What Aspects of Men's dating life do you have find yourself getting jealous of?

Chemical-Low209 · 2026-07-08T16:38:35+00:00

If.... There's anything to be jealous about? I know we hear alot of mens perspective on how it can be very disheartening to hear womens advantages in...

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Because, from my observations, the standards of what makes a good wife/mother are often higher than what makes a good husband/father.

In the grand scheme of things, I think more is expected of wives and mothers, both in marriage and if they are co-parenting and divorced. See: the thread below this one about how women see single dads, in where the OP considers himself a single dad because he has biweekly weekend visitation, but when suggested that he would pair better with single mothers, he goes on to say that single mothers have primary/sole custody (are actual parents) so that is not the same as him.

In general, I would say that women who choose to have kids with a man must understand they are signing up to be the primary parent and household manager and the "soft place" (even when both parents are working full time), and it would be foolhardy for a woman to have children and not acknowledge this reality.

That being said, for me personally I think children are worth the "unfairness" of the deal because of how much I desire them. But I also think that's part of why less and less women are opting to have children. The unfairness of the way family responsibility is set up is not worth it if you don't really want children that much.

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Again, why do men struggle to merely acknowledge that women are the only ones that have to suffer the consequences of having a child? This isn’t some ‘brainwashing’ that you think it is. It’s a biological fact. I have 2 daughters, and my body isn’t the same as it was. I have some permanent damage that negatively affects my life and will for the rest of it. I’m very grateful and lucky to have a husband that understand this and does whatever he can to make things easier for me (because he’s actually a decent man). It’s not imaginary like you seem to think it is.

And genuine question—if you truly believe what you’re saying, are you genuinely MORE attracted to women’s bodies AFTER they have had children? Because if you’re not, then you’re essentially punishing your partner by finding her less attractive after her body did the work and took the damage to give you a child

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why do men struggle to merely acknowledge that women are the only ones that have to suffer the consequences of having a child

Because we get things in the mail that say "child support due," and it changes based on our income, so it's not strictly a biological offset

Why does your man owe you a damn thing for you getting preg? Unregulated surrogate mothers top out at 80k worldwide; if you consent to having a child 50%, I figure your contribution to each child is 40k for getting preg.

I am ok with a social expectation on men to bring 40k to the table *as a contribution to the child,* like perhaps a custodial bank account *the child* gets when they turn 18. Just like the woman getting preg is her contribution to *the child,*

The *child* is entitled to equal contributions from the parents if the parents want equal access to them in a divorce; I don't see how the man or the women owe each other a damn thing for biology being biology

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As a guy that is married with kids to an incredible woman, this comment did what it always does: make me a little uncomfortable because there's a lot of truth here.

That being said, I'm going to do my best to provide perspective that you may or may not have considered on the basis of engaging in relevant interent dialogue. Here goes.

My wife is a more effective person than I am. It's just that simple. Now, I'm not the man child that lays around and makes his wife treat him like his mother. I do a pretty good job. I keep the house clean and straightened, I change diapers, I parent our kids and I provide her with emotional support. That being said, I'm pretty sure she does more.

Sometimes it's just like that. When one person in the pairbond is the more effective person they have a choice: Split things down the middle on account of principle or take on more knowing that you're the right person for certain jobs. My wife folds the laundry. All of it. I do a shit job and it bugs her so the more she folds the laundry the less I get better at it. It's a silly example because it's not a big household matter and we regularly laugh and pick on each other about it.

In a certain scenario where life has really crept up on her, say work has been crazy, the kids have been shitty, we've just been busy, sometimes a basket of my clothes come across her desk and she has to make a decision. I could certainly fold those clothes, but she likes doing that for me. She likes that shes dependable for that form of support. Folding clothes is a tiny deal but now take that example and apply it to something bigger. There is bound to be friction.

