The Telegraph: "Women are being strangled, choked, slapped and spat on during sex - we need to stop pretending this is normal"

passepar2t · 2020-03-06T18:12:46+00:00

Most women I've dated have specifically requested to be treated roughly in bed and would be disappointed and slightly turned off if I refused.

sublimemongrel · 2020-03-06T19:10:02+00:00

That article seems to be about alleged rapists/assaulters using "rough sex" as a legal defense. But I'm not subscribing to the Telegraph to read the full thing.

As to your question, I like it a little "rough" sometimes, but that does NOT include slapping or spitting. Absolutely no slapping or spitting ew. Choking I would also not be into although no one has ever done that to me, thankfully.

tickledpic · 2020-03-06T18:13:59+00:00

All that is just bdsm play and boring. What I'm looking for is the male energy expressed through domination. Some men can't give it and wind up wearing stupid masks and following a lame script.

wtknight · 2020-03-06T18:11:42+00:00

I’ve never known a woman who wanted rough sex, but I’m not the sort of guy that women who like rough sex are attracted to. I think that it’s just one of those things where some women like it and some don’t based on their personality and generalizations can’t be made.

MrHerbSherman · 2020-03-06T18:08:22+00:00

Lmao I thought it was super weird too until I found out how many girls demand it

LittyKitsune · 2020-03-06T19:07:07+00:00

Note that the article is specifically talking about rough sex defense, where men use supposedly consensual BDSM as an excuse for killing or severely injuring a partner. Also dedicated a few sentences to women who feel pressured into rough sex by their partners. Writer's feelings toward consensual rough sex that doesn't lead to death/injury is ambiguous, and she doesn't seem to be calling out the BDSM community as a whole.

Clempot · 2020-03-06T20:13:57+00:00

Strangulation is extremely dangerous - there's a high risk of blood clots and an elevated risk of a stroke for up to a year after.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-03-06T19:01:48+00:00

Abuse and humiliation porn (to me) is gross, fucked up and a major turn off.

Arguments for: freedom of expression, BDSM as a thing, women who like it, want it, ask for it, etc. OKAY FINE. Whatever. Make these horrible gross videos.

I'm not subscribing though. I had this strange preference when I watched porn - I preferred it when the female was able to muster some semblance of acting and at least pretend she was into what was going on. A woman literally choking on a penis because it's being forced into her throat... I can't see that being enjoyable for her.

Now, I'm not against people who like painful degrading sex. Fill your boots. Or enema bags or whatever the fuck you fill.

There is a thing where some women like a bit of hair pulling. I've heard some women like some "pressure applied to their neck" or light choking. We've all heard about the controversial rape fantasies.

I'm a pretty boring guy. Kinky, but boring. If I ever become a sexual person again, I just want her to REALLY get off while feeling safe. If she's into being hit, or choked or degraded she's not the person for me. I don't get off on degrading a woman.

NOT INTO THAT SHIT. it's gross. And I don't think women in general want a cock forced into their throat so they can choke and become a tearing snot covered mess. Yes, I saw it a few times and turned it off.

ohheyhi99 · 2020-03-06T18:39:55+00:00

As far as I can tell, mildly rough sex is considered normal for late Millennials and Gen Z. And while some guys out there are pushing for it on their own, many men are rougher because of some women’s request, occasionally at the slight discomfort of the men.

I think the issues arise when:

1) Some men are just overly rough by preference 2) Some men assume that all women like rough sex due to messaging from women, porn, or past experiences, so he might end up applying that technique incorrectly or to the wrong woman

rhyth7 · 2020-03-06T22:40:33+00:00

I do not like a abusive sex and it saddens me that men want to abuse women so badly just because they saw it in porn. Before the rise of internet porn, men weren't jamming things into butts without permission on such a large scale. You guys were way more careful amd respectful back then. Porn rots your brains and soon pedophilia will be mainstream the way things are going.

yuckyuck13 · 2020-03-06T18:26:44+00:00

[deleted]

goatismycopilot · 2020-03-06T18:05:59+00:00

I think it is weird and unappealing.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-03-06T18:21:26+00:00

A truly dominant man doesn’t need to resort to that to satisfy his woman

Gently choked, fine. But don’t straight up strangle me or spit on me. I was with one guy who wanted to beat me with a belt and spit in my mouth - I hoped right TF out of that situation

CatchPhraze · 2020-03-06T21:08:24+00:00

Yo just ask what the other person likes. That simple. How is this hard.

Iamthegirliam · 2020-03-06T19:18:12+00:00

I never tried it and would never agree on it. For me it sounds just scary.

But honestly, I found out that people chocke each other on reddit. Before that It wouldn't even cross my mind and none of my friends would think about it. And we talk about sex, masturbation etc. openly. But also I'm not from US, maybe it's just your think.

I like passion and I like to feel sexy. Being in pain or hurt by my man would not make me feel like that.

WicGoingAnonymous · 2020-03-06T21:03:06+00:00

Do you (or any women you know) like it rough? How common is this behavior?

I like rough sex. All the women that I know that LIKE sex, prefer some form of rough sex. It's not all the same, the person that likes being strangled doesn't necessarily like being slapped. It's extremely uncommon to find a guy willing to do that.

Do women like it rough because that's their natural instinct or because they see it in magazines and porn and want to try it?

Everyone tries it out because it's in a magazine/porn. If you don't like it, you aren't going to keep doing it because it's in a magazine/porn. I do know some people that do it for their SO, that's a pressure point.

Is this a biological thing or a cultural thing?

