Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered July 15 2020

thealamo369 · 2020-07-23T01:35:26+00:00

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babysoymilk · 2020-07-23T01:33:38+00:00

I was bothered by a scrote in the wild for the first time in a while today. I totally forgot how gross it feels. He came up to me, tried to start a conversation and I ignored him. So as I was walking away, he said "you're so ugly".

Men love to whine about women making it sooooo hard to be nice and to meet someone. Well, why would women talk to anyone when we have to expect to be insulted if we're not interested?

Literally every single man who has ever randomly approached me in the street was a creep. The one guy I gave the time of the day ended up begging me for photos of my fingernails.

MademoiselleVache · 2020-07-22T23:51:29+00:00

Hey, I (29F) just joined and wow I wish I had found this sub this time last year. <3

illusion_believe · 2020-07-22T22:05:43+00:00

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illusion_believe · 2020-07-22T20:31:40+00:00

Ladies! This is an amazing podcast from the guy who wrote women are from Venus and men are from mars.

He’s basically in line with FDS. He explains why women turn into a pickme when they like a guy, how to choose the right guy, why it’s easier for men to find the right woman, why men are becoming more and more feminine, porn addiction etc I’ll watch it again or read his books. I love him

Something surprised me tho. He said that a lot of women struggle in finding a man because they have the mindset of “ I don’t need a man. It would just be nice to have someone “. This has been my mindset since forever . He explains that you need to think that you would be happier with a guy. I see what he meant tho. In a sense it’s true. If you are already happy and find a hard catch that treats you like a queen, you will be even more happy. Just like when you make new amazing friends.

But it’s hard to teach this to women without activating their pickme mode. He talks about why it’s important to make men do things for you instead of you doing things for them. How some rich kids but also poor kids become drug addicts and lazy. Very interesting.

I don’t understand the hate we get when biology supports FDS.

https://youtu.be/DGcKh91O72Y

illusion_believe · 2020-07-22T18:28:24+00:00

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Rebirthed_Queen · 2020-07-22T16:49:43+00:00

Need a reminder about male entitlement? Visit r/niceguys. Be amazed.

Mayonegg420 · 2020-07-22T13:24:58+00:00

Whew chile. I’ll keep it short. As of today, my boyfriend hasn’t spoken to me in 7 days. Idk what’s wrong with him, idk what was the trigger, he says he’s fine, I’ve left the house and he hasn’t reached out. I’d just like to thank him. This is my perfect way out of a loveless, shitty relationship with a dude who doesn’t deserve my smart and sexy ass. Moving into a friends basement apartment next week, the excitement to reveal I’m leaving him is bubbling inside me and I can’t wait to see the look on his face. But lowkey, I don’t care, I might just write a letter and dip. I’m not telling my family (so they can talk me out of it) and my friends will be helping me move. I’m proud!

eng2fly · 2020-07-22T12:35:45+00:00

bless my boyfriend for actually reading “she comes first” and figuring out how to get me to orgasm. The man, now, without a doubt knows what he’s doing and is committed to my sexual pleasure 🙌

booboodoughnut · 2020-07-22T09:18:29+00:00

Hello ladies, Very new to this! Can I please get some help on my situation. I’m not thinking straight at all so I would love to have your points of view!

After reading the handbook and scrolling through this sub I have come to the realisation that I have MARRIED a LVM. What to do now?

So, I rushed into marriage with a man who did everything right before we got married and I had no idea about FDS- I have just come upon all this now when shit has hit the fan.

Now that we’re married he has completely changed. He is with friends in all his free hours- doing nothing- they sit and watch tv all night. Any time he spends at home is mostly on his phone or sleeping. There’s no time for me

I cook and clean, he has never offered help nor has he ever thanked me or acknowledged anything.

He doesn’t make a lot of money so I’ve been doing all the grocery shopping. He hasn’t given me a single thing since we got married. We don’t go out or do anything together. Before marriage we would regularly go out on dates and weekends away.

When I go away to friends, he doesn’t call or message. He has stopped putting an effort in to foreplay. He is very well mannered and all and there is no abuse as such. But there’s no appreciation, no acknowledgement

He just takes and takes and takes. I’ve told him I need more time and attention from him- he’s fine one day and then back to his old tricks. Yesterday, I was really hurt because he told me to call him on Snapchat and not on his phone line because then it will be busy for other important calls. I haven’t spoken to him since then.

I’m stuck! I just got married a few months ago. Shall I just up and leave? I would love too, but I can’t deal with his emotions right now and I’m not in a position to ghost because of the marriage

Rebirthed_Queen · 2020-07-21T18:41:38+00:00

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throwRAwhatisthis · 2020-07-21T15:09:31+00:00

Please help me. I know I always come on here and probably annoy you all, but I don’t know where else to go. I really think I’m losing my mind and it’s getting to the point where I can’t really function. I can’t get into therapy until Thursday, and I don’t want to bother friends with the same old shit.

I’ve been reading FDS for a while, finished “Why Does He Do That?”, and have been reading up on codependency. I also took the advice from my therapist to get away from my bf this weekend. I spent the weekend away to think and figure things out. The therapist suggested I get a hotel to get away from everyone. My dad was ridiculously kind and booked me a really nice hotel. I think he can tell I’m not doing so hot. of course I would never ask or even want my dad to do that for me, but it seems that he thought the therapist had a good idea.

I went back and talked with my bf and am so beyond mind-fucked now. If you read my post history, many suggest he is narcissistic and not good for me. But what if I’M the narcissist?

We went through topics that can be found on my history here. No he doesn’t know about this reddit. Basically his frustrations with me are that he feels I don’t put enough effort into making things fair. I’ve been really bad at cleaning up after myself throughout our relationship and there were lots of times I didn’t do something he asked for multiple times. He would ask me to move my work stuff outside or something like that. Yes I was leaving my stuff in his way.

He says I’m selfish because there are times I decide not to help him with something. Last week I said no to helping him to go on a walk instead. He says that only truly selfish people would say no to helping someone. He wanted to build shelves and needed my hand steadying things. Maybe I am a horrible person because I honestly feel annoyed with how much he asks for help. He seems to ask for a hand with something several times a week. The other day he asked for my help with something outside after I got home working in 100+ degree weather all day with no food. I had to explain to him that I’d need a few minutes at least and that I had barely walked in the door. That I needed to cool down. He said “I’m sorry, you’re right.” So he got it, but it had to be explained.

I know I’m using broad strokes here to explain, but it’s so hard to break down a whole relationship in a palatable size. The main thing is- I read about how codependents tend to take criticism personally to the point that any disagreement from someone else means that they are criticizing the codependent themselves. I feel that I can relate to this 100%. Basically we got into the discussion that our fights are so bad because I take his criticisms personally. Which I know is a flaw of mine. He says he only gets frustrated when I’m being stubborn and decide not to listen/argue when I feel he’s criticizing me. That’s when he says he “gets nasty.” Is it possibly my fault?