Now, I make more money than her and my job is more stressful. In our house, that is the great equalizer, but it's not hard to imagine the scenario reversed. What if SHE had the more stressful job but also was picky about home cooked meals and insisted she be the cook? It works fine most of the time as long as everything is communicated but there is bound to be a day where it ends up being too much.

So while I agree with you that men typically have it easier than women in marriage because of some gender norms that are long overdue for a recalibrating, the other side of the story is that heavy is the head that wears the crown. If you're better at the job, sometimes you want to do the job so that the job gets done right.

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I am like your wife — between my fiancé and me, I do all the cooking and a majority of the cleaning because I do it better and faster. To me this just makes sense. There is no point in making us both suffer through 3 hours of waiting to have dinner (lol), when I can get it done in half the time or even less. I mean that's just the reality of living with someone, right, you pick and assign responsibilities based on what you're good at.

We are both high earners, though he makes more than I do, but I do think him having me in his life affords him the ability and capacity to be as ambitious as he is in his career. Of course, I am happy to do these things for him, and it would be a much different story if I felt anguish at this setup. But I sometimes wonder if he realizes that the responsibilities at home are largely managed by me to the point that he does not even need to ask if something is done, or if it even needs to be done.

He is a wonderful partner — obviously, I would not be marrying him if he were not — and I chose him because he makes me happy, we have fun, we work well together, and I deeply admire him. He's funny, witty, generous, one of the smartest people I know, incredibly responsible with big picture plans and future orientation like retirement, financial planning, both of us meeting our academic and professional goals, and family planning. These are things that I'm admittedly not good at, and also were weighted very highly when I looked for a life partner. But I do think the bulk of daily life — the labor and minutiae — is handled by me.

Some of this is on me as well because I've internalized that being a wife to a man is "just like this" since that was what I saw throughout every cultural environment while growing up. To me it's just like, whatever, that's life.

However, this all being said, I also don't personally feel some deep, intense need for "equality," like, I don't think this really exists in any relationship so that's not what I look for and it's not what I am there for, you know? Counting beans and tit-for-tat is never how I've wanted to conduct a relationship. I wanted a man, I want kids, I want be happy in this life, and the uneven split of family responsibility doesn't ruin it for me.

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I work from home, he goes into the office.

He keeps the house tidy and he’s not messy, but because I am the one at home, it just makes sense for me to do things like laundry and cooking food and cleaning the lizard habitat and whatever else. I also don’t think it’s fair if he comes home from work and the commute home, and I demand the he makes dinner out of some weird conviction to keep things strictly 50/50 even though he needs the time to decompress and I do not. That’s not how I prefer to behave in a relationship.

I don’t think we’re doing an equal amount of household work (I do most of it), but I also understand this is equitable based on our circumstances. Like I said above, I am happy to do this for him because I would rather see us both relaxed and happy, as opposed to causing unnecessary friction over cooking or cleaning. I mean that is just silly to me. He could be irritable from not having time to decompress after a long commute home which will make us both unhappy, or I can have dinner ready, we eat, we fuck, we play a game together or watch a movie, and go to bed happy.

One of these situations is much more preferable over the other.

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I respect you and your point I just don’t see this often at all. I’m a single father and at one point before we split I paid all the bills and cooked and cleaned. Most of thr fathers I know come home and do plenty of house work and work with the kids. Maybe it’s cultural, I see a lot of white men who don’t do shit and a lot of white women who work mind you still have lazy husbands! But most of the time it just doesn’t make sense or even sound realistic. How are you on kid number 3 and jist realizing your man can’t cook or clean shit lol?! Life is hard as it is but when I see Thai reasoning from women online it makes me think that they haven’t seen any real relationships in the real world. How many married men do you think can get away with not cleaning or doing a damn thing for the kids? And 50/50 is silly because sometimes one of you will just have to do more for a certain thing. It’s called adulthood. With no kids or husband you would still have to cook and clean. The idea is that you both no have help.

