Why does it seem like women very rarely lust over a guy? How does a guy go about getting a woman to lust for him?

Nellylocheadbean · 2025-06-25T22:32:59+00:00

Have a good looking face, somewhat fit physique, be confident like you’re comfortable with yourself and you’re not begging for some outside validation, be flirty and know how to escalate sexually without being awkward.

toasterchild · 2025-06-25T22:19:33+00:00

I, like many women, fantasize about interactions between the two of us. I have never once just looked at a guy and felt lust.

The type of interactions that turn me on aren't the same as what turns on my best friends. I'm not on the market so knowing what i personally like won't help you.

The best way to get there is to learn to flirt and banter. The more women you talk and flirt with the more you will find being sexually attracted to you.

If you just want to complain that women aren't men go ahead but if we were the would would have overpopulated centuries ago. Most men can get primally lusted after by simply attending gay events but it turns out that being lusted after by strangers you don't want back isn't as amazing as many men imagine it is.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-06-25T22:20:20+00:00

I’ll lust after you if you’re my boyfriend and I find you attractive inside and out. But I’m never going to lust after anyone without being able to be emotionally vulnerable around them. I pounce on my boyfriend whenever he’s home. Sometimes he jokes that I’m insatiable. But no random guy is ever going to get that because I’m never going to let that side of myself free around some random guy.

sheofdiscipline · 2025-06-25T23:51:31+00:00

I don’t know exactly what you mean by “lust over,” but I can share what’s made me feel that way in my own relationship.

It’s not really about looks, at least not entirely. What draws that kind of raw desire out of me is a very specific kind of presence. My partner makes me feel claimed, but never owned. There’s a soft dominance to him — a kind of grounded masculinity that doesn’t need to posture. He makes space for me to relax into my own femininity, which I don’t even typically care for.

But more than that — he’s not just strong or stoic. He’s emotionally responsive. Curious. Passionate about things, some things I don’t understand. And that passion is contagious.

One small example: I was struggling to apply winged eyeliner and couldn’t get it right. He offered to help. Sat down and let me practice on him just so I could figure it out. It was funny and playful and kind. And he’s not just a man — but a full human being I can taste and experience.

It’s not about height. It’s about how you carry yourself — and whether you give a woman space to feel both safe and devotional.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-06-26T05:09:27+00:00

I personally rarely lust over a guy but I have lusted over 4/6 of my boyfriends instantly upon meeting them or within the first interaction. They were exactly my type and I loved it. They were average guys(not 6 ft tall, no 6 packs, regular or below regular jobs, no model looks etc ) but I do not usually lust over the average guy(meaning majority).

The things I did notice about them, they had excellent grooming- nails, hair, dressed nicely, smelled nice and looked fit ( also they were sweet). Idk if this will work but it does improve your general sex appeal/attraction.

Don't let your height make u insecure, find confidence in the things you can control.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-06-25T22:18:09+00:00

I can describe what makes men attractive to me, but i barely lust over anyone so i think my answer is that you can't really do anything?

I assume by lust you mean like seeing you (or any man) and wanting to have sex, like really with you because you're so physically magnetic. And that really doesn't happen to me.

If we talk about hookups, there are some behavioral patterns that increase my attraction a lot. The thing is they are working on me and won't work on lots of women.

floracalendula · 2025-06-25T22:11:05+00:00

I can't lust after someone if it feels like I'm just whoring myself out. He's got to be a known quantity or I can't do it. Lust sneaks up on me and bats me upside the head like that.

blackmailalt · 2025-06-25T23:16:17+00:00

I lust for men who activate my brain first, the physical lust comes afterward. Emotional intelligence, self-awareness, safety, honesty, good sense of humour, sexually open. That’s hot af.

No-Boysenberry-6685 · 2025-06-25T22:29:03+00:00

They do, it's just in not very apparent ways.

Rozenheg · 2025-06-26T05:39:11+00:00

A lot of women are afraid to show lust, because it gets a negative response (meaning either disapproval, or people decide she’s ‘fair game’, or both). So if we want to express ourselves sexually more freely, we have to create a safe environment for us to do that.

So if you find women who have stronger desires, who like you, who feel safe with you to express it, I think those would have to be the most likely prerequisites.

DenverKim · 2025-06-26T09:46:32+00:00

I have never in my life, just looked at a man and felt that way about him. Of course you need to be attracted to someone, but that’s just step one. Being physically attractive will only get you so far. There are countless attractive men that I would have absolutely no interest in being with or even talking to.

For myself, and a lot of women, that feeling is something that develops based on how a man makes you feel when you are around him. The sound of his voice, the way he smells, the things he says, etc. It’s an unconscious thing that can’t be faked or forced and it’s different for everyone.

