Most of the advice here just tells men to NOT be proactive in finding a girlfriend

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-09-21T15:27:35+00:00

truly good men don't have to be proactive about it.

good as in "attractive" - yeah, that's how it works. The rest is not really wanted by women.

To get women, just be what they want, that is largely attractive, charming, and financially stable.

That's all. No wall of text, just be what they want.

MentalBend9446 · 2024-09-21T16:21:59+00:00

Of course you should enjoy the activity, but generally men and women differ in interests. Most clubs I attended have been either sausage party or me and grandmas. If you're into horse riding or ballet as guy though I can see how it must seem easy.

cardboard_pyramid · 2024-09-21T16:56:05+00:00

Women who date men say that “love just happens” because love just happens for them. A man will make the effort to approach her, woo her, plan and take her out on dates, perform romantic gestures, buy gifts, etc for her. Love is something that happens to a woman; love is something men do. So from her perspective, everything appears to happen organically with zero effort

SmoothDragonfruit445 · 2024-09-22T01:38:09+00:00

Reddit: join hobbies otherwise you are unworthy of relationship or friendship

Also reddit: don't join a hobby to make friends or hope to get a boyfriend or girlfriend

PrestigiousEdge3719 · 2024-09-21T18:23:29+00:00

So? I'd go as far as to say to minimize all interaction with women altogether. Let them have the bear. Focus on yourselves, gentlemen.

SirTruffleberry · 2024-09-21T15:39:41+00:00

It's simpler than that, really. Women believe in a world in which the preference to have a partner is a choice.

For some women, it nearly is. With a lower sex drive, the pay gap ever shrinking, and the feasibility of affording children increasingly a pipedream, their reasons to enter relationships are evaporating. But the male desire remains.

Swordfromthecement · 2024-09-21T18:10:29+00:00

My advice: get advice from people who are similar to you who have what you want in life. Listen to everything else with a healthy dose of skepticism.

The reality is that if you’re not in the elite or top 20% or whatever you want to call it, you’re going to have to put the work in and YOU as a man have to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze based on your priorities in life.

Some men think it is, cool. Some men think it isn’t, cool.

Pitiful_Progress_699 · 2024-09-21T20:12:00+00:00

This is why I’m giving up and getting closure in my life and putting my affairs in order. Just can’t do this anymore. I can’t take the rejection. And you know who else can’t? Women, who never wanna pursue. So much so that Bumble had to change the way they did things. Ladies: read Norah Vincent’s book if you wanna see what it’s like.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-09-21T16:03:03+00:00

Because they are talking about your examples in the brute force method. You can do those things in the list just be chill, genuine, and don’t overtly flirt or sexualize the situation. If she gives positive choosing signals then exchange info.

Alwaysnthered · 2024-09-21T15:32:24+00:00

To be fair,

Its actually very very rare to be a socially confident, interesting, put together guy that can’t attract woman by enjoying your hobbies and having an active social life (which includes meeting new people).

It indicates that you are objectively unattractive and not the type of man women want.

Just calling it out like it is. I’ve been there done that.

alotofironsinthefire · 2024-09-21T16:07:06+00:00

Men on here are given that advice because they:

Have trouble reading body language, so they can't tell when someone wants to be in a conversation with them or not
Come on too strong, too fast
Have a lot of trouble handling rejection.

Telling people to let a relationship develop naturally tends to help curve expectations and blunt hurt feelings.

There's nothing wrong with cold approaching if you can read body language well and handle a rejection gracefully. But not everyone can.

MeteorMash101 · 2024-09-21T17:37:35+00:00

My god, that’s awful advice lol.