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This phenomenon works both ways across the sexes and is most easily explained by a match between market values that is ultimately a mismatch on actual value. Happens all the time.

Guy finds a gal who is about as beautiful as he could possibly ask for so he signs up. To make that value imbalance work, he's going to need to work twice as hard. If she wanted to pull her own weight she'd be with a higher value guy.

On the otherside, a bright, conscientious, nurturing young woman finds a smart, charismatic, teddy bear of a guy that she just falls in love with his charm and loves the idea of having that fun personality around 24/7. He turns out to be soft in every way across the board. The more she mothers him, the more he sinks into being a child.

Classic mismatches that no one sees coming. As much as I'm not an all out fan of it, the red pill does kinda solve for this phenomenon and leads to stronger matches in a few important ways (when followed in a healthy way, i'm not talking Andrew Tate bullshit here).

Ultimately every long term pairbond is a settlement by both parties and both parties should settle for the correct value proposition.

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Whoever has the higher standards of a clean home tends to do more cleaning. I don't value clean floors and surfaces as much as others, so I tend to never clean the floors or surfaces other than spot cleaning which I highly value. If I touch sticky spot on the floor or counter, I'll drop everything to take care of it, but I never do the entire floor until I notice how bad it is, which is far after someone else does. I find a roomba to be plenty sufficient to keep a floor clean most of the time.

I do value a clean sink, so I tend to take care of dishes more often. I value things being in their place, so I tend to put stuff away where it goes. I tend to throw out things in the fridge, since I don't like a cramped fridge. I also spot clean the fridge since I don't like sticky spots. I pay a gardener for yardwork since I never desire to do yardwork due to how allergic I am to pollen. In my past relationship we each did our own laundry which seemed plenty reasonable.

It is just a case of who wants it more, and usually the women want a clean home more, so they put more effort.

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You listed a lot of the downsides women face, and many of them are real. The issue is that men have their own set of risks that don't simply disappear because women have different ones.

You also say dating is safer for men, but that depends on what you're measuring. Men generally don't have to worry as much about sexual assault, but they can absolutely have to worry about violent or unstable exes. There are men who have been attacked or threatened by a current partner's ex despite having nothing to do with the previous relationship. Crazy people exist on both sides.

As for sex, I agree men often enjoy it more on average. The difference is that women generally have much easier access to it. For most men, sex is something they have to earn through approaching, risking rejection, building attraction, and continually proving themselves. So while men may derive more enjoyment from sex, it's balanced by the fact that obtaining it is significantly more difficult for the average man.

That's really the broader point. Both sexes have advantages and disadvantages. You can't just list women's burdens without also recognizing the burdens that disproportionately fall on men.

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meanwhile we can literally do nothing about our stalkers as long as they stick to their script, look at the officer like this 🥺🥺 and swear faithfully they weren't doing anything but just taking a walk around the block when you suddenly appeared and started harrassing or ohysically attacking her.
Unless you have video evidence barely anyone ever would doubt that this is what happened and that she stabbed you in self defense.

and IF we do something about it we'll likely end up on the receiving end of the law.. and in prison.

Your stalkers may overpower you but our stalkers have literally the sympathy of society and an unbelievably absurd benefit of the doubt on their side.

I don't want to be in your position but you better fckin believe that you wouldn't want to be in our position either.

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has it ever crossed your mind that they're just reporting it less often and also believed less often

Most of the stats we have on this are self-reported, so there's no question of them being believed.

It's crossed my mind, although there is no way to prove it. In fact, there are many problems with self-reporting this, not the least of which are that it directly affects memory and that it is usually combined with binge drinking, which affects perception and memory.

However, one could argue that the gender-specific reporting biases contradict: men are less likely to believe themselves to be roofie targets than women; however, women are more likely to believe they have simply had too much to drink, since their tolerances are lower.

We don't have a clear answer for any of this, so I'm just operating on the info availible.

