Q4M: Why are you not hypergamous?

Environmental_Day558 · 2025-02-22T18:05:01+00:00

Why not seek partners who are more educated?

More successful? Ambitious, wealthier?

Better social skills? More charismatic, funnier, etc?

Because all this doesn't mean a better person or someone who would treat me better. This is the most important.

I'm doing well enough to live comfortably on my own. My wife does work and has a degree but even without her salary we would be good. So it wouldn't make sense for me to make that a top priority

Years ago I did "date up" with a woman who made more at that particular time. Took me a bit to realize she's shady and was kind of an inconsiderate asshole. So ultimately it boils down to who I like being around more.

Throw_r_a_2021 · 2025-02-22T18:12:57+00:00

Because if I were only interested in a relationship with a woman who is my sociological superior in some way then I would never be in a relationship at all, since women who are my sociological superiors don’t want to be in a relationship with me.

Jimiken96 · 2025-02-22T18:14:52+00:00

It’s just not feasible, most women do not care about those who are at a lower socioeconomic level than themselves.

Bikerbats · 2025-02-22T18:21:57+00:00

Because that's not how men think. I'm that guy, I married way out of my league in almost every respect. However, it wasn't her nascent (at the time) lucrative career that attracted me to her. That was the red miniskirt and 36" inseam that it was putting on display.

If anything, marrying a much more successful woman, has downsides that you probably don't see, but I have seen firsthand. Dudes don't get other men congratulating them on their spouse's success like women do. Instead, we're more apt to hear comments like, "So you live off your wife?" which isn't nearly as flattering.

Trancetastic16 · 2025-02-22T17:24:51+00:00

I don’t care about socio-economic status, and I’m not one of those men who claim not to but actually do - I’d be willing to date a safe prostitute (legal in AUS) or homeless person so long as they are shelter secure.

Now, I’d also be perfectly willing to date someone who fits some or all of the above in your post, but they are far more likely to want to date someone on their own level or date-up.

I don’t actively seek them out but I do shoot my shot with them if I’m attracted to them, but 99% of the time they don’t see me as compatible because they don’t date down. It’s that simple.

Fantastic_Draft8417 · 2025-02-22T17:44:03+00:00

If a man is dating up, that means his woman is dating down. Woman, the vast majority of the time, are unwilling to date down. And since men want to date women more than women want to date men, men have to play by women’s terms, which is that the woman always dates up.

treadmarks · 2025-02-22T18:39:06+00:00

Because it's not in male nature to be reliant on our partner for success in life

It's part of women's nature no matter how much feminism tells you otherwise

PuffStyle · 2025-02-22T18:55:29+00:00

3 reasons (generally speaking):

1) Per another commenter, because men want women more than the other way around.

2) Most guys want a girl who is caring, kind, giving, and easy going. Your A types and career-oriented women are the opposite. They often have a chip on their shoulder, are self-absorbed, high-maintenance, demanding, picky, and "never have the time/energy" to care about the man's needs.

3) Men are direct, action-oriented. That makes them want to be in charge. Dating a woman who makes all the money, owns all the property, and is used to being treated like top dog is NOT conducive to that because there is a lack of power/agency.

4) Women don't actually want a dependent guy. For example, think of a guy going to his wife and saying "hey, babe, is it ok if I buy a new xbox?" and 99% of the women's pussies just dried up imagining this guy.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-02-23T01:08:58+00:00

I mean - I guess I kinda am.

My missus is much more educated, wealthy and ambitious than I am, and everyone loves her.

I just thought she was cute and funny when we met.

OKSector69 · 2025-02-22T18:22:57+00:00

We can't because women only date across or up. In my personal acquaintances I really can't think of any exceptions to this. The closest you might get are a couple who both grew up working class and he's in the trades and she becomes a nurse. She might technically make more money and have more schooling, but she's not really "educated" in a broad liberal arts sense and they're both still essentially working class.

Education is only a useful metric if it's a predictor of socioeconomic status and future earning potential, which it isn't always anymore. Consider a woman who has a masters and becomes an elementary school teacher and then meets a man who dropped out of college freshman year to work at a tech startup and is now a multi millionaire. You wouldn't really say she's dating down would you?