There are absolutely times he is hella nasty for no reason and I don’t think I should ever be spoken to like that. But these other times it’s always when he is upset about the topics above. It’s always about if I’m not helping him, or am being lazy/inconsiderate. He says that he doesn’t think I truly love him, that maybe I’m not capable.

Feel free to rip me a new one. If I truly deserve it I want to hear it. I know obviously I have selfish tendencies to work on, but when is it narcissism? I’m afraid all the reading I’ve been doing on it and seeing him as the narcissist, that I’m wrong and it’s been me the whole time.

And seriously I am so confused by codependency vs narcissism. They overlap so much that I don’t know where I fit or where he fits. I’d say we both have codependent tendencies based on my reading. Anybody know how to differentiate?

I also got away this weekend because of my anxiety/depression. I quit my anxiety meds a couple of months back and am trying to learn to just “be”. It’s been tough for sure. I’ve always struggled with it even knowing that my life is good. I know that I’m privileged and fortunate. But my brain suddenly sets itself on fire, all the time.

My bf thinks that I’m acting like a “spoiled white girl” and need to get my head out of my ass. He thought it was over-the-top that I stayed at a hotel this weekend. He thinks that we all have problems and the same exact anxiety and that I need to get a grip. He suggested that I actually post anonymously on reddit somewhere to talk about my anxiety. He said I should tell them that I’m an “educated, pretty white girl with a certain degree. My business has been going well in the first year and I’ve actually saved. I was able to buy a vehicle and equipment in my first year of business. Before that, I had a lease car paid for by my decently rich dad. I’ve been able to save because I’ve stayed with my bf for a year rent-free. I have been able to build a business much more easily due to the support of my bf (used to borrow his equipment when I first started, he wasn’t really using it and said I could). I have had opportunities many don’t get in a lifetime because I had the help of my bf and dad. Yes I have worked for what I have, but not without extra assistance. Reddit, how do I handle my anxiety and existential dread?” This is basically in a nutshell what he suggested I write.

Alright I’ve written way too much. I tried my best to condense it. Please though, I really truly am losing it. I don’t care how mean you are, I just need the truth. My brain is so muddled and exhausted. Thank you FDS. I truly appreciate you all.

throw2422 · 2020-07-21T14:59:57+00:00

I'm watching 90 fiance and my god my god, I am disgusted at how low value these scrotes are ??

Like Colt being so cheap, because he wants her to love him for "himself" ? Did he think she was attracted to the symmetry of his face and his cringy neckbread attitude?

smncat · 2020-07-21T13:48:45+00:00

After joining this sub I realized that I would always let me BF make me feel guilty for bringing up something about our relationship. Today we argued about dishes, and it was the first time I realized he kept using “facts” that were all about him. He never even acknowledged my issues but turned it around to make it about him. I am so happy to finally feel strong enough to not take this argument as a reverse guilt trip again!

HELP_MANBABIESGOTME · 2020-07-21T13:42:20+00:00

Yall are goddamn geniuses.

Iv been on 5 dates with a guy over about 6 weeks, all great. I was feeling very positive about it, hes not once tried to take me back to his place or made any weird degrading comments. Texts properly without games or being clingy. Wants kids, been saying things like "if I had a young kid right now in covid, I would...." and thinks deeply about it. Talks openly about his emotions so I dont think hes too stunted. Just been like night and day compared to the utter trash men in my local area.

I was so fucking tempted to delete tinder 3 weeks ago but I persevered.

I think it did trigger him because on our date last night he brought up exclusivity! Said he loves spending time with me, wants to take this seriously, etc. He took me to a vineyard and had made his own really impressive cheese and fruit platter to bring us since there's no food at this one. Who does that?! So sweet.

So anyway thanks yall. I'm still not going to describe him as HVM because I think that has to be earned over time..but i also dont think he's shown any big flags of being a LVM. I seriously thank this subreddit. Understanding what flags trash men put up really helped me to avoid them and understand their actions are actively manipulative. It also helped me to codify my self respect and treat myself better. I already didn't sleep with people but wow the change after I stopped accepting hang out dates and low effort shit was great. My dating experiance got way better after I started lurking here.

My plan is to wait for sex until at least my IUD gets put in next month. I dont think he will have a huge problem with this though he started showing some non creepy physical interest recently.

I of course still havnt figured out if hes a porn addict and other degenerate shit. We shall see i guess

chainsawbobcat · 2020-07-21T12:54:30+00:00

Hi ladies, I'm new here and almost through the handbook. Wow. I feel like I embody a lot of the FDS ideals and live my best Queen life- i literally just left my partner of 7 years (we have a 2 year old) because if the increasing and irrefutable evidence of LVM behavior. While he's a great father, he was a shite partner. Luckily because of how I handled the situation, I was about to leave with my head held high and amicably. But I cut it off the moment it was no longer serving me about 6 weeks ago and since then moved into my own apartment with my daughter and have it furnished and settled.

In the midst of all this I started talking to someone new who has serious HVM vibes. Not my style to jump into something so wicked but the timing was out of my control and we clicked. I kept my boundaries firm, although we did have sex by the third date almost a month in. Was well worth it and So far hes been very consistent. Our first date was literally one if the best dates I've ever been on, motorcycle ride lunch park walk nature, innocent kiss....second was very cute and cause but the third was a very fancy dinner where I got dressed up. He's used his truck to buy and bring me a kitchen table, is building me custom bookshelves, mounted my tv picked up my couch, among various other little things. He is one of the most emotionally intelligent men I've ever met, we connect on multiple levels and have had honest but appropriate conversations.

The "problem" is that he's a recovering alcoholic and is "dealing with" consequences from his alcoholic past - ie a 'crazy' ex girlfriend.... He told me he was in recovery our first conversation and ge waited to tell me about the ex until after we were dating a bit because he said he was nervous about my reaction. I'm confused by how to interpret these 'red flags' and hoping someone can help me out. I understand that dating an addict is a big No, but if someone has a solid recovery under their belt and is very open about it? And if they have skeletons in their closet but are actively working to resolve? All other accounts he is HVM. I'm keeping my heart closed best I can, but Ive also been out of the dating game for a while and definately navigating new territory dating in my 30s.

illusion_believe · 2020-07-21T06:11:05+00:00

Ladies, I need to vent and share an epiphany I had yesterday. I've been having feelings (let's say it frankly, I've been in love) with this guy for 4 years now. Let's call him Pablo. We met during my Pickmeisha days, during a party in a friend's house. I liked him as soon as my gaze crossed his, we began talking and the rest was history. We were in a relationship for a year. The thing is he was really lost and didn't know what to do with his life (just lost his father). So yeah, as the pickme I was, I basically nurtured him back to life, helped him building a life project for himself... And then he flew away across the world to live his life as he intended. I was heartbroken, literally needed months and months to find my will to live again.

