What does TRP make of the fact that so many women selflessly take care of their Ill and disabled husbands?

wtknight · 2023-09-29T13:03:58+00:00

Re-flaired Question for Red Pill due to the title of the post

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-09-29T09:24:34+00:00

I do think this is the case more often than not when the sick spouse is the husband, likely because women have always been conditioned to be caretakers.

However, just a personal anecdote: My mother has a degenerative muscle disease called body inclusion myositis that is very rare, and is slowly robbing her of many aspects of her health. She is dependent on a walker, and will be wheelchair-bound likely within the year. She has trouble grasping things with her hands, and she will likely eventually need a feeding tube.

And my father has been there for my mom every single step of the way. This man accompanies her to every appointment, makes sure she is safely set up in the shower and in bed, and has taken on almost all of the household responsibilities, since she can no longer do them. He is her rock.

So, basically, that’s the only real-life example I know where one spouse is so ill that they need the other spouse to be a caretaker. There are very good men out there, though I know the statistics often show that many men don’t step up in times of health crises.

M3taBuster · 2023-09-29T07:43:04+00:00

I remember that old meme floating around on the internet like 10 years ago, that went something like "Men are easy to get, but hard to keep. Women are hard to get, but easy to keep."

I think there's a lot of truth to that. I think women can be very fiercely loyal to their long-term partners, once they've decided they're worthy/high value. But many women's standards are very high initially and they make themselves extremely unavailable to men in general.

If you actually pay attention to the complaints of most men who are struggling online, they aren't complaining about getting constantly cheated on, betrayed, or left in their time of need by a partner. Rather, they've literally never even held hands with a woman. They're asking questions like "Where can I meet women?", "How do I talk to women?", "How do I approach women?", "How do I improve my appearance?", "How do I get women to message me back?", "It's been 5 years since I've seen a woman, I'm starting to forget what they look like. Please help." etc.

99% of male dating advice centers around merely getting your goddamn foot in the door.

Schmurby · 2023-09-29T04:45:14+00:00

Are you expecting people who define their lives by resent and sexual frustration to see women as complex and nuanced individuals beings?

FairyMachine · 2023-09-29T07:39:05+00:00

TRP mostly don't believe women are capable of love.

TimeConstraints · 2023-09-29T06:35:24+00:00

(M62, married 36yrs)

Most women are honorable. Good women are not rare, not unicorns; they are the norm. Not perfect women, but good women.

TRP is about men defending themselves against against the minority of women who are not.

CombinationMore4630 · 2023-09-29T12:37:04+00:00

Real alphas don't get sick bro

LouisdeRouvroy · 2023-09-29T09:53:20+00:00

Just look at Emma Hemming Willis. She could have divorced Bruce and get child support from the estate. She's young enough to find someone else. Yet she selflessly takes care of her husband who has a forn of dementia.

You mean the employees paid by the money her husband earned take care of him...

Ludens0 · 2023-09-29T11:42:14+00:00

Cheers to those women. We live for them.

Ass-a-holic · 2023-09-29T07:11:27+00:00

Why does everyone always bring up celebrities when providing examples to prove their “point”?

They might as well live on a different planet because they’re experiences are going to be quite a bit different

abaxeron · 2023-09-29T08:05:55+00:00

Just look at [anecdote]

Uh-huh

If you go to hospitals

I will be stopped at the entrance and told that I'm not allowed into an inpatient unit.

and you rarely see the opposite.

Yeeaaaah, it's almost like pouring $trillions into women's well-being annually has resulted in them rarely needing inpatient care before the moment their husbands die of old age. PLUS the fact that almost 20 percent of marriages in the US have the wife at least 6 years younger.

Now to the horde of commenters already flocking:

"Men leave cancer wives" 2008 study has never been successfully replicated, and never tracked who initiated divorce.

Similar study on multiple sclerosis in Europe landed at the opposite result.

Most reliable studies on topic find no significant gender difference.

mrbill1234 · 2023-09-29T14:09:03+00:00

There are good people everywhere, but it is a bit of a game of Russian roulette.

Emergency_Ad_6954 · 2023-09-29T15:59:13+00:00

I’ve never once seen this happen. This is a exception to the rule.