Every time there's a research on where fetishes come from, it's from culture. Areas that are very hateful towards gay sexuality consume the largest amount of gay porn and etc.

Being naughty is biological from men AND women. How naughty gets translated to sex depends on the culture.

2020-03-06T22:29:30+00:00

I like it really rough, and I’m pretty sure it’s biological. From my early teens I would fantasize about being tied up, although I definitely started seeking out erotica related to bdsm around that time so the exact way it’s expressed is probably influenced by cultural factors. All of the above sound like things I do/would enjoy in the bedroom.

As for other people, I know a lot of women like it rough but I have no idea if it’s most. There are so many different ways that sexuality is expressed and those statements seem a little simplistic and not that useful.

I don’t judge other people’s consentual sex lives and it would be cool if everyone could just relax and stop trying to shame or control what random people do in the bedroom.

cuckspace · 2020-03-06T18:42:55+00:00

Can’t read the article, but the title sounds like she thinks it’s men demanding this. It’s the women. All the women I’ve had sex with wanted to be dominated in some way. Some want it rough, some want it really rough and degrading (without calling it that) and some want it just “passionate”, which borders on rough.

We used to be told women want it “sweet and tender” but it turns out, as women come out of their closets with their fantasies, that’s not the case. Does the author of the article want women to go back into their closets and pretend they like tame men?

chocolatefondant21 · 2020-03-06T18:22:01+00:00

I don't like rough sex. Best thing to do is just ask each partner if they're into choking or whatever BEFORE you do it. Don't just spring it on someone.

GhastlyRain · 2020-03-06T21:32:29+00:00

1.) First answer: as kinky as I am, I hate violence in sex. If a partner ever did that with me, I would be furious! I don’t know a lot of other women’s preferences, (maybe a tiny few) but the ones I do know tend to not like that stuff either. 2.) Because of my basic knowledge of psychology, I can say that it’s probably a mix of both: some women are naturally into more forceful relations because that’s what they like, but magazines and porn are major influencers. After Albert Bandura’s initial discovery of observational learning, people have been curious about similar questions regarding sexual violence, and one study in my psych book talks about how a sample of men exposed to sexually violent film scenes became noticeably more desensitized to them. While that doesn’t mean they all started wanking it to gore, it definitely does beg the question of the long term consequences that violent porn could have on people. So, I think that culture and biology are both at play here, though with biology a less extreme typical behavior in men and women. (Although even then, some women and men are into very different sexual roles than what they are thought to usually prefer, so there’s that too)

king_of_red_alphas · 2020-03-07T02:37:24+00:00

I wonder how much the judgmental, angry and prudish attitudes of some women publicly only make the taboo of doing all this shit in private all that much more exciting.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2020-03-06T19:09:06+00:00

I think this is selection bias. Nearly Every woman I've been with liked rough/aggressive sex. I look like, and carry myself like the kind of guy that would have rough sex. So those women are more likely to pick me.

Interesting anecdotal evidence, the bigger the woman. The more likely that she wanted gentle romantic love making. The smaller the woman, the more likely she wanted to be treated like a human Fleshlight, and degraded.

goatismycopilot · 2020-03-06T20:07:44+00:00

One characteristic I have noticed of people who are into alternative sexual lifestyles or at least not "vanilla" practice is that they always TELL the entire planet even when nobody is discussing sex/sex preferences. I have a super annoying aquaintance who calls his BDSM stuff it "the lifestyle" and works it into unrelated conversations and another one who is into poly dating who also makes sure everybody knows. FYI he is unattractive and so are all the women he corrals into his whatever.

I absolutely do not want to restrict anybody's freedom to make donkey clown midget porn on the weekends and post it on Pornhub if it still exists I am not very cutting edge when it comes to pop culture but I am not interested in hearing about it, like I am not intrigued in the same way nobody is intrigued about me hiking with my dog or whatever other pedantic Mid America shit I am doing.

So whenever this comes up either the way everybody in this thread is all like yah all the bitches I fuck want me to tase them and leave ligature marks as a sign of "ownership" cus she muh main bitch I mean okay? It seems like everybody really, really, wants a cookie for this. Like that guy here who is always talking about him and swinger bi wife okay have a cookie.

GreenSatyr · 2020-03-06T20:13:57+00:00

Did any of you even read the article? It has nothing to do with whether women like having rough sex, it is about not taking "rough sex" as a defense when a woman accuses someone as abuse.

Like picture this, a woman calls the police and she is bleeding and has bruises everywhere and then the guy says "uuh it was rough sex" and gets acquitted...why is it relevant whether who does or does not like rough sex?

Azihayya · 2020-03-07T08:24:04+00:00

Do you think you may have created this thread just to affirm that you think that strangling, choking or slapping women during sex is normal? I think that's how this forum tends to want to interpret this issue--by affirming through anecdotes and by validating each other that this is normal behavior (to whatever ends, whether that be ideological perspectives on female nature or to affirm one's one sexual curiosity).

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2020-03-08T14:39:52+00:00

I learned a lot of harsh lessons in my youth where women asked me for this in bed, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I “respected women too much” or something, then got dumped.

Looking back, that was very patriarchal of me. I assumed I knew what was good for her, and didn’t truely internalize that when a woman says that she wants this, she actually wants it, and it is ok. But yes more than half of my girlfriends have been into rough stuff. We aren’t pretending it is normal, it is completely normal.

And so what? People play rough for fun in sports as well. And it is probably a hell of a lot more dangerous than rough sex. But people still want to do it. Why is it a problem that people want to experience pain in a controlled consensual way that we find pleasurable?

sadomasochrist · 2020-03-06T18:06:36+00:00

Do you (or any women you know) like it rough? How common is this behavior?