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-02-22T18:44:13+00:00

Because we like ourselves and therefore like our female equals. Always wanting someone better is a sign of self-dislike.

El_Hombre_Fiero · 2025-02-22T18:47:19+00:00

Hypergamy looks different in men compared to women.

Women want to date up in socioeconomic status because they want a man who can fit the provider role. Someone who makes her feel taken care of. They want highly educated men because those men tend to be leaders and make more money.

I'll ask you this: How realistic is it for a woman to date down in money/status/education and then also support her man emotionally? Most higher status women I know have said that they'd rather stay single than go that route.

Of course, everyone (men and woman) looks for interesting people who have their life together and have a zest for adventure. To me, those traits don't fall under hypergamy, but basic attraction markers.

For men, hypergamy looks like dating a much hotter woman, usually younger. There are plenty of examples of that when you look at rich/famous/powerful men. And not all hot women are dumb as bricks, by the way. As an example, plenty of the supermodels that Leo DiCaprio dates are also highly educated.

saywhatitis11 · 2025-02-22T19:03:15+00:00

Good question. Our software wants signs fertility, and beauty and peace at home. Not looking to her for resources and charisma can be risky. Think of it in terms of her being his queen and the mother of his kids. She has his children and his resources.

Shy men might desire your wife or gf but might be afraid to approach. If she’s putting in all the effort by being charismatic, men mistakenly think that means she wants sex. “Wow this girl is really charming and friendly and is interested in me. Let me get her number. I don’t care she has a boyfriend because she doesn’t care either, which is obviously why she’s coming on to me.” Men mistakenly assuming women wants sex is common for men. Then he goes to her IG and sees her sweaty gym tits and her bathing suit body and her 100,000 followers and responds to her stories with hearts and fire 🔥. That’s how men see her charisma. Having your gf go to an event or party or social gathering alone being charismatic makes it statistically more likely she’ll interact with other men that she mind find more desirable. Basically it feels risky to a guy if his gf is the center of the rooms attention. The chance he’s the best she can get when she has 100,000 guys sending her messages is unlikely. Her charisma is a bad bet for their marriage.
Women divorce men when they make more money than he does. Here’s a link to read about it.. When he earns way more, very low chance of divorce, when she earns the same or more, she’s way more likely to bounce. He may be very happy that she bought the yacht and not feel threatened in his ego about her income, but when she starts to see him as another mouth to feed, her pussy dries up. Men who provide for their wives feel a lot of satisfaction doing that. Women who provide for their husbands tend to resent him. “Lazy asshole is on the laptop trying to resell shit off Craigslist while I’m busting my ass to get my PhD and climbing the corporate ladder. I saved the down payment for our first home and he’s still fucking around with forex and video games.” Men and women don’t seem to mind when he single-handedly saves for a house. I work with high paid women who greatly resent doing that.

Yes a man can be confident that he’s the man and trust her and all that. But probability wise it’s risky.

Edit: it’s never ducking, autocorrect. Never ever.

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-02-22T18:03:49+00:00

so date vps and c suiters? thats a great plan

I've also noticed that the more a woman makes the more she wants to spend. $10,000 handbags aren't really all that ridiculous when you think about it. Neither is that $40,000 kitchen remodel or regular $5000 europe vacations. always ends up in the same spot, needing more. women are always the cost center of relationships

Plazmatron44 · 2025-02-22T18:28:52+00:00

All women are hypergamous, it's hardwired into them on the instinctive level and no amount of utopian egalitarian thinking will change that. Men are not hypergamous and date down all the time, there's no shortage of thin men going with fat women and that is by default dating down.

Barely-moral · 2025-02-22T17:18:13+00:00

It seems like it would make more sense to date upwards if you want a good life. You DO want a good life, right?

Yes.

Definition of a good life. Having a partner that does not leave me. Work as little as possible.

Why not seek partners who are more educated?

Because educated women are more likely to want me to be educated thus making me work more and also they are more likely to leave because they move in circles in which she will meet educated men.

More successful? Ambitious, wealthier?

Same as above.

Better social skills?

