Women advise men to be confident, but also get annoyed if a guy has the audacity to think he has a chance with them

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-06-04T21:26:54+00:00

OPs should be discussion topics, not requests for advice about personal experiences. Requests for personal advice can go in the daily thread.

ChickenSand32 · 2025-05-30T13:46:41+00:00

Women want the guy they find attractive to be confident. They are annoyed by the guy they don’t find attractive.

Tommy_____Vercetti · 2025-05-30T18:03:24+00:00

I swear 90% of the questions on this sub boild down to women not meaning what they say. That's how it is. NO, they do not like what they say they like; NO, they are not who they say they are. Stop trusting anything a woman say and watch her actions and everything will click. Welcome to enlightenment.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-05-30T12:00:59+00:00

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No_Title_615 · 2025-05-31T00:07:11+00:00

Women want chad to be confident. Not Jeffrey who is 5,6 because they only want handsome men to approach them.

BrianMcTill · 2025-05-30T11:10:42+00:00

I am an ugly guy and never understood this either why ugly men think they have any chance with attractive women. I opted out 14 years ago for various reasons (I was around 27), since then I follow a very strict "code", 1 of the things I don't do is I am not looking at women at all. At my current employer my colleagues noticed this after a few months and they asked me about this, I asked back instead "the question is not why I am not looking but why you are, what is your expectation what will happen if you look at them?". Btw we are talking about ugly 45+ year old married men, I also told them I could watch much more attractive women naked on the internet so what is the point really and they could not answer it...

DoctorButtocks · 2025-05-30T11:04:28+00:00

It all boils down to a hidden modifier at the end of every piece of dating advice women give you; be confident and also be hot. This is why youre seeing the double standard, theyre keeping the quiet part quiet.

StreetDifficult1429 · 2025-05-31T02:23:00+00:00

I think deep down nobody wants to put someone else down. None of us want to be the person to ruin another person’s confidence so we hype each other up. It does come off as hypocritical, especially in the situation because often times the women know that the guy would be ludicrous for trying. Basically they want him to try with others just not her.

TheCultOfGrogg · 2025-05-30T20:00:11+00:00

I’m going to just be honest…women are not logical. And the problem is, because men shield them from consequences, they don’t see a point in becoming logical.

So you’re not going to sit here and convince a woman that she’s wrong because she’s hypocritical. Even if you do, they don’t care, because it doesn’t impact them.

You can thank men for letting women have their cake and eat it too. For all of the men here complaining about women, YOU are them problem. You all don’t act up because women are unforgiving and don’t care about men’s feelings in general. So if you want women not to act up, take a fucking hint. Stop accepting their shit.

Forsaken_Bet4973 · 2025-05-31T21:39:40+00:00

Women want certain men to be confident

The_Forgotten001 · 2025-05-30T11:34:35+00:00

Part of me wonders if they are confusing arrogance with confidence, or if they really mean Charisma when they say confidence.

Can’t say I’ve ever had a negative blow up on approach, I have gotten fake numbers, despite me telling the girls it’s okay if they don’t want to.

After that I just transitioned to picking up women online or at work(hospital). Way more straightforward for me

LuckyStrike500 · 2025-05-30T12:41:14+00:00

Men who domestically abuse their partners in relationship. Heinous criminals, killers, even men on death have received love letters and some even in relationships with them. We can clearly see that having a 'bad personality' is not stopping these men from attracting women because the women still find them physically attractive.

If we can see that in some situations having a 'bad personality' is not reducing attraction in cases of physically attractive men. Why is it then so impossible to conceive that there are cases where having a 'good personality' is not increasing attractiveness for physically unattractive men?

OffTheRedSand · 2025-05-30T10:57:58+00:00

some girls do. but i refuse to think most girls "get angry" a man think he has a chance with her.

from what i've seen, and hope other men can back up, most rejections are cordial and just "sorry not interested" it's very rare or 1 is 50 kind of thing where the woman actually get angry and belittle the guy for approaching. hell in most of the cases i've heard where women go off on the guy, it's usually at bars where alcohol was probably involved.

as a gay man i think i once approached a girl, she obviously misunderstood my approach as an interest in her, and she didn't reply to my question and simply gave me a rude look and walked away.

most women don't want trouble, they'll just reject the nicest and fastest they can so the whole thing go away. i don't think with how many times they get approached they have the time to think about each one and valuate each and every man that approaches.