Most

Is this a biological thing or a cultural thing? Do women like it rough because that's their natural instinct or because they see it in magazines and porn and want to try it?

Yes

AnotherWildling · 2020-03-06T22:22:34+00:00

At the most , I like it hard IF, and iónly if, I'm really in the mood. If not, it hurts.

When I was younger I sometimes asked to be called names and to be slapped. That was because of my very low opinion of myself.

What men hade done to me during consentual sex that I specifically didn't ask for and did not enjoy: being bitten hard, being slapped (in that case not asked for as opposed to above) and once someone seemed to enjoy trying to fit a whole fist into me, that hurt like hell but he didn't stop. Also, anal sex. I hate anal, the men who've wanted it have known it fucking hurts yet still wanted it.

goneaway2thewind · 2020-03-06T23:24:17+00:00

Why do they keep asking for it then?? 🤷‍♂️

Dolphin_Moon · 2020-03-06T23:27:04+00:00

Yeah I like it rough but no choking. Hands on my ass some ass slapping nothing crazy I’d say. But I know PLENTY of girls that cannot get off unless they are choked. I prefer slow intimate sex cause I am a hopeless romantic 😭😭😭

nana19_ · 2020-03-07T01:34:03+00:00

I don’t, but rough and dominant are different, a thing is feeling a masculine partner who is dominant, passionate and make you feel it, other thing is being hurt or make you feeling like crap. And I don’t want be hurt in sex or be treated poorly. I like the opposite energy to the one I have, but it’s not that I want be hurt at all. I think by one side men confuse that rough(with pain) and dominant role. And by other side, maybe some women like being treated like that, and some of them maybe enjoy it, and some of them allow it because they’re trying to satisfy the man or being “open mind” because that’s “cool”, even if they don’t like it. But sexuality is much of exploration so, I guess it explain why later women just decide they don’t like something even when they tried it.

NixieNik99 · 2020-03-07T01:36:42+00:00

What happen to just having aggressive sex with dirty talk . No choking etc ..... I'm guessing movies and all this accessibility to learning about fetishes is leading people to experiment. Like actors David Carradine the Kung Fu guy he was into Erotic asphyxiation (variously called asphyxiophilia, hypoxyphilia or breath control play) is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purposes of sexual arousal. the media talked about his accident . Then people became curious and now we are here .

ConsistentBrush · 2020-03-07T01:37:40+00:00

It's a sexual preference thing. The only thing that's relevant is consent.

NaturalQueer · 2020-03-07T01:58:47+00:00

Both men and women can have varied sexual kinks and interests I don’t think it’s all that surprising that some like it and some don’t. I know tons of women including myself that do but I also lots of women who don’t.

little_bohemian · 2020-03-07T09:25:13+00:00

Well... I'm a straight woman who's been into BDSM since forever (the BDSM stuff more than sex itself, actually), so I believe it's probably innate for a minority of people like me, but the normalization of very rough sex in most heterosexual encounters seems pretty strange to me. Even when I was starting to date less than 10 years ago, I don't believe it was the default way of having straight sex, just like rimming and anal definitely weren't normalized like I've heard they are now. I don't believe all of that is just coming from being "honest about women's nature" and not from projecting porn logic into real life. Porn has to exaggerate to make you feel something, just like action or horror movies.

IMO, the problem is that while people have more sexuality for consumption, they're still ashamed to actually talk about sex IRL and go into it with NO assumptions about what should happen or what their partner should enjoy, based on just their gender. People, especially young men, need to work on these communication skills, otherwise they're just guessing what the average woman could like, and while that may work some/most of the time, there's a huge issue when it doesn't. But banging on about honest communication just isn't as appealing as making particular sexual practices "trendy" or making up Cosmo sex tips...

Anonymous_Asshole14 · 2020-03-07T17:33:49+00:00

I like it pretty rough sometimes but not all the time. My partner and I have sex frequently but we usually plan ahead for rougher stuff. I don’t like to be spit on but I do like slapping and choking. I am also into bondage. I had a guy choke me one time without asking and it scared me and I asked him to stop and he did but then he did it again so I stopped sleeping with him. I got around to being comfortable with my husband choking me but it was my decision to try it and I can always tell him exactly how to do it so he doesn’t hurt me, plus we’re so in tune that I usually don’t even need to safe word because he can tell the second I’m actually not okay. I wouldn’t do any amount of rough play with someone I’m not comfortable with because it can get scary really quickly when you’re not in control of the situation.

I know a decent amount of my friends like it rough but I’m not sure how rough, I do know quite a few girls who like being choked. I don’t know if it’s more cultural or biological, but through exploring why I like this kink I discovered that I liked playing a victim and pretending to be “trapped” when I was a child. Example: When I was around 9 years old I remember laying on a net on the playground and pretending I was trapped there by a spider and it was going to eat me. So for me it might be more biological? I don’t really know.

2020-03-06T20:36:56+00:00

[deleted]

JaJammerJan · 2020-03-06T19:40:07+00:00

I don't think it's that common. It's a cultural thing: porn. In my experience, women want that masculine energy/desire/passion, but the porn is making many men think that women want to be "dominated" in the bdsm sense of the word.

Some people can be very submissive and be excited about some rough sex, but in the end we all want love.

