Q4W: Is your current boyfriend in the top 20% of men looks wise?

eveleaf · 2021-03-10T01:23:14+00:00

Definitely not.

He's a typical STEM dork, ginger-ish, glasses (and not the cute kind), skinny, bad teeth, wirey hair that stands straight up. Was an adult virgin when we met.

He's also thoughtful, hard-working, loyal, smart and kind. I've loved the hell out of him for the last 13 years and have no intention of stopping anytime, ever.

nemma88 · 2021-03-09T21:55:30+00:00

I'd say no, but he's not fat so that's a leg up on most 40s men I guess.

rivetcitymayor · 2021-03-09T22:18:15+00:00

[removed]

Bright_Itempas · 2021-03-09T22:34:49+00:00

I'd place my spouse at the top 20-30%, depending on the region in the US.

He's also the most objectively attractive man I've been with. My range is usually top 40% for men, top 60% for women.

Barneysparky · 2021-03-10T00:01:22+00:00

He's the sexist man I've ever met.

rft24 · 2021-03-09T22:31:29+00:00

to me, yes. he’s incredibly sexy, i had never known how it feels to intensely desire a man before i met him (and after a few years, the desire is even stronger now). my bf gets a lot of compliments on his appearance, and many women approach and flirt with him.

but ppd says short men are incapable of being in the top 20% or of being considered very attractive by many, so idk if he qualifies by their standards. idc though because every time someone asks what he looks like and i pull a picture out of my wallet, i get to hear about how handsome he is.

we’re often told we’re a beautiful small couple, because we’re both short lol

BleachedJam · 2021-03-10T09:04:40+00:00

Not at all. He's chubby, curly unkempt hair, bad posture, and before we met he had never even been on a date before. He got picked on a lot in high school and college. He had braces until he was 22ish and spends most of his time playing video games. Face wise I think most everyone would consider him unattractive? I've seen a few incels who posted selfies that look a lot like him.

But I think hes handsome and adorable. He's incredibly sweet, kind, smart, and so funny. He is so much fun to be around. We've been together over 6 years and married since October and every second I am with him I'm happy and enjoying myself, even in the bad times. As long as he's there it's not as bad, he's the literal light of my life. Plus I also spend all my time playing video games so it's nice we can game together.

chalkandapples · 2021-03-09T23:50:12+00:00

Generally people will not mention my bf (now husband)'s looks unprompted, although the first time my family met him they told me he was good looking. At that point they're expect to comment on him though and I wouldn't say it's "unprompted". But my parents normally don't lie to me. Other than that no one brings up his looks unprompted. Of course if you ask me definitely but what do you expect when you ask someone's gf/wife if their bf/husband looks good?

merlinscalculator · 2021-03-10T02:45:07+00:00

People mistake my boyfriend and I as siblings very often. So I hope he’s in the top 20% bc that makes me feel real good about myself. We’re both hot.

Paranoidexboyfriend · 2021-03-10T12:43:25+00:00

This is the wrong question to see if 80/20 is generally true or not. Instead it should be

"Women: is the last guy you fucked, or the guy you're currently fucking, but you're not in a relationship with for...reasons...or that guy you think you're a couple with but its "complicated" Is that guy in the top 20% of men looks wise?"

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-03-09T22:03:32+00:00

He's 5'10, 170 lbs, lean/not muscular but with broad shoulders, hispanic, not an ugly face but not a conventionally handsome face (the celebrity he most resembles is Javier Bardem, but with a bigger nose), full head of hair, wears glasses.

Idk if that's top 20% or not.

Edit:

consistently called good looking by non family members unprompted.

By this definition he's not top 20%.

Competitive-Cuddling · 2021-03-10T05:57:22+00:00

80/20 means fuck all without context.