It’s also a pretty rare thing. Even rarer is to feel that way about someone and have them feel the same way about you… It’s not something people should feel entitled to or require in order to be happy, because it’s not something everyone is going to get. But if you do get it, then it’s crucial to value it as the special and rare thing that it is.

But if we’re being completely honest and talking about pure sexual lust… That often has a lot more to do with a woman’s hormones and her mental state than her actual partner. It’s all just science and chemicals.

Powerful_Monitor3659 · 2025-06-25T22:19:14+00:00

We do?

If I have a crush I fantasise about having sex with him regularly, in different scenarios. If I'm fortunate enough to date him, I regularly enjoy touching them and being sexual with him.

I get horny around him, and certain things he does triggers sexual arousal. For example sitting with his arms a certain way, or his smell and feel when we hug.

This is common, no?

krmaml · 2025-06-25T22:35:58+00:00

I’ve only experienced primal lust with celebrities or internet personalities. This was mostly due to me either finding them physically attractive or being in a parasocial relationship with their public persona, usually a mix of both. I just projected my wants and desires onto them and that fantasy created lust. But I have experienced irl attraction before, I don’t know if I would call it lust. One guy I just liked his personality idk, he was bubbly and nice. The others I just found really physically attractive upon first glance. This was like instantaneous attraction. Very rare for me. They were just my type I guess.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-06-25T22:38:29+00:00

i lust after men AFTER i hook up with them and its amazing, not before. the hook up is the audition

Present-Interest-975 · 2025-06-26T00:23:23+00:00

Its only happened within a relationship for me. My partner is your height, it's not necessarily an issue.

No_Teacher_3313 · 2025-06-25T22:17:58+00:00

I have to be crazy about him as a person. He doesn’t have to look any particular way.

Icy_Cauliflower6482 · 2025-06-25T23:32:13+00:00

It happens to me all the time, normally when I have some form of interactive, intellectual or humor related chemistry with a dude, not just on sight. As a result of this, most of the men I’ve lusted after absolutely have not fit conventional standards. Maybe one or two of them have fit those standards but mostly by chance.

I don’t really tell them or make it clear because it comes off as kind of too direct and the only time I ever did make it clear it kinda freaked out the dude. I think I was just too jarring or something. But it’s like dudes often see being too direct sexually as slutty. Other reasons include me not being single, them not being single and also just not really being a looker myself and not wanting to constantly get rejected.

Edited to provide examples: male coworkers who are often overweight, losing hair, shorter than me, in some cases significantly older than me where all of the above applied. Maybe I just mostly go for good conversation and a decent sense of humour but this is how I end up getting lusty.

pseudonymmed · 2025-06-26T07:24:13+00:00

Yes I have. I don’t know if I’d describe it as primal, to me that implies uncontrollable. But when I have had a crush on someone I often fantasize about sex with them. I have lusted over crushes, my BFs and now my husband. It’s strongest when with a great lover. Knowing how they will touch me just right makes the lust grow. Don’t worry about the height. I lusted over a 5’6” lover who was 2” shorter than me. He was no model but I found him attractive. He was great in bed and knew how to slowly build up tension,

There is no magic bullet to make all women lust after you. Women are diverse. Just understand that female lust isn’t just about looks. Looks do matter, obviously. She has to find you attractive to feel lust just as men only lust after those they find attractive. But the level of desire is not 1:1 based on looks. A woman can feel more lust for a 6/10 who makes her feel good than a 8/10 who doesn’t. Different women have different tastes and prioritise different traits so you could be rejected by a lot of women and still find women who find you attractive.

Some women who find you cute can end up feeling desire for you if you make them feel good, know how to build up sexual tension, and have a good balance of expressing that you desire them but in a respectful way. Playfulness and humour can help. Making her feel special. Taking your time when you escalate physical touching. Male desire is like a light switch but female desire tends to be more like a dimmer switch that builds up. Men who are seductive use this to their advantage instead of wishing women behaved more like men.

Pm_me_ur_pet_pics- · 2025-06-25T22:13:23+00:00

It helps if you don’t objectify them and see them as people. And also build up your charisma. I don’t think most women are swayed purely by looks - although it’s an advantage. They’re swayed by looks + charisma.

Plus why would women risk sleeping with just anyone? Even if they get horny. They’re picky because they are shamed for their body counts, and risk being in unsafe situations

Rotten_Cat · 2025-06-26T06:22:03+00:00

I need to know them very well and be comfortable around then first. I won't list after a random person, I need to know them. Women and men are different in this aspect.