She would be more likely to meet men that would be better partners than me and leave me (as she should of she meet those men) so it is better to find some woman with less social skills

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2025-02-22T18:24:15+00:00

Some guys are, they just don't take it as serious as women, they are fine with a mid woman that's successful with a career. They don't get the hype of desiring sexually attractive women. Hot guys also date down in looks most often I've seen, they want the woman to provide more for him, he has the looks so he wants cash in with a more full package woman like pretty girls.

More often guys want a girl with beautiful genetics, so he can have adorable kids and have a woman he's crazy about. Having a gorgeous woman who adores you is a lot of guys top goals in life. There's few things better than hot army candy, makes you feel great. You can see the envy and sometimes pain in other men's eyes who have a woman next to him that he married for more socioeconomic reasons.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2025-02-22T18:51:06+00:00

Because if we are financially secure, we prioritize qualities that make a good mother and partner - which are completely unrelated to earning ability, social status, etc.

LevelCaterpillar1830 · 2025-02-22T17:37:18+00:00

What a hilarious question. High-status women do well with men and they certainly do better than lesser educated women. Don't let the screeching you see here and there on the internet tell you otherwise.

Men will date "down" for the same reasons women date "down". That is, if the respective partner has something to make up for it. Most people are willing to tank a hit to their lifestyle and provide for someone IF said person can compensate: looks, fame, intellectual capital, emotional intelligence etc.

The reason you see men dating down socioeconomically more often than women is simple: men like women a lot more than women like men, which gives said women leverage.

The average woman sees the average man as a non-existent ghost, like Bruce Wills in that 6th Sense movie. So of course the hordes of unattractive men out there have to be at least useful, if they want anything to do with romance.

And how can they be useful? Again, simple: they can increase the woman's socioeconomic status by providing her with a certain lifestyle.

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petellapain · 2025-02-22T18:32:48+00:00

Because my sexual and mate selection desires are not logical. Logic is a mechanic used in certain contexts, not 24/7 like a robot. Even the most logical person lives day to day based on instincts, preferences, biases and emotions.

wtknight · 2025-02-23T00:45:47+00:00

I would love to have been hypergamous in terms of looks, but relatively better looking women than me were not attracted to me because they are hypergamous, themselves, and much pickier than I am.

In terms of money, women who earn a lot of money expect men to usually be even more ambitious than they are.

If I had held out for a beautiful woman who was rich but didn't expect me to be, I would still be a virgin.

ExternalBarracuda292 · 2025-02-23T10:02:57+00:00

Hypergamy doesn't really work. The problem is if your partner has higher desirability than you, they can replace you extremely easily. As such, to keep a highly desirable partner, you yourself must become equally desirable.

You can kinda get away with a bit of this by selecting a highly compatible partner, that is, someone who would assess your desirability as being higher than an average person would. This essentially allows you to get a slightly better partner than you might truly "deserve" because you happen to offer the things they specifically want. If both partners have this this is the definition of a "good match".

AssPlay69420 · 2025-02-22T17:34:34+00:00

We are starting to.

It’s kind of a trippy thing because, ultimately, when the ground shifts beneath gender roles, inevitably, we find that we’re not as different as what we criticize in the opposite sex.

Maybe men won’t be as hypergamous about money, but I picked my wife specifically because she was highly educated and I just wanted someone who could push me to be the best version of myself in a litany of contexts.

I would be under a bridge if not for her containing me into a more measured approach to life that, ironically, includes more risk.

I mean, the worst that can happen is that some venture of yours fails and you end up simply dependent on someone else.

That’s not death.

Uncertainty is uncomfortable for me, but I can cope with it if I have a “spotter”.

DietTyrone · 2025-02-22T17:36:09+00:00

Because if I already find someone attractive, why should their degree matter?

Males are supposed to be these logical creatures.

I'm failing to see how dating someone you found attractive and enjoy being around is illogical if you didn't vet them on where they went to school first. Run me through that logic.

Why not seek partners who are more educated?

Doesn't always mean they're street smart or have good social skills. Especially if they got a useless degree. If anything, a pointless degree that can't land you a decent job is less intelligent than just skipping college, saving your money, and going into a train instead.

More successful? Ambitious, wealthier?

