Have you witnessed the 80/20 thing for women IRL?

Filmguy000 · 2024-07-31T07:38:42+00:00

Oh yeah. Definitely knew about the 80/20 thing since before it was a "thing". I really began to notice it in my college years. I would go to lots of kickbacks/parties/events and it almost became tiring for my friends and I. Because we would show up and start to mingle, but then one or several hot guys would walk in, and we would almost instantly be blown off by the women. There were even times where girls would show up to the parties and once the hotter guys either paired off or bounced, they would just leave the party in disappointment and either go home or try another party. Meanwhile us normal schmucks would kind of just sit there beer in hand looking defeated and the only girls that were left were there with their boyfriends. Fuck I hated dating those years.

Innocent_boi_77 · 2024-07-31T03:16:39+00:00

Always, infact I never seen this thing not working.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2024-07-31T06:43:40+00:00

It’s less than 20% of men, actually. If you said it was 1%, you might be closer to the truth. The percent of men that really drive women crazy is less than 1%.

I’ve known maybe 2 or 3 guys that are basically to women what women are to men. I had a buddy I used to work with at a small mom & pop restaurant. He was actually a part time model for a big clothing brand. The amount of sexual harassment he was subject to was insane. This was pre-2010, so no one had any really concept of what female on male sexual impropriety looked like.

The girls we worked with were constantly trying to fuck him. One girl invited him to her dorm “just to talk”, and oblivious fool that he was, he accepted. When he got there, her and her dorm mates got him drunk and fucked him. Another girl we worked with broke down and cried after she found out about that incident. I thought it was because she felt genuine concern for his wellbeing. Nope. She was jealous of the other girl.

The dude was subject to constant groping from customers, propositions, catcalls, you name it. The girls we worked with were always trying to get him to come to their dorms or get him alone after work, their own relationship status notwithstanding. I don’t think I ever saw a single interaction he had with a woman that wasn’t his sister that wasn’t an attempt by the woman to somehow, in some way, open the door for a sexual liaison between her and him. It was insane.

That’s why I don’t believe in “responsive sexual desire” as conventionally understood. I think responsive desire is just what happens when someone isn’t physically attracted to his/her partner. It’s more common in women because they have much higher threshold for sexual attraction because they have lower testosterone levels. That’s it. That “responsive desire” evaporates when the guy looks good enough.

thedarkracer · 2024-07-31T03:38:48+00:00

We saw it irl not online. Dating apps did all but confirm it. Top 20 get casual by just existing. Their dating life is similar to a woman’s dating life who is a 5. Seen it since school. There are factors which also push for this rule namely hypergamy and mate copying.

Women do go for bottom 80 but it's only like later in life when they give up on chads who don't wanna settle or think with their brain instead of their heart aka feelings to get the better option. Still it is these bottom guys who usually end up in dead bedrooms and less intimacy as their SO didn't want them as her first choice.

Hot_Lack_4868 · 2024-07-31T02:21:08+00:00

Seen a lot of times . My friend has slept with lot of "good married women" who at first glance you'll think are most loyal women but turned out before meeting him they just found their options ugly .And they did more things in bed with him than their husband in yrs and they even buy things for him which they never did for their husband . In my college days I remember there were 5-7 guys in our batch who slept with almost every other girl of our batch

BrainMarshal · 2024-07-31T01:38:10+00:00

In all my 50 years I have rarely seen anything else but the 80/20 rule. But the problem is you guys misinterpret how this rule plays out.

Contrary to what many have said, men who are below the top 20% aren't going totally without sex. They aren't being passed over entirely for relationships. The problem is the sex they're getting is low quality (missionary only, no blowjobs, etc.) and the LTRs they get into degrade into starfish sex or dead bedrooms very fast.

Men in the bottom 80% do get laid and they do get married. The problem is the women they're with are resentful that this was the best she could get and he will pay for that for as long as he's with her.

Also, OP: this is why men avoid speed dating events. Women who've been on video crying about not being able to get men to attend should read your post to know why.

