Good men don't push boundaries

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-03-23T18:12:51+00:00

Define what "pushing boundaries" even means. Trying to kiss somebody because you think/feel it's the right moment is pushing the boundaries for me. You literally can't move anywhere without pushing some boundaries there and there.

abaxeron · 2026-03-23T17:58:06+00:00

Study Confirms Most Men Do Not Understand The Word 'No' The most telling statistic in the study for me was this:

What was the rate for men?

I checked for you: men were not surveyed at all.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-03-23T13:37:47+00:00

It’s not that I don’t agree that it’s bad to pressure unwilling partners for sex (obviously that’s bad.)

But disagree that it’s always bad to push in general.

My partner has bad social anxiety, mostly caused by an abusive mother. Because of this, they’re extremely avoidant of many things most people aren’t, and they struggle to trust.

It’s taken years of gentle pushing and uncomfortable exposure to new things like love, trust, support etc. They didn’t trust it and avoided relying on others.

But you have to actually care about the person, not just “fixing them” as soon as possible. Asking uncomfortable questions to help them examine why they do certain things. Helping them recognize that there are other options (without expecting them to immediately try them!)

But now, more and more often, they tell me things like “I almost gave up, but then I heard your voice in my head saying it was going to be okay”.

And it means the world to know my supportive voice has overtaken their mother’s abusive voice. But I did have to push.

brassbuffalo · 2026-03-23T13:38:07+00:00

Debate point 1: I've never had a relationship end because I pushed a boundary. I've had several end because I didn't push a boundary. Many women seem to expect men to push boundaries, and they lose respect for the men that don't. Personally, I'd rather push a boundary than get another text that says "you're too nice for me"

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2026-03-23T14:45:20+00:00

Classic. Women create toxic dating dynamics and then complain about them.

If you won't ask guys out on dates or initiate sex, guys don't magically know where your boundaries are. Take more initiative and then you won't have this problem.

Notice how women in the comments are talking about how they dated "bad men" who pushed boundaries. Not good, respectful guys.

burneraccountguydude · 2026-03-23T15:05:28+00:00

If you don’t push her for sex a bit you never will get any. And then she will break up with you because you arnt “connecting” and he “couldn’t make a move”.

This is another case of women saying one thing but wanting another.

It’s fine ladies I know this is just how you are, but I mean I can’t do what you say and be successful so I’m not going to lol.

PM_ME_CODE_CALCS · 2026-03-23T15:02:21+00:00

Is there a corollary that women who expect men to push boundaries are not good women?

RelativeYak7 · 2026-03-23T14:14:12+00:00

My bf does all 3 of these things and in my opinion it's normal because I've never dated a man who doesn't do these things. I just figured it was part of being with a man.

CandyAgile253 · 2026-03-23T13:26:58+00:00

I agree. Wish I kept this in mind during a prior relationship 😞

DankuTwo · 2026-03-23T14:28:58+00:00

Meh. Boundaries need to be (gently) pushed, or nothing will ever happen.

On my first date with a girl a while back she just turned around and kissed me, unexpectedly, at the end of the date. She pushed boundaries in doing so. Other escalations, physical or emotional, have all started from one of us pushing the other’s boundaries a little bit.

It’s kind of necessary.

No-Rough-7390 · 2026-03-23T14:40:31+00:00

I think this is all fair, but women bastardize #1 to death.

When I was dating and a woman gave the hint that they wanted to stick around, I’d be pretty up front that I’d never do a sexless relationship and it would be grounds for it ending should it happen. A lot of women, despite the fact it’s up front, will call that manipulation despite it being a personal boundary and standard.

I also see women complain about this when men who are in sexless marriages don’t act the same as they did when they were having a healthy, active sex life. It’s like, no shit, the primary differentiator between a romantic relationship and being roommates affects how people act, what a shocker! 😂

Kanenas_T_Potas · 2026-03-23T16:19:16+00:00

Debate Point 1: If a man is trying to pressure you to have sex with him sooner (pushing boundaries) he isn't respecting you or your comfort. If he just wants sex he can stop dating the woman (or pretending to date her) and go get a hookup

You are right that pushing for sex is a violation of a personal boundary. Nevertheless, people are entitled to have relationship standards and to openly communicate that sex is important to them in a relationship and that they expect sex to be something that happens regularly.

Having an honest conversation about it is not the same as pressuring someone to have sex, and verbalizing that not having sex regularly/ after a few dates is a deal breaker for you is not a form of manipulation.

Now, if after you verbalize it the other person says they really cannot accept that and you do not leave and instead try to pressure the person, take the relationship hostage or manipulate her into having sex, that's wrong.

Debate Point 2: if he is trying to talk you into sex acts you don't like and don't want to try, he doesn't respect you.

I think most normal people would agree that doing this is wrong and is a complete disregard of the boundaries of the other person.

Debate Point 3: If he requests things from you such as money or favours or sexual acts or says things that make you uncomfortable and he knows this, he does not respect you.

Again, this is something that is probably not controversial. The only caveat is, that I think people should talk about the kind of things that they like during sex openly... And also accept that the things you might want to try/explore change over time.

welphellothere01 · 2026-03-23T14:51:31+00:00

Nice guys finish last.