Years have passed, I had cut contact with him which he respected, but I felt like I still have feelings for him. Not love but still something. One lonely night during quarantine, I wrote to him saying hi what's new. He was more than happy to hear from me. We quickly began talking again, admitting to each other we still have feelings for each other. But I've evolved much since we got to know each other.. And ladies, I fear I've been in love with an idealized version of a LVM.

Regardless of what he says, I can't help but find him dumb and dumber, missing each and every point everytime we talk or when he reacts to something I post on Instagram. Last night for instance, I posted something body-positivity related "big butts are cool. Small butts are cool" etc. You get the point. Well, this dumbass didn't have anything better to say than "small butts are not cool in my opinion". I mean really, you can't say anything more relevant? Omg.

I noticed as well that he tends to push on my insecurity buttons. I'm 30 and only trying to get my driving license because I've been REALLY scared in cars. When I told him I was actively working on getting my driving licence, he told me 1. He couldn't picture me driving anything 2.he couldn't wait to ride with me and make fun of me. Like what?! How is that a loving motherfucking response to my fears?!

Anyway. I'm not proud to have established contact again but I'm really happy I did. It allows me to see him as he really is, a golden LVM who definitely doesn't deserve my time attention or love.

HoneyBouquet · 2020-07-21T04:41:28+00:00

Just had to stop talking to a Lebanese guy (only one phonecall) off Muzmatch because:

🚨 He said his ex expected him to "wine and dine" her all the time.

🚨 He said the woman has to "fit in with his family"

🚨He dated his ex for 2 years, no ring and broke up.

🚨Still goes to shisha lounges every week and said that the social life was terrible in London. smokes shisha once a month.

He was actually very articulate and had a good job but nope 🏃‍♀️

Thanks FDS!!! ❤❤❤ Now I can spot red flags so much easier!!!

EvenSkanksSayThanks · 2020-07-21T00:43:15+00:00

I had dinner with my mom tonight and she told me about her friend who died at 78 not too long ago. Apparently the women had been having what she thought was an intense online and long distance relationship with this much young (57) man. She was so in love and felt a “true connection”. Well shortly before she died the department of justice contacted her about this man to let her know he had been scamming women all over the county for money. We don’t know how much money she gave him but she took out a large loan for “home improvements” that she never got. She died of a heart attack soon after learning she had been scammed. My mom swears she was a highly intelligent women and is so shocked this happened to her.

So heads up ladies- this can happen at any age! Never send a stranger money no matter how “connected” to him you feel

lasolterita · 2020-07-20T22:49:51+00:00

Someone crossposted from r/Feminism today. I'd never been to the sub so I joined, commented on one of their posts (something mild-mannered & universally agreeable among lib & rad fems regarding women's rights in Egypt), & instantly got permabanned. Do FDSers tend to get banned from there? I'm wondering if maybe it's because I used to be part of r/Gendercritical (RIP)? Bummed because some of their content looked promising :/

Edit: The crosspost was actually from r/Feminism to an anti-porn sub I'm in

JoanHollowayWannabe · 2020-07-20T21:19:33+00:00

You know you read FDS too much when you start referring to shit men as scrotes and your friend is like WTF is a scrote 😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅

Partyavoider29 · 2020-07-20T21:13:12+00:00

Okay. I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on how to remain strong and not abandon FDS principles because someone is unusually attractive (or thoughts on when there can be some flexibility!).

I matched with a really sweet man who may not be my type long term (I may not be his type long term) but I think we might really enjoy one another's company (that's the G rated version, we all know what I'm actually saying) and IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG TIME. It's clear we have chemistry in an albeit superficial way. I'm okay if he and I don't get married but...is it okay to be okay with that?

I would ultimately like a long term relationship, but I feel no urgency. I don't tend to get attached (which took YEARS of work) very easily. Of course I would take all necessary precautions and ask them same, I really do enjoy my interests and hobbies and frankly just myself but...he's beautiful and sweet. Idk. All I do is work on myself and sometimes I want a little break.

I would still "see" (as in, be prudent because there's a global health crisis) other people. I tend to be very strict with myself (I always have been, in every area of my life). I can also be really hard on myself so I guess I'm just wondering if maybe I should chill out? I can't tell.

**there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a fitness trainer (his career goal). I just think that long term I would become the primary earner as someone in tech, that's an absolute no.

** I'm a huge nerd and I'm worried we don't have a lot of overlapping intellectual interests which means the conversation is likely to dry up over time.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-20T17:28:08+00:00

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catsarepawsome · 2020-07-20T15:38:05+00:00

Just blocked an NVM on Facebook and IG. He is very influential in my field, and I was so flattered that he followed me in the first place and of course he slid into my DMs. He got increasingly flirty and sexual, but I mostly curved because 1) I have a boyfriend, 2) he's too old for me, and 3) there were way too many red flags to list here. Anyway, after telling him the sexual innuendo made my uncomfortable and he kept pressing on my boundaries, I stopped talking to him but kept following which I realize was a mistake. His posts are actually very useful and I'll admit, I kinda liked that he followed me and commented on my posts. We messaged briefly last night when he complimented me on an interview I did. Anyway, I just saw his Facebook and realized that 3 days ago, he posted a pic of a hot Asian woman (I'm also Asian... As are at least 2 of his exes), captioning it "when your date looks like this, you better keep up." 🤮 it's sad that it took me so long to block him, but I hope I can get over him quickly and not backslide.

CherubBaby1020 · 2020-07-20T13:50:44+00:00

I LOVE FDS. Nothing to add really but my GOODNESS. I took over a year long hiatus from dating (minus two times where I went on a date but I would freak out and get stressed) and I spent the time investing in myself and began researching about healthy relationships, dating, and figuring out what I was really looking for. I found FDS about 6 months ago and it's life changing, revolutionary (but also classic and old school?)

I decided I was ready to dip my toes into the dating pool again and loaded up Hinge the last week of June. I started swiping on ppl and realized I should not. Let them swipe, and pick of the guys that are interested. I never start a conversation. I have a ton of matches and I just let them sit there, not gonna make a move? Fine by me!

First date I went on, I made the mistake of doing a park and wine date. I have a new puppy and I just couldn't leave her. But IT WAS A MISTAKE. I also let him come over to my place the second time we "hung out" and again. MISTAKE. I cut things off. And realized that I had to be strict. Follow FDS to the letter. It's unforgiving but it's unforgiving for a REASON.

