There’s nothing wrong with high standards.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2024-10-10T22:42:18+00:00

The problem is having high standards for superficial things and low standards for character.

krackedy · 2024-10-10T18:08:04+00:00

While I agree, I'll just say that having a large number of men in a country who feel useless and unwanted with no hope left is a potentially scary thing.

SocketLicks · 2024-10-10T18:04:48+00:00

But if I can’t blame my singleness on the people who won’t date me, I’ll have to assume the problem is with ME. And that’s not possible.

You’ll see! As soon as everyone stops having INSANE standards that disqualify me, I’d be able to date anyone.

missmireya · 2024-10-10T18:26:43+00:00

According to reddit, I'm not allowed to have high standards because I'm a 42 year old woman. I should just go rot in the corner and die already.

GrandpaDallas · 2024-10-10T18:15:33+00:00

100%

More specifically, there's nothing wrong with someone else's high standards.

It's possible that someone's own high standards may be ruining their own chances, but if I see someone else with high standards who won't date me that's not my problem, it's hers if anything. I don't care to force someone to change their view for me

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-10-10T20:06:46+00:00

Exactly I'm sub 5 but only attracted to hypersexual virgin models. I will never lower my standards and women shouldn't either.

prolixdreams · 2024-10-10T20:19:19+00:00

Certainly agree. I think people should have whatever standards matter to them, and we’d all be better off if more people worked on themselves and on enjoying their own company before trying to mesh lives with someone else.

The only caveat is if your standards are high enough that it becomes difficult or unlikely to find a match, your options are to accept being single (probably better for a lot of people) and focus on friends, family, hobbies, etc. OR alter your standards. “Complain that the people you want to date don’t want to date you” is not an option that will win you a lot of friends and admirers, especially if it’s really obvious what the issue is.

2024-10-10T19:00:55+00:00

What is considered a 'high standard' is completely subjective. I prefer shy, introverted, reserved men that are gentle and kind. My friends consider this an unrealistic and high standard because men are simply not socialised to be shy or introverted so even shy guys will put on a facade of being confident and assertive which would be a turn off for me. And shy guys are far less likely to approach or initiate, so this standard of mine could be considered 'high' but I see it differently. The standard itself is common and perhaps socially 'low' but it can be difficult to obtain. There's way more nuance to it.

AtomicMonkeyTheFirst · 2024-10-10T21:00:43+00:00

You can have whatever standards you want as long as you're not going to be hypocrititcal about other people also having high standards.

If your standards arent realistic you're going to be the one to pay.

anewlookav · 2024-10-10T18:18:19+00:00

I think about this a lot. Specifically: as a man looking around me objectively - I wouldn't date 80% of men if I was a woman either.

Maybe i'm more red pill than I care to admit. Point is, a long time ago, I decided I would just work on myself until I was in the top 20% (or whatever) of men, and then I could just be happy.

And I did.

And I am.

Good_Result2787 · 2024-10-10T18:15:16+00:00

It's thankfully something I've seen only rarely here (perhaps it is more common than what I see) but there is a small group of people who do think refusal to date you is some kind of personal attack.

As much as I can sometimes rag on this place and particularly some of the more insane takes found here, I do think most guys actually have standards. There's been a few who openly admit they literally have none and are in relationships with people they aren't attracted to (who also hate them, to hear them tell it)--and a few who believe average men "cannot afford" standards.

Thankfully those particular things do seem to be somewhat rare, even here. All that said, I do feel for people who have chronic dating struggles. The struggle of good relationships is, IMHO, normal, but it can be harder to compartmentalize when it seems to keep going. Especially probably true for teens today or the early-20somethings.

When I was in my strong "trying to date" phase of late teens early 20s, I knew some of the bad things about me that I couldn't change would severely curtail my ability to date, and I knew I would have to face tons of "nope, not you"s. I won't pretend it didn't make me sad, because it did. What I worked hard on was not letting the sadness be bitterness that directed my frustration outwards and blamed the other people for not choosing me. I knew their standards were what they were and I knew there was no point, for either of our sakes, in trying to just change their minds about me.

attendquoi · 2024-10-10T18:23:15+00:00

Some people (usually men, apparently) take being rejected as some sort of insult. I'm saying that as a reason, not an excuse.

