How difficult has dating been for YOU?

Neptune-Jr · 2022-05-18T22:10:29+00:00

It's very difficult. Mainly because noone teaches you how to go about these things.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-05-18T21:44:52+00:00

How has it been? What's been difficult?

I am from the time period where OLD was just starting up and people considered it icky. Most of my relationships were coworkers or friends of friends, and eventually I got onto OKCupid around 2006ish.

OLD was a new landscape, it was the wild west at the time. You could message people without even matching first.

I always thought I was mediocre looking, until I got onto OLD and get quite a few messages from women every day. Then I got a big ego from it and did a little bit of fuckboi'ing. Towards the end of it, I did notice it (OLD) becoming more and more like interviewing for a job. Women were putting height requirements and race requirements in their profiles. Asking how much money you make or how big your dick is as 1st questions. I think I got out at a good time, tbh.

melody_of_ · 2022-05-18T22:25:27+00:00

Horrendous but its gotten better.

I used to struggle with dating in the extreme to the point where I was effectively black pilled. I definitely tried to pull away from dating. I ultimately ended up settling for the first women who would accept me and got cheated on and abused then found someone who i though was amazing only to get dragged into one sided polyamory an abused further.

What changed it for me was seeing how selfish that person could be solely ecause she was attractive and a woman.

It made me more bitter but convinced me I had to go to the gym if I wanted this to stop.

So I did, And like clockwork suddenly women started expressing interest in me. I got into my fuck boy phase and loved it but also grew increasingly depressed realizing that my only value romantically speaking seemed to be my looks.

Inb4 "nah it wasnt your looks you were confident!" -Shut the f**k up.

I dated around quite a bit, I'm very tall and have an attractive face. I exercise everyday and adhere to a strict diet. I also go to night clubs and other events. I have a stereotypical "gay" voice and personality at least I get typed as such. I lean into this heavily as it seems to disarm women and lower their guard initially. My presumption is they expect certain behavior from hetero men that they dont if you sound stereotypically non hetero?

It doesnt matter it works so I keep doing it.

I ended up finding a lady who was great enough to stop fucking around and settle down with and I'm pretty happy. Wish she was more extroverted but I love her lots. I'm not going to lie though one of the best parts about being taken is * not having to deal with women in the context of dating* and I think many men can relate.

80_20 · 2022-05-18T22:45:26+00:00

I've never been popular with women.(puberty to 22) I did okay when I was young (32+). I wasn't popular then either, but I had a lifetime to trying in front of me. Every few years I'd get a single person interested in me.

It was kinda sad because I couldn't really have an opinion on the matter. My only choice was to choose those that chose me. So I never got any kind of say in the matter. I just had to date those that wanted to date me.

For example, like I would have Jan interested in me for a couple of weeks, we would go out and stuff but then she would disappear. Then two years later I'd get Tina interested in me and she would be around for a month or two and then she'd be gone. It wasn't like ever in my life I had Amy, Cara and Kim interested in me, so I could picked which one I liked best and go with her.

Anyone *I* particularly wanted to date wasn't interested in me, Just a few here in there that would make it known they didn't find me repulsive and would give it shot and I would go with it.

As I've gotten 40+ it has slowed even more. Nobody really wants me now. I am friends and acquaintances with more women than ever and none really are interested in me.

I know why the older white men off themselves at record rates.

AggroWeasel · 2022-05-18T22:29:18+00:00

Nearly impossible. And nearly all of that impossibility is linked to factors far beyond my control.

Women’s general naivety about what men have to deal with to get…anything in the dating market is astounding.

hentaipolice · 2022-05-18T23:42:50+00:00

I'm probably an outlier but it's been like playing on nightmare mode for me. I don't see it getting better, so I've kinda made peace with it. My personality and looks make it really hard to find anyone that would be OK with that kind of lifestyle.

VastlyVainVanity · 2022-05-19T00:43:29+00:00

The last relationship I've had was like 3 years ago.

Since I'm not really interested in hook-ups, dating has been nonexistent. I'm enjoying the life of a single man with not many worries.

But it does get lonely at times. And I'm pretty sure that when I do decide to get back into dating it'll be pretty hard, since after my last relationship I discovered that the sexual past of a woman is a dealbreaker to me if it involved multiple casual partners.

Since talking about that topic with a woman you want to date is kinda frowned upon because "men and women are the same" and all that, I dread the moment I will have to bring this up with a woman in the future, lol.

MickIsBlue · 2022-05-18T21:46:21+00:00

I wouldn’t call it dating. I’d call it trying to date. I’ve been on one date my entire life and I’m in my early 40s. Dating has been nearly impossible.

MickIsBlue · 2022-05-19T00:03:00+00:00

EXTREMELY difficult. Getting women is a full time job. Approaching them, making sure they are sending the right signals, coming up with conversation that's engaging, make her laugh, have her emotionally connect with you, keep the convo someone edgy, ask for her number, ask her on date, plan around what she likes, pick her up, make conversation again on the dates, have some good stories to tell, keep the conversation non boring, flowing, flirt very efficiently, be very creative with flirting, ask for another date, build trust, eventually make the first move like touching, kiss her, seduce her with words, move her to a secluded location, reassure her that you are not a guy who's just tryna take advantage of her, make her feel safe, be willing to pull the trigger when she wants, make sure she's ok with sexual acts at the moment, have sex, put on a good performance, and at the same time while doing this boatload of work try to act as not a try hard while doing so. Which is hard to do unless you have alot of experienced remembering all this and doing it.

Not to mention that at any time she could reject your advances or ghost you. And they can be for the tiniest things.

I didn't even get even the women who will reject you off the bat if you aren't a certain height, listen to their favorite genre of music, make a certain amount of money, aren't old enough, don't have a steady career, a car, or a job.

But I'm a guy. I'm required to play on Veteran Difficulty

Kentucky_Supreme · 2022-05-18T22:48:57+00:00

Essentially a lifelong walk through a desert while coming across an occasional glass of water. Women that have been interested in me in person almost never spoke up. I only know because mutual friends would tell me months or years after the fact. Dates have been very few and far in between. All have only come from dating apps. Except for the last girl I dated. I met her in college and we recently reconnected.

So not a total shit show but it could be 100x better. Meeting women in the right contexts just seems nearly impossible.

flakybottom · 2022-05-18T23:31:49+00:00

Nonexistent dating/sex life, not getting better because autism. Apparently I'm an outlier here.

Orange_Paisley · 2022-05-18T21:22:57+00:00

It's been fairly easy, but i think my generation was the last one that was allowed to play outside without adult supervision.