Trying to quantify in silly ratio rules, the complexity of human attractions is stupid as fuck. Single one night stand type hookups tilt towards looks, while considering mates for partnerships involve far more complex and diverse exchanges of an individuals objective value intrinsic to the individual, male or female, doesn’t matter. Guy could be short, but a millionaire, who is funny as shit and great in bed. He will get plenty of sex and potential partners too. People and their value as partners are not based on their individual parts but the sum of them. We don’t need long expensive “studies” to understand what we all know from “Fuck, Marry, Kill?” Context is paramount and is always changing with each potential mate pairing.

Moreover, all of this “math” changes with age, wisdom, and individual experience over time. For instance a gal might start out in her early 20s going home with “chads” her age, only to find that most “hot young guys” can’t fuck for shit, nor understand her body and needs, or know how or care to make her orgasm. She may not even know how much better sex can be, until she eventually gets with a guy who is either mature enough, or cares enough about her pleasure to make the whole experience of sex, let alone a partnership, worthwhile in her mind. Then she might change her dating and partner choice behaviors out of her unique learned experience. And this is all to say nothing of individual physiology and how that relates to sexual response and subsequent experiences and behavior around sex choices, especially in women.

Most of this talk is really juvenile, strategizing that just reeks of a teenage level understanding of sex and human relationships.

0ne0s1x · 2021-03-09T22:04:34+00:00

Well he is to me, but I’m very biased and I don’t think I can give an objective judgement

poppy_blu · 2021-03-09T21:56:52+00:00

Mr Blu is top 20% but I’m hot, so. 😉

cloudsongs_ · 2021-03-09T23:21:35+00:00

I think like other women are answering, I personally think my boyfriend is hot but I don't think other women in my life would answer the same.

thelajestic · 2021-03-09T23:09:16+00:00

I have no idea 😅 I obviously think he is because for me personally he's a wee hottie. Also he has a single cheek dimple. Pretty sure all single dimple peeps are automatically in the top 20% because it's the best physical feature.

In terms of measures guys on this sub use - he has had sex with more than one other woman so he's probably a Chad. On the flipside, he's below average height and isn't muscular so probs wouldn't get the PPD boys wet.

LeatherDifference583 · 2021-03-09T22:00:11+00:00

I don't know what you mean by top 20.

Examples ?

asdf333aza · 2021-03-10T10:53:28+00:00

They're going to find out they're dating the same guy.

sweatyapplejuice · 2021-03-10T02:58:14+00:00

im single but i was considerably more attractive than my ex. actually i didn't know it at the time but he frequented incel/blackpill forums. i tend to like guys with nerdier interests/humor who coincidentally end up being on-average less attractive. like for example, if a guy's tinder is full of sports and NFL shit i'm swiping left immediately lol.

and at the time i used to think that if a guy was less attractive he was probably sweeter/valued women more, but now i think that's flawed logic with the rise of TRP/incel/mgtow forums that allow men to drown in anger and resentment for women because they've been rejected. so in conclusion, no he wasn't near the 20% but in the future if i happen to become interested in a less attractive guy, i will make 100% sure he's not involved with TRP before anything happens.

SaBahRub · 2021-03-09T22:39:26+00:00

Never put looks first, never will

He has a nice bod he’s worked on since we got together though

Moldy_Gecko · 2021-03-10T09:19:59+00:00

You're going to get a lot of "no, he's not" here, simply because of the implications. But also, the 80% that do, won't reply, and all the 20% that don't, will. As well, while they might desire for that 20% guy, not a lot of those guys are settling down and getting gfs. They're also not dating unattractive women either. And the top 20% isn't just about looks.

Tldr; you're asking for overwhelming bias in the answers.

Novadina · 2021-03-09T22:46:28+00:00

Hmm, he’s at least above average I’m pretty sure. He’s not fat, which probably puts him in the top 30% of 45 yr old men right off. He’s 6’ tall, and blonde and blue eyes, which is also points I imagine (I personally couldn’t care less about eye or hair color...). He is bald, which is a negative I would think, although he does have a good head shape for it, and he has crooked teeth also. His skin is great with no effort though, and he can grow a nice beard. He has a big dick, which I like, but no one else knows, so no one else would judge how attractive he is with that.