Immediate_Wasabi_920 · 2024-09-21T17:09:45+00:00

Because all women here just thrive on encouraging men to be miserable. They get a kick of seeing a man down and then coming here to rub salt in the wound. I wouldn't be surprised if most of them at the very least get a kick of seeing suicidal men on here expressing themselves and foam at the mouth to go into gaslighting mode.

catdog8020 · 2024-09-21T19:26:46+00:00

I agree. Woman are dating multiple men (serial dating) until they find the right man. Woman don’t need to be approached they got men online, the gym, bar, work, and a plethora of options. Dating is pretty much over for the average guy. Average men will need to substantially lower their standards or go overseas to be a passport bro lol

UpstairsAd1235 · 2024-09-21T23:20:37+00:00

I'm surprised that many people don't realize it either.

captaindestucto · 2024-09-22T12:35:28+00:00

When I read a lot of posters here (especially those written by women) you get the feeling that they believe in a idealized world where things like dating, sex and relationships just "happen in life"

That's how it works for them.

I think that all of these new guidelines are simply aimed at preventing men the majority women find unattractive from ever even bothering them, thus sparing them the discomfort of having to reject a guy.

Yea but the problem is it's also convincing large numbers of average (or close enough) guys not to "bother" women.

jay_de-leon · 2024-09-21T15:33:47+00:00

Not being proactive was never about finding a girlfriend. It was about learning how to enjoy life without needing one to be happy and realizing women aren’t special. Not having a girlfriend should have no negative effect on your quality of life and if it does then you already lost.

Also a lot of you guys lives are centered around female validation and it reeks of desperation which ultimately repels women away.

purplish_possum · 2024-09-21T17:52:54+00:00

You need to go out and socialize. Women either appear or they don't.

lord-moo · 2024-09-21T15:31:33+00:00

i mean, i think the last sentence is probably the nice version of what they want.

if i said what i think women actually want, i would get banned from PPD.

AngeCruelle · 2024-09-21T15:20:51+00:00

When I talk about how my BF and I met, which entailed him being somewhat proactive and starting a conversation with me, it is mostly dudes here who say things like "you would've called the police if he wasn't attractive."

There is no advice on this topic that men here will accept. If you tell them not to be proactive, they say that doesn't work. If you tell them to be proactive, they'll say that you're unempathetic and don't realize how risky it is for men to approach in this day and age. This is part of the reason why I stopped giving advice.

Magonbarca · 2024-09-21T16:02:45+00:00

youre right they just blue pilling or sedating men acting like they want their best interest they want none of subaverage guys in reality

AutoModerator · 2024-09-21T15:11:13+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-21T15:11:14+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

yuckyuck13 · 2024-09-21T16:53:31+00:00

I changed my perspective on this with these "rules". Go into the situation as an opportunity of dating but if it doesn't go that way befriend them. Doing so they vet you with their friends welcoming more opportunities.

2werd2live2rare2die · 2024-09-21T17:34:30+00:00

They shouldn’t. The women should be proactive in dating that means they need to approach men and ask them out. And also pay for the dates. Non traditional women should be not be looking for traditional men. They need to have the equal rights and lefts that they claim they want.

Jaden-Clout · 2024-09-21T18:25:48+00:00

Number 2 on your list is weird and a bit predatory. All others seem like very good ideas. Why would you care what the average Redditor thinks? Lol, most are incels.

SnooSongs8797 · 2024-09-21T19:43:34+00:00

Exactly my problem with most dating advice

SnooSongs8797 · 2024-09-21T20:03:46+00:00

Exactly then they wonder why those men don’t wanna take their advice

PostHumanCoder · 2024-09-21T22:12:14+00:00

Most advices here are just showing facts about women. Reality is harsh.

EsotericRonin · 2024-09-21T23:01:35+00:00

Men on here are given that advice because they:

Have trouble reading body language, so they can't tell when someone wants to be in a conversation with them or not

Come on too strong, too fast

Have a lot of trouble handling rejection.

Telling people to let a relationship develop naturally tends to help curve expectations and blunt hurt feelings.

There's nothing wrong with cold approaching if you can read body language well and handle a rejection gracefully. But not everyone can.