2020-03-07T02:39:28+00:00

It is not biological. It is a recent phenomenon. It is without a doubt related to pornography.

extrachromozomes · 2020-03-06T19:51:42+00:00

I think bdsm is a learned thing, most women like to be submissive in bed with an obvious power Imbalance, but things like degrading and rough sex i.e throat fucking, spiting, slapping are things that are learned through porn and I feel a lot of women subject themselves to it or say they want it because they feel like the men they are with would like that type of thing ( I know some women do enjoy it so don’t try and fight me about that)

ElGupo1978 · 2020-03-06T21:52:19+00:00

This shit is designed to drive men insane. Chad is slapping spitting and choking women meanwhile I’ll get arrested if I tell a woman she looks nice today.

civil_scientist · 2020-03-06T19:07:37+00:00

I've been a masochist as long as I've been aware of sexual desire. I enjoy it to a degree that most women don't. It's certainly not because of social pressures: my first sexual experience involved my sexual partner raking her nails gently down my back and every nerve ending in my body lit up like it was Christmas. Nothing has ever given me more pleasure than pain and I don't get turned on without it. When it comes to sex, some people are most comfortable translating that to a rough fuck...some prefer vanilla sex with painful foreplay. All bueno to me!

NockerJoe · 2020-03-06T19:09:04+00:00

Theres 2 types of girls when it comes to this and IME the kind of girl who wants that shit is at least as common as the one that doesn't.

futurecuckoldress · 2020-03-06T19:26:35+00:00

I've never done any of those things but I'm dying to try submission.

I don't often cum to:

strangled, choked, slapped and spat on during sex

I'm not against those things though. They just aren't triggers for me. But I do think about licking and worshiping a guy's feet & ass. And having multiple guys at once. Also, being forced in other ways, like tied up, or humiliation in exotic ways. Which I've never done either but I want to.

Loopylafae · 2020-03-06T19:34:40+00:00

" Do many, many women like rough sex? Yes. " quote your sources for this please. Data & methods.

mangolover97 · 2020-03-06T21:00:25+00:00

I like choking and some domination but I grew up in a low-key physically abusive environment so that may have something to do with it. Among my friends most are vanilla, but the ones who aren’t got beat and degraded lot as a kid too so maybe that plays a role idk.

Spitting and slapping is gross though and would just turn me all the way off.

ferretsRfantastic · 2020-03-06T21:19:18+00:00

I'm a woman who likes really rough sex but I would say that I'm the odd one out, even amongst my friend group.

SabineLavine · 2020-03-06T21:19:29+00:00

I like my guy to be dominant, but I would not be ok with any of the stuff in that quote.

-RedditorOfTheYear- · 2020-03-06T23:14:00+00:00

I don’t like being spat in. But choking and slapping is kinda hot

Cobra_x30 · 2020-03-06T23:47:15+00:00

The real problem is that people don't seem to be communicating well with each other. Sometimes a woman is in the mood for rough sex and sometimes she wants it softer. If you are really against talking about this... then do some stuff to gauge her mood during foreplay. Even if she wants it rough, build up to it by going light at first.

Rhye88 · 2020-03-06T23:50:59+00:00

jesus christ can we just let people enjoy their kinks? yeah i like being called names because my dad never loved me blabla bla

somegenerichandle · 2020-03-07T00:18:16+00:00

Rarely. Anyway, I'm more into hedonism and temperature play. And i hate getting hickies, especially when you tell them not to. I think it's largely cultural/societal.

The thing that irks me the most is not being asked or coerced into it. Splitting for lubrication, i do not find offensive. Choking is very dangerous. It is considered edge play. It's really terrible how many women are killed, We cannot consent to this!

edit: and also because i just looked it up (for the cmv sub):

In the decade since Vicky’s murder [by choking during sex in 2009], such killings have risen by 90%.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex

Female_urinary_maze · 2020-03-07T01:26:30+00:00

I "like it rough" in some very specific ways. For instance spanking is awesome, but being choked is a big no for me especially since most dudes don't know what the fuck they're doing.

You can't automatically know which "rough" things (if any) somebody is into, and you must absolutely not spring it on them unexpectedly!

The long and short of it is that people need to just ask before doing these things. If they can't talk about it first they're not mature enough (or maybe just too plastered) to be having sex at all.

Thankfully for me BDSM people have that shit sorted. Our norms on consent and sexual communication are a lot more refined than those of vanilla society. It's not that we're smarter or anything, it's just that the results of not communicating before attempting any BDSM activity are insanely terrible.

ontherailstoday · 2020-03-07T01:30:01+00:00

Many people, male or female, have some elements of rough sexual interaction they enjoy performing and some intense elements of rough sexual interaction they enjoy performed on them. Straight women on average enjoy these elements performed on them more than straight men do... but let's not kid ourselves, no group enjoys rough play quite like gay dudes seem to.

I tend to think there's a pretty strong correlation between being willing to regularly participate in highly casual sex as a receptive partner and enjoying elements of rough sex. People who don't have a tendency to enjoy that stuff are likely to stop having casual sex altogether after just one unrequested incident of it with a casual partner. So if most of what you know about sex you learned from the girls who do Tindr hookups... idk dude, maybe you're missing a large part of the picture.

Me personally? Some of the sensation play I like borders on looking like rough, but it is always done as thoroughly thought through and mutually planned sensation play not as power play. I can handle rushed sex, pulling off of clothes, etc from someone I know and trust. I'm thoroughly turned off by things like choking (if I want hypoxia I'll hold my own damn breath kthx) and face slapping and hairpulling and spitting. I think I'm an example of one form of normality... there are lots of women like me.