Aimeereddit123 · 2025-06-26T14:30:53+00:00

Red pillers will dismiss me and claim I’m lying, and it won’t matter how many real women upvote me, but for what it’s worth - I’m being dead honest. Men don’t understand that women aren’t just prettier men. We DON’T think the same. We DON’T view things the same. If you are gorgeous, but I don’t trust you, you aren’t funny, you don’t make me feel loved and special - I’m NOT lusting for you - period. There is nothing you can do. There’s no way you can smell or dress or get your body to look - it ain’t happening. I lust for someone that makes ME feel cherished and secure. I will lust over a 5’7 straight up honest man with integrity and nothing to hide, before I will even LOOK at my version of a physically perfect man that I can’t trust or feel emotionally protected by. By all means, stay in shape and dress well for your body type and keep up with appearance and hygiene….but the INNER man of honesty and integrity is a million times more attractive than anything he can do to his outer appearance.

Superb-Foundations · 2025-06-26T05:26:12+00:00

Every time i talk about my husband, i get told I'm lying buuutttttt I am borderline feral for my husband. We have a very healthy sex life of 3 to 4 times a week. He does it by -

Being an equal partner so I never have to "mother" him. I dont have to remind him to help with chores, take a shower, or anything else that a normal adult should just know to do. He is a good father, and that gives me a chance to tap into my sexual energy because I'm not constantly thinking about what needs to get done or making a list about everything that everyone else needs. He takes on 50% of the mental burden when it comes to our kids. I dont have to remind him about kids allergies, or if it's bath night, I'm not exhausted from child rearing because I have a partner who helps me make school lunches. Bbbbuuuttttt when the kids go to sleep we have 2 locks on our door and we closed off 1 door and put a door between our bedroom and the spare room and thats our child free adult room. We have a couch, TV, our computers, and clothing is always optional. That means naked freeuse movie nights, playing silly sexy games, massages, and just focusing on each other completely for hours a night.

He pampers me and gives me princess treatment 24/7. I know men in here get mad when a woman brings it up and even say he is a simp, but feeling wanted and completely free is the best feeling in the world. Him being obsessed with me gives me the confidence to be silly and sexy.

He always makes sure I get mine. We never have a sexual encounter where either of us leave unsatisfied. Even if he has a whoops 🤭 he still makes sure I get mine.

He is so wonderfully open about sex and makes every experience fun. Either of us see something we wanna try we just try it. 🤷 While I see guys in here pressed about women reading smut and how awful it is, my guy will sit me in his lap, and I will draw or crochet while he reads it out loud to me until neither of us can stand it.

He has never made me feel bad about my body. Not once. Not a single time. I was thin when we dated, and then I had multiple children. Sometimes my body went back to the same weight but im never going to lose my stomach completely. I'm always going to have stretch marks on my belly and boobs, and since I had a c-section I will always have a large scar.... but he never makes me feel bad about it because he fucking loves our life and our family. He is the one who made me a mom and thats why my body has changed and he likes to kiss me all over and thank my body for everything it has accomplished.

All to say, me lusting after him and exploring sex has a lot to do outside of the bedroom. I dated a man who was a super hot pilot and our sex life succcccckkkkkked and eventually I didnt want it anymore. His idea of turning me on was rolling over and saying, "Can I put it in?" Then 3 pumps later he would fall asleep but complain to everyone how much I didnt like sex. Turns out I love sex... I just didnt like sex with him. 😂

WebBorn2622 · 2025-06-26T10:17:31+00:00

It does for me, but I’m a pervert

avocado-afficionado · 2025-06-26T11:06:35+00:00

I feel lust for people all the time, but I’m not single. Even if I was, openly lusting for men is a very quick and easy way to get branded a hoe. Unfortunately most of society is still not at the stage yet where we view women sexually approaching someone as socially acceptable.

HeartCatchHana · 2025-06-27T17:34:01+00:00

Attractiveness is subjective. The types of men I lust after aren't the conventionally handsome ones. Also, I'm very picky with what type of men I find attractive lustable.

womandatory · 2025-06-28T00:14:02+00:00

Testosterone is a powerful hormone. When women find the right man, they usually do lust over them, but they don’t usually lust over random men.

Desire isn’t something you can create in or negotiate from a woman. She wants you, or she doesn’t.

Business-Stretch2208 · 2025-06-25T22:19:54+00:00

Why do you want random women to lust after you? Don't you have better things to base your identity around than some woman's attraction to you? Btw the vast majority of women don't "lust" after anybody.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-06-26T02:42:07+00:00

There is a thing called "menstrual cycle". I tend to lust for one week a month, but i have enough brain power not to act upon it. While the rest of the week it's "meh".