Working-Engine5037 · 2024-09-22T02:42:17+00:00

In addition to all the great advice here, don’t pursue or approach women unless you’re 8+.

co5mosk-read · 2024-09-22T08:05:13+00:00

works same as with finding happiness

Lightinthebottle7 · 2024-09-22T08:22:37+00:00

You seem to misunderstand the gist of the advice.

You can approach women with the intent of dating them, but be mindful and appropriate about it and take no as an answer.
Don't pretend to befriend women if you don't view them as friends

3 and 4. What? I mean, most of what I've seen and what i tend to recommend is pick up hobbies where you interact with a lot more women. I mean, sure, don't pretend to like something just because you want to get laid, but otherwise go and find hobbies and join social circles, in general.

The reason why women are often at discomfort at rejecting a guy, is not because simply it is difficult or emotionally taxing. It is often outright dangerous and naturally women want to put up with less nonsense or danger from men who can't take no for an answer.

The point is not for you to never make a move, it is to not have the single minded approach towards them as objects of your desire, and instead treat them as actual human beings.

You might say to that "but I never", and sure if it is not about you, then it is not about you. But many men, especially in circles like this, don't understand just how objectified and looked down upon women often feel in social interactions and how often they are betrayed by men who pretend to care about them.

sususushi88 · 2024-09-22T16:16:57+00:00

Most of the users here are losers. That's all i learned.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-09-21T16:09:33+00:00

1 is dumb. Men should approach women they are interested in. That advice comes from Trigglypuffs no one approaches anyway.

2 is a fantastic advice. Befriending women to eventually dating them is dumb. Being a pussy vulture rarely pays off.

3 is a fantastic advice. Go to salsa dance classes to learn how to dance, not to approach women. Your desperation will telegraph and desperation is a datable woman repellent.

4 is just like 3.

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-09-21T16:39:24+00:00

Joining something just to get laid or a date is fine if you can handle failure. Lots of boys here can't. So it is just straight up better to not join it for those purposes. It's a mindset thing, which doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep your eye out for opportunities.

MongoBobalossus · 2024-09-21T16:16:07+00:00

lol wtf are you talking about?

Every piece of advice on here tells you to do all of those things.

You aren’t going to get a girlfriend sitting around at home waiting for one 🤦‍♂️

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-09-21T15:26:00+00:00

You should just do what’s best for you and what works for you. If that happens to be approaching women on the street then go for it. You don’t have to take the advice that ppl who don’t even know you give. This is why it’s always recommended to get advice from friends & family.

FateMeetsLuck · 2024-09-21T15:40:33+00:00

The painful reality is that the material universe does not give a shit about the emotional or physical needs of men or any living thing. The other painful reality is that women can smell desperation no matter how much the man masks and are thus turned off. No one has any solution to this problem but the most logical course of action is work to discover a way to remove emotional and physical needs that can never be fulfilled. Work, cope, and die in debt is the lot of humanity since the dawn of time.

mzbc · 2024-09-21T20:13:40+00:00

Whenever I give that advice as a man, it is to save my brothers from the almost inevitable negative consequences of being in a relationship.

Disastrous-Chart-928 · 2024-09-21T22:49:07+00:00

I firmly believe women will approach you if you're attractive enough to them. Or at the very least they'll make it very clear they like you enough for you to make a move.

If this isn't happening, well sorry. Historically the vast majority of men didn't reproduce, the patriarchy changed this but that's being dismantled more and more by the day.

GridReXX · 2024-09-21T15:26:46+00:00

As a woman, I don’t agree that men shouldn’t be proactive. What they should be is intuitive and what they shouldn’t be is socially inept in how they navigate proactiveness.

Don’t approach women with the intent of dating them.

Can’t say I’ve said this.

Don’t befriend women with the intent of eventually dating them.

Back to my main point about being intuitive. Are you joining a running club with the only intention “to get laid”? Or are you joining because you want to get back into your fitness and enjoy making connections with different women and men and if something sparks romantically, great! And if something sparks platonically and you’ve earned a new crew that you hang with, great!

