It’s not possible to use a woman for sex

prettywords_ · 2026-04-28T13:38:22+00:00

I think people say that when the guy lies in order to have sex. Not in normal instances of casual sex.

ExcuseMeNobody · 2026-04-28T14:01:42+00:00

So people can never feel used by their friends? If your friend only calls you to borrow money and you lend it to them and later you feel like you've never been valued by the said friend beyond an interest-free lender, then that's not being used?

wtknight · 2026-04-28T13:42:20+00:00

It’s possible to deceive about one’s eventual intentions, though, which is what I consider “using” someone. A woman who promises eventual sex and a relationship with a man but is just using him for free meals and gifts is similarly a user.

leosandlattes · 2026-04-28T14:11:39+00:00

Of course you can use someone for sex by lying to them. If someone tells you they only have sex in committed relationships, and you pretend to want to be in one in order to sleep with her, you used her.

By your logic, women who continuously see men for meals and dates without actually wanting to be in a relationship with him did not use him? Is that correct? He chose to be on those dates, therefore men cannot get used that way?

ImaginaryDimension74 · 2026-04-28T13:51:29+00:00

To use someone is to manipulate them onto to doing something that is in your interest but not consistent with their goals or desires, often by misrepresentation.

If there’s a woman who only wants to have a sexual relationship with someone that’s leading to marriage and you falsely tell her you want to marry her as a way to have a sexual relationship with her for a while, then you are using her.

Your argument is like saying one isn’t using me if they fail to pay me as promise for a job I did for them on the grounds I like my work.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-04-28T13:40:19+00:00

What if a man promised relationship?
What if a man pretended that he liked her when he didn't?
What if a man didn't do anything for her in sex and he is the only one who got the pleasure?

KayRay1994 · 2026-04-28T13:46:18+00:00

Because it isn’t just about sleeping with someone? To use someone means to mislead them or manipulate them to where without such manipulation or coercion m, they would not have given their consent in their first place

Also if someone has fully consented, and is afterwords actively dismissed, then they’ve kinda been used excuse they’re fully reduced to an outlet for pleasure. Like even when you’re hooking up with someone, be respectful about it lol

EmpressJJ · 2026-04-28T15:06:14+00:00

Of course women can be used for sex. That's why I haven't had sex with a guy for 5 years. And if they keep up this attitude, I don't know if I ever will, considering the next time someone would abuse or use me, it is "all on me" and "all my fault". Seriously can't incels see that they are digging their own graves? If you're so obsessed with women, then start respecting them. What you're spouting right now means that even the few people who would talk to you, will not want you.

love_in_october · 2026-04-28T15:47:53+00:00

Anyone can be used for everything pretty much. Men can be used for sex too, but it is less common.

Yes, much of the time women do enjoy sex, but sometimes they don't and sometimes they are lied to and/or manipulated so they have it.

I enjoy baking cakes and eating cakes but if someone pretended to want to be my friend for me to make and share a cake with them before they vanished, I would feel pretty used.

AsleepIllustrator571 · 2026-04-28T15:09:11+00:00

Nine times out of ten the woman ain't even getting her rocks off so what? Also in any discussion where somebody claims to have been used for sex then you best believe the person using them didn't clarify at all.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-04-28T13:49:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutisticRats · 2026-04-28T16:19:12+00:00

There are plenty of guys that coerce women into sex and the women are worried if they don't have sex than the guy will leave them. Women should just leave guys like that, but many don't, especially when they are younger and lack wisdom to understand that guys like this are bad news for them.

Also not all sex is equal. Some sex only feels good for the guy and not so much for the girl. Sometimes it works the other way and the woman enjoys it but puts no effort to help the guy enjoy sex.

I do agree that in an ideal world it isn't possible to use a woman for sex. That is because people should not have sex with anyone if they would regret having had it if the person leaves them the next morning. A lot of men would probably be unhappy with that, but I think that is the wise decision. It is similar to the advice to never loan something if you aren't prepared to never get it back. Unfortunately it is common for people to have sex due to a desire for long term commitment, and that is bad.

toad-wrangler · 2026-04-28T15:03:39+00:00

Is this just for hook ups? If a women says

"I like you, but I only have sex with people once I'm in a committed relationship."

and the guy says

"Cool I want to be in an exclusive committed relationship with you."