Is it biological or cultural? A bit of both. The two also interact. And there's also the matter of personal psychological elements that are not ideally described as either biological or cultural, rather are down in large part to a person's random experiences interacting with both biology and culture and shaping their comfort zones... for example a person who was in a serious car accident as a child and spent many years being poked and prodded and confined etc may see certain things about being acted upon or doing the acting upon someone else and what being cared for mean in different ways. As someone I once knew said "That'll give the kid complexes."

goneaway2thewind · 2020-03-07T02:40:49+00:00

Do you (or any women you know) like it rough? How common is this behavior?

Very common, 50% of all the women I've had sex with (albeit less than 10) willingly asked for some sort of degradation or rough sex. The others didn't ask so I didn't initiate it.

Is this a biological thing or a cultural thing? Do women like it rough because that's their natural instinct or because they see it in magazines and porn and want to try it?

Both. I remember reading somewhere that women actually prefer "hardcore" porn over most genres. And it generally overstimulates them to the point of actually reaching orgasm.

Cicero_Johnson · 2020-03-07T03:09:21+00:00

The number of women who don't like to be held down, or rough-fucked, every so often, is probably pretty low.

I do admit being spat on is a new one I have never considered...but I have fond memories of dripping spit back and forth into each other's mouths with a few of my past ladies. Same basic concept. Part of what makes being aroused more intense is knowing that your partner REALLY wants you as THEIRS!

I mean, if some girl I was into was riding me cowgirl-style, and learned forward, spit onto me, and said, "You're mine bitch!", I would actually be aroused--NOT because it was demeaning, but because I know if she wants me bad enough to break out of vanilla into what REALLY gets her off, I am really getting her off.

SCORE! She is having HAWT SECKS!

Having said that, NO OTHER BODILY FLUIDS OR BYPRODUCTS ALLOWED!!! Sorry, I just cannot go there. Spit is OK because, let's face it, it is no more gross than French-kissing. One super hot chick I dated, when she wanted to fool around, would ask me if I wanted to take her back to my place and, "chew tongues and swap spit".

Of course, she also liked being tied down and having me use a belt on her butt...

But, the point is the Telegraph author is a freaking prude moron.

"Turns out that archaeologists and anthropologists have found records of BDSM-style practices that date all the way back to early Mesopotamia (4000-3100 BCE). These records found domination-style celebrations and sacrifices involving cross-dressing, altered states of consciousness, and lots of combined pain and ecstasy. "

This stuff IS normal. The only problem arises if:

It is NOT consensual (duh!)
It becomes obsessive where one partner is just not that into it.

Aside from that...

I find comment 'bout my looks irrelativity
Think I'll go and have some fun
Cause it's all for free
I'm not searching for a reason to enjoy myself
Seems it's better done
Than argued with somebody else

Over, Under, Sideways, Down, The Yardbirds

2020-03-07T03:49:14+00:00

Cultural mainly. Its sorta like roller coasters, haunted houses and horror movies. It gets adrenaline going but it's still "safe". Nonone wants to be chased by a kille, be violently attacked, or raped, but roleplaying with soft violence gets a rush.

NarniaFox · 2020-03-07T05:27:06+00:00

Do you (or any women you know) like it rough? How common is this behavior?

I think I like vanilla roughness. It is rough, but it is not demeaning. It's nice to be held tightly, I like it when my partner picks me up, turns me over, chooses a pose himself, but he never is rude and he always cares for me, so I feel safe and loved. I've never done and I'm not interested in choking, spitting, name calling etc.

Gentle and sensual sex is great too, I can't say that I always like being dominated.

Is this a biological thing or a cultural thing?

I think it's cultural, at least for me. One of the first sex scene I've seen was a rape scene and I do think that it affected me not in a good way. I also read a shit ton of slash and yaoi fanfics and if you know what the hell it is, you know that more than half of them are about forcible sex.

SqueaksScreech · 2020-03-07T05:56:08+00:00

I like rough sex and being sexually dominated. What women don't like is a boring dude acting like he's the shit and all dominate when he can't even figure how out to choke correctly.

Any dude can spank, slap and call you a whore. The thing is can he execute it correctly.

We all have different preferences. I feel like tumblr and the terribly written story based off a twilight fanfiction also known as 50 shades of grey made it easier to talk about.

mickenrorty · 2020-03-07T06:28:26+00:00

Every women I’ve ever been with has explicitly fondly appreciated me spanking, choking and generally speaking dominating them in the bedroom.

I always ease into it but I must admit it’s 100% success rate,.. girls love a guy taking charge in the bedroom

DitheringDilettante · 2020-03-07T13:23:24+00:00

In regards to your first question, absolutely not. Choking, roughness, and all that like doesn’t sound appealing to me. My friends claim that they’re fans of it, though many of them don’t actually participate in these sorts of endeavors (most haven’t even been in a relationship for quite some time).

I would argue it’s more of a cultural thing since it’s often fetishized about in porn and media (Fifty Shades was stupidly popular, wonder why). Though it could also be folks being more open about their sexuality (perhaps too much so) than in previous generations.

Peter5930 · 2020-03-07T13:34:45+00:00

"Spit in my mouth and make me feel dirty." - My gf when she wants to cum.

I also know the difficulty of trying to bend my wrist at an awkward angle to spank her small ass while I fuck her from behind because she likes that too.

Do you (or any women you know) like it rough? How common is this behavior?

Yes, and veerrry common.

Is this a biological thing or a cultural thing? Do women like it rough because that's their natural instinct or because they see it in magazines and porn and want to try it?