I know I’m pretty and I’m also not fat, so it’s not like I’m getting something out of my league here. We are probably equivalent attractiveness for our gender, maybe I’m a little bit more since I am 8 yrs younger and have put a bit more effort into my appearance.

Edit: To add my definition of the top 20% is someone who is consistently called good looking by non family members unprompted. By consistently I mean relative to the opportunity the chance it arises.

I don’t think this has happened to him at all, so I guess with this definition he is not top 20%. He hasn’t ever been hit on by women according to him, but he doesn’t do much that would actually give women the opportunity to do so. My mom has told me he’s good looking, that’s about the only person I can think that has said anything about it to me.

Fat women tend to have fat husbands, so it’s not like the less attractive women also get the hot guys.

Motherofvampires · 2021-03-10T08:26:26+00:00

My ex husband probably was. He is 6ft tall, skinny rather than muscular, but people used to tell him he looked like a certain famous actor, unprompted.

Looking back, I was a good looking woman myself though. Now I'm older I certainly can't attract top 20% of men for a relationship, even though I'm still in good shape. I could still attract them for casual if I wanted to.

sarakasm · 2021-03-10T13:28:10+00:00

I of course think he's the most attractive person in the world, but he probably is not in the objective 20%.

Short (I'm taller than him), dad bod, long hair, acne would all be things that set him apart but those are also all things I'm attracted to. Plus, personality wise, we are INSANELY compatible. But I don't think he nor I are in the top 20%.

AffectionateFox0 · 2021-03-09T23:07:21+00:00

I don’t have a boyfriend but my husband is

Jaylen-Gads · 2021-03-09T21:48:49+00:00

Out of 23 men I've slept with I would say 1 was in the top 20%. That sounds crazy but I always immediately next super hot men bc I assume they only want sex/will cheat on me. The 1 I did date for awhile begged me to see him for the first time and initiated every subsequent encounter.

I would much rather be w an average man I'm attracted to.

Dominemm · 2021-03-09T23:09:19+00:00

Hmm.

He has an average face and build with a bit of a tummy. But he’s 6”5 so do with that what you will.

He’s definitely the least conventionally attractive of my boyfriends, but his personality really makes it, and I’m attracted to him.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-03-09T23:57:20+00:00

Strawman. I have never said the 80/20 rule does not have interesting merit, only that the %80 is much less. Possibly %50 due to women's ability to improperly rate male attractiveness due to flawed methodology.

philomexa · 2021-03-10T01:57:22+00:00

He's 5'8", 145lbs-150 lbs, almost waist length auburn hair and a beautiful face, like golden ratio shit. Had a high N count in college (50+).

Is that top 20%? I think it's the top 1% so who fucking cares.

Eta: people comment on his face, but also note how small he is. He sings in a band and channels Scott Weiland/Perry Farrell twinky energy.

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DXBrigade · 2021-03-09T22:06:17+00:00

Nope, he is average looking.

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superlurkage · 2021-03-09T22:09:54+00:00

Nope

Diamond-Breath · 2021-03-10T00:02:08+00:00

He definitely is, people say he looks like Superman (he’s shorter though but not by much). He does go to the gym too but he already has a conventionally attractive face. He’s really handsome, I secretly call him my Adonis but he doesn’t know yet.

nerdypretty · 2021-03-10T00:31:26+00:00

Used to be, objectively speaking, 6'4" green eyes, gorgeous dark hair, roguish smile. I say used to because he's put on some weight and women have definitely chased him less in the past couple years but I still think hes gorgeous because I'm far enough into the relationship to care about things other than looks.

wtknight · 2021-03-10T01:04:12+00:00

[removed]

moussakas · 2021-03-10T01:15:23+00:00

He’s a really good looking man when he puts in a crumb of effort but by PPD standards I’d say no just because he’s not that tall. What makes him insanely attractive to me though is his masculine attitude that ironically also prevents him from putting in much effort into his appearance lol

wtknight · 2021-03-10T02:00:38+00:00

[removed]

2021-03-10T02:25:02+00:00

Everyone is going to say yes for no reason like its some sort of competition. Short answer, no.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-03-10T02:47:03+00:00

No. We’re both somewhere around average I think, though he often says I’m prettier and so do some other people. I don’t care, I like his look and don’t trust top 20% men one bit or even really top 30-40%. I’d rather have an average or even below average man who values me than get conned by a more attractive one. They just have to be my type.

