women seriously dating men to whom they arent attracted? where?

CliffPR · 2024-02-19T14:13:19+00:00

Funny how many women are saying that men "grow on them" over time. I feel like the term "friendzone" would not exist (or at least would be less common) if this were true.

krackedy · 2024-02-18T22:43:16+00:00

Women rate most men below average, but they're also more open to connecting with these "below average" guys.

I think what happens is women end up dating men they weren't initially attracted to at first sight but who grew on then after getting to know each other.

prizefighterstudent · 2024-02-19T05:56:38+00:00

Wherever the poverty line peaks over the line of personal desires.

Plus-Sprinkles7852 · 2024-02-18T23:15:08+00:00

i personally am attracted to personality to the point that it absolutely will negate any physical things i dont like

but i have always felt completely attracted to my partners so im not sure its the same thing

Ok-Remove3693 · 2024-02-18T23:13:30+00:00

I’ve dated multiple guys I’m not attracted to for ltr. I’m a female in us. They didn’t have money either I had low self esteem and thought that was the best I could do lol

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-02-18T23:58:16+00:00

I think a lot of genuine attraction for women isn’t based on first physical impressions, which is why dating apps are so terrible for actually matching people. Attraction grows depending on a while host of factors. There’s a baseline of attractiveness that gets you in e door for sure, but it’s generally much lower than a lot of people on this sub claim.

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-02-19T04:47:27+00:00

If she's using an app seriously she's having first dates with men she's not attracted to. It's the nature of most women's attraction....a photo is enough to say that's an attractive photo of a man but it isn't enough to say and I am attracted to him. And she's probably having a second or third date with the ones she still isn't attracted to but desperately wishes she was.

geo_gan · 2024-02-19T11:38:41+00:00

Are you crazy.. this has been happening since beginning of time and no woman here could possibly have the balls to argue that it hasn’t. You really think all the 20yo playboy bunnies were actually attracted to 70+ Hugh Hefner?

platinirisms · 2024-02-18T23:29:12+00:00

Exists in both US and UK. Foreigners are doing it, immigrants are doing it, people in their own country are doing it.

It’s been said more than enough times here that most women aren’t attracted to most men, and usually settle for them because of other means, wether it’s out of insecurity/fear of being alone, emotional or financial stability, to help raise her kids, etc.

I’ve lost count of the amount of conversations I’ve had with women where she talks about past boyfriends and mentioned she never really liked them but dated them for x,y,z reasons. The biggest one that stuck out to me was a women with multiple kids was saying she’s never knew what love felt like until she met [6’ successful CEO business owner]. She had years long relationship and multiple kids with a guy she didn’t even love.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-02-19T00:42:35+00:00

whom they aren’t initially PHYSICALLY attracted to

operajunkie · 2024-02-18T23:45:23+00:00

I was told by several older conservative women in my family to ignore physical attraction when seeking a mate. I’m glad I stopped taking that advice at 19.

froderenfelemus · 2024-02-19T11:02:21+00:00

I dated a guy I wasn’t physically attracted to. I was attracted to his personality though. He wasn’t necessarily ugly, he just wasn’t attractive to me

Pulpdogs2 · 2024-02-18T23:14:39+00:00

Women find the vast majority of men unattractive, so there must be a fair amount women dating men they don't find attractive.

Safinated · 2024-02-19T00:46:30+00:00

They mean “dating men who they don’t think is Jason Momoa”

These men think it’s either zero or a hundred, nothing in between

Silver_Past2313 · 2024-02-18T23:33:57+00:00

The definition of them finding a man attractive is subjective and constantly changing. So it's everywhere.

Far-Alarm-2740 · 2024-02-19T03:08:52+00:00

Money, status, power, hate, etc. There are many traits a women can take besides attraction.

Satan_and_Communism · 2024-02-19T17:24:37+00:00

There’s really not much way to have a conversation about this without acknowledging how much of a spectrum “attracted to” is.