That stuffs all great if I'm already attractive to a woman doing all this. If I'm not, none of this will matter. If I want success and money, I'll get it myself. I don't need to get it from a woman, nore do I think many women want a guy who plans to use their money.

Better social skills? More charismatic, funnier, etc?

Would be great but also not going to disqualify a woman because she's not dripping with charisma. A shy girl can still be attractive.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-02-22T17:26:47+00:00

Men are hypergamous, they just have different metrics for sexual value in a partner.

A soft harem is the perfect example. Variety is important to men.

Other than that, physical attractiveness plays the biggest role in desirability.

KamuiObito · 2025-02-22T18:17:01+00:00

Because men are logical. Women literally dating more vertical people just because it makes them feel powerlesss or something.

Love and liking sb isnt trying to squeeze things out of them..its beint attracted to their personality,looks,behaviors and wmtnality.

Loving sb because they are more educated than you isnt love or liking. Loving sb who makss more money than you is not love or liking…its just ising people as a stepping stone and letting the love be an over time thing. You sit in a prison woth the devil for 50 years youll not necessarily love him..but youd feel an attachment which often be confused for having love. When its just familiarity over time.

I genuinely think women would not like a man for real until years after this effect starts especially if it involved a lifestyle change,

EvilTribble · 2025-02-22T18:05:18+00:00

If you want to be a genetic dead end go find an overeducated career oriented feminist she'll be dead set on being childfree.

As for money, I'm a man, I make money. That's like a cow getting milk from the grocery store.

Fan_Service_3703 · 2025-02-22T17:29:43+00:00

I mean, I don't go out of my way to be "hypergamous". However, I am very (or should I say only) attracted to powerful, intelligent, confident, dominant, charismatic and stylish women.

Money and education are not a must for these traits, but the Venn Diagram is pretty fuckin large.

PrinceDuneReloaded · 2025-02-22T17:42:39+00:00

because i dont have those options lol

Conscious-Truth-7685 · 2025-02-22T18:02:47+00:00

It's weird seeing guys say that education level and career success don't matter in women when the number one cause of divorce is money or the lack thereof.

James_M_Croft · 2025-02-22T18:24:37+00:00

I don't feel the pull for a better woman when I am satisfied. Men are famous for "being happy with little" exactly because we are not hypergamous.

Wanting and pursuing something better is logical, but risking everything towards it and being completely unable to be happy with the things you do get are not logical. This is impulsive behavior, this is hypergamy. (or pathological envy, as some may call it)

You see how much happy men are in comparison to women right? the average girl boss seem to be suffering more than your average incel right? you tell me, why can't you be like us? I don't believe you can tho, this is hypergamy. It is like polygyny, it is not rational to want to have sex with as many women as humanly possible. I know that. yet we are like this, stop trying to rationalize what is not rational. It is just how mother nature made us.

Eastoss · 2025-02-23T15:13:50+00:00

Humans are "hypergamous" in that they'll aim for the opposite gender that has opposite gender's attributes better than theirs.

Masculinity's attributes are status, money, power, and age. Women's hypergamy is to aim for men who have better status, money, power and age.

Femininity's attributes are being a woman, having a womb, being feminine, being young. Men want a woman who is more womanly than them, which is easy to satisfy.

Wanting a woman who is both more womanly and more manly than you is unrealistic. Men are already not born with all of the attributes that will make them attractive to hypergamous women, and you ask them why they're not wanting more by offering less???

2025-02-22T17:58:15+00:00

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woodclip · 2025-02-22T18:01:15+00:00

Q4M: Why are you not hypergamous? Hypergamy - the action of marrying or forming a sexual relationship with a person of a superior sociological or educational background

It happens quite frequently. In those instances, the guys are usually very attractive.

Disastrous-Lynx-3247 · 2025-02-22T18:25:19+00:00

I date women who are well educated that's all there is to it . Don't know anything about being " hypergamous" while at it tho

BrightAutumn12 · 2025-02-22T18:54:41+00:00

More rational gender knows that there are a limited number of people. If everyone will date up then it'll be disastrous.

It's simply common sense to know that a person who's really high in demand would be single, most of the high demand mate would already be settled. The rational gender knows this and dates someone on their level.