And they have sex and he ghosts or breaks up with her immediatly after, is that not a major betrayal of trust just to have sex, aka lie to get someone to have sex with you just to have sex, on the man's part? He used her trust to get sex, no?

anna_alabama · 2026-04-28T16:39:40+00:00

If a guy lies in order to sleep with a woman, knowing that she wouldn’t sleep with him if he weren’t lying, then he is absolutely using her for sex. The scenario in your post is not what people are talking about, they’re talking about actual deceit during the vetting process.

ThatBitchA · 2026-04-28T14:54:13+00:00

If you lie to obtain sex, you are in fact using someone for sex.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2026-04-28T15:12:55+00:00

That’s not what people mean when they say someone was used for sex.

Br0ther_Blood · 2026-04-28T13:52:40+00:00

When a woman claims a guy "used her for sex" it's implied that he lied/deceived her emotionally into thinking he was looking for something serious.

Also, this argument completely falls apart when you try to apply it to prostitution.

AdjectiveMcNoun · 2026-04-28T17:37:57+00:00

So using this logic, would you also say then that it's imposible to use a man for money?

It’s widely accepted that both men and women enjoy money. If the relationship or interaction was consensual and both parties agreed than anything beyond isn't a guarantee.

Just bc a woman receives money from a man, it doesn't mean she owes him anything beyond that.

Relationships are a privilege not a right or entitlement

No_Project_4738 · 2026-04-28T18:11:45+00:00

It’s very possible to view a woman as a means to your own end, which is the definition of using them. The question is whether using them causes harm. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. That depends on how you approach the situation. But saying men don’t use women for sex is just disingenuous.

ConstantSample5846 · 2026-04-28T19:39:37+00:00

Well first of, women most certainly don’t do anything close to “getting their rocks off”

Bleachtheeyes · 2026-04-28T23:43:31+00:00

True if the stipulation when the interaction occurs is that everyone is here for casual sex. Not true if either party is signalling a potential relationship and explicitly lying about their intention.

dribblestrings · 2026-04-28T13:48:13+00:00

Did she get her rocks off though? I’m pretty sure women would not feel “used” if they got their rocks off every time like men did. lmao

Ronniebbb · 2026-04-28T14:14:21+00:00

I mean you can use ppl for sex. If you lie to them and manipulate them into sex you are using them. If you pay for sex work in any way. And then there's the darker route of human trafficking and slavery, which still happens to this day around the globe

DenverKim · 2026-04-28T14:29:40+00:00

If a woman told you that she wanted a relationship with you, acted super affectionate and kind and told you she would be loyal to you and be with no other man… she basically pretended to be your girlfriend. And then you bought her some nice gifts, spent a ton of money taking her out on fancy dates and maybe even helped her cover some bills she was behind on… And then as soon as she got the money she wanted out of you, she just dipped out and never spoke to you again… How would you feel? Would you feel pretty used?

This is what men do a lot of the time, but instead of money, it’s sex that they want.

When anyone lies to someone else and misleads them to get something out of them, that is called using them… It’s called taking advantage of them.

If a woman is having sex with you because she thinks that you actually love her and want to be with her, but the whole time, you don’t really care about her at all and you are just telling her what she wants to hear so that she will sleep with you… That is immoral and you are using her.

That said, a lot of women make the mistake of claiming that a man was just using her for sex all along when that really wasn’t the reality of the situation… It just took him a few months to find out that she is not the woman for him. That’s part of dating of course. You date for a while and then you decide that it’s not a good fit.

But those are two completely different things. One of them involves going into it with the intention to form a relationship, but changing your mind because you discover that you aren’t compatible… The other is going into it dishonestly, with no intention of having a relationship with this woman, but just telling her what she wants to hear in order to get her to have sex with you.

It is possible (and common) to use a woman for sex. The same way it is possible to use a man for money. But that doesn’t mean that every time someone ends things with you that they were using you.

TopPaint6720 · 2026-04-28T14:32:18+00:00

It’s possible to use both women and men for sex.

Lying, leading someone on, or manipulating them just to sleep with them isn’t dating, it’s just using them. It shows a lack of respect and honesty.

Believe it or not, people still lie about their intentions, their feelings, and how they perceive you just because they’re horny.

Overarching_Chaos · 2026-04-28T15:12:48+00:00

Of course you can use a woman for sex, what do you mean? That's like saying you can't use a man for money, since both men and women enjoy going out on dates and interacting. The problem is some women falsely claim they were used for sex when it was pretty obvious he wasn't into anything serious.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-04-28T13:50:24+00:00

Most women aren’t interested in casual sex because casual sex is more risky especially with all the new laws being pushed to control women’s bodies and it’s less enjoyable/pleasurable for women so in most cases men have to out right lie or promise the woman something to get sex and then he doesn’t fulfill his side of the agreement. Most women aren’t just giving out free pussy to make men happy at her expense and why should any woman even bother to do that? Heck even 304’s who enjoy sex make men pay for it so men need to stop expecting it for free.

