Let's be honest here. No macho answers, and no judgement. In reality, how many guys here would be happy to get validation from your ex that the divorce was not your fault?

azwildcat74 · 2023-07-19T14:50:52+00:00

I honestly already know that to be the case and I think it would just piss me off to be told that at any point. As with everyone else here the divorce was 100% my fault according to her during the split.

xosto · 2023-07-19T15:36:33+00:00

I spent an equal amount of time blaming myself and blaming her before just accepting that this is the way things were destined to be.

Her accepting blame would be refreshing but it would be a step backwards.

I know I had a role to play in getting the marriage to where it was by putting her on a pedestal, taking her rejection personally, and withdrawing. I wanted her validation then. That's how my neediness contributed to the decline.

I also know she had a role in it by withholding affection, living in a fantasy world where she expected she wouldn't have conflict, expecting never to need to communicate with her spouse. And the deathknell which was her refusal to bring up her dissatisfaction when it arose and to refuse marital counseling well before our separation. She held onto resentment and used it to detach and move on without telling me.

So if she acknowledges what she did was wrong, so be it, but I already know it and I've moved on from needing it.

ranger69danger · 2023-07-19T15:08:53+00:00

I know it was in large part my “fault”. I just reached a point where I could not continue living in such a miserable state, returning to a home I did not want to enter after work.

heatbender · 2023-07-19T16:47:15+00:00

Congnitive dissonance was my answer, and what gave me some rest. It's a metal conflict in the majority of women that makes them act or speak against the truth or beliefs. They can even die before they accept they were wrong, because as soon as they realize they are to blame, they go deeper finding an other way to prove they were right, no matter how dumb is the new invented reason. Is like the girl that endures an abusive relationship because she doesn't want to accept that she was wrong picking that guy. And in most of our cases, are the women that will always find reasons to blame us for their cheating or leaving the marriage. Because they are never wrong, and they will never be conscious that their actions won't align with the reality. its narcissistic as well. So, it should be normal for us to expect that no matter how bad she feels now, no matter how tired she is, no matter how confused she is, finantial problems she has, loneliness, fear, etc. She will always find a way to support her beliefs and that she was right.

RideATX · 2023-07-19T15:02:42+00:00

The truth is what it is and in most, but not all cases both have some blame. Yes, she filed and blew our family apart and that is what it is. Get to a mental state where the only place you seek validation is from yourself. I know what happened and whether she admits the truth or not doesn't change that.

wakablahh · 2023-07-19T15:34:36+00:00

Contrary to everyone here, I would like her to admit it. The closest thing she told me was “I know I was a difficult person to lead.”

My divorce finalizes Aug 2nd, but as time has went on, I’ve realized i deserve better and I’m slowly more and more on the side of not caring/not believing her apology if she even will have one.

life-is-short- · 2023-07-19T15:23:55+00:00

In my case it was a 3rd marriage for my ex and all brakes due to infidelity. I even know her AP from last marriage. I forgive her once but it seems every 3 years or so she has a need to find another person. But at the same time she blamed all of us for that and reasons are no enough flowers, attention, respect, restaurants, etc. Basically some people want to leave in endless honeymoon first loving environment as a princess. Where family is a work as well and takes two people to contribute.

Addition: Fist time we separated she was blaming me for everything, then I discovered infidelity and she was apologizing saying it is all her fault. 3 years after she again started to blame me for everything including period of her infidelity and we filed, guess what, it is again infidelity.

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-07-19T16:00:22+00:00

I dont think so but for reasons I don't see commented elsewhere.

2 reasons:

A) she is a cheater. My ability to believe she means anything she says is less than nothing. If she were to say this it would be something kind of emotional manipulation gambit like many she has employed before.

B) Human behavior is complicated. For instance, my wife's texts with her AP have her describing that she just wanted sex. But why did she want sex? Was i not satisfying her, did she want the sex to raise her self-image? Was she lying to her AP to make him feel sexy? It's difficult to tell.

Moreovwr, memories are imperfect and how we perceive and remember things has a massive self-serving bias.

I dont think it's possible to fully understand most divorces much less assign blame perfectly.

Mangrove43 · 2023-07-19T16:38:05+00:00

I take 50% of the credit/blame for the marriage and the divorce. It’s takes 2 to make it work and screw the pooch. My issues are mostly post divorce with the ex not following the agreement , custody and alienation. And at this point I don’t care what she thinks, says or does.

jkw118 · 2023-07-19T14:59:56+00:00

So my ex has said several times to both me and the kids and apologized for the divorce and what she did to me and the kids. FYI this felt hollow, and never made me feel any better.

