If you're still using dating apps, you're a pickme

fancy_tetrahedron · 2021-06-02T14:20:18+00:00

I tried it once, I wasn't really looking to date anyone, I just installed it to see what all the deal was about. I put in my age and name, added a few photos of myself, but I accidentally clicked the "create profile" button before adding my bio, so I went back to add it. After I finished it I noticed I already had 14 likes. I opened their profiles, and oh dear lord. One of the guys was 2 decades older than me. Another one had his 2 kids in the photo. Maybe 3 or 4 of them were my age, the rest of them were 5+ years older.

And I had literally nothing in my bio during those few minutes. These men knew nothing about me. They judged me solely by my looks. I would literally never swipe right on a man with nothing in his bio.

I was like "nope", I deleted the app and never tried OLD ever again.

ranunnculus · 2021-06-02T14:54:20+00:00

The kicker for me was the fact that men can pay for perks on these apps that allow them to have even more access to the women, and that 'we are the only product to give ourselves for free to be sold'. If every woman left dating apps Today, men would actually have to Hugely step up in order to get even a glance from us.

notyourmomsacct · 2021-06-02T15:23:36+00:00

I deleted OLD when I saw my abusive ex-husband on bumble. Wanted to vomit after seeing his stupid face. I realized then that if my ex could be on there pretending to be a nice guy, how many other abusive or NVM could be lurking online. It isn’t worth my time either. It takes way too long to swipe to find even one guy that I find attractive and then it’s usually a bust anyways. I’d rather spend that time doing more important things 💅

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-06-02T15:36:44+00:00

[deleted]

IAteTheDragon · 2021-06-02T18:47:46+00:00

I'm never going back there. It's been over 10 months now. At one point a thought hit me "What if someone from IRL knows I'm on OLD? Not too bad, you think? Wrong. It means that I give access to myself to potentially every man on the app. Any man can contact me, look at my photos, talk with me etc." This is not how I'd like to present myself in dating realm. I want to be a woman you have to make individual effort to meet, know, ask out on a date. Not a registered meat in the catalogue. Besides, seriously, if a guy entertains the" meat market" at all, it doesn't speak very well of him to begin with.

Hedy__Lamarr · 2021-06-02T17:18:03+00:00

I deleted the one app I used 7 months ago. I get the feeling that OLD was very different 10 years ago and may have been helpful. But that is no longer the case. The men using OLD are so subpar that you're pretty much forced to lower your standards if you ever want to get anywhere.

I was sick of men who would never dare approach me in person thinking they had a chance simply because I was on the app. Looking at their ugly mugs staring back at me and knowing that they got access to my life and pictures for the sole purpose of getting in my pants felt like an invasion of privacy.

Your presence on OLD implies a lot about you to the men who use it. They make a lot of assumptions about you even if it's on a subconscious level. They will not see you as LTR material. At best you're a Barbara Builder they can use for emotional labor/leveling themselves up on their journey to find "the one" that they think they deserve.

Most of the men on OLD are extremely low effort. I think if their first message could be a caveman grunt, that's what they'd do instead of "hi" or "wyd."

I'd rather be my awesome self by myself than deal with the trash that make up the vast majority of OLD male users. You don't get to choose who sees you. The convicted rapist and the novelist both get to judge you.

sermuonielis · 2021-06-02T14:47:46+00:00

Deleted today before I even read this! Too many men are just SO not interesting and the audacity that they possess is through the roof. I was done. Just got selected to partner with someone very famous and respected in my industry and am starting a course in 3 weeks that will kick off my career. It will be a summer of learning, career opportunities and networking! 😌💅🏼

i_said_what_i_said_ · 2021-06-02T15:11:46+00:00

Number 2 is key for me, I’ve been told by a (mortified) HVM in my life that no man worth dating would use a dating app, he’d be busy doing other things with his free time.

I also think that most men are viewing porn, only fans, and semi-naked ladies on Instagram etc on their phones. Then they fire up a dating app and their porn addled brains assume that women on dating apps will act in the same way for them!

WittyImprovement · 2021-06-02T14:11:11+00:00

I deleted tinder and bumble several months ago. I don't want to go back to those or ever try another dating app again. But I can't say with full certainty that I'll never feel the temptation again. Hopefully I stay strong and stick to being OLD-free 🤞 I feel like a sex dispenser when I'm on those apps. I truly despise OLD for turning humans into commodities. It's always baffling to me when I hear about people marrying someone they met on a dating app... I have never been able to get a whole ass relationship out of OLD. The only relationship I've been in happened organically and that's how I intend for it to be in the future too.

Resident-Equipment95 · 2021-06-02T14:29:04+00:00

I once tried Hinge and wrote about my love for science in my bio with the hopes of scaring off LVM and finding a HVM. The result? Immediately matched with a NVM who swiped just to say “nobody cares”. These apps don’t want women with genuine interests and lives; they exist to sell pickme sex-dolls to LVM. Don’t let yourself be one of them.

fairywakes · 2021-06-02T18:21:19+00:00

I don’t care how many feelings this hurts.

You know what hurt me more? The men I met through OLD who lied, cheated, and betrayed me. Future faked. Manipulative and sociopathic/narcissistic to a diagnosable threshold. Lied about STDs. Ghosted me after pretending to be genuine. Acted like Prince Charming, gave me all of their attention only to rip it away after finally getting sex. Men using me unknowingly as the ‘other woman’ while their WIFE still sleeping in his bed was unaware of his cheating.

