Why do so many liberal feminist women discourage so many under 30 women from getting married and having kids in their 20s ?

AceOfBlacks · 2021-05-22T21:52:25+00:00

For the same reasons older men discourage younger men from getting married and having children in their 20's.

It's usually financially irresponsible, and binding.

ohheyhi99 · 2021-05-22T22:05:59+00:00

It definitely isn’t all or only liberal feminists encouraging people to delay marriage.

SunShoresMayor · 2021-05-22T21:50:51+00:00

Idk I'm not a liberal woman but it's not like I encourage women to get hitched young either. What I usually will advise is to not throw away love just because you think you're too young. Don't go looking for it, focus on yourself, but if love slaps you in the face don't just discard it because of your age (talking about adults here, anyone over the age of 18 who are independent). I got married when I was 20, to the man I've been with since I was 19. I know that statistics tell me my marriage shouldn't have lasted the ten years that it has, but I don't really give a damn when I'm living in reality. Also I think it's important to note that I've been independent since I was 17 because of my parents' death so it's not wise for anyone to use me as an example. So again, everyone should do what they think is right, I just don't think anyone should throw away a happy and healthy loving relationship just because they think they're too young.

CodeCody23 · 2021-05-22T21:52:01+00:00

Well, I’ve seen what could happen for women who had kids and gotten married in their early 20s. They get divorced, broke, unhappy and dating prospects tank, because men in that age 20-35 range would rarely settle for a single mom.

zanyskatewad · 2021-05-22T23:58:18+00:00

Because they lack financial and mental stability. Being a parent takes A LOT of resources and sacrifice. It's beneficial for the children, the woman, and society that the woman has a child when they're ready.

NoCardiologist8249 · 2021-05-23T01:18:37+00:00

At 23 I was significantly more naive than as I was when I was older. Many other people say the same thing. The reason behind the advice is not to listen to societal pressure to rush into marriage and children before you are sure it’s something you want.

There was a post in some subreddit where a woman married at 18 and had kids. She now resents her husband and her kids. This is a horrible situation for all involved and could’ve been avoided without the rush.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-05-22T21:55:15+00:00

Ii was married with a baby in my early 20s. Note the “was.” Most of the couples I know that got married very young also got divorced very young. Someone is probably going to respond that they got married at 18 and have been together for 30 years or something and I hope it continues to work out for them. Ideally a couple should be out of school, established in their careers, and reasonably out of debt before adding a baby into the mix.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-05-23T00:05:23+00:00

I’m not a liberal feminist, maybe some kind of feminist, but my thoughts are that getting married before about 25 is just not a good idea for most women or men. People change too much, and those who marry young tend to end up divorced young, often with children. That’s what “find themselves” and “explore” is about. Often, older women will tell younger women that because they married too young and ended up going through that exploration phase after a divorce and want to spare them the hassle. Not that there aren’t exceptions and not that I would tell anyone what they can and can’t do. It’s ultimately an individual choice, but stats say marriage before 25 is a bad idea. 28-32 is the ideal time window statistically, though you will find happy couples who married younger and older.

Dominemm · 2021-05-23T00:37:39+00:00

My best friend married at 23 and had a baby 6 months later. She's a fantastic mom and lovesher kid but everything else is miserable and we (my friends) have to send her money pretty regularly.

My parents married early and it worked out, but it's a big risk.

midwestufohunter · 2021-05-22T21:56:20+00:00

Because their financial future will suffer greatly and she will be much more likely to be trapped in a relationship with an abuser for financial reasons.

mistresswhat · 2021-05-23T04:33:34+00:00

My mother strongly encouraged me to "play the field" and "know myself" before making any permanent commitments.

She's a serial monogamist who spent a lot of her twenties through early thirties in a relationship with a man who developed pretty serious alcoholism while they were together. She met my dad in her mid-thirties and the they have an incredibly happy and loving relationship to this day. They both attribute a lot of their success to the fact that they had both lived very full lives before meeting, with lots of relationships and different jobs and travel. They knew themselves and what they wanted.

