Daily Community Chat Megathread

AutoModerator · 2021-09-22T09:00:20+00:00

This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, etc... in...

[–]TheJim6618 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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I still don't know why you picked that methodology

Mostly because I hate that English uses the word love for a whole spectrum of different kinds. Unfortunately even the 8 types Greek has is not enough, as it seems we both agree on, but I don't know any others that attempt to differentiate. Maybe I should see if German does...

Eros, as I was taught it in my various philosophy courses, is closest to sexual love/lust not romantic.

And no, it's not "pure lust". It is a friendship that involves sex a couple times a month. Only about 15% of what we do together involves sex, the rest of the time we're normal friends. Really not sure why you FDS types have so much trouble with this. Why get riled about someone else's relationship? Like, why is it troubling you? I'm not being snarky. Just want to know why you gals care about me "giving sex away for free" and think "not getting commitment means he's using you".

Well we don't all live in the year 2250 yet where FWB relationships are considered to be "perfect". But if it is to you, godspeed.

It's not perfect for everyone. Far from it. Most people want committed relationships, not casual ones. But it's perfect for me, and that's all I care about.

[–]geyges2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–][deleted]4 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

how normal are we talking about? There's absolutely 0 of lovey-dovey behavior? No "oh I miss you". No gifts, no compliments, no hand holding, no physical touches, no staring into each other's eyes. It's basically

-Hey dude!

-What up dude?

-Let's have sex!

-Ok! Friendo!

Yes, this. Most of the time I ask him if he'd like to have sex that day, and he's free to say yes or no. If we're completely alone I'll be seductive but it's not as common.

As our fellow PPD member u/GridReXX put it, I'm very pragmatic. I don't do romance/lovey-dovey stuff like public displays of affection or whatever. The sex is great, don't get me wrong, I'm very satisfied when he's in the mood for it. And he's a wonderful friend, very understanding, shares many of my interests, and fun to be around. But sex is only a small part of our time spent together and they don't mix 99% of the time.

Friend time is for friendship, sexytime is for sex. When sex is over we're back to being regular friends again. I already compartmentalize most aspects of my life, some things involving social stuff can be illogical or confusing. But keeping everything in it's own box makes it easier to deal with since I'm autistic and need a little more time to process body language and emotions.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this would not be considered typical behavior for people who are actually dating. Yes?

[–]geyges3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]geyges1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

But what you just deduced

I'm not Sherlock Holmes. I didn't deduce anything. She told me.

“made sense” to me already

unlike you, I don't automatically assume everyone I'm talking to is autistic. I give people the benefit of the doubt.

it was honestly mean and attacky

We can't structure our society and discussion around people that have various mental disorders.

I feel like you’ve admonished me for that before or have perceived my comments as such.

I don't quite remember. Probably. But I also know the deference you're displaying here is a little different than how you talk about certain types of men who may have similar disorders and complain about their troubles with women.

In this case, its worth pointing out that If she's was a man she'd never get laid in a trillion years. I find it curious that women are so privileged they can literally invent new type of relationships to suit their illnesses; and I reject the idea that me asking questions about it betrays my meanness.

[–]GridReXX1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm not Sherlock Holmes. I didn't deduce anything. She told me.

She discussess how she is in every other post. I'm not Sherlock Holmes. I read.

unlike you, I don't automatically assume everyone I'm talking to is autistic. I give people the benefit of the doubt.

Nah. See above. I read. I read their comments. Their flairs. There are several ppl with autism in their user.

It seems you're making assumptions about how I retain information.

Furthermore, what does this have to do with anything? Are you upset that I make OPs about what women find arousing and unfortunately, yeah, it's not some of the behavioral traits commonly associated with autism? The goal here is to get these dudes to try to counter as best they can if they wish to attract women. It happens all the time outside of PPD. Also, more men than women make the claim about autism being a turn-off and I never see you pop up to counter them. Hm.

Finally, you fucking made a derisive joke, twice, assuming she has autism but now want to claim a moral high ground. Pick a struggle. She never mentioned autism once. Your sentiments here are baseless. Are you serious right now?

I don't quite remember. Probably.

You have. I remember things. I suppose you don't. Remembering is how I know. Not magic. And not sure why "deduction" offends you. It's how analysts in every profession execute exquisite research.

But I also know the deference you're displaying here is a little different than how you talk about certain types of men who may have similar disorders and complain about their troubles with women.