Puzzleheaded_Bet7294 · 2022-05-18T21:19:52+00:00

My dating life is nonexistent so I’d say it’s unbelievably difficult

Ok_Cake7513 · 2022-05-18T22:48:28+00:00

Difficult to the point of impossible. I think it's a combination of crap luck, introversion, and untreated mental issues.

Slyfer_Seven · 2022-05-18T21:27:54+00:00

Outside of the fact that I absolutely detest even having to think about dating, new relationship shit, or even being single at damn near 40, it's been pretty easy.

I could maintain a great relationship with a woman on autopilot at this point, so I only need to concern myself with attraction and dating apps do 90% of that for me with the whole swiping system...

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-05-19T00:26:20+00:00

It's ridonkulous. I've given up temporarily. The pursuit has lapsed into absurdity so much that I can't even imagine it anymore.

Environment is huge. I used to live in the middle of the city and it was easier to meet people. Now I'm in a not-sketchy-but-definitely-weird neighborhood that most sane people avoid. The dive bars here aren't cute, they are super hardcore. And they are the only show in town (this neighborhood, that is).

anon018274031 · 2022-05-18T21:36:25+00:00

My dating life is non existent. I struggle to find men who want to date for a relationship. I keep stumbling across men who just want sex.

I also have a lot of insecurities that get in the way. I feel men shouldn’t have to go through dates with me, I feel bad for the men when I engage with them 😂🤦‍♀️

Matt_Door · 2022-05-18T22:00:36+00:00

Very difficult

Severe-Pirate · 2022-05-18T23:33:15+00:00

Hasn’t been easy. I’d say it’s a combination of bad luck and a lack of effort.

chalkandapples · 2022-05-18T22:09:29+00:00

It took active effort, it wasn't easy. But it wasn't super difficult either. I had to learn how to date and relate to someone on a romantic level, and even started checking out incel forums for a while (which is why I know about this place). But it's like a challenging video game, it's not easy at first, but you git gud and feel accomplished after.

My dating experience is almost the opposite of what most internet dating places think is typical for a girl. I'm not good at initially establishing a connection or early dating. And don't have guys throwing themselves at me. But I never had commitment issues and men almost never lie to me or try to pressure me into sex. I don't see as many selfish men as the internet claim there is. Everyone I did have a connection with was very serious and relationship minded.

ThorLives · 2022-05-19T03:46:01+00:00

I'm male. Dating is pretty shitty. Women are mostly lazy and flakey. I cold-approach a lot of women. I'm also on dating apps, and do co-ed sports stuff. I've also asked out some women in my extended friend group, but for reasons I cannot understand, they are super flakey and will often not meetup for a drink. I'm good-looking, athletic, smart, and earn 150k/year. In theory, I'm in the top 20%, but I certainly don't get treated that way. I would prefer a relationship, but open to hookups. Admittedly, I live in a major city with more men than women, so women have the upper-hand when it comes to dating options. This makes it easier for them to date-up, and more difficult for me to date anyone who's my equal. I can't tell you the number of women's phone numbers that I have in my phone who, after meeting her in a bar, club, or coffeeshop and having a good interaction, either never replied to my text message about meeting up again, or would text a few times and then stop replying. You'd think that a guy looking for a relationship would add to my value, but it apparently doesn't add enough. I've improved myself a lot since I was a teenager, but the results are still shitty.

I do get some attention from less-attractive women, but I'm not attracted to them and can't see myself sleeping with them or having a relationship with them. Most of my male friends with more active dating lives go after women that are not very attractive, and are almost always "dating down" in looks. I've had relationships in the past. I often feel kind of unenthusiastic about the women I'm dating after a while, or, when I do find someone I like, she seems to either breakup with me or cheat on me. Guys are always circling round looking to steal your girl. I've even had a few former guy "friends" who tried that.

I've thought of moving to another city or country where the odds are more in my favor. I was going to move to New York City for a while, since they are famous for having more women than men. But that was right before covid hit. It would also mean leaving my friends and family, just to go meet women. I also kind of hate how dirty and overcrowded New York is.

As things are going, I'm solidly on track to never get married or have a family, and not for lack of wanting to. It's absolutely bizarre to me that this is my position in life.

Edit: OP should ask commenters to specify if they are male or female. I absolutely believe it's easier for women to find people attracted to them. Many of the commenters are saying dating is easy, and then you find out later that they're women.

Abandons65 · 2022-05-19T01:19:19+00:00

I’ve never even held hands with a women romantically, never been on a date, I go to the gym, I’m fit, I have good hobbies, I’m in college in a competitive degree which will lead to good money in the future, yet apparently looks is all that ever matters

Gigamon2014 · 2022-05-18T23:15:27+00:00

Not difficult but thoroughly unenjoyable.

I found myself back on Tinder after a temporary separation and getting matches was never difficult...but even then it was still difficult difficult form anything resembling a connection with just about any woman on there. I remember talking to one girl in particular. 24 years old, beautiful, owned her own house but it struck me...she never gave me a compliment once, except to tell me in one of our final conversations "Gigamon, you know you look good..."

I mean, gee, thanks...

It would be asinine to pretend that someone with my attributes struggled (tall, super athletic, good job) or had the difficulties of some of the incels on here, but I got to say if a girl is the type to write "not into short/××× race/average guys" then she likely won't even end up being worth dealing with for the guys who actually has the traits she discriminates on. I call it "expectation with no appreciation". I think men are right in saying women have all these new demands for their suitors...education, height, physique, employment...but rarely do they even know how to appreciate any guy who comes along with all the things she criticises men for not having.

Thankfully my gf mended our disagreements and its been 2+ years since that low point. I got lucky, hope some of u do too.

BeautifulTomatillo · 2022-05-18T21:20:22+00:00

pretty swimmingly

college makes for an abundance of great options, it is a form of pre-selection (my age, my social class, my level of intelligence and ambition)

i also have a somewhat masculine personality but a feminine look, which makes it easy to attract and connect with men.

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doshkhaleesi · 2022-05-18T21:55:08+00:00

Pre-OLD it wasn't so bad. I was shy and rather reserved and not terribly pretty, so I wasn't dating a ton of people, and casual wasn't my thing so I went without sex for decent stretches. But I got a moderate amount of experience before marriage. I can't complain; except for one guy, they were all good people. When single it was probably lack of effort. Like, too tired to go out with friends, too depressed after a breakup to think about going out to meet people, too much work and no time to go out.

My experiences can't be compared to people on the sub who are doing online dating. I mean, it's just completely different.

