Which pill explains what I noticed on datingoverthirty?

wekacuck · 2021-04-08T18:59:54+00:00

Hey at least you're not reading sexover30 where it's a dice roll between

"finally dumped by husband, found this amazing muscular guy who has a giant dick and makes me cum non-stop for 7 hours"

and

"finally opened the marriage, found this amazing muscular guy who has a giant dick and makes me cum non-stop for 7 hours"

RDelbson · 2021-04-09T02:42:52+00:00

The women on dating over thirty, or more generally, the women who use dating apps (a minority to begin with as we can see from the data that is released from these dating app companies) are only going to match with the men in the upper bracket in terms of looks. This has already been confirmed by OKCupid, Tinder, etc. So those men that they are matching with and having sex with are all alphas/top tier in looks, and its these men that typically want sex, can get sex, and then move on to a new girl after getting sex.

The men on dating over thirty are average men. They don't get hot steamy sex. They get ghosted/ don't even get a date because to most women, they are invisible.

TL;DR the men who make posts on datingoverthirty are not the men discussed by the women making posts on the sub.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-04-08T19:21:14+00:00

The one that says “men only want one thing”? If a dude is going to ghost, it’s gonna be after sex. If a woman is going to ghost, it will probably be before.

BigDudBoy · 2021-04-08T20:19:44+00:00

Blackpill or redpill, both say it. Women go after higher value men, the men have sex with them then ghost since they're higher value and don't care about anything more than that with those women. The lower value men get used for attention / validation by women (match, text a bit) then get ghosted.

The basic difference is men will fuck down, so women have easy access to high value sex but not as much to relationships.

_lemazaki · 2021-04-08T18:17:59+00:00

I don´t know WHICH pill. lolBut I know these guys just want to bang and once they got what they want... they vanish.On girls side, they ghost before because they are looking for something (sex or dating ) and found someone better... ghosting the other ones.

801735 · 2021-04-08T18:36:46+00:00

Which pill explains what I noticed on datingoverthirty?

Probably all of them, just differently/different conclusions/rationalization.

Turbo_superbike · 2021-04-08T19:36:00+00:00

The nerds and normies are pumping and dumping the women whom they could not pump and dump in their teens and early twenties

samplistical · 2021-04-08T23:39:14+00:00

32 year old male, here's my experience.

For the past 10 or so years I've been dating women anywhere from 24 to a couple years above my own age and I've noticed a marked difference in the women my own age. For reference, I am well-educated, 6 figure job, good looking in the face, okay body, kind of short (but I haven't really had issue with that). The 30+ women are typically well-educated and have good jobs, but it's like they have had the life sucked out of them, for lack of a better way to describe it. The dates feel more like you're having a drink with a co-worker as part of a work event than a date. It's almost like there's an agenda they're following. The flirting is... weird, if they do at all. There's an underlying anxiety that comes through, like they're suddenly out of time and scrambling. It's really noticable and off-putting. I've rarely gotten past a few dates to a few weeks with them before cutting it off.

The women in their mid to late 20s are just generally more pleasant to be around. They're able to keep things light and fun, especially in the first few dates. They seem to treat those more like they actually want to see if we can have a good time together and get along rather than interviewing. Most of these girls have lasted for months or longer.

Now here's my "pill" explaination for the ghosting with the above experiences. Really more applying Patrice O'Neal to the scenario than anything.

In the beginning (early dates), men are generally after sex, with the possibility of a relationship. Women are generally after a relationship, with the possibility of sex. Men can have sex without an emotional connection and build a relationship on top of that, while women generally build up to sex after forming an emotional connection.

To quote Patrice, "Pussy isn't all I want, unless that's all you've got".

That's a very important point. For example, if we go out and I'm physically attracted to you (and I am given we're going out), I will have sex with you. Full stop. A relationship is either going to grow from that point or it's not. So it could be that you say or act in a way that first date that's clearly not someone I could date long-term, or in three months nothing has grown and I'm moving on. In either scenario, sex is usually still on the table.

Since men have to present themselves a certain way from the get-go to be considered by a woman as a potential mate in order to earn sex, the story is different. If these women are only thinking about it from the female perspective, they may think "I don't understand, we had sex, I thought we really had something".