Cimorene86 is a reasonable person. Her comments are always respectful and measured. You approached her very measured breakdown of her relationship with assumptions and derision.

The "certain types of men" you seem to be referencing also tend to lead with "women are slutty scum" or "let's remove rights" types of comments.

I can't say I'm endeared to engage that with "deference" as you put it.

Most people on this sub seem to think I'm reasonable. It's about 5 dudes who think I'm the biggest meanie. And those guys are... mean and/or pernerially have *enter pejorative* comments. I don't enjoy the "men are trash" comments from women either and have responded to those women as well. So Idk whatevs.

We can't structure our society and discussion around people that have various mental disorders.

What does this have to do with engaging her like derisively as was done? People you don't like get that treatment? I don't know what you're trying to say here. It wasn't like she was attacking men or you or anything. Her very cognition and existence isn't "traditional" which is a word I saw you use. Idk. Did that register as an attack on your ideals or something? I'm not assuming. I'm genuinely asking why you engaged with such vitriol.

In this case, its worth pointing out that If she's was a man she'd never get laid in a trillion years. I find it curious that women are so privileged they can literally invent new type of relationships to suit their illnesses; and I reject the idea that me asking questions about it betrays my meanness.

You can ask questions. Your questioning style was derisive. And it appeared intentionally so. I've seen you question in a less "i don't respect this" manner, so I know you know the difference.

Anyway, you can do what you want.

[–]geyges1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Are you upset that I make OPs

I'm sure I would be if I read them.

assuming she has autism...She never mentioned autism once.

Well except she literally said "since I'm autistic" directly above the comment that you responded to. I didn't mention it before she brought it up.

very measured breakdown of her relationship

someone can come up with very measured breakdown of a holocaust, it doesn't make it any more rational or immune to criticism.

Did that register as an attack on your ideals or something? I'm not assuming. I'm genuinely asking why you engaged with such vitriol.

Well for one, yes it certainly does attack my ideals.... along with my understanding for how human relationships generally function.

For two, there was very little vitriol, derision and attacks going on. Just some very mild mocking of an unusual sexual relationship, and only to see if she understood how ridiculous what she's was saying was.

Pragmautism is a good joke that she took well.

[–]GridReXX1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm sure I would be if I read them.

Eh. You read something of mine for you to have that response you replied to me with. So pretend I said comments and not OPs.

Well except she literally said "since I'm autistic" directly above the comment that you responded to. I didn't mention it before she brought it up.

My bad missed that.

All the same, you seemed to mock it whilst just before admonishing me for times you thought I was meanie wrt those with autism. It doesn't add up, but perhaps it does to you.

someone can come up with very measured breakdown of a holocaust, it doesn't make it any more rational or immune to criticism.

Dude. I don't care about feedback, or challenging views, or criticism. The mode in which you initiated and continued critique was bitchy. Prior to any jokes about autism. That's what I'm highlighitng. It wasn't as if she was being bitchy or offensive to any particular group or you in her comments to warrant that.

Well for one, yes it certainly does attack my ideals.... along with my understanding for how human relationships generally function.

I figured as much. You can ask questions without being an ass.

For two, there was very little vitriol, derision and attacks going on. Just some very mild mocking of an unusual sexual relationship, and only to see if she understood how ridiculous what she's was saying was.

Yah. That's subjective. You were mocking. You don’t determine how that's perceived especially if your intent was... to mock. Which you've admitted it was. That's how these things work.

And of course, feel free to mock and proceed as you do. But, like I said. It was just interesting considering you've admonished ppl when you perceived them as doing just this.

Very "For me not for thee"

Pragmautism is a good joke that she took well.

How fortunate. Not the point.

[–]geyges1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

You read something of mine for you to have that response you replied to me with.

Maybe I'm just an asshole to everyone, and have no personal animus towards you at all.

whilst just before admonishing me for times you thought I was meanie wrt those with autism.

I honestly don't think I ever did that. I'd need to know the context, but I literally have no clue what you're referring to.

The mode in which you initiated and continued critique was bitchy.

I don't think I ever complained about anyone here being bitchy or uncivil.

I care if they don't attempt to put forward any argument at all. Like recently nessaea-blue was just saying "you're wrong" in her comment. I called her out.