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-04-28T15:39:37+00:00

Sure, both men and women enjoy sex. Problem is, alot of men are bad at it. Ever heard of the orgasm gap?

one_little_victory_ · 2026-04-28T17:22:06+00:00

You know, just writing "I hate women" is far fewer keystrokes.

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YveisGrey · 2026-04-28T16:44:38+00:00

Well just because you are open about it doesn’t mean you weren’t using them for sex it just means you were open about using them for sex. And the reason women are more bothered by it is because sex is inherently riskier for them which you already know, which is something everybody who knows how the birds and bees works know but for some reason in this sub seemingly forget whenever it’s convenient.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-04-28T18:04:51+00:00

Men say it is, so you have to accept that it is

Mindful_Insights · 2026-04-28T19:11:27+00:00

Anyone who has sex outside of a committed monogamous relationship is ‘using’ the other person’s body for sex. We should all acknowledge this and act accordingly. This is high school stuff. 😏

GlitterDollMUA · 2026-04-28T20:14:02+00:00

do you think it's also outdated to say "she was just using him for his money?"

MonochromaticPrism · 2026-04-28T23:13:00+00:00

OP, you overstated your position. The core of your point, that the continued prevalence of the claim of men “using women for sex” is unreasonable given observable reality and how our society is structure, is a fair one. However, you would be better served making the argument that women should refrain from using that phrase outside of "examples of manipulation where open and explicit promises were made", as women are the ones holding the majority of the power in the dating market and thus the majority of responsibility for what happens within that market.

Jake0024 · 2026-04-29T05:53:37+00:00

The fact that anyone can enjoy sex doesn't mean they always enjoy sex.

Obviously if you lie to someone to get them to do something for you, you're using them.

This is true whether you're "borrowing" money you don't intend to return or trying to have sex with them.

Your example where both people agree to casual sex doesn't involve anyone being used.

That doesn't mean there aren't other examples where people are.

This is really, really simple.

rejected-again · 2026-04-29T11:31:04+00:00

Women don't like sex. They just see it as a means to an end to get a man.

No-Calligrapher-3630 · 2026-04-29T14:07:43+00:00

I think it is possible to use someone just for sex. And don't get me wrong some people like being used.

But what I would think of it as is either being dishonest about situationship. For example if you're pretending like this is something you see in the future, being really romantic and playing the role of boyfriend or girlfriend. Talking about future dates and showing a super sensitive considerate side of you. And then Wham, as soon as you have sex you don't bother to even talk to them again. That's a bit... You know. You didn't just come in saying meh, maybe we'll go somewhere maybe it won't if we have sex then I can't promise you anything. You led them on knowing it would give a false sense of security.

And then the second way that you can use somebody.... Is just treating them like a piece of meat. And I know guys and girls who do this. Where they don't even think about the other person's feelings. Like come on just because you want them for mostly sex doesn't mean you get to treat them like they are nothing. You can still not consider them a boyfriend or girlfriend but acknowled they're a person, and care about the fact of how they're going to get home.

DriverInitial8305 · 2026-04-28T16:38:35+00:00

If both sides have consented and there isn’t an illegal coercion going on then you cannot be used for sex. Just bc you dreamed about being in a loving marriage with this guy doesn’t mean he owes you a relationship. This is pretty straight forward

MrTTripz · 2026-04-28T14:24:03+00:00

When I’ve led women on, I could have been more up front and said “just so we’re clear, I’m not looking for a relationship and in fact I’m going to be leaving the country soon. So we can both have some fun, but it’s not going to go anywhere”

Or

“I find you physically very attractive, but you are very working class and I’d be ashamed to introduce you to my friends or family”

In such cases, I would not have got my dick wet had I been honest.

I don’t think it makes me quite a monster, but it was deception.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2026-04-28T13:54:35+00:00

It's possible to use a person for anything.

Title	It’s not possible to use a woman for sex
Author	DriverInitial8305
Upvotes	83
Comments	494
Date	April 28, 2026 1:36 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1sy1oi4/its_not_possible_to_use_a_woman_for_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/its-not-possible-to-use-a-woman-for-sex.1579100 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579100

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