Are you going there to make organic connections or are you going there with the palpable pungency of “must procure female sexual specimen”?

Are you befriending women because you enjoy making new connections and actually enjoy this person and share similar interests/personality/humor, or are you going through the motions just to get laid?

Don’t join salsa dances with the intent of meeting women there either.

See above.

Don’t join clubs, hobbies or social groups with the intent of dating women.

See above.

one_ball_policy · 2024-09-21T17:16:45+00:00

There’s is a reason people say “a fisherman doesn’t ask a fish how to fish”. For the most part as a women romantic situations just appear (obligatory not all). So that’s why they give advice that is very passive in nature.

SimpleStart2395 · 2024-09-21T17:32:39+00:00

Sorry ladies but this comment right here shows why the vast majority of you, here on Reddit anyway, and especially this sub, are not fit to lead.

SadCahita · 2024-09-21T19:52:16+00:00

Women's advice is plain worthless in general. They're used to having people taking care of them and giving them stuff since they're children and they don't grow out of that, they're not the proactive ones in looking for a relationship so they don't have an idea of how it works.

fish fisher etc.

SaBahRub · 2024-09-21T16:10:50+00:00

Advice and criticism to improve is the opposite of passivity

And most people disagree with those statements. You just choose to focus on the ones that advise passivity

BluePillUprising · 2024-09-21T15:34:21+00:00

Every meaningful relationship I ever had with a woman, including my marriage, just happened without being proactive.

That doesn’t mean I just sat on my ass at home and whacked off, I went out and did shit.

But wherever I was like, “I need to find a lady!”, it never worked out. And I when I was focusing on other stuff it did.

Just sayin’.

tinyhermione · 2024-09-22T07:39:50+00:00

Approach women in social settings.

In general approaching women outside of a social setting (street, subway, gym, store) will not go too well.

If you want to date a girl? You can have a casual talking stage, but then ask her out. Don’t turn it into a full on friendship. She might not be into you at all, you’ll waste your time and get hurt.

Joining salsa class can be a way to meet women. Just look for someone you vibe with, don’t hit on everyone in class. And make sure you aren’t being too sexual uninvited in a place where people dance with each other. Often joining hobbies are more effective as a way to expand your social network (so you’ll have more social settings to meet girls) than to pick up a girl at the hobby itself.

delusional-gf · 2024-09-22T12:38:13+00:00

It’s all about intent! If your intention of taking salsa classes is to pick up women…. ew. But if your intention of taking salsa classes is to learn about salsa because it’s interesting to you, then yay green flag!!

Basically, pick up those hobbies and interests for YOU, not for anyone else

MarauderSlayer44 · 2024-09-22T12:43:40+00:00

It’s just going back to some sorta nature-based argument. Some men are naturally what women want, thus they won’t have trouble no matter what they do, and because it’s the “ideal men” it’s seen as good because women are getting what they want. Then the men who aren’t what women want, we will just be told to A. Forget the idea of having it because that’s entitlement and B. That we won’t die if we don’t get laid.

It’s a perfect recipe for women not just only ever fucking, but even just dealing with men who they find attractive, because all the suckers have been demoralized and convinced to never bother women at all in the first place. It’s honestly a sick practice imo, and systematically misandrist and even misanthropic, the misandrist part of it is obvious but you’re fundamentally denying humans the ability to change and see their lives be better because of it. Which for a “social” species, is absolutely fucking PA-THET-IC

EugeneCezanne · 2024-09-22T20:20:34+00:00

Don't approach women with the intent of dating them.

I've been here for a couple of years and hardly ever see someone actually give this advice. I only see it alluded to by people looking to argue. Where are all the "don't approach women" posts?

Of course you should approach people you want to date. Everyone should.

Don't befriend women with the intent of eventually dating them.