We already went over specific issue I have with you in particular

It's not anyone being impolite that that EVER pissed me off. It's inability to either articulate their position or back it up with some common sense reasoning. This is what I perceive to be offensive.

[–]GridReXX1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Maybe I'm just an asshole to everyone, and have no personal animus towards you at all.

Perhaps. If you're an ass to everyone, then you should be used to people having an issue with being ass'd upon. That's not how most folks go about their day.

I honestly don't think I ever did that. I'd need to know the context, but I literally have no clue what you're referring to.

Perhaps it's the below comment you linked. I'll discuss it there.

I don't think I ever complained about anyone here being bitchy or uncivil.

Ah. You're okay with that. You're not okay with other things. I'm just trying to assess clarity.

We already went over specific issue I have with you in particular

Yeah and we disagreed with this claim of yours: "you never deeply examine your presuppositions or skeptically analyze your assertions before making them"

We engaged an exhaustive thread about that, which you just linked. I'm still not sure how you can even assert that I don't examine my presuppositions. But, alas. I've explained myself in that thread already.

It's not anyone being impolite that that EVER pissed me off.

The CAPS case here makes me think that because you don't get offended by it others shouldn't? Or perhaps you're simply emphasizing it doesn't bother you? Or who knows?

I'm highlighting that, that's cool, but perhaps it bothers others.

It reminds me when you said "Yet you chose to tell me to fuck off. Something... btw that I'VE NEVER DONE TO YOU."

But you've engaged in ways with me that aren't pleasant at all. So it's not like you haven't "done to me" in a way that offended me. Perhaps you don't register it as such or think everyone is just like you idk.

It's inability to either articulate their position or back it up with some common sense reasoning.

She articulated her reasoning. You didn't understand that perspective and instead of respectfully asking clarifying questions to better align with how you conceive, you went into full attack bitchy mode. And I guess that's your thing. Have at it. I get it now.

This is what I perceive to be offensive.

Duly noted. Others find things you find normal "offensive."

[–]geyges1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

The CAPS case here

you're making some allegations about me admonishing you and others about certain behavior that you think I am myself exhibiting. I don't know what that behavior is, just making it clear that its not impoliteness I take offense in. In fact I find impoliteness quite humorous.

But you've engaged in ways with me that aren't pleasant at all.

I personally find our conversations very pleasant even if impolite, alas I can't control how you feel about them.

Perhaps you don't register it as such or think everyone is just like you idk.

It's probably that, and also me not wanting to dance around on eggshells

She articulated her reasoning.

yea. after I beat it out of her. Which, dare I say made her a better person because she started noticing that same behavior in others and taking offense to it as well.

[–]GridReXX2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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I explained why I think these are important. They denote whether the person in question has a normal sexuality for his/her gender. It is important for 80+% of the topics here that deal with what each gender finds attractive.

If you think there is something else that men could put that would be similarly important , I have no issue to hear what and why.

A man being non-straight wasn’t even on the list. If he’s on this sub I assume he cares about attracting women or maintaining a relationship with a woman.

You shouldn't. There plenty of gay dudes here.

For that reason, it’s best to start your own personal tagging system and start making tags when ppl say stuff so you don’t forget.

I already explained why that's the worst option. We already out our pill color in our flair, I don't think adding the things I mentioned , if you fall into these categories, is unreasonable.

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how is autism a measure of sexuality?

How oh how.

In a survey of nearly 2,400 adults, researchers found that those with autism were three to nine times more likely to identify as homosexual, asexual or "other."

The things that cause someone to develop autism also affect other things, sexuality one of them. It alters your thinking patterns.

how is bi an outlier?

that they are less than 3% of the general population for one.

The things that cause a woman to identify as bi are things that make her likely to have a different sexuality. Probably some hormone imbalance.

But like I said, I am somewhat hesitant to put bi there because most women are kinda bi. Still think it's a good idea however.

Age, libido, BC, appearance, nationality, etc are great indicators of sexuality too. Why not those?

Because their effect is relatively minimal. An old man is still a man with normal male sexuality, even if his testosterone levels have dropped somewhat.The effect isn't drastic enough to make him an outlier. Same with the other stuff

[–][deleted]2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]TheJim661 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Age doesn't affect men so much, but it affect women a lot due to menopause and fertility limits.

True but I assume when post menopausal women talk about their attraction and sexuality they refer to how they were pre-menopause. I think it's a reasonable assumption.