AdmirableSignal6225 · 2025-05-30T11:02:40+00:00

Outside of lost little girls clamouring for attention on TikTok, the exact same is true for unattractive women. Either sex can make up for a deficit in looks with a surplus in personality, but yeah, as a piece of advice “work on your confidence” is pretty useless. Not sure what we’re supposed to be debating here.

Stock-Argument-1040 · 2025-05-30T11:02:25+00:00

They're different women. I swear like half of the posts here that are, "X say this but then they also say that" is very simply explained as these are different people with different opinions. Shocking, I know.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-05-30T11:13:27+00:00

Women don't like confidence, they like men that have the reasons to be confident. Nothing will fill a woman with more disgust and contempt than a man she thinks shouldn't be confident showing the slightly inch of confidence.

It's come from a total lack of introspection, where they as a group never ask why they're attracted to x and just pick the answer that make them see themselves as in the right. Is pure narcissism all the way.

Neptune-Jnr · 2025-05-30T12:06:50+00:00

Stop caring about annoying women. It's the only way to date peacefully

Ill-Cook-6879 · 2025-05-30T11:54:40+00:00

Well confidence is like salt. Need a little of it in many things, but too much and nothing's gonna save what you're attempting

modidlee · 2025-05-31T00:17:28+00:00

One girl I know said she gets offended when “ugly” guys approach her. I told her maybe women are different, but I don’t think men look at themselves in the mirror and think “I’m ugly.” Men are wired to go thru life thinking the impossible is possible. So even if a guy looks at himself and thinks he might need a haircut, or that bump on his face isn’t completely gone, we’re wired to think our charm and personality can win anyone over.

attendquoi · 2025-05-30T12:18:53+00:00

If you're approaching randoms, you're not guaranteed a polite response. Have men never worked in customer service or something?

Solondthewookiee · 2025-05-30T13:50:48+00:00

Why do so many posts seem to believe that if advice doesn't result in universal adoration by women, then it is useless advice?

Confidence works.

Confidence does not work 100% of the time no exceptions.

pseudonymmed · 2025-05-30T14:48:16+00:00

They’re not the same women.

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bluestjuice · 2025-05-30T14:27:10+00:00

You’re not wrong on that, it is contradictory behavior.

Two points:

Confidence is pretty much always more attractive than a lack of confidence. This can tip over into arrogance where it can be a drawback, but in broad strokes a healthy confidence level will improve the attractiveness of a person regardless of where they start on raw physical attributes or whatever.
Rudeness and disparaging comments in response to a respectful and cordial gambit is bad behavior on the part of the person making the comments. Obviously this happens (and generally if someone is receiving this sort of response a lot I would advise them to really evaluate whether their come-ons are respectful and cordial), but it doesn’t speak well of the person making the rude comments. Rude responses to come-ons should be reserved for people who are pushy or disrespectful. I’m fine with calling people out for being offended simply because someone had the audacity to shoot their shot.

saguarogarza · 2025-05-30T18:02:27+00:00

Advice which is generally good and works in most cases, is not advice which works with every person? Be confident is good advice for job seeking as well, but it doesn't mean if I apply for a nuclear physicist position I am going to get it.

RubyMatthewsAd3 · 2025-05-30T20:18:45+00:00

I’m unattractive guy but I think it’s obvious and fair if a two guys came up to a girl both confident one looked like me the other Brad Pitt or something they would pick the lather everytime. You can’t fault them for that. Being more confident is a good thing and it does help it’s something I’m working on. It’s just obvious an attractive guy will have more success you can’t fault anyone for that.

Capable-Rice-1876 · 2025-05-31T18:46:29+00:00

This is example that women don't know what they want.

iLiveInAHologram94 · 2025-06-01T20:07:45+00:00

rejection is apart of life. Sorry
yes be confident, but be realistic too, and be prepared the answer might be no. Don't take it so personally though, it could be no for a million different reasons.

classicslayer · 2025-05-30T12:57:59+00:00

Dude true confidence comes from thinking you're worthy of pursing whatever the hell you want out of life. What it's not is crying because a woman said something bitchy to you. Anyone can make a cutting remark that doesn't mean you break down because of it.