3-6 months later it's because of her mental issues, another 1 year later it was her anemia. Another 6 months and she's telling the kids it's all my fault.

That being said, it takes two to tango. According to her dad, it's majorly my fault for not slapping her upside her head and essentially beating her till she stayed. (his words) And forcing her to "behave" and submit in a patriarchal marriage. FYI I have never laid a finger on her, and I wouldn't.

Truth is she wasn't happy, as she demanded kids. Then purposely left her career (twice without telling me till I came home that night), all with me arguing that she needed to keep working. But she'd just ignore me, lip service at best, outright ignore at other times. Used the kids as an excuse not to work etc. And they would have been much better off if she had worked.

Noodletrousers · 2023-07-19T15:28:28+00:00

I’d love it. I Definitely don’t expect anything as she’s the most pig-headed individual I’ve ever met, but would still be nice.

I’m glad that yours was able to actually say something to your son. I’m sure that was the best part.

ciscopimp2 · 2023-07-19T16:24:14+00:00

I'm with azwildcat74. I already know it wasn't my fault. That's why I filed!

Theedon · 2023-07-19T19:29:27+00:00

I know I was trying to be a good husband, father, and family supporter. Could I have done better, yes. Should she have filled for the divorce? It's not my choice to make. That is on her. Can I provide for another woman and child? Yes, I can. Will I? Not today.

Bluetoes1 · 2023-07-19T20:18:05+00:00

Apparently, it was my fault that my ex had to go to hotel rooms with men and do things under a bridge. She will never accept responsibility because she doesn’t see that she did anything wrong by having an affair (and possibly multiple affairs).

She thought it was ok and didn’t look bad that she moved her lover into the house 10 days after we separated.

But I am the bad guy that she has contantly said I’m mean and evil because I keep boundaries and she doesn’t like that she can’t run all over me like she did when we were married.

I’ve learned to deal with it, but I will never get validation from her.

david10277 · 2023-07-20T04:53:36+00:00

Validation from anyone..

Pass !!

Validation from a ex ??

Hard pass !!!

If your wanting that you need to do some self work

Women take zero accountability - so it's always going to be your fault. She will see no need to " take them blame" or even some of it ..100% reason is you caused it.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-07-19T15:23:56+00:00

99% of the time, it's not one or the others' fault, both parties played a part. My ex cheated. I did not make her cheat (she takes zero accountability), but there were things i could have done better in the marriage. At the end of the day, it does not matter. Some people take zero blame as it makes them feel better. But guess what? Those same people will likely go through similar issues in the next relationship. Divorce rates go up, not down, for a reason. If i meet a woman who blames 100% on the ex-husband, i am leary. Yes, there are outlier cases, but it's not the norm. IMO.

Electrical_Media_367 · 2023-07-19T17:42:55+00:00

My ex never admitted fault for anything in her entire life. The 13 years we were married, she never once said the words "I'm sorry." She does, however, emotionally manipulate everyone she encounters with fake crying, playing the victim, and lying. So if my ex ever once admitted that she was at fault for the divorce because of her multiple affairs and violence, I would assume she was up to something.

trowaway63022 · 2023-07-19T18:38:52+00:00

There have been signs she is working on herself in therapy. My initial feeling was resentment. It would probably be the same with an apology.

Like gee thanks……. it was actually possible to make behavioral changes, not micromanage our kids, and understand people can’t read your mind and communicate. Maybe you could have done that years ago. Instead it was more important to project an image of having it all together and controlling every little thing.

I’ve gone through in therapy my part of this. There were ways I could have shown up better. Some of those I can see were also reacting to how I was being treated. And bottling up those reactions could have blown up in a bigger way later.

At this point. Whatever

Girl_Dad42 · 2023-07-19T20:37:05+00:00

Could honestly care less.

Drjaydvm · 2023-07-19T21:04:37+00:00

I simply don’t care. I know why we divorced and my ex never accepts responsibility for anything

No-Exit6560 · 2023-07-20T01:57:30+00:00

It would be nice, but it’ll never happen. I was her 3rd and the previous exes were all abusive alcoholics. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I’m sure she’ll tell the next guy the same about me as she attempted to during mediation but I shut that shit down.

Now, I’m just gonna live my best life and be the best dad I can be, and I don’t have to give a flying fuck what she thinks anymore.

WorriedDrumSoloist · 2023-07-19T17:05:59+00:00

I don’t need someone to tell me the truth, I already know.