So a less risk of getting cheated and abused.

qtiphead_ · 2025-02-22T19:04:49+00:00

I am. Some of the things that I like about my girlfriend are that she is tall, strong, educated (moreso than me), funny, et cetera. Not only does it make my life better, but it’s good traits to pass down to kids in the future. No idea why other men don’t seem to prioritize these things.

DreadGrunt · 2025-02-22T19:20:39+00:00

From a male POV it just doesn’t make sense most of the time really. Most guys would prefer to date the bombshell 9/10 who works part time minimum wage instead of the 5/10 C suite girl who has 3 degrees. From our POV, that generally is the more logical path to take, because we oftentimes have very different things we value in our partners.

More personally, a woman’s educational background or income has never really once appealed to me. Physical attractiveness and how much we connect with each other trumps almost everything else for me.

FarConstruction4877 · 2025-02-22T19:57:09+00:00

I do date up. I love dating up. I think most men that aren’t insecure and needs the ego boost from having a partner look up to them constantly would love to have a partner that can give them more. Just that why would a “superior” partner settle for less? Most often looks, and good looking men aren’t very common haha.

Still tho I think matching ur status is the best. A balanced relationship is the most healthy ones, if one side always feel like giving more than the other or settling in some regard there will be resentment.

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-02-22T20:20:16+00:00

I want it all, love, intelligence, confidence, education, status, high income, looks, personality, high sex drive, that is exactly what I got. It’s insane to not want these things from your life partner.

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2025-02-22T20:44:00+00:00

Because the most logical thing is to have a partner that treats you right and makes day to day life easier.

DzejSiDi · 2025-02-22T20:45:34+00:00

Hypergamy - the action of marrying or forming a sexual relationship with a person of a superior sociological or educational background

This is like defining common cold by having a runny nose. It is just one of the symptoms and this definition fails to grasp real clue of what's going on and why.

Males are supposed to be these logical creatures. It seems like it would make more sense to date upwards if you want a good life. You DO want a good life, right?

1) This is not what most men want, "woman of success" is usually not giving them what they want from a woman 2) It usually won't work if women are hipergamous, did you forget that?

Why not seek partners who are more educated?

Let me quote a classic: "... and I can't put my penis in your college degree".

More successful? Ambitious, wealthier?

Better social skills? More charismatic, funnier, etc?

You don't know what men want and you don't even know what women want.

Goonerlouie · 2025-02-22T20:54:20+00:00

I can only guess that men are hypergamous but only on one thing at a time. So they’ll pursue looks hypergamy but ignore other traits, then get sick of it and then pursue personality hypergamy and so on

Technical_End9162 · 2025-02-22T21:24:46+00:00

Because we don’t have that biology

It would be equivalent for a man to date a woman who is at his level of physical appearance or above

Also if you are dating a woman that’s above your level of competence, that means she’s less attracted to you

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-02-22T21:28:20+00:00

What made you think men don't do hypergamy lol? They do. The ones that can afford it lol. The only thing that truly matters for men is the women's attractiveness. Leonardo DiCaprio ditching his gfs when they turn 26 is him engaging in hypergamy.

Lovers691 · 2025-02-22T21:36:56+00:00

I can't even get a woman to date me normally so it won't be logical to add restrictions, tbh I also don't care about any of those thing just about if I am physically attracted to you and you treat me well. As for most men, I think it is partly because both men and women don't care about money that much as compared to looks, women's higher desire than to date up and the different value of men and women in dating

Freevoulous · 2025-02-22T21:47:46+00:00

I am, or rather was, because I won at hypergamy. The trick was to find someone who is superior to me in things I suck at and vice versa.

Me: richer, funnier, more charismatic

Her: smarter, more organized, more socially connected.

Im the typical high-energy, happy ADHD extrovert dude, basically a human Holden Retriever. There was no point looking for a woman richer than I am (I make good money easily) or more charismatic or outgoing (Im already over-the-top on my own).

I wanted someone to help me get grounded and build a life, and someone to match my libido, and got jackpot , so there is no reason to play hypergamy game any longer.

nocommentacct · 2025-02-22T22:16:39+00:00

Even logically education and wealth aren’t things I care about in a woman. Hot, loyal, loving, and honest are way more important than any of the things you listed. Except for funny. I love when my wife says something hilarious.

sammyb1122 · 2025-02-22T22:21:13+00:00

I want a partner for the purpose of happiness, not wealth or education etc. None of that stuff is an indicator of happiness to me.