Vtridolla · 2022-05-18T22:02:47+00:00

Been really easy, I don’t catch feelings easily as I’m a bit picky. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. I just work on myself and go outside, read some books and listen to R&B and cook.

No-Priority7869 · 2022-05-18T22:22:31+00:00

Getting first dates is laughably easy. I’m a good looking guy with a (formerly) good career who knows how to play the OLD game.

Finding someone I want to see more than once is damn near impossible. I’m at the age where most people who are still single either want to be, or are single because nobody can deal with their shit. The latter group gets very good at hiding their crazy after all of these years of dating, and you don’t figure out they’re that way until it’s way too late, so my romantic relationships since I got divorced - 13 years ago - have mostly been dramatic shit shows except for one. She dumped me because I needed to take ED meds to counteract other meds I was on and she couldn’t emotionally handle being with a guy who needed those to fuck her.

TotalTravesty · 2022-05-18T22:23:17+00:00

It was harder than hell when I was fat, underemployed and living at home. Then I dropped the weight, got more professional experience, moved out, became happier with myself, stopped being afraid of talking to girls and dating got gradually easier.

There’s a fine line between hard work and luck. Was I getting more dates because I improved my appearance and worked on my anxieties or because living on my own made it easier for me to get out more and get luckier? A little from column A and a little from column B.

That’s why I can’t relate to the guys on this sub. Dropping a hundred pounds didn’t make me a stud alpha, just a slightly more attractive version of average—which was good enough to get dates and sex until my LTR came along. And my experience of change bringing about change runs directly counter to the doomers who think It’s Over because you’re not born a 6’4” bodybuilder.

Spread-Em-Plz · 2022-05-18T23:07:57+00:00

I'm somewhere between easy and hard right now

When I first became interested in dating (which was a little bit later than most of my peers), things were difficult. I didn't have much of any social media presence, school was a bunk option, and I was socially awkward and didn't have the balls to approach, and I definitely would've fucked it up if I were to approach in this time. At this time I couldn't recognize when I was being flirted with in the moment, only in hindsight
Currently I mostly use social circles and social media for my means to an end, but I'm thinking I should find a way to switch it up soon
Finding a girl who's thinks I'm at least "cute" isn't difficult at all, and I'm good at getting along with people, at that point if she's actually attracted to me beyond just thinking that I'm "cute", she'll make flirting an easy experience
If I were in college currently or some other such environment, I'd likely be successful enough; the only real difficulty I have is with logistics and sometimes, meeting new people isn't the easiest without social media

Tl:DR: It's kinda hard sometimes, not because no one's attracted or because girls don't like me, but because of logistical issues really

Hoopy223 · 2022-05-19T00:57:49+00:00

When I was younger dating was impossible until I lost weight, took steroids and dumbed myself down a bit. Being a smart philosophical nerd who weighs 209lbs isn’t as good as a lean 170lb guy who likes to party lol.

Now that I am older dating isn’t hard but everyone is older too.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-05-19T01:20:57+00:00

I've always had girls interested in me but when I was young, I was too dumb to realize that and capitalize on it. My biggest difficulty was when I moved to New York without knowing anyone and separating from my social circle. I fell into a depression and since I didn't know people, I couldn't get introduced to women, so eventually I thought I would die alone and had to do something. So I got the nerve and started talking to women in the park or at Starbucks and eventually got over my shyness and started finding girlfriends and FWB. There were a couple of years I was pretty depressed and down on myself and had convinced myself that nobody liked me until I realized that people were in fact avoiding me, but not because I was an unlovable monster but because I was such a downer that people didn't want to have their life energy sucked out of them by interacting with me. Once I stopped blaming others for my problems and took responsibility I saw the light.

bloodthirsty_emu · 2022-05-19T03:02:16+00:00

Apologies for the essay!!

Practically impossible so far - I have literally never had anyone show any interest or consider me physically attractive enough to even think of me as a dating option.

I do still have some (faint now) hope that things could change and there have been some slight improvements. I am 35 though, and my experiences so far have caused incredible distress, massive depression, and changes to my lifestyle / personality that makes things harder.

The simple truth is that it's been incredibly difficult due to the fact that have always looked significantly different to a "normal" / healthy guy my age due to illness affecting my appearance, starting as a teenager. Without going on about all my visible symptoms, basically I'm an immediately recognisable outlier. This is largely unchangeable, and I think I've done a pretty good job on all the things I can control.

As a result, my sole experiences have been to be at best invisible / ignored, and sometimes abused or very occasionally literally assaulted.

Not many people understand the reality of looking different, and frequently attack people like me by claiming that we have some kind of personality problems. Not only is this hurtful, its blatantly wrong in most cases. For example, you are very rarely even afforded the opportunity to start a conversation in which that could become the possible issue.

While this is well accepted in terms of OLD (i.e. the struggles of average or below average guys in getting matches etc.), it baffles me that people don't realise that real life is frequently worse. Very few people show even basic decency in this context, i.e. there is not usually a bad reaction in talking to guys, or to some girls in a group setting (assholes aside), yet the instant you indicate interest in dating / romance the response I've found has been almost universally involving aggressive expressions of disgust including insults about appearance or assault (being spat on, or pushed for example).

In extreme cases this can even happen without any action on my part, e.g. when I was younger going out to bars and clubs with my friends had these outcomes before I could speak to people. My experiences on OLD back in the day with sites where you had to pay to see photos, and with professional matchmaking, support this - i.e. there are rarely problems until my appearance was revealed. It sounds unbelievable but I have literally once had the meme where a girl walked in, saw what I looked like, and ran out!

I do believe though that my experiences are very rare, I have a rare genetic illness that among other things caused my kidneys to fail, moderate deafness, and some obvious "defects" to appearance (lack of hair as a teenager, paleness, being underweight etc.), my eyes are now going to shit too. "Normal" looking people just won't have those problems.

Outside of the physical, originally / generally there's not anything that wrong with me imho. I have a professional job and earn above average, a good friend group, can get along with most people, try my best to stay active and so on. Over time things have gotten a little worse as being sick required more time at home, the impact of the years of abuse turned me more introverted and shy / homebody-ish, and some of the meds I need to take have documented emotional side effects (irritation, quick to anger). For context there have been studies showing that over 75% of people in my position lose their partner after starting the meds / going through the surgery. And that is people already in long term relationships.