All my friends who got married young are divorced. My friends with parents who got married young either have divorced parents or parents who are still married but hate each other. I grew up with parents who adored each other, and still do.

Maybe it's just good advice.

malin_w13 · 2021-05-22T21:44:34+00:00

Because the worst thing that can happen is to end up uneducated, unemployed, generally dissatisfied with life, and most importantly filled with regret (which is what happened to many of our grandmothers/mothers).

There’s more to life than that, so why not explore what’s out there? While most things in life are temporary; once you are a parent that can never be changed and you better be damn sure about wanting it. Even if you come to a realization that you want to be a mother and get married, it’s better to have experience and make an educated decision. What’s stopping you from getting married and having a kid at 27 instead of 21..

rosephase · 2021-05-22T21:39:54+00:00

I’m a leftest feminist. I don’t tell other women how to make their choices. I also know my view is bias as someone who always found the thought of having kids deeply unpleasant.

I do worry about young women having kids because it would have ruined my life at that age and the people I see who are happy with being parents all started later... but I assume it works for some women. And who the hell am I to tell other women what to do with their bodies?

wordsandmagic · 2021-05-23T05:23:46+00:00

I encourage everyone to dodge marriage until at least late 20s.

chrissy676 · 2021-05-23T06:04:52+00:00

Because studies show marriages that start later in life, last longer. In addition, the avg age of marriage for men and women in America is 27-28 so yes, 23 is very young to get married and have children.

Ladyofblades · 2021-05-22T22:42:12+00:00

High chance of divorce leaving her as a single mom to take care of kids, with gaps in her education and work experience. Many women don’t ever get to the potential they would have had if they hadn’t married early. This can impact your earning potential (and dating prospects obviously) for life.

StiophanOC · 2021-05-22T23:44:13+00:00

If this subreddit only allowed posts based on hard data...

...would there even be any posts?

vial_of_music · 2021-05-23T02:32:14+00:00

The divorce rates are highest for people under 25. Your prefrontal cortex, the decision making part of your brain, just finished developing around 21-22. Most of the time you are just getting out of college and learning how to be a real adult, there are other things that should be learned and prioritized. A lot of grads may feel lost because your whole life you are fed this “direction” you should follow and all of sudden post grad there isn’t realllyyy direction. Live for yourself, make mistakes and learn from them. This isn’t to say that women shouldn’t get in healthy, monogamous LTR, because people can lead flourishing lives outside and inside of their relationships. It’s just like.. why the rush? Why legally bind yourself to someone so early? Just be happy to together, it’s not like some legal piece of paper will change emotional feelings about each other. Again this is all coming from a healthy relationship perspective. Also getting a divorce is very messy and painful, why put yourself in a position that statistically will happen to you. It’s just the pros of not getting married outweigh the cons of versus getting married 28+

yabbobay · 2021-05-23T03:14:07+00:00

For me, at 23, even though I was educated and halfway through a masters, I was a complete idiot.

25 is the new 18... And I this was true 22 years ago too.

alberto-hoff · 2021-05-23T12:53:24+00:00

I moved in with a boyfriend and had a child in my early twenties and I would 100% discourage it.

I didn't have enough dating experience or enough people experience to decipher whether or not this guy would make a good lifetime partner and father.

Alas, the relationship went to shit, he had to move out and I was a single parent.

PurplePill_Throwaway · 2021-05-22T21:59:39+00:00

I would assume because women are more encouraged do get their education and establish themselves in their careers first. And they are also more likely to carry most of the burdens of childrearing and domestic life once they are married and have children. Plus with modern medicine, women are able to have healthy pregnancies later and later.

cowfishAreReal · 2021-05-22T21:40:49+00:00

I'm definitely not for treating women like teenagers. Maybe that's because having kids young can ruin a woman's career

relish5k · 2021-05-22T22:22:50+00:00

You cannot be (should not be) selfish when you have children. Basically all of your free time is spent caring for them, working, or keeping up your household unless you make specific arrangements to do something else. Most people in their 20s are focused on themselves and their own satisfaction with life, as is normal. You kinda gotta run that through your system before you re-arrange your life to put a baby first.