Get the fuck off these apps. You are doing no good to yourself, and only catering to the LVM out there. All they do is have their cake and eat it too. This may be extreme but I am starting to be convinced you’re not much of an ally for women if you keep allowing yourself to be consumed like this. You keep allowing it to be the norm. No more!

ninefiveoneone · 2021-06-02T18:22:10+00:00

This is a hot take but it’s so true. I always get sucked back into OLD after a time because I forget it’s full of trash men. Invariably within a Week I’ve deleted it again, swearing to never return. 99% of the men I’ve met on there have been not just LVM but the bottom cesspool of scrotetrash. I’ve come across a handful of potential HVM on there and they either had just joined and would also have deleted it within days, or didn’t match for a few days because they were too busy living their lives to be constantly checking the app.

the odds are just not worth it. And I also find that I go on there without realizing there’s something odd or missing from my life, and I’m doing it more for escape or distraction or attention than I realize.

Just don’t . Ever.

raphaellastorm · 2021-06-02T18:39:30+00:00

I deleted all my dating apps this morning. It was really hard because I’m at an age where I feel a lot of pressure to “tie someone down.” But I hated being on the apps — it made me feel like a piece of meat. I received so many gross and demeaning messages from guys who really didn’t deserve any access to me. Also it is 100% true about them using your photos to masturbate. I entertained the idea of being in a relationship with a very LVM earlier this year who told me had been jacking off to my photos since we matched. So gross wtf.

laffytaggy · 2021-06-02T14:33:05+00:00

You are right. It’s so hard to accept tho. I do know a handful of women that met their husbands online, and they seem happy. But they all had genuine intentions of finding a partner, and I think that’s the minority of people on apps. I think some HV people do get on apps but probably don’t last long.

starfighter07 · 2021-06-02T14:50:55+00:00

I agree, OLD are such a waste of time for women... think about the many many things you could have done with all the time you spent : selecting your best pictures, writing a good bio, then selecting guys (who most of them are below the average physically AND mentally), then talking to them, suffering disappointement with their garbage personnality...

The only plus of OLD is for LGBTQ people. As a bi woman, I find it really difficult to find other women IRL without just ending being friend (and it is not me complaining about """"friendzoning""" : a lot of my amazing HVW friends are attracted to women but they are my friends first and foremost).

And still, you have to be careful because a lot of creepy dudes are hiding behind a girl profile (always ask for a face time !!!) or a lot of scrotes and their pick me GF are harrasing women to do threesome with them.

Gambit12345 · 2021-06-02T14:53:19+00:00

Shots fired!I dabbled in OLD twice because I was bored aka ignoring my needs and trying to find a quick fix by getting male attention. OLD wound up being just looking at ugly men with no stimulating conversation. OLD causes you to scrutinize yourself, like viewing yourself with a scrotey third person male gaze, guessing which combination of pics and words will attract a man who’s probably trash anyway. We have infinitely better ways to use our time. If we feel lonely we can find other avenues to socialize. You’re not missing anything by not being on OLD that’s for sure.

europoor24 · 2021-06-02T13:54:01+00:00

Never going back, I just have to remind myself of my past experience with it to be put off

alphasquish · 2021-06-02T19:50:19+00:00

I used OLD for a couple of months. That was enough. Met my most recent ex there. Met a couple of other guys off of it, but literally they all had significant personal issues going on with either exes or alcoholism. Several messaged me and even through those conversation I realized they were LV (classified by me at the time as obvious douche bags).

I met a couple of other guy IRL that I also though had potential but pretty quickly proved to also be d-bags.

That being said, I found OLD to be significantly more stressful. Weeding through bios, swiping, typing out messages, reading messages....it was draining. The pics with fish, gym pics, dudes putting kids in their profiles, all the “I love travel, food, and hiking”....yeah, like who the fuck doesn’t like those things to some extent. So outside of all that, it was boring and contrived. Bottom line, OLD and IRL you can technically meet someone, but with OLD the entire experience of using absolutely sucks in addition to the high prevalence of scrotes. I won’t ever do it again.

HomeGrownInDallas · 2021-06-02T15:14:41+00:00

I gave up OLD completely a few months ago when I discovered FDS. I have been pretty inactive on dating apps for the last year or so but FDS really made me pull the trigger.

FDS made me realize that OLD is a cesspool of LVM that, at least in my area, are average looking at best. I would find myself going out with men that I wasn’t even attracted to or men that look nothing like their pictures because surprise, MEN CATFISH TOO. They’ll use photos that are 5+ years old, only use group pics with their attractive friends, etc.

Even when I would find someone decent (notice that I didn’t say HV), it was always odd trying to date someone you met online. I knew nothing about their history, friends, family, upbringing, etc. I only knew what they wanted me to know.

I met one of my LV exes on bumble and we dated for 8 months before breaking up. It wasn’t until 2 years after breaking up that he reached out to me. He then told me that he actually had a felony for marijuana possession (he was actually a drug dealer) and was an avid cigarette smoker. All of this he hid from me in our relationship. I think he told me all of this in hopes I would swoon at his honesty and get back into a relationship with him. Nope, not this one. The funniest part is that he was the one who broke up with me for some bullshit reason.

OLD is basically a place for average-to-sub average looking men to find hookups. And those that are wanting a relationship can’t find a gf in real life for a reason so don’t be that sucker.

Condom-Ad-Don-Draper · 2021-06-02T22:29:58+00:00

An ex told me he swiped right on everyone on bumble, when I asked what about my profile he liked.