Even with all that, I still hope to meet someone. I mostly use the apps these days (deafness and shyness makes it really hard to cold approach) and recently there have been some improvements - i.e. I'm no longer such a blatantly obvious outlier in terms of appearance, even if objectively I'd still say I'm slightly below average. I get some matches occasionally, although I have found that there are still plenty of cruel people out there (recently someone flat out told me my illness meant I was undateable and that I should just stop trying).

I've put in a lot of work mentally too and get free therapy / psychologist appts which I've been doing for 15 years now. That really helps me from dropping into complete despair and giving up.

Anti_Thing · 2022-05-19T03:37:43+00:00

Quite difficult. I can hardly get a date.

I started consistently going to the gym again recently, so God willing I'll have better luck a few months from now when I'll be in better shape. I also go back to in person school for the first time in 2 years this September. My lack of success has been a result of both bad luck & lack of effort in the past. I'm an introvert & have NVLD (more or less like Asperger's in how it affects social skills). I'm also a devout Christian & a (by Canadian standards) hard right winger, yet I'm surrounded by one of the most liberal & secular cultures on the planet. I was raised by immigrant parents who are themselves introverted & have struggled to fit into the culture of college-educated Canadians. I've always refused to date non-Christians, though I grew up in a declining church that had nobody in my age group left by the time I finished high school, & the church I go to now also lacks single women in their 20s, so for much of my life I've had no real dating opportunities. I like to think I could've had a relationship if I put more effort into dating when I was younger, though I only started looking for a relationship in a serious way a little over a year before Covid. When I was younger I was proudly eccentric, though I've come to the conclusion that I should make a deliberate effort to be more attractive to women; I want a hot wife so it's only fair. I'm still trying to figure out how to be more attractive while staying true to myself.

My personal experience is vastly different from the norm.

Thiccsmartie · 2022-05-19T08:50:25+00:00

Perspective on dating skinny vs. fat. So here is my story: I used to be skinny/fit think fitnessmodel kinda body + conventionally attractive face. I gained a lot of weight when I started to recover from this fitness eating disorder. And when I say a lot of weight I mean A LOT (not just 20 pounds), I thought I would NEVER be attractive to anyone anymore. After my LTR failed I got into dating also using OLD and had LOW expectations. If I had to describe my body type now it’s probably around slightly bigger than Ashley graham is , however I m short (5‘2). I do not experience any problems on getting matches eventhough I m clearly overweight. I also do not experience problems getting approached or talk to men. I actually feel like I am more approachable because I do not have this „perfect“ body anymore. I think I m just getting this out there so woman know that they absolutely do not have to have a perfect body to find love. Confidence, a cute face, nice hair and clothes, being charming and nice goes a LONG way. As hard as it is, unfortunately I think a man in the same position would have it a lot harder…

spunkystoic · 2022-05-19T12:22:51+00:00

I'm a 5'1 brown guy, living in the UK.

I'm also well adjusted, facially attractive, have a large (gender mixed) social group, not bitter, been told I'm charismatic, and am very well off financially.

Would the "blue pillers" on here care to guess how successful I've been romantically? 😂😂

-TheInevitable- · 2022-05-18T21:53:19+00:00

Mediocre while being blue pill, with not enough success considering my SMV and with trouble maintaining women's attraction long term. Not horrible though. EXCELLENT after becoming red pill. Women finally made sense and every issue was fixed.

Barely-moral · 2022-05-18T22:03:08+00:00

How has it been? What's been difficult?

Difficult and nonexistent until mid to late twenties. From then on l met miss moral and things have been good since then.

I was an incel with no redeeming qualities other than honesty. Had to get myself a career, status, money... And then get fit and then getting social skills... And then developing masks and proficiency using them to pretend I am more normal or interesting than I am...

Do you see your difficulties being resolved in the future any time soon?

Solved.

And more importantly, how does your personal experience compare to the apparent general experiences of either gender according to this sub?

Doesn't seem that abnormal. The abnormal part is how far I was willing to go to solve the issue.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-05-18T21:27:45+00:00

I can get dates and have sex consistently with girls I find attractive and enjoy spending time with. Being in a college town makes it easier. I'm dating a girl from school I could see myself marrying some day (not in a relationship yet though) and have several fwbs. But it still requires a lot of effort because as a guy you have to initiate, plan dates, decide when to escalate things while still respecting boundaries ect...then obviously on apps there is a myriad of bots, catfishes, scammers, ghosting, flaking.

Flash back to several years ago and my dating life was non-existent. I talk to all of the girls I hang out with about their experience with dating today because I find it interesting. They all get hundreds of likes on a weekly basis/are flooded with options. But not necessarily with quality men lol.

For the average guy I think dating is pretty crappy because modern day women who are average and below have delusional standards. Men have very different standards for sex vs long-term so a lot of women conflate interest in sex as their value as a relationship prospect. Thus the net result is overweight single mothers are all shooting for tall, young, handsome, successful guys. I think one of the issues for average guys is not that they can't get into a relationship at all, but moreso that they can't get into one with someone that brings similar value to them.

"Women are the prize' mentality is rampant. And honestly maybe women are the prize, a nice butt is the most magical thing in the world LOL. But to be a prize you have to take care of yourself, not take time for granted, and make good decisions about the sort of guy you allow you finish inside you without protection.

2022-05-18T21:48:46+00:00

I wouldn't call it difficult so much as inconsistent and confusing, at least initially.

Growing up black in white Bible Belt neighborhoods, schools, etc. was a wild time. I was drawn to nerdy shy guys because of similar interests but ironically enough they seemed the least interested in dating interracially. The guys who pursued me tended to be more bold/popular/nonconformist "wishes he was black" types. My first BF was like that, he was actually very popular with girls and our relationship went to shit because of my insecurity.

That challenge has resolved itself with age, travel, and experience. More recently the difficulty was finding the right balance of tradcon traits (e.g. waiting until marriage) and modern traits (e.g. doesn't expect me to be a house wife). Thankfully that's been resolved too in the form of my current BF.

figuringMylife · 2022-05-19T00:27:34+00:00

someone just marry me already

urukshai · 2022-05-19T01:21:11+00:00

Easy to date other men. I never even had a chance to date women. Hellish.

dante42lk · 2022-05-19T03:33:04+00:00

There was a couple of water spills early on, then there was a big lake that turned to be a toxic swamp, a couple of droplets later, but mostly drought

MrMushySauce · 2022-05-18T22:58:17+00:00

Sure, let's have a go! I'm pretty open about all this shit anyways.

How has it been?