8m3gm60 · 2024-02-19T18:42:04+00:00

I think what you are getting at is women who settle hard and then regret it. I know that when I turned 30, I started getting a lot of messages on dating apps from women at a particular point in their life, usually in their early 30's. There was a palpable desperation to move things quickly toward marriage, and I could see that it was a recipe for disaster.

Many women go through a phase where their priorities shift quickly and drastically. The priority of how attracted they are to a man and what kind of man they are interested in needs to shift just as drastically to move toward marriage quickly. Then, when the marriage is passed and they are stuck raising kids they didn't even really want, the fact that the man is less attractive to them than other men in their history becomes too much to tolerate.

feelingdizzyrn · 2024-02-19T20:56:05+00:00

It’s easier to date someone you’re not attracted to. If I’m attracted to a guy, I cannot play it cool. I become so needy. So when I date a guy who I’m not attracted to or just attracted a little bit I can play it cool and be in control. Maybe i have abandonment issues (my therapist told me i did)

alebruto · 2024-02-20T04:50:50+00:00

Quite common among women with children from other men or among women who already appear to be of a certain age

purplish_possum · 2024-02-19T01:01:47+00:00

At some point many women feel a nice home with a fancy kitchen and a new SUV are more important than sex they might actually enjoy.

SteveSan82 · 2024-02-18T23:46:31+00:00

Beta bucks. Women have always dated men with resources. Once a woman hits the epiphany phase, she will be more open to date men she doesnt like. But if they get married, she will obviously not treat him properly.

Few-Laugh-6508 · 2024-02-18T23:04:22+00:00

Yeah I have person never seen it in real life.

Preme2 · 2024-02-18T23:01:32+00:00

I haven’t heard of this. Women may date, but not seriously.

If she finds the man unattractive she still go on a date because she has nothing better to do. It’s Friday night, her friends are busy, she just bought a cute new outfit and needs to upload a picture to Instagram. Brad has been asking her out so why not? She goes out, takes pictures on the way to the restaurant. They get to the restaurant and when the food comes out, she ensures the phone eats first. Documents, in detail, the expresso martini, caprese salad, and triple chocolate cake she ordered. She hopes the guy she actually wants a relationship with views her story. He’ll see what he’s missing. The check comes so Brad pays because he’s a gentleman. They make small talk on the way home, he drops her off thinking the date went well. The next morning, lo and behold, he’s blocked. $200 down the drain.

“We’ll get em next time Tiger”. “Keep at em”.

Leather-Analysis1729 · 2024-02-19T03:04:46+00:00

Some do sadly yes , and men as well . Been that way long before our time too .

Searchtheanswer · 2024-02-19T04:49:42+00:00

The majority of couples I’ve seen in public have been more attractive women with men who aren’t that attractive. But this is based on appearance alone. There are other things that can worth dating someone long term or marrying someone you’re not that attracted to (e.g. someone who truly cares for you, respects you, is financially stable, is emotionally intelligent, etc.). Women are more willing to let go of the idea that they have to be attracted or have crazy chemistry with a man if he has certain qualities that make a good long term partner or husband/father. Just being you’re attracted to a man doesn’t mean he has qualities for long term dating or marriage.

These women are everywhere. I’m not sure where you’re from. Your opinion must be heavily influenced by too much social media/online garbage.

WanabeInflatable · 2024-02-19T08:46:22+00:00

This phenomenon is well known in my culture.

People stay in LTR and marriage because of kids, mortgage, being afraid of going back to the "market" being not so young and having kids. Also some people are so disilusioned that they don't want to divorse current spouse because the next one will be the same. They all are same. And it applies to both men and women.

So what about women actually entering such relationships without any passion from the very beginning. I guess there are reasons:

She wants kids, she don't want to raise them alone, but most of men she likes are jerks and she picks a father for kids not a lover for her. This becomes a pressing issue when she is 35+

He is just wealthy. Buff said.

He loves, he cares, he invests into relationships. She values that, despite not wanting him back. She understands that she is unlikely to find a man whom she loves and who loves her that much as her current one.

obviousredflag · 2024-02-19T09:29:31+00:00

Yes, that is the whole point of the advice to increase your social status, wealth, wardrobe, hobbies, etc.

