Apparently having an emergency savings fund as a woman and not explicitly saying so to your male partner is “financial infidelity.” 🤨🙄

creamtart_ · 2021-09-15T02:30:10+00:00

🙄🙄🙄

They can bitch when they’ve had to use hidden money to escape a dangerous relationship, trying to protect their children and selves.

Not all men but ENOUGH men to justify having a fuck off fund. Don’t listen to this drivel. PROTECT YOURSELVES LADIES.

Praximaros · 2021-09-15T01:09:13+00:00

In other words, Scrote has a live-in girlfriend that he goes 50/50 with and is stunned to find out that she has a personal savings account.

Platipus6 · 2021-09-15T03:19:47+00:00

With the second issue, she could have been less transparent by referring to her “get out” fund as her “personal emergency fund,” which may have spared your feelings

yeah lol when I'm in so much danger I'm considering escaping I'm totally going to stop and perform emotional labor for my abusers feelings get fucked

millennialpink2000 · 2021-09-15T01:06:00+00:00

Good thing the comments are all calling this BS

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-09-15T00:25:30+00:00

You can’t win when you try to maintain independence as a woman. “Hi, baby. Just want to let you know before we move in together that I have 5K in my personal savings that you can’t have access to.” LVM will still throw a fit, they’ll feel entitled to it, they’ll feel pressured by it, etc.

Gold digging men have no shortage of audacity.

NinjaCynic · 2021-09-15T01:47:07+00:00

Cheating on a woman by paying for strippers, sex workers, OnlyFans, etc is also financial infidelity. I'm not buying their bullshit for a second.

shockingupdate · 2021-09-15T03:53:23+00:00

The author’s “helpful” suggestions sound menacing as hell. He was fine before she knew she had her own money, but now it’s “start a joint account! Make specific financial goals with each other! Turn finances into a much bigger deal in your relationship than it ever was!” Even thought there’s only one person here feeling poor. Basically all those suggestions boil down to, “Make her build up your bank account with you!!!”

Weekly-Choice8407 · 2021-09-15T00:22:28+00:00

So even if every thing is great, one is never obligated to share every little thing. Not every thought, every penny, every possession. Being in a relationship doesn’t equal you merge your entire being.

randomgirlimok · 2021-09-15T01:41:15+00:00

If you’re not married, you are not entitled to know every last detail of their bank accounts

Feministtiktok · 2021-09-15T04:31:07+00:00

Did they just say a woman not getting permission from her boyfriend to save HER OWN earned money is just as bad as having a sexual affair? WTF. He doesn’t own her. Why does she need his permission? It’s her money. Her job. Her bank account. Nobody says this stuff to men. The fact nobody even sees how sexist this is makes me so livid

ariadn3-268 · 2021-09-15T01:30:11+00:00

HOLY GUACAMOLE

"""fiNanCiaL inFiDeLiTY"""

Oh, so, making and saving MY OWN money when we're not even married is "cheating"??? TF???

😡

catlady4u · 2021-09-15T00:27:37+00:00

Anything to control women, WTF. Hide your money well.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-09-15T02:23:53+00:00

This is the dumpest shit I've read today.

He should learn to communicate better 🤡

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-09-15T04:59:10+00:00

The whole point of that article is to pretend that men hiding money is the same thing as women having separate money to escape an abusivo relationship. Yea. Let’s all pretend that men don’t abuse women; women don’t need escape bank accounts and the sex’s are equal. Woo hoo!

Whoever wrote the article or thought it was a good idea clearly ignores the obvious discrepancy in intimate partner violence. Let’s all play pretend!!