I'd go with mostly biological and an evolved behavioural response that reduces the chance of injury or death when a woman is with an aggressive male partner (including one who just brained the woman's previous partner with a rock) by wiring women to 'like it despite themselves', or to tend towards the submissive, masochistic end of the spectrum, since wanting to run away or fight back could easily be fatal in ye olde caveman days when not only was law and order not a thing, but solitary living was so difficult and dangerous that to run from or be exiled from your tribe was basically a death sentence.

41013 · 2020-03-06T18:35:33+00:00

I find this an interesting topic, but sadly I believe there is little chance we can get an accurate idea of just what proportion of the female population is into rough sex/physical abuse during sex. It’s too touchy, even with anonymity.

Personally, any dude that tries to choke or slap me during sex (something I would never ask for) is getting a knee to the balls. That’s assault to me, and to the law.

king_of_red_alphas · 2020-03-06T21:08:14+00:00

The responses to this article display the phenomenon which, to my mind, proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is utterly useless to ask women on a forum like this about these subjects.

It would be like going on TRP and asking if guys like to cuddle with their women after sex. I guarantee you plenty, even most do (it’s like a fucking natural human reaction) but most guys on TRP will claim “nah! I don’t do that gay shit! She doesn’t even stay over!” Etc.

Similarly, women on PPD generally live in a world where any rough, dominant of hyper-masculine aggression in bed is seen as “problematic” at best and “rape” at worst.

The ones that do like it will inevitably stay silent because of shame. I’m not a Trump supporter by any means, but I do believe this phenomenon largely explained the disparity between pre-election polling and the actual results.

Just like there are far more Trump supporters in the ballot box than you would think, there are far more submission fetish women in the bedroom.

The final evidence is found whenever a thread like this comes up. The people that actually fuck women (and often have experience fucking many of them) tell a completely different story.

They find it surprisingly common for the girl to not only be into it, but sometimes demand it. These responders have a potential frame of reference or hundreds Women combined.

The women who respond to this, truly believe and probably can’t understand why anyone would be into choking / gagging / slapping etc. However, their frame of reference is basically ONE.

What they ask their girlfriends is irrelevant as any girl that knows another girl that sees it as problematic will either not discuss it or agree. This “agreeable” behavior is well documented in women.

In short, any effort to get women to self report things that make them look less virtuous is not going to yield useful results.

AggravatingTartlet · 2020-03-06T21:59:42+00:00

[deleted]

NixieNik99 · 2020-03-07T01:18:05+00:00

If my man was to spit on me during sex he better hold his sack because I would punch the f*** out of him 😆😆😆😆.

LowCreddit · 2020-03-06T19:03:52+00:00

It's more common than you would think, but nowhere near a majority. The women who want sexual violence also demand emotional violence in their relationships. This escalates into cycles of physical violence over time.

Stay away from people that introduce violence of any kind into the relationship. This goes doubly for men. They are the ones that end up in prison for it.

I think it is a combination of biological and cultural. Most women with these kinds of preferences grew up in violent homes themselves.

jsxjs · 2020-03-06T20:20:15+00:00

It’s always the weird unattractive gothic or alternative girls who say they’re into this 😒

2020-03-06T18:26:40+00:00

I speak pretty openly about sex with my female friends. I am into BDSM but I am the minority amongst my friends. They are pretty liberal 20 somethings.

But its irrelevant how many women are into it or not - he fact is you should discuss and ask consent before performing these types of sexual acts.

MoistMaoist · 2020-03-06T20:59:12+00:00

It doesn't matter whether women like rough sex for cultural or biological reasons. From a sex-positive point of view, the only thing that matters is that all parties are consenting adults. We cannot and should not police what consenting adults do in privacy. However, if for the sake of argument we accept that this inclination is due to misogyny and is entirely cultural, then it remains that the solution is not to police people's sex lives but rather to target the misogyny that causes it - in other words, don't put the cart before the horse.

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-03-07T00:48:15+00:00

IDK why the Telegram feels the need to shame women for the stuff they're into; I mean, not even I go that far.

jax006 · 2020-03-06T18:29:42+00:00

I've had sex with 13 women and every single one like rough dominant behavior from me while fucking.

Some maybe a little lighter on the scale; there's a spectrum between just hair pulling, nibbling lips or ears ect. VS throat fucking or choking the shit outta a bitch

Take my sample size as you will, but it's pretty obvious to me it is a standard preference

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DeuxPistolets · 2020-03-06T19:45:42+00:00

I’m a guy. I like it when a woman dominates and gets rough with me. I feel like there aren’t many women that are like that sexually though.

2020-03-06T19:59:43+00:00

Women taught me to be rough with them.

hammerhaunts · 2020-03-06T21:54:50+00:00

If trans women like it, it must be good

SeasonedRP · 2020-03-06T22:27:49+00:00

It's very, very common, though I look like the kind of man women who want rough sex would go to, so I've probably experienced it disproportionately.

joesmithasdf · 2020-03-06T22:37:01+00:00

I see no qfw so let’s go. It’s pretty common nowadays, specially the 20y crowd. I don’t do it on a whim, but if they suggest it, let’s do it.

Never liked and never did the spitting thing, though.

lilacluna548 · 2020-03-06T23:39:42+00:00

My ex "choked" me once and I liked it but it was gentler than I thought it would be when he suggested it. Strangling, being spat on and being slapped sound awful, I wouldn't be into that. I like to be spanked though which I feel is extremely common.

DeusExSpatula · 2020-03-06T23:42:39+00:00

TIL I had no idea what “rough sex” actually means...