No-Boysenberry-6685 · 2025-05-30T12:47:27+00:00

that is a very unrealistic reaction, typically it ends with a restraining order in real life.

flipsidetroll · 2025-05-30T13:54:47+00:00

If a guy is confident, he’s already more attractive. And guess what, turnips? Not every woman will find every man attractive. Is that what you are aiming for. Sexual communism? Where everyone is equally attractive to everyone else? How many times do you see men whining about how ugly or fat women think they have a chance with them? It’s this belief that all women are the same, that is ruining your mental health and actually makes you ugly. You refuse to listen to women. So I think women are no longer listening to you whine.

MyLastBestChance · 2025-05-30T13:03:07+00:00

Once again confusing an initial qualification for consideration with a singular guarantee of success…

Think about it this way:

Let’s say you’re walking by a construction site and see a sign that says “All Visitors Must Wear a Hard Hat”.

Would you go out and buy a hard hat and show up there expecting to walk in and wander around and then be all pissed off when they won’t let you and claim that the construction company is LYING?

ThatBitchA · 2025-05-30T15:32:08+00:00

A man can be confident, and I'm still not going to be into him.

What this sub continues to fail to understand is that even if you're hot, confident, and find a woman attractive, that woman doesn't have to reciprocate and that woman might be annoyed you bothered her peace.

Be confident. Don't expect every woman you're attracted to to be interested in you. Just because you find her hot, doesn't mean she's going to feel the same way.

Also, stop cold approaching strangers. Nothing is more irritating than being approached by some strange man who thinks I'm pretty.

Bulky_Analyst_9168 · 2025-05-30T13:56:37+00:00

There is a line between confident and arrogant, knowing your worth and acting like entitled to something. And it goes for both genders.

Sometimes I feel men see social life as an black and white and always sailing from opposite to another without understanding the right thing is in the middle and it's all about balance.

"Confident" is used as an excuse to be a dick, arrogant and mean and then they wonder why it doesn't work. And after that they act like the only other option is being complete doormat without personality or opinions.

TheMedsPeds · 2025-05-30T20:59:55+00:00

Have you thought that maybe the women that are telling men to "just be confident" are just DIFFERENT PEOPLE than the ones saying "ew that dude hit on me?

There are 4 billion of us. We tend to sometimes have different opinions.

If I had a dollar for every time I have heard a guy say "exist as a woman, have endless options for sex" but I have no options at the moment to have sex. I guess maybe if I went on FB and post "I AM HORNY AS FUCK SOMEONE GIVE ME THE DICK" I might get a message idk, I haven't sunk that low. But switching my relationship status to single and post vague complaints about "ugh, not wanting to have to try a dating app" hasn't gotten me any DMs and I have 650+ friends. The statuses just get ignored or I will get a "aw, you'll meet someone one day!" but that's it. No dudes offering to go on a date or even just wanting to fuck. Crickets.

But even though that is my existence, I would never think to say "men are hypocrites, they say women can get sex all the time by just existing, yet here I am a non-obese, no-child-having adult that is posting that I am single and men aren't trying to have sex with me, that means men are hypocrites and don't understand logic"

Or maybe, if a hot chick does say "be confident", she is assuming, ugly girls who get no male attention would say yes because they would be glowing that just SOMEONE wants them. I know chicks like this, unattractive and overweight chicks glowing on FB about "bae, and nobody better try to take her man" and he is the grossest, jobless, sit around and drink all day loser that you could imagine. But when he is in a good mood he tells her that's she is beautiful and he loves her and that's literally all she wants. And how did this couple hook up? At some point he saw her and flirted with her.

I honestly think most incels are either shooting too high or are too afraid to approach women. So I guess, put me in the catigorey of women who agree with that statement. But for the record, if I guy I wouldn't sleep with a guy that hit on me I just think "I'd rather not. I feel a tiny bit flattered that a guy finds me attractive but still turn him down because I am not attracted to him and move on. I've literally never thought "how dare he think he has a chance with me?!?!?!"

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-30T13:58:25+00:00

Because you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, obviously

Prestigious_Gain5421 · 2025-05-30T12:18:18+00:00

OP needs to understand that people are shallow but between men and women, men are more shallow. Most men don’t give ugly women a chance but we can see more hot women dating average or ugly men. However, recently there’s a trend where hot / beautiful women should NOT give ugly men a chance. Give an ugly man a chance and he thinks he owns the world.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-05-30T11:27:53+00:00

Omfg.

The better part of confidence is being able to take an L without shitting your pants and giving up.

You will get shot down. Hard.