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That's true. I'm extremely late to the train but I would not trade my sexuality for men's. Getting fast food on demand is very nice but if it means you can never have full Michelin star meal it gets old fast.

Sure men have higher libido for most of the month (and I'm sure better orgasms on those days) but for about 3 days each month there's nothing that can compare to how good even single self love session feels to a woman. And then I get relative peace for rest of the month. I don't think pleasure is distributed unfairly - although some of womens sex partners make it worse but we can always do it solo and bypass that problem. I think most of women's is just concentrated on narrower time window on average, but overall we still get ours and the amount is at least comparable. Plus, if we really want to we can still usually have decent fun on off days.

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"Literally the objectified" - i don't see it to that extend. Men are not compared to the objects, women care more about experience with a man than owning one, and in general they are treated as people. At least i as i see it.

"fight to be taken seriously" - in dating? Please. Men are so used to ignore women, or think that they are not "logical", "just mimic true thought process", "not smart enough" etc, and lets not forget competition for the title of the "man in the house" that they fight woman on something that she says, think that they should lead and she obey, and generally dismiss women's opinion.

"and ESPECIALLY pain taken seriously," - i don't know men who were told that they hysterical because their head hurts, or who were fucked through pain when they told that it hurt. Yet i've personally experienced it, and almost all women i know did too.

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1) Not getting treated like some mythical creature they've managed to trap and now must do everything in their power to keep.

2) Word of mouth is more beneficial for men. If I hear someone else had a lovely date with a guy, but they didn't click, he'll be on my radar. I very rarely hear about guys hyping up women unless they were an easy lay.

3) Orgasms! Men's orgasms tend to happen more often than women's during sex. It's also much less likely that sex will be painful for them. (I'm not jealous that men have to get and stay hard. I feel like that'd give me so much performance anxiety.)

4) Aging and attractiveness. The idea that men's attractiveness can grow or stay the same as they become older. Frankly, I've heard the way people speak about older women in the dating market. It's...rarely kind...or respectful.

[–]PrecisionHatPurple Pill Man 3 points4 points5 points 1 week ago (2 children) | Copy Link

The guys who treat women like to hat baffle me because it's probably the best way to actually lose her lol
Guys just don't talk about women in that way, typically. Like, it's rare for us to even discuss a good date at length.
Yeah I feel bad for some women who can't O as easily. Guys do deal with the stigma that we should always be raring to go or else there's something wrong with us, though.
I mean, the hard truth is that physical looks are far more important for women in the dating market. It helps men too, of course, but the aging thing isn't because we actually get better looking physically as we age; it's just that our looks never were as important because money, status, and charisma all contribute to our level of attractiveness as well. Those things may stay the same for an aging guy, but his wealth and status can and usually do grow significantly, which makes us still attactive to a lot of women.

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I think it's just an age thing. I'm younger, I date equally young people. If he's inexperienced it's easy to mix up "put your best foot forward" with "run at her as fast as possible so she can't escape". If I get the feeling that's the case, I usually suggest a more chill vibe or an activity that keeps his hands busy.
I genuinely think guys could benefit from a little more gossip. I've never been a proponent of sharing details, but I'll always recommend someone if I think they'd be a good fit with my friend. (Also because I found out my guy friends were putting up with abysmal treatment. Like. So bad.)
Yeah the girl who can't be too excited to have sex or she's a whore Vs. the guy who can never say no to sex because then he's either clearly not a real man, or he's gay
Yes, that's what I'm jealous of. I feel like I have more control over my charisma and finances compared to my looks. An expensive man is attractive. An expensive woman is "high maintenance".

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> That they are supposed to pursue while women are supposed to wait for a guy to approach her
Not only there's still a stigma around women pursuing men

It’s not 1956. There is no stigma around women approaching men. Yall just don’t do it because you’re lazy and a lot of your egos could not handle being rejected by men

> I'd much rather be told no than a fake yes

Only someone who’s never actually been told no on a consistent level would say something like this

> women are expected to put on make up, perfume, a nice outfit, hair done, etc. The preparation for a date for a man is easier.