Abject_Illustrator_3 · 2021-05-22T22:21:47+00:00

Getting married is more work for a woman and kids are a burden. So live it up then tie yourself down.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-05-22T22:27:01+00:00

why should western women have kids young?

learn2earn89 · 2021-05-22T21:59:47+00:00

Hmm. I never felt pressured one way or another. Neither feminists or conservative folks had much to do with how I turned out. I think perhaps my education (I read a lot of male authors as a kid) kind of made me feel like finding a partner and having kids is something you do when you’re ready. I always felt like a kid in my twenties so I didn’t feel like I could take on children or I could truly satisfy a man (I’m unattractive).

SaBahRub · 2021-05-22T23:04:53+00:00

The data and class trends are pretty clear

allybab · 2021-05-23T00:19:34+00:00

Because it’s sound advice. Literally speaks for itself. More “Liberals” in general have likely travelled/explored the world more and shared experiences with people from broader walks of life etc etc.

goatismycopilot · 2021-05-23T00:30:15+00:00

Most of the women I work with get married by mid or late 20's and have a baby right before or at 30.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-05-23T02:32:23+00:00

Define "20s".

Personally there's lots of growing and changing in your early 20s. I mean do you even want kids? Also there's studies that show that the brain isn't finished growing until you're 25.

I'd say making lifelong and binding decisions such as marriage and kids before your brain develops isnt smart.

Also ngl I'd regret stuff I didn't get to experience more than what I did.

Kumquat_conniption · 2021-05-23T00:25:47+00:00

Becuase it is very good advice? Marrying young leads to more divorce. You can't travel or focus on your career when you have kids. Kids are better cared for later in life when you have more resources.. I mean the list could go on and on.

I don't think it is just liberal feminists. It is advice from almost everyone. (Except the weirdo tradcons here.)

OddAlternatives · 2021-05-22T21:36:50+00:00

Statistics say later marriages are more successful. Wonder if class has an impact on that being true

erik443 · 2021-05-22T23:16:09+00:00

Because getting married and having children is financially hindering and shorten your options. We're living till our 80s now, we don't need that kind of hurry anymore

darkredpintobeans · 2021-05-23T01:14:43+00:00

This isn't "liberal feminist" advice my 76 year old trump supporting aunt gave me this exact advice. It's good advice too! getting married and having kids young is generally a bad idea cause young people are stupid af. All my friends in their early 20s who do have kids are completely miserable and their relationships are falling apart.

AntWillFortune15 · 2021-05-22T23:59:42+00:00

[deleted]

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2021-05-22T21:49:35+00:00

This is made up.

Link us to sources where this actually happens or is being espoused.

SouthernGrass3 · 2021-05-23T02:13:45+00:00

Hmm. I’m a feminist, and I think it’s best for people to pair up and ideally get married under 30, although many people also have success after that.

I would caution most people against actually getting married under 25 or so though, since people are still maturing and changing a lot in their early 20s which makes legally binding yourself to another person more risky.

Most of my friends got married in their mid to late 20s and had been dating for at least a couple of years already.

I haven’t heard a woman tell another woman to explore (in terms of men- I assume that’s what you mean) in real life.

Pola_Lita · 2021-05-23T02:48:01+00:00

Experience.

And I've seen this not only from liberals but from conservatives both male and female and pretty much anyone who cares about the person. Society and the world have changed.

OkKaleidoscope8048 · 2021-05-23T11:27:30+00:00

Because it sucks to get married and have kids period.

cyanidequ33n · 2021-05-23T23:41:55+00:00

women have more to loose from a bad marriage than men do

343_peaches_and_tea · 2021-05-22T22:03:27+00:00

They're not? Or at least I haven't met one that does.

I am married to a Libfem. We had our first son when we were in our 20s.