Though birth control can screw up the cycle and the woman can be "meh" all the time.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-06-26T16:09:50+00:00

My husband is your run of the mill 5’6” overweight average guy^tm and I absolutely lust after him. He does it for me. He tickles my pickle. He floats my goat. I don’t think many other women besides his past partners lusted after him, and none as much as I do. Because he’s my partner, he’s sexy, I don’t feel like his mom or caretaker, I feel supported and cared for, I feel seen and respected. He’s the best.

I don’t think all women feel lust like that. I don’t think all men will be lusted after by their partner. But some - especially more sexually open ones who don’t judge a woman’s past will have a greater chance of vetting for sexual compatibility and be truly lusted after. Or you become a great provider to a trad wife. But I have no experience there but I hear it’s a thing.

oppositegeneva · 2025-06-26T00:21:57+00:00

The only man I’ve ever experienced primal lust with is my husband. (Only been with 2 men in my life)

With my ex I thought I had no libido, with my husband….well we are in a “free use” marriage lol.

He checks all my boxes physically and emotionally. I’ve known him since we were 12 so it’s been interesting to be able to experience some many different levels of attraction with him over the years, as we’re both 28 now.

leosandlattes · 2025-06-25T22:32:19+00:00

You get a woman to lust after you by being charismatic and charming and making her feel desired.

This also assumes you are not straight up ugly. Average and higher only.

ThatBitchA · 2025-06-25T22:11:18+00:00

"Primal lust" isn't real.

alreadydark · 2025-06-25T22:13:18+00:00

Wait for her to start ovulating

Pfacejones · 2025-06-25T22:13:09+00:00

you just have to be 1 physically Very attractive and 2 be drenched in the specific set of pheromones that react with hers. it's happened to me 2 times in my life and it drove me so mad with passion and lust and obsession that I got slammed with 2 cease and desists when they broke it off. I have no idea the number of guys I've slept w in my life too many to count and too insignificant to remember compared w these two. idk why I am being downvoted, primal lust is rare in women and this is the only times it's happened to me

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tattletana · 2025-06-26T19:41:32+00:00

sorry but we do we’re just not as “out there” (a phrase which here means a massive perv) about it. we can definitely be lusty little freaks.

Tylikcat · 2025-06-28T23:58:04+00:00

It's unlikely that you'll find many women who will actively lust over a man's appearance. They exist, but they're a minority. ...and this has a bit of the sense of looking for a magic incantation that will make women have sex with you.

We're all different. We like different things. There is no magic incantation. It does seem like most women will at the minimum want to get to know you, and get a sense of who you are. And like those things in a way that translates to a sexual or romantic context. (There are plenty of guys I meet and like and don't want to get involved with.)

For me, the man needs to not physically repel me me (visual attraction is nice, but negotiable - when I was young I dated some nice but kind of dumb pretty boys, but yikes, not doing that again. Looks like a troll, but is clean, well dressed, and interesting? Far more likely.) They need to be interesting - and my standards here are pretty high. They don't need to be outgoing or a great storyteller (though it helps - I'm both of those things) but they need to be smart and creative, including ways in which we can bounce ideas off of each other, and I'd like to be able to learn from them. (It's extremely unlikely that they won't be learning from me. Unless they're really opposed to the idea of learning from me, and I suppose that's a rule out.) They need to have their life fairly together (my standards are higher now than when I was in my twenties, but FFS, I'm in my fifties, and if your life isn't together when you're my age, there are issues, whereas living hand to mouth in your twenties is more understandable). They need to have emotional maturity, and be decent at general adulting.

For me, a general sense of getting along well ("clicking") and the collaborative creative development of ideas is really my catnip.

rose_mary3_ · 2025-07-01T15:23:02+00:00

Women lust over guys all the time...?

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2025-06-26T11:11:13+00:00

I don't ever really feel lust towards men. I have a high libido, but I'm not really activated by visual stimuli like that.

ChironGhostHugger · 2025-06-26T21:03:34+00:00

I don't think it can be forced, just be yourself. I'm saying that not to be cliche, but because what one likes won't be what another likes.

My type is long and scruffy, or esoteric and mysterious, like he's hiding something. If someone looks like that, guaranteed I'm gonna take interest in him.

flipsidetroll · 2025-06-26T15:19:53+00:00

Don’t be redpilled. Or blackpilled. Those will stop lust in its tracks.

Title	Why does it seem like women very rarely lust over a guy? How does a guy go about getting a woman to lust for him?
Author	NoRefrigerator267
Upvotes	62
Comments	336
Date	June 25, 2025 10:06 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lkj1l1/why_does_it_seem_like_women_very_rarely_lust_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-it-seem-like-women-very-rarely-lust-over.1555583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555583

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