Also going after people out of my league is a recipe for frustration and bitterness, so I stock to people in my own socio-economic, education and looks sphere.

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2025-02-22T23:13:17+00:00

Because I do not get hundreds of likes on dating apps, nor do I have anyone approaching me. A chimp would type shakespeare before I'd get a single date with someone like that.

BearSpray007 · 2025-02-22T23:49:08+00:00

Hypergamy is possible for women because their mating choices are based on the principle of abundance. There are abundant men able and willing to procreate with her (or at least try), it’s logical and in her best interests to select the best possible option for her outcome.

Male mating choices are based on the principle of scarcity. Females are NOT nearly as willing to procreate with men (on average), and for the best options there is steep competition, so hypergamy in men would actually further reduce available options making it illogical. Not to mention highly successful women are often STILL hypergamous, making male hypergamy even less optimal.

ThickyJames · 2025-02-23T01:23:41+00:00

Because men are satisficing between mate access, paternity certainty, and mate quality. Male hypergamy would end up with polyandry the same as hypergamy does. Why it doesn't form is because it reduces paternity certainty to nil, but as the Romans said, mater semper certa est.

Spicy_take · 2025-02-23T01:33:38+00:00

If men and women both only dated across and up, everyone would be alone. On top of that, none of what you mentioned matters to me as “dating up”. Dating up for me is a woman younger than me, hotter than me, has an eye for detail, some creativity, and is generally easy to get along with. Her wealth, ambition, etc. are fine and all but really don’t add much to my life.

growframe · 2025-02-23T01:55:15+00:00

You DO want a good life, right?

I want a good life of my own. I don't want to date into one.

I don't see dating as a ticket to social mobility.

GH0STRIDER579 · 2025-02-23T02:03:17+00:00

This is what you call aiming above your league.

Kanenas_T_Potas · 2025-02-23T04:31:58+00:00

Why not seek partners who are more educated? More successful? Ambitious, wealthier? Better social skills? More charismatic, funnier, etc?

I guess that I don't really care about those things because I want my partner to make me happy and I don't think that being hypergamous would necessarily make me happy.

I simply try to filter for people that I find attractive/interesting and don't focus on their success. Sometimes I land on people that have all of these, and sometimes I land in people who don't have a penny. And I just let the relationship happens until one of us gets tired of it.

Proudvow · 2025-02-23T04:44:19+00:00

Because:

Contrary to popular opinion, we're not entitled fucks. I don't expect any more from a women in terms of resources than I bring to the table myself.
As men we're inclined to acquire whatever material items we want ourselves, instead of waiting on a partner for them. That's because we're not the gender that gets pregnant and has to rely others during the process; there is no biological reason for us to not seek self-sufficiency.
More successful people tend to have have higher standards, which someone isn't gonna feel like putting up with if they don't see that success as any sort of added value romantically.
A hypergamous man isn't going to have a very fun time, since the superior women he favors are generally not going to be interested in dating him. Similarly, less fortunate people are sometimes easier to deal with.
A vulnerable woman inspires our inner provider and protector, and her gratitude is rewarding in and of itself. Being depended on by someone you like can give a sense of comfort.
How someone looks and behaves is far more important to men than status symbols. We make our own status and don't look to women for it.

Better social skills? More charismatic, funnier, etc?

It's nigh impossible for men to vet for that in the initial stages of dating, since women tend offload the majority of the early social burdens to the men they date.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-02-23T08:26:18+00:00

This is a great question ! Indeed, like many other men, I grew up in an environment that expect me to be the provider, so a woman's finance was not in my requirement. I was still looking for a woman with a high level of studies

But when I learned about the problem with individualism, nucleic families and the history of marriage and how it evolved (I recommand you to read "Marriage, a history" from stephanie Coontz, a great book), I discovered I have too much expectations from what I was looking in my partner

There are things that only my partner can give (emotional intimacy, deep friendship, sex, etc.) I seek the rest in my other relationships (wisdom, experience, money, status)

With that I only have to choose a kind woman who genuely loves me and will stay by my side. I don't expect her to play the role of a whole village. I have people I like and I can relly to in my life

BonesAndStuff01 · 2025-02-23T16:24:05+00:00

Because we can't be? Is this a joke question or something or bait? Or is the empathy gap really that fuckin huge haha.