I love how despite men screaming from the rooftops that we don’t care about this and other women themselves saying that they don’t dress up for men, women such as yourself will still bring this up. Also love how it applies that you do this for dates when you would likely be doing this regardless of if you had a date or not.

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I think you seem have a romanticized version of what dating is like for men

That they are supposed to pursue while women are supposed to wait for a guy to approach her

Like this one, a woman approaching is only a problem for you now if you want a man that is turned off by a woman taking initiative. Plus women absolutely say yes to dates with guys they're not really interested in. She gets pretty much a guaranteed free night out and can test the waters to see if she'd end up liking him and if not shes not spending any money or time and energy on the date or planning it.

sex. Bad sex for women is painful. Bad sex for men is like bad pizza. I'd probably be a whore if there's no chance of me being in pain.

For this one I've had sex that hurts, women really dont understand the male body as much as they think they do. Especially when I was a younger adult it wasnt uncommon for women to grab my dry dick extremely tight and jerk it really hard. And the hand job that feels like an Indian burn as shes trying to rip my dick off definitely hurts. So does the toothy blow job where her teeth are scraping my dick like spongebob on a chocolate bar. This point is honestly something people say that shows they dont understand sex as a man.

Vulnerability to a potential abuser or a creepy guy

This one is accurate though guys do have to deal with less dangerous situations in the dating phase. But for the fellas remember to keep yourself safe still. There are predatory and abusive women that will severly hurt you if you aren't careful.

women are expected to put on make up, perfume, a nice outfit, hair done, etc. The preparation for a date for a man is easier.

Men are still expected to do a lot too but you're right in that its longer term things that set you up for the date rather than part of the process of getting ready

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The relative lack of danger

Men are more likely to be the victims of violence than women.

The reduced married and family life expectations

According to what? The latest statistics show remarkably egalitarian division of labor with men working more total average hours in the majority of scenarios.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/

1) Husband is the primary breadwinner (31%):

The man, on average, works 52.5 hours per week The woman, on average, works 50.1 hours per week

2) Spouse earns approximately the same amount of money (28%):

The man works 51.2 hours per week on average The woman works 52.6 hours per week on average

3) Husband is the sole breadwinner (23%):

The man works 49.8 hours per week The woman works 24.6 hours per week

4) Wife is the primary breadwinner (10%):

The man works 48.2 hours per week The woman works 53.2 hours per week

5) Wife is the sole breadwinner (6%):

The man works 10.1 hours per week The woman works 49.5 hours per week

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You can’t genuinely believe this. Males are on average MUCH stronger than their female partners. The bell curves of male vs female upper body strength barely even overlap (the relevant metric for the ability to overpower/ inflict damage). The weakest men & the very strongest women are roughly at parity. Maybe you’re on the far left tale of the male curve personally, but there is absolutely a massive disparity in potential danger (ie ability to inflict catastrophic damage via violence) in male on female violence vs female on male violence.

Personally, (although he’s the most tender, gentle, loving person I’ve ever met & I know he would absolutely never hurt me)… if my boyfriend hit me as hard as he possibly could, he could easily kill me. If I hit him as hard as i possibly could? It would just… piss him off. That’s it. I couldn’t knock him out, I couldn’t shatter his jaw/ orbital sockets/ cheekbones. Best i could do is… maybe break his nose with a sucker punch? Which again, would just serve to irritate him.

He has the physical ability to cause me catastrophic physical damage with nothing but his hands. He can generate enough force to shatter my bones. If he grabbed me & choked me, there is mot a single thing i could do to stop it. Even if i had a knife he could easily take it from me before i could get close enough to use it.

Imagine if the people you dated were a foot taller, double your weight lean, and orders of magnitude stronger.

To put it another way, to get an equivalent “match up” in my favor, I would have to fight… like a 6 year old boy.