Dumped him shortly after.

pinkcityscape · 2021-06-02T15:25:43+00:00

Using it was definitely an eye opener into what other women dealt with and the man I’m currently seeing found me on CMB (it’s going well) but if it doesn’t work out with him I doubt I would return to using OLD ever again, I would much rather stay single or just meet someone randomly irl. The fact we are treated like commodities on these apps already gives me the ick let alone the men that use it...

secularwitch · 2021-06-02T23:09:14+00:00

THIS. Finally someone said it! I agree 100%. More reasons on quitting dating apps:

-It puts you in a place to be chosen. You are a person with depth and character. The sole idea of being chosen through few pics and shallow conversation is just icky.

-Dating app structure feeds your inner demons, which are pickmeisha tendencies we all have as we live in a sexist world. Feeding your inner demon with a crumb of food is not a good idea.

-HVW vision strongly opposes the idea of chasing a relationship & actively dating. Don't date for the sake of dating and secretly hoping one of them turns out to be good. Live your life, expand your circle and trust your luck. Only date when you've already establised a friendship with a person and you'd like to take things further. This mindset will not only save you time but also your NERVES too.

-It's a nerve-wrecking thing to deal with scrotes. As you cannot see through his personality at an instant, (I agree many are obvious with FDSer eyes, but also many more look decent at first glance but then he tries to put his dick in your mounth in 3rd date), you kinda have to figure out he's a lvm on the road. This will be painful, he'll get on your nerves. You'll get angry. Few recurring incidents later, you'll start losing your faith in HVMs.

-I definately stan for quitting dating bc 99% of the time we date because we want "the partner", which puts us in a vulnerable place, "the seeker" mindset. Don't expect "the one" from apps, blind dates or your friend's friends. Your the one is living the life you've always wished for and you'll meet him EFFORTLESSLY when you're living that life too.

From what I've experienced first hand and observed in other people, truely worthy HV relationships start when both parties are friends first. So there is no (percieved) pressure to be liked or to like. No pressure to entirely remove the person or keep him for eternity. Their characters unfold in time. Their compatability reveals in time. They sincerely care for each other. They sincerely enjoy similar activities. They share a similar life view. They like things in similar ways. If there's chemistry too, then things get serious.

catlady4u · 2021-06-02T15:32:24+00:00

I tried Tinder over 5 years ago. There was one 'meh' date with a 'separated' scrote, and one scrote who was content to waste my time and cancel dates until I finally blocked him.

arwenagon24999 · 2021-06-02T17:02:24+00:00

Calling it for what it is!! 100% agreed.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-06-02T14:32:01+00:00

I tried it briefly and I’ll never do it again. It was so bad. - One guy was obviously catfishing with someone else’s crazy buff fitness modeling pics - Another weirdly passive guy had failed at owning a bar (likely alcoholic) - Another guy tried to get sexual in comments immediately - the one guy I decided to meet was so painfully boring and looked like the runt of the litter.

sacchilax · 2021-06-02T17:24:39+00:00

Honestly the pure fact is that yes, while there may be a 1% chance of meeting a HVM on the app— how much time are you going to spend looking for that 1%?

Read that again.

YOU ARE SPENDING TIME LOOKING FOR THAT 1%!

Which is (as OP said) the literal definition of a pickme.

Delete the apps. Put the phone down. Go outside. Live your best life.

overachiever856 · 2021-06-02T21:07:14+00:00

I've been on the apps for a month or so. Went on one date that was ok but not worth pursuing.

Deleted. Deleted. Deleted. After reading this post.

I'm going to give myself a gold star for not sleeping with anyone from the app, and also for finding better things to do with my time from now on!

ragingchump · 2021-06-02T18:08:18+00:00

I gave it up 6 months ago for the same reasons i do very little social media...every use made me feel hollow inside.

I didnt feel more connected, engaged, excited - i felt less.

4evaneva · 2021-06-02T18:27:41+00:00

I’ve been staying off apps because I had bad experiences but four of my closest friends have all found HVM on them so I think I just had low standards due to childhood trauma. I am forever grateful to FDS for inspiring me to be comfortable in being alone and enjoying my own company as well as not wanting to settle. If I don’t meet him, I’m perfectly happy to be alone and still kick ass in my life!

Far_from_deceived · 2021-06-02T14:04:43+00:00

AWESOME Text!!! High value people don’t use dating apps!

DELETE YOUR DATING APPS!

boycottdatingapps

Yogacat4 · 2021-06-02T15:37:58+00:00

Right! It doesn’t considerable effort to be harassed by men in public just going about your day. Ahh! I just can’t imagine going through that effort. Got a successful business I love and my friends and hobbies to entertain!

Coolgirl42069nice · 2021-06-02T17:28:26+00:00

None of the dating app guys ever align with my values. I've tried and tried. They're always looking to hook up. They don't care about activism or advocacy, things that mean a lot to me but they sure pretend. I finally deleted them all after using them during my rebound /boredom from the pandemic. Guy's will lie thinking they're going to get laid. I saw a tik tok saying 40% of the men are already in relationships. Ahhh it's so true. I have never actually been interested in anyone I met from a dating app. And I've met a lot of guys at bars /restaurants. And a lot of them didn't even wanna meet in public or complained when they paid. LVM for sure. And I feel like my time spent on them was when I hadn't healed up and I was still being a pick me in a lot of ways.

Gologic34 · 2021-06-02T17:38:29+00:00

Yup x 1000

There is no dignified way to OLD and what are we without our dignity?