BC can wreck a woman's libido and stop sexual behavior.

Yes, but it doesn't change their sexuality to a significant degree.They are still (mostly) attracted to the same things. The loss in libido is something that they are aware is due to BC so I doubt it affects their beliefs much. I could be wrong on this one however. I didn't put it on the list originally because it's not used much in my country and because it's effect depend on the type of BC.

Nationality is a VERY minor influence. There are some differences in mean testosterone levels but it's minor and some superficial differences (prefers blondes over brunettes level differences) . But it's an irrelevant factor, men in Saudi Arabia have the same sexuality men in Brazil have. Differences in sexual behavior aren't due to differences in sexuality but due to laws and culture.

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There's no convincing myself it's realistic. I think I'm displaying a fairly strong confidence in my understanding of what RP is and it's reflection of reality.

And the "silly pill" thing is just a vessel for the ideas, it came from the idea of the film the Matrix where a red pill wakes you up to the reality and blue pill puts you in the dream world.

And yes they are questions that people ask day to day... But they are questions a lot of men have asked and come together to answer in great analytical detail because for the most part men communicate solutions to each other in a very logical analytical manner with the goal of producing the best results possible in the most realistic way. We don't comfort or lie to each other, we identify problems and try to deal with it regardless of how bitter the solution or reality may be.

TRP has helped a lot of beta Billy's wake up to why they keep getting treated like a joke and treated on.

Trads and incles and whoever else decides to echo TRP or latch onto it has nothing to do with TRP itself, nobody is advocating what they do

[–][deleted]1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Fair enough. I don’t subscribe to pills but blue pill is what I’ve seen irl and it suits me so there’s not much to say here. Your reality is what you make it out to be but none of these pills are a reflection of anything except a congregation of very specific individual experiences. Which makes sense right, people within a certain pedigree gravitate towards these pills which is telling. But they’re still limited individual experiences.

And if you ask me, all pill ideas put you in a dream world lmao because they’re so given to passing blanket knowledge with very little room for debate and discussion outside of the echo chamber. TRP men in particular are very adamant in their beliefs, a blue pill person might admit some TRP facts but they’d never do the same. These questions on attraction, dating, life, philosophy have been debated since the beginning of the times. TRP in its entirely is about as realistic as blue pill or a black pill or a purple pill. They’re all ideologies, a cult in a way. A religion sometimes. Atleast that’s how some pill people act on it. The ideal way to live is to cherry-pick rational ideas from all these.

[–]Artistic_Guest43861 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–][deleted]2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Ah, the luxury of being a woman.

In my country, women often get acid thrown on their faces if they reject men’s advances. Or they’re gang raped at gunpoint. There’s also a pretty thriving dowry culture here which has often lead to married women being harassed and then eventually murdered by their in laws if they don’t cave into their demands. This is pretty much of the top of my head and that’s me ignoring the constant harassment and threats women face here. And more. A lot of lucrative things come to mind but I’d save that.

What a privileged existence, wanna switch positions with me?

Don’t deliberately misinterpret me, I’m blue pill because despite all this I’m an optimistic person and I see the good in people. If I was smarter, then I’d probably be better off not interacting with men in my society at all.

[–]Artistic_Guest43861 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–][deleted]1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

But I literally just told you how nightmarish dating and marriage is for some women…?

I think men have a very singular perspective. You think getting 100 guys in my DM’s is easy dating for me ignoring the fact that most of them are straight up weirdos sending dick picks or looking for a quick lay or being rude in general like, that’s not the abundance of options you think it is. Men only want sex and they project this onto women.

Women are different than men. We don’t enjoy unsolicited attention from men, we don’t enjoy men pestering us for hookups. We don’t enjoy men being pushy and/or creepy and we have our preferences too. Men refuse to acknowledge that OLD isn’t the amazing experience for women you think it is!! Most women are unhappy with these apps because the number of weirdos on these apps far outnumber the good guys. This is why the chat to date conversion rate is so low. Having more options doesn’t always mean quality options and the validation aspect of it runs out pretty fast when you realise that men would fuck a warm hole in the ground if they could 🤡 I’ve got plenty of matches and I don’t feel anymore special or anything lmfao.