Nonnasaysfuckoff · 2021-09-15T00:27:03+00:00

They can choke on their scrote tears and fuck right off. Pathetic little losers! Ladies always have a back up plan and hidden funds, you can't trust these men for real.

blackmetalbetty · 2021-09-15T02:46:39+00:00

The goal is psychological warfare. Always being made to believe you're mistreating them, asking too much of them, or slighting them in some way. Not giving a shit is the best weapon for things like this. The day you wake up and decide you don't give a shit if the world thinks you're a goldigger, an architect of drama for some defenseless dude, or some other shebeast is the day nobody can touch you. I realize this sounds dramatic but it's true.

buzzkillyall · 2021-09-15T02:47:04+00:00

This may SEEM unrelated, but: I am an older woman, and I was married to an even older man. He died. I have widow's benefits for all my life, provided that I never remarry. That includes a tiny monthly amount, not enough to pay even half of any rent for most of the US, BUT: health insurance for life, for me. From what I understand, some of the US military has similar regulations.

An attempt was made to SHAME me for not getting married to the first person that asked, after my beloved husband's death. Because I must be a shit person if I "care more about money that being (new guy's) wife". Whelp, I guess I'm a shit person, because there would have to be one hell of a financial payout for me to give up my beloved husband's sacrifice and contribution to my future, just to be called "wife" by another man.

I truly think that no man would have been pressured to make such a financial sacrifice just to avoid the negative social status (?) of being unmarried(?) I don’t know why so many people seemed so invested in seeing me married off again ASAP.

The guy in the article is INCAPABLE of seeing her perspective. It's all me me me. I would dump him just for his self-absorbtion and lack of empathy. Major ick.

plutoniumwhisky · 2021-09-15T01:04:39+00:00

My mother calls that mad money. When you get mad at your spouse, you have backup.

kwallio · 2021-09-15T04:19:34+00:00

He 100% wants access to that money. I would put money down that they have a joint bank account that he dips into more than she does.

BarbwireBoots · 2021-09-15T01:34:32+00:00

Is this dude putting a ring on this woman’s finger? No? Not yet? He can STFU

She’s paying her end. What’s he spending his money on?

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-09-15T05:56:44+00:00

we split everything

She has a nice cushion of money

Gold digging scrote. What? Does he want her to split her emergency fund too?

I don't know how to organize my feelings

That's not her problem. It's his. Emotionally stunted men don't get a pass just because their feefees look like foreign thing to them

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-09-15T07:11:18+00:00

Let's reflect for a moment on how nefarious it is to tell someone that if they have an emergency fund it means they're not all in in their relationship. That is so disgustingly manipulative.

I guarantee this guy is already abusing her and that's why he's upset. He wants to make sure she can't get away from him. He also he also wants that money because he's a greedy POS. It is certainly not that he's "confused and doesn't know what he feels". He knows exactly what the fuck he feels.

misscyansiren · 2021-09-15T02:43:53+00:00

LVM and control freak go hand-in-hand

Turbulent_Buffalo_28 · 2021-09-15T04:49:17+00:00

Oh and btw not sure how law works in your country, but if you are married and got some saving that were yours, if you divorce without having any prenup contract, you need to share your savings 🤡🤡🤡 be careful ladies

Champagne_bitch · 2021-09-15T07:15:14+00:00

Not yet married but, want the women to have no savings on her own. Tell me again who is the gold digger? 😂😂

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-09-15T02:03:19+00:00

Financial. Infidelity.

Fuck off forever, Refinery 29.

otroniveI · 2021-09-15T02:52:30+00:00

They’re mad women no longer need their permission to open up a bank account but still want to control you.

thyroidcrp · 2021-09-15T04:20:49+00:00

My GRANDMA has always encouraged me and my cousins to have a back-up account “just in case.” She even does the obligatory check in on the wedding day lol. It’s bullshit that a woman making herself secure is making men INSECURE.

tomaito_tomarto · 2021-09-15T04:21:24+00:00

The response sounds like it's written by someone with no experience in relationships turning abusive and being unable to leave. It should be normalised to teach women to set some funds aside incase their partner turns violent and tries to control you by keeping you poor.