Hard. Pass.

Hmtnsw · 2021-06-02T18:38:12+00:00

I got into OLD after my breakup in Feb 2019.

I went inactive on OLD July 2019. I officially deleted my Tinder profile November 2019. So I've been out of "the game" for quite some time.

I decided that I didn't want to deal with men anymore and I decided to use that free time to learn a second language. Which has been so good to me, I managed to get a job that I love because of it and I've met some amazing people a long the way as well as learn about different cultures.

I think I found FDS January 2020, so right after I decided to completely leave OLD.

Since then, I've done a lot of reading and working on self development. And it seems the longer I stay single, the more comfortable I am with staying this way. After blowing my 20s away on a man at a college I wanted to go to and not focusing on my college, shit hits really fucking hard and I don't want my 30s to be the same.

I'm really looking forward to working my way towards my Master's and getting specific certifications in fields unrelated to my BSc and Master's I want to pursue. I'm looking forward to getting into sports I've always wanted to do but never did.

I hope to be able to reflect back on my 30s when I'm 40 and be able to remember all that I did and not go "What happened?" Like I am now reflecting back on my 20s. I feel like I lost my 20s and the cycle will end with me putting myself self FIRST.

lovekageyamakun · 2021-06-02T17:03:10+00:00

Last lockdown I was bored and decided to try a dating app. I texted this guy(clearly LVM) for two months and he told me about himself and suddenly one day out of nowhere he said that he lied all the while about his past dating life. I blocked him and deleted the app. I was also kinda embarrassed to tell my friends that I met him on a dating app. Even if the relationship progresses, imagine telling people that you met the love of your life on tinder/bumble😪 Very unromantic

esthermaniii · 2021-06-02T15:39:27+00:00

I’ll never download them again.

I’ve encountered too many weird and porn-sick men on there. One guy told me he creates comics in his spare time and proceeded to tell me about a comic he’s working on which involved a daughter being forced to “have sex”with her father because of some revenge plot creates by his enemies. To this day, I’m traumatised by that.

There’s a reason women have way more negative experiences on there. The men are terrible on those apps. Not worth it!! I’d rather spend my time reading, working, resting or doing something else I enjoy.

user10i8op · 2021-06-02T16:08:38+00:00

I really gotta move country cause I can't find no men here thats why I always feel like I need to resort to dating apps. I dont want to say where I live but pretty much all the men here are the exact same, with the same attitudes and all the same interests, every date ive went on here the guys have literally all just had the same interests, same manersism just same everything. Their only interest is watching football on tv and these are the kinda guys that would wear a football t-shirt to a fancy social event. Its like half the guys here are just clones or something lol. I hike, I go to cafes, I go to the library etc. Tbh there is not much going on where I live so its like where the hell else am I gonna go? I also dont have a huge social network either, I have like only two friends so I feel its even harder. We have one museum and its basically one that families go to, every-time ive been there its nothing but screaming kids, I aint never seen no cute sophisticated men there, not once. You know now that im thinking about I dont think I rarely ever see any cute sophisticated men where I live, even when I go further into town, there's a lot of rough areas where I live with a lot of men making trouble. Heck even the women here are a bunch of trashy pick me's, everyone just seems to have the same mindset here and they all dress like they found their clothes out of a dumpster and got dressed in the dark. Most places I go to its just elderly people and families and if I have ever seen any potential men they seem to be always taken. so like the only option now is me moving some other country. Im so tired of this place and I know in my heart that im never gonna meet anyone here but like moving country alone not knowing anyone or having a job there and starting from scratch scares the absolute shit out of me, I wouldn't even know where to begin to do something like that. I wouldn't just move because of the men tho, ive never liked where I was born and grew up, everyone is so boring and I just dont feel like anyone here is motivated or passionate and the weather sucks.

ayyymelees · 2021-06-02T18:34:16+00:00

This is so fucking true holy shit. I deleted my tindr a year ago, because I realized you really can't find a good relationship on there unless you're lucky. Its full of dudes who want an easy hookup. Ive been pushed into sexual situations I didnt expect to be in because I was young and naive. I was expecting a normal date but all 3 of them tried to make me have sex with them in their car after our dates and it was horrible. Never again.

On contrast, I've met 2 women on dating apps and they weren't creepy and the dates were genuine fun despite us not working out romantically. Still, I feel like its impossible to really connect with someone over a dating app. Its just not worth it. That energy is better spent on self care, hobbies, hanging out with friends, ect. Things that actually better you, enrich you and give you happiness.

mesmeriz · 2021-06-02T23:31:09+00:00

I have to agree with everything you said. Dating apps doesn’t work for straight women. However it is fantastic for LTBQ women.

Twohagsover30 · 2021-06-02T14:34:50+00:00

THIS.

prettyexcitingnews · 2021-06-02T15:32:38+00:00

Damn. I agree with everything you wrote. I was using dating apps on and off previously (quite religiously duh), and it took quite some time for me to finally completely stop using dating apps.

All you wrote is a hard pill to swallow cos dating apps are addictive and you feel like if you are on apps a bit more you might find the one... no no no. Literally there’s no hvm in the app. Plus using dating apps is a massive time waste. A subpar date to another subpar date... it’s really not getting better over time.

I still see some posts here about using dating apps but I sincerely hope that at least us on FDS boycott whole dating apps. It’s really toxic for women, and nothing good will come out of it despite how long you are using it.

hensbanex · 2021-06-02T13:56:15+00:00

I totally agree. I do not date strangers, and I especially don’t look for dates on an online app which isn’t very secure and expose myself and my info to who knows what kind of men.