Libfems are aware of the issues with having children post 35 too you know and they talk about it?

What libfems typically say is that if you want a career then you should get that sorted first. That would put university educated women into having kids in their late 20s, early 30s. Which is fine.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-05-23T00:47:40+00:00

I thought they were telling women to prioritise post-secondary education and getting a career established first.

A lot of women think this is a very good idea.

The Trad Con idea of women with poor educations and career prospects marrying young to "some career dude" is not a good idea for women anymore. And it's not a good idea for men.

The reality is that "traditional" marry-em-young type arrangements are no longer a good idea for young people these days.

Most of the people marrying now are college educated people and both people have degrees and careers. Degreed people with careers have the LOWEST chance of divorce, although a chance of divorce is always there. A degreed man marrying a degreed woman MIGHT have better odds of getting joint custody and paying less child support and little or no spousal support. However, women can change how much they work and how much they earn overnight, and payments are based on income disparity between parents.

TrinnyM · 2021-05-23T07:11:43+00:00

You make a lot of dumb decisions when you're in your early 20's, Men can take advantage of that especially older men.

If your career isn't established as a young woman & you get married, have kids then your risk for poverty will increase if you leave your spouse. So potentially you may stay longer in a relationship that isn't healthy.

If you already have an established career then atleast there isn't that problem of being financially controlled by an abuser.

I guess the general idea is that usually men's careers aren't as affected by having kids as the woman tends to do the care taking role, so where as a woman may have to work part time if work at all; a man won't need to change his work hours. It may even be favourable in some workplaces because they'll romanticise him for being a family man.

It's probably also not a good idea to make life altering decisions before your brain has fully developed which isn't till about 25. Supposedly.

silencedmajority1 · 2021-05-23T01:39:41+00:00

Because women grow up and they look back, they know how immature they were back then

flojo5 · 2021-05-23T04:53:11+00:00

I’m seeing something very different in the groups of feminist women I know. They are encouraging women in their 20’s to find a really good mate as they know it’s the make or break move for a women who wants it all and have seen so many of themselves or friends struggle with fertility and/or starting marriage and babies too late to “have it all”they are encouraging babies earlier not late 30’s or 40’s. I would say that the GenX feminist are a very different group.

Beltadowa · 2021-05-23T06:40:51+00:00

Because it makes better prospects for us in this crazy, complex modern world.

hoxxii · 2021-05-23T08:00:49+00:00

I got that comment but it was more like "look at all these women in this village - they married young and are now stuck, angry and sad. Don't become like them. Do something with your life!"

It was all well meaning. The older women wished a better, more meaningful life for us. Often I got compared to my much older cousin who dated rich men, travelled to the US and had nice jobs. She however didn't get kids until after 40 so she got lucky.

Me? I did the math and married at 23 and gave birth to my first child at 24. BUT I had gotten my university degree and worked. So I did it all at once. It really isn't an "either or" if you are smart about it.

here4URadvice · 2021-05-23T12:58:21+00:00

there is an overall agenda to destroy the family structure. in doing so, you strip people of their prime directive. when you take away the one thing we came here to do, we lose our way, they want us to stray from the path of god because they want to wage war against god hoping that they can summon god. thats my theory. I could be wrong, but.... idk man.

when you dont like the fact that families are in jeopardy, they label you a hater. so everything is already down the drain. they win, so all that means is 'now they can have more gangbangs'

AreOut · 2021-05-23T14:31:29+00:00

for the same reason a fat ugly girl is yelling at a guy who approaches her beautiful friend

DP8414 · 2021-05-23T20:59:23+00:00

Because they aren't satisfied unless everyone else is mimicking their own miserable lifestyle. They want to impose their failed lifestyle on others so that way society feels safer for them. They don't actually have the best interests of these women at heart, nor are they interested in letting them express their individuality like they claim. It's conformity or else.

cuckspace · 2021-05-22T23:55:38+00:00

Misery loves company.

thunderberker · 2021-05-22T23:43:16+00:00

The newer the generation, the worse it gets. People stay “children” until they are 26. Legally. We don’t want to grow up, which is why you have early 30s people still trying to act like cool teenagers. It’s a horrible thing honestly, but I do understand not wanting to have to accept adult responsibilities. They’re a pain.

ivy176 · 2021-05-23T03:16:20+00:00

I got married at 20. Divorced at 30

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-05-23T05:09:26+00:00

Why do so many liberal feminist women

Because statistically, having kids when you're unprepared is a HORRIBLE idea. And why do you assume it's just feminists? Most Western women know how stupid it is to marry young.