A man's overall desirability is less determined by physical attractiveness and youth than a woman's. Women marry for overall desirability. This can mean that she is not into him physically.

EmbarrassedClient283 · 2024-02-19T17:49:58+00:00

Not attracted as disgusted by, or not attracted as in the women are able to fuck the guy at least for the first few years but there are no sparks what so ever?

MurrayArtie · 2024-02-19T22:46:58+00:00

My ex wife did. I am conventionally attractive, and as she keeps saying "the perfect partner" but not her type looks wise apparently. Worked great until she eventually met a guy who had that whole "toxic attraction" thing going between them and she made the big mistake, and less than a year later she has a restraining order against him and (since I ain't takin her back)says she just wants a good man again 🤷‍♂️. I think logically they want the good on paper spouse but their biological programming wants the aggressive/dominant and risky/exciting mate, the same way men are on average attracted to sweet/submissive and trustworthy/safe partnrrs.

Barely-moral · 2024-02-18T22:53:08+00:00

I have seen many women that are married with men that they obviously don't find attractive but they bring money and status and those women will lose support from their family if they refused to be the bridge between families that would increase the status of their family of origin.

I have seen poor women that remain married to men be cause they can't afford a good lifestyle without their husband's help.

Striking_Coat5481 · 2024-02-18T23:14:22+00:00

Yes. Sometimes out of boredom Sometimes because I can’t find anyone attractive. Do man date girl that he always find attractive 100%? I don’t think so

Most_Read_1330 · 2024-02-19T01:33:27+00:00

They kind of have to considering they see 80% of the men as unattractive. Assuming they want a relationship.

Planthoe30 · 2024-02-19T08:00:06+00:00

I dated one person I wasn’t sexually attracted too for two years but their personality was fun, if you can make up for it by being the funny guy attraction can grow over time but it’s kinda rare. Dated others but no longer than a month.

ShelterNo2786 · 2024-02-19T02:59:07+00:00

Isn't this common knowledge?

Women settle for 'beta' providers.

YveisGrey · 2024-02-19T00:26:11+00:00

I think this really and truly only happens with sugar babies or when the guy is way older and/or fatter compared to the woman like he is just obviously uglier than her otherwise nah it’s not a thing.

Prudent-Conflict-557 · 2024-02-19T01:34:40+00:00

Not a thing outside transactional relationships

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2024-02-19T02:26:10+00:00

"Dating" doesn't mean crap. Marriage is the ultimate measuring stick.

HOWEVER, for LONG TERM relationships, they seek the Basic Bob for PROVISION.

Most men are NOT "seggually" attractive. Basic Bob IS STABILITY attractive. He is attractive for his loyalty and his re$ources.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-02-19T13:59:02+00:00

Lots of women wait till they are older and have racked up a lot of bodies. Then they still fuck 10/10 men but then those men won't give them more than an hour at 2am on Saturday night. So they want to get married they have to dip down low to get the relationship or husband... and they know he is the best they could get so in one way they find him a catch. But compared to what they wanted he's very low so they are not nearly as attracted.

I'm saying this as I literally have 4 women pestering me about marriage. 3 are total shit losers who are hot but not worth a damn to me. One is my girlfriend who is quite awesome but I'm not going to chance a divorce, I have too much to lose. So that's not happening just in general.

So back to the OP those girls that have no shot with me will continue to pester me and other men probably going down and down the ladder as they give up until someone wife's the ho up. She will realize it's the best she will get so she goes with it and she did choose the guy so it's her 10th choice but clearly not her first choice so she's attracted enough but on a scale she basically not attracted at all.

szclimber · 2024-02-18T22:46:29+00:00

I've seen women do this because the man had resources/money or she wanted to be connected to his status/position of authority. She didn't actually like him as a person but he offered something she wanted.

izoldetales · 2024-02-19T00:01:23+00:00

The rate of divorces . The decline of sex before divorce. Refusing to stay with " misogynistic " man even if women hate men .Women rating 80% of men as below average . Relationship are more one sided then ever with women basically doing nothing , people are now telling men to do things without expecting anything from women cause they can't call the lack of effort from women . No one is jealous from men in relationships with modern women, we're more jealous of old men with a long time wife from the 80's , we basically feel sorry for modern men , they go around bragging about dating / marrying women that no one wanted to marry from beginning and were only good for sex until they ask for divorce , you can ask every divorced man how hard it was for him while how beneficial it was for her .

throwaway164_3 · 2024-02-18T23:21:12+00:00

When they hit the wall and their looks begin to fade.