But yes, I agree. My standards are crazy high, but they exist to eliminate men who I don't see any compatibility with. And I found one, which I attribute more to luck than anything

Fine_Video7691 · 2024-10-10T21:30:16+00:00

High standards are only worthwhile if you can enforce them, which most of those reading cannot.

When it comes to most men here, if they want to be partnered they have to keep lowering their standards of attractiveness, while raising the standard of their own behavior.

Consistent-Career888 · 2024-10-10T23:16:42+00:00

You can have whatever standards you want. That does not mean they are realistic or rational. It does not make it easier to have or find a healthy relationship .

It means to have standards. They might or might not be rational , realistic standards.

It doesn’t assure you will find that over sux ft tall, earning over six figures, buit like a adonis man or his woman counterpart. The five ft five , 36 D blond 24 yr old who is your personal sex machine.

Both are a impossible caricature that exist in your imagination . They are fictional beings.

But people are allowed to have so called standards. When they complain there is no one who meets their impossible standards. They have no one to blame but themselves.

There are realistic standards like having a source of income, no not welfare , Not smoking, not abusing drugs and or alcohol. Not being overweight , being factually single, having good hygiene, dressing decently , being able to have a intelligent conversation , having values, ethics and t a decent human .

We all have different preferences, which are usually flexible. You might really want a blonde but a brunette is just as acceptable. You might prefer blue eyes but seeing as we are less than 20 percent of the human population are realistic and date a person with brown eyes. There’s other I would prefer but are not deak breakers.

Being realistic lets you meet more people and have a much better chance to meet someone who you can have a long lasting healthy relationship with.

Standards also vary .Whrn you meet someone you really like but does not have something you thought was required. That quickly disappears.

The opposite can happen as well. You can meet someone who technically meets all your standards yet is a despicable person.

Each person is a little different. Most of us want someone who has some shared interests , values and is attractive to us.

Most people are in that huge average in appearance part of a bell curve.

If you go chasing the extremely attractive tail don’t be surprised thst not only do you have a lot of competition but you will probably end up without a partner.

You get to do whatever you want as life as it’s legal where you live . It might or might not bd ethical or a good idea . Thats on you and you are responsible for the consequences of your actions.

High standards are a difficult to define. Is asking for someone who doesn’t smoke, use drugs, is reasonably fit and not overweight, shares similar values and interests and activities a high standard?

While we all have a baseline for attractive. Such as symmetrical face and body , women do prefer a man taller than her , demanding a man be at minimum 6 ft is unrealistic. ( I am over 6ft so not whining).

Men prefer a much younger woman but most will be happy with a closer in age woman we find attractive.

There are other things that make you attractive. Those are much more difficult to define .

Being a decent human is just the beginning. No sane person wants a cruel manipulative selfish, entitled, sadistic abusive person in their life.

There’s hard to define things that we look for . They vary from person to person.

That gets really difficult to make anything but a very broad list of traits or qualities we want .

If you lack empathy and compassion you are not going to find a relationship.

Affective Empathy as in being able to put yourself in another person’s position is critical to a relationship and human interaction.

Without it we don’t have a civil society. Not just healthy relationships .

Empathy is not sympathy. They are related but not the same. I can have empathy for a person . That doesn’t mean I will have a relationship with her .

I can empathize with the single mother yet not want anything but a FWB deal with her .

Do what you want. Accept responsibility for your actions and be a decent human. Don’t abuse , mistreat , lie, deceive and take advantage . It really is not difficult.

If you see unrealistic standards for yourself don’t complain when you cannot find a relationship. That’s on you.

2024-10-11T00:11:26+00:00

I mean, if we're going to insult men for being indiscriminate in whom they have sex with, it's perfectly fine to insult women who are extremely picky with men. In summation, Your post is fucking dumb.

izzzy12k · 2024-10-11T00:12:25+00:00

While it's true... Those people love to complain and then bash ALL men/women with that notion of, "where are all the good men/women at?"

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2024-10-11T00:37:03+00:00

I really hate the term “High standards”. Standards are standards and everything else is subjective. With that said, be realistic about what you can get.

Nobody in the world is going to have EVERY trait you require. At best, they’ll have 60% of your list.

And how much can you possibly want? The only things that make a relationship happy is communication, attraction, love, respect, and shared values. The sooner you learn that the better.