Hmm, I guess, overall--decent. I was really shy/awkward when <18 which made me kinda pessimistic (didn't know men were supposed to approach--didn't help that, even though I was approached, I always thought it was just friendly intentions). From 18-22 I had tons of good experiences, honestly some pretty bad experiences too but overall I was having a blast. 23-24 has been kinda bland but it's more about my more-focused desires not being met by my willing list of prospects.

What's been difficult?

I do not have the slightest clue how to properly find and screen an LTR. Like, my last LTR was basically what I always wanted, and in retrospect, I see why that wouldn't necessarily work with 'forever' in mind. I also see how lots of the things I enjoyed about her are part of what made us incompatible. But that's if I even get far with a girl.

Playing the game for an LTR is so much more mind-fucking than just going for bangs. With bangs, it's simple: you move fast as fuck and if she isn't willing you scrap her. But I went on 2 dates with girls earlier this year, and after the 2nd I kind of made a move to bang and they were a bit reluctant. So I scrapped them both. But if I really want a quality LTR, maybe a longer leash would work better? It's just tough because I physically could not be in a relationship with a girl who was anything short of completely sexually uninhibited around me... my sex drive is that high in relationships. My first LTR threw herself at me vastly more directly than any other girl ever has, and continued to do so, and it was so intoxicating... and in retrospect, probably manipulative. But hot. lol
Do you see your difficulties being resolved in the future any time soon?

Yeah, so at risk of seeming a little bit loony, I can be kinda psychic at times. Sometimes I get this feeling of intuition (which I've since recognized is my brain subconsciously crunching lots of numbers and spitting out a result without me being aware of the process) but it's almost always right. I told my friend he'd get a GF 3 months before he did after 6 years being (mostly) single, I predicted the last 2 Super Bowls off of it before a snap was played in the season, lots of other examples but I'm blabbering on... when I was breaking up with my GF in January 2021 (we had like a week-long vacation together while long distance but basically knew we were splitting over the distance), I said I was sad because I wouldn't have a GF until the Christmas after next (and that's one of my favorite times to be in a relationship). I could just kind of feel that that's when it would be. Here we are, 7 months from then, and I'm in really good shape, getting a lot of interest from girls, have my ex blocked out of my mind mostly, and am interested to date. If I wasn't dating anyone 7 months from now I would be surprised.

If it's been easy, has it been the result of your luck, or your hard work?

The easy parts are a total combo. I do work hard, which helps me. I put a lot of intentional work into things like social skills, appearance, etc. But I have good genes too. Even back in HS before I touched a weight, before I could talk to a girl, I was getting approached by attractive women I just didn't know it. But I've still had to do a lot, yeah.

If it's been hard, has it been the result of your bad luck, or your lack of effort?

The hard parts for me I think are a combo of bad skill + just life. I mean, I've always been LTR-minded, but I picked a somewhat incompatible LTR that was compatible enough to masquerade as an ideal LTR for 4 years. In terms of meeting new people, I haven't had the most opportunity to do so (bad luck, I suppose) and none of the ones I have met have stuck out that much. I think that part is just natural though not everyone is great for you.
And more importantly, how does your personal experience compare to the apparent general experiences of either gender according to this sub?

Everyone is always complaining about getting laid. That's not my problem lol. Finding a "worthy" LTR is super difficult, though, which I guess lots of people of both genders say. But idk--if it's easy you probably aren't screening enough. I fully intend to stay with whoever this person ends up being, so damn right they're gonna be hard to find lol

2022-05-19T00:05:24+00:00

It's been great. Got in my first relationship with a close friend right after high school. Been dating for almost two years now. We've had some hiccups, regular relationship shit, but things have been overall fantastic. It's been a mix between hard work, wise decisions, patience and good luck. I definitely work hard for my relationship, but I feel very lucky to have found my man when I did.

Of course, 2 years is still very short in the grand scheme of things and I'm only 20, so we'll see where things go from here. But very happy thus far.

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-05-19T00:23:42+00:00

Honestly not very difficult, I may sometimes say that things have been difficult but I've always had at the minimum one or two women interested in me at the same time.

And with a body count of 10 I'm doing better than most men my age who are still virgins.

Transmigratory · 2022-05-19T00:38:30+00:00

Not so bad when I think about it.

Harder with exceptionally hot girls when you listen to conventional BP advice. However, when incorporated beneficial elements of red and laughed at elements of the 2XC type crowd and went about things in a more relaxed/unconstrained way, it became easier.

For example, I wouldn't be past making a hottie I've got rapport with cry or cause her emotional distress by demonstrating my willing to leave and that she's never going to hear from me again if I do, I'm gone for good. Usually if I get repeated annoyance like expecting me to consider their needs at cost of mine.

It's been easier when I realised I have a lot to offer, and because of that, I can aim high. As such I easily walk away if I'm decide I've had enough and make it clear.

Best summed up as, going with the flow. But you can also decide if things happen to you, or if you decide what happens to you.

mandoa_sky · 2022-05-19T01:58:03+00:00

non-existent - but then again i just recently recovered from a bout of covid so I've got more health-related priorities in the near future.

Jazzlike_Function788 · 2022-05-19T04:34:46+00:00

Hard, but not the worst. I've had sex with 2 women and kissed 5 over the course of 28 years. My first kiss and girlfriend was at 21 so kind of a late bloomer.

I don't really know how to make friends as an adult and I've pretty much run out of available college/highschool friends who I can attempt to rekindle connections with (which is what I've done so far).

Poor mental health, small social circle and I'm pretty overweight. Realistically it's going to be 2 maybe 3 years of work before I see any more dating success, but I've been working on it.

I don't think most women have the impossible standard that I see claimed here a lot. Some women have pretty high standards for sure, but those women also tend to be very attractive themselves. I've had the experience of women only talking to me when I'm providing them an expensive dinner date and then ignoring me otherwise, but again I only see that with very attractive women, most don't do that, and I generally find the conversation worth the money anyway even if it does kind of sting.

mcove97 · 2022-05-19T06:10:32+00:00

Dating or getting a date is ridiculously easy. What's not easy is finding someone I think is worth dating and who I think is compatible with me. Being vegan and childfree, I'm looking for the hippie needle in the haystack when the hippies all but died out.

Don't think I'm gonna find the guy I'm looking for in my country as most guys where I'm from wants a normal lifestyle with a normal job and a normal house with normal kids with a normal car.. with normal meaty barbeques... And the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids... you get the gist. I just wanna live adventurous and free lifestyle, perhaps even living in a van and just travelling around enjoying life. Not a whole lot of Norwegians seems to be about that niche lifestyle..so ya, considering moving to another country to try my luck there.

humdf · 2022-05-19T06:14:38+00:00

I never had to. Was approached in nearly all cases.