They want to find a “safe option” financially well off guy and hope the physical attraction will grow with time.

Lots of women settle with physically unattractive men due to social peer pressure to get married, financial security, cultural/religious reasons etc.

Much better to be a man she truly sexually LUSTS after and eagerly fucks, than the beta male simp she settles with when she’s old and fat.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-02-19T03:34:30+00:00

Do women ever cheat on their boyfriends?

This is such a silly question easily observable by anyone touching grass

Suzcval · 2024-02-18T22:48:24+00:00

I don't think there's many people dating someone they're not attracted to - but I do think in the past it was a lot more common for a man (and maybe women as well) to be able to supplement his looks for other things that might make him genuinely more attractive. This still happens all the time today of course; Sense of humor, fashion/style, personality, status/money, etc. all play a huge part in determining a guy's attractiveness. But I think what a lot of people are complaining about (let's face it, a lot of dudes are complaining about) is that the focus is becoming more and more narrowed on physical appearance and the scales are getting weighted so heavily that (in their eyes) a hot homeless guy is going to be seen as more desirable than a less-hot guy that has his life in order, which can seem unfair from their perspective.

lovestocomment · 2024-02-18T23:22:22+00:00

What do you mean by attracted? You mean physical attraction, emotional, financial or social. Because women don't just look at looks.

WarezMyDinrBitc · 2024-02-19T02:49:18+00:00

The men women settle down with are rarely their first or even second pick. Women think the level of guys who are willing to sleep with them are the same quality of man they can expect to commit, and that's not the case.

Dr_Click_Click_Boom · 2024-02-19T00:01:44+00:00

I have no scientific backing on this and it's more about marriage than simply dating but here's my theory.

I think a lot of women date and marry men they're attracted to but over time the guy gets fatter, balder and overall less attractive. Miraculously women remain as beautiful at 51 as they were at 18 😂😂😂😂😂

Lev-- · 2024-02-19T02:50:56+00:00

Just went through this. Going from multiple relationships where the women are super attracted to you but arent wife material to one where she is wife material but doesnt like you personally that much only likes the other benefits of having a partner is fucking soul crushing.

i am US and yes its western women that all seem to be horribly fucked up in some way or another

poly relationships are trending for a reason

SoldierExcelsior · 2024-02-19T09:10:07+00:00

A girl has to eat...money talks and theres women that will date you because you have money I'm pretty sure that was all of my relationships...Since I stopped spending money on women I've been single. It's been 10 years

JadeGrapes · 2024-02-19T15:45:35+00:00

I feel like you might wanna go check r/deadbedrooms

Tywinlol · 2024-02-18T22:52:26+00:00

They do it in the same way prostitutes do. Its just more beneficial, comfortable, long-term and profitable.

Geselshaft · 2024-02-18T22:50:31+00:00

Women date men for money.

Not a new thing, it’s been going on for thousands of years.

All females on the planet need and want resources. They’re literally bred to seek them out when mating by evolution.

No matter what culture warps it as, women gold dig. They just don’t like the phrase, but all of them are gold diggers. They just call other terms and put frosting on it, but it’s all gold digging.

Couple that with a non-existent sex drive and that’s why they’re with men who they don’t care about.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-02-19T02:55:20+00:00

There’s certainly a phenomenon of women around a certain age who want marriage and a family settling down with a guy that is not their type. Once the dust settles, the family unit is set up, and she sees how boring life is with this guy, that’s when the “I’m not haaaaaappy” sets in.

There’s an element of visceral attraction I think women need to have for their guy today that wasn’t needed in the past to overcome this kind of thing.