I think a lot of women have “husband/boyfriend goggles” so they’ll say their men are top 20%, when it’s actually pretty unlikely.

cantthinkofowtgood · 2021-03-10T02:54:01+00:00

I'd say yes as i thougt he was a fitty when I first met him. Although most of the family members we see atm are his so if they thought he was fit that would be weird. I remember my best mate's sister at a wedding saying 'he's really tall and good looking' and she's usually brutally honest which I respect but it's a shit when you're on the receiving end lol.

aliyah_200018 · 2021-03-10T04:40:24+00:00

Yes he is! He is how i always pictured my dream man in every sense of the term. He is a very good man and makes me very happy, and yes because in this sub i need to clarify, his looks ARE just a bonus.

physically he is; 6'4, dark features, fit, traditionally handsome, well kept, dresses well, great smile, etc.

personality wise he is; sociable, charming, intelligent, generous, loving, in touch with his emotions.

I am very grateful for him

2021-03-10T04:53:14+00:00

I'm not sure. He is 6'4" and strong, but we me through Tinder and I almost didn't matched with him because at first I didn't though he was my type (my personal preference would be more skinny, androgynous ) also, he have very light hair and thin lips. I end up matching and we are almost 6 years going strong, and now I think he is absolutely handsome.

People (well, considering my friends) seem to have different reactions to him, either thinking he is handsome or that he is ugly. Personally, I think we are more or less in the same level of attractiveness but maybe I have a more classic/universal look.

lentilpasta · 2021-03-10T05:02:43+00:00

My partner looks so much like Ryan Reynolds that people would stop me in LA (pre pandemic obviously) and whisper-ask me if that was Ryan Reynolds. In this scenario of assumptions, I guess I’m cast as Ryan’s assistant or something?

He’s definitely in the top 20% looks wise and I’m probably not, but he is also pretty shy and relies on me for a lot socially. We click on lots of other levels too, but it doesn’t hurt that he’s easily the most handsome man I’ve dated.

Tugallois · 2021-03-10T05:38:44+00:00

the top 20% is someone who is consistently called good looking by non family members unprompted

Then nope

Pappu2021 · 2021-03-10T05:38:59+00:00

Yes most definitely 6ft white , strong broad shoulders . He isn’t rich though if that’s any consolation

_xxbby · 2021-03-10T05:50:22+00:00

YES.

6’4, very muscular (personal trains for a living), full beard, intact hairline w/ thick hair (which isn’t that common for men his age...he’s 36). Tattoos. Cute, kind eyes and a nice smile. Looks very similar to Ghost from the show ‘Power’.

We‘ve had our share of not seeing eye to eye over the years but it has never been due to lack of attraction/sex on either side. I have to beat off cougars and gay men with a stick atp.

2021-03-10T05:55:03+00:00

To me he is :)

AntWillFortune15 · 2021-03-10T05:55:33+00:00

My boyfriend isn’t top 20%. He’s tall so he has that going for him (6’2) but he’s skinny and has the whole “nerd” look going on. My dad also said that he was goofy looking lmao.

SylzzleYT · 2021-03-10T06:22:22+00:00

Pfft with these facts I’m sexy asf 😂😂according to yall i must be a .5%er 😂😂

YveisGrey · 2021-03-10T06:31:27+00:00

Mine is bald but otherwise he is good looking also tall 6’1 I think, not fat at all but he’s not in the gym all day either idk I think he’s good looking but baldness is a dealbreaker for some women.

