I’ve been seeing more and more posters on this subreddit claim that the reason women get with asshole men is only because they’re attracted to handsome asshole men. The idea is that being handsome makes women tolerate bad behavior—since these men have more options to begin with, they can afford to be toxic without losing those options. Women, in turn, ignore their personalities and focus only on their looks.

Following this logic, a woman choosing between a 7/10 nice guy and a 7/10 asshole would always pick the nice guy. After all, they are equally attractive so there is no reason to go for the asshole. I’d like to dispute that with this post. I’m not suggesting that a toxic personality outweighs looks, wealth, or status, but rather that, in many ways, being toxic can be an advantage in the dating world.

I remember reading an old blog post a long time ago about a “nice guy” sharing his dating struggles. On paper, he was a great candidate—late 20s, not ugly, full head of hair, well-mannered, no criminal record, and a well-paying corporate job. Yet, he got almost no interest from women at all.

When he moved to a rundown "hood" area, he assumed dating there would be a piece of cake. Looking at the local men—many of whom were broke, had multiple kids with different women, and struggled with drug and alcohol problems—he thought he would have a major advantage. The drug dealers, ex-cons, and pimps didn’t seem like tough competition. Any woman seeing a regular, normal guy would jump at the chance to get with him, right?

But what shocked him was that these men—even ugly and broke ones—were constantly surrounded by women, treating them like garbage-while he still couldn’t get anyone. He realized that men far less conventionally attractive than him many times even had multiple women at a time.

How could a "great candidate" like him be losing to these guys?

My theory is that women have an innate need to fix these men. A normal nice man provides no challenge. He doesn’t fight and doesn’t wind her up. (There’s a saying: "It’s better to be hated than to be ignored.") Strong and intense feelings are more likely to come from dealing with an emotionally unavailable narcissist who treats women like shit. Toxic bad boys are interesting, but nice, stable guys are not. A large portion of women prefer broken men over emotionally healthy ones.

I’ve also experienced this personally. I was in the talking stage with a girl, and while there was some mutual attraction on her end, she had plenty of other options and was surrounded by guys vying for her attention—buying her stuff, etc. However, when I started pulling away, becoming emotionally cold and self-centered, she began chasing me and ignoring all the other guys. She became way more obsessive and clingy than usual.

Studies have shown that women are often drawn to men with Machiavellian personalities—those exhibiting Dark Triad traits such as psychopathy, aggression, overconfidence, and a lack of empathy. This attraction can be so intense that it sometimes manifests in extreme ways, such as the phenomenon of violent criminals, mass shooters, and serial killers attracting hordes of female admirers willing to do anything for them.

From Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy to Charles Manson, these men have all been the subjects of large amounts of female admiration and attention. Florida school shooter Nikolas Cruz received over 200 love letters after murdering 17 people.

If you were to believe what women say about only desiring nice, good men, there is NO WAY IN HELL these guys should be attracting anyone—let alone pulling these kinds of numbers.

There’s also an epidemic of female prison guards engaging in sexual activity with male prisoners. These women are fully aware of the risks—losing their jobs, facing legal action, and even imprisonment themselves. They could easily find relationships or casual sex with men outside of prison, yet they are drawn to the very criminals they are supposed to be in charge of. This further supports the idea that for many women, the attraction to toxic men isn’t despite their dangerous and antisocial traits, but because of them.

Lastly, I’d like to tell you a story.
The man I know in real life who has the most success with women—and likely the most sexual success of anyone I’ve ever come across—is a short, average-looking Mexican guy who works a pretty dead-end job. Yet, he always has a ton of options.

What behaviors did I notice about him?

1. He is always pursuing women, even in situations where they claim they don’t like being approached (on the street, at the gym, in the supermarket). He is extremely aggressive and careless with his approach—he will literally run after and "holla" at any girl he likes. He makes sexually vulgar comments about women and often sexualizes them to their face. I would describe him as a textbook misogynist.
2. He is very emotionally detached and unavailable. This leads to constant conflict, accusations of cheating, baby mama drama (yes, there are 3 of them), etc. Even though he constantly argues with his side chicks and gets into drama, he somehow manages to keep the plates spinning and even add more to the pile. He is the exact opposite of a stable and emotionally mature person, yet this doesn't seem to hurt him at all.

I’ve seen many regular nice guys struggle to get even one girlfriend, yet every horrible person or bully I’ve encountered never seems to have any problem with women. Have you ever noticed that there are no gangbanger or drug dealer FA dudes? These types of men are always getting sex—perhaps even too much for their own good. Yes, for maintaining a long-term marriage, a nice, stable guy might be more successful. But when it comes to short-term hookups and casual sex, the toxic bad boys seem to win every time.