What drives women to settle for guys they're not attracted to in the modern era?

educatedkoala · 2024-06-17T15:27:17+00:00

Multiple failed relationships leave some women (over?) valuing very specific qualities, primarily the main things that went wrong or were the most stressful from past relationships. It becomes easier to compromise on this or that for those qualities. Some have to do with the bedroom, some have to do with living together, some are personality traits.

I remember dating a guy just because he put a band aid on my finger when I cut myself in the kitchen. I basically fell in love right there, because when I had cut myself in the kitchen with my ex just before, he yelled at me for holding the knife wrong. Point is, it's all relative. It might look like settling to you because you can only judge the external qualities.

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-06-17T10:40:53+00:00

Men get the "women only find a small number of men physically attractive" thing really confused.

Attraction builds through personality and interactions with men. We're generally turned on by what we hear, as much as or more than, exclusively what we see.

It doesn't mean we're settling. It just means the way attraction forms is different.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2024-06-17T14:35:24+00:00

The patriarchal societal pressures never went away, so the pressure is still there. If a woman comes from a conservative or religious family then this would be an expectation of her. Women’s families and communities would definitely pressure them into being with a man just for the sake of doing so if she wants the acceptance of her family and community.

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-06-17T10:46:19+00:00

How do you know “they’re clearly really not into” the guy?

RadicalQueenBee · 2024-06-17T11:02:57+00:00

I don't see women settling. Most choose to remain single rather than settle at least in my county (which isn't even a progressive county, just european and somewhat developed). But assuming it does happen to a certain degree I think the following would be potential factors:

Social pressure to be in a commited relationship by a certain age
Genuine desire to have a partner to share life with and/or feelings of loneliness
Wanting to have children. Women could have children single since they are the ones who birth them through a sperm donor (or go for the adoption route if unable/unwilling to give birth), but it's easier with a partner whether male or female as you split the costs as well as child care. Most women are straight so most will opt for a male partner.

If I think of anything else I will add it to the list.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-06-17T10:49:54+00:00

nothing, this is a fiction in western dating

Lysa_Bell · 2024-06-17T13:02:35+00:00

Maybe they finally listened to the guys telling them to lower their standards?

bloblikeseacreature · 2024-06-17T13:00:28+00:00

Yet, I still see women get with guys that they're clearly not really into starting around age 30.

i'm sorry, but this is nothing but your own imagination and judgments based on your belief system and filtered by confirmation bias.

toasterchild · 2024-06-17T12:12:35+00:00

More than one factor influences attraction than just looks.

Physical looks. Morals. General life attitude. Goals. Humor. Sociableness. Family dynamics.

Physical looks become less important with age because the other things become more important.

Relationships that form when people are young and still hung up on attraction usually fail because it's not enough long term.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-06-17T13:49:20+00:00

For them? Social expectations driving NPC behavior combined with a fear of missing their opportunity to have kids.

Me personally? I would not. But I think men also overestimate the importance of raw physical attractiveness and underestimate the importance of being a woman’s “type.” Like this guy is someone most people (especially men) would probably consider physically attractive, but he’s not my type at all.

Maybe this is a good example. The right is whatever, not my type. The left though… 10/10. So, you may not be taking into consideration the hefty bonus applied by a man being her type.

rivertorain- · 2024-06-17T12:14:20+00:00

Yet, I still see women get with guys that they're clearly not really into starting around age 30.

How do you know that they're "clearly not really into" them?

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-17T12:00:05+00:00

I dated guys I wasn't physically attracted to. Reason: I'd been raised in a religious household where I believed physical attraction would likely follow marriage. When I no longer believed that, I'd been through a traumatic experience that made me date them because I felt they were safer than attractive men because it usually meant they were softer and more feminine.

I didn't settle down with any of them and these relationships only lasted a year usually. The man I've settled down with is extremely attractive to me.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-06-17T12:31:06+00:00

No evidence to suggest these women “clearly are not really into” the men they’re with.

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SaBahRub · 2024-06-17T14:44:28+00:00

Answers here, from 3 days ago

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/mI4aqaqz2U

And here

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/L4sXZpOJoE

And here

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/bzLAnhE4QK

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/sauGdFqcyn

https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/Xj8g1xcl1x

januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-17T14:55:53+00:00

They may be attracted to them personally. While many women say they are not attracted to many men, this is often just because they do not feel very attracted to people they don't know and their tastes are not the same although there can be overlap. Women are also socialised hard from birth to aim to please men through a relationship and children. They may also for personal reasons want companionship, sex, children, etc and settle for someone who will give them these even if they're not the most thrilled about them.

GridReXX · 2024-06-17T16:26:17+00:00

Desire for kids.

Desire for “fitting in” with society and one’s larger community, especially by a certain age.