MurkyBall5 · 2025-02-23T16:51:30+00:00

Huh, good question really. I do not know why I haven't done that more often besides lack of encounters that could lead towards the direction of asking someone out. I mainly just dated/ tried to date off of, if I meet them in person and we seem to get along and have enough in common, I'll ask to do one of our shared interest together or just something they enjoy that I think I could get into as a date. I normally only get to the stage of a conversation where I learn enough about someone to do that with peers or lower. I really interact with someone of a "superior sociological or educational background" in a capacity that would let me learn enough about them to do that. And just asking someone out without knowing that much about them at least feels odd and shallow, like I'm only going off appearance.

I don't know how I'd even go about meeting people i could preform hypergamy with and learn about them, in a casual setting where it is appropriate to ask someone out on a date. I definitely fit the description of someone who would like to engage in hypergamy since i want a partner i can rely on and trust and that is more likely to be found in people of a higher sociological or educational background

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-02-23T19:49:56+00:00

Because none of that is required to better my experience in a relationship, if all of those examples are required to me more than yourself in a relationship then it just shows that you want the other person to do/substitute everything for you in life and have little to no ability to feel attraction to the actual person (especially including the charisma and social skills part).

shadowrangerfs · 2025-02-24T03:25:43+00:00

Men can only be hypergamous if women aren't. I can't date up if the woman also wants to date up. She won't be interested in me because she wants someone better than her.

Her being more educated and successful doesn't mean she will treat me better. I care more about how she treats men than how much money she makes.

Also, how much of that money is she going to spend on me? If she makes more money than me, is she still going to expect me to pay for the dates?

Fun_Push7168 · 2025-02-24T13:40:29+00:00

There are lots of factors already discussed. Other bits aside, even if they went away for the most part, making it perfectly plausible, women aren't generous with men so there isn't any benefit to be had.

insert_dead_memes · 2025-02-24T17:09:39+00:00

I would be if it was possible, shit sounds fire

Routine_Condition273 · 2025-02-25T21:59:03+00:00

What makes you think women would want to date a guy who is less wealthy/ambitious/charismatic than she is?

Dating as a guy is hard enough as it is, trying to date upward is basically impossible. I'd sooner try to win the lottery, my chances would be much better.

RadiantRadicalist · 2025-02-26T16:45:29+00:00

"Hypergamy" Is not just the act marrying someone who has more money, or more educated, or whatever it's literally just the act of marrying someone who could be considered overall superior to you in one way or another and this isn't like blatant superiority no if your Husband is just slightly superior to you're then your considered hypergamous.

We cannot measure hypergamy because it is everywhere whilst also being nowhere your wife could be superior to you at a myriad of things but also inferior to you at a myriad of things that you never even knew until 30 years worth of marriage and even so you don't care ultimately men will marry a woman which has a higher education, earns slightly more or has superior skills in something (Communications, time management, etc.) and if the combination of every skill into a single metric one or the other (Husband or Wife.) is going to be considered "technically" superior to the other however you would never know unless your doing some type of interrogation which most couples don't do.

I don't understand the hyperfixation on hypergamy and hypogamy when if you examine it in display you see it 24/7.

Yeah that redpill jackass his wife is a calm, collected, well-mannered individual that can manage his finances 10x better than he can and whenever she's in the room he speaks when spoken to.

DarthoDrak · 2025-03-01T08:32:41+00:00

(In case this needs saying, men aren’t actually logical, this was a lie)

I think this is an evolved preference. You probably already know the theory there.

As for how it’s actually experienced, I actually don think “yeah it would be nice to be with someone very successful and wealthy, because this would be make life much easier for us both”, but it’s in the same way that I think it’d be cool to win the lottery. It doesn’t make any difference to the way I feel about a woman.

I assume women feel a tangible sense of attraction to a man when they think about how wealthy and successful he is. This is completely alien to me and I believe pretty much all men.