Man must pursue at all points (reaching out, making plans,etc)
Dinner date is the only acceptable first date
GRADUAL physical intimacy (hug after first date, hug and he kissed me on cheek second date, etc)
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Don't spill your guts to someone you just met. (I'm a compulsive oversharer)

I feel so much better about dating. I know what I am looking for and I'm not willing to let it go or let any of it slide just to rush into something with someone. I'm calm. I'm clear-headed. I'm starting to date because I know it's going to take a long while to find someone who can achieve my standards and so I'm starting the journey.

THANK YOU FDS. Seriously, I try to get my friends into it but I've gotten into massive fights with a few of them on it... whatever. They will come around in time when they see the fruits of my labor :)

Mimieuxmieux · 2020-07-20T10:55:52+00:00

Hey ladies, I just need some emotional support. Sorry in advance as this will be a long comment. I haven't dated for the last few years due to working on my career, having a history of bad relationships, etc. It has been really good because I have been able to reflect on my patterns. I am not planning to date anyone (even casually as I am interested in a serious relationship) as I am planning to move at the end of the year and I don't want any ties to my current location.

Anyway long story short, an old friend (one of my best friends) who I stopped talking to for complicated reasons reached out to me. I was so excited when he added me again. I actually cried because I had been missing him so much. Anyway I wouldn't have been able to see him until the end of the year anyway because of COVID. But he asked me to think about how I felt about him and I realised I was having romantic feelings towards him. Basically he freaked out and said he wasn't looking for anything serious. I'm like okay, let's just keep talking then as friends. A few days later he says he actually feels the same way. But I still have it in the back of my mind that he does not want anything serious so I kept trying to be cautious and not stupid. But we were really close a few years ago and I always really liked him as a person and cared about him. I have never really dated anyone who I got along with so well so I had some hope & excitement.

Anyway we kept talking sooo much. But he made a mildly sexual joke and I asked him to not make it sexual so it's not weird. He then said that he must have misunderstood where he stands with me and that weird doesn't make him think of "romantic feelings" (which I told him I am having for him). So I said, well, you literally told me you are not looking for anything so what am I supposed to think if he gets sexual with me?

Anyway we had a phone call tonight to clarify WTF is happening and he said that his initial message to me - asking to think about whether I am interested in him as a friend or something more - literally he just meant AS GOOD FRIENDS. And that he doesn't want anything serious at the moment because the timing is bad and if we dated it would probably be serious.

IDK, I told him I don't want to talk with him anymore at all because I will just be getting my hopes up. I want and deserve somebody who is actually excited to be with me and want to be serious with me in the future. But I am just so upset. We got along so well. I just need some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and that I deserve better. I'm not even going to edit this because I need to go to bed. Thanks for reading if anybody actually reads this

smallishtree · 2020-07-20T04:05:31+00:00

Ladies!! I have struggled with mental health in the past (victim of abuse as a child and sexual abuse, suicidal and depressed in high school, anxiety...) but have spent the last seven years working sooo hard on myself and BLESS am an independent, healthy, proactive person! I’m really proud of the woman I’ve become and understand everyone has their “shit.” However, as someone who grew up normalizing dysfunction...How does a HVM show he takes care of himself if he has his own mental health struggles?

A guy friend of mine who I think has HV potential struggles with depression, but he is resistant to therapy and goes hot and cold with taking meds and insists he has good days and bad days but he feels it’s all manageable. I won’t see him as anything more than a friend while he maintains this view, but it had me thinking about how a HVM behaves and addresses mental health? Thoughts?

smallishtree · 2020-07-19T21:28:07+00:00

I've always had shit self esteem and thought I'd die alone. I'm a high functioning autistic woman so guys always tossed me aside because I was always so (unkowingly) blunt about their shitty behaviors. Now the more I read the sub's top posts the more hope I get. So glad I found this sub. I went to bed at 1am last night reading the handbook lmao

My question is... how do I become a HVW when I'm neurodivergent? This makes it kinda difficult to have a rich social life and independence. I can still hold jobs and stick to them (COVID got me fired from a 5-year job) so financial smarts aren't a problem for me. For reference, I'm 30 years old.

thanks so much for creating this sub in the first place btw

Loruulu · 2020-07-19T21:12:45+00:00

Hello, been a lurker for awhile and finally got the courage to post. I’m very hurt by a situation that still plagues me. I had a long distance relationship with a former co-worker over a year ago who used me after my mother died. He’s 10 years older than me and promised me so much only for me to find out he was a liar and hid a second marriage, domestic abuse who knows what else.

I’m not a saint, and my reaction has been less than stable. I only found out these things after I was going to move to be with him. I decided to do a background check and hire a PI. I reached out to the second ex wife and she alluded to a lot of negatives. He broke up with me after this and even though he promised to pay me back, has gone into hiding and refuses contact. I have reached out to his family and friends about his behavior and the debt owed. He did a lot of horrible things to my character at our place of employment and to those in his immediate circle. I’ve consulted with an attorney and since have gone back into therapy. This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt and truly am afraid of dating.

I’m currently still trying to build a case but I really feel like I’m in a nightmare. What’s wild is the second ex who volunteered to speak to me ended up turning against me after speaking to him and has slandered me. This man would emotionally abuse me, even put makeup on my picture and told me to do better!

I’m wondering if anyone here has gone through a similar situation and how you healed?

the-cool-hedgehog · 2020-07-19T17:37:35+00:00

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Unusual-Biscotti · 2020-07-19T15:01:11+00:00

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2020-07-19T05:38:07+00:00

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Milobear27 · 2020-07-18T23:59:02+00:00

I met that guy months ago and we texted for a long time. Everything was nice. When we finally met, it was fun. We started seeing each other and we were getting along great. Then...? He became distant because according to him he was afraid of the intensity of his feelings for me.

I’ve noticed that he was saying and doing the exact same things as my most LVM ex. They don’t know each other but... same behaviors. How can they even have the same thoughts?? Like the same artists? Have the same hobbies and same passions and hate the same things?

Anyway I got completely turned off when we went for a walk on the beach last week and at some point he just started walking ahead of me. Not talking to me. Just walking while I was behind. Also, walking as if I were making him walk and not as if he was there willingly.

I had a flashback. Same thing happened last year with my ex. We were walking in a forest and he did the same thing. Walking ahead as if I had forced him to come with me.

That was the last straw. I blocked the guy. Yikes.

2020-07-18T15:42:42+00:00

Coming across relationship posts on reddit makes me realize how much time a lot of pickmeishas spend trying to teach common sense to grown ass guys...

AppropriateHoney6 · 2020-07-18T03:35:26+00:00

Went on a low key brunch date with an old friend. She was telling me about her partner and I was surprised! She complained about his lack of initiative in cleaning and cooking and his sass when she would ask him to to do something around the house. However followed it up with “he treats me like a queen! For example, he always brings me water and he has a job”. Okay girl. I mean maybe my standards are high, but I always considered that a given , I wouldn’t even consider a guy without basic etiquette and who didn’t work.