AreOut · 2026-03-23T15:37:31+00:00

most women like to have an excuse to have sex, sometimes that excuse is "he pushed me", sometimes it's "I was drunk" etc.

basically anything to evade personal accountability

Terrible_Mixture_759 · 2026-03-23T16:10:23+00:00

Flirting is basically testing a boundary. Is flirting pressuring/pushing? Could be in a stretched definition.

I_DOM_UR_PATRIARCHY · 2026-03-23T15:24:11+00:00

This is a great post and an important point.

However, I do think this is an instance where the point is being unnecessarily gendered. In fact, I think gendering it is counterproductive because it signals that people don't need to worry about this behavior if there's not a man in the picture, but that's not true. Women definitely do this too - I'm not sure if men even do it more often (or if there would be a way to meaningfully quantify for comparison).

But even if we assume for the sake of argument that men do this more, gendering the issue probably does more to reinforce than undermine patriarchal cultural assumptions.

ViolentShallot · 2026-03-23T18:05:55+00:00

I cannot see the "agree under here" comment. So I'll just post here:

Yeah. If a woman says "no", the right thing to do is to just walk away.

the best thing you can get if you push a woman that is saying "no" is that she meant "yes". Then you get involved with an idiot that plays games.

And that's the best case scenario.

Samphilbags · 2026-03-23T15:03:28+00:00

OP, who are you to say what a "good" man is?

Debate Point 1:" If a man is trying to pressure you to have sex with him sooner (pushing boundaries) he isn't respecting you or your comfort."

Rebuttal 1: People freely associate with each other from the position of self-interest, whatever that interest is. The woman who conditions going on dates with men based on whether a guy pays for it, isn't a bad woman based off that fact alone. Similarly, a guy who is exploring your sexual boundaries by seeking sex with you isn't disrespecting you; he's just actively pursuing his interest with you.

Debate Point 2: if he is trying to talk you into sex acts you don't like and don't want to try, he doesn't respect you.

Rebuttal 2: Persuasion is the bridge between divergent interests. Persuasion is a communication tool, not an instrument of disrespect. You are free to decline his proposals, but that doesn't mean he doesn't respect you for trying to persuade you. If he feels he is giving you something that you want (that he doesn't care to provide to you), as an example, then he might think it fair to negotiate for what he wants.

Debate Point 3: If he requests things from you such as money or favours or sexual acts or says things that make you uncomfortable and he knows this, he does not respect you.

Rebuttal 3: see Rebuttal 2

OP, your point of view lacks serious self reflection. Human relationships aren't one-way exchanges whereby the woman receives & the man gives - because otherwise, some form of "disrespect" has occurred to the woman. No. Human relationships are ongoing negotiations featuring give and take. It's no moral crime to ask for what you want.

Due_Appointment_1188 · 2026-03-23T13:27:12+00:00

pressuring != pushing boundaries.

A guy has to constantly push boundaries by nature, because it mainly falls on us to progress the dynamic forward. But that's totally different from pressuring which is very close to manipulating someone and a whole bunch of other shady stuff that have nothing to do with pushing boundaries.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-03-23T16:56:24+00:00

Terminology here is weird. When I read stuff like this (Especailly the study) I get the vibe that this is people who have little to no experience with hookups speculating on how they think things are "negotiated". Hookup sex is spontaneous, not pre-negotiated. Anyways...

There's a difference between "Pressuring to have sex" and "Making a move". I'm gonna make a move on the first date. If I get rejected, no biggie, just continue the convo and vibe as long as it's still going. If the vibe dies, then "Hey it was great meeting you, let's re-connect... (pull out my calendar)". If the vibe is still great, make another move in 10-15mins and see if the temp has changed. Women DO want the man to take initiative, the key is to be able to take no for an answer and read the room.

I have NEVER "talked a woman into sex" thats creepy AF.

I HAVE wound up in a Louis CK situation once, and I did the same exact thing that he did. If I get a "no", I got a "no". I always imagine how the stories would play out if we both gave more or less accurate accounts of what happened. Oh, and I've never had any issues with SA ever.

going__nowhere · 2026-03-23T19:03:05+00:00

I dont know but most times I had sex with a guy I was dating, they waited for me to initiate, probably cause they know for women it takes longer to get to that point. They gave me clues they wanted it, but I was the one making the move when I felt comfortable.

midnight_blue77 · 2026-03-24T05:36:34+00:00

Even those of us who have no issues pushing boundaries just generally DON'T because its just not worth it. And then we gotta hear from mutual friends how "if only he tried a little harder I would have said yes."

We have no patience for these little fucking games. If a woman isn't willing then no means fucking no and I better not fucking hear her bitching latter that I didn't try hard enough or that I didn't persist or that she was just waiting for me to try a little bit harder or for a little longer. If a woman says no then that's the end. Pack up and move on. I am not going to play these fucking games and I am not going to get set up for no fucking false accusation either. Normally this would not be a problem but what pisses me off is how some women then come out (to their friends of course) whining and bitching how I gave up on her too easily. This has happened to me twice already.