Habe it on easy mode due to genetics

Fishyinthemiddle · 2022-05-19T06:47:28+00:00

Easy peasy. And I don't know why. I am way less attractive and charismatic than some of my single friends.

Probably just being brutally authentic and accepting of weirdos. It makes it easy to find each other.

wtknight · 2022-05-19T12:06:09+00:00

Dating got pretty easy for me once I focused on chatting with women from other countries. American women come across as entitled and neurotic to me compared to women from other parts of the world. I’m sure I probably could have found a decent American woman if I kept trying to look, though.

throwaway316stunner · 2022-05-19T13:06:14+00:00

The equivalent of playing a bullet hell shooter while blind and two people are playing the vuvuzela directly into your ears.

I do not see it being resolved any time soon, if at all.

lilgingercelt · 2022-05-19T23:52:11+00:00

Not difficult at all, very successful. Had 2 amazing long term relationships through online dating, plenty of FWB and many, many one night stands.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-05-18T21:34:03+00:00

It’s been pretty easy. Anytime I’ve wanted to find dates, I’ve been able to. But I can also get along with basically anyone, so that’s been advantageous as well.

When it’s been hard, it’s usually because I wasn’t putting in enough effort, or putting in too much effort ironically. The hardest part was really finding someone who is sexually compatible, but also compatible in terms of life goals and values.

Taking a step back and not doing too much, being in a mental place where I can enjoy dating, and being stricter with my dealbreakers helped immensely when it came to using dating apps.

Then I went and met my boyfriend by chance in person lol. You never know how things will turn out for you!

ashpr0ulx · 2022-05-18T21:51:32+00:00

It was hard when I was younger because guys in school didn’t really pay any attention to me. It’s been easier the older I get. as you get older people are less afraid to ask for what they want or admit to having feelings. the men are more commitment minded, I’m more confident in myself and i have a better idea of what i want in a partner. still not easy all around but doesn’t feel hopeless

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-05-18T22:29:22+00:00

It was hard for me at first but then I figured out how to style myself well, how to talk to/flirt with men without being awkward, I gained weight and I switched up the demographic of men I was dating and then it became very easy to find what I was looking for.

It was hard at first because talking to men made me anxious, and I was very reserved and gave off major push over vibes so I used to attract a lot of crazies.

PinkPurpleGreenx · 2022-05-18T23:11:50+00:00

I think I might be difficult one. I could date easily and I did when I was dating. But I really don’t feel like seeing anyone anymore. I’m not interested in casual dating where people date others, I don’t want casual sex or fwb. I don’t want to date men that “don’t know what they want” or “explore around” or “try to find themselves” and so on. But in recent years seems like less men are interested in LTR with mutual love, admiration, respect etc. So back to the topic if I wanted to just “date” and that’s it it’s easy but if I wanted something out of it it’s difficult.

hdksndiisn · 2022-05-19T03:05:38+00:00

It’s basically impossible. I may as well be invisible for a few reasons. I’ve never really lacked options until these last 2+ years. But I was devastated after a break up with who I thought was “the one”. And haven’t been able to date since, even if I wanted to. Tried OLD briefly, but it was depressing. Every tinder or hinge date ghosted day of the date anyways. Every conversation disappeared abruptly or trailed into oblivion. I had little to no excitement at meeting the women I did match with.

I did meet women through work when I was working on site and that went fairly smoothly, just didn’t have interest in them as more than friends after spending time with them.

I don’t drink so that eliminates 90% of options. I’m older now in my 30s and women my age want someone in a far different place in life than me, and younger women want to have fun - which, in sobriety, I don’t offer.

I tested my sobriety theory by asking women for drinks and all said yes. But I cowered away and ghosted them for fear of relapse. Getting a coffee date is like pulling teeth, and to be honest I don’t even want to meet for coffee. It sounds abysmal. The whole process. The same interview over and over. Or the same “game” involved with each date to move them from match, to phone #t, to date - and how being honest or replying with more than aloof, mysterious, fun-sounding flirty texts, at any point in the process, results in ghosting.

I’ve been with enough women to know I’m attractive and that’s not really the issue anyways, it’s that I lack enthusiasm after my heart was thrown in the trash along with my unborn child (abortion) by my last ex. Hard for me to really believe it’s worth the effort after that. She really convinced me of some things that profoundly altered how I viewed reality and then left, rendering everything I trusted & believed null. - things I had for many years as a stereotypical “alpha” alcoholic asshole dismissed like love and the nuclear family.

If I somehow manage to change my attitude or if I’m totally honest, the most likely outcome is that I’ll start drinking again, when that time comes I don’t really think I’ll have much trouble.

End my depressing dating life.

OscarSmiled · 2022-05-18T21:18:18+00:00

It hasn't been difficult at all. Franky I don't see what the fuss is all over, but then I'm not an angsty teenager. It's a difficult time to be one apparently.

Like gets easier folks. Stop worry about nonsense that doesn't matter.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-05-18T21:29:00+00:00

Any guy who comes here to say it's been easy will be accused of LARPing but...

Yeah, it's easy. It's bananas. I often daydream about high-fiving my hopeless teenage self, because we got to fantasyland, lil homie.

Some of it is is luck—genetics, upbringing—some of it was work, some of it talent, some taste. It took a while, but I glowed up big time in my mid 20s.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-05-18T22:46:49+00:00

It wasn’t too hard. But I’m an extrovert that loves being around people, so there’s that.

MickIsBlue · 2022-05-18T23:24:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Pastelitomaracucho · 2022-05-18T21:38:49+00:00

Talk about your experience with dating (romantic relationships, not the purely sexual ones). How has it been? What's been difficult?

It's been good and not too difficult. My experience is probably not too uncommon. Had my first girlfriend at 12, lost my virginity at 16. Got my heart shattered at 15, got cheated on, but always dated/had girlfriends partners. Uni was a bit of a dry summer, but I quickly got back up to speed after graduation. In my 30's I have been playing the game by my rules. Everything got a lot easier.

If it's been easy, has it been the result of your luck, or your hard work?

Both. I was lucky to have been born decently attractive and intelligent. I was even more lucky growing up in a family who taught me to socialize, to dance, to talk to girls, to make friends and that sparked my curiosity to learn. As aged, hard work paid off: being in shape, having an exciting career and the status that comes with it, being able to demonstrate my intelligence... Those things act as multipliers.

And more importantly, how does your personal experience compare to the apparent general experiences of either gender in this sub.

