Which man would you pick?

solstice-sky · 2023-02-26T23:58:47+00:00

Genuinely not enough information because neither multiple sexual partners or none are deal breakers for me

CimZim · 2023-02-26T19:37:43+00:00

More information is needed, although apparently you won't give it to us lol.

My one question is, how many is "multiple"?

If Sam is roughly my age (38) and has had 4 sex partners, sure, I'd go with him. If he's had a large amount, like 20+, then I'm going to pick Tom.

Low N > Virgin, but Virgin > High N.

MoreSanitizerPls · 2023-02-26T19:51:17+00:00

Tom because I’m a virgin as well.

EulenWatcher · 2023-02-26T21:00:19+00:00

Depends on the age and numbers.

When I was a teen, I was looking for someone with a similar lack of experience. If I was 30, I’d be somewhat wary of dating a virgin, but I wouldn’t want to date a man with 100 n-count either.

Temporary-Drawing212 · 2023-02-26T19:42:26+00:00

If Tom and Sam both have the same income, both same level of attractiveness and are the same age why isn’t Tom fucking but Sam is?

RatchedAngle · 2023-02-26T19:44:46+00:00

Tom.

Multiple sexual partners in the past can easily be a red flag.

My husband was a Tom.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-02-26T21:00:48+00:00

That’s not enough info for me to choose. If for all intents and purposes these men are exactly the same why is Sam a virgin? Is he waiting? Does he have high standards? They can’t be exactly the same because how they’re choosing to run their sex lives differs greatly so what’s the reason?

StarTrippinn · 2023-02-27T01:22:31+00:00

Sam, duh

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-02-27T03:17:29+00:00

Id say Sam. I’d want someone with experience, I’d feel a lot of pressure being someone’s first. But it depends on how many sexual partners they had, how they treated them, how many were long term partners. If they had a habit of cheating or ghosting after sex, then no. If they had the same body count as me or a little higher then that’s fine.

blebbyroo · 2023-02-26T20:25:31+00:00

Sam, if Tom hasn’t had a girlfriend before he is probably going to be pretty needy or behave in immature ways in the relationship and worse he won’t truly know what his boundaries and expectations are. This will Lead to him probably wanting to people please (his partner), causing possible resentment of his end and for his partner (me) to feel like he is clingy.

Relationships teach you about yourself as well as what to do and not to do in them.

stepitupagainkara · 2023-02-26T21:49:00+00:00

I have two questions, did Sam have casual sex or was he in long term relationships only and if he did have casual sex, did it happen naturally or was he like the neurotic redpill pua guys looking to "score" so that he can gain status and brag about all the "bitches" and "hoes" he can pull.

If so, by desirability, long term guy> casual sex guy> virgin > redpill pua guy.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-26T21:05:35+00:00

It depends on why they haven't had a girlfriend before.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-26T19:39:21+00:00

Tom. Sam has a potential compatibility clash (or just something I'd generally have to try to overlook to date him), Tom has none, easy.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-02-26T21:30:01+00:00

I wouldn't pick either based on that information because there's no information there.

PonderingPeaches · 2023-02-26T20:59:15+00:00

Their body count means nothing to me. I need to meet them to make the decision.

bluestjuice · 2023-02-26T19:55:01+00:00

I can date both.

12throw1234away34 · 2023-02-26T19:38:36+00:00

I think most women would pick Sam. And I don’t think that’s controversial at all.

learn2earn89 · 2023-02-26T20:49:11+00:00

Tom.

Loose-Bet-3787 · 2023-02-26T21:39:02+00:00

I personally would not go for a virgin. For many reasons. I also prefer a man with experience in the bedroom because that translates to confidence in the bedroom which is necessary for the dynamic I prefer

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2023-02-26T21:59:08+00:00

Sam, duh.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-02-26T23:44:38+00:00

Sam because I want someone who’s had enough experience to know what he’s into and not feel like he’s missing out.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-02-26T23:56:11+00:00

Are we talking about a relationship or just to fuck? Because if we're talking about a relationship, I can't make that decision without more information about them as people, looks and income don't automatically put you in the ''partner'' category.

For a ONS? Sam, he seems to have more experience.

nemma88 · 2023-02-27T00:32:48+00:00

Tough one.

The more one deviates from baseline 'normal' the more the other can deviate and still be 'ahead' at least in hypotheticals.

But I' not scared for virgins, my previous partner was such from late blooming and general introversion, Tom has a bit of a head start.