MakeURegret · 2020-07-18T03:23:14+00:00

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oddcharm · 2020-07-18T00:01:10+00:00

[deleted]

AppropriateHoney6 · 2020-07-17T19:54:35+00:00

[deleted]

vocabularylover · 2020-07-17T17:06:28+00:00

Hi ladies,

Have a quick question regarding dates. It’s my understanding that in the beginning, the man should always be the one reaching out to see me again and planning a date. The guy I’ve been seeing for about two months has always taken the initiative and I have let him. However, he asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks ago and is still the one initiating any time we spend together in person. I also never text first.

Should I express interest in wanting to see him first or should I continue letting him be the one reach out to me? I’m always very warm and receptive when he asks me out, when we spend time together, and when we text back and forth sometimes. I’m hoping this is enough for him to know I’m obviously interested and not get discouraged. I like letting him ask me out every time because it shows me his interest and dedication. However, now that we’re technically in a relationship, should I take the initiative sometimes or should I continue doing what I’m doing?

Thoughts?

CulinaryCookieKat · 2020-07-17T16:39:10+00:00

I’m a high schooler seeking advice. I’m really glad I found FDS as early in my life as I did. I’m in high school and I used to be a pickme. Thanks to FDS, I know better now. Is there any advice a high schooler should follow for dating? For example, is there an age when men can possibly become high value? Can low value boys become HVM? What’s normal for a high schooler?

HoneyBouquet · 2020-07-17T13:36:12+00:00

Hi sisters ❤

I was just wondering if one of my old college friends is a pickme and if her boyfriend is stringing her along?

She ia Afghan and super pretty.She has just finished her teaching training to become a science teacher. She is 24. She met her boyfriend (25). He is below average looking but tall (5ft10). He works at a highly prestigious firm as an analyst and has a apartment in the city. They met on Tinder.

🚨They celebrated their one year anniversary on V day. When I asked her about her plans on marrying she says it is far "too soon".

🚨He is from Morroco and his parents live back in Marrakesh. He has never told his parents about her.

🚨He has told her he has never had a serious relationship because of travelling to university in another country.

🚨 Said he has no social media but is on Facebook and hasnt added my friend.

🚨Told her that 1/3 of their relationship is spent arguing and he complained.

🚨She just talks about how "nice" he is. She does not refer to his looks at all.

🚨She has told me he is a virgin and only lets him "make out with clothes on." But he was on Tinder?

🚨Has literally roasted her in front of his best friend. Best friend found it uncomfortable.

🚨Had a close female Morrocan friend who asked him to attend a flat viewing for her. My friend told him to stop talking to said friend.

🚨Has told her he would not think about marriage until the 2 year mark.

However he is very attentive and calls her every day. For her birthday he booked a fancy dinner and got her some very expensive jewellery. He takes her out to afternoon tea and other events but she does book a lot of them herself. He does not drive a car and my friend always travels to go see him.

Ok-Wafer-4230 · 2020-07-17T12:41:12+00:00

I've been thinking of dating again. Mainly out of boredom. Are there any websites that limit how many messages you can get? Like you can only get 10 messages a day and your inbox is closed after that? I'm not even hot lol but POF freaked me out. Check inbox and refresh and 30 new messages pour in, I just deleted it immediately.

druggyuncle · 2020-07-17T09:34:17+00:00

Recovering pickmeisha warning

I’ve been dating a guy, and (after reading FDS without posting for the past 3 months) I have worked out that he is HVM. But the problem is that he doesn’t see me as worthy, and I agree with that because my mental issues and anxious-dependent behaviour have caused me to act in a very strange and poor way (take this as a fact since it would take too long to get into details) — pickmeisha to the extreme, especially during the pandemic lockdown including seeing other guys whilst giving him the impression we were exclusive. There’s also a girl he’s more interested in that he talks to a ton (I’m friends with her). I was wondering if it’s too pickmeisha to keep seeing him and trying to redeem myself. He already sees me with contempt and guards me from all of his friends because they are aware of all our drama but he said he will “give it a chance even if it probably won’t work”.

I understand this post will incite a large amount of judgment but to be clear this happened 3 months ago and I am working on changing my ways.

My question is, should I break it off with him/slowly detach myself, or spend about 2 months with him and trying to change how he views me? It’s currently extremely lukewarm. Or even cold.

May-rah10 · 2020-07-17T06:05:42+00:00

This week, I blocked 2 LVM that I was casually chatting with. I was starting to think that one of them had some potential until he ghosted me and since it’s been 24 hours, I blocked him! I’m feeling great! 😎I know that I don’t deserve to be ghosted and I’m so glad that this community opened my eyes to so many things that I used to ignore. Onto the next....

pumpkin-escobarrr · 2020-07-17T01:35:36+00:00

I've lost around 20kgs since January and have taken care of my appearance and really got into health and fitness to have a better quality of life. It's paid off and i want to say i definitely had a glow up. Men have started to notice on social media and in real life a lot more than before and it makes me so incredibly uncomfortable, although ignoring them really does feel good where as before i looked to men for validation.

A childhood friend has recently come back into my life. He is in the army and was based in a different city. In the past when he was back in our city briefly, we would catch up like like regular old friends. This time, while i went no contact with an emotionally unavailable LVM and was struggling, this childhood friend was transferred back to the base in our hometown and reached out.

It began with him texting to see how i was doing. He has no social media and asked for a picture after i mentioned i lost weight. After he saw the recent photo of me, his communication towards me changed from being platonic to romantic. Since he's been back, we've been on a couple of dates where he has paid for everything including expensive restaurants. He always organises something just to see me (which was something i had to get used to again because the LVM before him never made any plans other than wanting me to go to his apartment). I recently moved house and he was so insistent on offering to help and tbh he was of great use. He's expressed countless times that he has feelings for me.

I just can't shake the feeling of him showing affection now only because i lost weight and because he likes what he sees. I don't know if i have feelings for him yet, he's in the army and he will be transferred to a different city by the end of the year so it's pointless and i probably will tell him i'm not looking to pursue anything further. This may be a part of my next stage of levelling up, but i've started vetting hard to see if men who come into my life are only attracted to what they see or if they genuinely like me as a person.

He's been deployed to a city down south for 6 weeks to assist with the second outbreak of COVID in that state so i have a few weeks to really be by myself and think things through with no distractions. I genuinely enjoyed his company and i don't know if he's HVM but damn it felt good to be treated like a queen compared to the LVM who had no respect for me. I'm starting counselling next week to go through self esteem issues after struggling to get over the LVM, and really look forward to the next stage of being a better version of me and loving my own company!

troubleseemstofollow · 2020-07-16T22:14:39+00:00

Just need to vent.