Can compare to an extent. Most people here are university age people. Men have their hormones firing in all cylinders, but think the cards are stacked against them. Women feel they have the world at their feet with endless possibilities. I used to feel like that during uni. Things did change for the better.

Can't compare my childhood to what many on the internet report. I was extremely lucky.

SpiritualEnema · 2022-05-18T21:41:45+00:00

It’s been easy for me, which was a surprise after being married for 13.5 years and never using online before. I’ve had 4 dates in the past 3 weeks, had sex with the 3 that I wanted to and am thinking about becoming exclusive with the best one. I think I hit the jackpot with this woman. She is all three of the F’s that us men tend to seek out (Fit, Feminine, Friendly) and so much more.

I had heard so much on here about men struggling to find dates that I was nervous at first, but then matching and getting dates with a bunch of attractive, seemingly high quality women made me think twice.
I think the platform (E-Harmony) helped too. Then again I’m tall and have a good income so that likely helped me.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-05-19T00:15:08+00:00

Not that difficult, on a scale from 1-10 ( 10 being most difficult), a 3 at most maybe

2 serious relationships

Good flings

Casual fun

30+ body count

I put myself in the best position to be a little pickier with the ladies I want as well

If it's been easy, has it been the result of your luck, or your hard work?

Both, I ain't going to act like I'm the prettiest thing but I am attractive, and even though I'm a lot skinnier than some chicks may like it hasn't hindered me too badly, good slow aging genetics from mom and dad

And more importantly, how does your personal experience compare to the apparent general experiences of either gender according to this sub?

Not as easy as an average +, woman that's for sure, but some of these dudes down bad in here lol

sleuthoftrades1 · 2022-05-19T03:22:44+00:00

Historically pretty difficult cuz I'm of the "wrong" ethnicity in not very diverse places. Even in a diverse city, my ethnicity wasn't the correct one.

Over time I got game that made things easier, but I am in med school now which makes things pretty difficult. During finals month, I only went on 1 date because I didn't have much time otherwise. A lot of women aren't very understanding of you having priorities besides her. One girl got mad at me for having exams for a whole month and I was like I don't want a month of exams either...

It made me think of how easy women have it, even in high stress situations. If I was a woman, I could just go on Tinder and just sift through 100s of profiles on my downtime during study breaks and have a pretty good shot of getting laid no matter what. Most women don't even have to do that, FWBs just fall into their laps. And don't tell me women "don't do that". I have seen my very own female classmates explicitly state they just want sex pals on their Bumble and Tinder bios. A guy saying that would have been banned. As a dude, I have to put in way more effort and have pretty low odds of even getting laid.

MepleLeef · 2022-05-20T19:12:43+00:00

"It's easy to get a date, it's easy to get laid, it's easy to get a relationship, but it's hard to find your soul mate." - Woman proverb.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-05-18T22:03:59+00:00

Pre-28 it was horrible / Post-28 pretty good.

jamesbwbevis · 2022-05-19T02:43:53+00:00

I can't date at all, its a joke. Just giving up. I'm just too unattractive. I'm really short and I'm ugly and I'm not white which seems impossible to overcome in the west

sarkington · 2022-05-18T21:46:11+00:00

Considering what an antisocial sourpuss I am, incredibly well. On the other hand, I have low standards and expend effort hiding the crazy

2022-05-18T21:56:34+00:00

Harder when I was younger than now. As time goes on, it keeps getting easier to approach or have women show interest, but my own habits keep me from actually enjoying dating

2022-05-18T22:30:45+00:00

No, this one area of my life has been super easy.

Barneysparky · 2022-05-18T22:33:03+00:00

Dating was difficult for me.

I live in a mostly blue-collar red neck town where cruise night and dinner at the Pony Corral is the week's highlight. We have a strong arts community however the members of the arts community went to university together, they marry each other and I never went to school.

I'm kinked, but definitely not into swinging. So my dating prospects were limited to men (I did try dating women, didn't work), who were sexual switches and read novels instead of attending monster truck rallies, who didn't want children, and dated outside of their circle.

Until I met my husband I almost exclusively met men I connected with outside of the province, none that I would marry. I certainly didn't think my husband lived in the same city as me. :)

So dating was hard, but I guess I'm proof that there really is someone for everyone if you have a secure/openminded mindset.

briiiana1122 · 2022-05-18T22:37:03+00:00

Not hard. I made some choices when I was younger that I wouldn’t now, but that’s part of it.

ruboyuri · 2022-05-18T23:18:00+00:00

I feel that I got what I deserved

2022-05-19T03:38:19+00:00

Not terrible. I tend to prefer relationships to dating and I’ve had rough years but more good than not. Ngl, I was text book blue pilled a few years ago. But I’ve found dating became less confusing and easier the more red pilled I became. Not saying I take everything on faith or to the extreme, just saying the parts of the RP that I’ve tested in my life have held up for me personally.

rushopolisOF · 2022-05-19T05:14:18+00:00

I don't know; I never tried.

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2022-05-19T08:20:42+00:00

Since my divorce in 2015 my dating experience has made me wonder if I'm the biggest loser in my whole metro, which is a big fucking metro

None0fYour8usiness · 2022-05-19T08:33:51+00:00

Very.

I had a total of 4 women interested in me over 26 years, 2 of which I dated for 2 years each.

The first one I dated cheated on me, the second one is the "one that got away", so to speak.

I had a 5th girl "interested" in me recently but it was to feed her own craving for attention so it doesn't count.

Currently I'm taking a year to focus on myself, but I'm open to potential dates.

Also supposedly Tinder hasn't been americanized around here yet and people use it to actually date, so I might hop on, though with how OLD is I don't think I'll be able to take it seriously.

2022-05-19T09:21:47+00:00

Early twenties = ugly duckling, hard to get anything

Mid-to-now-late twenties = glowed up massively, easy to get casual sex, LTRs have been disappointing and now seem pretty difficult to get

Lotus_82 · 2022-05-19T12:20:09+00:00

Interactions with women / seduction has always happened naturally for me and for most of the guys in my social circle as well.

I manage to attract the women I’m attracted to and the few times I randomly crushed on a girl I was friends with things naturally progressed into FWBs situation that were a lot of fun and even preferable to actual bf / gf type relationships in some cases.

I hear guys talking about putting in work to seduce women and talking about approaching and shooting their shot and it just doesn’t work like that for me, I never “approach”. I’m just around a lot of women and when I’m attracted to someone and they also kinda gravitate around me and give me signs they’re into me usually the sexual tension kinda just builds without anyone “shooting their shot” or we just “share a moment” and intimacy gets built from there and things again just naturally progress.