So Tom seems like a better bet with so little information? Based on my history he's probably more like me but there's little between them.

medlabunicorn · 2023-02-27T00:32:54+00:00

Slight lean towards Tom, if he’s young, and Sam, if he’s old (assuming I’m the same age as either).

Moon-on-my-mind · 2023-02-27T00:35:28+00:00

Well, i married the "Tom", going on 14y together. It is challenging to be in a relationship with someone that had zero experience in the past though, but i was aware of that, i took the risk. N count was never something i considered back then.

eleventwenty2 · 2023-02-27T00:38:41+00:00

From this information alone, tom

Oli_love90 · 2023-02-26T21:21:00+00:00

That’s not enough info. Whether or not someone had sex doesn’t usually fundamentally change their personalities. So we need to know more about these guys.

To me, sexual experience with other people means so little overall. Being a virgin doesn’t mean your first time is gonna suck. Having previous partners doesn’t mean you know what you’re doing or you’ll continually compare partners.

ChadChasingB · 2023-02-26T19:34:55+00:00

If l had to pick it one it would be the virgin, but I wouldn't date a man without relationship experience. I need to know why he hasn't had a relationship before now and why he is suddenly capable of having one if he wanted one previously or why he suddenly wants one if he didn't before.

iliyb · 2023-02-26T19:44:09+00:00

Sam. There's something seriously wrong with Tom.

saraimarsena · 2023-02-26T19:46:17+00:00

sam.

i don’t want to date a virgin man.

average n > low n >> high n >>>>>virgin

Autumnfeelzz · 2023-02-26T19:35:10+00:00

Sam because he has more experience. I personally prefer that.

Spirited-Strain919 · 2023-02-26T20:17:04+00:00

I’m in my thirties, if I met a guy who never had a girlfriend or a sexual partner before I am running away so fast his head would spin. That has Norman Bates written all over it. Nope.

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-02-27T01:13:12+00:00

Sam. Something is wrong with Tom that he has never had sex or had a wife or girlfriend unless he’s super young.

AceArguments · 2023-02-26T20:05:53+00:00

Tom. Hands down, multiple partners are a red flag with glitter. It's too blinding of a warning sign to not see.

Practical-Fee5587 · 2023-02-26T19:18:12+00:00

R3PlaaY · 2023-02-26T19:27:31+00:00

Do you really think you will get honest and useful answers?

OvertSaturation · 2023-02-26T20:36:38+00:00

Tom. I'm a virgin and I want to experience sex with one person only ideally. It's very intimate rather than being another woman on the list for Sam.

VivaLaVict0ria · 2023-02-26T20:37:25+00:00

Depends on the age.

If you’re in your early twenties it’s not uncommon to be a virgin if you just haven’t met the right person, or you’re not ready as fast as your peers,

30+ I’d be slightly concerned as to why they have zero Experience.

The reverse for several partners; if they’re early 20s and already racking up double digits we’re probably not compatible just by lifestyle standards.

But if y’all are 30+ years old, several or multiple partners is expected .

I wouldn’t go by something like body count; I’d go by that spark you get when you see your best friend. I’d go with who makes you feel like your food is coming at a restaurant.

Choose who you want to invest in; who you want to affect the next 20-30,000 meals you eat; who makes you laugh and who will pick you up off the floor and keep you safe when illness comes knocking.

psipolnista · 2023-02-26T21:21:59+00:00

Question, what’s multiple? 4? 40?

That makes a huge difference.

That__EST · 2023-02-26T21:52:34+00:00

he hasn't even had a girlfriend or wife before.

Yeah you just said that he hadn't had any sex partners.

I'd choose Sam.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-02-26T19:54:46+00:00

The dude that had multiple sexual partners.

I'm not a virgin. I'm not interested in waiting. I don't want to be with a low libido partner. I don't want to be with an extreme introvert that doesn't go out a lot. I'm not interested in a dude that has a pretty high likelihood of being resentful of my past and getting FOMO in this relationship because he has never been with anyone else. In this hypothetical, I would have also had (at least) two long term commited relationships while he had 0. I feel like the maturity level wouldn't be the same (I know it doesn't have to be that way).

Virginity is not a dealbreaker in itself, but I'd prefer if he wasn't.

redkoicarp · 2023-02-26T21:00:45+00:00

Tom then...? But I agree that more information would be needed, yes.