It's astonishing how many of these women treat 23+ women like naive little teenagers who don't know better.

STATISTICS, not feminism, shows couples who marry between 25 to 32 have the lowest divorce rates.

They'll tell them that they need ''to find themselves'' and '' explore''. Why?

Because you make better decisions in your older years than in your younger years.

When did facts become liberal propaganda?

Davidfosford · 2021-05-23T02:29:46+00:00

men shouldn't get married till they understand women to avoid gold diggers, are financially stable and mature aka age 30 -35.

women should get married younger because they will inevitably hit the wall around 30-35 and her chances of attracting the type of men she wants aka tall attractive, rich men around her age bracket will greatly diminish

men have to develop their value before they get married and women have to get married to the best they can before their value gets diminished

geyejoe7 · 2021-05-22T21:44:27+00:00

Because in their opinion, no man is worth a damn. Or almost any man at least.

It's probably because they missed their chances, so now they're trying to inhibit other women from achieving those goals themselves.

LuRivera · 2021-05-22T21:37:04+00:00

Yea it is kinda dumb how running a household and doing more “traditional” woman stuff is frowned upon even if it’s what someone wants

flowerwoven · 2021-05-22T21:53:22+00:00

There are many reasons and it can be different reasons for different people. Some feminists are bitter, regretful, and want women to make the same mistakes they did. They want to keep these mistakes commonplace so they don't have to fully admit they were wrong. Other feminists hate families, especially kids and babies, and don't want other women to have them. There are feminists who actually believe being a wholesome, happy, caring wife and mother is somehow inferior to buying a plane ticket, sitting at a desk, and getting a worthless degree.

Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2021-05-22T21:46:50+00:00

Some say it is explotation, others that it is fundamented in the patriarchy, but it really doesnt matter, whatever you do you will always be criticized, i can guarantee you that there are a lot of women who would like to marry and be a housewive but they dont say it because they will face a lot of backlash, it aint politically correct after all.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-05-23T00:54:08+00:00

Probably trying to tell other women to be like them, basically.

jflc3l · 2021-05-23T03:34:14+00:00

Misery loves company. They just don’t wanna seem like they are the only one who fucked up

Inevitable_Gain_7456 · 2021-05-23T08:35:15+00:00

To encourage them to string along as many males as they can while they use them as progression stones.

CockAFuckityFuck · 2021-05-22T21:47:42+00:00

Misery loves company.

JustFactsBitches · 2021-05-23T01:02:29+00:00

Barren feminist shrews don’t want other women enjoying the benefits of loving relationships they were too shallow and selfish to enjoy.

Even the creator of Sex and the City admits her lifestyle was a huge mistake.

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7295837/amp/Sex-City-writer-admits-regrets-choosing-career-having-children.html

apsg33 · 2021-05-23T00:03:40+00:00

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synosphrene · 2021-05-23T00:08:08+00:00

Because they think career will bring more happiness than having children.

evaneli13 · 2021-05-23T03:05:00+00:00

I have an old friends with benefits that is a bit older than me. She wanted to try everything. Drugs, sex, traveling, etc. Focused on her career. All fine and dandy. She later started seeing all her friends settle down but she liked being free. Now she wants a baby but she basically wants to skip all the steps of building a relationship and go right to baby. Thing is that she doesn't want to be a single mother. She wants the family life. She wants a good man. Not just his sperm. Problem is that most men at any age are put off by the thought of having a baby right away with someone they have maybe only been with a few months if it even gets to a few month. At a certain age, women have to be up front to men of what they want and that can scare us away. Women's clocks are ticking and they don't realize that they don't have time for relationship mistakes. Experiences that they should have gotten out of the way a decade before but some women are too into themselves instead of the real life investment that is to most fulfilling

Not saying that kids are the only fulfillment in life. I'm talking more for the ones who choose to have kid.

owta_this_world · 2021-05-23T03:56:47+00:00

Because children mean responsibility and responsibility takes away from having fun and pleasure.