Right-Cartoonist116 · 2024-10-11T08:07:39+00:00

Well, everyone has the right to have standards, but if you don’t find anyone because of it, you don’t have to blame people for having them. For example: my friend, a girl around 120 kg, only like man who goes to gym every day or she likes people who looks like Jason Momoa. Every time this people reject her for her body, she starts blaming every man. She doesn’t want to go to gym or she doesn’t want to change her to look like the standard of the people she like. So she can have her standards, but also other people have the right to have standards.

Nihi1986 · 2024-10-11T12:22:39+00:00

Nothing wrong with high standards as long as you deserve it. Otherwise, it's ridiculous and has an impact on the sexual market... Obviously, you shouldn't be dating people that you don't like, but there's definitely a problem when you only like the people who will never commit to you.

More_Commission_6492 · 2024-10-11T13:23:38+00:00

I think it's weird that it's called "high standards".

For example, if someone refuses to be friends with people that are neurodivergent, or lacking in confidence, or poor, or autistic, that's fine, but it's weird to describe that as having "high standards".

blonde___guardian · 2024-10-10T19:04:34+00:00

It seems that some men really hate high standards, but they also hate the implication that a woman might settle for someone beneath her previously stated standards. Genuinely, what's the solution here? Demanding that we all enter adulthood fantasizing about Statistically Average Joe? Do 'high status' and 'low status' women (however you define that) have to focus on >7s or <4s, respectively? I have so many questions.

False-Purple3882 · 2024-10-11T02:37:22+00:00

The issue is men think they’re the only ones entitled to any standards at all. When I was looking for a relationship, all I ever wanted was someone who was nice and seemed to genuinely like me. But men here think even that is asking too much.

DankuTwo · 2024-10-11T07:24:54+00:00

How old are you?

I know loads of women in their mid-30s who have been single and miserable for 4-5 years because no one meets their standards.

There is such a thing as having too-high standards, and it does negatively affect people’s lives (men and women).

EmergencyConflict610 · 2024-10-10T19:04:54+00:00

I prefer the term, "appropriate" standards. If you have high standards but don't meet those standards or the equivalent of those standards, then it's not that you have high standards, you're simply egotistical.

lle-ell · 2024-10-10T18:16:45+00:00

I have to agree. People are free to have whatever standards they want, even if those standards are harmful to themselves. Other people’s standards also have very little to do with you, so it’s wise to mot take it personally.

MidoriEgg · 2024-10-10T18:51:54+00:00

A lot of people who have unreasonable standards seem to get mad at society and random people because nobody who meets those standards wants to date them.

Shoddy-Cherry-490 · 2024-10-10T18:41:32+00:00

Whatever happened to dating people rather than resumes? But listen, people have a way of sorting themselves out pretty effectively. So I don’t know if there is a need to invoke this notion of high standards, whatever tf means anyway.

Neptune-Jnr · 2024-10-10T22:58:46+00:00

I don't agree. There is a clear line between reason standards and demanding that people be near perfect. There is also the problem that encouraging such behaviors means superficial stupid standards become a cultural norm.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-10-11T00:04:12+00:00

There is something wrong though. Look at how fashion has (some) women getting plastic surgeries of one kind or another, injecting toxins into their faces, etc. That's just one example. Nobody should be encouraging billy to keep waiting for his manic pixie dream whatever. Women's and men's choices should both face scrutiny and critique.

Unrealistic beauty standards are standard part of the propaganda of capitalism now, and it bleeds over into our personal lives. No one is immune to propaganda.

Should standards for personality be higher? Yes, but that's a tougher row to hoe because it isn't based on instant visual stimulus (at least, not w/ a high degree of accuracy).