I'm not saying ghosting is the right or best way to end these things, but that could be an explaination for the ghosting.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-04-08T18:30:06+00:00

Most people over 30 and single are probably freshly out of a LTR or marriage. Maybe not true for the very early 30s, but generally true by mid-30s and up

I’d guess they’re making the fundamental mistake of treating a new guy like a long term relationship - their expectations are out of line with what the reality of the situation is

The other option, especially for the older crew, is that they’re new to OLD and don’t understand how to play that game. That’s part of why I wasn’t interested in it when I was freshly separated - I knew damn well that I’d be naive fresh meat with no idea how to play that game. Up against men who have been using OLD for literally decades

Just meet people IRL

flamingoinghome · 2021-04-08T18:13:41+00:00

If you don't even kiss a guy more than a peck on a date, it doesn't feel weird that he ghosts, so you don't feel the need to write a reddit post about it.

says_harsh_things · 2021-04-08T20:58:30+00:00

My guess is these women aren't as fun to hang out with as they believe they are.

datazulu · 2021-04-08T18:30:10+00:00

Hmm this may be more related to the morning after pill.

SherbertBacon · 2021-04-09T00:27:40+00:00

It SEEMS all the ghosting happens after these hot and steamy makeout sessions or sex

1 2 3

This is exactly why I say PPD anecdotal evidence can only be used to dismiss universals. Confirmation bias colors everything else.

Now for the guys, I NEVER see posts like this. I mostly see, I matched with a lot of girls, had dates planned out for me, and they all ghosted me this week.

I do, all the time actually.

Which pill explains what I noticed on datingoverthirty?

The ImaginationPill, or... the ConfirmationBiasPill, or.... TheSelfAffirmingProphecyPill. I don't know, take your pick.

SaBahRub · 2021-04-08T18:18:30+00:00

Duh, the man got what he wanted, so bye

That’s all pills

NockerJoe · 2021-04-08T18:10:34+00:00

What you're noticing is why the 3 month rule doesn't work. A lot of guys who want just sex are willing to wait for the just sex. Or else, he's willing to overlook a lot for sex initially but once he's getting it he's going to be questioning how much he's actually willing to overlook for that sex.

A lot of people will question why a dude will go through all that to immediately leave after the sex and the best answer I can give is either they aren't offering much besides sex to begin with that the man values, or else they weren't that great at sex and there wasn't much compatibility there. But in both cases they boil down to the idea that either the sex or the relationship was probably not that great *for him*, even if she was into it.

Which is why I constantly harp on FDS types not just about sex, but the fact that they rarely bring to the table what a lot of men actually look for in a partner otherwise, and their whole guidebook is full of shit that will actively drive away all future partners besides the ones that get them in the exact scenarios OP describes.

Bandit174 · 2021-04-08T18:10:01+00:00

Red and black pill.

alberto-hoff · 2021-04-08T18:23:09+00:00

People that seek relationship advice from the internet are inherently flawed.

You can say the exact same thing as all the other dating subs as well as TRP and FDS.

People who flow through dating don't need advice from internet strangers

GridReXX · 2021-04-08T22:43:50+00:00

Don’t many guys ghost/leave after sex at 17, 22, 27? What is unique about them doing it to 30+ women?

Chicks complain about that way before “the wall.”

Finding “the one” isn’t easy. If it were, there would be no divorce and no involuntarily “unable to find someone I like” single people. Also there would be zero loveless/lustless/affection-less relationships.

Dolphin_Moon · 2021-04-09T03:02:22+00:00

This thread is giving me a headache lmao

poppy_blu · 2021-04-08T19:33:32+00:00

Don’t need to a pill to explain what has been standard dating dynamics since the sexual revolution.

Also people who have good experiences dating aren’t going to a Reddit dating sub to talk about it. Once again Reddit doesn’t represent real life.

And no that’s not a contradiction. Life is not black and white. It’s common enough to be common but not common enough that it represents every single over 30 (or any other age) dating experience.

tiposk · 2021-04-08T18:52:21+00:00

So women fuck on first date and are ghosted right away. Fuck at some point and get ghosted after some time. Get in a relationship and get ghosted.

Congrats, you just discovered that relationships end!

GunnzzNRoses · 2021-04-08T18:59:17+00:00

That sub is comprised of people of that age that OLD too much.

People that religiously OLD are pretty much the worst cut of men and women.

It's their loss. I know plenty of 30 somethings that have a ball dating. But they never OLD.

Hoopy223 · 2021-04-08T18:55:39+00:00

Looking at those 30-40 dating boards its like the same people from the 20s one except older/fatter/kids and jobs lol. Same shit different day.