Liberal feminists believe pleasure is the meaning of life and life is about maximising pleasure/happiness/enjoyment.

To have fun you are told you need to travel, party, socialise, have the sex you can't have in a marriage, save the trees and the bees in some prestigious corporate job. Of course everyone who's done any of these activities knows 95% of it all is overrated and the happiness/enjoyment you get out of them are fleeting. Happiness is not only temporary but also genetic so chasing it is pointless. Should add that people take the shape of the containers they're in; if every woman is partying, travelling and hooking up with guys then she must do it too to not be ostracised or forgotten (even if it's mostly overrated). Guys are no different it's just how we are as humans.

Having kids prevents you from doing what you're "supposed" to do in your 20s.

Also debt is screwing over young people and boomer politicians don't give a shit. How are you supposed to have kids when no job security exists and no housing security exists either?

fluidmoviestar · 2021-05-23T05:41:53+00:00

It’s a decision on a spectrum: on one end, immature childbearing that leads to a sort of enclosure that forces a young woman into a permanent role (mother), foregoing life experiences that make for an informed, interesting mother. On the other, unfulfilled careerism that leaves one without the biological fulfillment that millennia of evolution have prepared us for, and that one needs to have externally validated through others following in the same footsteps. Happiness likely lives somewhere in the middle.

Major-Stuff · 2021-05-23T07:35:59+00:00

Don’t need to

jasmine-blossom · 2021-05-23T09:47:22+00:00

“WHAT MAKES PEOPLE MORE OR LESS LIKELY TO DIVORCE?

your age

48 percent of those who marry before the age of 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25 percent of those who marry after the age of 25.44. 60 percent of couples married between the age of 20 -25 will end in divorce.45. Those who wait to marry until they are over 25 years old are 24 percent less likely to get divorced.”

source

Also when you have less experience and are less independent and settled in your career path, you are much more vulnerable to abuse. If you are financially independent and stable, you will at least have the financial resources to escape should you need to.

Luna99NB · 2021-05-23T10:44:01+00:00

Because a woman who is vulnerable and financially dependent are going to be bad mothers? Many of us were raised by such young dependent housewife mothers and these women made our lives hell. So we don't want any other future daughters to suffer?

Nirv127 · 2021-05-23T10:56:21+00:00

I think the fact is that people don't ever stop growing, learning and adpating their beliefs, wants and morals. Alongside the difficulty of being financially stable to have a child increasing with every generation, it makes sense that those who have been there and got the t-shirt would be cautionary.

Personally, I'm well aware that having a child at my age (22) makes some women step up, it sorts their world out and everything can go perfectly. In the same sense, I've seen just as many struggle, suffer and have to fight for their normality to return. In your early 20's you have so much time to make your own situation secure, even if it can seem like life is running away. I don't take it as an insult when someone is cautionary due to their experiences.

Khmera · 2021-05-23T11:32:13+00:00

I got to live and work abroad in several countries because I didn’t marry or have children. I’m so grateful for my life. Having done that in my twenties and thirties haas made me a better adult and even bough I need to travel live abroad, I won’t be able to for quite some time now, I won’t regret or resent anyone because I can’t right now.

superlurkage · 2021-05-23T14:34:15+00:00

Because young people are....young, poor, inexperienced and dumb? I was, for example

g0juice · 2021-05-23T14:53:24+00:00

Anger

mechele2024 · 2021-05-23T17:03:23+00:00

I’m about to be 20 myself in 5 days. And I’m not necessarily liberal. But I already see some of the cons of marrying young. But this is all my personally opinion and therefore I don’t extend this to every young couple getting married.