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-06-02T20:05:18+00:00

I used tinder on and off when I had moved to new cities and didn't know people yet. I was super vulnerable and should NOT have been on there, nothing good came of it at all. Way better to focus your attention on making a good friend group! The majority of my single friends are on Tinder and I just don't see it bringing them anything good. They are gorgeous women but suffer from low self esteem (like I did) and use the app as like a temporary bandaid.

Unrelated but I was hanging out with my guy friend the other day and we were talking about dating. He mentioned something like "well, you probably do the online stuff. I just can't do it myself." I've been super pissed at him about the comment since it just seems like a neg. I've used the apps in the past but it's been over a year now and I just felt kind of insulted by him saying that. Maybe he meant since it's so common among our age group but I do find that the women on there tend to be super pick me and insecure.

fak_beauty_standards · 2021-06-02T14:23:23+00:00

OLD is where shit happens. However, many of us don't have wide social network.

myoklife · 2021-06-02T13:49:53+00:00

Love it! 💕using OLD = pickme.

Literally 😂

Don't forget those 🤡🤡 swiping you while in they're 💩 in the 🚽

azureangel35 · 2021-06-02T14:50:49+00:00

This might get hate sis but you are 100% correct. Do you all know what would happen if we ALL got off OLD? Scrotes would have to level up or buy sex dolls and let's be real, none could afford them. If we all stopped OLD, didn't Netflix and chill and demanded the respect we deserve, they would literally be forced to evolve or die celibate. Viva La Revolution queens.

fruitbageltea · 2021-06-02T20:22:43+00:00

Thank you for putting into words what I’ve always felt while using OLD. Last year I’ve keep installing and reinstalling apps (usually by pressure of my now fired male shrink), but nothing good came out of it. The premises of OLD are simply faulty. Otherwise, I couldn’t keep conversations and swiping simply because I am busy living my life (working, having fun, working out etc) - which is a HV trait that I look on men too. A HVM will be busy living his life, not swiping aimlessly in his couch for hours. So I quit OLD definitely.

HengroenAndLlamrei · 2021-06-02T23:56:41+00:00

Tried it. Can confirm.

aquietsword · 2021-06-03T01:04:12+00:00

If anyone is ever tempted, just visit some of the OLD subs around here and it should immediately turn you off lol

honeybeeroll · 2021-06-02T19:15:44+00:00

AGREE! Like could you technically meet a good guy on an app? Sure. Is it worth the ENDLESS litany of scrotes you have to talk to and go on dates with? No, not for 99% of women. It really screwed with my self esteem. And just made me so frustrated. It was a big factor to my stopping dating. The idea of having to have yet another one of those ~get to know you~ app convos or dates makes me want to hurl myself through a f*cking window lol.

I only know 2 decent men who used dating apps - my brother when he met his wife 6 yrs ago, and my friend's current bf of nearly a year (jury is still out him but he seems alright). Unicorns indeed.

Literally any lvm within your filter range has free access to your photos and could even screenshot them to wank to later. Lvm's ranging from 1 to 10 in the looks department all have equal access to you and that's not flattering.

This is soooooooooo true. I only ever used Facebook friendly pics on my profiles but still, all my social media has always been private and I'm so careful with keeping pics of myself hidden, and yet I willingly shared pics of my face with random, unknown men? Gross. You're so right

EDIT: Ladies if you're going to use OLD please keep in mind many guys swipe right on everyone. I'm sure you've gotten plenty of opening messages from guys that make it clear they didn't even read the little bit of info they put in your bio right? That's because they didn't, because they barely looked at you, as they swiped right on everyone. My friend saw a dude on the subway once swipe through his entire swipe limit in a few mins. He was going so fast he didn't even have time to read the women's names. If you meet a guy on OLD, consider it likely that he did the same.

namasdating · 2021-06-02T19:28:33+00:00

My former Pickme self, loves these hard truths

elainejay82 · 2021-06-03T00:57:23+00:00

Amen!

OLD = dumpster diving

Not to mention exposure to more freaks and dangerous men than we would usually get in a typical day (which is already just plenty).

Every time I've mentioned it on FDS, pickmes freak tf out. They're like "Don't take away my precious!"

High standards and strong boundaries, ladies. We don't have time for anything less.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-06-03T06:58:57+00:00

...deleting now.

fancypantsdance92 · 2021-06-03T11:14:48+00:00

I'm so glad to see more women in this sub embracing this. I made a couple of posts on this and a few people disagreed at the time.

I quit because it felt tacky. I live in a small town and people could easily see that I was on there. I felt cheaper for being on it. It also got me into some nasty cycles with men: meet, date, get attached, get nexted, sit on the app and find a replacement.

Dating apps are for broken people looking for a cheap, quick rebound and I know this because I was one.

I_am_so_lost_again · 2021-06-02T15:05:39+00:00

Personally, I have to thank OLD for me meeting my HVM Fiancé. We are both busy AF and while our hobbies overlapped, we were in completely different groups. Our paths would have never crossed without OLD. We both were on OLD just for fun, not expecting anything from it, we just clicked and it worked out.

I think OLD has its place, but it requires a lot of work and vetting. I met a lot of LVMs but to say no HVMs do OLD isn't right. You have to just be smart about it.

hikurangi2019 · 2021-06-02T23:17:56+00:00

I was addicted to OLD... then fds slapped me out of it too.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-06-03T01:43:30+00:00

I think it’s always been a pickme behavior.