putequitue · 2021-09-15T02:28:03+00:00

My ex (boyfriend not husband) was extremely interested throughout Covid as to whether or not I was getting a stimulus check and how much. Same interest in my tax refunds, bonuses, etc. I always lied and said “guess I’m not getting anything” then stashed the money or used it to pay down my debt. He would have had me blow it on him. Did I mention he didn’t have a job of his own? So glad I got away from that loser.

annalmsw · 2021-09-15T02:38:56+00:00

The man I’m dating has no idea how large of a cushion I have saved, and that’s how I’ll keep it. I’ve worked harder for my money than he has for his. It’s ALL MINE.

arnezuara · 2021-09-15T04:46:51+00:00

He hates that she “used” him to “subsidize” her lifestyle & used it to her advantage.

Loud_Foundation_9300 · 2021-09-15T01:38:02+00:00

God I remember when my ex tried to force me to close my bank account and get a joint one with him. He said it was because I was irresponsible and he didn’t trust how I spent my money. He even tried to get his mom in on convincing him (which she did actually try lol). We had been dating just a few months and only because at the time I was going through a rough patch moving across the country and needed somewhere to stay (oops).

LittleMissChopShop · 2021-09-15T02:38:33+00:00

One thing I haven't heard anyone talk about is how he found out about the emergency fund? He hasn't talked to her about it, and I'm not sure she knows he knows?

Endor-Fins · 2021-09-15T01:41:04+00:00

Even my Nana who was a doted-on, happy well-kept housewife told me that women should always have enough money to flee if they have to and my wonderful HV grandfather agreed with her. My mom went one step further and had a suitcase of clothes, meds and copies of all her legal documents and ID stashed at a male friend’s house and a go bag in the trunk of the car.

OkCantaloupe7369 · 2021-09-15T06:14:11+00:00

Wow, this scrote's going to have a shit fit when she inherits money and he finds out he's not legally entitled to any of it, even as a common law partner or spouse.

Kampungmonyet · 2021-09-15T05:53:06+00:00

Her only mistake was not to hide the money better.

missyanne1 · 2021-09-15T02:08:27+00:00

Ok 1. They aren’t married so he’s not entitled to know every detail of her finances 2. After this past year who wouldn’t have an emergency fund 3. Having a backup plan in case a relationship goes bad is smart for any woman

shelballama · 2021-09-15T09:16:47+00:00

He suggests "financial dates" to discuss those separate funds that are none of his business? To help the guy's insecurity? GTFO of here. So freaking ridiculous.

Clearly Paco doesn't understand domestic risks even though he very briefly and vaguely alluded to the unequal power dynamic in most hetero relationships.

She's allowed to have a safety net; this could be the thing that saves her life. But of course, it's about him

FiNaNciAl InFiDeLiTy, give me a fucking break

BasieSkanks · 2021-09-15T10:57:15+00:00

Notice how he mentioned that she had a "nice cusion" of money. I think he's jealous of the amount she has saved and is angry he does not have access to it.

Also, this financial adviser is giving terrible advice. Opening a joint account puts your credit rating at risk. If he decides to run the account into the minus or his credit is bad, it will affect her.

Initial-Glove · 2021-09-15T01:16:25+00:00

I wish I would have had "get out" money...

I probably never would have "gotten in" in the first place

shljock · 2021-09-15T10:05:53+00:00

Jfc they can't physically beat us anymore so they try to emotionally beat us with shaming. Fuck right off with equating "being all in the relationship" with "not being able to escape it should things turn ungealthy or dangerous". Fuck off fuck off FUCK OFF. You don't owe anyone saying everything about yourself, your security plan or your past. Not husband, not parents, not therapist, not priests. And especially not your bOyFriEnD

colderhands · 2021-09-15T02:47:26+00:00

I hope the girl uses her Get-Out money and gets out of this relationship

ExampleHuman8777 · 2021-09-15T02:47:41+00:00

Ridiculous that emergency get out funds even needs to be explained.