Some things especially that stands out is my friends (who are all young women) who are getting married seem to center their attention to their partner, they haven’t been together for a long time (all of them only been with their boyfriend for a year), they don’t seem to have a life outside the relationship (and by that I mean they don’t ever want to do things for their own merit they only seek out their partner’s approval for majority of things), and always strive to please their partner.

And while I don’t think there is anything wrong with this, I can tell it’s taking a toll on my best friend. Ever since her and her boyfriend got engaged he seems to be pressing some expectations on her that he didn’t before. He expects her to do all the house work, all the cleaning, basically he is pushing traditional mindsets on her that she has told me twice she dislikes. But instead of pausing the wedding back and actually thinking about if this is the guy she will be marrying, she instead decides to go on with it.

She believes since they have “one talk” about it that it solves all their problems when a week from now I have a feeling she is gonna call me and tell what else he is doing. I agree with what most here has said, when are young you make some pretty not thought out decisions. A lot of girls around me really seem to want to rush the marriage part, but are shocked when the guy changes on them.

DplusLplusKplusM · 2021-05-23T17:19:20+00:00

Those who follow statistics might be looking at the fact that marriages involving people under about 25/26 have astronomical divorce rates (while that rate tends to go down after that age). Also, people used to be career ready at 18 while now it usually takes longer to get the qualifications to hold a job that would support a family.

Good-Strong · 2021-05-23T19:18:05+00:00

Because it's not a great idea to marry/start having kids very young for innumerable reasons, and make that x100 if both parties are still mostly dependant on their parents for finances.

If two people are truly in love, waiting 2-4 years to be in a decent place financially isn't going to kill their relationship.

Coming back to the exact topic at hand, I do consider myself a feminist, I'm not totally against early marriage/motherhood., even if the couple aren't totally financially independent at the time (which is far from ideal imo, but still). If the husband/boyfriend is ready to pull his weight and support the young woman to achieve her dreams, or the woman is actually sure she has no dreams beyond marriage and motherhood, it can be a decent deal for her.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-05-23T21:51:53+00:00

I haven't heard "discourage" before. It seems like they "encourage" you to take your time before getting married/have kids. Both are HUGE commitments that are expensive and time-consuming. There's no harm in waiting and making sure you're ready to be in that position (or whether it's something you want at all!)

2021-05-24T03:56:48+00:00

Usually they'll provide their reasons next to the advice.

Do you disagree with it? Why?

eyeletflowers · 2021-05-24T15:05:17+00:00

Western people are very neurotic nowadays when it comes to the subject of children. Everything in life has to be perfect in their minds. I have known plenty of women who know they want children from a young age and pace around for years and years looking for the perfect man. They realize said perfect man doesn't exist at 35 and have 1 or 2 children in their late 30s or early 40s at the last opportunity with an imperfect man after all.

Danielcraigboston1 · 2021-05-24T15:14:55+00:00

[deleted]

urminecraftgf98 · 2021-05-25T00:20:29+00:00

Because when you’re young, you are still figuring out who you are and what you want. So many young people out there rush into marriage, only to divorce because people change whether for better or worse. Not to mention you can’t really travel and explore the world whenever you want with kids you have to take care of.

healththrow345 · 2021-05-25T02:45:46+00:00

Not feminists but their mothers or family who felt trapped in their relationships so told women to get that education and job so that they could have the power they never did. Many women back in the day felt trapped because they couldn't work or pursue their dreams. Even men tell the youth to enjoy their life. Lots of posts on reddit by young parents say they wished they waited a bit longer before marriage and kids. They wish they experienced more life. Look at all the regrets of their 20s posts on reddit. All saying the same stuff.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-05-26T06:27:04+00:00