This one is a little more complicated. Befriending someone only because you want to date them is A) duplicitous and B) bad strategy. You don't actually want them to see you as just a friend; they don't want a fake friend with ulterior motives.

You should befriend people because you want to be friends with them and date people you want to date. If one person happens to be both, just be real about that.

Don't join salsa dances with the intent of meeting women there either.

Don't join clubs, hobbies or social groups with the intent of dating women.

I'm not a big joiner and don't really have a strong opinion on these. But, generally speaking, you should do things because you authentically want to do them. But if you feel you have to take this route, just give it your best try to authentically enjoy them. If it's clear you're only there to pick up girls, you're going to kill the vibe for everyone else.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-09-21T18:50:02+00:00

join clubs, groups, hobbies, classes etc., that you are genuinely interested in and would take regardless of how many women are in the class, then get to know the women who are in that class

DaHouseSomalian · 2024-09-21T19:40:00+00:00

It’s a bit more complex than that. The issue with the men who seek “advice” is that they have convinced themselves they NEED women in order to solve their problems. These guys can’t stand themselves, they can’t stand their own lives, they are admittedly miserable and lonely, so they think a WOMAN will solve all of this.

But you need to think about this from the perspective of the woman. Why would any woman want a guy who can’t stand himself, who hates his own life (and himself), who can’t handle being alone and who is empty, emotionally miserable and dependent on her for everything.

Did you guys really think that’s attractive to anyone?

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-09-21T15:32:27+00:00

Okay.

Dating aside.

Say you're really want to be good at something. You obsess over how to be good at it. Look at advice. Read on how to be good at this thing. But when you try you fail. Even though you read on how to be good at this thing. Heard a lot of the advice and tried implementing it. But still failed. You would blame yourself. You see other people succeeding at this thing you are trying to hard to do. Even though you may know all the technicalities of thing someone else effortlessly did. You put your self worth all into doing this thing and have nothing to show for it. What would you tell someone?

The same can be said with dating and finding a partner. You obsess and try to do all these things to meet a partner. Instead of getting closer you get more desperate. Which someone desperate and try hard would be a net turn off for another person. Man or woman. So centering yourself and taking a more passive approach to dating may work out it takes the pressure off while dating so instead of coming from a place of desperation and THIS has to work what can I do to make them like me they need to like me I want a boyfriend/girlfriend so badly pick me! Choose me! It shows up more authentically actually building connections with people by being more passive you can let people gravitate to or from you.

And it takes the disappointment out. Without applying this massive pressure on yourself and potentially the person you are trying to date.

TinyFlamingo2147 · 2024-09-21T15:24:57+00:00

Doing things because you enjoy them and want to do them and meeting women as a by-product of living a fulfilling life you enjoy is good. Joining a salsa dancing class because you are horny and lonely and desperate for contact with women is bad.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-09-21T16:49:55+00:00

No, most of the advice is "don't do anything it takes just to get a date."

You join a club because it increases the odds of finding someone with similar interests.

When you approach a woman you're interested in, you approach to get to know her to see if you're compatible.

If you're just pursuing whatever route is the shortest to getting a date, then it becomes clear you don't really care who you date, any pretty face will do. You might be surprised to learn that women do not find being interchangeable to be an appealing quality.

ladyindev · 2024-09-21T16:14:33+00:00

Here, as in this forum or Reddit in general? I feel like most posts here are arguing about gender, but maybe that's just where I tend to lean in lol

I think where you may be struggling is the fine line between overdoing it / not reading the room and being socially aware, sensitive, and not only in spaces to find women. I don't doubt that this can be confusing and I can empathize to an extent. However, yes, women shouldn't have to deal with men approaching them constantly, everywhere, and making certain spaces feel uncomfortable when they're just not designed for that.