TallFoundation7635 · 2024-07-31T05:32:41+00:00

Yes it is the same in real life as well. Doesn't matter if you are trying to date from your social circle, from cold approach, from online dating or from speed dating events. In my kickboxing gym, the women always gravitated towards the attractive dudes.

Stats only show that the reason women go after normal guys after they get older is because they are settling not because they have genuine burning desire for the man.

If the more attractive man was willing to commit, women would not even consider going after normal men.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-07-31T04:08:27+00:00

Well yeah - isn't that a tautology; the most popular people are the ones who get the most attention by definition.

I don't think that means it's over for second or third tier guys because most women realize eventually that 1 - top guys are often taken, and/or 2 - the top guys are maybe a little too used to getting what they want, and their personalities are going to reflect that to some degree.

by all means, not all women come to that conclusion though. I don't think I've ever heard a woman in this sub say that; quite the opposite, the universally expressed opinion here is that lesser guys are actually more bitter and messed up than Chad, and so the real mistake is settling for them (Brads?) thinking they would be more appreciative: not in these women's experience.

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-07-31T07:47:59+00:00

The only way to avoid the 80/20 which is fast becoming 90/10 or 95/5 for online is to be on an isolated island where the women greatly outnumber the males. Like 4-1 at least

FreitasAlan · 2024-07-31T05:47:20+00:00

Didn’t you see that like in high school?

SecondEldenLord · 2024-07-31T03:56:51+00:00

Pretty much all the time. On dating apps is even far worse, like 95/5 even. Now this is not to say that average men will never ever get a relationship, but more than likely they will be the last option for a single mother who got passed around like the towns bike. I personally never got a gf or even got considered for a one night stand at all because I am very short for a man (5'3) while other friends of mine who are far taller and better looking had no issues getting girls.

ThanosSnapsSlimJims · 2024-07-31T13:40:15+00:00

In the last week, I've seen the '80% of men are garbage' line online. I see it in person all the time at events.

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-07-31T07:37:39+00:00

Dating apps didn’t change 200,000 years of evolutionary biology and behaviour! It just highlighted the behaviour.

Hypergamy has been around forever!

Clean_Woodpecker_974 · 2024-07-31T18:24:45+00:00

I'll never forget one day during my senior year in high school. I don't even remember what class it was but the teacher asked the class to raise their hand if they had a significant other. 2 guys out of about 15 raised their hand while all 15 girls did.

Wing_Puzzleheaded · 2024-07-31T02:08:20+00:00

Watch an old Beatles concert...

wtknight · 2024-07-31T02:29:59+00:00

I've witnessed about 20% of men being able to have casual sex easily with the women who like to have it, and any men outside of this percentage struggle to have it. But a lot of these men can have sex in relationships with the women who aren't into casual sex.

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-07-31T12:53:46+00:00

80/20 is the same irl, online dating is more like 95/5

ProfessorOilNGas · 2024-07-31T04:11:58+00:00

Absolutely. If I were a woman, I would not settle for a man as unattractive in so many ways as I am. A woman who is willing to settle for me would have much lower standards than mine. Anyone with standards that low probably has a serious problem, and I prefer to avoid women with serious problems.

Again, absolutely. This realization led to my salvation. It really did. I realized that, in all probability, I could never get a woman. And even if I eventually did, that woman would never meet the threshold to make me physcially attracted to her. That's not to say I wouldn't respect and care for her as I would any person I count as a friend, but the attraction just wouldn't be there.

So? Why is this news? Well, I've been interested in trying to provide self-analysis tools to spare those who will never be able to make it romantically (some uncharitable people harshly say "loserguys") at least part of the pain chasing the unobtainable. One criticism of my "cut your losses and move on approach" is that, if one is willing to lower his standards enough, one can get somebody. My retort, however, is that, while this may be true, what those of us on the bottom of the Sexual Market Value (SMV) end up with simply will not fit the bill if our threshold of attraction is too high. In other words, if you got caviar tastes and a pizza face, you WILL NOT EVER attract a person you find attractive.