I told the guy that I've been seeing that I was just offered a promotion at work but that I wasn't sure if I was going to take it because it's a lot of responsibility that I don't think I'm ready for. He went off and told me how my viewpoint is insensitive (especially in today's climate) and that if he were in my position, he would be thrilled - and that I should be thrilled given that there are still so many unemployed people out there. Including him - he was let go from his job in April and hasn't found a new job yet.

I know I'm not crazy for not chomping at the bit at this new position. I don't think I was being insensitive about talking to him about it. You're supposed to celebrate the highs and help each other out of the lows, right? I hate that he's telling me how I should and shouldn't feel - because that's him telling me that my actual feelings are invalid.

littlestarling123 · 2020-07-16T20:30:42+00:00

What I thought was a HVM and was hanging out with about once a week or so has started I think ghosting me? On our last date (Tuesday) he asked me to send him my availability when i knew it for the rest of the week. I did yesterday morning and have not heard back and I am super disappointed. I really liked him but I guess I chose wrong.....again.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-07-16T18:57:01+00:00

I rationally know 10000000% that I am better off with my shitty NVM ex, but my phone keeps doing those photo reminders "3 years ago today..." and I keep getting flooded with nostalgia, memories, and it's just a lot of feelings right now. I rationally know he is a complete POS and know I am a million times better after finding FDS because a marriage with him would be SO SHITTY, however, I am also human and am still learning to undo my old ways. He called me a few weeks ago because a cat we used to share got loose and their microchip information to locate was in his name but I didn't realize this until the cat was lost because that's something you typically don't remember to do during a massive breakup. Thankfully the kitty was found safe and sound, but it did sting to hear him attempt to seek emotional support from me as if he did NOTHING wrong then attempt to give me a halfass apology for "wasting my time" for years. It was not my finest moment, but I told him that "if the apology is to make yourself feel better for wasting my time and does not change the fact that you did waste my time, is it really an apology then?" Then I told him that the purpose of the apology is in the hands of the person receiving the apology and I am choosing not to accept it because I find it hard to believe that he "didn't mean to waste my time" after choosing to live with me for YEARS rent free, propose to me, drag out the engagement for almost 2+ years and then proceed to not marry me. I calmly asked who he was dating because it's interesting that he "didn't mean to waste my time" then magically realized he was "wasting my time" so it's pretty obvious he found MaGiC dReAmGiRl NOW SINGLE and it gave him enough NVM ammo to spin the narrative that "we grew apart" and "he didn't deserve me" to trickle truth his way into doing the most excruciatingly slow breakup process to separate our lives while dReAmGiRl was freshly healing from her recent breakup for him to slither his way in. He confirmed it was this "friend" he had from highschool so I laughed a lot and he got defensive saying "It's not like that at all....WE invited you to hang out with us when we were still together!" I just laughed again. I told him "I know you will find what you are looking for" and I told him that this experience has taught me a lot of valuable life lessons, including that I will NEVER be fully myself or become best friends with my future spouse now. He told me that he hoped that wasn't the case because I am a "great person" and "he loved that we were best friends when we were in a good place." I told him that I realize that men do not want to marry their best friends, they want to marry a WIFE so I am grateful to have learned this now because the only way I can be fully my truest self is in the presence of my female BFFs and my therapist. I didn't mean to give this shithead any ammo or closure, but it was so hard not to spew angry word vomit either. UGH.

euphemiarose · 2020-07-16T17:32:53+00:00

I’ve been working on leveling up from my old pick meisha ways and have a major friendship issue I’m dealing with rn. Like, my only friend treats me like shit, backstabbed me by sharing my secrets with everyone, and puts me down to make herself feel better because she has major issues with herself that make her feel inferior. I don’t talk to her very often anymore thank god, but whenever I do I quickly revert back to pick meisha tendencies friend-wise. Our friendship dynamic used to be me never standing up for myself whenever she throws shade (which is quite frequently). Worse is that I’m a bridesmaid in her wedding rn and so I can’t drop her. She’s done literally horrendous stuff to me in the past...do I start throwing shade back about that? Do I call her out about backstabbing me and spreading my secrets? Should I even drop her if she’s my only close friend rn, regardless of the amount of anxiety it gives me?

Also since this is a dating subreddit primarily are there any other ones other than FemaleLevelUpStrategy that may help me with more friendship and self esteem related issues?

flimm_ · 2020-07-16T16:21:56+00:00

Fucking red pill clowns. I hate finding out you are talking to one after you meet someone who seems otherwise cool. I met a guy in my philosophy group who seemed like he'd be a cool friend. The he starts talking about how he wants to find a girl who hasn't been with TOO MANY MEN as it will reduce her ability to bond with his ass (dude is in his mid fucking fifties lmfao). THen, not shockingly, he asks if I'm talking to anyone else in the group we are in, possessive as hell as well, I see. These fucking men. Over fifty and still never learn thinking they can believe everything they hear on a damn podcast foh.

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-07-16T14:57:33+00:00

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bootyandthebeet · 2020-07-16T14:09:48+00:00

Is it a bad idea to break NC to ask if my LVM-ex remembered to take the cat to the vet this month for her shot?

During our relationship I was always the one worrying about her health and we fought all the time about him failing to clean the litter tray constantly. We took turns and he even lied to me once that it was my turn and made me clean it, after which I cried about having my trust betrayed and he laughed like it was a joke (then I made him clean it three times extra but whatever).

I have hope that after the break up he stepped up about the cleaning without having a “woman” around to take care of everything. Although he has a new gf anyway so maybe she’s taking care of the cat? Or he’s trying to impress her by being clean? I’m pretty sure she’s basically living there but unsure about their dynamic.

I really loved the cat and miss her greatly, I am having to mourn the loss of not just the relationship but also a beautiful cat that I helped to raise 😔 I just want to know he’s taking care of her :(

BetterToBeLonely · 2020-07-16T13:56:34+00:00

Having to spend another year or more living with my husband and having to pretend everything is fine and cringe through sex with him is destroying my soul. My escape plan is solid, but with covid fucking up the school and daycare situation, I am 100% trapped. There is no possible way to move up my timeline and I am feeling hopeless. It would be tolerable if there was some way to feel like I was slowly moving forward, but that can't happen untilFall when at least my classes start so I can feel productive. I am stuck out on a friggin farm with no outlets or distractions. No jobs to apply for. And my LVM in my face all day. Indefinitely. I have run out of productive tasks I can do from home. There are only so many hours one can spend studying or at the gym.

Deep-Blackberry · 2020-07-16T09:32:23+00:00

Question. What do you all think of someone who hasn't been in a relationship ever? Say, he's early 30s. Is it considered a red flag?

throwaway93731 · 2020-07-16T08:00:37+00:00

This might just be me, but I thought I’d post here to see if anyone else could relate.