🤷🏻‍♀️

I just didn’t realize that was the fundamental reason I’ve always felt skeeved out by OLD. Thank you for this moment of clarity.

entpgirl415 · 2021-06-02T18:35:36+00:00

In my experience even if I find someone somewhat interesting, I’m way too bored to write to someone online for more than a day or two that I’ve never met before. Like what’s the point? I always end up ghosting them after writing back and forth with them for a few days. I’ve met 3 guys from the apps and they were all LVM and v boring. Sure they were cute (I’m mentioning this bc ever pickme friend of mine kept bringing this up as if it should have driven me to keep talking/going on dates w them) but that wasn’t even close to enough for what I need for a relationship. I barely like texting dudes that I’ve met in real life before 🤣🤣🤣. A majority of them are just so boring

Radfemdankmemes · 2021-06-02T14:21:04+00:00

Lol thank you! A year ago I was blasted here for pointing out that OLD is for desperate women. Glad to see the sub is evolving past it lol

ferociouslycurious · 2021-06-02T17:56:25+00:00

I’ll play. Not an active profile in >14 years but sometimes surf to read between the lines and remind myself why they’re trash. Like the psychiatrist with liver spots on his bald head who claims to be 50? Puh-leaze. 50 still looks young to me (late 40s here). Porn + immaturity + manipulation, probably a narcissist. “Carefree”? Immaturity and wants a mommy/maid/slut whose needs he’ll ignore. Etc.

JohnThena · 2021-06-02T20:59:15+00:00

As a Gen Z woman, the HUGE importance placed on dating apps right now made me feel so hopeless and isolated when I was single in college. Because I could not for the life of me imagine exposing myself like a little clown for people to pick or toss at will. And I also don't want to waste my time looking at people like I'm flipping through a catalogue, and creating false impressions over something as superficial as what song they listen to, or a bunch of photos they thought looked best...

And my college friends *never* missed an opportunity to pester me for not installing Tinder anytime the topic of relationships came out and I had nothing to contribute to the conversation, as if that somehow took away my right to feel lonely or sad about being single, and as if *that's* where all the quality people were hiding, otherwise "how are you gonna meet someone?". I've seen and heard how men swipe and talk about what they see on dating apps, and don't ever want to subject myself to that

pugaczalla · 2021-06-02T15:29:26+00:00

While I do agree with some of your points like thoughts on Tinder (I also never used it for the same reason) or ‘selling’ yourself online, I don’t agree at all that a HVM would never use a dating app.

Why?

Because my ex was against dating apps for many reasons. He was exactly what on the surface women here would consider HV: highly educated and intelligent, good career, plenty of interesting hobbies, very well read, dancer, social. He was also a pick up artist and red piller, low in EQ, bad partner, terrible lover and was emotionally unavailable and sexually coercive if not abusive. One of his role models was a guy who divorced his wife who had cervical cancer at 27 (while she was still recovering) because he no longer ‘saw himself in this relationship’ and who was a job jumping techbro. He straight up admired that this guy has guts to reach for whatever he wanted.

So yeah, he was always busy with his hobbies, work, self-development, sports (marathon runner), education and learning. Basically everything what FDS encourages. Hell, I seemed to appear LV next to him because I never had so much going on around me.

Meeting a man organically doesn’t mean that he is HV. If anything, I’m now much more wary of men who appear to be outwardly confident. Is he secretly a narcissist red piller? Does he care only about himself? Is he a misogynist? Is he going to dump me the second I no longer serve him a purpose?

I definitely agree that dating apps are LVM cesspools. Especially Tinder. I agree that you have to plough through hundreds of profiles to find someone all right. I agree that it isn’t the best way for women to meet quality men. But no, organically meeting a man who is busy with all the things that you listed and is against using dating apps doesn’t guarantee that he is HV at all.

Edit: I wrote by mistake that ‘my ex was not against dating apps’ and corrected it

lunatigre · 2021-06-02T18:41:34+00:00

I have never used OLD. Most of my boyfriends I have met in exciting organic ways that make for super romantic "how did you meet" stories. They feel lucky to have had a chance meeting with me when I was single and just living my best life and they don't squander the opportunity. If they knew I created a dating profile and matched with them it would have completely altered the dynamic from day one and killed the allure and excitement.

I've seen how OLD has changed the dating landscape (I started dating a few years before it even existed). It commodifies people. It cheapens the whole experience of meeting someone. No thank you!

pikkpie · 2021-06-03T05:26:13+00:00

They(men) waste time and are very disrespectful in the app. Attractive men are disrespectful as well. I think it's a waste if emotional energy too. I deleted it because I was tired of men's shenanigans

raphaellastorm · 2021-06-03T05:42:32+00:00

I want to add too that being on the apps is just inviting a bit of male depravity into your life every day that over time weakens and erodes your standards. I’m ashamed to say I actively used tinder and SO many men said the creepiest things to me. One man asked me what I was looking for once and I told him (I was experimenting with different replies) that I was looking for the love of my life. He replied he was looking for a “fwb.” I responded thats quite different from my goal and he still had the audacity to ask if I was open to it. I was having a particularly bad day so I responded and said if I wanted that there were at least 100 guys I could find in the next hour to meet for that. He quickly unmatched. That same story played out many times while I was using the apps and it was just shocking. Were these men that depraved? Something about the apps convinces men that they don’t have to treat us as human because we are just pictures to them to masturbate to. That’s no way to meet someone for the purpose of dating and the fact our society accepts it as normal is deranged. It allows us to believe all we are our looks and we should be objectified for them. Don’t invite that into your life ladies!!!

restlessGal · 2021-06-03T07:24:13+00:00

Before I found out I was demi I installed Tinder for fun with my friend and made a joke account. Soon after I changed it to a personal profile since I was looking for validation and I was curious who would pick me solely based on my looks (dumb af).