8won6 · 2023-09-29T20:33:39+00:00

so many?

candysipper · 2023-09-29T22:47:38+00:00

Statistics prove that when a husband gets a serious illness, wives stay. When wives get serious illnesses, husbands bail. Facts.

Thal-creates · 2023-09-29T11:25:37+00:00

Exceptions exist

retal1ator · 2023-09-29T07:30:53+00:00

Look, she is likely not directly taking care of him like a poor woman would. They have massive money and help. She got everything she wanted from the marriage and enjoining a life of privilege, it’s a special case you can’t compare with regular women.

If you consider the clear threat of social judgment and changes that would entail, she doesn’t really benefit from leaving him. She will have a happier and safer time just taking care of him than leaving him.

If Wills was poor and she had to sacrifice a lot for him, without social pressures, the situation might change, but we will never know.

People in general will make choices based on convenience - very few people are sufficiently educated and moral to stick with you even in hard times. And most times people find more convenient to not mess up the status quo.

HanEyeAm · 2023-09-29T14:09:14+00:00

True, women are more often the ones to take care of their spouse later in life than the opposite. Traditionally, the way the husband supported the family through most of his adulthood was thought to balance out with the wife providing a happy home and taking care of him later in life. With women working, sometimes as the breadwinner, the traditional arrangement is less relevant, yet the husband is likely going to have health problems before the wife.

One comment, of children who are caretakers, I don't think it is overwhelmingly the daughters who take care of aging parents. Am I line of work I see a lot of family caregivers, and there are a lot of suns involved. Traditionally, the daughter will have more disposable time to help take care of a parent, but that's not the case anymore. It really depends on who lives closest and who is most responsible.

basedmama21 · 2023-09-29T11:59:45+00:00

She married for duty. Something that is becoming increasingly more rare these days. Props to her.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2023-09-29T13:43:13+00:00

"So-many"???? Where? India? Lol. Not in the west.

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2023-09-29T14:23:13+00:00

Because they don’t anymore in the way they might have in times past. Our world is littered with stories of women walking away from average men in hard times because they now have options. Pointing to individual honorable instances does not negate today’s overall picture. Sure it’s wives and daughters in the hospitals because the men are working and providing for their families and often cannot take time off.

In your specific example Emma likely may have been a good woman but she was also receiving massive status and positive publicity by being the loyal wife on top of the wealth. So there was a benefit she received for being the martyr.

Elonine · 2023-09-29T13:16:18+00:00

My dad had a stroke. Out of work for a year, so my mom had to go to work to pay the bills. And that's the story of how I got a step-dad!

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-29T13:28:37+00:00

“He’s rich,” “I’m sure they hire caretakers,” blah blah blah… yes, but how about all the normal women who do the same? I know some men do as well, but in many cases they leave, or if they stay, it is a female family member who actually does most of the caretaking.

Realistically, people can be both ruthless and opportunistic and loving and altruistic. Different people fall on different points of this spectrum. TRP focuses just on the former and refuses to acknowledge the latter for women. I see value in acknowledging the reality of the darker side of humanity, but the main goal should be to avoid such people and find the good ones. A lot of TRP advice seems to do the opposite, you’re going to attract the most unhinged women who are seeking money and status and respond to sociopathic behavior, and repel the rest. And thereby have your opinions of women confirmed.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2023-09-29T11:58:11+00:00

For every one woman like this I can find five who left their husband the second they ended up unemployed.

purplish_possum · 2023-09-29T13:34:41+00:00

LOL! The days of women selflessly taking care of sick/disabled/dying men are long gone.

My 2nd ex-wife decided she wanted a divorce the same day I was diagnosed with a heart condition.

Saitama1993 · 2023-09-29T08:24:11+00:00

Oh hey TRP ! Look at the 0.0000001% exception, how does that not define the majority who divorce you at the slightest bump in the road, take half of your shit and make you pay alimony and child support? See, you redpilled hypocrites 😇

macone235 · 2023-09-29T05:04:11+00:00

I mean, they're rich. I doubt she's taking care of him, and she's probably banging other guys on the side anyways.

There's a lot of nuance in this topic that a lot of women ignore when they bring it up as some sort of gotcha.

Even if she is acting nobly, Bruce Willis is still (or at least was) a rich Chad 23 years her senior, and she's gotten all she needs from him already - his genes, his money, security via money. It's not like this woman married some dork, and is now taking care of his dementia. If anything, this just proves hypergamy is the only way that a woman can bond with a man.