Because getting married and having kids is horrible. Why would anyone want that for their lives. Huge mistake don’t do it ladies. Don’t do it. I’ve seen my mother and grandmother. I am so glad I have the freedom to never marry now

vanillaspice9 · 2021-05-27T10:56:51+00:00

I would have loved to have been married in my early 20s or even in my teens. This was around 2008 crash for me, so having the finances to get married, start a family buy a house or even rent was really tough. I only met one man at that age who was marriage minded who proposed to and married my friend at the time and he had a daughter from a previous relationship, he didn't marry the previous mother. I live in the UK and I saw an article that there's more women in their 30s pregnant than in their 20s. I didn't even go on my first date until 22 never mind marriage, I'm a late bloomer, very shy and inexperienced even now at 31. Hoping against all odds I'll make it ❤️

Mrahero · 2021-05-28T03:28:24+00:00

because there fat and ugly and can't find a man themselves

Dense-Experience1269 · 2021-05-31T21:35:02+00:00

Your much more fertile when your young and the chances of birth defects are much higher when older

Indis96 · 2021-05-22T22:02:23+00:00

im interested in knowin this too lmao

drkinferno72 · 2021-05-22T23:51:04+00:00

Competition

FaithInStrangers94 · 2021-05-23T02:30:24+00:00

Probably a mixture of projection in wanting to feel more vindicated in their decision not to, along with a genuine belief that they know what’s best for the younger women and that these women will thank them eventually... among with a martyr complex that women HAVE to rebel against the usual pathway.

Ironically empowerment would mean feeling free to have children whenever one pleases

evaneli13 · 2021-05-23T02:46:37+00:00

Careers comes first now. Women are now having babies later in life but at what cost?

Having risky pregnancies. Doing certain activities with your kids while you are in your mid 40s that you could have done in your late 20s and early 30s. Maybe getting 7 good years of being a grandparent before you die.

People think that kids are the end of everything in your life. It's not. You will regret having kids later in life.

TZ879 · 2021-05-23T06:06:58+00:00

Miserable people enjoy making others miserable. Misery loves company.

designstl · 2021-05-23T11:12:29+00:00

If I had it to do all over I would not have gotten married before I was 30 because I’m now 35 and divorced after 10 years because The reality is I was still kind of an immature kid as was my husband. Of course neither of us thought so at the time but it did nothing but hinder my ability to develop as an individual during those years that we were married. Not to mention I supported my husband financially while getting his degree and MBA. I had already graduated because I get my shit done on time and he took forever and I had a job. Then he walked Away after our divorce making six times the amount of money that I make despite the fact that we went into this as a team and I supported him through his degrees. People just need to get their shit together before they can even consider being with another person, I wish somebody would’ve told me this

designstl · 2021-05-23T11:27:23+00:00

I hate the term feminist to begin with. I’m a woman who considers myself confident and equal to everyone else. When you exert confidence you gain respect I have never been treated as less then my male counterparts. So this being a feminist issue doesn’t make any sense. A biological issue yes simply due to the fact that women only have a certain amount of time in which they are able to bear children. And no offense liberals, no one needs to feel like they are a victim everyone just live their lives and get on with it.

jayda92 · 2021-05-23T17:38:44+00:00

I had three long term relationships from the ages 16-27, and I'm nowhere near having kids now. This is the time to work on growth, on responsibilities and securing the future.

I used to be super red pilled and wanted babies more than anything, but seeing my friends in miserable marriages/relationships with kids involved, breaks my heart... You need time to let your hair down, discover who you are as your own being. That helps you make informed decisions for the future. Getting kids when you're a kid yourself is detrimental to growth, wealth, health and outlook. As a teacher I see this happening all the time.

Title	Why do so many liberal feminist women discourage so many under 30 women from getting married and having kids in their 20s ?
Author	Danielcraigboston1
Upvotes	20
Comments	408
Date	May 22, 2021 9:34 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/nisp7c/why_do_so_many_liberal_feminist_women_discourage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-so-many-liberal-feminist-women-discourage.755442 https://theredarchive.com/post/755442

Comments

When did facts become liberal propaganda?