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Uh huh. I don't think you think that's a good faith response, sir. Men experience violence from other men is their problem in the overwhelming majority of cases. If your point is everyone should fear men, you'll get no debate from me. But I don't think you thought that was what I meant.

Oh yawn, another stat bro. Let me put it to you like this, stat vulture: no one has ever thought any man I dated should be prompting me to buy my mother a birthday present. Or expected him to host a blessed thing. Or remember anyone's anniversary. Or run the social calendar. You know what a lot of the marriage advice I received was: to do the dishes and perform sexually...from both our families. You know what advice he got from a significant number of both our families: to expect me to do the dishes unless I was very sick. Great advice, right. Fuck your stats, I was talking about expectations. And I live and see every day. I think total hours is a terrible way to determine who is doing more. After all, if I get 100 things done in 24 hours and my husband just barely squeaks out the laundry, apparently we did the same?

LMAO. stats on who is the bread winner and earns more when I made no mention of work or bread winning....cool. Men who have to support themselves anyway support themselves anyway. Did you want a trophy for doing what you'd have to do if you had no partner? Probably, huh.

[–]ziggyt1Boo pill Man -1 points0 points1 point 1 week ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

Men experience violence from other men is their problem in the overwhelming majority of cases.

That sounds a lot like victim blaming. I've had a knife pulled on me, have been sucker punched, almost had my eye gouged out, and have been generally aggressed upon multiple other times through no actions of my own.

The reality is that a very small contingent of males are responsible for the vast majority of violent crime.

Oh yawn, another stat bro. Let me put it to you like this, stat vulture: no one has ever thought any man I dated should be prompting me to buy my mother a birthday present. Or expected him to host a blessed thing. Or remember anyone's anniversary. Or run the social calendar. You know what a lot of the marriage advice I received was: to do the dishes and perform sexually...from both our families. You know what advice he got from a significant number of both our families: to expect me to do the dishes unless I was very sick. Great advice, right. Fuck your stats, I was talking about expectations. And I live and see every day. I think total hours is a terrible way to determine who is doing more.

ngl I'm finding the over-the-top hostility toward evidence to be pretty humorous. How can you tell if your anecdotes are representative? I can spew out a bunch of male gender responsibilities that go unacknowledged, too, but that's not a basis for analysis. Emotional suppression/stoicism, providership and performance/competence, physical strength and protection, sexual initiation and maintenance, etc.

After all, if I get 100 things done in 24 hours and my husband just barely squeaks out the laundry, apparently we did the same?

Sounds like a problem with your husband.

[–]PuzzleheadedRow9896Purple Pill Woman 1 point2 points3 points 1 week ago (4 children) | Copy Link

So you're agreeing that you were assaulted by men and did not deserve it and are a man...cool, we agree.
***

Because every single woman I know regardless of culture or socioeconomic status or political affiliation has stories like mine and none of the men do.

So a person within a relationship has expectations of what you should be doing...great. I'm talking about people outside of my relationship thinking I should be my husband's personal assistant, cook, maid, and office manager.

But even if we just looked at inside the relationship, women literally have a 1 to 1 of everything you mentioned and again, a lot more. Half of what you mention is passively existing or never comes up/ rarely comes up and yields benefits to a man. I don't get any benefit from being his cook or maid.

***

I was making a point, I have no problems with my husband, he does everything competently. I'm suggesting hours worked is a stupid metric designed to protect people who suck.

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The ability to actually know if a woman is interested. Women tend to not lie as much about what they are looking for in a relationship. Yes, there are gold diggers. But just don't spend money or a lot of money in the beginning and they are super easy to avoid

Men will sleep with women they don't like and aren't attracted to just because they want sex.

So, a man approaching me and even having sex with me is not proof he finds me attractive or likes me

At least for when a woman sleeps with a man, he knows she likes something about him or at least finds him attractive.