Safinated · 2023-02-26T20:01:35+00:00

Sam. I don’t want to deal with no regret, ignorance or FOMO

louloublueyes20 · 2023-02-26T20:23:47+00:00

SAM,

Slow-Inflation-6549 · 2023-02-26T20:32:40+00:00

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-02-26T20:59:27+00:00

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-02-26T21:21:57+00:00

Sam.

I am not a virgin. I would probably make Tom feel insecure. And it would create awkward tension. So I will avoid all that and go with Sam.

DiamondLilyD · 2023-02-26T21:34:38+00:00

Definitely Tom, I'm not dating a whore.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-02-26T23:54:34+00:00

Agree with most women here

Low n > virgin > high n

High n suggests low commitment.

KikiYuyu · 2023-02-27T01:10:33+00:00

If they're equal in every way except sexual experience, I go with Tom. I also have no experience so that would be a lot less intimidating for me. Figuring stuff out together and having awkward moments seems kinda cute in a way.

siIkyyyy · 2023-02-26T20:09:11+00:00

Tom because I have a virgin fetish

nocturnalswan · 2023-02-26T20:34:52+00:00

Sam.

I can't think of any acceptable explanation for Tom having made it to his early 30s without ever having sex or being in a relationship. Number of past sexual partners doesn't mean anything to me unless it's extreme (like 100+ or 0).

cult_angel · 2023-02-26T23:58:52+00:00

It seems to be a difference in personality and experiences at that point and it would rely on a lot of other factors such as compatibility as to who I would pick in that instance. There's a number of reasons why someone wouldn't have had a partner before, such as life circumstances they cannot help. Sam could be promiscuous or he could have had a series of monogamous relationships that were fulfilling to him. People are not a conglomerate of parts but of experiences, and thinking about it otherwise is highly unempathetic and, according to Plato, not very wise.

indigo_feather · 2023-02-27T01:22:45+00:00

Definitely Tom. I value low n count in a future partner, the lower the better.

I like shy men
I like the inexperience itself, no preconceived notions of sex
I like submissive men, and those statistically have worse odds with most women
I'm deadly allergic to incel logic / misogyny though, so if Tom is one of those, then definitely not. I'm willing to look at this in good faith though.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2023-02-27T01:56:00+00:00

I pick Sam, same income levels, same handsome physical attractiveness means they have equal successes in other areas of life and I'm assuming they are high in income because it's a Q4W so why use a poor man, Sam demonstrates you can be successful and still have a woman

What's toms excuse other than a mental defect and/or a fundamental disinterest in women and female sexuality, is lack of lustful and romantic drive toward women supposed to be hot to me as a woman

yamb97 · 2023-02-27T03:23:54+00:00

Sam, Tom is probably a weirdo.

vzmal · 2023-02-26T20:21:09+00:00

The majority of women want an experienced man cause if he’s been able to get women before then it means other women have approved of him or have seen something in him worth sleeping with which other women then like. It’s basic evolutionary mating psychology

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-02-26T19:49:11+00:00

With no other information I would probably have to choose Sam, because I have a lot more experience than Tom. But it would really depend on which one I “clicked” with better in person. If Tom can cross that threshold and not get bent out of shape because I am not a virgin, my initial impression might change.

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-02-26T21:45:21+00:00

At a glance, Sam because he's likely to be the more adventurous one sexually. But what are Tom's reasons for being celibate? Is he like me and just has no interest in having sex with strangers but has a high libido, or does he have a low libido? The latter is going to be a big problem.

begayallday · 2023-02-26T22:34:32+00:00

I can’t make a decision based only on that info. Lack of romantic/sexual experience isn’t any kind of issue for me. It’s more important to me that we have similar values, so if he has abstained intentionally and expects the same from me, then it’s not gonna work out.

If he just hasn’t pursued relationships before, or hasn’t had any luck with attracting women before, that’s not a big deal for me. I once pursued and asked out a guy who was in that situation, but after a couple dates he told me he preferred being single and was just used to it now. Made sense to me, and we stayed friends. He’s a cool dude. Even if he just wasn’t that into me, that’s fine too. Attraction isn’t always mutual.

BigOleGreenTrees · 2023-02-26T22:45:44+00:00

Sam. Ultimately though I don't give a shit.

OriginalRushdoggie · 2023-02-26T22:52:02+00:00

Depending on age, no gf or wife is kind of a weird red flag, I'd wonder what his issues were that he couldn't manage any kind of relationship?

I'd lean towards Sam. Who GAF how many people he's slept with.

womandatory · 2023-02-27T01:37:00+00:00

The one I’m attracted to, assuming he’s also attracted to me.