Strangulation, spitting....HARD pass. Good sex required, not flirting with death and/or disease...

openoids · 2020-03-07T01:14:55+00:00

BY demanding it, they, in a sense; are possibly just acquiescing to the inherent tension between male/female power and desire. Men are so horny and women are the objects of desire so "she wanted me to choke her!" is like "take me you fool," X TEN.

CHAD_TDK · 2020-03-07T01:20:36+00:00

The Telegraph: "Women are being strangled, choked, slapped and spat on during sex

The Truth: "Some women - but not all - enjoy being strangled, choked, slapped and spat on during sex

we need to stop pretending this is normal

Nobody is "pretending" that this is "normal". The definiton of "normal" is: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

This is a fringe fetish, common "enough" but still not within 2 standard deviations from mean.

What is pretty "normal" is the pervasiveness of fetishes and kinks of all kind, some manifested and - a lot more - repressed [a problem].

So, enough with click-bait like sensationalist titles meant to piss off people who can't reason, with the main goal to sell eyeballs, piss people off, so than they (the traditional media) can piss off even more people by publishing the reactions.

miss_meeseeks · 2020-03-07T12:29:10+00:00

Many women will be who they think you want them to be in bed, At least until they figure out who they are sexually. They’ll make the noises they think they’re supposed to make and try all the things they think will turn you on. In that process she MAY discover that she actually likes some aspects of rough sex. But, trust, every woman who has said “pull my hair” is not into rough sex.

I will echo the thought, I think this is an effect of pornography on both sides.

clowned-dot-com · 2020-03-07T13:58:55+00:00

All women like rough sex, but only with Chad

RF111164 · 2020-03-07T14:01:56+00:00

Do you like it rough?

no

(or any women you know)

almost every off the top of my head

How common is this behavior?

I'd say very common

Is this a biological thing or a cultural thing? Do women like it rough because that's their natural instinct or because they see it in magazines and porn and want to try it?

biological/natural

starfox863 · 2020-03-07T15:51:32+00:00

This is why safe words exist. This is why the BDSM community encourages talking to your partners. You need to communicate people.

Monkey_Physics · 2020-03-07T19:08:16+00:00

Wow great point! I do wonder though if this sub could at least TRY to more inclusive and include some thoughts from the Black community

It's 2020 after all and I will involve againsthatesubreddits if I have to or experience any bullying or mod messages or bans

nneomma · 2020-03-08T01:12:05+00:00

Me too, can’t imagine calling my husband daddy 🤣🤣🤣

-ColonelMortimer- · 2020-03-08T08:32:57+00:00

I have to say, I'm definetely not a neutral observer as I myself am into bdsm, but in my opinion it is very prevalent. I myself was brought into bdsm practises by a girl. I've met girls where this isn't even limited to rough sex but extends towards rape fantasies. I've met girls who straight up told me that they enjoy being spat on and need me to give them permission to orgasm.

I personally don't think that this is caused by porn, I think it's more likely that it's a societal thing. Women didn't start being into rough sex when porn became more widespread. And most porn isn't even filled with dominance fantasies. I think the most probable answer is that it's some kind of internalised misandry or some Freudian psychological stuff.

reallycleanpuddle · 2020-03-11T11:17:41+00:00

I'm a woman who likes it rough. I've never liked porn, only watched it three times in my life. I would say 70 percent of women I've asked like it rough to some extent but maybe varying degrees. Personally I'm more into dominance than pain. I would let someone piss on me, tell me I'm a slave, physically restrain me, crush me a bit, bite my neck.

I'm very attracted to power in men so that might be part of it. I also seem to be attracted to parental figures.

Relationship wise, I've always had healthy ones, with attentive caring men. A big turn on for me is someone who pays loads of attention to who I am and what I'm thinking. I don't care about looks, just power.

I also fancy women sometimes, but with women I very specifically want to fuck those who are mean and domineering. I've never dated one for this reason.

Thetrvler · 2020-03-06T20:12:20+00:00

Women love it 100%. They’re just a hoping the “renegade” woman makes it the new norm. Just look at twerking. It wasn’t normalized until a white woman did it and it was accepted. Woman’s nature is to follow the pack. Period.

5uckmyflaps · 2020-03-06T19:28:59+00:00

To be perfectly fair, so are men

ThimbleK96 · 2020-03-06T20:56:04+00:00

I’m only into it if I’m the one being dominant XD I mean I tolerate being a sub when I have to but there’s nothing like pinning a guy down by the throat and smacking him across the face a little while I’m riding him and watching him get more turned on.

Alphaetho3 · 2020-03-06T21:35:41+00:00

I've never gone strangling far, but c'mon guys, have none of you experienced getting lost in the moment, taking the reigns and being a bit rough resulting in her loving it all the more? Nails dig in, she blushes, she sinks down, she pulls in deeper. Any ladies understand either? This is what red pill means by women loving being dominated. There's just a difference between that undermining them or being forceful. The line is unclear these days.

JustRuss79 · 2020-03-06T21:50:29+00:00

Women are having sex with Women, Men are having sex with Men, Some women are having sex with multiple men or women, same for men! Some couples swap partners! Some people were born with a penis but claim to be a woman, who are lesbian and still like women! We need to stop pretending this is normal!!! /s /s /s

There are a lot of things that aren't "normal" but rough sex is suddenly a bridge too far?

Leave people alone, other than worrying about unwanted pregnancy ( a whole other debate other than birth control before conception ) people gonna kink how they are gonna kink. Leave them alone.