Desire for dedicated companionship from someone who shares a similar vision in life even if it’s not “passionate sexual attraction” that’s the #1 driver. Sex and lust aside, no one wants to be lonely. And most women don’t see it as viable to raise a family with her female bestie.

KikiYuyu · 2024-06-17T17:10:12+00:00

There are multiple ways a man can be attractive. If you have a personality I really love, I will come to associate your appearance with the way you make me feel. I would look at you and see someone I love, and that always makes someone look 100 x better. It happens all the time platonically too.

If the personality and the appearance sucks, then the guy probably has something material the woman wants.

Witty-Respond3636 · 2024-06-17T21:58:42+00:00

Because no man can compare to Big Ogre Daddy Shrek.

That__EST · 2024-06-18T08:12:44+00:00

Do they? Gen Z is a brand new kettle of fish. I think that a lot of us like to look at Millennials and their behavior as to what's happening now and I don't believe that's really the case. I'd be interested to see the stats on how many American born and raised young women were currently married between the ages of 18-25. I want to know who is in those age groups now who are also married now.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-06-17T12:35:27+00:00

“Women should lower their standards”

flipsidetroll · 2024-06-17T19:05:10+00:00

Tell me what I/other women have to do or say or kill or fuck, to get it through to you, that stating something as a fact, that isn’t a fact, doesn’t make it a fucking fact. All you are doing is repeating what you have been told. And it is repeated ad nauseum, so you hear it constantly. This is called brainwashing. And it builds new neural pathways for that information and that’s how it becomes part of your brain. It doesn’t make it true, just because you are told it’s true. What does make some men look unattractive is when they are too thick to think for themselves and research.

I’m going to explain it to you like a child. Trp manipulates data and studies and outright lies about some. Ok Cupid also has some shady practices that have been exposed. But this is why expanding the demographics can change the conclusion. The data did not show that 80% of women only found 20% of men attractive. It showed that EACH INDIVIDUAL WOMAN ONLY SWIPED ON A SMALL NUMBER OF MEN. This is where you use your brain….But it is not the same men they were swiping on. Yes there may be a tiny overlap, and yes, each woman may only find a small number of men attractive TO HER. But the men who each woman finds attractive, is spread over a lot of men. I’m simplifying with this example, but it’s just to help the children understand. Let’s say I look at 100 men and find 10 attractive. The next woman finds 10 men attractive, 8 different and 2 the same as me. The next woman finds 10 attractive, 1 same as me, 1 same as the second woman and 8 different. And so it goes on. There may be a few men that are universally attractive (that’s humans, and same as some women all men find attractive) but the majority of attraction is spread out. In fact, a very recent study on facial attraction, (only faces, not builds or height etc) found that women are attracted to a vast spectrum of faces. And there were only a few overlaps.

Now if you find out that your teacher made a huge mistake and taught you the wrong thing, you would start to doubt their knowledge as a whole. So you know you’ve been misled about this. So if you are truly rational, you would start to find out what else you may have been told was wrong. Your choice.

Thesinglemother · 2024-06-17T11:52:37+00:00

We have very strong gut feelings and tolerate only so much. If it truly wasn’t something we were in to it wouldn’t last. Honestly most don’t end up with a wife or something. I’ve eaten at the same restaurant 158 times in a year on dates and it was NOT a good time. Date after date and 14 years of trying. I’m a 10, along with employed and yet most men are honestly already married. Or I get this typical “ you are not single “ thing. It can get dumb. Yesterday I was on a date with a not attractive man from turkey. Man. He called me difficult 5 times just because I wouldn’t let him make out with me and we had just met. It blows me away and he’s 42.. in the end makers slim and getting slimmer and education/ Daiting has changed. I’d settle for happiness with someone even if they weren’t attractive, because happiness doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship but if it adds to support and someone I can be intimate with than that 10% is all I need / want.

Of course my needs will not relate to others but it will correlate towards why attraction can become less a priority. Different wants and need from us women and being fulfilled.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-06-17T15:43:03+00:00

Attraction is more than just looks. Attraction builds.

That stupid “study” was just looking at dating app behaviour - which is looks driven.

Women aren’t settling - they’re falling in love with an entire person.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-06-17T17:01:44+00:00

They probably find them attractive. Yes, women find minority of men attractive but it's different minority for each woman. Every person has a different type.

If they really don't find them attractive they can be golddigers or desperate for not being alone / having children / stability...

624Seeds · 2024-06-17T19:26:06+00:00

There's more to being attractive and loving someone than just their physical looks. Those will always fade with time.

You only think it's "settling" because looks matter most to you in a partner.

Title	What drives women to settle for guys they're not attracted to in the modern era?
Author	ExercisesInFutility_
Upvotes	18
Comments	323
Date	June 17, 2024 10:32 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dhuwjv/what_drives_women_to_settle_for_guys_theyre_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-drives-women-to-settle-for-guys-theyre-not.1521823 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521823

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