As women, attention from a man can simply just mean he is horny and he thinks you might be easy. So, you can't tell if he actually likes you or not from his sexual attention.

Because a man may desire sex and will seek women out who seem easier vs women they actually like or find attractive

So, physical intimacy with a man basically means nothing for our ego since it means nothing coming from a ton of men, especially the men who will sleep with women out of a desire for sex rather than a desire to have sex with her

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Id argue that 9 times out of 10 if a guy wants to sleep with you than he actually likes you.

That doesn't imply that he wants to be a relationship with you but he does indeed to a certain degree find you attractive.

Guys in general standards for dating or sex have NEVER been high. Simply being non morally corrupt, not being obese, and appearing semi loyal is enough to for guys to fall head over heels.

Girls do this thing where they AUTOMATICALLY assume that if a guy only wants them for sex that it means the guys DONT find them in attractive which isn't true.

If argue it's much harder to know which girls like men because of investment.

Most people assess investment levels to indicate who likes who. Girls I'm the initial stage of dating have to put in next to No level of investment in the early investment days.

Guys are forced to do most of the work so they are usually falling for the girl anyway because they are putting in most of the early investments

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Obviously its not all men. But as a woman who deals with men, we get the most attention when we dress or act easy and get the least attention if we act less easier and dress a little more modest

I can make an AMAZING outfit and do my hair, nails, and look truly 10/10

But if i wear a skimpy outfit. Less makeup. Less attention to how I look, but I act and dress skimpy af, I get waaaaaaay more attention

Cuz a lot of guys are looking for sex and not attractive women.

They are horny and want sex so, they are going after the womem they perceive to be easiest.

A 10/10 women who expects at least 3 dates before she sleeps with you?

Or a woman who will go to your place at the end of the night and give you everything but is a 5/10?

A shit ton of guys will go for the second 5/10 womrn because they actually desire easy sex over their actual attraction for any individual women

Ease of sex > physical attraction for a good chunk of men

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Full disclosure/context; I'm a joyfully and monogamously married man, coming up on 14 years this Fall (together almost 5 years before that). This is all hypothetical to me. But if I were single, and I wanted sex, and the only sex that were available to me were with someone who didn't like me as a person, I'd still do it, because I enjoy sex for its own sake (though the other participant liking me certainly magnifies the experience by a lot!).

For men, you HAVE to be liked by someone to be able to have sex. It's not an option. For women, you don't have to be liked. You may want to be. You may even require it; in my opinion, you should! And this is where I'm saying it's arguable.

Women have an option that men don't in this regard. Is it a good option? Not for me to say. Plenty of women do it, so at least some must think it's a good idea. So that's why I call it arguable. It's an option that women have that men don't, and even if you or I think it's a bad option, plenty of women keep doing it, so there must be some perceived value there.

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I haven’t really faced many of those advantages myself except not having to make the first move. I never had men throwing money at me, I’ve always had to pay for my own things. Maybe it’s because I didn’t go scouting for rich men or something, and dated men my age in my social circle, but I think that’s pretty normal. I asked my husband if he wanted to marry me, I am pretty sure it would have not happened if I never did that.

The main thing I’m jealous of is safety. Men I know when faced with the opportunity to have sex with someone new, say, jump at it and don’t even consider they might be raped if they do that. If I were to do the same, I have to worry about the man trying to hurt me. It is pretty depressing to know how many men enjoy hurting women, I’ve never once heard a man worried his date might stuff something in his ass that he doesn’t want to, when he is just wanting to have some fun sexy time with her. Yet so many women I know have faced men who want to do that to us when we just want to have a good time with them.

Another thing I’m jealous of is men being able to make the first move - being the one to choose who to pursue, not having to wait. When I pursued men they often told me that was a turnoff, they actively disliked it so much that was the reason they were saying no. And it’s true, when I stopped and instead just waited for men to pursue me, I got better quality dates. But it would be fun to be the one doing the chasing sometimes.