Reasonable-Cookie783 · 2024-10-11T04:07:05+00:00

It's not about being right or wrong. It's about being delusional or realistic. People do have a sexual marketplace value based on what they bring to the table. You have every right to refuse what the marketplace offers you and stay single forever we just don't want to here your complaints and excuses and if you put your wish lists on the Internet for consumption expect to be told you are delusional if the market thinks you are.

catdog8020 · 2024-10-11T04:35:23+00:00

Sergeant, I didn’t know men were allowed to have standards i thought we have invisible standards (get it - invisible standards) lmao 🤣

FreitasAlan · 2024-10-11T05:29:05+00:00

You conflating standards a person doesn’t meet with the standards someone else fails to meet. The conclusions for one of them don’t generalize to the other. Once this is solved, none of the problems you listed exist. Never in my life I have seen anyone complain the way you describe in the first or the second case. No one is like “their standards are realistic and logical but they’re unfair because I can’t meet them” or “I really want to care and listen without dating them but they won’t let me”.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-10-11T07:50:16+00:00

Completly true. If they have a behaviour that don't suite you, you can give advice but if they choose to continue, that's their right and you have no business to do with them. Especially if it's a self destructive behaviour

OuroborosMadness · 2024-10-11T07:51:24+00:00

What is the even difference between standarts and high standards?

When someone say "i have high standards". I think of someone take more than they give. No one would to make a deal with these kind of people.

And i think many people have not problem with one person having high standards but group of people which will have great effects on society such as birth rates, marriage rates, social harmony etc. Will decrease just because of that group. So everyone will start to blame that group of people.

GoodApollo506 · 2024-10-11T10:59:33+00:00

…..If you’re a woman

VWGUYWV · 2024-10-11T12:10:15+00:00

Yeah

This is all non controversial common sense

The only people that would disagree would be some sort of crazy person

pandasiloc · 2024-10-11T19:07:04+00:00

This discussion is so cursed because no one bothers to set the terms of the debate beforehand.

Is there anything wrong morally with having high standards? No, of course not.

Is it shallow, myopic, and worthy of criticism to have high standards that don’t have anything to do with long term compatibility (if you’re looking for a life partner)? Yes, of course it is.

The problem with this debate is that what people really want is to either claim that a) having high standards is some kind of injustice, or b) that caring a lot about superficial characteristics isn’t a character flaw. Neither of these things is true, so no one is happy, and everyone keeps arguing past each other.

shutupburrito13 · 2024-10-12T11:55:32+00:00

There is not..provided that you also know what you bring to the table.

There's a difference between not wanting to settle and being delusional and lacking willingness to self improve.

2024-10-15T07:25:17+00:00

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TreeSweden · 2024-10-10T20:01:30+00:00

It is easier enough to accept that you are rejected if it is about different preferences that you value differently, for example if a gay man refuses a woman sex, it does not have to be because he thinks the woman is ugly. On the other hand, a man who likes thin women and he is also heterosexual, it should be worse for the woman when he denied the woman sex because she was fat.

Mouslimanoktonos · 2024-10-10T18:15:24+00:00

That's fine, as long as the women don't try to convince me they actually want betalosers like me while gargling Chad's cock. There is nothing more that I hate than a hypocrite. Tell outloud that you like to slut it up with Chads and want to vomit at the sight of non-Chad men and be done with it.

AnySmoke2016 · 2024-10-10T18:21:06+00:00

Being single is the best life style, you do you, you make the rules, you do things at your pace, you don't need to deal with bs no need to pleasure any one, you don't need to worry about divorce rape and in many cases you are chield support free (not my case) for me in morden days its a blessing just to have casual flings so If a women doesn't like i Just don't Care at ALL and move on its her problem

steponmynutsnerd · 2024-10-10T18:33:13+00:00

Then don’t complain when you are lonely

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TreeSweden · 2024-10-10T19:49:57+00:00

You can have different opinions about this. In addition, it is usually perceived differently depending on why people are rejected by someone.

Illustrious-Line-996 · 2024-10-10T23:25:49+00:00

Yup but you will remain single and forever unhappy. In fact people with high standards are the most vain people.

DamagedByPessimism · 2024-10-11T22:43:29+00:00

Women had always had “high standards” when they have the freedom of choice!

When they were forced to settle, well, they were “forced”. There are cultures that allow the bride to be literally kidnapped and forced to marry her captor, in some cases she is a minor so forced by family to marry.

TreeSweden · 2024-10-10T19:44:58+00:00

In that case, it is okay if women were to have fewer choices. Dating shouldn't be about charity. It should then also mean that orgasms during sex are not necessary

Title	There’s nothing wrong with high standards.
Author	Gravel_Roads
Upvotes	71
Comments	431
Date	October 10, 2024 5:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g0owkq/theres_nothing_wrong_with_high_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/theres-nothing-wrong-with-high-standards.1532632 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532632

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