I_sort_by_new_fam · 2021-03-10T07:18:57+00:00

yes because I'm sure women here have the "looks good" test to just hand out. how the fuck you wanna verify such data?

MelissciousMoose · 2021-03-10T07:52:32+00:00

The imaginary one? I hope not/so 😂

sweetlike314 · 2021-03-10T08:21:36+00:00

Yep! I think he’s the hottest guy I’ve ever dated, though some friends may think otherwise. I think he has looks, brains, humor and real long term compatibility across the board. People have said he looks like Christian Bale (maybe with a little wider nose and broader smile). I would throw in a little Tom Ellis too but he doesn’t think so. 6’1”, dark hair, hazel eyes, scruff, slim build, deep voice, music nerd. I don’t often get to share how cute I think he is so thought It would be fun to answer this post.

speakofthedea · 2021-03-10T09:10:25+00:00

My (f22) boyfriend (m24) is the most attractive person in the world to me. Based on your definition of top 20%, he is not in that bracket. He is not often told by strangers or acquaintances that he is good looking out of the blue. On the other hand, i get complimented and hit on quite frequently by people i dont know.

Still, based on my most honest and objective opinion i can try to muster, i do think he is conventionally attractive. He's not 6' or taller, but he's still taller than the average woman (he's 5'9). He has wavy blonde hair and blue eyes, appears very skinny but is surprisingly strong. He also has a deep, rich voice.

Yharnam_Queen · 2021-03-10T11:26:45+00:00

He is a total 1%er for me.

Spacechichen_1990 · 2021-03-10T11:31:28+00:00

No bf, but guy I’m dating on Saturday is v average. Skinny, beard & most certainly attractive but not top 20%

Alt_Er_Midlertidig · 2021-03-10T11:57:15+00:00

In the US? Yes, lol. Here? Nah, He's like a dime a dozen. Probably in the 30-40%. He has a typical cyclist build though, meaty butt and thighs, well defined calves, very nice forearms and hands, full head of hair, strong jaw, broad shouldered. He's taller than me and taller than average here, way taller than average in the US. These are just the superficial stuff about him.

someone who is consistently called good looking by non family members unprompted

What do you mean by this? Most people are not called "good looking" to their face unless they're ugly. Do you mean to say that other people tell me that he is good looking? That's a bit strange.

_mwk · 2021-03-10T12:17:19+00:00

he's hot and popular and has great vibes, but he's kinda short for a tall ppl country uni campus so idk if he fits the local 20%. he's not fat so he's def top us 20%

gudz_mozgu · 2021-03-10T12:30:28+00:00

He's the most handsome man that's ever existed for me, but even when I didn't love him I though of him as in the top 20%.

However, neither my previous boyfriend nor guys I've gone on dates with were in the top 20% and usually I wasn't the one to break-up/cut contact.

Q-9 · 2021-03-10T14:06:08+00:00

For me he's incredibly sexy. But I guess people take points down from being halfway bald, uncept beard, mental health issues, being emotional/open and usually dressing in "workers clothes". Those were the things I seen at the start the very least.

If I understand the rating right, that's not top 20% in looks wise. I'm not dating looks anyway but the personality.

DanlexTheKnight · 2021-03-10T14:29:39+00:00

My boyfriend is the coolest person ever, he is handsome and cute and he has adorable curly hair. He is underweight but that doesn’t really bother me. We met in highschool and we’ve dated for around three years now. Im not sure if he is in the top 20% but he is definitely number 1 for me. We both look a bit alike, so I suppose we are each others looks match.

wannaberunner131 · 2021-03-10T14:37:39+00:00

I think my husband is the most attractive man on the planet, but of course I see the whole man and I'm totally biased since I love him so much. He describes himself as a 4, but I've had some friends comment on his cuteness unprompted.

kiyuku · 2021-03-10T17:21:38+00:00

Nope, but he’s still the sexiest man to me!