HorrorAd1946 · 2023-07-19T17:59:23+00:00

So for me, no bs answer, I know it wasn't 100% my fault like many others where told it was as well. After two years of counseling afterward, I realize I had my part, to whatever extent. Is it 5% perhaps? No one will ever really know. I don't want to know, don't care to know, I know what happen, why it failed and can't go back and change any of it on either side, so no, I dont beed validation, I already know and moved on in my life.

cschoonmaker · 2023-07-19T18:47:55+00:00

I'm not so arrogant to think that I did not have any part of our divorce. But I do not think it was beyond saving after 24 years together. She, on the other hand, decided that it was not worth saving, and refused marriage counseling. Just said "nope, we're done". The fact that 10 years post divorce and she has no relationship with our children, or her sister, or her parents....tells me everything I need to know.

JohnnyMnemo · 2023-07-19T18:56:16+00:00

It pretty much was my fault, though.

I never should have married her in the first place, but I legitimately made some poor decisions both in the beginning and then at the end of the relationship that definitively drove her decisions that ultimately led to our dissolution.

northdakotact · 2023-07-19T19:20:44+00:00

I got the closure I needed when my oldest killed spilled the beans with me, despite the fact the kid has now stopped speaking with me. I do realize that her living with my ex is part of the reason for that. She went as far as to say her mother was a piece of shit who ruined her life.

Lastly, in studying parental alienation, I've found that parents that do this are almost always mentally ill, having a personality disorder. I was 99% sure my ex was a narcissist before, now I'm 100% sure. And like most all narcissists, she will fight with every fiber of her being against taking responsibility for anything.

Due-Ad4708 · 2023-07-19T20:12:19+00:00

My wife left me and told me that she knew that the divorce was her fault and that she hadn't been a good wife. Contrary to me that she said I had been the perfect husband and father. That didn't help me at all.

salty-sheep-bah · 2023-07-19T22:37:59+00:00

I'd just assume she's lying.

jgjg9999 · 2023-07-20T02:48:19+00:00

I got that on the day she told me she was leaving for another guy. She told me I was the best husband ever but she lost the butterflies.

Trust me that's almost worse than being painted the villain. Like, I was perfect but fuck me, this other dude is more perfect.

Honestly that was my first real red pill that some women will never be happy no matter what you do for them.

mypiesarepiff · 2023-07-20T03:32:03+00:00

I'm a little torn. On one hand it would be good to hear since she tried to make me out as a horrible person and bad father during the divorce. On the other hand, my life is a lot better now and I don't care to dig up the past.

MadeBale · 2023-07-20T04:48:38+00:00

I got the closest I will ever get from her. After the divorce, she got evicted, and she started actually working really hard with the kids and going to work, trying to find a place to live. Talking with her at that time I said "You know, it would have worked out if you did this earlier". She had a visceral reflex to hearing that and looked down and away. Said nothing.

It was only a short period she was productive. It's a complete trainwreck. She's on her way to being evicted again.

throwaway0677645 · 2023-07-20T10:19:26+00:00

I don’t need validation. It is her fault but she will take no responsibility for her actions. I’m not gonna say i didnt play any role, but I was reacting to her actions which were purposefully harmful.

I know she will never take any responsibility and I’m past it.

I will laugh if it ever happens and probably say some mean things, but I’m over her validation

To_Shrug · 2023-07-19T15:29:10+00:00

I don't know that it makes any difference with regards to blame.

However, that's awesome that she told you that! I would imagine it made you feel good for the moment. Really too bad she didn't realize that "over a decade" before!

My ex was very hateful, cold, mean, snarky, avoidant, vicious, gold digging and conniving during our divorce. I was civil, kind, understanding, practical, caring and selfless.

I don't care if she were to tell me the divorce was all her fault - I already know it was.

occoptionplaya · 2023-07-19T15:21:54+00:00

I think everyone on this sub right?

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2023-07-19T15:28:51+00:00

I think divorced men had a large role in their wives looking for a new man, which is usually the situation.

They thought they were doing everything “Right” from a woman’s perspective: making her the priority, doing chores, treating her like a “Best Friend,” operating under her frame always putting her first.

Then they get “Blindsided” that she is cheating with Kyle, the Senior IT manager in her office.

It doesn’t excuse her shitty behavior, but men have a huge role in this dynamic because they embraced a wrong-headed, modern marriage approach.

Ignore Red Pill reality at your peril.