I do think you're leaving out a ton of places where people are far more open to being approached - bars and clubs. Not everyone, and you still definitely need to read the room, but many women do go there to meet men. To find serious relationships? Meh, but it happens. Also, dating apps. Many people meet on apps and women will give you the green light about whether or not she's open to you messaging her on most apps - quite literally designed for this function. She's not guaranteed to respond, but you've at least not been explicitly rejected in many cases, as women are less likely to swipe indiscriminately on everyone. Also, you should look into singles groups if you live in a city. Meetup.com in cities I've lived in has usually had singles groups of variety of kinds. Don't be that weird guy messaging random women on the platform before getting to know them and receiving the green light - that's kind of the point here. However, you can go to singles events, speed dating, singles running and walking groups, etc.

I don't think you should join social groups with the sole intention of asking out as many women as you can and making the space uncomfortable, no. But social groups are a great way to meet people in build community in general and if you happen to find someone who is reciprocating your energy, interest in engaging with you, and you've learned enough to know that she's single and looking, then that could easily turn into something and no one would judge you for that. It's when you can't navigate the social situation well and make it obvious that you're trolling for pussy in a social or political group, rather than focused on building genuine connections and immersed in the work or activities involved, that people get pissed off and find you to be a creep.

Making friends to find love might be a bad idea in some ways, but it's understandable and happens naturally sometimes without intention. But if you're hiding romantic interest and try to weave it into the picture once she's comfortable with you, it can make the friendship look disingenuous. People generally don't like feeling that someone became friends with them just to eventually extract something from them or get something they want. However, if you're open to something more but 100% fine with just being friends and wouldn't try to make something happen or hit on her to "break out of the friend zone" or jump at an opportunity, then that's more understandable. Personally, I find it more understandable with friendships that just happen naturally and then someone develops feelings. I think this one is hard to be super strict on, aside from blatantly befriending someone plotting to make a move once she feels safe and can trust you.

Also, women definitely join groups with the hope to find men, and sometimes blatantly as the main purpose. I don't think it's super horrible to do that, but you have to do it in a way that doesn't make people uncomfortable or comes across a certain kind of way and be mindful of the spaces you're in.

toasterchild · 2024-09-21T15:46:06+00:00

I have seen some of these said but the context is missing. They are almost always said as advice in how to get more comfortable just being around women so that when you do start approaching them for dating you aren't completely terrified. I don't remember seeing any of these things said as advice on how to get laid or get a girlfriend.

I think most people just take what they want to hear out of a conversation. If you are super uncomfortable approaching you will take these random comments and use it as an excuse to give up.

apresonly · 2024-09-21T17:57:11+00:00

well if women are complaining that men are too aggressive and not conscious enough of consent, how would the solution not be for men to be less "proactive"?

ThatBitchA · 2024-09-21T17:55:45+00:00

We're actually trying to reduce your rejection rates and help you find an actual connection.

But it seems that some men here don't want actual connection. They just want raw causal sex. And they complain about those women who had sex with them and how they are meant for the streets.

So, if you want a girlfriend, treat women as people first and get to know them before making decisions based on their appearance alone.

relationships just "happen in life"

They do. I met my fiancé at work. I've met a majority of my ex boyfriends, fwb, etc. through work or school. Some through wild nights dancing on a club bar. And they all just happened. Organically, because we saw each other as people.

emorizoti · 2024-09-21T21:32:20+00:00

Don't approach women with the intent of dating them.

It depends but it is partially true. If you're in a party or social events, and you find a girl physically attractive of course you have to approach with the intent of dating, hook up, or whatever. But if it is social groups, workplace, or just meeting new people, it's best to get to know them first and see where it goes. She might turn out to be a good friend, or somone you may need in the future instead as a potential partner. It's up to you to judge and how to approach(or not approach at all).

Don't befriend women with the intent of eventually dating them.

This is so true. I've dated friends. But I didn't had any intentions when I met them. With one I had a very beautiful relationship, and even though she is no longer part of my life I have very good memories, a time well spent, and respect. The other few friends I dated or slept with them happened after years of first meeting them and under a certain situation such as a break up, or spending time together. Never had any secret crush or attraction to any of them prior to that. If your intentions are that you want to date someone, you should make it clear and put effort into it. If she is interested in you, good luck. If not, abandon your intentions and move on.