No-Seaworthiness959 · 2023-09-29T08:09:28+00:00

I am not redpill but you need to consider that women are much less likely to get into relationships with men who are disabled (i.e. "weak" or "needy" in their minds) in the first place. It seems to be the other way around for men. Men are much more accepting of partners with disabilities, but men more often will leave their hitherto healthy woman more readily.

Ohmaygahh · 2023-09-29T14:52:22+00:00

I remember reading a story about a longterm girlfriend discovering she had a terminal illness, and having her final months of life in the hospital. Her boyfriend tried his best to be there for her whilst trying to handle the immediate stressors of having to pass important school exams. This boyfriend loved, and cared for her.

One day he walks in to her room and she isn't there. She is curled up in another bed, embracing another guy in his room down the hall, who also had a terminal illness.

This girl felt more connected and amourous with a stranger of a few weeks than her long term relationship of 9 years.

The boyfriend of course was distraught, and broken with the situation. What a waste of time and emotional energy for him. I believe both his girlfriend and the new lover died a few weeks later. The boyfriend was left a shell of himself trying to digest the meaning and impact of whatever relationship he thought he had.

This is just scratching the surface of a woman's disloyalty towards their long term partners. It's stories like this that remind me ... women should always be secondary or worse in a man's life. A woman should never be a focal central point in a man's life.

BeReady6129 · 2023-09-29T05:15:25+00:00

If women were as ruthless and opportunistic as TRP says then surely we wouldn't be seeing so many cases like these

No one has claimed that. This is like a guy claiming "If women are all good and angels as BluePill say then why do you see women leaving their ill and disabled husbands?'

Workaholiconew · 2023-09-29T11:50:10+00:00

That it takes a very difficult situation for a woman to remember that a man sacrificed years of his life to get and maintain her.

Ive seen it first hand. My mother was a demon for my father since Ive been born. And never did anything willingly to him... but he pushed himself because he wanted me and my siblings to be happy and grow strong.

She would make his (and our) lives hell for decades until my father found out he had cancer and probably would die. Suddenly it got into her thick head that he had a value. That he sacrificed his whole life to her and her kids and she paid back by mistreated him for years.

She finally understood that the moment father died or was divorced, everyone in our family (including her children, parents brother and sisters) would abandom her because we disliked her...

Women dont see you as valuable unless you are a foot from getting away. That remains true even in ltrs.

BigZaddyZ3 · 2023-09-29T05:03:54+00:00

When does Redpill say that women are ruthless and opportunistic at every moment of their life?

Some-Parsnip-1551 · 2023-09-29T20:21:31+00:00

Do not expect a feminist or high n count woman to take care of you in illness. It's virtually impossible for them to take a moralistic and ethical stance in life.

lacuti3 · 2023-09-29T04:55:23+00:00

Women stay with ill/disabled husbands because they don’t have to sleep with them lol. Hard to find that in a guy.

They get all of his money & assets if they wait until he dies. Divorce only takes half.

Barely-moral · 2023-09-29T11:07:35+00:00

Easy. Don't believe it is selfless.

DoubleSomewhere2483 · 2023-09-29T15:22:23+00:00

I have never heard of a man abandoning his wife upon finding out he will have to be her caretaker. Women do that pretty consistently. Women can stop loving their partner in a matter of seconds. Men can’t just abandon someone they love that easily.

KingOfTheIncels_ · 2023-09-29T17:30:06+00:00

Im not sure if I count but I think it's sweet. Most women are good people. I think it's unfortunate that men are more likely to not do the same.

El-Carretero · 2023-09-29T04:53:53+00:00

Well they could still be waiting for him to drop because they can't get his resources till then. Or they could simply be good wives. It's rare today but that's how respectable women of the past used to be.

If you go to hospitals it's almost entirely wives and daughters taking care of their husbands and fathers and you rarely see the opposite.

Well that's because men die first. Other instances the men have to work because they still need to provide. They don't always have the luxury of spending time with sick family. It's not something he wants to do, it's a sacrifice he makes for his family. One that's hard for him to make, but he has to do what he has to do. One of the many responsibilities that men have.