When things end with a guy, does anyone else get especially triggered when reflecting on the time(s) you introduced him to your friends?

I dated a guy briefly earlier this year and when I reflect back on it, the memory that hurts me the most/the one I miss the most is the time I introduced him to my friends. All of my friends liked him and we had a great ass time together that weekend. Even though we only dated briefly and didn’t have very many memories together, reflecting on that weekend always hits me the hardest.

Same thing happened to me a few years back—I briefly dated a guy, and I had a lot of trouble getting over him. One of the memories that stood out to me the most/that I missed the most was when I took him to meet my coworkers (my only friends at the time) at a barbecue one of them threw. I couldn’t get over that specific memory for awhile.

I’m not sure why this is... maybe because I’ve literally been in situationships and FWBs my whole life, so the introduction to friends was the closest thing I had to a real relationship? As a recovering Pickmeisha, anything resembling a real relationship as opposed to a situationship/FWB is honestly foreign territory to me, so maybe that’s why I get so sad when I reflect on these moments...?

If anyone has any insight or ways to get over these types of memories, that’d be great.

ChristmasPriestess · 2020-07-16T04:45:18+00:00

Hi gals!

Wondering if any of you have come across Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell? Shes a psychologist and a huge advocate for healthy relationships and dating. She didn't get married until she was 42 and even broke off an engagement to a great man in her 30s because she didn't want to settle. Shes on instagram and has a podcast called Love & Life. She also has a book called "Single is the new Black. Don't wear white until its Right".

Shes amazing!!!! Shes inspiring, has great advice, is so sweet and is very active on social media. She always replies to comments and answers questions from readers/viewers in her videos. I just ordered her book and I listen to her podcast. I def recommend her! Here is her website: https://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: Dr. Karin.

Check her out!!! She has 27 years of dating experience and she gets it.

_insert_username_1_ · 2020-07-16T04:20:02+00:00

I’m good. I have 2 more weeks of my online summer class before I’m done. As of this evening, I’m currently writing my Final Paper. I’ve chosen to enroll in online classes my Freshman Year rather than attend in-person due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Last week, I developed a budget. Because of this, I was able to buy a FitBit for myself today. (It will be delivered in 2 days!) I’ve been exercising routinely every day. (45 min. of Cardio + 45 min. of Exercises/Weights) I hired a professional photographer to take my Graduation Photos this Sunday. I also posted “My Experiences with Religious Men” onto r/FemaleDatingStrategy earlier this morning if y’all ladies would like to read it. :)

night_glitter · 2020-07-16T04:13:38+00:00

KickHimOut2020 checkin-in, my first!

We have been moving things into his new apt this week. (I have been helping pack due to not wanting others in my house, due to living in a covid hotspot.) Tonight he texted me to let me to let me know that he was planning to work late and staying “there,” and he added that I might get some of his stuff delivered to my place that he ordered before he knew his apt number. Mine. This is my first night without him here this year. Got my new bedding yesterday. Feelin’ it tonight, queens.

throwRAwhatisthis · 2020-07-16T03:47:45+00:00

Y’all help me!! I’m for real losing it. I seriously think I’m in a bad spot that isn’t good for me mentally but I can’t handle it myself.

I’ve posted here about my bf multiple times and still haven’t broken it off. It’s just impossible. I love him and can’t bear being without him. But I’m worried he might be bad for me, but “what if I’m wrong and IM the crazy one?!”

We’ve agreed for me to start paying rent and he will start cleaning again instead of me just cleaning it all and him paying bills. All I want is peace between us. But he still FEELS I owe him and should be still doing all the cleaning.

I got annoyed because he put dirty sheets back on the bed after I told him where clean ones were. He said I should have already had clean ones on the bed since he paid for everything for a year.

I agreed on paying rent because I don’t want things to be unfair and I want peace between us. But it seems no matter what I do, it’s going to be the wrong thing. He didn’t want me paying before and to “save money.” I had offered before. It made him annoyed if I ever offered to pay.

Now he wants me to contribute. Which is fine. I would have been fine with that a long time ago. But it’s still not enough.

It makes me think that he is always going to have contempt one way or another. It also makes me think he’s seriously manipulative and I can’t grasp how.

There’s other things I can say about him but I just feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m having a hard time functioning normally. I don’t really eat much nowadays, I have a hard time getting to work or working, I feel bristly and on the edge of crying if touched the wrong way. Nothing really brings me joy anymore.

But I feel I won’t have ANY joy if I leave him. Idk what to do.

WWisMyCo-pilot · 2020-07-16T03:31:05+00:00

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endorphins_ · 2020-07-16T02:16:31+00:00

So Armie Hammer is getting a divorce and these DMs with him and a fan leaked on twitter while he was still with his wife...the absolute nerve: https://twitter.com/v0guedakota/status/1283445422250500097

delishtis · 2020-07-16T01:06:19+00:00

I've commented about this before. Even made a post and then promptly deleted it because I was embarrassed to admit that I was finally at that place.

But after 8 months, I've finally started to detox out of a "situationship" with a NVM. He had everything I wanted on the surface: very handsome, incredibly educated with an ivy league phd/post-doc, great dresser, amazing apartment, wonderful job, cultured ... but he had to be one of the meanest, most emotionally unavailable men I've ever met.

Obviously I found FDS months ago but took a really long time to absorb and understand what I needed to do and then also to try and find the strength. It's tough when you have to start to reconcile your idea of the person/fantasy of them with the reality of what you have in front of you.

So much of FDS is about empowering yourself. And when you're stuck in a toxic place, it can be so hard to take those first steps, or any steps at all, because you'd rather be stuck in the cycle of emotional abuse and manipulation than alone, or so your brain tells you.

I'm sad because I found FDS months ago and still, he was the one to leave me. I reached back and did everything I shouldn't have done, knowing it would not be good for me. Of course he ignored me. My sense of self is at an all time low.

All this being said, I know I'm in here somewhere. And once I come out of this sadness, not date for like, at least 1-2 full years and turn my full, unfiltered attention on myself instead of using men as a way to distract from me and the potential of my own life, that I'll be much happier and feel so much more stable and secure in myself. A great feeling concept when you feel so unstable and sad and like everything is/will be impossible forever.

Never again will I make a man the EVERYTHING of my universe just because I feel they have credentials, success etc. that automatically makes them HV when that's obviously not the case. I'm the only one who belongs in the very middle of it, who is deserving of my own worship and pedestal. And I'm scared, anxious and tired but also I know that I'll never let this happen to me again and that's the biggest most beautiful thing I think can come out of finally getting to a point where you realize you need to change how you view yourself and your self worth.