You mentioned social skills, but this is very different category to wealth and status. Good social skills means you can connect and have a good time. So they’re very important for romantic attraction, but again it’s not about being attracted because you think they’re especially skilled / high-status.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2025-02-22T18:08:08+00:00

In nature males from species with male-based hierarchies (such as us human apes) are source of status, not leeches.

KayRay1994 · 2025-02-22T17:44:40+00:00

This is gonna be a take this sub doesn’t like - but I think the concept of hypergamy, for both genders, is heavily overplayed and over exaggerated. I don’t its evolutionary origins, but at the same time social and cultural evolution usually supersede biological evolution in that as a species we’re highly adaptable and cultural evolution happened rapidly the past few thousand years. Of course, I’m not saying it doesn’t exist at all anymore nor am I saying because its far less of a factor, women should date homeless losers or something (as I’m sure some here will run with). There are still tons of nuances to come through.

That being said, frankly, long as she isn’t a slacker or a loser - I couldn’t care less.

So yeah, it’s a combination of it being an overblown concept + me not really caring… like if you’re not a slacker/loser, we have chemistry and there are no major red flags then that’s all I need

James_M_Croft · 2025-02-22T18:30:07+00:00

You tell me, why would it the endless pursuing of more materialistic pursuits be valuable to me? Why it rational? I am happy in wanting little. Men are happier than women. Maybe the question is, why can't women be like us and want little?

Why not seek partners who are more educated?More successful? Ambitious, wealthier?Better social skills? More charismatic, funnier, etc?

Sincerily? no. I look for someone who is not too much of a problem in my life and gives me sex here and there. But these are rare.

bison5595 · 2025-02-23T12:42:44+00:00

Because having an higher education doesn’t really add any value. Society expects men to provide not women, so her being ambitious is great but it’s lower on this list of priorities. Also, that limits the options available also

RahLyt · 2025-02-23T15:07:28+00:00

If you're truly logical you understand that chasing this man made stats is truly dumb.

just_a_place · 2025-02-24T04:32:52+00:00

Because we'd go from getting some pussy to zero pussy.

Also, our specie's sexuality just doesn't work that way. Women are not attracted to lower tier men, and men know this. We are not stupid enough to chase after women that aren't attracted.

Hypergamy is a female thing because you are the ones attracted to it, we aren't. It serves absolutely no purpose and is not hot in any type of way to us.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-02-24T12:16:38+00:00

We all try to date upward. That is not hypergamy though. Achieving to date upward is hypergamy. Superior social status also includes being more attractive, being more sexually desired, younger, etc.

As societes become more equal and rich, people tend to marry others who are more similar to them in every regard. The traditional trade between social status/wealth and youth/beauty is still ingrained in culture and our thinking, but it's not what is realized in that way to large degrees anymore. Studies find that women overestimate how important they think social status/wealth are in a mate, and that men overestimate how important youth/attractiveness are. In effect, both choose mates who are close the them in attractiveness/age/wealth/education/etc.

If that is because of preference of sameness, or because it doesn't work any other way, when you apply "everyone tries to get the best partner that also wants them", doesn't matter.

InterestingDiamond35 · 2025-02-24T15:36:26+00:00

Attraction is a feeling forced on us by our brains, it isn't a logical choice. If we could rationally and intelligently decide for practical financial purposes what we feel attraction for, we would all be gay and go after men. But since attraction isn't a choice, we are attracted to idiotic things like useless boobs and long hair and makeup.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2025-02-24T18:08:17+00:00

I am in a way. I only date women around my tax bracket, but only because of the courts. If it wasn't for the risks for men in family courts, I really wouldn't care as much. What I absolutely care about is her kindness, intelligence, integrity, and wisdom.

Charisma and social status mean very little to me as long as she knows how to hold herself in public situations. Lastly, most higher education is worthless these days. Too many graduates can't write well or solve a problem or do basic math - I'd rather a life-long learner.

Title	Q4M: Why are you not hypergamous?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	6
Comments	275
Date	February 22, 2025 5:13 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ivnn6e/q4m_why_are_you_not_hypergamous/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-why-are-you-not-hypergamous.1544622 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544622

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