I’ll admit, I’m a privileged woman. Where I live, I’m pretty much in the upper middle class of the society and I’m a reasonably attractive person. I do get attention and a lot of it is from desirable men too but that isn’t all by virtue of being women, that’s by virtue of being attractive and having status too. Ugly or average women don’t have any more advantage in dating than your regular Joe unless you count the creepy guys just looking to fuck them and dump them. They face rejections and get ignored at places. Now, if you make a case for the average women being more attractive and well maintained than the average man then I’ll be more inclined to agree with you.

TLDR: Most of what men talk about here is attractiveness and status privilege than just female privilege. That’s an oversimplification.

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Interesting, maybe it's dependent on how analytical and realistic a human being is then, or a general sense of idealism in BP people.

I see lots of "blue pill" examples in real life.... Happy "average" couples.... Fat/short guys getting girlfriends etc....

And I suppose a BP person sees that and goes oh, look, variety and a con tradiction of what RP says about attraction..... But as an RP guy.... When you scrutinise these average couples...when you question it and observe it closer.... The less shiny the reality comes... The RP truths start seeping out of the cracks.... Maybe the average couple aren't so happy after all.... Turns out she Is cheating....turns out that fat guy is dominant as hell in the bedroom and treats her like shit and she loves the alpha behaviour..... Turns out that short guy is with a girl who is pretty on the outside but has mental illness, or is also cheating.... Etc etc

I don't think I've taken a second look at a BP example of gender dynamics in real life and Not found the RP answer to it.

[–][deleted]3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

If you try hard enough you can make everything fir your agenda. Flat-earthers do believe that everything that contradicts their idea is a lie and they do believe that they somehow proved that the Earth is in fact flat. The same can be said about antivaxxers. With TRP it's harder as they mix more or less accurate data and things that do work with overgeneralizations, misinterpreted studies and their own bias and bad experience.

I don't think I've taken a second look at a BP example of gender dynamics in real life and Not found the RP answer to it.

I think you can hear pretty much the same thing from some people who believe into urine therapy or homeopathy. Or from a very religious person who thinks that everyone should just accept their God and pray. If a person is deep into some kind of movement/belief systems, it's rather hard for them to see that there are some weak spots in their ideas.

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[–]AerieIll37072 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Anyone here read Models by Mark Manson? its basically considered the fundamentals by r/seduction (which is basically TRP Lite<sup>TM</sup>)

It basically takes TRP observations including evol psych, cuts out all its ugly observations on women and creates a workable model based around being honest with women and thus finding the "right" woman for you. where TRP focuses on pure numbers, given ugly truths of intersexual dynamics

There's a lot of legitimately useful content mixed with some wishful thinking. Useful read for anyone deep in the anger phase who need some balance.

Couple of interesting ideas include:

- Men who have "it" are non-needy ( which is basically TRPs concept of frame)

- Strength in vulnerability and showing emotion to women in such a way that creates emotional connection (but nothing about appearing weak, which is somewhere those unfamiliar with RP will undoubtedly misinterpret)

- Subcommunication - self explanatory, he says women arent crazy or irrational they simply read intentions and emotions behind what we're saying (again its wishful at best, naive at worst)

- uses evol psych to explain his model - but then labels talk of hypergamy (and other RP stuff) as narcissism because apparently its not real and used as a way to abuse women

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[–]Special-Armadillo-993 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Subcommunication - self explanatory, he says women arent crazy or irrational they simply read intentions and emotions behind what we're saying (again its wishful at best, naive at worst)

This is precisely why they are crazy and irrational lmfao.

Sometimes, people just say what they mean. Especially men. There's no hidden meaning, no da Vinci code for you to decipher. Just words intentionally spoken with no other motives then to convey exactly what the words themselves mean..

This is why women are so miserable. This is why relationship counselors have to hammer home to women that they must communicate directly and openly. It's such a foreign concept to women to speak genuinely that they can't even comprehend men do not engage in their ridiculous double speak emotional interpretation nonsense

[–]PeskyHijinks3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

This is absolutely true. Most men don't communicate based on subtext or subcommunications. Women are often looking several levels below the surface for intended meaning, when it often doesn't exist at all, especially when communicating with men. This has been a constant issue in pretty much all of my relationships with women. Even my current lady, who has known me for a long time, often has to settle herself down and remind herself I'm just saying exactly what I think, and there's no hidden depths.

