it to impress women or something

EulenWatcher · 2023-12-19T17:37:22+00:00

Everyone has some traits from toxic masculinity, even women. Everyone also perpetuates it even if they're against it. We have to do a lot of self-reflection and actually work on our communication style and belief system to get rid of it and I'm not sure that completely getting rid of it is even possible for generations raised in it. We can do our best for our children though.

Answering your question - I don't think that you have to identify yourself as a feminist in order to support women's rights. My husband is largely egalitarian and we have similar views on most political and social topics, but he wouldn't call himself a feminist. I'm fine with it because our core values match. I'm also demisexual and I rarely meet people I feel attraction to, so limiting my dating pool further to men who identify themselves feminists and know enough about feminism to actually use this label would pretty much nullify my chances to meet a partner.

What do you mean by traditionally masculine?

apresonly · 2023-12-19T18:01:27+00:00

because male feminists generally aren't feminists

but yeah i would only cohabitate w a guy who lived feminists principles

that's so rare that idk if i can really hold myself to never going on a date or casually dating a normal guy for the rest of my life, but i haven't dated in 4 years so that's a possibility.

inlochoupinette · 2023-12-19T18:29:28+00:00

We do but it's not that simple. First of all, people don't necessarly talk politics when they first met. If you chatting at a bar for example, you'll talk about your surroundings, music etc. Many males who identify as " male feminists " really are just men who think women should pay the bills too but hold otherwissimilar views to the tradrational men.

And of course you have those men who say all the right feminism buzzwords just to fuck.

Stas show though that conservative men struggle finidng mates

meangingersnap · 2023-12-19T18:20:13+00:00

Find one nontoxic male feminist that truly believes in and upholds feminism for reasons other than virtue signaling or a cover for their shitty behaviours and I’ll date him. Not to mention there are more progressive women than men.

poopy_head4 · 2023-12-19T17:42:20+00:00

some women do, some women are so traumatized that they just want a man who is least intimidating as possible, someone who basically amounts to an innocent teddy bear. as for feminists who do date nonfeminists, the answer is obvious, women tend to prefer masculine men

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-12-19T21:06:14+00:00

Because feminism is a spectrum where not everyone agrees with each other. And because you can be a feminist without labelling yourself one.

For example I'm fairly feminist. I think that if we're both working 40 hours a week, we should both be doing chores and cleaning the house.

We should be making equal decisions. You're not better than me because you have a penis. And I think gender roles are dumb. Do what you want. He's a better cook. I do the DIY because I grew up poor. But I like make up. Am I feminine? Masculine? Who cares?

I believe in lgbtq rights. So should he.

I believe that all ethnic groups are equal. So should he

Does he label himself a feminist though? No he doesn't. And I don't particularly care. If we're sharing the same values what does it matter?

Katatonicsnake · 2023-12-19T19:24:07+00:00

Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. And sometimes you can’t get who you want. There aren’t that many male feminists to go around, even less if you have other requirements on top of that. Every desirable feminist man has lots of options.

theReaders · 2023-12-19T17:54:24+00:00

We literally avoid them like the plague, they lie, they hide. Most don't want conservative women. They both desire more sexual freedom, and want the pleasure of 'taming' an independent woman.

Eowyn_In_Armor · 2023-12-19T21:50:07+00:00

Well, I dated and married someone who was figuratively wearing a mask and hiding their real beliefs from me, so there’s that.

Safinated · 2023-12-19T19:46:51+00:00

I do, next question

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-12-19T20:08:57+00:00

I’m a feminist and so is my husband working pretty well so far

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HighestTierMaslow · 2023-12-19T19:53:53+00:00

I tried to do that and am now happily married to one.

Unlike most people here in this forum, I am described as one of the most "happily married couples" in my social circle/by other people. It took some cognitive adjustment dating crappy men in my 20s, who of course seemed great in the beginning until the NRE wore off, to being in a very healthy and fulfilling LTR starting in my late 20s.

Its wonderful having a partner who is a male feminist (no, he is not a male hater). A feminist is the belief women should have access to the same opportunities and have the same rights as men, thats it. He also tells me frequently he never thought he'd end up with a woman like me, so its mutual.

I dont see nonconservative women dating conservative men so I have no idea what you speak of. If they are mismatched on politics, the conservative is only conservative with certain topics that dont affect relationships.

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-12-19T20:24:55+00:00

I don’t know if I’d call myself a feminist but I’m pretty progressive and ENM which is very non-traditional. I won’t sleep with sexually or socially conservative men. I’ve actually ghosted men on Tinder for making homophobic comments even if they’re very conventionally attractive.

The men I’ve slept with all do tend to look/present traditionally masculine (fit, muscles etc.) but I actually prefer it if they have some traditionally feminine traits too (artistic, great with kids, nurturing, great cook, enjoys poetry and photography, cries in front of me occasionally etc.) I enjoy a mix of conventionally masculine and feminine characteristics.

I honestly don’t know many men who call themselves male feminists (unless they’re using the term like Dave Chapelle does). But it’s absolutely imperative for me to know that a man sees women as his equals before I decide to share my body with him. If he doesn’t appreciate women as whole individual human beings with our own thoughts, will, autonomy, desires and aspirations instead of just grown toddlers or children, then I’m not going to sleep with him.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-12-19T21:36:01+00:00

100% dating a feminist. He’s more of a feminist than I am and I adore him for it

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-12-26T02:12:27+00:00

Where are you getting the notion that most feminist women date conservative men? All of my friends would be considered feminists (albeit not the radical types), and the ones who aren’t single are in relationships with men who are moderates/normies or progressives. They have egalitarian relationships.

Title	Why don't feminists just stick to dating male feminists?
Author	DietTyrone
Upvotes	170
Comments	329
Date	December 19, 2023 5:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18m7a39/why_dont_feminists_just_stick_to_dating_male/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-dont-feminists-just-stick-to-dating-male.1241152 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241152

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