XYZRGCMYK · 2024-02-19T04:08:43+00:00

Go to r/DeadBedrooms and look at the divorce rate in America. Most are initiated by women.

GoodApollo506 · 2024-02-19T01:51:25+00:00

The dollar decides

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-02-19T02:12:03+00:00

Who said they are?
Some women, in certain ages, go for 'good dad' types - they settle a lot in the attractiveness department to have a stable relationship and a family - some of them even turn out to think it was a great decision, some of them even fall in love with the guy.
Most times they're still at least somewhat attracted, any halfway decent guy can be 'not ugly'.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-02-19T12:58:09+00:00

the same men who tell women to lower their standards will also believe that women date men they’re not attracted to. Whatever makes them feel better that day

kalecikkarasi · 2024-02-19T16:33:37+00:00

I do not know the exact term in english but “logic marriage” is a thing in my country, also there are arranged marriages. But in my opinion most of the time; most women want Henry Cavill but there is one Henry Cavill and there is a ticking biological clock so they have to marry with those who underrated from women, so called average men.

Interesting thing is attraction sometimes comes with time and companionship. Everyone heard the expression “he grew on me”. All my happily married friends tell me they didn’t feel attracted initially their now husbands. But it’s very small sample size and I’m a man. I also wonder what women would think in this matter.

East_Writer_2892 · 2024-02-20T04:10:11+00:00

It's not a thing. Lonely dudes just can't fathom that attractive women do in fact like and date men who aren't 10/10 chad for reasons other than looks.

Proof_mongol9135 · 2024-02-19T07:30:28+00:00

money is attractive.

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Horned-Beast · 2024-02-19T01:18:49+00:00

Yes it happens and more often than you might think. You can easily search out stories on reddit alone where divorces or breakups are predicated by the men finding out either by accident, a chance overheard remark or conversation where their wives admitted to someone, a relative, a friend group or confidant they married their spouse for security and not attraction.

These same women often admit they preferred an ex over their husband but the ex's just were not able or unwilling to provide that type of financial security they sought so the choose to "settle " for the less attractive option.

AstronautExisting230 · 2024-02-20T01:45:05+00:00

literally go outside.

imaniimellz · 2024-02-20T15:14:21+00:00

It isn’t a phenomenon lol I think it’s just called settling

microchipgirl · 2024-02-20T17:56:42+00:00

Absolutely! Not just dating but married. Go into the relationship advice groups of fb and take a poll on whether women are dating or married to men they don't find physically attractive. I did that exact poll 2 summers ago in one such group and was saddened by the near unanimous answer of "yes, I am with a man I don't find attractive". I furthered the poll by asking "why?" and the most common 2 answers were either that he was nice to them and they decided that was enough, or that he'd been someone they had found initially attractive but after marriage he'd turned out to be emotionally distant or unavailable/a slovenly manchild/abusive/some other trait nobody wants to be married to, but they felt stuck in the marriage bc of the stigma of divorce/pressures of family, the complication of children, trauma bond, or simply the sunk cost fallacy and feeling too old to start over.

Keep in mind, these are women pretty much all over 35 (gasp, I know, too old for most of this sub to care about 🙄🙄). And they don't hang out on reddit.

If you're talking exclusively about women under a certain age group, like under 30, there are certainly some young women dating men they're unnattracted to (I ran across one such girl in a dating advice sub on here not too long ago, I think she was 23 or so) who are staying for various reasons, but reddit is just a small corner of the world and this sub even smaller, so whoever you find specifically in this sub at whatever tiny numbers is not going to be a group you can reliably extrapolate to account for society at large. Suffice it to say, there are women who do.

uterine_blackmail · 2024-02-21T19:19:27+00:00

Men do the same thing and have always been doing the same thing. They might marry a woman and keep her as a placeholder while not being truly attracted to her

Title	women seriously dating men to whom they arent attracted? where?
Author	-Shes-A-Carnival
Upvotes	101
Comments	392
Date	February 18, 2024 10:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1au732c/women_seriously_dating_men_to_whom_they_arent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-seriously-dating-men-to-whom-they-arent.1245785 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245785

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