Brief_Mongoose_7291 · 2026-03-23T14:35:04+00:00

Proof?

AMDisappointment · 2026-03-23T16:05:44+00:00

Where would you define pressure? Because if a man never asks, he'll never get anything.

DGenerationMC · 2026-03-23T19:40:22+00:00

If someone doesn't push boundaries, should they wait around and expect a Burger King crown for being a "good man?" And I assume OP (or people like her) will be there to crown them, if so?

Does the reason for not pushing boundaries even matter (ex. having enough self-control and not caring so much that you're willing to hurt/mislead/coerce/manipulate someone to get what you want) or is this whole thing not that deep, OP? It all just sounds like an notification to others that they're playing your uninteresting game or at least an invite to play.

Also, who the hell is the grand authority on "good" and "bad?" And, not just men, but people and things in general?

It's all relative. What works for/on some will not work for/on others.

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BlessdRTheFreaks · 2026-03-23T18:02:41+00:00

On the contrary, the courtship dance between men and women is a push-pull tango until the woman willingly gives up her propriety. She can't give it up too fast without being ashamed, she can't give it up too slow or the man moves on. If no decorum is broached, then nothing sexy at all ever happens. It's an ancient and savage dance. Learn how to love it.

Sholnufff · 2026-03-24T07:40:38+00:00

There are videos of women getting angry because men aren't being aggressive enough as well as pursuant enough.

To quote the late DMX,

"What these bitches want from a Nigga? Somebody let me know"

Intelligent-Insight · 2026-03-25T19:05:44+00:00

It's only pushing boundaries if it's pushing further than they have ever been. Otherwise, it's just making sure that boundaries aren't more restrictive for you than for other men. And even if it is pushing them further, it can be argued that he offers you an opportunity to show that you are turned on by him and really want him. Also, the rest is just completely wrong. Wanting to have sex sooner doesn't mean he just wants sex. And no, if he just wants sex he can't just get a hookup. Getting hookup is way more difficult than getting dates/relationships and the casual sex scene is way more exclusive.
Same if he/she is trying to talk you (coerce you, really) into not having or not trying sex acts you are interested in doing or trying. And if you don't respect them, you are not entitled to them respecting you.
Sure but goes both ways and also includes requesting not doing things that brings you/him joy and satisfaction.

2026-03-27T19:56:18+00:00

Good women don't push boundaries either, and yet we all have become familiar with just how common it is for women to pressure (aka nag) men on various subjects.

This is always framed as her raising an issue in the relationship (neutral, non value judgement, women not doing anything wrong) and leads to walkaway wife syndrome if her issues are not addressed.

I agree that pressuring is bad, but it strikes me that society is somewhat hypocritical and just blanket accepts the idea that women can pressure men emotionally to change his ways and 'fix' his behavior (and it's always assumed that she has moral authority to determine if his behavior is bad, maybe it isn't bad, just boring or unappealing to her personally).

IF we accept that women can be "quality of life" pests and nag men, then men can be sex pests towards women. So just going off logically consistent analysis of society your OP is incorrect, because if pressuring is bad, then nagging women would be seen as bad, but that's not the case.

Personally, I don't like it when either side does it, but it seems like the voice of collective humanity is ok with some degree of pressuring taking place in relationships, even though it tries somewhat to maintain this maximally pro-female state of affairs where all man nagging = bad but all woman nagging = neutral or good.

If we take the gender-specific material out then the jury's still out on the degree to which pressuring makes you a bad person, seems like.

Mermine_ · 2026-04-01T09:41:41+00:00

Boundaries are only for good men they don’t push it indeed Bad boys don’t even have boundaries

Artistic-Geologist44 · 2026-03-23T16:36:29+00:00

Where are all these women that are “turned off” by men asking directly if they want to kiss, have sex, etc? I don’t think that’s real. Verbal communication doesn’t ruin the mood if you are confident enough to do it right. And checking in during the exchange is a major turn on, “how is this feeling?” It’s not that hard to do. You aren’t mature enough to have sex if you can’t ask directly for things, or receive verbal requests without being “turned off”.

Mela_ninja · 2026-03-23T13:40:43+00:00

Are we going to have the most basic things lol.

What’s next “a good man doesn’t kick puppies”

Hadal_Benthos · 2026-03-23T17:01:56+00:00

I'd rather get laid than be abstractly "good".

Low_Rich_5436 · 2026-03-24T06:54:15+00:00

This is a bunch of bullshit. A relationship is a balancing act between diverging needs and wants. If you can't open your mind to things for the sake of the person you're with, it's not much of a relationship.

Have your boundaries pushed. Expand your horizons. Grow, discover.

Logos1789 · 2026-03-23T17:55:46+00:00

A significant portion of women lower their boundaries voluntarily for especially desirable men. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

BIG-DICK-SMALL-BALLS · 2026-04-05T08:49:53+00:00

Good men don't, attractive ones do.

Title	Good men don't push boundaries
Author	Axis_Control
Upvotes	31
Comments	360
Date	March 23, 2026 1:18 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1s1gmob/good_men_dont_push_boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/good-men-dont-push-boundaries.1576210 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576210

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