2021-04-08T21:27:08+00:00

It's a blackpill quite literally. This observation goes against the idea of red pill that states men have more power after 30 and that women's SMV drops significantly to a point where they have to entertain more men. Looks like even after 30, there's a few top tier guys still getting away with pumping and dumping while the rest can't even get a girl to show up to a planned date LMAO

Anthony-waltzs · 2021-04-08T19:17:20+00:00

The red pill. The red pill tells you and explains to men and women why dating for older women is going to be more challenging and not as easy as back in her twenties. The reason being is because women most women have kids and have baggage that a lot of men do not want or care to deal with at all that including men who want to start their own family the woman has low fertility. I do not understand why women take it so personally when you have sex with a man and he leaves, wow you had sex with a guy you liked and had a great time that's the whole point of dating. You sound no different than the guys who get mad when they take a woman out for dinner and pay and get mad because he didn't get laid that night.

Punished-Atlas-B · 2021-04-08T18:36:31+00:00

no shit guys ghost after sex

lulll · 2021-04-08T18:58:39+00:00

that doesn't seem all the different to what people under 30 go through, people over 30 have more baggage but that's about the only difference between dating over 30 and dating under 30. seems like the standard way of dating life for everyone at this point thanks to the social media brain poisoning, the only winners are sociopathic hot guys who have the ability to pump and dump as much as they want and women keep falling for it

MrBittersweetcookie · 2021-04-08T19:39:34+00:00

So you guys have dates?

nyclaurco · 2021-04-08T19:56:08+00:00

the guys stamp their feet every time they hear women employing the 3 month rule when we’re looking to get into a relationship, but that sub is all the proof that you need. there is no “pill”. that’s reality.

bottomLobster · 2021-04-08T21:11:34+00:00

IMHO the problem most often with all 3 scenarios is that the woman is dating way out of her league. Of course, woman can find a man for sex at any age, shape and size, but for a relationship it is a different story.

What's more, after their 20's on the famous cock carousel these women are not used to compromise, let alone provide real value to the man.

Hence, they are being ghosted.

This is TRP 101.

pleasedontknowmee · 2021-04-08T21:16:15+00:00

i don’t know the answer but I would just like to chime in and say I have been ghosted by the ones with no kiss on multiple dates, more than the ones i have sex with immediately. it’s entirely subjective

fatalcharm · 2021-04-09T01:45:36+00:00

The things you mentioned in your second paragraph do happen, but they aren’t really worth talking about or asking for advice over. If I went on a date with a dude, no kissing and he then ghosted me, it’s pretty clear that we didn’t click. If I date a dude for 3 dates, we kiss but nothing else and he ghosts me, I am slightly more curious, but still assume that I wasn’t what he was looking for. It’s easy to figure out and I don’t need to come to the internet looking for advice or validation.

The stuff that you mentioned in the first paragraph can be very confusing for some women. If you are making out with a dude, then obviously you feel some connection to him. Maybe the conversation was awesome, maybe you feel “at home” with him etc. women (in general) tend to get physical, only if they feel some sort of connection that goes deeper than just the physical. Men (in general) can seperate the physical connection from the mental/emotional much easier than a woman can. So a man can easily make out with a woman he feels no connection to, then ghost her which leaves the woman confused because she felt some kind of connection there.

blueXcat · 2021-04-09T04:50:37+00:00

Women should stop using tinder for romantic relationships

mechanical_elves · 2021-04-09T05:35:05+00:00

the guys seem o be getting passed up for other guys before anything even happens, the women seem to be getting ghosted by the guys they do choose

How is this not the most straightforward example of blackpill possible

samplistical · 2021-04-09T06:32:19+00:00

Point taken on the long reply. This has turned ad hominem and we know what that means, but I let it veer off course. Let's reeeeel it on back in succinctly:

OP's question was why women on datingover30 are getting ghosted after sex and is there a 'pill' explaination. My generalized proposal is this:

For men, sex is just sex unless a relationship develops.
Men will have sex even if there aren't indicators of long term relationship material.
These 30+ women are not giving off qualities the men value in a long term partner, so they are getting sex without the relationship (ghosted).

daddysgotanew · 2021-04-08T18:23:11+00:00

Women batting way out of their league, what else is new. A man with options didn’t stick around? Shocking I tell you..

abcdxyzx · 2021-04-08T18:29:20+00:00

Most of these woman 30+ are toxic af to be around, most of them are “career woman” (basically a heavily passive aggressive dude with tits and a vagina), have unpleasant “boss bitch” personalities (actually just saying any rude thought that comes to their mind) and are jaded from getting turned over by so many dudes. Instead of being grateful to date you, the girl is going to be bitchy the whole time as a way to get back at you for the failed relationships she had in her youth.

Lokipoki29 · 2021-04-08T19:19:09+00:00

IMO if you are over 30 and single it is a huge red flag ( for both men and women ) if you never wanted a relationship then it s ok

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-04-08T19:10:55+00:00

I can't believe people over 30 can be so stupid that end up ghosted.