AllThePillsIntoOne · 2021-03-10T20:58:43+00:00

The 20/80 rule applies to hookup culture via dating apps. It means 20% of guys are hooking up with 80% of the girls. If you’re a girl snd you hooked up with dudes off of dating apps, statistically you hooked up with those guys who are attracting 80% of women.

Sophiatab · 2021-03-10T21:39:17+00:00

My fiance's mother asked me, "What is a pretty girl like you doing with my son? " That should answer your question.

mountainofjoy · 2021-03-10T21:47:52+00:00

People tell him he looks like Hugh Jackman unprompted, so take from that what you will.

Kind_Entertainment_6 · 2021-03-10T22:45:28+00:00

My partner is a 6’8 God. He is oh so sexy to me. Top 20% in my book

CoffeeandTeaOG · 2021-03-12T14:02:46+00:00

Not at all. My “type” is neckbeard. I’m well above average morphed into just above average and probably about to settle in the average category sooner or later but I have NEVER been interested in conventionally attractive men. In fact, there’s a lot about conventional attractiveness that outright turns me off (being overly muscular, for example). Nope. I go for the fat gamer guy virgins who haven’t had a haircut in years every time.

LongETH · 2021-03-10T03:00:42+00:00

Looks isn’t important, some people hate the looks of the new Tesla CyberTruck . While other thinks the CyberTruck is sexiest automobile ever exist . 🤷🏻‍♂️

Nation_of_Two · 2021-03-09T22:12:16+00:00

Yes, without reservation. He is damn hot.

SeemedGood · 2021-03-09T22:49:58+00:00

[deleted]

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2021-03-09T23:13:59+00:00

to me my h looks like the actor James legros playing Brad Pitts grungiest characters--floyd from true romance and early grace from kalifornia

Mimoxs · 2021-03-10T01:10:03+00:00

Women love to say the 80/20 split is false but I'd love to see if your actions prove it.

Not dating anyone rn, but every man I have dated has been (by bmi/medical standards) either overweight or obese. I have never been (by the same standards) overweight, my bmi has stayed around 20-21. The tallest man I dated was around 5'7", the rest shorter.

Take that as you will

Letshavemorefun · 2021-03-10T02:07:51+00:00

I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a wife.

apriliasmom · 2021-03-10T08:38:09+00:00

I will actually boastfully (and ONLY in the anonymous platform of Reddit) admit that my boyfriend is not only top 20%...but top 10% in face and body (he trains jujitsu with professional MMA fighters...and has the skill to choke me out whenever I want to be). ;-)

What made me fall in love with him, though, is the fact that he didn't mind that I farted on our first date.

Bad-DPS · 2021-03-10T13:31:55+00:00

To me he is hot as hell, but looking back to my first impression of him I though "he looks good, but not my type" until we talked and realised he was the funniest guy I've met in a while, he was also akward (wich made him look insanely cute) and we had a lot of things in common, by the end of the second date we also relaised we shared a lot of values and world views. We've been toghether for 5 years now.

To answer your question, I think he is in the top 30% or 40%

The men I would qualify to be in the 20% are either models or A list celebrities, I've met maybe 5 guys irl that belong in the 20% (same goes for women)

BrosForAll · 2021-03-09T21:45:33+00:00

Im not a women, but what do you need to be top 20% of men?

thatguyfromrichmond · 2021-03-09T22:51:01+00:00

[deleted]

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-03-09T23:53:21+00:00

Based on your definition, I'd say no.

Salkoo8 · 2021-03-30T22:25:47+00:00

Objectively he has ugly face but is tall and has good body, definitely not the top 20%

Title	Q4W: Is your current boyfriend in the top 20% of men looks wise?
Author	Agreeable_Poetry_666
Upvotes	96
Comments	455
Date	March 9, 2021 9:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/m1gv56/q4w_is_your_current_boyfriend_in_the_top_20_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-is-your-current-boyfriend-in-the-top-20-of-men.768304 https://theredarchive.com/post/768304

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