MistyMaisel · 2023-02-27T02:27:04+00:00

Not enough info to answer this.

Wild_flamingoo · 2023-02-27T03:27:43+00:00

It would matter absolutely zero to me either way.

Comfortable-Unit-897 · 2023-02-27T03:52:56+00:00

Mike! He is out in the garage building cool trucks! Nobody likes Mike.😢

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-02-27T04:00:25+00:00

Tom.

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2023-02-27T04:10:15+00:00

Tom will value you more because you are his first and only. I think I choose Tom because I think he will be devoted to you. Sam does not need you and he can find another woman.

You have to wonder if something is wrong with Tom’s personality that stopped him from getting a girlfriend but if they are 22 years old I would not worry about that but if they are 30 I really wonder why Tom never had a girlfriend.

But if you care about sex but don’t want to teach a man to be a good lover then pick Sam. If we are talking about future husbands teach them how to be good lovers. Sam might think he is OK the way he is and might be wrong. Tom may have shame about his inexperience and you may need to be emotionally reassuring.

I say you chose Tom and teach him. He knows he knows nothing about sex and relationships and should be teachable.

winter_ro · 2023-02-27T04:11:45+00:00

Obviously Tom.

TheHairyCooch · 2023-02-27T07:26:16+00:00

The bad boy

Admirable-Panic2626 · 2023-02-27T10:57:01+00:00

One virgin please.

Katatonicsnake · 2023-02-27T11:20:51+00:00

Depends quite a lot on their age. Under 35 and hasn’t had any? Doesn’t matter that much. Over 40? Serious red flag.

grummthepillgrumm · 2023-02-27T12:40:51+00:00

I'd take the virgin. I feel like he might treat me better. But if he has a complex about the virginity, then I'm out. I don't want him constantly thinking the grass is greener, or that he "missed out" by staying with me.

Clueless_Forever · 2023-02-27T16:17:12+00:00

Tom.

Sophiatab · 2023-02-27T16:24:24+00:00

Sam wins by default because Tom exists only in the OP's imagination.

farrahamelia · 2023-02-27T16:33:25+00:00

Tom. I don't want someone who's been with someone else

DarmakJalad · 2023-02-27T18:18:27+00:00

It’s nearly impossible to answer without knowing the individuals age or what “multiple sexual partners” means.

If I assume he is my age (33) I guess I’d go with Sam. If we were 19 I’d likely go with Tom.

Nihi1986 · 2023-02-27T19:04:03+00:00

There's no serial killer in this one? Dissapointed.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-02-27T19:07:25+00:00

How old are they? How many is “multiple”? Could be 2 or 200, and that matters a lot. And at 18 I would’ve vastly preferred someone with no experience to someone with 10+ partners. But if they’re let’s say 30, that changes the picture, because there must be a reason someone has never been in a relationship by then.

daylightxx · 2023-02-27T20:25:39+00:00

Neither, based on the info you’ve given me. You’ve provided absolutely nothing of substance with which to consider since being handsome and having had sex/lack thereof does nothing to help you choose a partner. Tell me more about their personalities pls. Then I’ll decide.

purpleisverysus · 2023-02-27T22:51:43+00:00

The only important difference between males is income (and dick size)*.

Same income? Then I'd pick whoever would do more cooking and cleaning and child rearing. Or at least whoever is willing to spend their money on hiring outside help - nanny and maid

Ppdebatesomental · 2023-02-28T02:42:22+00:00

My first ltr was Tom. At the time he was 20. After 7 years, he decided he needed to fuck other women and had no intention of marrying the first woman he ever slept with.

My husband is Sam the slut. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

Alert_Many_1196 · 2023-03-01T02:35:11+00:00

Tom!

Ok-Put3239 · 2023-03-01T04:33:05+00:00

I mean both of them sound alright. Body count DOESNT matter.

Yozora1337 · 2023-03-01T09:39:48+00:00

Women saying they are picking Tom are lying their asses off, pre selection and virgin shaming is a thing.

AutoModerator · 2023-02-26T19:17:07+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

INFPneedshelp · 2023-02-26T21:37:20+00:00

Both! Im non monogamous. But if I had to pick... id pick the one who hasnt had sex before for a change. Might be an interesting sexual dynamic to show him the ropes.

Title	Which man would you pick?
Author	NoInjury1499
Upvotes	29
Comments	194
Date	February 26, 2023 7:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11cpwwu/which_man_would_you_pick/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/which-man-would-you-pick.1153245 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153245

Comments