M4sterDis4ster · 2021-04-08T19:04:58+00:00

Its Red Pill theory and Blue Pill reality.

haiti817 · 2021-04-08T23:32:26+00:00

I got permeant ban from that sub for pointing out exactly what you pointed at. Well I said most of the gurl posting on that sub is women and then there each all giving each other bad advise

Shadowgirl7 · 2021-04-09T08:42:36+00:00

r/FemaleDatingStrategy pill.

Gari_305 · 2021-04-09T11:53:54+00:00

In short you are over 30, you are not as cute as you wee in your 20's. Men on the other hand are starting to get more options when they are in their 30"s +, thus having sex with you was more of a tutorial.

In the end you were a notch count.

This is the aforementioned "wall" in the red pill community in which, women may be able to have sex but commitment after 30 is damn near impossibility to men who are self aware and men becomes so after age 33.

mydikishomofobik · 2021-04-09T14:31:15+00:00

Women generally reject men before sex while men reject women after sex. Men like to get laid and have pretty low standards when they're horny. Or their main goal is getting laid and once they get it, they're done.

Stevefr0mYellowstone · 2021-04-09T19:55:27+00:00

This sounds to me like an affirmation of red pill sentiment.

For the women, they are getting dates with top tier men, men who have lots of options. These men have so much in terms of options that there is no need to commit. It is highly likely that they are spinning plates and seeing other women. They either have so much abundance that they can quickly ghost the woman after intimacy, or perhaps they stick it out for a while in either a dry spell or when their number of plates is low enough to allow it, before things pick up again and depart for real (ex. the 6 month example).

The guys making the complains are guys who aren't in the top 20%, as the top 20% either wouldn't have the issue at all, or when they do have the issue it doesn't matter because the woman is easily replaceable, and hence no need to post about it online. The men in the remaining 80% are going after women who have tons of options merely by being women. So these women may initially agree to a date but flake because they very easily found another option, or have so many dates already that they just forgot about the guy.

nemma88 · 2021-04-09T20:56:38+00:00

Pussy men and women ghost.

My pill.

somebullshitrp · 2021-04-09T01:38:28+00:00

Because women are fucking above their pay grade when it comes to online dating, and men are fucking below.

This means that women will constantly post their lamentations about how the guy ditched out once they had sex. He got the sex, from what was probably (to him) a below average girl, and moved on.

If women were banging below their status, no guy world ghost them.

youarenotabot · 2021-04-08T20:22:18+00:00

The red pill.

Alpha males ghosting women after sex.

Beta males getting ghosted once female matches with Alpha male and monkey branches to him instead.

SexySPACsMan · 2021-04-08T18:09:16+00:00

If you're single over thirty you likely suck to be around and or have standards that are beyond what you're worthy of.

Leads to a lot of failures for men and women alike

zeedoctorzee · 2021-04-08T18:22:34+00:00

Once you are 30 guys think all you are worth is for the sex so once they get that or think it will take too long to get they disappear. If you wanted a partner you should not have waited until you were 30 bitch.

superlurkage · 2021-04-08T18:38:44+00:00

Um, all of them?

Bezza777 · 2021-04-08T20:16:02+00:00

The women who date over thirty and have successful relationships don't post on reddit because why would they.

I'm sure there are women who have posted in the past, are now in a successful relationship and aren't posting about it as well.

Simply put, the subreddit is there for people to complain, so that is what you primarily see.

Also, men are either less likely to share such experiences or have a different place to do so.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-04-08T20:58:46+00:00

I don't even know why that is a sub. Thirty isn't even old.

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Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-04-08T20:15:56+00:00

No such thing as ghosting for women who are bedable in that timescale, ghosting is not a thing. Other women who don't go into bed just weren't for him, or there are too many sluts in the sea to be worth his time, simples. It surprised me hitting 30, that women are at peak sluttiness, its like they're running around trying to marry up by whatever means necessary.

Brainless-Wonder · 2021-04-08T21:10:51+00:00

Normiepilled.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-04-08T21:16:30+00:00

Just because the guys aren't writing in that they are getting ghosted, it doesn't mean they aren't getting ghosted.

Five_Decades · 2021-04-08T22:31:18+00:00

men want sex and women want validation/options. each side abandons the other after they get what they want.

that's more red pill.