So, I don't know why I started saying this. I guess so that I can hopefully look back on this comment in a year and laugh and cry and be happy in retrospect that I was finally forced to move forward in my life, to make the changes I needed to make and to know, and implement (build, build, build!), the reality of a life that I'm proud of that needs literally no one else in it but me and my love for myself.

librasunsalutation · 2020-07-16T00:22:00+00:00

Has anyone read any of the Stephan Speaks books? Would love to hear recommendations and thoughts before committing to a purchase!

afrodeasyak · 2020-07-15T23:53:57+00:00

My super traditional mother who places the value of a woman on how early she gets married, is showing improvement about the fact that I'm single, unmarried and approaching 30. She changed her rant from "why are you still unmarried 😩" to "you deserve to find someone who respects your career, lifestyle and is supportive..now find him quickly 😒".

This is quite funny to me. The change comes from my quick responses to her over the years, whenever she is triggered by a friend or relative's daughter getting married and worse...her own siblings questioning her on "what's wrong with your kid?!". Because being single is the scariest thing out there.

I beg to differ. There's nothing scarier than having to deal with a failed marriage for 40 years because divorce was culturally frowned upon. I'd rather have peace and quiet than a constant migraine of a partner.

birthdaybutt · 2020-07-15T23:03:21+00:00

I haaaate dating. I met a guy I really liked, went on a few dates, and he’s currently out the country for 2 months. The first few weeks he was gone we talked really regularly. He would call or text me to check in. Then the texts and calls completely dropped off the last week and a half. I see that he’s posted a bunch of pictures on Facebook and has updated his dating profile, so I’m taking that to mean he’s obviously not interested anymore. Idk what I did wrong - was I too unavailable? Not available enough? Is it just a fizzle because of the distance? Whatever it was - my stupid feelings are hurt.

He’ll be back in a week or so. Should I text him as a last ditch effort or just see if he contacts me when hes back?

Update: did not text. Instead I deleted, unmatched, and unfollowed. Thank u, next 💅🏽

Callie-jay · 2020-07-15T22:05:50+00:00

I had never realised how important texting is to me. I went on my first date in a while and the date itself was great, he was gentlemanly, chatty and took me to a nice place - but this guy will not text me for 3 days (I won't message first) and then pop up like 'How's it going?' with ensuing dry ass slow replying conversation.

Also he still hasn't paid me one single compliment yet wants to meet again.

I've already mentally checked out because a guy will let you know if you're a priority but the fact that I haven't blocked him already is a combination of laziness to go on more first dates, boredom and perhaps my ego waiting for him to come to his senses and realise how bomb I am (jk). I hate it.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-15T21:25:16+00:00

I’ve been following this sub for a good couple of months now, only started actually posting recently. My question for you amazing ladies: Do you guys believe in true love? Or is a relationship/partnership more of a convenience/security for you than anything else?

Are we supposed to “play games” forever or after a certain point is it ok to finally open up and be ourselves?

PS: No judgement here, just genuinely curious.

Milobear27 · 2020-07-15T20:33:19+00:00

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NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-07-15T20:25:11+00:00

I've decided to stop trying to date for a while. I went on several first dates, a couple second dates, and one third date. And I just can't feel excited about any of this right now. I'll try again after my Denver trip (if that happens), otherwise maybe I'll try to start dating in September or October.

DunRuther · 2020-07-15T19:57:51+00:00

What should we do when someone sends us a message on reddit asking for advice, and says they are a woman/from FDS? I looked at their profile and they only had a few posts, one of them was to a dating subreddit and it implied they are a woman, but anyone can make a fake post. I just ignored it, and then changed my settings to not accept chats and messages unless they’re from mods/trusted users that I designate. I feel bad if she really is someone in need, but something told me that it might have been a guy pretending to be a woman. Also, if she really does need advice, she would be better suited posting to the subreddit and getting a wide variety of answers, not just my opinion.

Tell-Me-Whyy · 2020-07-15T19:36:12+00:00

I will be going to uni this year for 5 years (until I'm 24). I was wondering whether there's any point entertaining the idea of dating or relationships while there? Like hypothetically would HVM be looking for a proper relationship with the intention of marriage at this age or will they hold off until they are of an age where they have a career and can get married etc? Or will all boys looking for relationships at this age be inexperienced, or just wanting sex or casual meaningless relationships (ie LVM or NVM in terms of a relationship?) So I could just write them all off without trying and stick to being single for the duration of uni? If anyone can offer some advice it would be greatly appreciated

throwaway23004345 · 2020-07-15T19:33:40+00:00

I finally convinced my friend to divorce her narcissistic abusive husband!!

WWisMyCo-pilot · 2020-07-15T19:26:52+00:00

Signed up for Medical Assistant school at community college. Classes start in one month. So excited for another fresh start. Project Freedom 2021 has begun!

fernprincess · 2020-07-15T19:17:17+00:00

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redbirdflies · 2020-07-15T19:06:23+00:00

Anyone else here realize that one, or both of their parents were narcissists later on in life (late 20s and above) and it made it easier to piece together all of the toxicity in your adult relationships?

Please share

loveavocados · 2020-07-15T19:05:57+00:00

I've taken to writing instead of talking the same points to my boyfriend. This sub has made me understand that I shouldn't have to keep communicating to be heard. I want to remind myself a year from now about this entry:

"When he is ready to move this year, he will probably ask me again if he should consider me in his search.

Every talk regarding moving in with each other has not gone well, so I doubt another will be any different. All of my compromises were shutdown and he flipped on his idea that me staying over more often would be a good preview. In fact, he recently said it does not count. To him, actually living together is the only way he will be comfortable proposing. He effectively wants a test run.

Personally, I think it's an audacious ask given his history. He lived with his ex for at least 10 years. He admitted that she thought they were going to get married and he never told her no. He allowed her to continue to think they had a future knowing full well they did not. He has told me that this is something that he never wants to do again, but his words are not enough for me. I refuse to be "tested" by a serial breadcrumber playing for time. Remember, he was perfectly okay telling me that he would want to start having kids with me once my IUD needed replacement. I would be 32 and I am 29 now. Of course him saying that would make me think he is serious about marrying me soon.

FOOL! See how he gave me a very clear timeline for kids, but cannot do the same with an engagement? That is a breadcrumb. Even for him, marriage comes before kids.

Without the proposal, moving in with him would cause me a lot of anxiety and resentment. I deserve a sense of security. He should want to give me that much at minimum.

When he moves into a new place, he has one year to the day to propose. I cannot continue to be with a man that is not excited at the prospect of marrying me. I refuse to be treated as a convenience or a placeholder for his dream girl. Love is nothing without action.

Redirect your energy and time towards yourself and good friends.

Sincerely, Your Past Self"

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Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered July 15 2020

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KickHimOut2020 checkin-in, my first!

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered July 15 2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	27
Comments	422
Date	July 15, 2020 6:54 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hrtjz8/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.711924 https://theredarchive.com/post/711924