SuperConfused40 · 2023-07-19T15:52:26+00:00

Who cares. It's over and YOU know the truth.

Fyi- My stbxw's father asked if she was "sick in the head". Lol. People can see it, even if they want to be the victim.

Jsutton3187 · 2023-07-19T15:45:08+00:00

Definitely my fault, just in a loveless and unhappy marriage for 19 yrs in Texas. 3 kids and now it's "I do love you though and your not wanting to get counseling or get on meds to fight for us".... Granted over the years we don't sleep in same beds, go through motions daily, no dates, no chemistry... But now she loves me?

Doubtful. But I'll be the fall down guy - again - "daddy walked out". 🙄🤷

No_Experience3635 · 2023-07-19T17:26:42+00:00

I haven’t gotten a divorce yet and for this reason. I’m not saying it’s all her fault but every time we talk about this subject all the blame gets put on me. As if I am the sole reason for our marital troubles. I would love for her to accept some responsibility. As it is I am wracked with guilt and even though I want out of this marriage I stay because I feel it is somehow my fault. Short answer: yes I would love validation saying it wasn’t all my fault.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-07-20T09:51:45+00:00

I've seen maybe two divorces in over 15 years that have been only one person's fault (99% or more). And according to my ex, ours was one of them with me at fault. I'd be over the moon if she would take 5% responsibility. Unfortunately, she's literally incapable of doing that.

MoodyMusical · 2023-07-19T16:10:30+00:00

I don't need validation from her, i get it from myself. Yes i wasn't the perfect partner, especially towards the end, but i was also in an extremely shitty situation she created through not prioritizing me, our life together, or our marriage. Even at the end i was doing everything i could to try to save it, lots of work on myself, while she decided to do someone else instead. She prioritized drugs, alcohol, and partying over our marriage and that's what ended it.

clarkr10 · 2023-07-19T16:18:14+00:00

I’d be happy to hear her take 1% of the fault.

catter3423 · 2023-07-19T16:36:40+00:00

When we first did couples counselling I was told that I didn’t deserve this and I’m easy to love. She wondered if she was a horrible person.

A few months later I’m almost irrelevant I think. I believe she thinks it’s 99% my fault. I hate that I carry that guilt. I thought we just had regular marriage ups and downs and didn’t know she was so unhappy. I certainly could have been a better husband but believe there was a lot of good between us.

Background-Street416 · 2023-07-19T17:01:18+00:00

I would feel a little better if that happened down the road. Let me be clear, I definitely shoulder some of the blame but I’m not the one who tapped out. That’s important to me personally. Also, many of our interactions since she left over two years ago have been very cold. We have a daughter and we are civil for her, but I have to say that watching her actions during the divorce i don’t honestly know if she is capable of love. So yeah it would be nice if she said sorry for the pain she caused, but would it be genuine? Probably not, so I don’t look for it.

donkiluminate · 2023-07-19T17:17:43+00:00

I guess but in the end it wind undo the years of abuse.

Benzon22s · 2023-07-19T17:21:26+00:00

I wouldn’t say the divorce was all my ex-w fault, but yea it would feel good to know she finally takes responsibility for her part in our divorce

Wacodunk · 2023-07-19T17:29:54+00:00

It would be a huge weight off of my shoulders if she'd just acknowledge the facts I already know

SpacemanLost · 2023-07-19T17:51:30+00:00

Don't need it.

In addition to the cheating she revealed and all the recordings of our phone calls from our separation and divorce, I got a hold of a bunch of her instant messenger logs from years earlier nd a year's worth of her emails when she synced her phone to the kids computer.

I have a pretty good understanding of what parts of the marriage and relationship that I didn't do well enough/failed/whatever, and yes I share a lot of culpability. We shouldn't have gotten married in the first place and we both were dysfunctional but too stubborn to admit we should call it a day.

I was prepared to stay in it for our kids sake, but she had to go and push past the red lines in the sand and blow it all up beyond recognition. The divorce as it happened, when it happened, is entirely the result of actions on her part.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-07-19T18:10:17+00:00

i'd love for my wife to take responsibility for her part in all of this.

Elfhelden · 2023-07-19T18:27:45+00:00

I’ve accepted that I’ve missed signals, and that I’ve not been the best husband / friend I could be. I blame myself for pushing my stbxw to the point of divorce.

That being said, I’m finally in a position to improve myself, and I’m frustrated that, I’m not given the chance to do so.

I do believe, that my stbx will eventually realize that (sometime after the divorce is completed), and regret her decision. I can’t tell her that though, she’s so angry I can’t tell her anything.