Don't join salsa dances with the intent of meeting women there either.

I'd say it is 50 50. From my experience most of the people that went to latin dancing, didn't care at all about learning to dance seriously but rather to find a partner. This was done mostly by women, as there were far less male dancing partners. It's one of the rare places I've seen women competing for a man or his attention lol

Don't join clubs, hobbies or social groups with the intent of dating women.

Yes. Hobbies are personal not dating activities. But you may come across people who are like minded and form friendships or relationships, but that is not the intention of joining a social club. The intention should be to partecipate in an environment you have lots of interest, enjoy time and socialize in your free time.

AnonPinkLady · 2024-09-22T03:27:29+00:00

I actually being proactive is completely fine for either gender it’s just important to do so without any dehumanizing or selfish intent- you can join a class, befriend a stranger, do any of these things to get to know a person it’s just important that you do so while treating women as people and respecting a “no” when you receive one. These individually can be really hard to do without the right social skills so it may not go over smoothly for every person but it is absolutely fine to try to meet people in these ways as long as you actually get to know them- see them as more than just a potentially partner but also a possible friend.

VWGUYWV · 2024-09-22T16:31:45+00:00

Women imagine the perfect scenario for them in their head and then counsel men on how to make that a reality

For instance, a woman that is a former sex worker would advise men not to judge women by their sexual past

jonni_velvet · 2024-09-21T15:42:06+00:00

You’re misunderstanding. Its about READING SOCIAL CUES.

Coming off as desperately looking for a date with anyone interested is IMMEDIATELY clear to all women, we always know. and they immediately lose interest in being your friend or chatting.

so yes, don’t join a group just seeking a date. it will be obvious, and it will be unattractive. focus on yourself, and having a good time, focus on the hobby, and treat new female friends like you’d treat all new male friends. you will be SO much more successful in finding mutual attraction this way then just seeing it as a “dating mission”.

You SHOULD approach women, but only after they’ve shown mutual interest, such as making eye contact a couple of times of more, or waving or something.

and you SHOULD immediately pick up on when shes not interested in your approach, say thanks and walk away. you should NOT continue to try to push and persuade and overstay your welcome. if you do cold approach, just be willing to dip out immediately when shes not looking at you, facing you, or responding much. that means shes not interested in talking.

flipsidetroll · 2024-09-21T17:21:43+00:00

Once again, baby, NUANCE, MOTHERFUCKA, DO YOU UNDERSTAND IT?

No one is saying don’t be proactive. JFC, it’s like talking to a trained monkey. We are saying there is no set way. There is no set attraction for men or for women. Everyone is different. Everyone’s approaches are different. What they want is different. Fuck me twice on Sunday. Stop being fucking dense on purpose. Do what you are comfortable with. Stop letting others dictate how and why and be confident in you. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Should I sulk and pout and whine because I’m not in the top 20% of attractive women? No. I know some men find me attractive and many don’t. So it is what it is.

The world is not this idealised version. But that’s what you believe if you are red pilled. You believe everyone is the same and if you do x you get y. It’s not like that. Be proactive. But don’t get your identity from a faction who only belittle you. And that includes feminists and redpillers.

ExoticTechnician3220 · 2024-09-21T20:09:17+00:00

Yes, please leave us alone 🙏. I don't feel 'discomfort' when forced into a position where I have to reject a man. I feel abject terror and begin shaking uncontrollably. I've been assaulted far too many times, over a 'No, thanks'.

Title	Most of the advice here just tells men to NOT be proactive in finding a girlfriend
Author	Babyface_Bogart
Upvotes	367
Comments	482
Date	September 21, 2024 3:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fm56ze/most_of_the_advice_here_just_tells_men_to_not_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-of-the-advice-here-just-tells-men-to-not-be.1530930 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530930

Comments