Not long after I matched with a guy who looked good and we talked a bit. We found out we have the same birthdays and after 2 days of talking or so he asked if I’d like to go out. I told him I’m not looking for a relationship and then he was like “I didn’t mean it that way”. I was like ok whatever I’m usually shy and reserved so why not try something new

He was nice when we met don’t get me wrong but tbh I didn’t have that much time meeting a stranger and I didn’t even have any expectations out of it so I cannot imagine how I would’ve felt if it was a date. I just couldn’t be too bothered by all of it. Plus I think he was indeed hitting on me subtly even tho he was one year younger and I already specified I don’t want anything.

What I mean to say, these apps are weird as fuck. You pick people based on looks and just that. Most don’t even read your bio so it’s extremely superficial.

Immediate_Treat5141 · 2021-06-02T18:04:08+00:00

Finding a high value man on a dating app is like finding a needle in a haystack. They are very few and far between. As a Christian woman, a man who has a strong relationship with God is at the top of my list of standards. None of the men I’ve encountered on there meet that criteria

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-06-02T14:53:59+00:00

[deleted]

blondetech · 2021-06-02T19:58:05+00:00

I got lucky and found a HVM on hinge. But he came into my life after many dates with LVM so it’s definitely not likely or easy. I actually liked to use OLD as a FDS training process to practice the ideologies on men (boys) who I didn’t care about and see how they responded. It also really helped me to figure out what I wanted in a relationship.

YesNoMaybe87 · 2021-06-02T17:57:45+00:00

Unpopular opinion: I liked bumble most because I wasn’t being bombarded with gross messages. I could interact at my pace and with whom I wanted. Yes, most men on there are trash. I did meet a guy with HVM traits and we are now engaged. But never stop vetting.

victoriabowen8 · 2021-06-02T21:39:15+00:00

Meh, I think it truly comes down to properly vetting more than anything. OLD is a dumpster fire for sure but that's why we vet and learn how to spot the red flags early on so we can avoid the bulk of LVM on there. I met my ex husband (together 12 years, still great friends), another man who was a significant part of my life and now my current bf on plenty of fish and I have no regrets about any of it but I also went into OLD it with very low expectations and very high standards and I vetted super hard so my contact with LVM men was minimal. I knew I was looking for a unicorn and I truly believe I found one - this man literally checks every box for me! I'm a homebody, I work from home and I have no interest in joining any clubs or anything like that so the chances of me meeting a HVM in the wild was extremely low. OLD allowed me to cast a wider net - I just made sure to use a net that had big holes so I only scooped the big fish ;P

I'm happy and that's all that matters to me :)

Maude2010 · 2021-06-02T16:16:40+00:00

There are some HVM on dating apps, but they are breathtakingly rare and they usually only last a few weeks. It’s not worth the investment of time and energy to try to find one of them. That time/energy is better spent on literally anything else.

Thetruthisneeded · 2021-06-03T00:35:25+00:00

This is just another one of the things that I find wrong about this sub smh

There's so much judgement.

A HIGH VALUE man is, too, struggling to find HIGH VALUE women! Now, women are higher value in general BUT, the majority of women are low value just by virtue of having low self-esteem. And, it doesn't matter the career status, body size, or attractiveness, low value women are in every arena alongside those high value men.

Sooooo, a high value WILL have to put in work to find a high value woman. Which could include using an app or dating service.

And, in the case of women and men, using an app or service doesn't relegate that person to stalking an app or service, they simply could utilize it to have a line in the water.

Shit, I know plenty of low value people who refuse to use the apps--so, not being in the app doesn't make them high value.

As an example: I don't use any substances, I don't want to date or marry anyone who does--what are the odds that I'll run into any substantial amount of men who don't in everyday life?????????????????? But, the apps allow me to have a better attempt at curating the men that I'm exposed to.

What about those who currently are in an area where there aren't that many available, high value people, where are they meeting or being exposed to a specific group of people who fit their criteria????

I feel like some people on this sub sit in their chair and analyze every area of life and come up with an ABSOLUTE for it smh

A high value person is going to utilize resources available to them to get the results they desire, and act in a way and only accept treatment that honors themself.

katiekat0214 · 2021-06-02T16:56:14+00:00

After being widowed, I tried apps for maybe 15 minutes, which was about 14.5 minutes too long. And... this. L/NVM, just wanting hookups, and to me as a demisexual (have to have a connection first, or I feel nothing), just blah. Even if there was interest on both sides, I never once had a date at all, it was ALL texting! I'd download, delete, and did that a few times, then came to my senses. No HVM is going to be on one; he, like me, is going to be out living his best life, and DOING things. If I ever meet anyone again -- and I'm 53, twice married, widowed 2016, divorced 90s -- it has to be *organically*, as in out in the real world, doing stuff, having fun, being active. Nothing less will do. And being an older woman with experience, I'd also be super up-front about even if we are long term, there would only ever be living apart together: separate houses, separate finances, his kids, his business. I want my house, my way, my terms. I own my territoriality and my introversion.

mynamenotnob · 2021-06-02T19:38:11+00:00

Overall I definitely agree! It’s exhausting. It also makes it harder to meet people these days.