I don’t want the man’s role - I really wish it didn’t have to be some all or nothing thing and we could all just do both roles sometimes. And I also wish rape wasn’t a thing any men wanted, or at least was way more rare than it is.

[–]MetaCognitioPurple Pill Man 0 points1 point2 points 1 week ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

The anxieties men face around sex aren’t as acute as the danger of being with someone that can harm them but they’re still there. He usually has to initiate when the signals aren’t clear, performance anxiety ,at the back of his mind has to be careful this isn’t a woman that will turn around and accuse them of something they didn’t do.

The pressure of having to make the approach, is not fun. It’s a source of stress self doubt and feeling like a failure when the anxiety gets hold of you. And your reward when it goes right is to have to often lead the interaction, be the initiator and then have to pay for the date.

On women approaching, you can introduce yourself and start a conversation with anyone man or woman and there is nothing wrong with that. You can be the one that breaks the ice. It’s a way to make friends, start conversations and build new collections.

The problem with women approaching is often they approach men who just aren’t interested and would never be interested.

Despite telling men how it should be done most women have really bad skills at making the first move but it’s masked by the fact that the guy takes the lead for her before it becomes apparent. They often have poor calibration, can’t read his body language, can’t hold a conversation, say things that aren’t interesting, don’t know when to bow out, just put the ball in his court, are awkward… and they discover what men learned as teens; it’s extremely hard to do all of those things when you’re really nervous.

Getting rejected by men who don’t want to be approached lets you know early they probably think very differently to you but really no guy is going to reject a woman he’s actually attracted to because she said hi first.

[–]NovadinaEgalitarian Woman (Blue) 3 points4 points5 points 1 week ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

That is just anxiety. Women face that kind of anxiety as well. The terror of realizing I’ve been drugged and can’t control my own body or speak, with a man much heavier than me on top of me and nothing I can do…. I am lucky I didn’t drink enough of it and was able to come to enough to scream and had other people in my apartment. Yet I never tried to be alone with a man I just met again, not worth that terror. It’s just not comparable to performance anxiety, which is hard, but worth the result of getting through it. It’s there no matter how you date, like me asking a guy out doesn’t eliminate his performance anxiety, it’s a natural part of dating for men and women. Rape is specifically about some men intentionally turning what should be fun into something terrible, it’s not some natural effect in our own bodies we need to face just because we date.

Yet in reality as a woman I’ve faced men targeting me like I’m prey just doing anything - working, commuting, site seeing, walking to school, and dating adds an element of danger because by its nature it means eventually being alone with a man who is much stronger and i will be defenseless, when knowing from many experiences starting as a child how men can have a desire to harm us (and a lot women having suffered that harm). I have a crazy long list of horror stories girls and women I know have faced, in addition to my own. And I have lived a privileged middle class life. We know how threatening men can be and that it isn’t rare, it’s not something we read about online, we have seen it.

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I doubt it, because if most women were genuinely jealous of the male side of dating, you'd expect to see much more pressure to change the gender roles that men are expected to fulfill. Instead, many of those expectations remain widely accepted. Men are still generally expected to initiate, approach, plan dates, risk rejection, make the first move, propose, and often pay. Those are all parts of the dating process that place more responsibility on men.

That suggests most women don't actually view the male role in dating as the more desirable one. They may envy certain freedoms men have in other areas of life, but when it comes to dating, there isn't much indication that they want to trade places. Most people don't push to take on what they see as the harder role, and the lack of widespread effort to change those expectations says a lot. If the male dating experience were something women genuinely wished they had, those traditional roles would likely be challenged much more than they are.

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Title	What Aspects of Men's dating life do you have find yourself getting jealous of?
Author	Chemical-Low209
Upvotes	18
Comments	471
Date	July 8, 2026 4:38 PM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1uqy00i/what_aspects_of_mens_dating_life_do_you_have_find/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-aspects-of-mens-dating-life-do-you-have-find.1584546 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584546

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