Amazing_Wolverine_37 · 2021-09-15T01:51:25+00:00

If I hadn't always set aside money to some degree, which was absolutely 100% meant for myself and my previous partner, they would have completely ruined me financially. That after my work got us both 750+ credit scores.

aeorimithros · 2021-09-15T07:13:37+00:00

Guarantee the revelation that it was a get put fund came after a long series or badgering and harassment by him to gain access to that money as she went through a list or explanations of why it wasn't to be touched by anyone but her.

CroneRaisedMaiden · 2021-09-15T07:54:11+00:00

That article filled me with instant dread

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2021-09-15T11:37:19+00:00

Haha NO! God, scrotes are the biggest gold diggers in existence and enable each other.

Emergency savings is not financial infidelity and is actually a pragmatic way of living. I have always heard having a 'rainy day'/ 'FO' fund equal to 3 to 6 months is important because things in life can go sideways. Covid has proven that.

I bet he is having a toddler temper-tantrum because he can't get all of her money even after snooping to find out about it and pestering her for access - so now is trying to publicly shame her via this article. It is glorious seeing the comments calling the thing BS, it blew up in the scrote's face!

Shot_Presence_8382 · 2021-09-15T14:26:16+00:00

I had saved money for maternity leave when I was pregnant with baby #2. I told him about it, because, ya know, he was my husband and thought I could trust him. Shame on me, I know 😒 anyways, long story short, I was adding money (cash) into the box I was saving the money in, and I discovered that almost ALL my savings were gone!! I asked my husband about it and he apparently was dipping into my maternity leave savings, KNOWING WHAT THEY WERE FOR and depleted it. So, once the baby rolled around, I had nothing saved..his job didn't pay much at all and we had to beg his parents for food, diapers, wipes, etc until I could go back to work after 7 weeks. I had a C-section, so I was still sore heading back to work and would've liked to stay out 8 weeks, but I couldn't afford it. Later on, he denied it all and said it was OUR money.. bullshit, it was from MY checks for MY maternity leave that he legit STOLE! He continued to financially abuse me for years by taking every last dime I had for weed, cigarettes, gas for the car, etc. My money was always "our" money and his money was always HIS. He treated my stuff and money as "community property" and his stuff was always his and he'd become enraged if I touched or used it. Men hate when women have financial freedom. They want to keep a woman down and poor so she has to rely on him, and thus he can abuse her and he feels it's justified.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-09-15T14:34:27+00:00

It’s not even his wife, it’s his “partner”. Dude, gtfo. Be glad she splits half the bills. You are not entitled to her savings. What a fucking loser.

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-09-15T04:38:17+00:00

Oh, fuck that fucking advice. Financial infidelity. Fuck that guy hard.

s_slayer · 2021-09-15T19:12:15+00:00

I've lurked on "men's rights" subs (now defunct with good reason, breeding mass shooters and totally toxic) and they literally encourage each other to invest in crypto to hide it from their partners, to get iron clad pre-nups or just to not marry at all so they never have to give a penny to the women they string along for years. It enrages me that any man would have a problem with a woman having a get out fund when they have built a whole culture around leaving us high and dry. SMH.

Yogacat4 · 2021-09-15T12:16:00+00:00

Hahaha awww that’s so sad!

Well, I’m glad someone commented Refinery is owned by Vice Media! Yeesh…

tldrjane · 2021-09-15T12:29:33+00:00

My husband and I do not share a bank account. We have always thought that was weird. He knows I have savings and… he doesn’t care. If our bills are paid who gives a fuck

solstice100 · 2021-09-15T16:27:12+00:00

Keeping a savings account isn’t financial infidelity lmao. I personally feel that having one is really nobody’s business but mine, and I don’t have to disclose it to anyone if I don’t want to 🤷‍♀️ idk cry about it

Japanese-Spaghetti · 2021-09-15T14:45:43+00:00

What’s wrong with saving up your own money…? Unless they earned that money through some illegal means I don’t see the problem

macabrasive · 2021-09-15T17:53:33+00:00

Hahaha. I mentioned to my NVX once that in a previous relationship I’d saved enough to move out and be on my own. He looked at me and said, “Wow are you doing that to me right now?”