Ainsleygz · 2023-09-29T04:44:12+00:00

He’s a Chad

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Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-09-29T13:36:31+00:00

She's 45, I'm not even red-pilled that much but even I know that's post-wall.

Also, yes love is possible, and caring about someone.

It doesn't mean she doesn't get sex elsewhere, nor would I condemn her for it.

LogicalLetterhead272 · 2023-09-29T15:33:19+00:00

I'd question your premise in the first place. I don't think women are taking care of their sick spouses any more often than men are.

And the "red pill" means different things for different people, there's no consensus as to what it really means, but to me it means that if I'm willing to take care of a sick wife, I deserve a women who would also be willing to take care of me when I'm sick.

catwatchwsmyshame · 2023-09-29T16:02:01+00:00

You are free to leave your husband when he becomes ill to even the odds, no one is stopping you.

Hoopy223 · 2023-09-29T16:21:04+00:00

Lol another low energy bluepill post.

Character and honor are not gender specific.

I’ve personally known women who left husbands when they were dying. One of them went through a horrible divorce while he was in the hospital dying of cancer.

Oh I just remembered another one, a guy I worked with became paralyzed from the waist down. His wife left him and took the kids to marry a guy who ended up banging one of her daughters. So yeah…some people are just shit regardless of gender.

GoneHippocamping_ · 2023-09-29T17:33:14+00:00

It is more probably due to societal and religious conditioning of women in seeing this as noble and praiseworthy. Society's moral rules and religion always helped tone down the hypergamy, and their loss these days is leading to the 'unfettered' hypergamy we see these days.

2023-09-29T21:14:01+00:00

Cuz they want that life insurance policy obviously

Mr_Vaynewoode · 2023-09-30T00:31:50+00:00

Well, contrary to what you might think we don't see women as demonic monsters. People like me just want honesty when it comes down to sexual maket value and mate selection.

I guess a more cynical take on these relationships would be that women are only as loyal as their perceived options, and they don't see a viable opportunity to leave / they dont want to sacrifice their cut of inheritance.

I would also point out that a woman taking care of a sick man is less likely to see the guy in a sexual light, so the relationship is probably suboptimal for him as well. As a man, I am physically repulsed by female pity because it is often laced with contempt.

eaazzy_13 · 2023-09-30T04:08:32+00:00

My exes mom had MS. She had health problems her whole life. It affected not only her physical body, but her mind as well. She was super impulsive and could just be kinda crazy for small periods of time at any moment.

Her husband also had health issues, heart problems and was on dialysis for kidney failure. For a decade+ his health was failing. Despite this, he spent his whole life caring for his wife and their kids.

Eventually the wife died suddenly. They were informed suddenly that she only had a few days left to live, out of the blue.

The husband cared for her by her bedside her final days. He always said the only reason he fought through heart surgeries and dialysis and comas and all the terrible things he had endured, was to care for his wife. That was his motivation.

Within 48 hours of his wife dying, he went home, laid in bed, and died himself.

I don’t have a point to make here, I just wanted to share this beautiful display of humanity and love I experienced because I think about it often.

To answer your question, I think women are more likely to assume roles like this because they have been conditioned to take a caretaker role. And also are biologically inclined to care for the weak/young/ill.

betanoire · 2023-09-30T09:40:35+00:00

Doubt it. Emma is rich and doesn't need the child support. Dementia gets things over with rather quickly, so she'll be back in the dating game in no time. As for seeing mostly women in hospitals taking care of their husbands and dads, that's because their husbands/dads haven't hit 60 yet and their bodies are already failing like the disposable, overworked meat suits that they are. Plus traditional gender roles haven't really been eliminated in Western countries, so most of those women have more time to tend to family matters, probably on their husband's dime.

No-Victory-9096 · 2023-09-30T15:09:51+00:00

It depends on the age of the people involved, on whether the man is more attractive than the girl, or whether or not they have children already etc...

Old_Speed_7861 · 2023-10-02T19:18:04+00:00

Bruce Willis was an average man?

Title	What does TRP make of the fact that so many women selflessly take care of their Ill and disabled husbands?
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	62
Comments	260
Date	September 29, 2023 4:36 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16v22ab/what_does_trp_make_of_the_fact_that_so_many_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-does-trp-make-of-the-fact-that-so-many-women.1233374 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233374

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