ThePhunkyPhantom13 · 2023-07-19T18:32:53+00:00

I knew then and I know now. She new then and might know now. Who knows how people will justify things after the fact and make themselves a victim. In fact I will die happier never knowing and finding out by never making contact again.

Investotron69 · 2023-07-19T19:13:35+00:00

Honestly, it would be delightful. I just need to know for me that in the end it doesn't really matter. I made mistakes too and I just have to do the best I can moving forward for me. The validation would be nice but it won't help me grow to be a better version of myself.

heartless_monk · 2023-07-19T19:14:46+00:00

her opinion would hold no weight if i’ve already moved on

Moeasfuck · 2023-07-19T19:44:55+00:00

I would just like her to apologize for her behavior in the divorce

theduckbilledplatypi · 2023-07-19T19:58:47+00:00

I think all situations are different but in a lot of ways I think it helped once my ex and I stopped playing the blame game. We actually were eventually able to realize that fault wasn’t even the issue, fundamental differences in who we were and what we needed were the main problem. She might still blame me and I’m not going to lie and say that there isn’t some anger and blame that occasionally goes on in my head but once you reach a greater realization that “this just wasn’t my 100% partner for life and that’s okay” it helps to heal a lot of the pain.

jimsmythee · 2023-07-19T20:06:57+00:00

It would be great to get that validation, but in reality? I know I would never get it.

Why? Because even to this day, everything is my fault.

I didn't make enough. I didn't care enough. I didn't... I didn't....

ComputerGuy69 · 2023-07-19T21:05:18+00:00

I could care less about validation. My wife served me last October and I've been with a new woman ever since. I'm really happy with my new girlfriend - we've been living together. I don't miss my wife and I honestly don't care how we ended up here because my energy is much better spent focused on a bright future and being happy.

I was married for 40 years and now at age 61, I for the first time in my life, have experienced going to bed every night with a woman snuggled up against my back and her arm around me holding me as I drift off to sleep. It doesn't get much better than that. Or she will reach over and touch me with her foot during the middle of the night or put her butt up against me. Its these sorts of things that make all the difference otherwise you feel like you're sleeping in an empty bed. We laugh, we play, it's great. When we do disagree - we talk. We talk about everything. My only regret was not getting divorced sooner.

dadplup · 2023-07-19T21:18:01+00:00

Tbh I wouldn't care to much for her to admit to me the parts that were her fault, but I would love it and would help her out of she were to admit said parts to all the people she told I was to blame, that would make a world of difference and although I wouldn't trust her I would help her

dnbndnb · 2023-07-19T21:39:19+00:00

It was honestly both our issues that started us down the road of destruction. I was not emotionally available, and her family model was a shitshow. Unfortunately her answer was to lie and cheat. Had she gone to see a therapist & figured out her own issues first, I’m quite confident we could have easily fixed mine.

That said, once she blew up our marriage with the lying & cheating, even though in the end I held it together for the kids (really no regret in this area), it was basically irreparable. Not because I could not have eventually moved on, but because I never experienced true remorse from her.

Even as we got divorced decades later, she liked to feign that she really didn’t recall all the destructive things she said and did. He way of dealing with it was to tell everyone out split was “mutual”. It was definitely not.

I don’t need her to apologize or “take credit” for her bad behavior towards me. If anything I love her to tell our grown kids she was a shitty liar and cheater and that was the true basis of our eventual destruction.

I have a better chance of getting hit by a meteor.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-07-19T21:45:00+00:00

I was in an unhealthy situation gave it a reasonable amount of time to improve, then sent a number of warnings via my solicitor of consequences if things continued , then executed divorce. In that sense (and psychologically) not sure validation comes into it .. I did what I had to it’s sad but I own it .

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-07-19T22:30:16+00:00

At this point it wouldn’t make a difference.

But if she would have said something years ago like “I really fucked up our marriage by being a dirty little hoe fucking every guy that gave me attention” then maybe I would be 10% happier.

DocHolliday80 · 2023-07-19T22:42:25+00:00

We both did wrong things to each other. I think we rushed to move in together, buy a home, marry,… ignoring all our mutual red flags. We were not compatible and in the end it exploded.

We loved each other so much in the first years, as much as we fought everyday in the last ones. It stings, but I think in the end divorce was the best end possible for our marriage.

Luckily we didn’t hurry having kids. At 43 yo, I have missed my chance to be a father, but it is better this way.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2023-07-20T00:39:08+00:00

Well since she screwed every dude in the county behind my back, I’d say the divorce was 100% my fault.