I don't know if it makes women crazy, but their general methods of communication are just fundamentally different. Of course exceptions abound, as they always do, but men and women do communicate much differently. I can understand the advantages of the way women tend to communicate, but I find it tedious and emotionally exhausting for the most part.

In general I appreciate directness and not beating around the bush or searching for hidden meaning.

[–]GridReXX2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

It’s hard for women to do that because without fail there’s always a depth. People aren’t SIMS who do things because an AI built it or a 12 year old overlord wills it. There’s usually rationale, whether unconscious and unpacked or top of mind but not willing to disclose.

What women should do is stop pressing for men to unpack and simply let them be and respect what they’re willing to or able to share and articulate at the time being.

This is going to be hard for women because when he finally comes around and states XYZ, she’s annoyed by the time wasted in between where they could have been more productive making decisions based off this “new insight” he just had or just disclosed but that she saw coming months ago.

Men call this “women’s intuition.” It isn’t even that deep. She’s simply processing changes in mood, emotions, and behavior and since we’re human she knows those things don’t just happen “randomly.”

[–]PeskyHijinks1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Hmm interesting take. I appreciate your reply, especially as one of the sanest people here.

I'm not entirely sure I agree with you that there is always a level of depth. Of course everyone has a reason (for good or ill) for what they do. But that doesn't mean levels of depth are implied in communication. For example, I might say, "I had a really awful day today so I need a few hours of alone time to unwind and process in my nothing box." But what she hears instead is, "He sees me as a fundamentally stressful element in his life and wants to be away from me when he is stressed out, and that likely also means xyz..." When, no, it doesn't mean any of that. It literally means exactly what was said.

I don't experience life as a woman, so I will have to take your word for it, but from where I am standing there is very rarely a level of depth beyond the surface of what I convey.

I've had this discussion a hundred times with my male freinds, and they all pretty much experience the same communication errors with women. Is it possible a lot of men are communicating subtext and deeper meaning all the time? Quite possibly, yes. But I really can't imagine that's the norm.

I think so much of men and women's problems in relationships (after the dating nonsense) is that they don't want to acknowledge the other person just fundamentally communicates differently. And of course every individual is different as well.

But I agree that women should respect how men want to communicate (as long as they are being reasonable adults and not holding it against women later, in which case, screw that guy). Men also have to respect that women will read subtext into everything. In my own relationships, I respect it, but I don't go out of my way to interpret everything I say in every possible configuration. I'm at the point in my life and age where it's really more their problem then mine if they want to go nuts and find something to be hurt about.

With the notable exception of my significant other. But even then I'll still sometimes not talk at all rather than deal with stress of thinking through every possible permutation of how my statements can be interpreted. But there's a reason I'm a love him or detest him person I guess. Haha.

[–]GridReXX2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Hmm interesting take. I appreciate your reply, especially as one of the sanest people here.

haha, thanks!

I'm not entirely sure I agree with you that there is always a level of depth. But that doesn't mean levels of depth are implied in communication.

By depth, I don't mean childhood trauma. although, maybe that’s their depth?

I mean this:

Of course everyone has a reason (for good or ill) for what they do

Wrt this scenario:

For example, I might say, "I had a really awful day today so I need a few hours of alone time to unwind and process in my nothing box."

This is perfect. And reasonable. But I'm not convinced most ppl even articulate that much tbh. That's not been my experience.

But what she hears instead is, "He sees me as a fundamentally stressful element in his life and wants to be away from me when he is stressed out, and that likely also means xyz..." When, no, it doesn't mean any of that. It literally means exactly what was said.

For the women who do this, it's likely because he always needs to decompress when she's around, but she's noticed not so much with others.

And so, perhaps there is a there there ?

Or she's noticed he always needs to decompress. At which point she should clarify with him, is this something you always have to do, or am I causing any of it? If he says, not it's just how I've always been. She should lay it to rest. See! Communication.

I think so much of men and women's problems in relationships (after the dating nonsense) is that they don't want to acknowledge the other person just fundamentally communicates differently. And of course every individual is different as well.

Yep! But I don't think this is just on "women." I think men need to realize it too and thus hetero couples where this is a common occurrence need to sit, level-set, mutually introspect and learn to work within the frame of how the other communicates and shares. This means both parties need to compromise.

[–]GridReXX3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Lots of dudes say “I’m fine” and are moody and passive aggressive and pouty.