As long as the victims are able and willing to consent, they aren't really victims.

brackenz · 2020-03-06T22:22:33+00:00

because they see it in magazines and porn and want to try it?

Probably this since I didn't see shit like this being so common before 50shades

YveisGrey · 2020-03-07T00:10:38+00:00

Oh come on well adjusted women are not into being slapped and choked or spit on. I guarantee the overwhelming majority of women into that or worse asking for that have mental health issues/low self esteem and are probably dealing with other issues such as substance abuse, eating disorders and the like. Also let’s not pretend that many men aren’t ambushing women with this stuff in bed without warning because it’s literally the only way they can enjoy sex due to being desensitized by excessive porn use. I know women who were surprised with this in the bedroom and went along with but would talk about how uncomfortable it made them and those relationships had to be ended. There are also a few cases of women straight up dying from “rough sex”, well choking to be specific. Sorry but if you can only enjoy sex if it’s this degrading and humiliating or if you enjoy being humiliated and abused please look into therapy and get real help. We need to be more adept at recognizing self harm behaviors instead of overlooking them because “sex”. In any other context self harming is seen as the mental health issue that it is, why should sex make it any different? When it gets to the point that people are being injured or dying I think its safe to say that it has gone too far. I don’t think BDSM is normal at all I know there is a huge push to make it seem that way but pretty much everyone I ever knew into that super degrading stuff had serious issues in other areas of their life with drugs and alcohol and had depression, anxiety etc... Maybe there needs to be a proper study on this, because something doesn’t add up.

SpinPlates · 2020-03-07T00:48:38+00:00

I literally do every single thing in the title of this article to women.

I've never met a girl that doesn't like choking. Some stop at slapping, most stop at spitting.

Women like being treated like shit. But only by alpha males.

Fast-Mark36 · 2020-03-07T03:09:47+00:00

Feminists try to put Kinsey study back in the bottle. News at 11.

limbojunkie · 2020-03-07T03:55:55+00:00

62% of women fantasize about being raped. Go figure.

passepar2t · 2020-03-06T18:18:23+00:00

Also, I'm willing to bet that at least a full third of the staff of We Can't Consent To This enjoy being treated like "This" in the bedroom.

TRPonlySubsBanTRPppl · 2020-03-06T18:38:09+00:00

What I want to know is how to tell the difference. Woman who want to be dominated don't ask to be dominated. They want you to not ask and just do it.

On the opposite end, women who don't want to be dominated want you to ask. If I ask, I turn off the ones who want to be dominated and gain nothing for the women who don't (who I could just not ask and not try with).

If I want to dominate and/or get the women who want to be dominated, what am I supposed to do?

Bntt89 · 2020-03-06T19:25:51+00:00

I cant see the rest of the article I'm not signing if for it. But honestly why not just fucking ask lol? Or better yet why dont women just be more up front about sexual preferences? Are women going to pretend they dont like sex? Like didn't we have the sexual revolution? Yet women are still not open about wanting to be sexually satisfied.

beetlejuicer__ · 2020-03-06T20:34:18+00:00

Do all women like rough sex? No.

Do many, many women like rough sex? Yes.

This is something you can solve with statistical data, and not using anecdotes.

insultin_crayon · 2020-03-06T21:44:19+00:00

I don't like rough sex, but to each their own. Why preoccupy yourself with what other people like sexually?

AggravatingTartlet · 2020-03-06T21:55:00+00:00

[deleted]

Market_Feudalism · 2020-03-06T23:59:55+00:00

Remember fellas, it's only OK when Chad does it

v1cgt · 2020-03-07T06:34:28+00:00

So i lightly choke a bitch i just let her feel my power, i pull her hair and spank her ass. When I'm fking a girl her body is mine. I'm in control , I dominate her , I become almost possessive.

I don't do that spitting or troat fking sht seems to much for me.

Then again i like it when chicks can dominate me huge turn on.

sigma1932 · 2020-03-07T07:20:15+00:00

A bigger problem is that most women who are into this kind of play don't actually deserve to be "dominated" how they want to be (and yes, I'm talking about the mental aspect of it), but weak-ass men give it to them far too readily.

Conversely to how women often put a Ferrari price-tag on themselves even though they're a busted-ass '79 Pinto with a nice coat of paint and possibly a lot of bondo... men are far too often giving away the Ferrari in return for the change someone might find in their couch. It's fucking disgusting.

A man who knows what he's doing in this regard (again, not just the physical motions, but also has the frame, patience, etc. to flip all the right mental switches) is providing something far more valuable than what 80-90% of the women out there are offering in return.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-03-07T08:24:49+00:00

I dont. I dont know any women who do in person but I can only say for sure my close friends arent the types. I dont know about other women
No idea. I think its fucked up. I might be biased when I say this but I feel like its something popular now and many young girls do it to impress guys. I know one woman who tutors many young girls in dance and she was telling me how they talk to her about sex and she sees this horrible trend where they think stuff like anal is something "everybody does" and they'd look totally lame if they didnt do it. Its just fucked up. But then again there is obvious popularity of these type of materials among women, women made that crappy story 50 shades popular. I see it as "idiot women" not the type of women I'd hang out with, but it's still undeniably a thing. I dont get it, I think its really messed up

Title	The Telegraph: "Women are being strangled, choked, slapped and spat on during sex - we need to stop pretending this is normal"
Author	SomeTurdInTheWind
Upvotes	151
Comments	426
Date	March 6, 2020 6:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fehew4/the_telegraph_women_are_being_strangled_choked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-telegraph-women-are-being-strangled-choked.353129 https://theredarchive.com/post/353129