I said very calmly, “No. Now I always make sure I don’t have to save up, and have enough in my bank account to leave whenever I want.”

Came in handy a few months later 🙄 now I just won’t even bring it up.

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2021-09-15T17:56:27+00:00

There's sooo much I take away from reading that. He was happy and shitting rainbows when he didn't know about the secret funds stash because he 'felt' at that point she was in with him about everything tOgEtHeR. So if he did something stupid and went broke, became a bum, she has to follow suit and be a broke bum as well with him too. Then he found out about the funds and 'felt' hurt because she named it her "get out" money, she had to be more considerate about how to referred the funds as. It's always about considering his feefees

letsberealforamoment · 2021-09-15T02:05:07+00:00

He has no standing to complain about this unless they are married.

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-15T12:44:17+00:00

HAHAHA some men really are 🤡 and think whatever you do without them is bad/infidelity

ALysistrataType · 2021-09-15T08:22:27+00:00

They're not even married lol.

Muffcakelord · 2021-09-15T23:32:50+00:00

Ok but if men are allowed to be abusive then women are allowed to be financially disloyal. People thinking it's wrong of women to do this probably believe 100% of abusers are women or that abusers are non existent

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-09-16T11:54:06+00:00

Also, hold on Paco. Women’s financial security independent of a partner is not a relatively new issue.

What’s with all these boyfriends of women acting entitled to her money? They’re not even married. Even then, why do men want to begrudge women true security in life?

NotMyRealName814 · 2021-09-16T13:51:33+00:00

My younger sister, a devout Southern Baptist who won't ever consider divorce because it makes Baby Jesus sad, is married to the most financially abusive man I've ever known. Decades ago she and I got several substantial life insurance checks after pur parents died. One day she was at work and her husband was at home setting up his own business that SHE was paying for. The mail arrives an in it is a check for over $25,000 made payable to her. Instead of waiting for her to get home that evening to endorse the check and deposit it he forges her signature and tries to deposit it himself. The bank caught the discrepancy and called the company issuing the check. He should've had his ass tossed in jail but after also talking with my sister they let him go and she brought the check back to deposit personally.

I would bet every dollar I own that he has a secret bank account that she doesn't know about probably on cahoots with his crooked, grifting father.

Turbulent_Buffalo_28 · 2021-09-15T04:13:26+00:00

Except the part where the journalist from refinery29 mentioned the « financial infidelity » I don’t think that this article is that bad. I mean, when I read it, I thought that he (ref29) was trying to underline the fact that this is stupid, and help the guy (who is f*cked up ! anyone would be proud to know that the person she/he loves is trying to make sure they are going to be safe in life, no matter what) understand his feeling.

He (ref29) also gives some explanations of the « why »

English is not my 1st language so maybe I understood it wrong ?

Sweet_Bee_8839 · 2021-09-15T21:51:21+00:00

I read the article, and that sentence was pretty ridiculous. I can understand being his surprise, and even being hurt in a situation like that. It’s hard when someone we love doesn’t trust us completely or shows any sign of wanting to keep their options open. I think it definitely shows a pathetic ignorance and lack of empathy to the types of issues many women face though when financially abused. But I think in a moment like that I could have a hard time seeing outside of myself too. But I wouldn’t stay focused on myself. I did appreciate that the article did seem affirming towards her, saying that saving that money was wise. It might have been one of those cases of agreeing to form common ground and then stating the disagreements.

Title	Apparently having an emergency savings fund as a woman and not explicitly saying so to your male partner is “financial infidelity.” 🤨🙄
Author	randomdazee
Upvotes	1180
Comments	166
Date	September 15, 2021 12:18 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pof2m8/apparently_having_an_emergency_savings_fund_as_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/apparently-having-an-emergency-savings-fund-as-a.1070395 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070395

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