I’m wondering if it’s a country-by-country thing because my close friend met her wonderful partner that is from a small aristocratic family, owns a chateau, is a political commentator, and wrote a book, and absolutely adores her...on tinder in France! Tinder!!!! When she told me, I was shocked! She doesn’t tell most people in the US how they met. She is French but had lived in the US for a while.

In my case the only high value man I can think of that I met on a dating app...was French! He was lovely but sadly I couldn’t feel attraction no matter how much I wanted to.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-06-03T02:15:11+00:00

https://shanisilver.medium.com/nancy-jo-sales-the-corporate-takeover-of-dating-80a73d5384fc

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-06-03T03:25:27+00:00

THANK YOU for posting this. I see way too many posts questioning males shitty behavior starting with “we met on OLD...” Well, there’s your problem right there... these are literal strangers. I lose interest in reading any further on these posts because it’s all the same. There are no quality men on there, and if you believe otherwise you are fooling yourself. Dating apps don’t care about women’s wellbeing. Rape is reported all the time to them and they do nothing. I’d rather not be a commodity to get men off and make someone else rich. How utterly degrading.

chasingshoesales · 2021-06-03T05:24:21+00:00

This post really got me thinking and I have to agree. I’ve been off the apps since my last boyfriend and don’t expect to go back.

However what do you think of friend apps like Bumble? I’m moving to a new city and don’t know anyone. Are HVW using apps like Bumble to meet other HVW?

MissGalaxy1986 · 2021-06-03T12:15:20+00:00

I’m going on a date after a 40 minute video call with this a guy I met online. He’s successful and well-travelled and so far so good. He invited me to a really nice restaurant this weekend. I’m looking forward to it!

Personally dating apps are fine as long as you don’t rely on them. They’re great especially if you’re in your 30’s and want to have biological children and want to maximize your options. I think society is changing and there’s no need to shame people for using them. Instead we should focus on using them more intelligently. I have relatives who like to say “it’s better to meet someone in real life..” ya no shit Sherlock, especially when you tell the story of how you met it’s more romantic to than saying you met on Tinder 😂. But truly I think love takes priority over “romance” cause in the end who cares how you meet if it’s the love of your life we’re talking about. I think FDS doesn’t oppose them but doesn’t actively encourage them? Not sure what the stance is honestly.

Apparently in the not too distant future the majority of marriages will have formed online.. And there’s this..

From the WSJ link below “Researchers from the University of Chicago found that more than a third of U.S. marriages between 2005 and 2012 started online—and that online couples have longer, happier marriages. The study of more than 19,000 participants, published in 2013 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that the “relationship quality” of partners who meet online may be higher—and the rate of separation or divorce lower—than for partners who meet offline.”

https://www.google.es/amp/s/www.wsj.com/amp/articles/dating-apps-are-making-marriages-stronger-11567094310

kcnitte · 2021-06-04T13:56:48+00:00

I tried it before and I didn’t really like it to be honest. Some people say try it because there’s no harm but it made me question my self more. Like why am I doing this? Is there no other stuff I can put my time on? And why are these men so subpar, below average when it comes to chatting/communicating? All they want is to get laid basically. I was so naive thinking maybe there’s someone good, but I just need to endure meeting a a lot of losers. Does that mean I’m also a loser? Hell no, I am not. So I quit and decided to work on my self. I want to better myself, take care of myself. If there’ll be someone HV someday, sure I will welcome the idea of having a partner. But for now, I’m good. I don’t want weak men bringing stress in my life :D

hotandreadynukes · 2021-06-06T16:35:00+00:00

Thanks for this post. I've had mine just to see what's out there but it's just not worth the risk and all the men I've seen on the app so far are ugly, boring and very likely only want an on call fleshlight. I'm done

stevebuscemispenis · 2021-06-06T19:20:06+00:00

About a year ago I moved to a different city and my best friend convinced me to download Hinge because “it’s different”.....

After making my profile, no exaggeration, in the span of a minute I received the most disgusting message from some sultana looking old scrote talking about doing drugs and having sex with me. Never again. The sheer audacity.

MissGalaxy1986 · 2021-06-02T19:54:54+00:00

My brother (who is someone I look up to and a bonafide HVM) met his wife on there and they’re happily married. Also her brother met his wife on a Christian dating app and they’re very happy. All of them highly educated (my sister in law and her brother attended the Ivy Leagues) So it can happen. I know many successful active people who use them. You just have to be smart about who you chose to meet.

Intelligent_Poem4 · 2021-06-02T22:57:11+00:00

I was wondering if it’s okay to just want casual conversation without intentionally looking for dating. I found a newer app with less users that let you connect based on MBTI which of course isn’t in depth or a good determinate of finding people on its own. But you can choose if you’re looking for men, women, or both and friends, a relationships, or both. Sometime people I’ve come across are fairly decent and are all for the bs but of course it’s hard to tell until getting to know them. Some people seem genuinely focused on friends or likeminded people that seem driven, intelligent, passionate, etc. Is it still considered OLD if options can be just friends or just browsing for likeminded people?

I’ll admit tinder is trash and was not at all good for my mental health or time. I have found some mentally stimulating people but currently have spent more time elsewhere to talk with a variety of people

libramo0n · 2021-06-03T03:01:31+00:00

I needed to read this today, thank you.

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