I think for people like us, this bitter pill must be swallowed, and the earlier the better. I agree with you. I think alot of the unfortunate anti-woman rhetoric one hears here comes from men suffering some kind of psychic hernia wherein they aren't facing up to the fact that, in this life at least, they will never attract a woman they find attractive. Happily, I think there is a small body of older guys with good advice to give. I'm not saying it's all good, but sound, unemotional acceptance of reality is the strong suit of age. Blaming women for being attracted to who they are attracted to, calling them shallow or worse, when it ain't you, and all the other related mysogynistic blather are bleeding these guys of time and happiness. Get busy.

DoinIt989 · 2024-07-31T03:36:53+00:00

Kind of, but not to the extent guys here claim it as dogma. For one thing, "casual sex" depends a lot on where you live. Having casual sex in a conservative area where people expect to settle down is harder than in a liberal city where people "float" a lot longer.

The other thing related to above is that there's no objective "top" 20% of men when it comes to casual sex. I'm super short so by "objective" standards, there's no way that I should have ever had casual sex, let alone even a relationship with a woman who isn't below average. Yet I have had casual sex. I have had good looking women crushing on me. I have had relationships with above average women. I've had average-to-above women hooked. I feel like it's nothing compared to some of my friends, but they're total degenerates who have also done stuff like "played in bands", "do a lot of drugs", "lived fast" in general. They're basically average height, above-average shape (but nothing crazy, they do party/drink a ton of course), average looks extremely above average charisma/social instinct, probably average money. So the typical "Red Pill guru" wouldn't necessarily consider them "top 20%".

It's definitely true that a minority of guys have most casual sex. But there's a lot of factors that go into it beyond what RPers think makes a man "top 20%". Simply "showing up" is a huge part of it, even if you're short or average looking or broke (most playboys are broke...) or whatever

ktdotnova · 2024-07-31T13:49:11+00:00

Yes... how many options do you think athletes, musicians, entertainers and other social status or highly respect profession men have...

Apex__Predator_ · 2024-07-31T08:21:35+00:00

I honestly this this is true just for that raw desire. When it comes to marriage or long term relationships, a lot of women do think with their brains and go for more average guys all the time. They can be happy with that as well.

Hefty-Lobster-5513 · 2024-07-31T06:10:00+00:00

Definitely, but many men were part of the 20% at some point.

T-Rex-The-Alpha · 2024-07-31T18:22:45+00:00

Yea, in different social hierarchies. You can’t really look at it globally, i mean you can but what’s the point of doing it? It’s there, work towards a certain higher status position or rank and observe.

Nihi1986 · 2024-07-31T21:13:29+00:00

This can be witnessed as early as highschool where most women go for the 'top' 20% (though those aren't necessarily top, mostly a certain type or style but still, usually more physically attractive and socially succesful than the others).

I have seen it and also experienced it myself... It's what it is, but it doesn't necessarily mean that the remaining 80% become totally invisible or are doomed. Average and even slightly ugly guys can find a partner too. The 20/80 thing is quite logical: most attractive people get all the attention, at least initially. Then there might be a variety of reasons why women end up dating other people too.

makeumadd · 2024-08-01T01:24:48+00:00

Overall yes, but I will agree there are outliers like any case we just shouldn't be counting them as a majority. It's not even a bad thing necessarily as it promoted competitive growth for men however it's become such an extreme that most of their goals are completely unattainable by the average man.

Patrickstarho · 2024-08-01T06:13:10+00:00

Absolutely in high school and college.

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-08-01T12:44:07+00:00

Yup. Without a doubt. TRP is harsh but also correct.

pence_secundus · 2024-08-01T12:45:51+00:00

It's just reality, Ive seen it my entire life way before redpill stuff existed on the internet.

One example that has always stood out to me was a girl I knew who always came across as a good girl until a hot guy appeared, then she would totally change her personality, it was extremely off putting and eye opening.