Dismal_Elevator_110 · 2023-07-20T01:06:59+00:00

I been thru the ringer with my stbex still to this day can't and oroubly never admit to it let that snake be don't rattle it or just might bite you in the ass .

That's my life man I only she would just admit it to justify my mental state it's so fucked up I write random shit that pops in my head lol

WestCoastThing · 2023-07-20T02:28:56+00:00

I'd much rather never hear from them again.

N_I_N · 2023-07-20T02:42:29+00:00

If you think a marriage ending is solely the fault of a single person - you have some work to do on yourself. Sure one person can be a driver, but no way it's just one person's fault.

SnooChipmunks8506 · 2023-07-20T03:16:51+00:00

It wouldn't be validation for me. She would do it in a situation where it is just the two of us (no witnesses) and then deny it if it was ever brought up again.

I think the kist satisfying thing would be for her to stop blaming me for everything bad in her life. Just that alone would be the best thing possible. She did in our marriage. She does it now.

Gattsama · 2023-07-20T05:52:02+00:00

100% honest, I don't care... During the marriage that might have meant something. But at this stage in order for her to take accountability would require her to communicate with me, and I sure as fuck don't want that no matter what she has to say. I accept my role in our relationship, and I can see her role. Her accepting it or admitting doesn't matter. I no longer place any value of her, her opinion and especially her opinion of the marriage.

I filed for divorce but I already know the major points of failure were not my my fault. I don't want, need or care what she thinks anymore. Best part of being divorced is not having to care what she thinks or does anymore.

euphramjsimpson · 2023-07-20T06:00:08+00:00

I would be. She never will.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-07-20T08:35:17+00:00

I know she played her part. And I know I played mine as well. But if she could just be accountable for her lack of things she needed to be doing in our marriage would be great closure to realize that she just finally figured it out and excepted it.

TheTiredNotification · 2023-07-20T08:53:48+00:00

Earlier I would have enjoyed it a lot. I may still get some small satisfaction out of her admitting some fault now but mostly I just don't care what she thinks anymore. I'm happy with someone else and other than the fact that I'm unemployed but owe her 4k/month I've moved on and done with her

Longjumping_Proof_43 · 2023-07-20T10:23:51+00:00

Everyone that has gone through it

Effective_Soil7645 · 2023-07-20T15:58:11+00:00

Honestly, I would rather she didn't.

It changes nothing, and just brings up old pain. The reality is that we got married because both of us had emotional problems, and if either one of us ever chose to really get better the marriage would have ended. I chose to get better. She chose not to.

hillbillyswan · 2023-07-21T01:19:32+00:00

It wouldn't change the fact that my son's life has been negatively altered forever, the fact that I can never trust her again, or the fact that she lied for so long about so many things. It wouldn't change the fact that when someone shows so much hate for you, love isn't possible any more because trust isn't possible. It wouldn't change the fact that she will forever be an awful person for what she did to me and to my son and to our family. Honestly, it would probably just piss me off. It might be satisfying for a moment to rub it in her face and say I told you so. But even that would be fleeting. Because no "I told you so" can make up for being abused by someone who promised to love you. No tearful apology, whether genuine or not, can make up for having zero remorse or regrets about treating someone who you committed to as if they are a worthless piece of trash. Some things, once broken, are broken forever.

She knows. She knows it's her fucking fault. Deep down, she's always known. Yet she doesn't care enough to change her behavior. Didn't care enough to keep herself from dropping a nuclear bomb on her family. Didn't care enough about the people she was supposed to care about. They often don't verbally accept blame because they have a hard time doing that, but deep down, if it's their fault, they know. Honestly if she admitted it I would get pissed off because I would assume this means she was trying to get back with me.

Sorry, honey, but you decided to go ride a cock carousel for a while after promising to be exclusive to me for life until death do we part. So no, you accepting responsibility will not make me forgive you. It won't make me want to have some kind of relationship with you. It won't make me think you're changing. Because cheaters don't change. People rarely become less selfish, especially people who are pathologically so.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2023-07-21T16:08:08+00:00

I don’t care what she thinks.

I know about my share of the marriage problems, but she’s the one that ultimately blew it up to the point where I filed.

Most things are better than they have been. Occasionally, it gets lonely, but life is mostly peaceful and that has a lot of value for me.

aquatone61 · 2023-07-24T01:53:17+00:00

I would love to get that validation but I don’t think I ever will from an extremely selectively lazy narcissist.

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