His friends and partner don’t have to read the subtext. It’s screaming in their faces and he’s souring the mood of all around him.

If he was that communicative and “said what he meant” he would say “I’m in a pissy mood. My bad. I don’t feel like going into right now. Maybe later. Can’t promise it though.”

Now the counter would be “women don’t want to hear the truth”

My counter is men would get really annoyed if every time his girlfriend was in a bad mood and didn’t explain why she said “I’m annoyed and don’t want to talk about it.” Eventually this becomes suffocating and most ppl would be like “cool” and start mentally exiting the relationship for someone who reasonably communicates or doesn’t have so much angst around opening up.

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[–]houstongradengineer2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

women arent crazy or irrational they simply read intentions and emotions behind what we're saying (again its wishful at best, naive at worst)

How is this wishful or naive? Women make assumptions based on experience. If you had to be told how to dress and where not to go just to avoid getting blamed for your own assault, you might start to make some speedy assumptions, too. We have to read people to survive, or at least to thrive.

because apparently its not real and used as a way to abuse women

Commenting at women like me about how shitty women's nature is and AWALT can be is pretty rude, and I can see how this would be construed as borderline abusive, though that's taking the term too lightly in my book. I'll just say that generalizing about any group of people is rude and potentially harmful. I'm sure you've read enough posts on TRP to see that talk if hypergamy CAN definitely, often be narcissistic. More importantly: what good does it do anyone to blab on and on about it even if it's true? The overall recommendation to remove "hypergamy" from your vocabulary is pretty sound. Talk about specific aftionabke strategies, not traits that HAVE to be associated with AWALT. Even you can see that's not a good look.

[–]AerieIll37071 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

How is this wishful or naive? Women make assumptions based on experience. If you had to be told how to dress and where not to go just to avoid getting blamed for your own assault, you might start to make some speedy assumptions, too. We have to read people to survive, or at least to thrive.

That's not what subcommunication is - the context here is you're with the person already

I will never berate women for taking precautions for their safety and understand the real threat of sexual violence women face

Commenting at women like me about how shitty women's nature is and AWALT can be is pretty rude, and I can see how this would be construed as borderline abusive, though that's taking the term too lightly in my book. I'll just say that generalizing about any group of people is rude and potentially harmful. I'm sure you've read enough posts on TRP to see that talk if hypergamy CAN definitely, often be narcissistic. More importantly: what good does it do anyone to blab on and on about it even if it's true? The overall recommendation to remove "hypergamy" from your vocabulary is pretty sound. Talk about specific aftionabke strategies, not traits that HAVE to be associated with AWALT. Even you can see that's not a good look

Hypergamy is very real and men need to be familiar with it.

The fact that not all men can process these truths in a healthy way is an understandable concern

[–]houstongradengineer1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

That's not what subcommunication is - the context here is you're with the person already

Even with a person, sometimes subcommunication is a necessary thing. Men will keep women in fruitless relationships for ages, talk about us behind our backs, etc. It's up to us to analyze the relationship based on all available details. We must akways keep considering things beneath the surface, even in a marriage. I'm married 3 years, and I'll give that advice to anyone (but probably more applicable to females than males).

Hypergamy is very real and men need to be familiar with it.

What men need to be familiar with is actionable advice, vetting tools, and following their instincts. Men do not need to be aware of some preconceived female nature hivemind, which doesn't exist in any form by the way. Is that not a good way to resolve the concern of men taking hypergamy talk, or other RP talk, too far?

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Good question tbh.

I’ll answer for myself: I don’t believe in organised religion but I believe in morals, the innate ones that I have for myself and the freedom to life my life as I wish. And I want the same for others. A certain idealism comes along with shunning religion. A certain self satisfaction too when you realise that your life isn’t tied to a bridge that hangs you between heaven and hell. You are free to idolise who you want, live your life as you wish, date who you want, not bound to a book or a mythical god. Life seems full of possibilities when you leave behind religious dogma tbh. I don’t identify with any pills but I like the idealism and optimism in blue pilled communities. It’s also got something to do w breaking chains and fighting back especially if you’re from a conservative family. Lots of atheists feel victorious after they leave religion, like having a sudden life changing revelation and now you’re free from your chains, often mental and spiritual ones. If you can do it then you can do anything in life. I’ve seen atheists recover from depression when they realised that their religion was the source of most of their misery.

Not sure what blue pill has got to to w science

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