CraftyCooler · 2024-07-31T05:52:59+00:00

There is specific demographics that falls for Chad, smarter women are not impressed by looks only, they want whole package - including job, education, matching personality. But it doesn't mean that you can be uglier than them and make it up with other things, nope - looks is mandatory.

tiddermacss · 2024-07-31T15:37:35+00:00

women are super shallow, once they make their shallow decisions they use “love” to get men to stop making ours..

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-07-31T13:01:07+00:00

Actually no, I’ve noticed the top 0.5% physique guys attracting beautiful women with ease. Anecdotally and personally NRE and established FWB sex are the hottest. Skeptical of the idea that most guys have only gotten starfish low-energy coitus.

ktdotnova · 2024-07-31T13:56:04+00:00

Yes... if you are white, over 6'0" and you work out, by default, you are playing the game on kid's mode when it comes to dating.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2024-07-31T08:56:47+00:00

Most people in this sub interpret as 80/20 as "well I liked a girl who liked a hotter guy than me." And presented with a best option, why would one not pursue it? Especially the setting of it being a "dating event," of course everyone would try to orient their goal to be the best option. I could say the same thing about men, I've seen plenty guys chase for one hottest girl in the school, in the town, at a house party. It's normal to fond over the best.

That being said, I've seen many girls with many different dudes and they weren't the same dudes. Sure some might've happened to be with some guy who happened to be some girl's ex, but I've also seen some guys with some girls who happened to be some other guy's ex so I really don't think it's indicative of anything.

EugeneCezanne · 2024-07-31T17:08:53+00:00

Presumably, the top 20% of men are very attractive. It is normal to expect most women to be most attracted to the most attractive men. But "hot guys get more girls" isn't particularly revelatory or catchy.

But when you're out in the world enough, you see all sorts of men with all sorts of women and the logic of who actually ends up together starts breaking down immediately. 80/20-defenders often dismiss this by making assumptions about who "pursued," or that any given man who doesn't fit their stereotype must "have money," or that any woman whose choices don't conform to expectations is "settling." None of these assumptions are typically confirmable.

80/20 isn't a simple observation: it's a circular belief system designed to auto-reject any evidence to the contrary.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-07-31T02:26:54+00:00

No. This 80/20 "rule" is rule of thumb from very different area that was too convinient for red/black pill goals. To be short: it's bullshit.

pg_throwaway · 2024-07-31T04:44:18+00:00

Never seen the 80-20 rule IRL, and your example isn't proof of it either. It's an online-only phenomenon.

gunkinthewine · 2024-07-31T03:37:52+00:00

No matter the subject, if we have a choice, we try to choose the best option for ourselves.
Both men and women will try to choose the best potential partners for short-term or long-term relationships. However, we can assume that women have the upper hand compared to men in terms of selection and potential alternatives.
A large part of attractiveness is universal. Both physical and character traits can be attractive or unattractive. When we observe a group of people, we can identify who is attractive and who is not, and especially women are less diverse in their judgments.
As a result, in your real-life example or on platforms like online dating where multiple potential partners are evaluated simultaneously, women will cluster around a certain type (attractive) of man. In your example, if the goal is a one-night stand, that attractive single guy will be able to sleep with almost all the women at the event (harem theory). If the goal is a long-term relationship, the most attractive ones will pair off, leaving other women without partners. These women will then try their luck with the most attractive men at other events instead of lowering their standards and messaging you.
This is not hypergamy (refer to my first point). The 80/20 ratio is nonsense; 95/5 or 60/40 could also be valid depending on the situation. In most real-life cases, it should be around 55/45 since most people, attractive or not, are married or in a relationship.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-31T01:31:35+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Have you witnessed the 80/20 thing for women IRL?
Author	thekickeroffish
Upvotes	167
Comments	447
Date	July 31, 2024 1:31 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1egauas/have_you_witnessed_the_8020_thing_for_women_irl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-you-witnessed-the-8020-thing-for-women-irl.1525842 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525842

Comments