DissidentRaptor · 2021-04-08T23:09:06+00:00

drew8311 · 2021-04-08T23:51:01+00:00

What is the real difference between this and people under 30 dating? If we are talking about online dating its clear women can easily get dates with guys a bit out of their league. In that case its always the guy who would do the dumping since he can do better for an LTR. I think the only real difference is 20 year olds know its short term and don't get mad when it ends like this, 30 year olds might actually want something more and you get surprised pikachu when they repeat things they did in their 20s.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-04-08T23:54:28+00:00

People just ghost because they are too coward to say anything, its not a pill thing. There are just crappy people on both sides of the fence.

MemeStocksYolo69-420 · 2021-04-09T00:14:52+00:00

I’m not gonna agree that guys wait to quit till they make out or have sex, but maybe that’s about the time they realize they’re not interested anymore. It just takes more time for them, but for women they are much more picky from the get go

wtknight · 2021-04-09T01:05:03+00:00

If this is truly the normal pattern of the messages on this sub, it's basic Red Pill/evolutionary biology stuff. Men are polygynous so of course they care about "collecting" sexual experiences. They ghost because either they had no real intention of finding a serious relationship to begin with, or because the guy realizes/thinks that he can do better. Ideally, men want to keep multiple women available to have sex with, due to men's polygynous nature, but most women aren't going to want this (especially the ones over 30 who are wise to being plated), so the only option for the guy who isn't serious about a woman is to ghost.

Women, on the other hand, are hypergamous. She's going to ghost if she suddenly realizes that she's not into the guy and thinks that she can do better. She realizes that he's not her ideal guy, she's not getting sexually aroused for him, and thus sex never ends up happening. By the time sex happens, that's when she's into him, so she's going to be the one who is mystified when she gets ghosted.

Of course, women sometimes use guys for sex and the guys get ghosted, too. But considering this sub is a sub for people looking for relationships, the women at this stage are looking for relationships and not simply sex so they're going to be the ones getting ghosted after sex.

Empty_Associate · 2021-04-09T05:10:35+00:00

blackpill

my man just saw some random above average 18 yr old chick and was like, why settle?

Gh3tt0-Sn4k3 · 2021-04-09T07:09:37+00:00

I'm very tired of these experts trying to... well yeah, I don't even know what they try to explain us with all this lessons,

This is simpler than you guys think, you went on a date and he ghosted you? not your guy, not compatible.

You had been going on dates for a couple of months and he is acting distant out of nowhere? not your guy, not compatible

When this kind of things happens , it's not your fault, it's not the other's persons neither. It's just that you didn't find the right person. What are you going to get trying to understand why they left you? You don't need to change, you don't need to improve your game, you don't need to blame women, It's JUST that it's not the right person!!!

alberto-hoff · 2021-04-09T12:32:16+00:00

Maybe the sex just didn't do it for these guys? You don't know if you have sexual chemistry until you try.

Nation_of_Two · 2021-04-10T00:29:58+00:00

Is this what happens to other people? Weird...I never get ghosted. Never dumped. Huh.

insertcredit2 · 2021-04-10T07:07:22+00:00

Online dating data shows the 80/20 rule in full effort and explains what's happening. All the women are selecting the same men so those guys have an abundance of women who want to date them so these guys are going to dump these girls the moment they get a bit bored as their are 15 other girls queuing up to date him.

This is combined with the reality that if these highly eligible guys in their 30s and not in a committed relationship it's very likely that they are not interested in committed relationships.

TodTheRod01 · 2021-04-13T00:29:30+00:00

What OLD do you hear dudes getting tons of matches with women??

Naus1987 · 2021-04-09T02:13:23+00:00

I’ve gotten yelled at a few times on that sub for accidentally talking about MGTOW (men going their own way). I always forget that some people find freedom to be offensive. -shrugs-

I like this channel, because I’m not extreme enough to be red pilled. I still believe in the Disney romance. But until I find someone willing to chase that dream with me — I’m just going my own way.

I’d rather not suffer through casual hook ups if it’s not what I want.

—

Overthirty is an interesting sub, but I think they censor topics way too much.

DownVotesWrongsOnly · 2021-04-09T02:18:23+00:00

Red: 1) you're a booty call 2) you're still a ho 3) "going well" means what, exactly? Did you mess up?

Blue: 1) you gave it up too early 2) he's a big meanie for not committing, maybe you should have waited longer 3) don't do any introspection, just go try again.

Ironically they all say the same thing, but both are too scared to tell you: "go and sin no more"

Title	Which pill explains what I noticed on datingoverthirty?
Author	Sudden-Double
Upvotes	134
Comments	397
Date	April 8, 2021 6:04 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mmxmsf/which_pill_explains_what_i_noticed_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/which-pill-explains-what-i-noticed-on.778255 https://theredarchive.com/post/778255

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