You need to dust yourself off and have another go.

Every hit is information, not an indictment of your worth as a person.

PracticalControl2179 · 2025-05-30T16:37:22+00:00

I wonder why ugly men don’t want ugly women. Men constantly rant about hypergamy amongst women, yet the reality is that men are extremely hypergamous.

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rejected-again · 2025-05-30T19:55:15+00:00

I think you're confusing who's giving the "just be confident" advice. It's mostly men who are saying this. Women couldn't care less about whether ugly men succeed at dating or not. They just want those guys to go away and die and let all the hotties approach them.

JoshyJay95 · 2025-05-31T06:04:00+00:00

Everything women say when it comes to love only applies if you're attractive to them.

The evidence is pretty hard to miss

SilverSaan · 2025-05-31T09:02:35+00:00

Straight men also do get annoyed when a guy asks them out.

John-Zero · 2025-06-04T05:14:12+00:00

but in reality no one gets gossiped more than the guy who approaches a woman that perceives him as being beneath her league.

How do you know that? There is absolutely zero chance that you have any close women friends, so how would you know what they gossip about?

there are countless threads/blogs/vlogs with women asking "where do ugly men get all this confidence from?"

If they're so countless, why have I literally never seen one? Maybe you keep seeing them because you're looking for them. You want your woe-is-me attitude to be validated so you look for shit that will make you depressed. Grow up and go to therapy.

onetimeuseaccc · 2025-06-04T20:09:07+00:00

You're attributing the things one group says to another. The same group of women who say approach more are probably not the ones that get mad at ugly dudes approaching them.

Its the same argument when you hear women go "wow I get made fun of and are seen as less attractive for being a prude but the moment I have a body count I'm a whore and I'm a slut!" When it's clearly two different groups of men with different values

onearmedmonkey · 2025-05-30T15:41:52+00:00

women: "Have you tried being hot and rich? That usually works."

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2025-05-30T15:57:48+00:00

The only dating advise any man should take from a man or woman is to become more physically and sexually attractive. Anything else is cope and comfort.

pranavBirbal · 2025-05-30T17:42:09+00:00

So many women in this comment section are not getting that this is not about finding the man interesting or rejecting him.

Its about taking the offence on "THIS man ask ME out? wtf?" - basically superiority complex.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-05-30T11:59:36+00:00

A) Are we sure it’s the same women? Because personally I never was offended by ugly guys approaching me, the only thing I found offensive/creepy was middle aged dudes hitting on me as a teen. B) There’s a difference between confidence and audacity. Usually, I see women asking where ugly guys get the audacity to say unkind things about the appearance of women a lot more attractive than them, for example. That’s not confidence, usually a sign of the opposite.

jacare_o · 2025-05-30T18:00:47+00:00

They want us to read minds and figure out if they are attracted to us before we approach them. They don't want to approach us themselves either.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-05-30T21:55:14+00:00

Why do some of you talk like “be confident” is supposed to be a cheat code? Confidence doesn’t mean every woman you approach will trip over herself to date you, it just means you’ll probably do better than if you’re sulking and self-deprecating. It improves your chances, it’s not a guarantee. No one owes you a yes just because you tried.

WhatTheyWanttoHear · 2025-05-30T12:37:36+00:00

Yeah, I guess I'm just too confident for women and that probably is true because a lot of these women can't even be confident about themselves

GKilat · 2025-05-30T16:56:02+00:00

Being confident doesn't mean being pushy. It's about accepting who you are as a person. You are compatible with someone out there among the 4B women on earth even if the total amount of person who is compatible with you is one person because that is all you need as a partner. There is no need to be depressed that you are not super popular like chads are.

That said, you shouldn't expect every woman you are interested in will find you interesting just as you don't find every women attractive. Who knows, the woman who is compatible with you is among the average looking women that you overlooked because she isn't as beautiful as the super popular ones.

EugeneCezanne · 2025-05-31T20:13:48+00:00

You can be confident without being unrealistic.

Inability to make that distinction is a notable psychological trait of children. But I expect better of grown men.

Title	Women advise men to be confident, but also get annoyed if a guy has the audacity to think he has a chance with them
Author	Crazy_Kray
Upvotes	213
Comments	341
Date	May 30, 2025 10:45 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kz1376/women_advise_men_to_be_confident_but_also_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-advise-men-to-be-confident-but-also-get.1553476 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553476

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