Electrical_Coat_8714 · 2022-05-19T12:46:21+00:00

Very difficult, not only is finding a worthwhile partner mostly rng, you also have to learn about and care for this whole other person you can't always relate to.

I don't think it will get easier anytime soon, but I don't really mind being single anymore, it's a weird thing to be butthurt about.

I'll say it's been hard not because of bad luck or lack of effort but because it's legitimately difficult to make a relationship last

midwesternMD · 2022-05-19T14:59:04+00:00

For relationship material, I’d say it’s been difficult. I know what I bring to the table and I’m confident that I’m a compelling bachelor. But I also recognize that I don’t fit the stereotypical mold for western male beauty/masculinity. I’m shorter, a minority, and while I’m in shape, I’ve got little in the way of muscle definition or mass.

That doesn’t change that socially, I’ve adopted western ideals for beauty for both men and women. So my preferences, from a looks standpoint, are arguably more of a looks-reach than a looks match. I fully recognize that in a swipe based dating platform, I’m pushing the limit of what is realistic. So the sheer number of matches I get/pursue just aren’t as robust as I would prefer.

For me, I blew it with one woman a few yrs ago because I was still recoiling over my divorce and probably love-bombed her.

Then I failed to escalate physically and ended up mutually friend-zoning another woman.

I’ve now met/dated two virgins who I couldn’t bring myself to escalate sexually with because I wasn’t 100% sure that they were right for me, and I didn’t want to be “that guy.”

And I’ve had some situationships that came to an end because they wanted more, and I already knew that there were red flags preventing me from wanting to go there with her.

And a really memorable fling with a girl who probably just wanted a reliable hookup for the week she was in town. Sex with her was honestly the best sex in my life. I hope that it was fairly enjoyable for her too, though the ongoing flirting that week (and her coming over every night) suggests to me that she was having a good time. I totally would have done a temporary LDR with her while she made plans for her next travel nurse assignment.

I would say that my path has not been easy and was only made possible by my hard work/effort.

2022-05-19T15:56:35+00:00

It was very hard as a teenager but got easier as I got older. In my mid twenties dating was marginally a bit more difficult due to being a single parent but it got easier as she got older.

I normally meet guys at social events and recently tinder due to the UK pubs being closed in 2020.

I live in a city so there's a large dating pool here fortunately.

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-05-19T16:23:11+00:00

I've always struggled to emotionally connect with people.

Since making peace with being alone and finding acceptance it's not something I think much about anymore. I would consider myself MGTOW nowdays.

If I ever need a sexual fix I'll just see an escort. Works for me.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-05-19T16:44:23+00:00

I’m 5’5 and I’ve never even had issues although I’ve been told that I’m attractive by a couple of women here on PPD it’s my charm that gets me bitches

SuperSaiyanAssHair · 2022-05-19T16:45:08+00:00

Extremely difficult and at times near impossible. I am thankful for my struggles, they have helped me build strong character.

Over_Noise3530 · 2022-05-19T16:52:55+00:00

It's not difficult to find dates with men but it is moderately difficult to find someone who is attractive. It's very difficult to find someone I could fall in love with, those guys are rare. When I do find myself falling in love about once a year, they guy leaves or ends up being toxic. I blame it on luck. Alot of dating success depends on looks and the class you were born into, for men and women

Puzzled_Carob_2742 · 2022-05-19T18:35:52+00:00

I'll start by saying I'm a definite outlier in terms of how much success I've had. N-count somewhere around 30, been in and out of relationships since I was 16, some good some bad. Success is not an issue, I always know there's something around the corner.

In spite of that though, I fucking loathe dating. It's very hard to date as a man, even a decently attractive one, and not become convinced that the vast majority of women are just terrible people who have absolutely no concept of humility.

ThisBoringLife · 2022-05-19T18:42:01+00:00

Difficult enough.

Over the years, I'd still say it's only been a handful of women I've dated off the apps. One or two I've dated for a while, but that's it.

I may get matches, but most flake.

Admirable_Bee_8714 · 2022-05-19T19:32:30+00:00

Early on was a challenge. That changed the day I stopped giving a fuck about pussy. Since then it's been easier to date and get sex.

Specialist-Action-33 · 2022-05-19T20:19:05+00:00

Me up until age 21: Lived the life as an individual labeled a certain word that began with the letter "I".

Worked on myself, saved money, got better grades in college, acted more mature.

Age 22~25: Became a huge magnet for single moms around my age.

Age 36: Realized how much my value is and looks back and saw where it all went wrong.

Sums up my dating life there...smh

KanyaldWump · 2022-05-19T21:16:56+00:00

Before age 25 impossible. Had like 1 kiss on the cheek at a schools dance.

After age 25 I have so many matches on tinder it’s mind boggling.

Put in the work fellas it’ll be worth it.

Yummylicky23 · 2022-05-20T10:59:08+00:00

Dating was the hardest thing ever. More so especially after hearing how easy it’s supposed to be for women

LotusNet · 2022-05-30T02:40:40+00:00

Was tough when I was 16-17 then became relatively easy. Made an effort on improving the way I looked, became a lot more confident in myself. Then a couple years later at 20 made more of an emphasis on allowing myself to just have good conversations with girl, with little pressure on anything happening; and that just seemed to lead to the girls really really liking me. However for some reason I would just never fall in love with them, I have learnt maybe it was because of my issues at the time (major depression and substance abuse) and in the last 10 months since I’ve been substance free and happier I have found a girl and we both fell in love and now it’s pretty nice.

Id see the main difficulties I’ve faced being, lack of confidence in myself, putting too much pressure on myself to hook up with girls. In relation to other people I’d say is navigating complex emotional issues caused by deep rooted insecurity and trauma; I’m trying my best but it’s not always easy; however I am willing to put in the work needed and am doing so as I love my partner a lot.

I haven’t looked at this sub a lot so I can’t really compare myself that much to other dudes; however maybe I have been a bit more lucky by being charismatic and very easy to talk to, which means that people trust me quite easily and it helps me build strong emotional bonds very quickly with girls.

Id say as advice to people struggling; just try have a good conversation with a member of the opposite sex. Just a conversation. If you manage to have an engaging and slightly flirtatious conversation with someone, that’s it. You’re proving you’re both attractive and interesting

Title	How difficult has dating been for YOU?
Author	brilliant22
Upvotes	22
Comments	198
Date	May 18, 2022 9:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/usmx0c/how_difficult_has_dating_been_for_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-difficult-has-dating-been-for-you.1119437 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119437

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